As someone with an affinity towards most any cinematic or televised piece that plays with dogma or any sort of higher power going beyond basic humanity, it should come as no surprise that I find sanctuary – no pun initially intended – in pieces like that of Constantine, Saved!, Red State, Reaper, The Good Place, Lucifer, and Dogma.

So finding out there will be a sequel to Constantine had this satire* fiend squeeing! And despite knowing the original movie was most assuredly not a box office-crashing hit, I am more than ready to see everyone’s favorite “breathtaking” star perhaps rejoined by a certain hole-digging former Disney star. Seeing this duo reunited onscreen would resurrect my faith in most sequels – with the exceptions of a certain Armitage led fantasy film and another starring Whoopi Goldberg as everyone’s favorite pseudo-nun. Let’s be real – the latter mentioned is truly a gem and the casts of both contain some of the most legendary actors of our time.

And not to go all sunshine and daisies about all this hellfire and brimstone, but I am truly looking forward to whatever is to come regarding this work. Unfortunately, we cannot count our demonic chickens just yet, according to Screen Rant, Constantine 2 “has yet to be officially green-lit.” So just like with the pandemic, I suppose all we have left to do really is wait.

*I acknowledge not all pieces mentioned are satire.

Adam has gone to Pittsburg to audition for some weird late night snuff show, but while he was gone Matt and Scott watched Videodrome. Joining us this week is Alison who not only picked the film but is also Canadian so perhaps she can explain to us why Canadian horror movies are so fucking weird.

Either way, LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH!

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Even the most casual internet user is aware of the Ice Bucket Challenge to raise awareness for ALS. Its been a huge phenomenon that has been blowing up our YouTubes, our Instagrams and our Facebooks. Even our fearless leader accepted his challenge!

Well our friends over at Mega64 have excepted their challenge with their normal…flair.

If you or your friends would like to donate to ALS research, head on over to the ALS Associations Donate Page.

 

In this month’s Vampirella vs. Fluffy the Vampire Killer, writer Mark Rahner continues his series of Vampirella one-shots, taking Vampi into the worlds of current vampire fandoms. Previously, in Vampirella Annual 2, we witnessed Vampirella venture to the fictional city of Spoons, where she went to a convention for Gloaming, the in-universe equivalent of Twilight, and battled the fans and characters of the franchise (based, in part, by Rahner’s own experience in Forks, WA). This time , Vampirella is pitted against a satirical version of the much beloved pop-culture alluding, cheer leading, vampire slaying Buffy Summers. And. It. Is. Awesome.

Granted, my lack of love for Joss Whedon is well documented, so it may be hard for me to not actively fangasm all over this particular book for poking fun at the Buffyverse. That said, I do believe any Whedonite who can take a light jab at his or her fandom will thoroughly enjoy this book as much as anyone who isn’t all that familiar with the Slayer and her universe. Which is to say: a lot. It truly is a book for just about anyone, except maybe children (there’s a sufficient amount of blood and gore) and die hard religious conservatives (but they don’t read comics, right?).

Here’s the gist of the story: Vampirella goes undercover as a teacher (cue: multiple jokes and references to Van Halen’s Hot for Teacher) at a high school that is located right on top of an occult portal to Hell (insert: snide comments about government and improper use of tax dollars). Luckily for the town, peppy Fluffy and her friends Xtanley and Sallow, along with her Minder Miles, all attend or are employed by the school and therefore have been able to handle the supernatural situation up to this point. However, a new group of demonic (im)Puritans are mutilating the sexually active members of the student body in order to unleash the wrath of a greater demon, who gets his power from sexual repression, onto the world. And as “Abstinence Education Week” is in full swing at the school, there’s a lot of pent up sexual frustration going on. Whatever shall the teen-aged vampire killers do?

In addition to Fluffy and company, Whedonites may even be able to spy their beloved creator hidden somewhere in the story, as well.

The dialogue is plenty clever, even with—or perhaps because of—the forced puns and dated music and film references. I found myself genuinely laughing and giddy throughout. Even so, my favorite line is actually an on-the-nose statement about feminism, particularly reactionary to Whedon’s brand of female hero.:

After countless jabs from Fluffy regarding Vampirella’s scanty costume, Vampi finally states, “Empowerment means I can wear whatever I want and kill anyone who has a problem with it.”

While killing isn’t exactly an option in the real world, the sentiment is understood. Clothes, or lack thereof, should not be the focus or the excuse of any attacks on a person (from slut shaming to “forcible” rape). But that’s a different article entirely.

Like all satire worth its salt—and any decent horror story—, Vampirella Vs. Fluffy the Vampire Killer is more than just wildly entertaining. It addresses serious real world problems, as well. While playfully jabbing at the Whedonverse, critical hits are dealt to the United States’ ultra-conservative movement’s war on education and sex via the “Abstinence Week” setting, the demons’ M.O., and even a line of dialogue from Sallow that is poignant and painful in retrospect. It’s too much of a spoiler to disclose here, so pick up the book. Seriously. I’d love to discuss the themes further.

Finally, the art. While Nick Bradshaw‘s cover serves its purpose, interior artist Cesar Razek (Zorro) is pitch perfect, rendering gorgeous, in addition to some truly gruesome, images. While Vampirella, Fluffy, et al, are of course comic book beautiful (as are the men in the story), his style here is decidedly not cheesecake, which is always a relief. I love my female heroes and I will defend to the death (in true Voltaire fashion) their honor and right to style to any non-comic reader or slut shaming jerk, no matter the artist or the writer. Nevertheless, it certainly makes my job easier when I don’t have to do so in view of 20 consecutive panels of pure T&A and back breaking poses. So thank you, Mr. Razek for that. I hope to see your art again in the near future.

If you are looking for something fun and bloody, clever and violent, all the while remaining culturally relevant, then Vampirella vs. Fluffy the Vampire Killer is most certainly the book for you this Hallowednesday (see what I did there?).

Vampirella vs. Fluffy the Vampire Killer is out Oct. 24 from Dynamite Entertainment. Look for it at your local comic book shop!