Author: Saintmort

We were talking every day for a while, and then she vanished. I’m familiar with this  — it’s happened multiple times in my life. Maybe she’s busy, maybe she’s found someone else, or maybe she’s just tired of me. There’s also the far more likely option that everything is fine and I’m just reading too far into it.

Being a hopeless romantic is tough, being a hopeless romantic with undiagnosed depression and anxiety is tougher. It’s far easier for me to believe that people are laughing behind my back than wishing me the best. Regardless what caused the silence over the last few weeks I’m angry at myself, because I allowed myself to be hopeful. Historically if I start to fall for someone, if I start to get hopeful that this might be the one that gives me a chance … I’ve practically guaranteed that they are never going to speak to me again.

I drove to work listening to the Carpenters. On a beautiful Friday morning I was being reminded that Rainy Days and Mondays always got Karen Carpenter down. This morning, Sunny Days and Fridays aren’t doing much better.

I vented to a friend, Carolyn, about my bad relationship luck. I painted an analogy for her. For me, romantically I’m picked last to play baseball. It’s infuriating to be honest. I could handle being dumped. I mean if I go up to bat and I swing with all my might but still strike out I can walk back to the bench at least knowing I tried my hardest.

My issue is that no one wants me on their team. They’ve never even seen me at bat yet. They just assume I’ll strike out I guess.

“It’s like the second they get to know me any desire to be with me disappears,” I vented.

That’s when Carolyn said something that really struck me. “I agree,” she said. “Once a girl gets to know you, she doesn’t want to date you anymore.”

At this moment I felt my heart beginning to sink. Sure, anxiety has made me feel that way, but I tend to vent with the hopes someone will verbally slam those negative thoughts out of my head and help stabilize me. But I read on, and Carolyn was about to make a lot of sense.

“If you were a puzzle piece,” she wrote, “you would be a very strangely shaped piece and girls would be the normal shape ones. You don’t fit with a lot of people”.

She then texted me visual aids.

“In a world of this…

… you are this”

“You might come across girls that you click with on the one side, but once they get to know you and see your other irregularities, the girls move on.”

Well fuck me? What the hell am I supposed to do? It made sense! I mean I could make a list of irregularities that would make any sensible girl run and hide. The fact that I write things like this publicly is a good example that would be reasonably high on the list. I alerted Carolyn that “I don’t think I have the ability to change my shape.”

That’s when Carolyn said the most beautiful thing. “You don’t have to change, you just have to
know that you’re a very special shape.”

I feel like if you’re reading this… you’re a special shape too most likely. When Mr. Rogers sang to his audience “You are special to me, you are the only one like you,” you felt like he was talking directly to you. You may have been in this same position. Watching a rom-com and identifying with the guy outside the window with a boombox. Sitting at a friend’s wedding with a slightest ping of jealousy. Listening to that song, that makes you think of that girl, and hoping she’s hearing the same song and thinking of you.

You may find yourself constantly feeling like there’s something wrong with you. You’d be right. But it’s not a bad thing. It just means you have to wait a little longer than the rest, but when you’re a special puzzle piece, you need a piece that fixes just right. It can’t be forced. I’ve had a habit of trying to force a round puzzle piece into the square space. It never worked out as a kid, yet I still at 30 blindly hope that it will.

The reality is if I’m patient, I won’t have to force anything. It just will be. I can just be for you too.

This is it… the last pay-per-view before Wrestlemania weekend! This is exciting. Smackdown’s pay-per-view was full of game changing moments that really changed up the card for Mania. Will Fastlane do the same? Hard to say but let’s make some predictions.

MATCH 1: Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa vs. The Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar (with Alicia Fox)

This is basically just a “throw people on the card” match. There’s no build to it really. Oh well.

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt – Probably Tozawa/Swann because Akira is the big new focus in the Cruiserweights.

Derek – I haven’t exactly been following 205 Live as of late, but I have seen Kendrick be really mean to Akira on RAW numerous times. Naturally, this is going to be Akira’s best shot at revenge. He’s angry, he’s going to get the pin, and hopefully he’ll get to teach Kendrick a ‘lesson’ of his own.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt – They will eventually build Tozawa up to a title match

Derek – Akira seems like a pretty big deal. I’d say there’s no way he doesn’t see a title shot in the next month.

MATCH 2: Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe

Samoa Joe basically murdered Seth Rollins and ever since Sami Zayn has been fighting in his honor because … Indie Wrestling Friendships or something? Either way this will be a good match.

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt – I wish I could say Sami Zayn but the Sami Zayn story isn’t ready to be told just yet. There’s no way Samoa Joe isn’t walking away the victor of this one.

Derek – This has been a cool feud, and I think it’ll build right up to Wrestlemania (as Seth is naturally going to be busy with HHH).  As such, I think it’s a bit too soon to see Sami go over the super evil Joe, so Joe is definitely going to take this one home.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt – Samoa Joe is going to continue to dismantle the midcard and up. Rumor is he’ll be part of a new faction (which promises to be pretty awesome if it’s true). Sami is going to continue to fight with all his heart only to lose in the end but I really do believe Sami Zayn will be winning the Rumble and headlining Wrestlemania in 2018 … if they can tell the Underdog story correctly.

Derek – These two grow to hate each other more and more over the next 30 days, Sami finally gets some justice at Wrestlemania.

MATCH 3: Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

I feel like this battle has been going for like 3 months now. It’s been going so long I forgot how it started but I know that Nia has been attacking Sasha at random for a while now.

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt – Nia needs to win this match. It’s important to my future predictions. Nia is going to continue to win for a few months but tonight she NEEDS to destroyed Sasha tonight. It needs to happen.

Derek – WWE has been booking Nia as the Braun of the women’s division, squashing foo’s left and right, and showing off her strength with some super cool spots. She’s been basically unstoppable for quite some time now, and while I’d love to see Sasha take her down, I don’t think it’ll happen at Fastlane. Reason? I think Roman will finally take down Braun, and we can’t have both monsters fall in the same night.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt – Sasha is turning heel baby. She’s going to be feuding with Bayley… why? I’ll tell you way.

Derek – Something gets built up that puts Nia at Wrestlemania, which is where she finally falls.

MATCH 4: Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair

Bayley beat Charlotte on Raw under some slightly weird circumstances. Charlotte demanded she hand her back the belt and Bayley refused and said she’d return it in a rematch only.

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt – Bayley is breaking Charlotte’s streak. I know you think they’re saving it for Wrestlemania but you’re wrong. Bayley is going to do the thing that Sasha couldn’t do and beat Charlotte on a Pay-Per-View.

Derek -I’ve predicted Charlotte matches incorrectly for almost as long as we’ve been doing the Fantasy Booking column, but this time is going to be different!

Charlotte has an incredible PPV streak of 16 (the number of world titles that were won by her father). Announcers have been talking about this streak FOREVER, and Charlotte in kayfabe has not taken Baylee seriously to this point, constantly noting that she doesn’t belong on the main roster, and wouldn’t even be champion without Sasha’s help.

Sunday,  Bayley will prove her worth. Dayna isn’t going to touch Bayley, and Sasha won’t touch Charlotte. This time around, without any assistance, Bayley is going home with the belt.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt – Sasha turns on Bayley. I see us getting a women’s triple threat this wrestlemania. It stole the show last year why not try it again. Bayley will have to prove she’s good enough against both Sasha and Charlotte

Derek – Honestly, with the tiny women’s divisions of both Raw and Smackdown, I hope that the storylines start mixing as Wrestlemania approaches. I’d love to see some of the Smackdown talent take on those from RAW, if only to keep things interesting at this point.

MATCH 5: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson vs. Enzo Amore and Big Cass

Gallows and Anderson finally won the belts last month and now they have their first Pay-Per-View title defense against Enzo & Cass for reasons?

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt – This feud has had very little build and there’s no reason to take the belts off Anderson and Gallows this soon. Unfortunately WWE left the belts on New Day for so long it hurt almost every Raw tag-team in the process. Anderson and Gallows are more dangerous than Enzo and Cass (because they don’t have Enzo as a tag partner) and I do really think that they will be turning Finn Balor heel when he returns and he’ll need the Club by his side. Why not give them some belts in the mean-time…

Derek -I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I really don’t understand the appeal of Gallows and Anderson. They have good chemistry, but nothing I’ve seen during their time in WWE has been overly impressive, and as soon as they separated from AJ brand-wise it seems as though the company hasn’t been sure of what to do with them.

I think that Enzo and Cass are taking the belts home, and I hope they keep them for some time (and drop them to New Day).

Really, it seems like The New Day held onto the titles for so long that now the company is giving everyone a turn.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt – So I just came up with this idea but continuing my theory that this will build to a Finn Balor return/heel turn. I think Enzo and Cass have another match against the Club at mania that they lose due to a surprise Finn Balor return and helps them win.

Derek – Enzo and Cass become even more hilarious as champions, YEAH!

MATCH 6: Neville vs. Jack Gallagher

Nevilla is the champion that the Cruiserweights has deserved while Jack Gallagher is just a delightful human being.

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt – Neville needs to win this one. I love Jack Gallagher but the cruiserweight needs to remain on a champion for more than 2 months. Neville should hold that belt until like Summerslam.

Derek – Neville has only been the king for about five minutes at this point, so there is no freaking way he’s losing it just yet. He JUST got an new intro and everything. The new-ish title has also changed hands so many times since its inception, so Neville is definitely hanging onto this belt for some time.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt – Jack Gallagher will continue to be amazing and hopefully reunite with his Mustache Mountain cohorts Tyler Bates and Trent Seven and be delightfully entertaining. Neville will keep being a great heel until like Summerslam.

Derek – Will we see a Cruiserweight match at Wrestlemania? With how much time they seem to give the division on Raw, and how much of a push the women have been getting over the past few years, I have to say that I doubt it. Neville is going to tear apart the division while Kendrick continues to be an annoying old man, and… that’s pretty much it.

MATCH 7: Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

Braun Strowman interrupted Reigns’ match against Kevin Owens so now he wants to fight the monster that is Strowman.

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt – Strowman. Possibly via Undertaker interference if the Taker vs. Reigns match that’s been proposed is real.

Derek -Roman will finally be the one who can take down Braun, feeding further into everyone hating Roman. I like Roman a lot, and even I think that this would be a bad move for the character. Braun is an incredible monster and I’ve loved seeing him dominate over the past several months. It’s going to be insanely exciting to see someone beat him, but having Roman do it is just too freaking predictable.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt – Brawn will win the Andre the Giant battle royale most likely and supposedly Reigns will face Undertaker. It’s a tired complaint from anyone at this point but they just need to revamp Reigns. Maybe not necessarily turn him heel but he needs some type of change.

Derek – Honestly, I have no idea. I have no clue who Roman should or could be facing at Wrestlemania, and if Braun is beaten by Roman, how to they build him as anything more than a large midcarder?

MATCH 8: Kevin Owens vs. Goldberg

Kevin Owens former best friend Chris Jericho set this match up, Goldberg wants a belt to take with him to Wrestlemania.

WHO WILL WIN:
Matt – I feel like everyone is getting involved in this match. Kevin will keep his belt but only because Brock Lesnar and Chris Jericho both getting involved in this match.

Derek – This is probably the match I’m looking forward to the most. Everyone hates Owens after what he did to Jericho just a few weeks back, and we haven’t seen Jericho since.

Goldberg hasn’t done much with his return aside from squashing Brock multiple times.

I don’t think we’ll see another squash this time around.

I think Goldberg will definitely take it, but that Kevin is definitely going to look strong in this match. We’ll see Jericho for the first time in weeks, and he’s going to get some much deserved revenge on KO.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:
Matt – Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens will have a title for title loser leaves town match at Mania (or someone will beat Jericho prior to Wrestlemania) and Goldberg will have a loser retires match against Brock the same night. Owens and Brock will win these matches.

Derek – Naturally we’ll see the Brock and Goldberg feud continue to grow until April, and I really can’t wait to see just how much hate grows between Jericho and KO over the next month.

I don’t know why but I do love the Elimination Chamber. In 2014 when I first got into wrestling I remember watching the pay-per-view on an illegal stream with my roommate. We had just moved into our house and had no cable, I was just getting back into wrestling and he was not a fan. I remember him and both crowding around my laptop in awe at the Shield vs. Wyatt Family match that year. It was one of my fondest wrestling memories. Perhaps that’s why I love this pay-per-view despite the fact that it is sometimes skipped in the calendar year (like last year).

MATCH 1: LUKE HARPER VS. RANDY ORTON

So Luke Harper has been a member of the Wyatt Family since like… forever. Randy Orton randomly joined the Wyatt Family and there’s been a little bit of jealousy between these two. Last month at the Royal Rumble Luke turned on Bray and Randy Orton won the Royal Rumble. This is basically a battle for Wyatt’s love.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:

Randy Orton is going to win this. There’s no way you have the Royal Rumble winner lose in his only pre-Wrestlemania Pay-Per-View. That’d be insane. Don’t get me wrong I’d love for the Luke Harper upset, but that’s just not going to happen.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:

Randy Orton is going to go to the Royal Rumble to challenge Bray Wyatt (more on that later) and will lose (again, more on that later).

MATCH 2: APOLLO CREWS & KALISTO VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER

Dolph Ziggler was a good guy (face) but really never seemed to be able to get the win when it mattered. Finally he snapped and started being a dick (heel) and beating up Kalisto because he was an easy target. Apollo Crews has repeatedly come to Kalisto’s aide leading to a 2 on 1 Hanidcap match.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:

Dolph Ziggler will win this. Elimination Chamber is not the feel good victory kind of show. The 2 on 1 handicap stipulation seems to only build Dolph Ziggler’s heel persona to be an even more legitimate threat.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:

Dolph is going to continue to be heel and Apollo Crews is going to eventually beat him fairly unceremoniously. I do believe that Crews has the talent to be top of the mountain one day, but he’s lacking the character right now.

MATCH 3: BECKY LYNCH VS. MICKIE JAMES

Becky Lynch was the Smackdown Women’s champion she lost the belt to Alexa Bliss in a genuinely shocking moment. Just when it looked like Lynch was about to win her belt back she was attacked by a returning Mickie James. Lynch has put her quest to get the Smackdown Women’s belt back on hold to take care of Mickie James first.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:

First I want to say kudos to Smackdown for having a logical reason for Becky Lynch to stop focusing on the Smackdown belt that doesn’t seem forced and makes sense to her character. I think Becky is going to win this. It seems weird with this being Mickie’s first real Pay-Per-View singles match in years but when I very briefly met Mickie a few years ago she seemed really focused on putting over younger talents above all else. I think after so many losses recently Becky could use a good Pay-Per-View win.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:

Becky will turn her focus back to the Smackdown Championship for Wrestlemania … and lose.

MATCH 4: ALEXA BLISS VS. NAOMI

After being gone for months Naomi presented an open challenge to anyone who wanted a fight. Bliss took this as a chance to come out and mock Naomi for being irrelevant. When Naomi pinned Bliss in a tag match last week a title match was created for the two.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:

Bliss is 100% winning this. While Naomi has definitely been impressive Bliss and Lynch is the Wrestlemania match we deserve to see.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:

Bliss will beat Lynch at Wrestlemania. This will seem like an odd choice but I genuinely believe that Auska will be debuting on Smackdown shortly after Wrestlemania and challenging Bliss for the belt and fucking DESTROYING her.

MATCH 5: AMERICAN ALPHA vs. BEAUTY AND THE MANBEAST vs. BREEZANGO vs. THE USOS vs. THE ASCENSION vs. THE VAUDEVILLIANS

After feeling like their Tag Team run has been under-utilized American Alpha said they were having an open challenge for the belts resulting in 5 teams coming out at once to challenge for the belts. It was then decided to let all 6 teams fight it out with the titles on the line.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:

Unfortunately the Tag Team division in Smackdown is pretty rough. Two of these four teams are made up of under-utilized singles wrestlers forced into a tag team. We keep waiting for Beauty and the Manbeast to break up and while I adore Breezango and want them to get more than they’ve been given I don’t see that happening any time soon (but Smackdown has a style of it’s own that makes it not out of the question). That being said, I don’t forsee American Alpha losing this one.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:

The Revival HAS to show up on Smackdown. You want to get Revival over quickly and you want people to care about American Alpha? Give us a Revival vs. American Alpha match. These are two tag-teams that NEED each other. They put on historic matches that will stick in your brain. Put that on Wrestlemania and it will be the show-stealing match.

MATCH 6: NIKKI BELLA VS. NATALYA

Nikki Bella was ambushed at Survivor series. IT was later revealed that it was her friend Natalya who attacked her (this was not a surprise) and they’ve been fighting it out ever since.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:

If the rumors that Wrestlemania is going to Nikki’s last match (or other rumors that she’ll be going to a more part-time schedule due to lingering neck issues) then this may be her last chance a feel-good singles match. I’m going to say Nikki for this one.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:

As I said I could see Nikki disappearing shortly after this and appearing in Wrestlmania strictly in a multiple tag match in the pre-show like her sister Brie last year. I’d love to See Natalya form an alliance with Mickie James after this.

MATCH 7: ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH BETWEEN JOHN CENA, A.J. STYLES, DEAN AMBROSE, THE MIZ, BARON CORBIN AND BRAY WYATT

John Cena won his 16th Championship last month. It was decided that at Elimination Chamber he would defend his title against five other men. They were basically picked unceremoniously and at random.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN:

I’m going to agree with general internet speculation that Bray Wyatt wins this. It just seems right. We don’t need another Randy Orton/John Cena match and honestly no one else makes much sense. I see Bray winning this for a big Bray/Randy match

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:

So there’s two ways I could see this going…

1) John and A.J. both claiming that they never got a fair rematch for the belt which leads to a fatal fourway. In this scenario I see John getting the belt back and breaking Ric Flair’s record OR A.J. winning … either way I don’t see Bray or Randy leaving a Fatal 4-Way retaining.

2) Bray vs. Randy happens at Wrestlemania and Randy loses when Luke Harper comes to Bray’s aide. I’d love to see Bray get a good long title reign before getting defeated by a now face A.J. Styles at like … SummerSlam or a smaller Smackdown Exclusive Pay-Per-View.