Tag: Keanu Reeves

Constantine 2: Will That Hellfire Be Lit?

by Deidra Kathleen

As someone with an affinity towards most any cinematic or televised piece that plays with dogma or any sort of higher power going beyond basic humanity, it should come as no surprise that I find sanctuary – no pun initially intended – in pieces like that of Constantine, Saved!, Red State, Reaper, The Good Place, Lucifer, and Dogma.

So finding out there will be a sequel to Constantine had this satire* fiend squeeing! And despite knowing the original movie was most assuredly not a box office-crashing hit, I am more than ready to see everyone’s favorite “breathtaking” star perhaps rejoined by a certain hole-digging former Disney star. Seeing this duo reunited onscreen would resurrect my faith in most sequels – with the exceptions of a certain Armitage led fantasy film and another starring Whoopi Goldberg as everyone’s favorite pseudo-nun. Let’s be real – the latter mentioned is truly a gem and the casts of both contain some of the most legendary actors of our time.

And not to go all sunshine and daisies about all this hellfire and brimstone, but I am truly looking forward to whatever is to come regarding this work. Unfortunately, we cannot count our demonic chickens just yet, according to Screen Rant, Constantine 2 “has yet to be officially green-lit.” So just like with the pandemic, I suppose all we have left to do really is wait.

*I acknowledge not all pieces mentioned are satire.

Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020) Movie Review

by AnalogJonesTOF

Analog Jones climbs in the phone booth time machine one more time and finally reviews a new movie! This week we finish off this lovable franchise with our look at Bill and Ted Face the Music. 

https://analogjonestof.podbean.com/e/bill-ted-face-the-music-2020-movie-review/

Quick Facts
Directed by Dean Parisot (Galaxy Quest and Red 2)
Writers: Chris Matheson, and Ed Solomon
Production Company: Orion Pictures and Endeavor Content Hammerstone Studios
Distributed by United Artists Releasing
Budget: $25 million

Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020) Movie Review

Starring
Keanu Reeves as Ted “Theodore” Logan
Alex Winter as William S. “Bill” Preston, Esq.
Kristen Schaal as Kelly
Samara Weaving as Theadora “Thea” Preston
Brigette Lundy-Paine as Wilhelmina “Billie” Logan
William Sadler as the Grim Reaper

Listen to our other Bill & Ted Podcast
https://analogjonestof.podbean.com/e/bill-teds-bogus-journey-1991-movie-review/

https://analogjonestof.podbean.com/e/bill-teds-excellent-adventure-vhs-review/

How to find Analog Jones
Discuss these movies and more on our Facebook page.

You can also listen to us on iTunes, Podbean, and Youtube!

Email us at analogjonestof@gmail.com with any comments or questions!

We Attended The Alamo Drafthouse ‘The Bad Batch’ Film Premier Event!

by AllieHanley

Writer/director Ana Lily Amirpour (A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night) debuted her new film Sunday at a truly eclectic event venue just outside of Austin, called Stunt Ranch. There was a lot to see and do including a Q & A with Amirpour, the film’s star Suki Waterhouse, and Alamo Drafthouse’s own Tim League hosting from a chair wearing pajama bottoms. He discussed his love for Amirpour while also apologizing for his attire and emotional state as he is in the middle of recovering from several broken ribs and other injuries from an accident.

In the spirit of “keeping Austin weird” the event was just more than your standard screening with a “Q and A” session as it also featured a vast pit barbecue, trapeze (yes you read that right), ax throwing, zip lining, jumping into a huge air filled cushion bag from 30 feet up, pictures in front of a flaming van, a pool, and even more. In true Alamo Drafthouse style the event was also simulcast to other theater venues across the US so movie goers who live outside of Austin could enjoy the wasteland film.

The film “The Bad Batch” stars Suki Waterhouse, as well as four other high profile, actors, Jason Mamoa (starring in Justice League as Aquaman), Keanu Reeves (John Wick), Giovanni Ribisi (Avatar) and as a total surprise Jim Carrey (Dumb and Dumber) who was in a role that made him barely recognizable. You have to wonder just how did this apocalyptic film featuring cannibalism, capture the attention and the participation from such well known actors into a genre film?

The story can be described as a high bred of “Escape from New York,” “The Hills Have Eyes,” and maybe even a bit of “Mad Max.” This wasteland tale takes place in the badlands of Texas, but think more golf cart rather than supped-up hot rod.

When people don’t conform they are tattooed with a number and the initials BB for “Bad Batch” and dropped off into a place that looks absolutely desolate. Waterhouse is captured within the first few minutes of the film and brought to a town called “The Bridge” where god awful things happen to her. You won’t be able to look away.

Meanwhile in another town not far from The Bridge is Comfort, where Reeves character, The Dream (that’s his name) has a harem of pregnant, automatic weapon carrying women, who act as his personal guards. He delivers a life inspiring speech about the dream… “We aren’t good. We are bad. We are the Bad Batch!” in typical Reeves style where the dialogue borders on corny but at the same time is exquisitely perfect. The town throws nightly raves featuring free acid tabs and pounding beats.

If this hasn’t sparked your interest then consider ten scantily clad muscle bound men lifting weights, an awesome acid trip featuring stunning images of the night sky, an adorable gray bunny, a human being butchered, and a resounding sound track that at times makes you want to stand up and dance.

At risk of spoiling it no more details will be provided except to say that “The Bad Batch” is absolutely riveting. Amirpour’s breathless and mesmerizing story-telling has made me a fan for life.  Amid a summer of rehashed tales and massive marketing campaigns for super hero films, I recommend stepping into something different. “The Bad Batch” won’t disappoint genre film lovers.

I want to see it again.

The film opens June 23.

This film premiered at Fantastic Fest last September.
Rating: R (for violence, language, some drug content and brief nudity)

 

  • Genre: Thiller, Horror, Genre
  • Directed By: Ana Lily Amirpour
  • Written By: Ana Lily Amirpour
  • In Theaters: Jun 23, 2017 limited
  • Runtime: 115 minutes
  • Studio: NEON

 

Geekscape Interview: John Wick 2 Director Chad Stahelski Talks Sequel, Chapter 3, and Morpheus and Neo On Set

by AllieHanley

“John Wick: Chapter 2” is headed to theaters this weekend and will be tallying up one of the largest body counts, shot for shot in cinematic history  — and that’s an incredibly awesome thing! We love action movies at Geekscape and the sequel to John Wick takes it to a new level this time out with more backstory and bigger and “badder” action scenes.

In “John Wick,” the first film, which stars Keanu Reeves, we learn about a retired hitman known as the boogeyman, who was lauded as one of the deadliest assassins ever. In a twist of fate he’s pulled out of retirement after the death of his dog (a gift from his deceased wife) and the theft of his car. In “John Wick: Chapter 2” we see him trying to be retired, even going so far as to cement in his weapons once again into the garage floor. “Trying” is the key word. A figure from his past calls in a marker that requires John to do his bidding or pay a hefty price.

A reluctant hitman is not a happy hitman. What transpires is next- level debauchery all set to some of the most breathtaking action scenes set to grace the big screen. Think “The Raid II” and “Ronin” for an idea of how big this film is! JW2 brings to mind moments of the film “Ronin” where action and tension played center stage even to actor Robert De Niro. Like that film, “John Wick Chapter 2” allows the scenes to breath and expand from quiet to spectacular crescendo’s of action but still keeps an eye on story and character development. Car chases, hand to hand, and of course gun play take center stage in the John Wick films but director Chad Stahelski knows you can’t forget about story and character motivation. Even though in a film like JW2 where you don’t have a lot of time to get in deep with characters he still pays attention to character motivation.

Before I could ask him a question he fires off to me:

Chad Stahelski: So what was your favorite part of the movie?

Allie Hanley: I liked the shot sequence of when “Gianna” took her hair down and you could see the sharp end of her hair clip and you knew something was going to happen.

CS: She is such a bad ass.

AH: I like the way she went out on her own terms and the whole sequence that leads up to that in the soaking tub.

CS: That’s my favorite scene. I am a big fan of the artist Caravaggio and the catacombs in that scene are based almost sole off of his paintings.

The actress that plays that role, Claudia Gerini, she is like 42 years old and does her own one-woman show. I went to Rome looking to cast. She invited me <to her show> because she knew I was interested in talking to her. So I went to her show which goes on for two hours and she plays seven characters, she can do the splits, she’s a black-belt in tai kwon do, she does this incredible song-and-dance introspective kind of thing; And it was one of the most entertaining things I had seen in years. I was like I gotta cast her!

“John Wick” has a mythology and a dialogue. It’s a little left of center in that it’s not really plot motivated. It’s more TV based. If you watch “Taboo” or “Ray Donovan,” you follow the guy; You really don’t care what the plot is, you want to follow the drama. That’s how we modeled JW2. We cast actors who were willingly to embrace those types of characters which is a rare thing.

That’s how we got Riccardo Scamarcio, who plays Santino. He’s goes along with everything, and he’s awesome. Then you find actors like Common and the iconic Laurence Fishburne who is larger than life. Ian McShane couldn’t be more embracive of a character than he is with “Winston” -like from the very first film and the very first page he just got it and then he just runs with it.

I challenge anyone to go take a line of dialogue from this film and go say it to yourself and not find it sort of silly, -you know what I mean? And then when you have Laurence Fishburne deliver it and you are like “Wow” and that’s a bit challenging.

AH: What was the first day on set like for you when you had Keanu and Laurence in front of your camera?

CS: That scene was the rooftop. “The man, the myth, the legend! <line from the film>” I don’t know if you know this story but The Bowery King (Fishburnes character), was written with Fishburne in mind. I worked with him for like ten years on “The Matrix,” so we became friends and he is very influential in how I see actors and acting.

Cut to a couple years later and I am in New York prepping JW2 and Keanu just walks in cold into my office and says, “Hey I talked to Fish the other night, and he says what’s up? He loved the first movie and wants to know why isn’t he in the next movie?” I was like, “ya, ha ha.” Keanu was like “No, really. He wants to be in the film.” It was that simple and the next thing you know is that he is in the movie.

Cut to a month later when we are in the scene… up on a rooftop in Brooklyn and he’s literally giving the line “John Wick, the myth… the legend” and we take the shot up to a certain point and Laurence gets to the point of “You’re not very good at retiring” and Wick is like “I’m working on it” and the set goes quiet. Then Laurence looks over and asks, “You gonna yell cut?”

I was geeking out. I was thinking Oh my God, I am directing Neo and Morpheus! So that was my Hollywood moment when I was a little embarrassed.

In answer to your question it was pretty fucking cool. To be a huge fan and part of that process of going from stunt man, to stunt double to actually directing two iconic characters in my film.

AH: So tell me about John Wick 3?

CS: Oooom um. Good question.

AH: You got a script?

CS: I don’t know. Well, when we wrote John Wick 2 it was actually a big chunk of stuff and where we ended number two felt like a very nice stopping point. We didn’t want to stuff everything into it. I’d say we have a lot of ideas, we have an outline, and I know where I want it to go, and I know where Keanu would like it to go. So we are currently in development and that’s a fancy word for we are still thinking about it.

AH: You’ve worked with Keanu over a large span of time. You must really know him. What’s he like?

CS: I can’t tell you how great it is to work with Keanu. He’s quite the human and I don’t mean that as just an actor or an action guy who is just a great guy. He has interest in… pick a topic. He loves life, he’s interested in life, and he’s a great dude to talk too. If you ever get a chance to interview him you should, he’s just such a great guy.

AH: What ideas are you entertaining next?

CS: My biggest desire in film right now is to do a female action movie. We are just trying to find the right property for it and we are talking to several great writers about that right now.

_____________

It’s just been announced that Chad is going to be directing the reboot for “Highlander” and according to Collider.com he plans to do it over three films.

First Look – New Poster For ‘John Wick 2’

by Bigyanks

John Wick is indeed BACK!!

Lionsgate just released a new poster for John Wick: Chapter 2 in preparations for the upcoming NYCC which runs from October 6-9. The will be hosting a Q&A at the madison Square Garden Theater that will also highlight the new Power Rangers movie.

john-wick-2

Chapter 2 sees John Wick come out of retirement again, forced to face off with an international assassins guild. The film will take place in Rome where he will battle against no small number of trained killers. Returning to the film is Common, Bridget Moynahan, Ian McShane and John Leguizamo.

The bodies drop in John Wick: Chapter 2 on February 10.

Lionsgate Announces John Wick 2!

by Karson

Yeah, Keanu Reeves is back and reprising his role as the former assassin John Wick in John Wick 2. The original directors Chad Stahelski and David Leitch are set to return as well as screenwriter Derek Kolstad set to script.

Check out the official Press Release below!

LIONSGATE RELOADS “JOHN WICK 2”
Keanu Reeves, Directors David Leitch and Chad Stahelski Return
SANTA MONICA, Calif, May 4, 2015 – Lionsgate (NYSE: LGF) has confirmed plans to produce a sequel to 2014’s critically-acclaimed breakout hit “JOHN WICK,” it was announced today by Rob Friedman and Patrick Wachsberger, Co-Chairmen of the Theatrical Motion Pictures Group. Keanu Reeves along with directors David Leitch and Chad Stahelski as well as screenwriter, Derek Kolstad are set to return for the sequel. The film will be released through Lionsgate’s Summit Entertainment and will be produced by Thunder Road’s Basil Iwanyk, who produced the first film.
In the follow up to last year’s adrenaline-fueled revenge and redemption thriller, legendary hit man John Wick is back.
“With such tremendous fan and critical support for ‘John Wick,’ we knew that there was still so much more of this story to tell,” said Jason Constantine, President of Acquisitions and Co-Productions. “We are thrilled that Keanu, David and Chad have re-teamed with us and promise to bring audiences even more excitement the second time around.”
Jason Constantine and Eda Kowan at Lionsgate will oversee the project on behalf of the studio.
Lionsgate International will be selling the picture internationally at the upcoming Cannes Film Market.

Who else is excited? Let us know in the comments below!

Fantastic Fest Review Roundup Part Two – ‘Horsehead’, ‘The Hive’, & ‘John Wick’

by Brent Moore

Be sure to check out Part One here!

Fantastic Fest has rolled around once more and continues to be the most entertaining film festival on Earth. This year sees the festival back at its home base of the Alamo Drafthouse South Lamar and the adjoining Highball bar in Austin, TX. This is my 5th time attending the festival, now celebrating it’s 10th year.

Fantastic Fest is unique among film festivals because, much like its host venue, it is more a festival of personality than one of quality. There are other genre festivals, sure, but Fantastic Fest is an experience where the campy, gorey, and outright weird films oftentimes serve as a backdrop to the chaos as opposed to the end goal. Fantastic Fest films rarely stick with me for very long, but the festival remains my most anticipated every year.

This year got off to a bit of a rough start as bad weather and inexperience with the remodeled Drafthouse led to a case of overcrowding and confusion in the lobby and bar. That didn’t stop me from having a few drinks and seeing some weird bullshit though. Here’s a roundup of my festival experience so far.

hor01__large

Horsehead

This surreal French horror flick strives to follow in the footsteps of Pan’s Labyrinth with its mixture of personal drama, horrific gore, and beautiful fantasy elements. Unfortunately it falls quite a bit short and ends up being kind of a bore.

The movie follows a young women as she returns home following the death of her grandmother. She suffers nightmares and tries to overcome them by studying lucid dreaming. While at home, she falls ill and her dreams and reality start to intermingle and her dead grandmother seems to be trying to tell her something.

Horsehead has plenty of arresting imagery and is moderately successful in creating a surreal dreamlike atmosphere, but the familial mystery at the core is never that engaging and the pace is often laborious. There’s also an uncomfortable exploitative streak in the movie with plenty of unnecessary slow motion bathing scenes and taboo sexual dream imagery that never seems like its exploring anything other than mastabatory fantasy.

A horsey man fights a wolf spirit and gets stabbed with a key thingy though, so I guess it was pretty ok.

hive_pic_3__large

The Hive

The Hive is essentially a zombie apocalypse film but it takes an interesting route by adding the idea of a hivemind to the mix. Once you turn, you share the thoughts and memories of every other hive zombie. The movie takes place at a summer camp and begins with our protagonist, who has already begun to turn, waking up alone in a trashed room covered with cryptic notes. His memory has been wiped by the hive zombie virus thing so he must piece together who he is and what has happened by relying on the clues in the room and the mess of memories he has, only some of which are his own.

The Hive has a lot of really great things going for it, but it is ultimately ruined by pure adolescence. This is a teenage movie masquerading as an adult one. That’s not meant to be a dig on teen movies. Movies about the teenage experience are often written by adults who can look back and make sense of that tumultuous time in their lives with the help of the life experience they’ve gained. The Hive feels like a kid writing about how he imagines adult relationships and behaviors will be, without having any experience in the matter. It’s all heightened emotion and naivete and ignorance, but presented with a confidence that makes it all the more grating.

This is a movie where our hero bumps into a pretty girl and causes her to cut her head and be sent to the nurse. He then sprains his own ankle and has to join her. Somehow these minor injuries cause them both to be bedridden and they have an extended meet cute in the camp infirmary. Their beds are a few feet apart but they can’t move out of them because of the severity of their ouchies. Over the course of what I assume to be a few hours, they go through the entire romantic experience through a montage that in a better movie would have taken place over the course of days or weeks and wouldn’t have been built on such a weak conceit.

The movie is full of silly things like this. Love, loyalty, betrayal, maturity, and a whole cavalcade of complex emotional states are just granted to characters who in no way earned them. Every big emotional moment becomes an embarrassing display of childishness. The whole movie felt like sitting at a dinner table with your 15 year old cousin as they told you about how the world was ending because that girl or guy they liked replied to their text with a “K” instead of an “Okay!”.

This immaturity makes its way into the filmmaking as well, which is overly stylized to the point of distraction. High contrast blown out lighting, dutch angles, and rapid edits all serve to distract instead of enhance. All topped off with terrible emo song signaling the end of the film.

The Hive also has an annoying tendency to over explain everything. There is a moment of revelation towards the end of movie where our protagonist finally pieces together the puzzle and remembers what happened. This scene is played as if the information should be revelatory to the audience as well, but anyone with half a brain would have figured all that stuff out within the first half hour of the movie. There really isn’t a puzzle to figure out, and the idea of a hivemind isn’t a new concept that’s hard to grasp and needs to be overly explained. Time and time again obvious concepts that can be understood instantly and visually are then explained by a man talking to himself alone in a room for no other reason than to hold an audience’s hand, and it gets really tedious.

It’s a shame because there are some nice naturalistic performances from the main actors and the hive mind zombie idea is one that hasn’t been explored all that often. There really is a good movie here, it just came out of someone who hasn’t experienced enough life to understand how to tell it.

4guide_john_wick_copy__large

John Wick

A grieving ex-hitman has his car stolen and his dog killed by a mobsters punk son. Grieving ex-hitman kills everyone.

That’s all you need to know about John Wick, it’s as lean and mean of a revenge film as I’ve seen in some time and that is actually pretty refreshing. Keanu Reeves plays the titular Wick and does an admiral job of looking super cool while shooting a whole mess of dudes in the head. This movie has more visceral headshots than any I can recall, its kind of nuts. Reeves also gets opportunities to get uncharacteristically broad with his performance. It’s not often you get to see him raging and screaming, so savor it.

The thing that really elevates John Wick past its skeletal concept is that filmmakers Chad Stahelski and Derek Kolstad build out a really fun underworld of professional assassins. When Wick re-enters the fold in order to exact his revenge, we are introduced to a whole secret society with its own rules and language and secret bases and authorities. These aren’t lone wolf renegades. These are respected members of a highly organized civilization. It’s neat, and makes me want to see more films set in this world.

Wick also has a wonderful cast, with familiar and welcome faces continuing to pop up throughout the movie. I won’t name names because, despite there not being any major surprise celebrity cameos, there is a joy in seeing these character actors pop up unexpectedly and do their thing.

My one complaint is that the action could have used more variety. The film focuses exclusively on quick, visceral gunplay and even that can wear out its welcome. You will see Keanu shoot tons of people in the head, and by the end you’re really gonna wish you could see him do something different. Some hand to hand or a stealthy hide and seek sequence would have worked wonders.

Geekscape Movie Reviews: ‘Man of Tai Chi’

by S.J. Borger

In Keanu Reeves’ newest cinematic endeavor, Man of Tai Chi, the actor—famous for his roles in Speed, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and of course, The Matrix Trilogy—steps into his first directing role.

The movie stars Tiger Chen (House of Fury, Once in a Life) as Chen Lin-Hu (Tiger), a student of Tai Chi who finds himself caught between the traditions of the past and the demands of the present; Karen Mok (Black Mask, Around the World in 80 Days) as Suen Jing-Si, a police detective dedicated to taking down the illegal and lethal underground fighting ring run by Keanu Reeves’ character Donaka, a powerful and mysterious man who runs the rings for his own nefarious purposes.

With fight choreography by Yuen Wo Ping (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; The Matrix Trilogy) and a surfeit of action scenes, the film certainly moves, providing plenty of adrenalin-pumping fights and an enlightening view of tai chi and mixed martial arts.

Keanu Reeves and Tiger Chen star in Man of Tai Chi. Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Keanu Reeves and Tiger Chen star in Man of Tai Chi.
Courtesy of Universal Pictures

Chen is a stand out, portraying Tiger’s journey with a quiet force that is engrossing in its simplicity; Reeves’ Donaka is, in contrast, sternly one dimensional as a modern day Mephistopheles.

Reeves’ directs a solid, fast paced film with nods to the legendary films that have gone before even as the movie itself uses state-of-the-art technology to deliver dizzying, swooping insight into the fights. While the movie slows down and starts to plod into predictability in the third act that it didn’t necessarily earn in the acts prior, fans of the mixed-martial arts and the Hong Kong action movie will not be disappointed.

Man of Tai Chi was written by Michael G. Cooney and directed by Keanu Reeves, with fight choreography by Yuen Wo Ping, cinematography by Elliot Davis (Twilight, White Oleandar) and production design by Yohei Tanada (Kill Bill Vol. 1), and is currently available on VoD with a theatrical release date of  November 1st.

Score: 3/5

New Trailer For Keanu Reeves’ Directorial Debut, ‘Man Of Tai Chi’

by Derek Kraneveldt

Back in April we showed you the first trailer for Keanu Reeves’ directorial debut, Man of Tai Chi. A new (and much higher resolution) trailer has just been released, and showcases a lot more of what the film is all about, and a lot more of the fantastic martial-arts action that the movie contains.

There’s no domestic release date for the film yet, but I cannot wait to check it out. It appears as though Keanu Reeves has crafted a fantastic martial-arts epic, and I hope that the full feature can live up to this awesome preview.

Take a look at the new trailer below, and let us know what you think!

First Trailer Released For Keanu Reeves’ Directorial Debut, ‘Man Of Tai Chi’

by Derek Kraneveldt

Last week, we showed you a few images and the first poster for Keanu Reeves upcoming directorial debut, Man of Tai Chi. Today saw the first trailer for the film debut online. It’s short, sweet, and pretty low resolution, but the preview gives us a good sense of what to expect from the feature… and I expect it’ll be pretty rad.

Still no word on when we’ll be watching Man of Tai Chi in North America, but the film is expected to release later this year. Watch the trailer below, and let us know what you think!

Keanu Reeve’s Directorial Debut, ‘Man Of Tai Chi’ Gets First Poster And Images!

by Derek Kraneveldt

Did you know that Keanu Reeves was directing a movie? It’s a martial-arts film called Man of Tai Chi, and aside from who it stars, we really don’t know anything about it at this point! Reeves will play the film’s villain, while Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Tiger Hu Chen will play the hero. Karen Mok is also rumoured to play an unknown character.

Check out the first poster and some behind-the-scenes stills from Man of Tai Chi below, and let us know what you think! The movie is set to debut later this year!

uXUgy86

h0Ommmz

lHwu7qf

UTb0ojWh

Check Out A Most Excellent Teaser Poster For ‘Bill and Ted 3’! UPDATE: It’s Bogus!

by Derek Kraneveldt

Did you know that there’s a new Bill and Ted movie in the works?

It doesn’t have an official title, but a script is done, and stars are attached (including both Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves). No plot details have been revealed at this time.

The official website for the film (without much content at this time, but check it out here) has just launched, and a most excellent image headlined the site: a teaser poster for the third film!

Check it out below! Are you excited about this one? Or is it bogus that a third film is happening?

UPDATE: Bill and Ted 3 is still in the works, but sadly this poster is simply bogus. A clever redditor by the name of imdwalrus discovered that this image originated over three years ago on DeviantArt.

Sorry to crush your dreams!

Keanu Reeves Reveals Some Most Excellent Plot Details About ‘Bill & Ted 3’!

by Scott Alminiana

Greetings most excellent dudes and dudettes! Last week we reported the awesome news that Bill & Ted 3 had landed a director. I know, I’m still like whoa! It’s been 23 years since Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted ‘Theodore’ Logan took us on a most Excellent Adventure and 21 years since their Bogus Journey. Damn, that just made me feel old!

Ted “Theodore” Logan himself, Keanu Reeves recently spoke with GQ and he explained some of the plot details.

One of the plot points is that these two people have been crushed by the responsibility of having to write the greatest song ever written and to change the world. And they haven’t done it. So everybody is kind of like: “Where is the song?” The guys have just drifted off into esoterica and lost their rock. And we go on this expedition, go into the future to find out if we wrote the song, and one future “us” refuses to tell us, and another future “us” blames us for their lives because we didn’t write the song, so they’re living this terrible life. In one version we’re in jail; in another we’re at some kind of highway motel and they hate us.

Whoa! That sounds heavy, dudes. Looks like Wyld Stallyns  have their work cut out for them if they are going change the world and party on. I’m sure Wyld Stallyns will save the day and bring the sweet sweet rock n’ roll to us all.

Source: THR

Bill & Ted WILL Have Another Excellent Adventure!

by Shawn Madden

Whoa! It seems that Bill & Ted 3 has finally locked down a director, Galaxy Quest’s Dean Parisot… and its most excellent co-stars Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter are both on board. But worry not, worriers! This film will not be a remake nor will it be a reboot! We will see a sequel that explores where Ted Theodore Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esq. are at in their lives currently!

The hope is to make the film on a small budget, something along the lines of Hot Tub Time-Machine’s $50M budget. The only thing keeping the project in question is that it can’t start until Parisot finishes his other obligation and says “later dudes” to the sequel to Red.

Source: Vulture

Top 10 Worst Actors-Turned-Musicians

by Noel Nocciolo

When I first heard Scarlett Johansson’s debut album, “Anywhere I Lay My Head”, it got me thinking about how many other actors there were out there who made records. Well, there were a lot. So, I trudged through quite a few to compile this list for you. These are the worst of the worst. The repeat offenders. These songs make you wonder what the hell is going on in the recording industry, and then realize that it’s full of a lot of people who take themselves, and their singing abilities, far too seriously. Feel free to thank me later. (Seriously, this was a painful undertaking – let’s talk musical bullets…)

#10. Milla Jovovich – She lands in spot #10 on this list because her voice isn’t terrible. In fact, at some notes it can be almost pretty. However her music for the most part is an almost comical Ukranian pop. Now, I certainly understand this given her roots; but it doesn’t make for compelling music outside of her home country. Another aspect of her musical talents that is almost comical is the music video for her lone single “Gentlemen Who Fell”. The expression she makes at some points in the video made me laugh like a mad woman…her eyes almost bulge from her face, Total Recall style. And what’s with the grim reaper character? Milla is a beautiful, talented woman…she’s just not a musician.

 

 

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eSCFAxxCO7Q 

#9. Russell Crowe – Yes, Russell Crowe is in a band, well was…errr….is? The actor’s most recent band is The Ordinary Fear of God; however back in the 90’s he was the front-man for 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. However sultry and smooth Crowe’s voice may be on screen, it doesn’t translate that well to music. He isn’t able to hit a lot of notes, and the ones he does hit he can’t actually hold for any length of time. It’s a good thing that almost nobody heard his music, otherwise it might have tainted his career!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lIwKkF50tMc&feature=related


#8. Bruce Willis – Willis released three albums during his career, the first two were in the 80’s and the latest, “Classic Bruce Willis” in 2001. For some reason, as bad as his albums were, I feel inclined to not give Willis too much hell about it. Here’s why:

He seems like a pretty stand up guy in personal matters of his life. Let’s take for example his divorce from Demi Moore. The pair never fought in public and have acted like adults and friends throughout the entire ordeal. Also, Willis’ career is the stuff that dreams are made of. And finally, he’s managed to stay alive and important in Hollywood since 1980…that is a very remarkable feat to accomplish in an extremely fickle business. Now, don’t get me wrong, the man is not a singer (please, please never buy his music) and his albums are absolutely terrible – but he didn’t sell himself out as much as let’s say… Hasselhoff.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=C8mL_QM6jEU&feature=related

#7. Jennifer Love Hewitt – She broke out into the music scene around the same time that she started garnering moderate successes within her acting career…and her music is bad enough to be on this list. For some reason she made it big in Asia, so record companies let her continue to put out music; needless to say, she didn’t have too much commercial success in the US. She is talented enough to help write her own music, but it’s so damn syrupy-sweet and sugar-coated that it makes you want to gag and leaves you grasping for water. Her voice rubs me the same way. I feel as though I could get diabetes from listening to more than one song. I know a lot of people with diabetes and I don’t want to get that from a song.

And she, like the other women on this list, runs the risk of appearing to be selling not only her vocals, but her body as well. Alas, little Jenn Love’s musical pitfalls haven’t hurt her career in the least; as she continues to grace the covers of men’s magazines flaunted as a sex-symbol and has managed to stay afloat with an acting career that, while not Oscar worthy, is quite consistent.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IiNRBijQ2XU

#6. Jennifer Lopez – It is a fact that JLo can dance and sometimes she can even act; but what she cannot do is sing. The diva’s songs fall terribly short when she doesn’t have someone like Nas or P. Diddy to help her through and it seems as though she can only hit one note. Thanks to a large budget and friends in good places, her beats aren’t too awful, but the writing is ridiculous:

“I stay grounded as the amounts roll in…I’m down to Earth like this…”

I somehow think most of America might disagree. She sings these lines while wearing nothing but high heels, red lipstick and a fur coat. Her songs constantly speak of how she came from humble beginnings to finally make it big in the business, but let’s all be serious…she hasn’t been “Jenny From The Block” in a long long time, so who exactly is she trying to convince? Her music videos beg one question- what exactly is she trying to put on the market? I get the feeling that it’s not her vocal stylings….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iyZr0xBUR_E

#5. Keanu Reeves – Given that the actor has only one look (and it’s nowhere near as good as Blue Steel) what could we really ever expect from his band? Dogstar released their first album in 1996, shortly after Reeves’ film success with Speed. The band was never really commercially successful and it’s really no surprise at all. They tried to play on the grunge/ alternative rock movement that was making waves in the 90’s…but with some odd cover songs plucked from previous decades. The vocalist cannot sing…he sounds as though he is in pain when trying to do so, and the songs are boring and bland. I realize that even movie stars need to have hobbies, but why do we have to be subjected to them?

Link: No one should have to look at (or listen to) Keanu any more than necessary.

#4. Scarlett Johansson – You would think that it would be enough for one person to be both Woody Allen’s “muse” and one of the most beautiful women on the planet…not for Scarlett Johansson; she had to record an album too! I really wanted to like her record, and I swear I tried to do so, but it just wasn’t going to happen. So not only did Scarlett give herself the difficult task of recording said album, she decided that the material was going to be solely Tom Waits cover songs. This is really where she went wrong. Her voice, though smoky and sexy on screen, isn’t nearly complex enough on this album…instead it falls abruptly flat. She never came close to rekindling the fire that Waits had, even though it sounds like she really tried to. The whole thing sounds like something anyone could whip up with Garage Band – this album does not sound like a major label debut.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_27vvvStXI

#3. Steven Seagal – Ok, really. How the hell did Seagal get a record contract? Who is seeing his movies and listening to his music? I don’t get it. Where does someone get the idea that Seagal should even record an album in the first place? The “singer”, and I use that term very loosely here, struggles heavily through the vocals on both records released: “Mojo Priest” and “Songs From The Crystal Cave”- album titles that sound more like awful movies that he starred in. Seagal is heavily backed with decent musicians, so if you do decide to listen to his music, please don’t confuse the two. The worst part about the whole endeavor is that he seems to take himself seriously…trying to play guitar and sing…which seems to just be too big a feat for him to tackle – and this time he doesn’t have his stunt double.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7Qw5bKTBQE4

#2. Joe Pesci – Ok, Who didn’t love “My Cousin Vinny”? Really…classic movie. However, it seems that Joe Pesci just couldn’t let it go. About six years after “Vinny” premiered, Pesci recorded one of the worst albums ever, “Vincent Laguardia Gambini Sings Just For You”, a stereotypical and cliche homage to his character in the film. For some inane reason every song on the disc is explicit (Did they really think cursing would add something to this record?). It’s hard not to laugh as Pesci basically talks his way through the entirety, spouting nonsense such as

“I’m a wiseguy…

[insert Mr. Rogers theme song melody]

lovely day in the neighborhood

lovely day in the neighborhood

for a drive by”.

Not only can Pesci not sing…nor does he really even attempt to, but I sincerely hope that whoever wrote the lyrics for this record has never worked since. This album has no redeeming qualities and it makes you sit back and wonder how hard it really is to get a record deal with Sony.

Shortened-edited version of a song…this is really all anyone should ever have to sit through. It’s so bad, you have to watch it…maybe that’s its appeal…hmmm….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=TTKGO20nxNs

#1. David Hasselhoff- Yes, Germans know beer and yes, they know cars…but what they don’t have a clue about is music – apparently. Enter David Hasselhoff – huge in Germany, ridiculed in every other western country. This guy has recorded more albums that I originally thought, and I knew he had at least a few under his belt. Hasselhoff was clearly not meant to be a singer. He shifts between a pseudo sexy whisper and a wailing cry more than KITT shifted gears. He’s mostly off key and sounds like he is taking his singing as seriously as he did his character on Baywatch. His songs all sound like they were recorded on an old Casio keyboard with crappy 90’s sound effects strewn throughout for good measure. Even more cheesy, however, are his music videos…check out “Hooked on a Feeling” for a strong belly laugh (it totally makes you understand his desire to drink). The only time I want to be watching David is when he is on his floor eating burgers and breaking promises 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8

There are a few actors who sing and don’t actually suck. Yes, there are exceptions to the general rule. Here are some honorable mentions:

Will Smith – I don’t think he deserves a Grammy or anything, but he can sing and his songs have good rhythm. He’s very pop meets safe hip-hop, but he still deserves the airplay he got. Unarguably, Smith is a better actor than musician, but the man seems to be able to do anything with at least some charisma.

She + Him- Zoey Deschanel’s indie rock project is actually good. Everyone who saw Elf knows the girl can sing, but this album proves she’s got a little more soul than other cookie cutter groups.

30 Seconds to Mars – I think I would have less of a problem with this band if Jared Leto had less of an ego – we can wish can’t we? But, in all honesty, their songs are decent and commercially viable. And it doesn’t hurt that Leto isn’t exactly ugly. They certainly don’t deserve to be on the other part of this list…yet.