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SXSW Movie Review: Blockers

by MCDaveMarch 31, 2018

SXSW is more than just a film festival. The enormity of the annual event also includes world class musical acts, celebrity keynote speakers, informative tech conferences, and top-notch stand-up comedy shows. Yet, while the majority of laughter tends to come from the countless comedians performing all throughout downtown Austin, TX, I’m not sure if anything could compare to the riotous reaction from the crowd that brought down the Paramount Theater during the world premiere of Kay Cannon’s Blockers.

Each in a uniquely different situation, three lifelong best friends (Kathryn Newton, Geraldine Viswanathan and Gideon Adlon) decide to form a “sex pact” by agreeing to lose their virginity on Prom night. However, things get complicated when their overbearing parents (Leslie Mann, John Cena and Ike Barinholtz) discover the girls’ promiscuous intentions and embark on an outrageous adventure to put an end to the pact. Will these parents be able to stop their daughters in time, or will they realize the lunacy of their behavior?

Back in 1999 we were given a similarly themed comedy from a completely different male perspective with the instant-classic American Pie. Director Kay Cannon and sibling writers Jim & Brian Kehoe make their intention clear from the onset of the film, poking fun at society’s glaring double-standard when it comes to losing your virginity. They cater to this fact by embellishing the craziness of these parents who feel obligated to protect their daughters from this landmark event. It’s a strong stance and a valiant message that serves as the film’s most prominent component. There are two dueling storylines at work, that of the teenagers and their excitement to cross over into adulthood, and that of their parents who wish to suspend this inevitable transition. Blockers is at its best when the teens are in their element, playfully mocking the magnitude of losing their virginity with raunchy dialogue and carefree actions. Yet, the irritating counterpart of Leslie Mann, John Cena and Ike Barinholtz’s characters overshadow Blockers’ finer moments. This R-rated comedy fails to create cleverly designed humor and relies mainly on vulgarity, shock-value and even the overdone full-frontal male nudity (so be warned). And through it all Blockers fails to break any new ground with its well-intended and unique perspective, which culminates in a sadly missed opportunity for director Kay Cannon and everyone else involved.

GRADE: 3/5

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You Can’t Go Back Part 3: Write You A Letter Tomorrow

by SaintmortMarch 23, 2017

I’ve been spending a lot of nights alone lately. Why is that? I’ve been unexplainably sad. I’m afraid to reach out to my friends because I’m afraid I’d be a bother. Do not worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’ve been down this road a million times.

The problem with depression and anxiety is that it fills your head with thoughts that deep down you know aren’t true. You become concerned that you’re bothering your friends. When that happens, you feel like you only have two options: obsessively message them until you actually ARE bothering them, or shut yourself in.

Yesterday I randomly started watching videos of Mr. Rogers at work and sat crying quietly to myself for 20 minutes. What can I say… depression is a real bitch sometimes. After days like that, the only thing I can do is go home, put on pajamas, crawl into bed and watch one of my comfort movies.

You know how people have comfort foods? I think that’s a thing. I see people use the term all the time so it must be somewhat real right? In any case, I have comfort movies.

There are five of them. They are the movies that put me in a good head-space. They have very little credibility by film-standards but that doesn’t change the comforting nature they have.

When I was in Junior High/Freshmen year of High School, I felt alone a lot. This doesn’t mean I didn’t have friends (because I did) nor did it mean I was depressed all the time (although at times I certainly was), I just felt alone.

Most of my life I have been single. I’m 31 years old and I’ve spent just barely a year in a relationship. This is not to say I’ve avoided relationships. In fact more than any other thing in this world, I want to fall madly in love. I blame it on movies. It makes sense that movies would also be the thing that calms me down when I feel like I’m never going to find someone.

The comfort movies for me all deal with love in one way or another. Most of them it’s a main plot point (one it’s just a subplot). I can recall multiple Saturdays between 1998 and 2002 where I was alone in my parents house. I would get hungry and order a cheese steak from the pizzeria behind my house (Tom’s), walk over to pick up the Cheesesteak and then watch Empire Records, The Wedding Singer or Can’t Hardly Wait until the fears subsided.

I can never truly pin down what it was I saw in these movies that made me calm but I definitely have my guesses. In The Wedding Singer you have Adam Sandler playing Robbie Hart. Robbie desperately wants to get married and has ever since his parents died. When his bride no-shows their wedding he falls into a depression and is only saved by Julia (Drew Barrymore). Julia is a sweet girl who has a shitty boyfriend. Julia believes in Robbie’s ability to succeed, she believes he’ll find love but also sees something in him that all the women in past didn’t. While others saw him as a dude wasting his life singing cover songs at weddings she saw a genuinely good hearted guy who loved people and music but was talented enough to make it as a songwriter.

Wedding Singer was also the movie that gave me one of my first genuine celebrity crushes in Drew Barrymore. I loved her in this movie so much. I wanted someone that would believe I would succeed in all my dreams.

Empire Records. Well, that gave me hope of a dream job. Not necessarily working at record store (although I always wanted to), but a job where I was with my friends. We’d have fun. We’d talk pop culture and music. I lucked out. I found my Empire Records twice in my life. That would make 14 year old Matt Kelly really happy actually.

I’ll come back to Can’t Hardly Wait shortly. That movie is far too important to my life to summarize in a few sentences in the middle of this.

In the Summertime it would get incredible hot in my house, but the basement managed to always be freezing cold. I would sleep in the basement most Summers on the couch. Those summers I would watch the same two movies over and over again. American Pie and Loser. Both star Jason Biggs. This means really nothing, just that I have probably watched Jason Biggs act more than his own family.

Both movies filled the same purpose as Wedding Singer in the hopeless romanticism but it ran deeper than that. In American Pie, I saw hope of a sex life in High School. I wanted to believe someone would go to Prom with me, that I would get invited to the big party after Prom, that I’d have that high school memory. Meanwhile Loser gave me hope that I’d fall in love in college. That I’d meet that quirky, punk-rawk girl of my dreams and live happily ever after. I could hardly wait for those days.

June 12, 1998 the movie Can’t Hardly Wait was released into theaters. It was the last day of 6th grade. My friend Adam and I went to the mall and he made plans to see a movie with his girlfriend at the time. We were 13. There was nowhere for me to go. I couldn’t just drive home. So I sat by myself a few seats away. Adam and his girlfriend made out. I was captivated by the movie that played out before my eyes.

I had no desire to see this movie but midway through the film I knew I was watching something special. I knew these characters. I’ve heard people a few years my senior say that about when they watched John Hughes movies. This was my Breakfast Club, this was my Pretty in Pink. I KNEW these characters, and I was undeniably Preston Myer.

I had the ability to fall in love with a total stranger. I was able to build the fantasy of a future. It’s one of the toughest things about being a writer. You see someone that you like and within a few minutes you have written your entire life together. Vacations, dates, long drives, dinners, holidays… all of it has been written inside of your head. Preston’s letter… I understood everything that it represented.

Practically a year later I shared my first kiss at an end of the year party at Adam’s house. It was with my friend Claudia. Much like me, Claudia lived life by her own rules; we did it in different ways, but it lead to us both being outcasts. Despite our many differences, we were still friends. We respected each other’s uniqueness.

At the party everyone was drinking but myself. A crowd of kids went into the shed to play a game of spin the bottle. Claudia and I, ever the outcasts, went swimming in the pool instead. We were talking when suddenly she kissed me. It was a random beautiful moment and then it was over. We never dated, we always remained friends, we just shared one beautiful and special moment together in a pool and then went on with our lives.

Last year Claudia died. It was sudden and unexpected. At first I was shocked by the news, so I drove to the local diner and had a cup of tea and just sat there. Suddenly years of memories and regrets for years of silence all flowed into me at once. I couldn’t stop crying. I paid for my tea and went home and I watched Can’t Hardly Wait.

That movie is like a high school reunion with fictional representations of people I know. Claudia was there, so was Adam and there was I with a love letter. I’m still carrying the love letter with me, every day of my life. I eagerly await the day I can give it to someone who will appreciate it.

Retroactive Thinking: ‘Can’t Hardly Wait’ is 15 Years Old

by SaintmortJune 11, 2013

Today is a huge day in the world of cinema.

You see, today Jurassic Park celebrates it’s 20th anniversary. The legendary film that broke records, captivated audiences with its groundbreaking special effects, and caused hundreds of kids around the world (myself included) to develop an extreme interest in dinosaurs (specifically the Raptor which pre-Jurassic Park most of us kids had never heard of). I really should be doing a Retroactive Thinking about it… but I’m not. I like Jurassic Park, it’s a great movie… but 5 years and one day after its release, a film came out that left a much larger impression on me. That movie is 1998’s Can’t Hardly Wait.

I grew up in the mid-90’s. What I mean by this, is that since I was born in 1985, it was 1994-1995 when I really started caring about stuff. Once you hit the double digits, you start to listen to your own music, start going to the mall by yourself, and begin attending movies without your parents because now you’re a junior high student. The 90’s was full of forgettable teen flicks, and this was the one that started it all.

Can’t Hardly Wait (released June 12th 1998) was written and directed by Harry Elfont and Deborah Kaplan (who’s only other directing job was the criminally under-appreciated Josie and the Pussycats). The film not only reignited the teen flick after years of absence, but remains the best film of the resurgence (on par with American Pie). The simple plot follows a group of high school students at a giant graduation party. The biggest focus of the movie is on Preston Meyers, who has been in love with Amanda Beckett since freshmen year, but as long as he’s known her, she’s been dating Mike Dexter. Finally, on graduation day Mike and Amanda break up, and it’s Preston’s chance to tell her how he really feels.

We also follow the nerdy William Lichter as he attempts to get revenge on Mike Dexter, and Wigger Kenny Fisher (Seth Green) trying to lose his virginity. There are plenty of other small plot-lines mixed into the film (including a brilliant one about a high school band’s first show).

So why did this movie leave such a massive impact on me? It goes back to 1998. As shocking as it may be to you readers, but I was a bit of a geek in Jr. High. I remember this movie’s trailer and I remember not really having an opinion about it. Unlike when I saw something like The Phantom Menace trailer, I didn’t say ‘Man, I have to see that’. At the time I was hanging out with Adam, a kid who was my best friend throughout Junior High (and then we kinda went our separate ways in high school). I’ll always remember the day we finished 6th grade and felt like 2 grown ups (I, of course wouldn’t be an actual grown up until… well… I’m probably still not a genuine adult). I was invited by Adam to see this movie after our last day of school with a girl he was dating and her friend. As per usual, the girl’s friend had zero interest in me, so instead of getting my make-out on I just sat in a mostly empty theater watching Can’t Hardly Wait.

Can’t Hardly Wait was a rare type of movie. It was the only 90’s teen flick (again, except for maybe American Pie) that really had an 80’s feel to it. What I mean by that, is that the characters were relatable and very real. They represented the various cliche’s realistically without being stereotypes (much like Breakfast Club). It was the first time I felt like I was seeing my classmates accurately depicted on the big screen.

Six years after it’s release, I graduated high school, and while I didn’t attend a giant graduation party, I did attend a small party at my Salutatorian’s house. It was a typical gathering of high school outcasts. We decided to put on Can’t Hardly Wait, and we quickly realized that despite the film coming out when we were in 7th grade, we still graduated with those characters.

Every time I watch Can’t Hardly Wait, I desperately want to write my own teen flick. One day I will I’m sure, but no matter what I do or how hard I try, I’ll never create a teen movie as incredible and relatable as this film.

Simply put, I love the shit out of this movie. I’ve even attended at least three Halloween Parties dressed as Kenny Fisher (see below). Some people own every version of Star Wars ever released, and I’ve purchased every version of Can’t Hardly Wait made available. The VHS, the DVD, The 10 year reunion DVD, and on the day that Harry and Deborah release the uncut R version of the movie on Blu-Ray I will purchase it as well (and probably a Blu-Ray player so I can watch it).

You may be asking ‘an R rated version?’ In order to get a PG-13 there were various scenes that had to be cut from the movie. This also involved us losing one of the main characters in the original film, Crying Drunk Girl. Crying Drunk Girl (played by Jennifer Elise Cox) was the key character linking all the storylines together. The joke being that she hears Denise and Kenny get locked in a bathroom, she knows Preston, and offers to help Amanda find him. However, no one can understand her because she’s too drunk to produce genuine words. All of her dialogue would have appeared as subtitles letting audiences in on the joke. She eventually hooks up with the foreign exchange student.

Amber Benson and Jason Segel in Can't Hardly Wait — Amber Benson and Jason Segel in Can’t Hardly Wait

Two other characters, Stoned Girl (played by Amber Benson) and Watermelon Guy (Played by Jason Segel) saw a major cut to their screentime. Segel originally had a scene explained that for the last year he’s been soaking a Watermelon in Vodka, while Benson’s character only appears on screen for 2 seconds staring at a banana. Here’s hoping that somewhere an unrated version of the movie will see the light of day.

So, take some time and remember the 1998 film that launched enough careers that my friends and I like to play “Six Degrees to Can’t Hardly Wait”. Maybe Doug Benson will play that on Doug Loves Movies… in fact, I’m going to tweet that at him.

Geekscape 259: American Reunion Directors Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg

by JonathanApril 2, 2012

The American Pie franchise returns this week with its fourth theatrical release: American Reunion. All of the major and minor characters return this time but now the film is written and directed by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, creators of the Harold and Kumar films. We sat down in my living room to talk about highschool, college, reunions and getting old. And of course we talked about sex! How did the guys approach putting together such a famous franchise and will we see a fourth Harold and Kumar movie? Also, did they even go to their high school reunions? American Reunion is a hilarious and faithful new entry in the American Pie series and if your a fan of comedies or movies at all I think you’re going to love this episode of Geekscape! You’re welcome!

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Guilty Pleasures: American Pie – Naked Mile

by SaintmortApril 2, 2012

American Reunion is coming out this weekend and I couldn’t be more excited. I love the American Pie movies. This is nothing new. Most people love the American Pie Trilogy (or at the very least the groundbreaking original). I can already hear Shane O’hare going… “oh man his newest guilty pleasure is American Pie? What’s next Star Wars?” (Suck my dick Shane). You see, my love of AP surpasses most. Most people don’t own all seven American Pie movies.

Yes that’s right seven.

Now I can’t defend them all. Band Camp (part 4) and Book of Love (part 7) are pretty terrible while Beta House (Part 6) is enjoyable enough but Naked Mile (Part 5) is a legitimately fun movie.

Erik Stifler has a difficult life. He’s a senior in High School, he’s a virgin and he’s a Stifler. The name gives him a reputation to uphold. Erik has been dating Tracey for two years but she’s not ready for sex.

Erik’s best friends Cooze and Ryan decide to make a trip up to his cousin Dwight’s in Michigan for his college’s Naked Mile event. Tracey gives Erik a ‘Guilt Free Pass’ to get sex out of his system and his friends have ever intention of making him follow through on it.

At it’s heart Naked MIle is a good teen sex comedy (which typically doesn’t have a very high standard anyway). In fact if it has any fault at all it’s that it tries too hard to be part of the American Pie canon. You could easily have created the same movie without calling him Erik Stifler and in 5-10 minutes establish a family history of bizarre and plentiful sexual history. But let’s face it you don’t watch a sex comedy for the story lines (which has a hall pass plot line 4 years before the movie Hall Pass came out), you watch it for the nudity.

Naked Mile has without a doubt the most nudity of any American Pie film (not surprising since Naked is in the title). So in that respect it’s cheaper than buying a porno and it’ll remind you of your junior high years of jerking off to Fast Times At Ridgemont High (or maybe that was just me).

Eugene Levy appears in the film (because let’s face it, he’ll do anything for a paycheck) and he’s hilarious (when isn’t he). His character (as he has been throughout the whole Direct-To-DVD series) continues to drop us little pieces of info about Jim and Michele, in this film he says that he’s now a grandfather (and the trailers for American Reunion show Jim and Michele with their kids).

Do jokes fail? Sure plenty of them do. But many of them are quite funny. Some of the performances are pretty rough but Steve Talley’s performance of Dwight Stifler is pretty solid and the reason why the decided to follow these characters a second time in Beta House.

The movie had Eugene Levy, Midgets, shit tons of nudity and a drinking game that killed a guy you get exactly what you pay for with American Pie Presents: Naked Mile.Suck in the films gloriousness.

The Best Onscreen High School Parties

by MCDaveMarch 7, 2012

With the recent release of the most outrageous High School party movie ever made, Project X, I decided to pay homage to some of its predecessors. I decided to tally the top 5 onscreen High School parties of all-time. While compiling my list I took into account the amount of screen time attributed to the parties and how significant they were to the film’s central purpose. Therefore, some epic party scenes didn’t make the cut. My apologies to avid fans of my honorable mention list which includes Risky Business, Never Back Down, and Not Another Teen Movie. And the top 5 are …

#5 Superbad: Whether you lost it during the scene where McLovin’s cop friends unknowingly cockblock him or the instance where Evan’s blowjob offer turns into a puke parade, 2007’s Superbad has it all. Coupling unforgettable characters with a rowdy good time, there’s no question that Superbad‘s party scene is a memorable one.

#4 Weird Science: In the 1985 classic Weird Science, Gary and Wyatt are best friends who attempt to create the perfect virtual woman. However, their wildest dreams become a reality when they actual create a real life hottie that they name Lisa. Lisa’s sexiness is far surpassed by her various superhuman abilities. The boys use Lisa and her powers as a way to throw a huge party, but things go mightily wrong when Lisa conjures up some mutant bikers to stir some controversy. With Weird Science, director John Hughes creates yet another legendary party scene.

Even the rock band Kiss loves a party in the woods

#3 Dazed and Confused: Now is the perfect time to remind everyone that this list isn’t about which movies are better, it’s about the party scenes. With the 1993 coming of age classic Dazed and Confused, a mishap with the keg delivery forces a bunch of High School students to relocate their party to the woods. With notable scenes galore, both comical and dramatic, Dazed and Confused reminds us how awesome it can be to party it up in nature.

#2 American Pie: Desperate to get laid on prom night, 1999’s American Pie is the quintessential High School comedy. And when that faithful night arrives, the after party is filled with monumental laugh out loud scenes. Perhaps none of the post-prom storylines are as hilarious as Finch’s quest to take down Stifler’s mom. Kudos to you Mr Finch for giving teenage boys across the world a reason to believe.

It's always important to limber up before physical activities

#1 Can’t Hardly Wait: Having almost the entire film centered around one big epic party, 1998’s Can’t Hardly Wait tops the list. Offering more than just one of the greatest in-movie soundtracks of all time, Can’t Hardly Wait delivers an unforgettable look at a collection of High School Seniors in search of grandeur on graduation day. With characters like the goggle-wearing Kenny who debates “double bagging it” and the nerd turned big shot for an evening William, what’s not to love? Can’t Hardly Wait is the party we all wished we were at, and don’t try to deny it!

Note: MCDave also spends his down time critiquing films at Movie Reviews By Dave