scott pilgrim | Geekscape

14 Of The Best Fake Bands EVER (In Movies)!

by scottevilAugust 27, 2015

Music and movies are like peanut butter and jelly, they just go together (and are quite filling, wouldn’t you say?) I got thinking recently about fake bands in movies and how they have the ability to elevate a film from mediocre to outstanding. So of course I had to make a list of my favorites.

RULES:
-Must be from movies (no TV themes or appearances, sorry Zack Attack)
-No traditional musicals (sorry Hedwig)
-No real bands portraying themselves (sorry Oingo Boingo and Tenacious D)
-Must have original music written for them (sorry Lone Rangers)

Pretty straightforward, right? Let’s get started!

14) Sex Bob-omb (Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World)

Michael Cera stars as himself again and is remarkably surrounded by good-looking people and multiple love interests. While there are other bands in Scott Pilgrim, I think the pivotal one really is his own Sex Bob-omb, a mixture of The Strokes and every garage band you watched in high school. But with way more expensive guitars.

13) Infant Sorrow (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)

Russel Brand’s portrayal of ex-drunk free-love rocker Aldous Snow in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (and subsequently Get Him to the Greek) could easily have barreled into ‘obnoxious’ territory, and while Snow and his music is incredibly over-the-top, it seems to me that Brand just toes the line between being funny and being insufferable.

12) Big Fun (Heathers)

Anti-suicide PSA’s are rarely this infectious. But I mean, who didn’t accidentally pour bleach down the popular girl’s throat and make it look like a suicide in high school? It wasn’t your fault though – Christian Slater’s drugged-out stare would scramble any teen’s developing gray matter.

11) Stillwater (Almost Famous)

No list of fake bands is complete without the fictional Allman Brothers/Skynyrd pastiche of Stillwater in Cameron Crowe’s semi-autobiographical Almost Famous. Beyond having the most perfect handlebar mustaches seen since 1979, the band had music written for them by Crowe’s then-wife Nancy Wilson. You might remember her from a little band called HEART, but if you don’t, I might go Crazy on You.

10) Josie and the Pussycats (Josie and the Pussycats)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwoZi_NFQhA
Did you expect me to gloss over Rachael Leigh Cook’s best cinematic performance? Come on now. Add in Rosario Dawson and pre-botched plastic surgery Tara Reid, terrible fake instrument playing, villainess Parker Posey and her sniveling assistant Alan Cumming, and the most 90s female singer ever (Kay Hanley of Letters to Cleo), and you have this fantastically entertaining piece of crap. And to answer your question, no, I don’t know all the words to all of the songs on the soundtrack, why would you ask such a thing?

9) Steel Dragon (Rock Star)

Marky Mark living the dream as the lead singer of a heavy metal cover band, only to be skyrocketed to stardom by joining the actual heavy metal band he used to cover. How many singers in cover bands had their hopes raised and ruthlessly dashed by the hands of fate after watching Rock Star? Incalculable.

8) Lovebürger (Can’t Hardly Wait)

Breckin Meyer and Donald Faison argue about cowboy hats, frilly costumes and band shirts, and ALMOST get to play a song. I may be bending my rules a bit to shoehorn these guys in, but you gotta admit that stick count is sick and gets stuck in your head for days.

7) DuJour (Josie and the Pussycats)

Did you seriously think I wouldn’t leave a slot open for the most enduring fake boy band in cinema history? Sub-question: aren’t all boy bands fake? Breckin and Donald buried the hatchet after Lovebürger’s breakup, forming DuJour with Kenny Fisher, and the results are catchy as hell. I’m telling you, these guys are on fire.

6) Vicious Lips (Vicious Lips)

Ah, Vicious Lips. A great concept diminished by poor execution in the third (and kind of second) act. But if nothing else, it yields this fun little slab of Dayglo insanity, plus 3 other tunes that will make anyone reach for the leg warmers, Aquanet and maybe a bag of space grass.

5) Low Shoulder (Jennifer’s Body)

One of the best parts of movies featuring (but not focusing entirely on) fake bands is when their song keeps showing up to bother the main character. It doesn’t hurt when the song is fantastic, either… This one was written by a band called No Country, who also portrayed part of the band in the movie. I wouldn’t be surprised if they really were Satanists, this song is so good.

4) Lustra/Unnamed party band (Euro Trip)

Here’s another song that is presented in the first act and pops up regularly throughout the rest of the movie. “Scotty Doesn’t Know” was written for Euro Trip by an Aussie band called Lustra, fronted by neck-tattooed Matt Damon in the movie, becoming the unofficial anthem of the trip. Can you blame Scotty’s friends, though? This song is still awesome after over a decade of having it sung to me at parties.

3) Brian Slade (Velvet Goldmine)

While I would have preferred to feature Curt Wild instead of Brian Slade in this list, all of his songs are covers, and Brian had original material written for him. If you like glam rock and, in some strange universe, never watched Velvet Goldmine, go do it now. It’s a perfect time capsule back to the 90s obsession with the 60s.

2) Spinal Tap (This is Spinal Tap)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-9cFQJCCKE
The greatest and loudest fake metal band ever! It would be criminal as well as idiotic to not toss them up near the top of any list of this type. Volumes have been written about Spinal Tap, so I will let the music speak for itself, but be prepared for ROCK N ROLL.

1) The Wonders (That Thing You Do!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baWSsZRoj-M
While it’s difficult to pick a favorite fake band, I must hand the top slot over to The Wonders (pronounced Oh-need-ers, of course) due to the sheer perfection of the title track. I think that’s the big gamble you take when building a film around a fake band with a fake hit song – if the song is lackluster, no amount of cinematography or Oscar-worthy acting can save your premise. Luckily, Adam Schlesinger (Fountains of Wayne) knocked it out of the park here, but what would you expect from the guy who helped write the music for Cry-Baby?

EDIT: It has come to my attention that I missed 2 very important fake bands that require mentioning here:

Matt Noonan (Dead Man on Campus)

https://youtu.be/_j9BbR6bI_I?t=1m31s

And Rex Manning (Empire Records)

What do you think? Did I miss anybody worth singing about?

Crowdfund This: Mark Webber’s Secret Movie!

by Derek KraneveldtAugust 3, 2015

We’re all pretty huge fans of Mark Webber around these parts.

Sure, we all loved him in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, but then he broke our hearts with The End of Love, and absolutely shattered us with last year’s The Ever After.

Mark is back to (probably) break our hearts all over again, and this time he’s taken to Kickstarter to make his new movie happen. Interestingly enough, we really have no idea what the movie is about. The campaign page is called ‘Mark Webber’s Secret Movie’, and it’s labelled as “a film so potent, vulnerable & personal that he can’t tell you what it’s about yet.”

Interested already, aren’t you?

So are a lot of other folks apparently. Even though Mark hasn’t really detailed anything about the project, his amazing track record and the enthusiasm that he exudes in the campaign video has already brought him more than halfway to his goal.

Here’s what Mark says about the project:

I’m returning home to make my most vulnerable and personal story yet…

Over the last few years I’ve developed a style of directing that uses real life situations and people, to tell stories that hit in a way you don’t normally experience. “The End Of Love” I starred in with my actual 2 year old son, “The Ever After” with my actual wife. Doing so gives me a level of vulnerability and intimacy that’s impossible to achieve in a traditional setting, that I use to push the bounds of truth, rawness, beauty, connection and emotion in storytelling. With this next film, due to the subject matter, and how I’ll have to shoot, I must keep the plot details and cast completely secret. It’s crucial in order to be able to successfully capture certain aspects of the story. Although the images I’ve included of my mother and I are very telling…

In keeping with the personal theme of the film, the rewards available to backers are also surprisingly personal. You’ll find no mass-printed t-shirts or posters among the rewards, but instead, some really rare items like Mark’s watermarked shooting script from Scott Pilgrim, one only 10 CD’s ever made of The Ever After soundtrack hand signed by the amazing Moby and Daniel Ahearn, and even some private acting lessons. Pretty cool, huh?

The project has just over two weeks left in its campaign, so watch the Kickstarter video for Mark Webber’s Secret Movie below, and head here to back the project!

What do you think the project could be about? Share your ideas in the comments below!

We also had Mark on the show just last week to talk about his Secret Movie, so be sure to head here to listen.

Geekscape Comics: ‘Buffalo Speedway – The Deep Dish Omnibus’ Is Worth Ordering!

by JonathanJune 5, 2014

The comics industry has gone through a pretty big resurgence in the past few years. Sure, big budget superhero films like The Dark Knight and The Avengers has led to an increased popularity in comics merchandizing and previously smaller events like the San Diego Comic Con. And that’s just talking about the Big 2. But what about the smaller indie publishers? Image Comics leads the pack, with the explosion of all things Walking Dead, and Dark Horse, BOOM! and IDW aren’t far behind with their mix of licensed books and creator owned titles.

But does all this explosive growth in ideas trickle down to actual sales or are publishers finding themselves fighting each other over increasingly divided slices of the same sized pie? Or does the influx of new fans from the TV and big screen just mean that new people are buying The Walking Dead and Spider-Man while smaller titles are left promising something new to the older comic fans who’ve grown tired of the same old books?

And now that the indie comics publishers are shaking hands and making deals with Hollywood… are they still perceived as indie? More importantly, where does that leave truly indie creators? The ones who paid for their own books to be made with their own money or crowd funding campaigns? These are the writers and artists who toil in thankless jobs during the day just to create comics at night and on weekends in the hopes of breaking out! Does the popularity and sales of The Walking Dead and Avengers ever trickle down to them? Or do they find themselves further buried under the noise and attention that those properties generate, working even harder to find readers than they would have a decade ago, when indie creators like Robert Kirkman and Brian Michael Bendis were using their indie ideas to launch mainstream careers?

I’d like to highlight a book that reminds me of the days of discovering Powers or Scott Pilgrim early on in the comic shop shelves. It’s called Buffalo Speedway and is the creation of Yehudi Mercado, an artist and fellow writer that I recently befriended (because we’re both from Austin) who gave me his book at WonderCon with the stipulation ‘it takes place in Texas so just let me know what you think.’ And on a recent visit back to Texas, I brought Buffalo Speedway with me so I could tell Yehudi exactly that, you know, creator to creator. And I think is that Buffalo Speedway is fucking great.

This is a fun and surprising 6 part series that really charms the hell you in the same way that Scott Pilgrim did as a sincere love letter to video games and young love. With Buffalo Speedway however, the love letter is being written and delivered to those times in our lives that we’d probably rather forget: the hours spent wiling away at our first jobs. For some of us it was a Blockbuster video, a fast food restaurant or a receptionists desk. Buffalo Speedway revolves around a similar mundane location, a pizza restaurant and it’s team of unique pizza delivery drivers. But this just happens to be THE BIGGEST PIZZA DELIVERY DAY OF ALL TIME!

If I compare Buffalo Speedway to Scott Pilgrim it’s with good reason. It definitely has the same charm, manic energy and loud, unique characters that Scott Pilgrim did. Here, however, you get a story about being stuck in your mid-20s, on the fence between moving on from the safety of adolescence to the uncertain responsibility of adulthood… and you’re already in your mid-20s. This adds a level to desperation to Buffalo Speedway’s main character Figgs that isn’t present in books like early Spider-Man (or again, Scott Pilgrim). When the events of the book unfold, they really feel larger than life and with huge consequences. The fact that the book all takes place in one day, like a hyperactive, action packed version of Clerks, makes it all the more important.And the book is funny, really damn funny. I found myself laughing out loud a ton as the story bounces from character to character and through ridiculous situations like sabotaging rival pizza restaurant drivers, banging the hungry housewife before the husband comes home and escaping a high speed police chase. The events all take place back on June 17th, 1994 in Houston, while the Rockets face the Knicks in the Finals and OJ Simpson makes his high speed chase down the 5 in California. Yehudi does a really good job of laying these events into the backdrop but then having them resonate with each of the characters. Not only does having a home team in the NBA Finals mean that the pizzas will be flying out the door, but the pressure cooker situation on the freeway results in complete insanity for our team of drivers.

Most of the characters are loud and exaggerated, just like Yehudi’s style. If you’re familiar with his children’s book Pantalones Tex (and you don’t need to be an actual child to enjoy it) then you’ll know what I’m talking about. A talented cartoonist, the book reminds me of similarly bold and hilarious stories like Samurai Jack and (again) Scott Pilgrim. And even though the characters range widely in ethnicity (its as actually as diverse a cast of characters as I’ve ever seen in a book), they’re never drawn like insulting stereotypes. That’s not to say that race doesn’t play an issue here. One of the best things about the writing is how race is an issue and how the issues it creates resolve themselves, or don’t, through the course of the story. There definitely is a character who models his delivery car off of the General Lee and a Mexican character that’s more similar to a violent Luchador than a delivery guy. But all of this is just basis for some pretty smart Boondocks-style observations and celebrations of our differences.

This really is a book I hope you guys pick up. Again, it’s easy for titles like Buffalo Speedway to get lost in the hustle and bustle of the comics industry, where newer and exciting titles are released each week to big fanfare only to fade within the year after they suffer through the next crossover, event or retcon (or even worse: bad Hollywood mangling). Here, Yehudi has made something that is hilarious and exaggerated but never feels like it isn’t coming from the heart. We all remember those first jobs that we had and the issues of whether to stay or move on. But what we don’t always remember are those fun moments where dicking around at those directionless jobs could turn into a crazy adventure, a first love or a life changing event. Buffalo Speedway has all of those moments and more and celebrates them in a way that deserves a much bigger spotlight. Please take my advice and pick this up before… or have it delivered!

The ‘Buffalo Speedway Deep Dish Omnibus‘ is available for ordering now. If you live in LA, 5 lucky orders will be personally driven to you by Yehudi himself, complete with a pizza! Check it out!

Geekscape’s Zack Haddad Announces ‘Arcane Beatz’ Kickstarter!

by pandazackJuly 1, 2013

Hey everyone, Zack Haddad here (pandazack on the forums). Wanted to take a second to tell you all about a new project that has engulfed my everything. It’s called Arcane Beatz and it is a 10 episode web series I am making in San Diego about a DJ named Marick who uncovers a secret order of musicians who since the Dark Ages have been walking this earth fighting demons who take on human form. These musicians are called Bards and not only are some of the most prolific musicians part of this order (Kurt Cobain, Jannis Joplin, Jimmi Hendrix, and Buddy Holly to name a few) they are also the only line of defense against a slew of demons stemming from different cultures and ideologies.

Arcane Beatz originally started out as just an idea in my head about making a film noir about an electronic DJ solving mysteries and stuff. And then one day I thought to myself…um duh demons and monsters should totally be in this also.

All of the demons in this show will be based on actual demons in mythology. So not only do we have Gorgons and Succubi from Greek Mythology, we also have Celtic Wood Nymphs and Norwegian Viking Demons. I really love the work of Guillermo del Toro for his use of practical monster effects in some of his older films. So I wanted to take that love and craft my own takes on popular creatures and still pay homage to some other things I really dig (did I mention I’m a fan of Buffy?) The guy who did the monster make up is my buddy Vince Niebla and he shares the same sort of passion I do. Check out some of this stuff we did for the Kickstarter video for yourself:

The initial head cast for the main demon.

Vince Niebla applying final makeup to Viktor (Brian Boettcher)

The Demon Carter played by Xavisus Gayden

We shot the teaser for Arcane Beatz back in February on a really cold Friday night. The crew really stuck together and we ended up shooting until the next morning. I definitely hadn’t done something like that since college but the end result was worth all of that shooting and eventual post-production that went into it.

I’m not ready to divulge exactly how we did some of the effect but soon we will be launching some FX rundowns on our Kickstarter page so you should stay tuned to that one.

Our hero Marick (Alex Robinson) going through a test run with the demons.

The music in Arcane Beatz will be from all over the place. Marick is an electronic DJ in the vein of Flying Lotus or Justice but we plan on showcasing a slew of local acts. We are also writing an original score. Some of which can be found in our teaser.

If this is something you are interested in getting involved in, I would love to hear from you. Outside of backers, we also need people to fill crew positions (grip/electric, makeup, fight choreographer) so email us at arcanebeatzmedia@gmail.com.

You can check out the whole kickstarter campaign HERE. Its a little long for my taste so stick with it. I think you’ll enjoy it.

Talk of this web series has already gotten the attention of local news. Click here to check out the piece done on the series HERE.

Thanks for taking the time to check out all this stuff. Please leave your comments or join us on our several levels of social networking:

Facebook: Arcane Beatz Fan Page

Instagram:@arcanebeatz

Twitter:@arcanebeatz

‘Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World: The Game’ Adds Wallace Wells, Online Multiplayer!

by Derek KraneveldtMarch 13, 2013

If you’ve never played Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: The Game, you’ve missed one of the finest beat-em-up titles in recent memory. The game looks great, sounds wonderful, and is an absolute blast to play with friends. Being based on Scott Pilgrim vs. the World of course, doesn’t hurt things either.

If you have played it, it may be time to dust off the ol’ (digital) game; a new DLC pack has been released adding Wallace Wells to the roster, and more importantly online multiplayer! The game was local-multiplayer only up to this point, so it’s quite impressive to see support still coming for a game so dated.

Watch the trailer for the DLC below, and pick it up! The DLC pack costs a cool $4.99.

Geekscape Comics: First Look At ‘Scott Pilgrim Color Hardcover Volume 1: Precious Little Life’

by Scott AlminianaJuly 31, 2012

Good news Scott Pilgrim fans! Next Wednesday, August 8th, you will be able to pick up Scott Pilgrim Color Hardcover Volume 1: Precious Little Life. Oni Press will re-release two volumes a year, each colored and including bonus content. I was lucky enough to get the ‘Evil Edition’ at the Oni Press booth at Comic-Con and get creator Bryan Lee O’Malley to sign it. And let me just tell you that the book looks gorgeous in color!

The regular color edition will be available next Wednesday in stores and online for $24.99 and the ‘Evil Edition’ will be avaialbe on OniPress.com for $40. Here’s a sneak peek of what you have to look forward to.

SDCC 2012: One Geek’s Journey Through The Madness Of Comic-Con (Part II)

by Scott AlminianaJuly 19, 2012

When last we left I had managed to make it through Preview Night and Day one of SDCC and had seen Shawn battle to the death with a Power Ranger. If you haven’t read Part I yet check it out here. That was only half the story though, I now bring you Part II of my journey through Comic-Con.

Day Two: One of my buddies lives in San Diego and he was gracious enough to let me crash on his couch for the duration of SDCC. This was great because it meant I didn’t have to spend money on a hotel room but it did have one major draw back. Since parking downtown can be a nightmare I decided that I would take the trolley and save myself the hassle (and some money) of finding parking. I parked at Qualcomm stadium, home to the San Diego Chargers and got on the trolley only to find it packed. Not only was it packed but it got worse with every stop. We were like sardines in a can. Personal space was non existent.

When I finally made it to the convention and made it off the massively over-crowded trolley I decided to go get in line for some panels. Being a huge fan of Community I wanted to see their panel which was scheduled for 10 am in Ballroom 20. Being that I’m a newbie to the whole thing I foolishly thought getting in line at 9 am would be plenty early to guarantee that I got in. Oh how I couldn’t be more wrong. The line weaved it’s way from the inside of the convention, outside and down some stairs and back up to some tents. After 30 minutes of waiting it was pretty apparent that I wouldn’t be seeing the Greendale gang that day so I abandoned my plans and headed back to the Geekscape booth to form a new battle strategy. It was during this time that my efforts to try and get a Court of Owls mask from the DC booth comes into play. It’s a long story in it’s own right, check out the story of that here.

After a quick lunch consisting of greasy pizza in the Gaslamp it was off to the Marvel: Ultimate Comics panel. It was a good panel, the panellists (Marvel EIC Axel Alonso, Editors Sana Amanat and CB Cebulski, writers Sam Humphries and Nathan Edmonson, and artist David Marquez) talked about some of the big things that are coming to the Ultimate universe in the form of the ‘Divided We Fall’ event that is spanning the books. They also announced a new mini series Ultimate Comics Iron Man: Demon In The Armor that will be debut in October and written by Nathan Edmonson with art by Matteo Buffagni. They also showed the cover to issue #1 of the series before opening the floor to questions. Most of the questions were fairly standard and forgettable but there was one question that stood out above the rest. A kid who looked to be maybe 17 and was your stereotypical nerd asked this question (this is almost verbatim), “I know you can’t confirm it but if you were going to how would you, even though I know you can’t confirm it, how would you do an ultimate version of Anti-Venom? How would you?” The panel tells him that they don’t have any plans for the character but don’t want to discuss their take on the character because it would then pigeon-hole them if they did. The fanboy did not like this answer and quickly fired back with “…well I’m JUST sayin’…” at which time Axel Alonso jumped in and asked him, “well if how would you write the ultimate version of Anti-Venom?” You could immediately hear a collective grown from the audience as soon as Alonso asked that question. Fanboy’s explanation was painful and went something like this, “well I think he should get hit by something like radioactive and then he’d have radioactive poison running through his body!” Yeah, the kid just basically described Venom, good job. Axel Alonso told him he deserved a free tshirt for his pitch and gave him one, I think they just wanted Anti-Venom boy to go away…and so did I.

Once that panel ended I hit the floor again to take in the sights. I actually ran into a guy I used to work with years ago, SDCC has that way of bringing people together. Spent the rest of the day wandering around and checking things out and just taking in all the sights. Earlier in the day I had managed to score a wrist band to see the new Marvel One-Shot: Item 47 at a theater in the Gaslamp at 7 pm. Not wanting to get shut out of yet another free event I made sure to get there early and get in line. Luckily since I had a wrist band this proved not to be a problem and was able to get in. Check out the Geekscape reveiw of it here to see what we thought of it. Getting out of the theater and getting our bags, which we had to check in prior to the screening proved more difficult than getting in. People were freaking out and loosing their minds trying to get their stuff back. As usual chaos rained supreme amongst the nerds. Once that was all said and done with it was time to call it a night and get a fresh start for Saturday.

Day Three: Saturday at SDCC is the craziest day out of all. Everyone know this but knowing it and seeing it are two different things. After once again dealing with a crammed trolley ride to the convention I met up with a friend and we went and sat in on the comiXology panel. It was an interesting panel. It’s crazy to think that digital comics have only been around for a few years and has come so far. I like the idea of digital comics and know that it will play a big part in the future of comics but my sticking point on them has always been the price. If I’m going to pay $3.99 for a comic I’d rather have a hard copy of it. If they lowered the price on digital versions I’d buy them in a heartbeat. I love the push that Marvel is doing by giving you a free digital copy with some of their books. That’s a cool cross promotion and a smart move.

After that panel we went across the street and checked out the Batmobiles that were on display. It was awesome! Then we ran into Wil Wheaton at Starbucks before meeting up with Eric, who was in line for Hall H. We spent the rest of the day hanging out in line and relaxing, while holding on to hope that we would get into Hall H to see the Marvel panel. Sadly we did not get to see that but we did get to see a bunch of those crazy bible-thumpers try and convert people that were in line. Can I just say that I absolutly hate those guys, super fucking annoying. On the plus side though, we did manage to get an awesome picture of the Jesus guy standing next to the booty ring toss van. Anal play and God together at last! Thus endeth my Saturday at SDCC.

Day Four: Waking up on the final day of SDCC was a sad event. I was exhausted but also was sad to know that it Comic-Con was coming to an end and I’d have to wait another year to do it all over again. The trolley ride proved to be far less stressful than the prior two days and I even managed to find a seat. My first stop once I got to the convention was the Marvel booth. I had finally caved and decided to pre-order the ‘Phase One’ 10-disc blu-ray set. Once that was purchased I met up with my buddy at the Oni Press booth where they were selling advanced copies of Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life in color! I bought a copy of the ‘Evil Edition’ which features Matthew Patel on the cover. I then got in line and was able to get Scott Pilgrim creator Bryan Lee O’Malley to sign it. After that I made a few more purchases and then decided to go check out the Marvel: Amazing Spider-Man panel. It was a mostly lackluster panel but they did briefly discuss Alpha, who is going to be Spider-Man’s new teenage sidekick and how he’s connected to Peter Parker. Look for Alpha to debut in issue #692.

The last panel of the day in Hall H was the Sons of Anarchy panel which I was lucky enough to get into. I’m a big SOA fan and can thank my brother for getting me hooked on that show. The entire cast was present and they showed fans the opening scene to the first episode of the upcoming season. During the panel, we found out that Ron Pearlman is the worst member of the cast when it comes to riding a motorcycle. Fans gave Pearlman a giant round of applause when his Make-a-Wish appearance as Hellboy was brought up. The entire panel was a fun time with the cast-members swearing like sailors…or to be more accurate, members of a motorcylce club. The ladies in the audience lost their minds a few times, especially over Charlie Hunnam (Jax) and Theo Rossi (Juice).

After that panel let out it was time to call it a day and make my way back to Qualcomm stadium to fetch my car and hit the road. All in all I had a blast at SDCC 2012 and it wouldn’t have been possible without Mr. Jonathan London and Geekscape. So a very big thank you to Jonathan and Geekscape for letting me experience the madness that is San Diego Comic-Con!!! Until next year….

Geekscape Roundtable: Fictional Characters We’d Bang… PART TWO!

by GeekscapeStaffJune 14, 2012

It’s part 2 of the most important discussion known to mankind!

Everyone has a fictional character they’d bang, whether it’s someone from a movie, a comic, or a car insurance company. So the Geekscape staff put together their top 5 lists, High Fidelity style.

Joe Starr

Black Widow: Specifically the Iron Man 2/Avengers Black Widow. “Is that dirty enough for you?” COME ON. I actually wasn’t on the ScarJo train until Iron Man 2, and by the time the Avengers credits were rolling I was riding the train like a DJ from the Quad Cities. Note to self: Do more things like a Quad City DJ. She’s hot, she’s tough. Plus, she’s written by Joss Whedon so you know we will have clever banter. OH the banter we will have.

Arcee from Transformers Prime: This one isn’t about sex. I mean, that happens, but I’m pretty sure that this is the first female character that I’ve found myself admiring and investing in in years. I mean, she’s amazingly strong and independent, a tough but warm woman you can’t help but respect. She’s a breath of fresh air from fake stupid pixie dream girls like The New Girl in the same way that Thor and Captain America were a nice break from ‘guys that want to focus on their photography’ for ladies. It’s not my fault she’s a robot that turns into a motorcycle that I’d have sex with.

Margaery Tyrell: Tyrell is unnervingly beautiful. She’s a subtle player in the Game of Thrones making smart moves. After all, remember what Training Day Denzel said: This is chess, it ain’t checkaz! Tyrell is a chess player. And sometimes she shows her boobs sometimes.

Emma Stone: Ok, look. Emma Stone isn’t real. She can’t be. She’s got all of the hotness Lohan had going for herself circa Mean Girls and none of the coke and coke and coke and coke. Also, she seems pretty rad. Way too rad to be real. It’s like life’s writers felt bad about Lohan and gave the world a do over. I want them to fight. It would be fucking epic. I’m pretty sure Lindsay would work as an alt dimension evil Emma, because she’s starting to get a bit of a goatee.

Kaylee Frye: Look, if we’re gonna go Pixie Dream Girl let’s at least go with one that can fix a starship with a roll of duct tape and sheer will. This chick would roll her eyes at Zooey Deschanel and then hit her with a wrench. And then have sex with me fingers crossed?

Allison McKnight

David Xanatos from Gargoyles: Look, I’m just going to lay it all out there. He’s hot. Look at that stylish ponytail, that jawline and those shoulders. And not only is he infinitely bangable, he’s a mastermind, manipulating the world to suit his visions. He moved an entire castle! How many men can say that?

Caesar from Xena: Molly may have her heart-on for Ares, but we all know where it’s actually at: Caesar, as played by Karl Urban. Oof. Can I get that a second time. Oof. That is one sexy hunk of sociopathic manflesh, right there. He can chain me up, torture me, and take over the civilized world any day.

Gregory House: It’s House, for christsake. This is the man who walks around, scowling, picking people’s brains apart like he was ripping open a wad of cotton candy. Gooey, emotion-filled cotton candy. Even with only one good leg, he’s probably a better lay than… well, I’m not going to name names.

Richard B. Riddick: Sure, he’s a bit of a deviation from my usual lust for Magnificent Bastards, but have you seen those pecs? In all seriousness, that man is a sex ninja. That’s right: a sex ninja. I’m talking about going through positions that normally aren’t physically possibleand he’s all bestial-hind-brain driven– you can tell by his opening narrative that he’s not just a growler, he’s a biter.

Mitsuomi Takayanagi from Tenjho Tenge: This is a bit of an obscure character for most and, man, is his hair odd. But when you’re an intelligent piece of beefcake that is casually manipulating people into potential deadly scenarios so you can finally bang your angry ex-girlfriend into submission… mrowr.

Russell Sherman

Jessica Rabbit: Now this is the only female character that could make me choose to be straight. She’s sexy, loves the nerdy type and is committed to her man, sure she likes to pay patty cake but who doesn’t? This chick is all right in my books.

Dr. Emmett Brown: Inventor of the stylish time machine, the Tardis may have a pool but it’s not a DeLorean. Who would want to spend their lifetime traveling through time with their lover? Doc is the whole package, he’s a creator, smart, artistic (although not always to scale) and the man can dance.

Sam and Dean Winchester: Those two have earned sex from everyone on the planet, they prevented the Apocalypse, fought the devil (and won), and are actively trying to make the world a better place even though it keeps taking everyone they care about away. We owe them this, gay straight doesn’t matter they have earned a spit roast with you in the middle.

Merlin: He’s frikin’ magic for crying out loud, this is a man that could make all of your dreams come true. If you want to frak on a magic carpet ride he could make it happen. You want to ride a unicorn down the wedding isle again he could make this happen.

Wallace Wells: The gossip man who owns all the cool things in Scott’s apartment. He’s sarcastic, Canadian and gay so this makes him the one character on this list that I’d actually have a chance with not to mention if things work out we could actually get hitched and it’d be legal. That man is good looking in both the comics and the movie and is not afraid to speak his mind.

Matt Blackwood

Aela the Huntress from Skyrim: Face tattoos, mismatched armor, lots of skin showing- she’s like a medieval Suicide Girl. Plus, she’ll kill a storm atronach with a rusty dagger if you ask her. Of course, there is that “wet dog” issue; is there a Valtrex for lycanthropy?

Blink from Exiles: She’s brave, clever, kind. And pink. All over. Also, you never have to worry about being late again; with her portal power, you can go wherever you want INSTANTANEOUSLY! You want to step out for Chinese in Beijing? Bring a Somalian family to the never-ending pasta bowl? Get a Facebook profile pic on the Moon? Blink can make it happen. And did I mention she’s pink?

Terry Griffith from Just One of the Guys: Terry is the best kind of girl- one with balls. As a budding investigative journalist, Terry fights against the rampant sexual discrimination she faces by going undercover in drag to write an expose. She’s tough and funny and smart and willing to fight for the disenfranchised. And if you’re one of the guys who saw the flashing scene in his formative years, I don’t have to tell you what a model of physical perfection she is.

Margrethe from Job: A Comedy of Justice: While God and the Devil play their sick games with our hero (randomly dropping him in alternate realities Sliders-style in this classic Heinlein twist), Margrethe is the only constant good. The Danish stewardess is kind, understanding, and sexy. And anyone who makes sandwiches that can LITERALLY be considered heaven is worth holding on to.

The Mother from How I Met Your Mother: Like JJ Abrams, I’m obsessed with a mystery box. In 7 seasons, we’ve never actually met the mother. It’s the most misleading title since BJ and the Bear. Will we ever actually see her or is she like the alien from Contact? Is the mother just a concept, an ineffable ideal? Well, if the pedigree of Ted’s past girlfriends (including Cobie Smulders, Jennifer Morrison, and Mandy Moore) is any indication, the unseen mother is going to be totally effable.

Brian Gilmore

(Editor’s note: NSFW…It’s Gilmore)

Ariel from The Little Mermaid: Now, you can only really either go kind of masogynist or extremely masogynist on this one. Because you either have a girl that has no other choice but to go with mouth sexies all day all the time or one that’s super hot and can’t talk. She’s really willing to go a long way for you, too with the whole abandoning her people and voice thing. And she’s always pretty much topless, which is awesome. Also she wouldn’t get fat from having kids with you since they’d probably just grow in egg sacs.

This just got weird. Moving on.

Daphne from Scooby Doo: Any girl that wears a vagina-length skirt to a swamp and yet bothers to wear a scarf is fine by me. She’s also an idiot, which is awesome for a 1-night stand… I mean, they’re all idiots on that show unless every crook in the Scoobyverse is good enough at make-up design to be a contestant on Face Off. Also she’ll think you’re awesome in bed, since all she’s used to banging is one of the most infamously closeted gay characters in classic cartoon history. I always kind of assumed he was so obviously fabulous that he dressed her. One day: “gurrrl, how you wearin that fabulous purple dress with no flair?! Here, borrow one of my scarves!” Not only are her insanely hot fashion choices the thing that made me realize that legs rule, but she has red hair, and as we already established, this matters.

Tinkerbell: NO. SHUT UP. HEAR ME OUT. So, I’m not going to try to make the age-old argument of “hell yeah, I’d make her look like a lobster dinner” that you’ve heard pretty much since before we walked upright as a species and consistently every night as a child. This isn’t why we’re here. We’re all better than that. It’s because it wouldn’t entail any actual kind of P-in-V, so it’d be a one of a kind experience. Let me explain. And I’m so sorry for this. She’d be buzzing about at maximum speed all over you and everything would just kind of feel like as if Fleshlights worked themselves hands-free while you sat comfortably in a vibrating chair. She’d be the Brookstone of fictional lovers. Also, awesome fashion choice once again. Strapless dress that goes up to the fallopes even when 90% of the time she’s flying? Awesome fashion choice.

Wait. We can pick people played by actual humans?

Inara from Firefly: The only downside to this is that she might be a little disappointed because it’d be like asking a surgeon to do surgery at home (I swear to God there’s a better analogy for that). But she’s trained to do this. It seriously has to rule. Also you’d be doing it in space, which is awesome. Although technically I guess you’re always in space. But after letting her show you why only rich white dudes can afford her, assuming she’d be hosting (and yes, these are all now Craiglist casual encounters in my head), you could go down to the cockpit and play dinosaurs with Wash, as long as this was a time in which we hadn’t watched how he soared yet.

The Nun That Kate Upton Plays in the New Three Stooges Movie: I just really want to have unprotected Catholic sex with Kate Upton.

Stephen Prescott

Joan Halloway from Mad Men: Va-va-va-voom!

Winifred Burkle from Angel: She is the definition of adorkable and she’s a genius to boot. Zooey Deschanel wishes she had an ounce of the awesome that Fred has.

River Song from Doctor Who: Super smart, omnisexual and psychopathic. Everything I look for in a woman.

Irene Adler from Sherlock: Sherlock’s equal in almost every way. Also any woman who considers getting naked “putting on her battle armor” is a woman I’d like to meet.

Rose Tyler from Doctor Who: I don’t think there will ever be a time where I don’t have a total crush on Rose. I could blather on forever about how clever she is and how gorgeous she is and how much fun it would be to travel through space and time with her. I feel as though I completely understand why the Doctor loved her so much.

Jonathan London

The Cuckoos: Choices 1-3 MADE in a Greg Land drawn mind sexing! And one of them is in profile because Greg Land couldn’t find anymore three quarter model shots to trace in the Sears catalogue!

Gambit: He’s just a shithead. A bangable shithead that smells like cigarettes and strip clubs.

A bunch of pugs dressed up as Elf Quest characters: Editor’s note: JK this exists at London’s house and is not fictional.

Justin Lamb

Zuul The Gatekeeper: Dana Barrett is a triple threat. She’s a culturally affluent Manhattanite who plays the cello. She enjoys aerobics but knows when to spoil herself with a bag of Stay-Puft marshmallows. And she’s the corporeal medium for a demigod worshiped by the Sumerians and Hittites in 6000 BC. Long story short, things could get frigthful, but I ain’t afraid of no ghosts. Our safety word could be proton pack. Are you the keymaster? Yes. Yes, I am.

Pris from Blade Runner: Basic. Pleasure. Model.

Mrs. Brisby from The Secret of NIMH: I feel for Mrs. B. She is a sweet widower who wears that Pixie cut really well. She sort of reminds me of Mrs. Dawes, the 40-something woman who used to live next to my parents. Mrs. Dawes would work in her garden in a swimsuit top and khaki Mom shorts but she would still look surprisingly hot. Who knows, one night after stealing some corn from Farmer Fitzgibbons, maybe I would be cutting through her yard and oops I sprain my ankle. Mrs. B takes me inside to help me ice it down but instead things heat up. And then we put that red hood over those old photos of Jonathan Brisby.

Erin the Esurance Girl: Fearless, smart and sexy – whether she was stopping giant death-ray wielding automatons or saving me up to 25% on my auto insurance, this secret agent always sent me Thunderballing. Esurance stopped using her after she did poorly in a survey of popular corporate mascots. Despite being decommissioned though, she still fires up my Burn Unit.

An adult version of Princess Ruto from Ocarina of Time: I spent so many hours on that fucking Water Temple…I earned this.