Author: S.J. Borger

It’ll be three weeks before we get anymore Sleepy Hollow—but when it comes back, it should be with a bang—guest stars galore, including Fringe’s John Noble, and the return of the horseman.

But we’re not there yet, readers, are we? This week’s episode, “John Doe,” hit a lot of right notes and was a definite improvement over the good-but-predictable groove last week’s episode had.

Still had to wade through four minutes of ‘previously on’ voice over exposition before we get to anything new. Sure hope that will stop soon.

And the Adventure Begins

Eventually the voice over ends and we’re in a foggy, gloomy forest with a young boy—dressed like a page from a Ren Faire—being teased by a young girl that he ‘can’t catch her.’ With a laugh, she runs off (in white shoes! Who wears white shoes in the muddy, muddy forest?? A dead giveaway that something isn’t right) and he follows. He doesn’t get but a few steps before a horseman gallops behind him—Conquest, or Pestilence. The boy runs for his life, making it to the road as the horseman disappears into a fine black mist (an awesome effect only slightly reminiscent of Supernatural’s demon essence).

Side note: We had a joke planned about calling Pestilence Conquest but then some quick internet searching showed us the error of our ways: the horseman referred to as Pestilence is more commonly called Conquest. Who knew? Well, apparently the Sleepy Hollow writers. So, well done, them.

So, black dust swirl and scared boy segue into Crane and Abbie at Corbin’s cabin. Apparently Crane is moving in (…did Corbin leave the cabin to Abbie? Or Jenny?) and they’ve gone shopping for the necessities, like an orange soap-puff-thingy (they might have a name but we don’t know it).

After the requisite ‘you-must-have-faith/I-only-believe-what-I-can-see/but-you’re-a-witness/pfffft-whatever’ conversation (she refers to God as ‘the big guy’ so we know she’s a little agnostic), and the obligatory Crane-fumbling-with-modern-conveniences sequence (though those are funny. Mison’s frustrated-yet-polite-incredulity comedic timing is impeccable) Abbie gets a police call—someone has collapsed on a road close by.

She and Crane head out—despite her protests that it’s a routine call.

Nothing in This Town Is Routine

Our young boy has made it to town, where he passed out. A few witnesses (namely a mail carrier) remember enough to know which direction he came from.  Abbie’s ex, Morales, is already there (why are there THREE detectives at a collapsing-boy scene?) Crane is intrigued by the boy’s clothes—again, he’s all short pants/long vest/peasant sleeve’d up.

Abbie postulates that the boy got lost from a Ren Faire. To which we had to scoff, because after five weeks in Sleepy Hollow, Ren Faire is not the first assumption we would jump to. More like ‘he must have traveled in time! Everybody’s doing it now! We’re going to need border police before these Elizabethans come and take all our jobs!’

Or, possibly, is he Amish?

Crane seems ready to go with Abbie’s premise until the boy wakes up and cries out (typing phonetically now): “Euld thrun.”

Crane understand him—it’s Middle English. Before the boy can answer any questions, though, the Paramedic takes him away.

One Scene at the Police Station So We Don’t Forget It Exists

After the credits, we join Abbie and Crane at the Police Station. Abbie is going through missing persons because, well, she’s just not going to go with the whole supernatural forces theory yet. She defines ‘kidnapping’ for Crane (pretty sure that’s been a word for a while—yup, the internet says it’s English, from the late 1600s. So.)

Irving walks up for a status report; prompting another attempt to define a term for Crane, this one ‘John Doe’; Crane snaps back that he knows it, it originated in England (true, says Wikipedia, from as far back as 1300s).

Crane pleads with Irving that the child is from a similar distant past, as evidenced by his speaking Middle English (great King Arthur’s court reference by Irving, in his deadpan world-weary tone. The whole scene is just fun), Abbie says the kid isn’t in any database and that Morales—he of the ex-boyfriend-hood—is checking in with the local Amish (finally!).

Irving tells Abbie and Crane that the boy has some infectious disease and the CDC has been brought in and the boy quarantined. Abbie and Crane should go to the hospital to see if they can get any information from the child about where he came from and, perhaps, the disease which is rapidly killing him.

Oddly no one is checking in with Ren Faires…

Irving checks in with Morales, who brings up Crane as a possible problem (small town/people talk/he used to be a suspect). To be honest everything with Morales feels forced and awkward–the character, his dislike of Crane, his reason for being—and other than being the male-tight-shirt-wearing character to Abbie’s female-tight-shirt-wearing character, we are often left wondering what exactly his purpose is. He provides no real conflict and is apparently an inept detective (note: they still haven’t figured out John Cho’s body is MISSING).

Irving puts Morales back in his place (“is that gonna cause a problem, Morales?”), and thank God, that scene is over. Though Irving’s defense of Crane was awesome—including the part, when, alone, Irving silently doubts his own words.

VECTOR! CDC! QUARTANTINE! Out of Medical Words Now

Abbie and Crane get to the hospital, where Crane is appalled by the plastic quarantine sheeting.

They are met by an officious, brash and seriously one-note (BAD-TEMPERED GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL) CDC doctor. Who keeps calling the boy the ‘vector.’

Side Note: We know that in the study infectious diseases a vector is a real thing and is actually involved in the transmission of diseases; they are the biological or mechanical objects which allow the disease to jump to humans (think mosquitos and malaria…the mosquitos are the vector). We watched Contagion just like everybody else. But humans aren’t typically called vectors because even if they infect other people the disease is not species hopping. The first patient is called Patient 0 or something similar. Also, the CDC guy didn’t use any other infectious-disease type words like pathogen or virus or protozoa or virulence or vaccine or antibodies or gene-mapping…well, you get the idea. Not only was his character one note, but apparently so was his knowledge of contagious diseases.

Crane is offended by that (and rightfully so!) and wants to speak to the boy. He can’t touch him, but he can talk to him through a camera/TV set up. Which the boy, who’s from so far back he speaks Middle English, totally views as normal and doesn’t freak out about at all. Neither is he freaked out by the humans in biohazard suits or, you know, being naked and hooked to wires and getting pricked by needles. He’s the most composed ten-year-old ever.

We Don’t Think Middle English Means What You Think It Means

So Crane—in fluent Middle English, which is saying something since no one in our time or his has ever actually heard it spoken—questions the boy.

The boy’s name is Thomas Grey (finally, a name!). He says he’s sorry—he knew he shouldn’t have left the village.

Abbie—who is just NOT going to let go of her ‘this all has a rational explanation’ viewpoint—says they ‘see this all the time,’ people locking up children and threatening them if they run away (in Sleepy Hollow, which just, like, ten minutes ago was described as a ‘small, quiet town?’ Who’s doing all this kidnapping and locking up off children all the time?)

Crane points out that usually such people don’t teach those kids Middle English; CDC guy demands to know where the kid is from.

Thomas looks at the camera and says he’s from the village Roanoke.

Roanoke, Virginia.

CDC Guy springs into action, calling for lots of things and walking off. Crane, however, doesn’t think it’s the modern-day Roanoke. He thinks it’s the Roanoke Colony—the Lost Colony. The boy’s clothes and speech point to it.

Side Note: So, here’s the thing. Middle English, as a language, which phased into Early Modern English by 1470—which slowly transitioned into Modern English by around 1650.

Roanoke Colony was founded in 1584. On the order of Queen Elizabeth.

Shakespeare’s Queen Elizabeth.

So Middle English wasn’t spoken in Roanoke—if anything the kid should have sounded like something out of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. And this isn’t just a few years difference: by the time Roanoke was founded Middle English hadn’t been spoken in over 100 years. Crane talks about the language of Chaucer—and that is Middle English—but Roanoke would have been speaking the language of Shakespeare or Marlowe.

Ok, sorry, end rant.

But, seriously, research, people, research.

The Middle Part Where Much is Discovered and/or Explained

So, Crane hypothesizes that Thomas is from the Lost Colony (cue Flashback). As Crane explains the Roanoke lore (cue move back to research-book-club spot) including that the first colonist was born in Roanoke Colony, a Virginia Dare (how does he know these things??).

Abbie and Crane have another ‘do you believe…?’/’I believe…’ conversation that is interrupted (thank goodness) by Irving calling up and telling them the disease has spread to the Paramedic and the nursing staff.

Abbie and Crane decide to go to the woods where the mail carrier saw Thomas and see if they can find any clues; back in the hospital the ill Paramedic, covered in black-colored veins, sees Conquest riding down upon him.

Crane and Abbie search the woods and using Crane’s super-tracking skills (of course he has super tracking skills!)–explained in an interesting two sentences by Crane, that he has noble blood and was raised in a regal manner. Abbie doesn’t have any questions. HOW can she not have any questions?? Nope, she just keeps on walking into the woods.

they follow the boy’s trail to a small island. Crane discovers a symbol carved between two trees which leads to a hidden path beneath the water (which is patrolled by some…thing. Which is strong enough to yank a branch out of Crane’s hands but not interesting enough for an explanation) and Crane and Abbie cross the water to the island, where a weird camera angle tells us they are traveling through more than just normal space…

As they step into a clearing, Roanoke village appears (looking just like it did in Crane’s flashback). The villagers are gathered around a well that is in the center of town, and they greet Crane in Middle English. They all have the black vein disease but no one seems to be dying of it.

Was it a Horseman? Vaguely Genghis Khan-Looking Armor? Bow?

A town Elder takes Crane back to Thomas’ house and explains that the original colony was beset by a devil on a horse (Conquest, knows Crane), who brought a plague upon them. Virginia Dare was the first to die and her spirit led the village to where they are now, and something in that place has kept them alive.

Thomas’ father pleads with them to save his son; a young girl offers Abbie a purple flower (which made it seem important but, no, no pay off on that) and they return to the hospital, where more people have gotten ill—including Crane, who has to be sedated before he submits to quarantine.

Crane discovers himself in Purgatory with his wife, who tells him he must be dead or very close to dying to be there. They don’t have much time before Crane is jerked back to his body—just enough to explain that she is held in Purgatory and that Moloch has not allowed her to contact Crane recently. Also, we get a not-really-Catholic-canon explanation of Purgatory.

CDC Guy is even more unbearable, and Abbie is directed by Irving to stop investigating some crazy Lost Colony theory and report to Morales for her road black assignment (I guess the town’s in quarantine and they don’t have any uniformed police to do that? And if you’re wondering, ‘when did Morales become Abbie’s boss?’ So are we.)

Hey, Big Guy, I Need A Sign-Thingy. Kthxbai

Abbie slips into a convenient door to avoid being seen by Morales and the CDC Guy, which just happens to be the door the Chapel (praise for Abbie’ reaction, though, a sort-of resigned, ‘of course it’s the Chapel’). She has a heart to heart with the ‘Big Guy,’ asking for a sign.

Nothing happens. Leaving, she sees another penitent cross herself with holy water (not usually supplied in non-denominational chapels but okay, maybe that’s the mystical part) and everything clicks into place—

Abbie rushes to Irving and convinces him to release Crane and Thomas to her so she can get them to the water in Roanoke Village. Irving (via voice over) hatches a steal-the-astonishingly-ill-people plan which involves stealing an ambulance….and it goes off without a hitch.

Abbie, Crane and Thomas stumble through the woods to the village—Thomas clearly doesn’t have much time. Crane collapses and Abbie injects him with adrenaline to keep him going (a nice little ha-ha moment and indicative of the growing camaraderie between the two leads).

Crane, high as a kite, gets up and carries Thomas as the Horseman hunts them down through the woods.

Run, Crane, Run

They get to the island just in front of Conquest; Crane jumps into the well (deep enough to completely submerge him and Thomas) just as the Horseman rides up to claim them both. Conquest is too late; the water covers Crane and Thomas completely.

After a moment, Crane emerges. Wet. But cured.

Thomas, however, has dissipated. As has the village-all that is left is a dry well and old houses. Crane—always helpful—realizes that Thomas and all the villagers had all always been dead, and Thomas the ghost had been lured into leaving the village by Conquest (and, we guess, brought back to some semblance of life??), who had hoped to spread his plague as the beginning of the end of days (if that sounds familiar, readers, it’s because Supernatural had a similar plot line with Roanoke, Pestilence and the Croatoa virus).

Crane tells Abbie she saved them by having faith (last week she learned to have faith too, so hopefully this one sticks).

They walk off, job well done, episode over—

Nope. One, final shot of the Headless Horsemen (somewhat awkwardly) coming out of a lake while his pale horse waits on the shore.

The Wrap Up

All in all a good episode. The disease as magic or science was odd; not the combination of the two but how it was handled; the disease was a disease until it wasn’t. The CDC Guy, who could have added layers to the episode with dialogue about the strangeness of the disease, how it wasn’t viral or bacterial or something, would have given more depth to the piece, allowing the ending to feel like a real payoff and not just the end to that particular monster of the week. Also, the forced, cliché ridden conversations about Witnesses and belief and faith, while necessary (somewhat) in earlier episodes, are getting very rote now. Let’s see how Abbie is torn between her two worlds; facts and evidence, myth and superstition, instead of constantly being told how torn she is.

Also, if Crane could occasionally not know everything that’d be great. What’s the point of having all those books??

No episode next week, or the week after. Or the week after that. But hopefully episode six will be worth the wait–maybe Crane will get some new clothes! See the promo below for teasers and goodies.

Come back in three weeks for all the haps in the Hollow.

Sleepy Hollow airs on Fox on Monday nights at 9 p.m. EST/PST. It will return on November 4th.