I was gonna write a big long intro but then Molly summed it all up in a few sentences:
“Anyone else REALLY hate when pay per views are named after gimmick matches? Seriously, it’s on mischief night. There was literally no better time to bring back Halloween Havoc. Whatever. Your loss, WWE. “
Match #1 – Bayley vs Dana Brooke
Bayley – Female Sami Zayn. She’s all about hugs and being a fan girl for wrestling. It’s almost impossible to hate her.
Dana Brooke – She looks tough but then talks… and then wrestles. It’s almost impossible to like her.
WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: I obviously want Bayley to win… but that’s the whole point of Bayley, you want to see her succeed but she never does … until Wrestlemania (spoiler for my future predictions). Dana Brooke has got this one on lock.
Molly: Dana takes some notes from Tetsuya Naito and spends the whole match focusing on a single body part (ie Bayley’s arm) to get the clever win
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt: Dana will eventually turn on Charlotte Flair and have a nice little back and forth with her. Bayley will continue to try her hardest and eventually get to a big moment at Wrestlemania… possibly in a Four Horsemen Fatal Fourway Main Event.
Molly: After the war flashback to NXT Season 3 in which we had to watch two great athletes doing anything-but-wrestling-on-a-wrestling-show, Dana and Bayley should have what they should’ve had in the first place. And that’s a smart, almost as old as Ultimo Dragon wrestling storyline in which a competitor brutalizes the shit out of one of their opponent’s body parts to get a believable win that also proves them to be smarter than you thought. If Dana focuses on destroying Bayley’s arm, it would make sense why Bayley couldn’t get a win off the bayley-to-belly suplex, or fully lock in a submission. So a Dana win would be expected and deserved. Thus leading to Dana trying to further prove her candor before facing hell at the hands of Sasha Banks for EVER thinking she’s a badder bitch than Sasha. While Bayley goes on to do as I said she’d do in my Sasha vs Charlotte paragraph.
Match 2: Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado, and Sin Cara vs Tony Nese, Drew Gulak, and Ariya Daivari
It’s going to take a lot of time giving a breakdown on all these guys and WWE Raw can’t seem to be bothered to promote these people as individuals anyway so instead I just recommend watching all of the Cruiserweight classic for everyone except Sin Cara. If you want to know more about Sin Cara I suggest the Scooby Doo Wrestlemania Mystery DVD.
WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: This is the hardest one to predict because there’s literally nothing building this match. WWE has barely attempted to actually have a cruiserweight division. They made some of their best content with the CWC but then just said ‘fuck it’ with the actual division. I’m going to lean towards this being a victory for Nese, Gulak and Daivari … specifically with Nese getting the pin. This is for no other reason than I could see Vince wanting to push Nese sooner rather than later.
Molly: Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado, and Sin Cara will win for the sheer fact that we all know the heels aren’t going to pull this one out (and you know I’m being honest because I’m saying this despite the fact that Drew Gulak could stretch me the fuck out at any given time).
What Happens Next:
Matt: I could see Tony Nese and Cedric being used for lots of big things in WWE and pushed to a non-Cruiserweight position. Tony Nese will most likely be the next person to chase T.J. Perkins. As for these other guys, it’s too early to say. I hope WWE actually gives the cruiserweights the 40-60 minutes of TV time they deserve each week and I can predict other things. In the meantime at least I can hope that Gentleman Club will continue in Chikara until WWE realize the prize that Drew Gulak is.
Molly: I don’t really get why they just tossed Sin Cara into this mix. Guess they figured no one would really notice and he’d just blend in? You can’t really blend in when you’re one of the guys in the spangled cerulean mask. Sin Cara needs to state why he’s come to take up space in this stacked division, and most sensibly, it’s because he’s been offered an opportunity on the RAW roster than former teammate and obvious future cruiserweight champ, Kalisto, can’t take advantage of. That in mind, Sin Cara really shouldn’t be on a team in the first place. So when the faces get the win, Sin Cara takes full responsibility and declares himself the rightful #1 contender to the belt. Cedric and Lince don’t react well to this, cause now both have matches against Sin Cara to win contendership. Lince wins so we get the Kendrick vs Dorado match that should be coming from this gradual push Dorado has been getting on RAW. Meanwhile, Nese and Gulak will continue to be my dark horse favorite in the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic until they’re ultimately fed to the Big Shield- I mean, Authors of Pain.
Match 3: Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs. Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson
Enzo and Cass – Jay and Silent Bob… the wrestlers.
Gallows & Anderson – The toughest guys who never win in WWE.
WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: Enzo and Cass will take this win. They don’t need the win as much as Gallows and Anderson… but I’ll get into that below.
Molly: Gallows & Anderson will win by strangling Enzo and Cass with the last shreds of dignity they have
Josh: Poor Gallows and Anderson came in as such a big deal, and now they’re just… kind of there. Enzo and Cass work well as the underdog team, so them losing won’t mean much. The Club however, needs whatever momentum they can regain, especially after Anderson ate two singles losses in two weeks, one of which was in seconds. Gallows and Anderson are my picks.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt: So Molly will probably read this and want to throw something at me but luckily for me I’ll be safe in Disney away from her death glare. This is coming from someone who’s pre-WWE knowledge of these two goes no further than what Molly has told me and one match I saw. I think we are going to see Anderson and Gallows lose a lot over the next few months. That is until about Royal Rumble.
By the time Rumble comes around New Day will have broken the record officially. It’s around here I could see Anderson and Gallows starting to kiss ass with the reformed Authority (I doubt GM Foley makes it to the end of 2016… more on that later). They will win with Authority interference at the Rumble but it’s at Wrestlemania that they will reveal the “leader” of their little club. Once they have a leader to point them in the right direction they will really shine as an unstoppable force in WWE… until WWE throws the belts on Enzo and Cass.
Molly: I’m getting really sick of having to convince people that Anderson and Gallows are actually really good. I’m hoping this run they’re on is like when Samoa Joe first arrived in NXT. Those unfamiliar with Joe weren’t interested in him cause he wasn’t performing at top form and his booking didn’t spark intrigue. Then he hit his stride and started strong style-ing the fuck out of people and now he’s arguably the best wrestler on NXT. I’d like to hope following this drizzling shits run that the Club has been having, they’re going to be allowed to get more aggressive, and wrestle like they’re in guerilla warfare. Have them go up against Cesaro & Sheamus with the atmosphere that this is heel vs heel. Give me death, or give me the death of the Swiss-Irish connection at the hands of the Club.
Josh: It’s clear that The Club is being built back up, possibly to take the Tag Team Titles once the New Day breaks the record. They’ll keep treading water until that time comes. As far as Enzo and Cass, there’s a reason they’ve been kept mostly separate from the title scene. Expect them to make waves closer to Wrestlemania season.
Match 4: The New Day vs. Cesaro and Sheamus
New Day – Our Current WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS … they’re funny about 90% of the time which is more than I can say about most of the Raw Comedy bits
Cesaro and Sheamus – The will they/won’t they tag team that hates each other and is forced to fight together based on a technicality
WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: I wish that I could say it’s Cesaro and Sheamus because I think it’s been time for the New Day to drop the belts for a while now… but I really do think they’re gonna keep them champs until they break the record in December.
Molly: The New Day thanks to the obvious impending implosion that is Cesaro and Sheamus’ partnership.
Josh: This is a hard match to call because either result flies in the face of common sense. As hard as The New Day have been pushed to break the tag team title record, it would normally be a given that they’ll hold the belts until it’s been surpassed. On the other hand, Cesaro and Sheamus have had months of development invested in them, across 10 singles matches and a series of tag team battles where they seemingly can’t get along. That normally means they’re in line for a fluke win. Still, throwing away a few months is better than throwing away a whole year, which is why New Day’s reign will continue after the show closes.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt: The New Day will continue to be a dominate team until Royal Rumble after they have shattered Demolitions record. Cesaro and Sheamus will just keep being the “will they? won’t they?” tag team until they turn on each other and we get another best out of 7 series.
Molly: The New Day is just gonna keep doing what they’re doing cause, I mean, if it ain’t broke? Granted, I’d like to see New Day do something different. However, anytime they try to be serious (their feuds with the Wyatt Family and the Club) it never lasts after they win the feud. They go right back to being happy fun-time New Day. So how bout we stop trying to make them super serious? You already have 4 other champions you can take seriously on RAW. Let us see a fully fleshed out feud between the New Day and Enzo & Cass that we’ve been waiting on. Let it start out as a comedy feud in which decent matches are put on that slowly gets more and more serious (the trash talking gets personal, Francesca II gets broken, Carmella gets involved) until we reach the Rumble or ‘Mania, where Enzo and Cass finally get the title and the run they deserve after New Day’s record breaking run is well and done.
Josh: This feud will continue, only because New Day has no heel contenders left, while Sheamus and Cesaro have nothing else to do either. If Sheamus doesn’t challenge for the US Title, I can see this team slowly become a well oiled unit and be more prepared for a second shot. When they lose a second time, that’ll be where the team will split.
Match 5: T.J. Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick
This is literally the same match as last month’s PPV… there’s not even a new stipulation. Because of that, here’s what I wrote last month:
T.J. PERKINS: Just won the CWC and got a trophy almost as tall as half the people in the CWC. He loves to Dab.
BRIAN KENDRICK: Was one-half of one of the longest reigning tag-teams in WWE history (with Geekscape family member Paul London). He looks like the bassist of the Lone Rangers.
WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: Perkins will continue to retain, he’s the only person they’re giving any type of story to, they’re not going to hand it to Kendrick as much as I want that to happen.
Molly: Brian Kendrick. Maybe we’ll see some interference from Kendrick’s new buddies, Drew Gulak and Tony Nese, but honestly, Perkins and Kendrick have not had a decent match together once in their run so idk who could save this feud at this point.
Josh: This might be the most head scratching feud of the bunch. On one hand, I feel like TJ needs to establish himself as a strong champion to give this division as much credibility as possible. On the other hand, Kendrick would be completely dead after a loss considering that the storyline is now that he’s old and can’t win without asking TJ to throw the match… Which also flies in the face of the last two months where Kendrick has beaten TJ, Rich Swan and Cedric Alexander relatively clean. Then again, Kendrick is resuming his wrestling school enrollments here in Los Angeles for a November class. Could he be on the way out? Anyway, I’m siding with TJ here.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt: T.J Perkins will hold the belt until they move Austin Aries up from NXT. He will come in and be the heel CWC champion who everyone loves to hate and will be absolutely obsessed with seeing get dethroned. It’s what made The Miz’s IC Title run so compelling and why heel champs are frequently more memorable than face champions. Here’s hoping Vince doesn’t shut down the Cruiserweight division before Austin gets to the main roster. It was practically built for him.
Molly: Kendrick is very clearly being built to run the division since, in the strangest twisting of events since 2009, Kendrick is WWE’s chosen guy. If he doesn’t win, then this storyline build has kind of been for naught. What I don’t like is how much WWE has made Perkins seem like a beatable champion. In the cruiserweight division, every guy without a built in reputation will seem like a beatable champion. I just really need to see this feud end so Perkins can start going ham on Nese or Gulak like I know he could. For real, if WWE shows were anything like indies, I’d warn you all to avoid the first 4 rows of seating when these guys wrestle. You’re in the suicida splash zone.
This would lead to Kendrick vs Lince Dorado, which I’m pretty sure is what WWE is building to anyway. Out of that, I hope Dorado just gets some more mic time, or at least a backstage segment to give his character some weight. Most luchadors are forced to depend on their flippy shit to get them over. News flash: audiences come for the flippy shit, then eventually get the fuck out of the way for it and never come back.
Josh: Tony Nese seems to be getting established as the big man of the Cruiserweight division, so knowing how WWE books, I can see TJ moving on to the “unstoppable monster”. Kendrick on the other hand, might float in and out of multiman matches until he’s either completely gone, or shows up on a more limited basis. It’s really hard to be taken seriously after the actual story dictates that you’re too old to get the job done.
Match 6: Roman Reigns vs. Rusev
Roman Reigns – He could be the biggest star in the world if he had any charm or delivery but instead he’s the babyface that everyone hates
Rusev – He’s the bad guy because he’s a foreigner… and no other reason.
WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: I want it to be Rusev but I can live with it being Reigns. This is where Reigns belongs right now. Mid-Card US Title run is where he should have started to begin with so this is righting the last two years of wrongs.
Molly: Roman Reigns is going to ride Rusev’s Wrestlemania 31 tank directly into the cell, coming full circle to CRUSH the empty shells that Lana and Rusev have become.
Josh: Much like at Clash of Champions, I really want Rusev to win, but I know it’s not going to happen. I mean, what reason would I have not to? The man had his wedding celebration ruined. He was only given an 86 rating in WWE 2K17. Colorado booed his family! You don’t boo Babushka! Rusev has been wronged at every turn, and Roman will commit one last wrong when defeating the Bulgarian Brute in the cell.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
Matt: I usually make sure that I write stuff before I read the other writers predictions but I accidentally saw Josh’s prediction for this already. Then I saw Molly’s predication as well. Just read what they wrote and just imagine me saying “What they said” afterwards as my prediction.
Molly: I miss the old Rusev, straight from the ‘Go Rusev
Chop up the soul Rusev, set on his goals Rusev
I hate the new Rusev, the bad mood Rusev
The always rude Rusev, spaz in the news Rusev
I miss the sweet Rusev, chop up the beats Rusev
I gotta to say, at that time I’d like to meet Rusev
See I invented Rusev, it wasn’t any Rusevs
And now I look and look around and there’s so many Rusevs
I used to love Rusev, I used to love Rusev
I even had the pink Polo, I thought I was Rusev
What if Rusev made a song, about Rusev?
Called “I Miss The Old Rusev,” man that’d be so Rusev
That’s all it was Rusev, we still love Rusev
And I love you like Rusev loves Rusev
Josh: I would like to think that something bigger is lined up for Rusev moving forward, at least for the time being. Since I don’t see Rollins winning the title this soon, I can see Rusev becoming an Authority stooge and keeping Seth busy while Owens plows through a few other challengers. As for Reigns, I have no idea. I literally just scrolled through the entire roster to jog my memory, but there are zero credible heels at the moment that aren’t tied up with something. Everyone viable is either a Cruiserweight, in a Tag Team, or in a feud. My best guess would be a revival of last year with Shemus, but I see this as VERY unlikely.
Match 7: Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte
Sasha Banks – She’s our champion again … just like she deserves to be
Charlotte – Recently renamed Charlotte Flair for unknown reasons.
WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: I have a huge issue with how this thing is being booked honestly. I’m glad that we’re finally getting a women’s Hell in a Cell match but this could have been booked SO MUCH better. Rewatch the build to Sasha/Bayley’s Iron Woman match. It was perfect. Sasha lost to Bayley and showed up demanding not just a rematch. She didn’t just want to win… she wanted to beat Bayley over and over and over again to prove a point. That’s when William Regal walked in and said “Hey, that gives me an idea”.
This was set-up by Banks just saying ‘I want a Hell in a Cell match”, Charlotte said ‘I concur’ and then Mick Foley was like ‘that would be historic and you guys have earned it so sure why the fuck not’. You could have built to this SOOOOO Much better. Have Sasha and Charlotte have matches with each other but each match either has Dana Brooke interference or gets out of control and leaves the ring. Foley decides he NEEDS a definitive finish and the only way to ensure that is to make sure that no one can get in or out of the ring until there’s a winner. We deserve a reason more than just “They earned it”.
That being off my chest… Sasha Banks is going to retain and give Charlotte her first pay-per-view loss of the year. It will be after Charlotte does something INSANE inside the cell that looks dope but ends up costing her the match.
Molly: Sasha Banks probs gonna one up Mankind and jump off the cell onto Charlotte through TWO tables for the win.
Josh: With all of the back and forth this title has had over the last few months, Sasha has to pull out the win in the first ever women’s Hell in a Cell match. The real prediction is whether or not the girls are going to do something crazy to try to create a “historic” moment. I for one, am hoping that the two keep it relatively safe while using the cell in ways that surprise us as a viewer. Nothing too crazy, but the cell can be their canvas to set a standard for what women can do when treated as equals.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt: Sasha will retain until at least Wrestlemania. I could see her having a decent feud with a returning Emma (I refuse to call her Emmalina or whatever the fuck) and Charlotte will start throwing fists with Dana Brooke.
Molly: Matt and I agreed that we’re not fans of the storyline lead up to this match. “You women deserve it!” What the fuck?! No one DESERVES to be put through the hell of one of the most difficult matches in all of pro wrestling! That’s like saying “hey, you’ve been doing a great job, so instead of giving you a promotion, I’m going to throw you into this pit of snakes, lions, and geese! Dance for us, my monkeys!”
So here’s how I would’ve booked it following Clash of Champions: Mick Foley is the one giving all the women opportunities. Stephanie McMahon is like, “fuck no, the women are not making me money, no one wants to see this, this isn’t how we do things at RAW, I’m in charge and I’m not letting Sasha and Charlotte outshine the likes of MY handpicked stars, Rollins or Owens”. So what does Stephanie do to punish them? Put them in Hell in a Cell where they’ve been given permission to flat out murder each other. Match ends in a no contest, or Sasha just barely retaining. Both women have to be assisted out. Neither show up at RAW the next night. Steph McMahon’s plan has ALMOST succeeded. She’s eliminated 2 of the 4 horsewomen and you can’t do anything about it. But Steph didn’t factor in the likes of Bayley, Dana Brooke, Emma(lina, I guess), or Nia Jax stepping up to take over where Sasha and Charlotte left off. Bayley ascends to the top of the women’s card in a short amount of time. And Sasha and Charlotte return with a vendetta against ol’ pal Bayley.
Josh: With the women’s roster being as thin as it is, I don’t see Charlotte disappearing quite yet. Maybe a fatal four way combining all the women’s feuds on Raw can draw things out a bit? The apparent end game seems to be Bayley vs Sasha at Mania, so once those pieces are in place, I see Charlotte Vs. Dana happening down the line.
Match 8: Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins
Kevin Owens: Our universal champion, probably the most entertaining person on the Raw Roster right now.
Seth Rollins – Was a heel, now is sorta face… will probably be full face by the end of this match.
WHO WILL WIN:
Matt: Owens is going to retain but Jericho is gonna get involved and it will cause a rift in their friendship.
Molly: Kevin Owen Victory. It’s hell in a cell, so it’s no disqualifications. Therefore, I’m expecting some Jericho interference, and maybe another Triple H sighting???
Josh: This Seth vs. Triple H feud with Owens as a stand in isn’t doing anyone any favors to be honest. While the storyline has been more interesting thanks to Jericho and his comedy, this feud has just been one big stall until Triple H is ready to continue the feud with his former protege leading into Wrestlemania. Knowing that, I think Owens wins here, to give Seth more time to fight Stephanie on the side before his big title win leading into the big show.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt: Kevin Owens will next feud with Chris Jericho until he leaves for the Fozzy tour. Meanwhile Rollins will continue trying to be champ once again. That’s when Triple H shows up. Survivor Series will be the night. Foley will be gone shortly after that and Triple H will be the new GM. Rollins will be the Daniel Bryan of Raw… constantly getting fucked over by the authority figure… until he beats him at Wrestlemania. He will be our Universal Champion by Summerslam.
Molly: I just love this feud, despite the less-than-stellar build it has gotten. I know that hell in a cell signifies the ending of a feud, but I don’t want Rollins to stop being a chicken-shit crybaby, or Owens and Jericho to stop being best friends forever. So someone please explain to me how Jericho has gone on and on calling himself Owens’ best friend without having a real, legit feud with Sami Zayn? Can we get that started? Bring Sami into a mix he really oughta be in? If any match of this PPV is going to be the ‘blood’ match, it should be this title match to signify the massive amount of bad blood going into and out of hell in a cell between all the men involved. And that level of violence can’t risk dropping in the RAW episodes that’ll follow. I don’t need another Owens vs Zayn feud right now, but I’d be very into Jericho/Zayn, Rollins/Zayn, or (what I figure is the most likely feud to evolve from this match), Rollins/Jericho. Let Rollins get distracted by the only opponent other than the champ that’s deserving of his time. We’ll build more to the full Rollins babyface turn the closer we get to his match up with Triple H at Wrestlemania. Meanwhile, Owens has a couple blow off matches to solidify his reign going into a Survivor Series match against Smackdown champ, AJ Styles. Sure, you may think it’s too early for a brand vs brand match, but I don’t want it to be for any of the titles. Simply for bragging rights. The focus of Survivor Series should be more on, you know, the actual survivor series style matches anyway.
Josh: Given the teased tension between Jericho and Owens, this will be the next big title feud. As mentioned above, Rollins will move onto a brief feud with Rusev before getting back into the title picture in time for Papa H to make his return.