– I was nervous to do comic con this year. Even more nervous than last year when I got thrown in the mix last minute (more last minute than most things at SDCC). Last year, I had zero idea what I was getting into; I had never gone to any sort of convention, never done a real interview, or met with any industry people. I think I did a pretty good job of navigating not only my first convention, which is one of the largest in the world, but also a new city where I technically didn’t know anyone. I had never met anyone from Geekscape in real life (apart from Shane) until I got to the convention center the first day, which in itself was really nerve wracking.

Meeting new people ended up being the easy part. Derek, Natalie, Josh, Jon, Heidi, Gui and Zack ended up being just as kind and amazing as they were online – they made me feel like I was really a part of the family almost instantly.  The hardest part for me was all the walking, standing, and getting stepped on, which are difficult for most healthy people. But I’m not considered “healthy”.

If you’ve listened to the Geekscape Games Podcast, you may have heard me talk how I sometimes struggle with gaming because of my Rheumatoid Arthritis or RA. RA is an autoimmune disease, which means that my body’s immune system can’t quite distinguish between foreign cells, like bacteria, and cells in certain parts of my body, and so it ends up attacking itself. This mostly affects my joints, but can also affect any connective tissues in the body as well as some of the major organs. When my immune system attacks a joint, it’s called a “flare” which basically means the joint swells up, becomes warm to the touch, and causes a lot of pain. I have to take a pharmacy’s worth of medications to try and keep my condition in check, and things like stress, diet, illness,weather etc. can cause my condition to flare up. This also means that I’m also almost always tired. Imagine having the flu and that all over tired achy feeling, but that’s your normal everyday life. Some days are better than others, and I can move through my day more or less normally. But I’ve found those days to be more and more rare over the past 9 years since my diagnosis. Simple things most people don’t think of doing, like shaking hands,  can ruin my day if someone gets overzealous and grips my hand like it’s gonna run away, and mean that I can’t really use it the rest of the day for anything.

So imagine that being your baseline – kinda tired, kinda sore, and you haven’t even started your day at the con yet. Now try and navigate through a new place, pretty much alone, getting exposed to all sorts of germs (cons are super dirty people), and walking everywhere all the time. And if you’re not walkling, you’re standing, because you’re in a line, or waiting to walk, or there just isn’t anywhere to sit. I think I ended up averaging about 5 miles of walking each day of the convention. I completely wore out the brand new pair of shoes I had been advised to buy (thanks Shane!) and most of a bottle over OTC pain killers. I was completely wiped out for the next week when I got home, and picked up some sort of con crud that caused a lot of discomfort and stuck around almost until it was time for PAX West in September.

With all that in mind, I almost didn’t come to San Diego this year. I love seeing my Geekscapists and getting to meet cool people in video games and spend time with everyone, but I was afraid that my health wouldn’t be able to hold up or I would be short changing myself for the rest of my summer, sacrificing the next month or so for one week. I ultimately, obviously, decided to go, because I want to make sure that I use my good health times for times like this when I can make good memories, and share stories with others.

So this is that story. A girl at a con, who looks healthy and normal, but isn’t, trying to do as much as she can to do what she loves, with some of the people she cares about most. I’ll try and share some tips and tricks for others of you out there who also fight the good fight against invisible illnesses or other disabilities. Hopefully my story will help inspire you to go to a convention, or a concert, or a party when you’re unsure of whether or not you should because of your condition. There is no reason why we shouldn’t be out doing what we love because of something our bodies are doing.

We got this.