Where’re you originally from?
So, uh, that’s a loaded question. It’s a long answer but I’ll give you the Cliff’s notes. I was born in Toledo, Ohio. I was raised in Asheville, North Carolina. [I moved] back to Toledo, Ohio when I was fifteen. I went to college in Michigan and then went to graduate school in New York.

So were you [growing up] a majority in North Carolina or Ohio?
I now live in New Jersey and other than New Jersey, I have lived in – all the other places I have lived in equally… Five years in Ohio. Ten years in North Carolina. Five years in Ohio again – and then ten years in New York.

Used with permission from Andrew Dunn

That makes my next question a little complicated then. It makes it a two-parter, I guess. How would you describe your hometown?
So, if I had to choose – if someone said, “Give me one place you’re from.” It would be Asheville, North Carolina. So, for me, Asheville, North Carolina – I describe it as the most progressive liberal place I’ve ever lived, including New York City. [It’s] the kind of place where a guy in like a ripped tie-dye shirt with dreadlocks that’re six feet long will ride up to you in his cut-off jean shorts on a unicycle while juggling torches. And if you go to hand him a dollar, he’ll say, “Oh, no thanks. I don’t do this for money. I just do this.” And then [he’ll] cycle away.

When did you or your parents decide – or both – to have you enroll in the [former] Performing Arts School of Metropolitan Toledo (PASMT)?
I had always had success… I guess in public schools which is where I got started in like elementary school, I did really badly but like I tested really well. But like I could never do my homework… My grades in classes were really bad. I hated going – and then we found out about this charter school in North Carolina still. It was a middle school that like my favorite teachers from the public schools all got together and started their own school. And then so my mom was like, “You like all of those teachers. Why don’t we try that place?” And I flourished there. It was great! It was personalized and it was totally dedicated to the individual. Instead of doing tests or pop quizzes, I did projects where I got up and spoke to the class. And that was a huge eye-opener for me – that like I could talk about anything, but writing it down was always a real struggle. That was at Francine Delany’s New School For Children. I don’t why all the charter schools have these ridiculously long names. That was in Asheville and then we moved back to Ohio. …I was born there. My grandparents were there.  My mom was like, “Well, they’re getting older. We should go back to be close to them just in case anything happens.” …That was in 2002 and my Mom was like, “Well, you kind of like performing arts and the only charter school really in the area is a performing arts school. So why don’t we check to see what that’s like?”
So I auditioned for that and I got in. I never did well in public school, so I got into a charter school – and just went with that one.

Used with permission from Andrew Dunn

How would you describe your time at PASMT?
Man, uh, whimsical and… I definitely grew a lot there but I don’t know how much of it was because of proactivity on the part of surroundings or how much of it was like me picking up the pieces that were left behind by the people who were supposed to be helping grow and helping me expand my horizons. A lot of the time it felt like I was sort of trying to like teach the teachers, teach the students, or help people here and there where like the school was sort of missing the mark. But they also had their own stuff going on. There were all sorts of internal problems and struggles that they had to deal with as well. I got there kind of late.

…I started there three or four years before the school closed down – so like they were already on their way – having weird problems and trying to bring in teachers to help fix things. So, like a lot of the stuff – I’ve actually talked about this with my [former] classmates from there. I feel like I sort of didn’t get to see the school that most of the students [from] there remember it as because my first year was my Sophomore year in 2002 and we were in the main school that most people remember [off of Reynolds Rd]. And then the second year, I felt a little more comfortable my Junior year. And then my Senior year, we were in a mall – then this office building downtown [Toledo]. So I was like…I don’t know. Is this normal for this place or what? And thankfully, by one year, I managed to get my diploma from there and head out to college right after that. I don’t know how I would describe it other than that. …I didn’t take a single acting class at PASMT. I didn’t take a single one. I took like twenty music classes and three or four dance classes. I didn’t know I wanted to do performing arts for a while after I started there, but I remember I didn’t go to the first audition that they had [for a show], when I started. One of the directors – I don’t remember who it was…I think it must’ve been Miss Stroud came up to me and was like, “Hey. We noticed you didn’t audition. But also you’re a boy, so we really need you to be in this show.”
And I was like, “Well, sorry, I don’t wanna break the rules.”
They were like, “Why don’t we pretend you auditioned and you can just come to callbacks.” And so I was like, “All right. Fine.”
And then I got up there and just said words. I didn’t know what acting was.  I was just saying the things they told me to say. Through that way I got to know the acting teachers. And by that route, I was like – I’m fine with saying this on the record… This is gonna sound somewhat mean, but I remember thinking, “I don’t wanna learn from these people.”

I remember there was one of the shows I was in. One of the directors – like I did something. My character died – was stabbed. I had to die and it was in a comedy, so I did it a funny way and there was a long pause and the director went [and heaved a disappointed sigh]. And I was like, “Oh, was that not okay?”
And he was like, “No, it’s fine.” And that’s how I knew I needed to change what I was doing. So, I was like, “Oh, I don’t wanna learn theatre from these people.” The music teachers were always well-versed in their craft, so I was okay I wanna learn all of this. And the dance teachers were really good at what they were doing. But I felt like a lot of the acting stuff, I was like, “Nah. I’m not gonna learn this here and I didn’t.”

Used with permission from (c) Emily Hewitt Photography

When did you decide to audition for the Actors Studio then? What was that like?
The Actors Studio was graduate school, so right out of high school, I got into a private school called Siena Heights University and this is actually a funny story. My senior year of that, I started applying everywhere. I went to [the] URTAs… A bunch a graduate school recruiters meet in one building and then you audition for like fifty people – but before you get to them, you’ve to audition for a room of two people at a desk. And so if you’re not good enough to get past those two people at the desk, you don’t see the rest of the people. And I wasn’t good enough to get past those two people at the desk. And that left me super jaded, but I was like that’s okay, I’ve got like five or six backups. I had DePaul University where – when I auditioned for them, they did a thing where all the people auditioning had to stand in a circle…We passed an orange around. When the orange made its way to you, you had to do a physical action of your choice and a vocal thing of your choice. So, people get the orange and they go, “Whoooooo!”
And then it goes to the next person. They go, “Bwuh-buh-buh-buh-buh.”
And right before it gets to me [the orange], the person who’s leading this [activity] stops it and says, “Listen! If you guys aren’t gonna take this seriously, I’m gonna ask you all to leave.”
And…I hadn’t done it yet, but I didn’t see anything uncalled for. They looked like they were doing exactly what was asked of them. Then they were like, “All right. Let’s try this again!” Then it was my turn and I was like I don’t know what they wanna see that’s different. So I just did the thing I was gonna do anyway. I was also like, “Is this the acting I wanna learn? Is this acting?”

Then I didn’t get accepted there. There were two other places I applied to for graduate school. They were all big names – like NYU, Columbia, stuff like that – but my one backup was Illinois State University and I didn’t get accepted there either. So, here I was in the “Middle of Nowhere, Michigan” in a corn field – Adrian, Michigan – where Siena Heights University is. It’s a great school. It’s just in the middle of nowhere. And I was like, “Well, I’d done some carpentry in the theatre department there. There’s a lumberyard in town. Maybe I’ll try to get a job there. My girlfriend at the time was trying to get me to apply to Taco Bell. I was like, “Oh, man. I’m goin’ nowhere. This sucks.”

And then a friend of mine [said to me], “Hey, I’m auditioning for this school at – at the drama school at Pace University. They don’t do monologues. They only do scenes. So I need a scene partner. Would you be willing to help me with that?”
And I was like, “Oh, yeah. I’ll help you with that. Sure!” So, we start doing it and he convinces me to put in an application as well. And I’m like, “Yeah. Why not?” I’m already doing the work – right?” I might as well just sign my name and send in a letter. So we do that. We send in our tape. We do a scene from Glengarry Glen Ross. And… I got an acceptance letter and he did not…There’s a sequel. He got in next year.

What is one of your ultimate dreams?
It’s weird because I have so many different paths that I have already started on – that I’m walking on simultaneously and parallel… Set design, acting, audio editing, video editing, and podcast-making. Each of those probably have their own dreams. But the earliest one I remember being like, “Oh, man. I wanna do that!” …One of the first shows I got to see on Broadway after I moved to New York by Jez Butterworth called Jerusalem and it starred Mark Rylance in the lead role. I remember watching that…I watched it with the person I was dating and her aunt I think got us the tickets. She was nice and all like, “I’m visiting New York. Let’s all go to a show together!”

And one of my professors at school was like, “You guys need to see this if you can” and we went to see it. …All three of us went to see it and afterwards, my girlfriend’s aunt was like, “Man. What a bad show!” And we had to be like, “Yeah…Wow. Whatever.” And then afterwards – after she left, my girlfriend and I were like, “Yo, but that was a really good show, right?” And we were like, “Yeah. It was incredible! It’s still the best show I’ve ever seen at –  I think anywhere.” …When that comes back around, because the main character is probably in his forties. …I remember thinking when that comes back around to Broadway for a revival, I have to get in the audition room for that. …That’s a dream role for me. That’s one I’d really like to play.

Used with permission from Andrew Dunn

What is your Hogwarts house and why?
Gryffindor. Courageousness, veracity, loyalty*. …That’s what’s buried deep in my heart… Harry Potter is barely on my geek radar, but I do know that all the cool characters are Gryffindor in the movies.

*Loyalty is actually a main attribute for house, Hufflepuff.

What are some geeky hobbies you partake in?
…Comic books. I read a lot of comic books. I watch a lot of movies. When I was very young – probably nine or ten years old – even before that, when I was three and I don’t remember doing this, but my mom told me that she would put on the movie, Lawrence of Arabia for me. …It’s a boring desert movie that a child should have no interest in, but she would pop that in for me when I would get very cranky and it would shut me up. I would love it. I would sing with the orchestra music. Like the very first thing that happens in the film is that the sun comes up and there’s this huge crescendo with the orchestra and I would sing a long with it. Movies from that very moment went on to be incredibly integral in my life.
When I was ten, I think – I was a mature kid and my mom decided, “I think we’re gonna try leaving you at home” – well not leaving me at home, but after school I’d have to go to a daycare or something. And at ten years old, [she said something like] we’re gonna try you riding the bus home on your own with the keys for the house. Then my mom didn’t get off work until six. And she was like, “We’ll see how that goes.”
She had a bookshelf that was filled with VHS tapes – probably a hundred VHS tapes. And every single day, I would come home, I’d get off the bus, and the first time it happened, I started on the top shelf all the way to the left, I picked that one – popped it in and watched it. The next day, I went to the next one over to the right. [The] next days it was the third one, the fourth one, then the fifth one… Until I made my way through all of the movies within probably six months – and that included some that would stay with me for the rest of my life like Close Encounters of a Third Kind, the Robin Williams movie – Good Morning, Vietnam, Young Frankenstein, New Jack City was a weird choice to have on there, but just tons and tons…January Man, A Fish Called Wanda…Really good classics…All the Star Wars [films]… The original trilogy of Star Wars is like a huge huge part in my life. …Basically anything that is nerdy or geeky about me probably comes from that very moment of when I started watching those VHS tapes…

When did you first realize you were a geek or rather realized you liked the previously mentioned things?
Probably high school. I remember at PAS[MT] – I don’t remember what they called it. …Spirit week? Where every day you dress a certain way or something… I remember one of them was Heritage Day and I was like well, I am just such a mix of so many things…I was like I could probably choose Irish as a safe bet…But do I wanna dress as a leprechaun? How do you dress [Irish], ya know?…
I remember being like, “Oh, I am definitely going dressed as geek.” People kind of just like disagreed with me. Other students were like, “Ya know – that’s not your real heritage.” And I was like, “Yeah. No kidding.”
But I would also say back, “No, no. It’s true. I come from a long line of nerds.” Which was also true. It’s not based on nationality or the color of my skin but like there was something that resonated with me.

There was also a turning point where I was like probably around fourteen years old I started realizing, “Oh, it’s odd that I know all these things.”  I would make all these movie references and… people would just sort of smile and nod. And it wasn’t until high school where I was like, “Oh, no. I’m the only one who’s seen any of these. Like no one here has seen Star Wars.” I still come into that. I work for a licensing company. One of our biggest licenses is Star Wars and the head of my department has never seen a Star Wars movie. So like it’s stuff like that… It never occurred to me that no one else had seen films or read a lot of the books that I had read…Or played video games I’d played – and TV shows as well. I probably as a kid watched eight hours a day of television – for ten years, probably. I’d watch two hours in the morning while getting ready and then like six hours between four o’clock when I got home and ten o’clock when I went to bed. I just straight up watched television while I ate dinner.
So right around fourteen [or] fifteen, I realized that I was different but I didn’t quite know that there was a category that had been pre-determined that I fit nicely into until about fifteen or sixteen.

Used with permission from Andrew Dunn

If you could take the place of any fictional character from any book, show, comic, musical, anything – who would you choose? And why?
Aw, man. This is such a hard question.
…Probably, Iron Man – Tony Stark…Before I got into comics I watched a lot of the comic book-based cartoons shows when I was a kid. I watched Spiderman every day. Batman – the animated series, Fantastic Four, X-Men was a big one… That was something like – even now, other people I know who were raised similarly and love comics and stuff. They’re like, “The X-Men cartoon is the best! Batman the animated series – it’s so good!” But to this day, I don’t think I’ve ever met a single person who remembers the IronMan cartoon and that was my favorite one.
So even when they announced that Robert Downey Jr. was going to be playing Tony Stark, I was like – oh, man. They just put the last nail in the coffin for this. They got this guy who’s like a drug addict, alcoholic, in and out of jail… He’s gonna be playing my favorite hero? It’s never gonna work. It’s never gonna take off. No one’s gonna like this. And of course, I was incredibly wrong. I saw the movie like four times in theatres and am a huge fan.  But there’s something about not only being able to…The term for having cash that is disposable is liquid and there’s something very fluid about being able to fix…There are only certain problems that punching can fix. There are only certain problems that magic can fix if you’re Doctor Strange. But like money can fix just about any problem because it can be used to create solutions. So I feel in that way Bruce Wayne fits in that as well, but I don’t want to be an orphan for the first fifteen years of my life, so I think Tony Stark is probably the way to go.

Who is someone you look up to and why?
Feel free to name two or three.

The most obvious one was my mom. She passed away – it’ll be seven years ago. But I have spent my entire life trying to be as trusting and gracious as her. I think she was also…
Speaking of nerdiness, she was definitely like an undercover nerd. She’d read a book in two days. She’d a library of Stephen King novels. One of our rooms, which eventually became our computer room once we got a computer – before that, it was a Stephen King library. Because I ended up loving Stephen King – probably a good reason [rather] a main reason that I started getting into horror films as well. We would watch all of Stephen King’s movies. She’d all the Stephen King movies, so I’m sure they were on that shelf when I was going through them. And I remember one time…I remember when I was very young and it was raining out. I looked out the window and there was what I thought was a man with long blond hair standing out in the road [in] pouring down rain screaming. And I was like, “Mom, there’s like this crazy guy outside and he’s screaming or whatever.”
And she was like, “What?”
And she took a look outside and said, “That’s a woman.”
And without hesitation, she walked outside and I was like, “What are you doing?” She walked straight up to the person…
To this day, I don’t know what she said to her. But she was talking to her [for a while]. Eventually she put her arm around the woman’s shoulder and brought her into our home and sat with her while she called social services. She made her dinner. She called social services, helped get her a place to stay…It turned out that her boyfriend or husband or someone had kicked her out. She couldn’t get in. He’d changed the locks. She’d nowhere to go. She was just a person. I know people with mental illness are just people but she wasn’t a threat in any way.
I mean we can get into the politics… And that kind of thing that’s been happening with the police in America. People with mental illness have the feeling of uncertainty and a lack of safety around them…And [it] has led to a lot of problems. My mom ended up being on the Board of Mental Health in Toledo by the time I was in high school. She started as a secretary.

One day her boss came in and said, “Oh shoot! I forgot! I have to give that grant for graduate school. Hey – do you want a free ride to go get your master’s degree.” She was like, “What?”
And he was like, “I forgot I have to  – by today  – give someone it to get their master’s degree. Otherwise I’ll lose this tax break. Do you wanna go to school and get your master’s degree for free?”
And she was like, “In what?”
And he was like, “Social work.” And she said, “Sure.”
And so she got her Master’s in Social Work because her boss had to give a grant to someone and she happened to be sitting there. So, she was a social worker for a year. She worked in a methadone clinic – helping drug addicts with eventually making her way to the Board of Mental Health for Toledo, Ohio and basically lived her entire life helping people. And she was always the person [where] when I had a hard to decision to make or even an easy decision to make that involved me having to go out of my comfort zone or to decide whether to put myself or someone else first, I [would and still] will usually ask myself what I think my mom would do in that situation.

What are some current projects and/or goals you’re working on?
I was up until eight this morning editing this podcast that I co-host and then I go to work full-time starting at nine, so I managed to climb into bed as my fiancé was waking up. I crashed for an hour. So I currently have a podcast that I co-host, produce, and I edit called The Media Lunchbreak. It’s a comics meets movies podcast that co-host with my friend, Chris Triebil…We worked together for a very short amount of time. And every day on our lunchbreak, we would go to the same place together and just talk about comics, movies, and stuff. And we were just like, “We should record this and put it up.” Now we have kind of like a following, which is great. We’re making some money off of it. It’s now paying more than it costs which was a huge milestone for us.
I also work with Infinite Variety Productions. We just did an immersive show ­– right before the pandemic about the life of Nellie Blithe, which actually you’re involved with. And now we are now working on a radio play – which actually, I might get back in touch with you about because we’ve a lot of characters as well in that one. And that is based on true stories of five women who served in the Vietnam war. You couldn’t be a soldier but they were nurses, donut dollies, [and] one was in administration…It’s sort of their true story about the things that happened to them then and how it later affected them in their lives.
I’m also working on something a friend of mine in college put up. She just made something called, The Drama Debrief. Everyone should check that out because it’s great resource for theatre nerds. She was like, “Hey, this pandemic is making it so that theatre students don’t really have a lot of resources that they need.” And so she was just like, “I’m gonna consolidate all of these things into a newsletter. My co-host for the podcast, Chris is creating content for that. I’m gonna be teaching a series in stage combat, a series in theatre vocabulary, and my fiancé who is a video editor – she and I are going to both make a series on how to shoot and edit a self-tape for in quarantine. And last but not least…I helped put a new show up called, Lady Capulet. So it’s about Juliet’s mother from Romeo & Juliet. And it’s sort of a prequel for her and how she got to the place where she is. It looks at the feud between the Montagues and the Capulets. I played Capulet – the man who becomes her husband. We are now trying to slowly – the goal was to  put it up on off-Broadway by now, which would be my first off-Broadway credit – which would be incredible. But now because of the pandemic, it looks like we’re slowly starting to rack up some steam and hopefully once everything reopens, we can do it then. Until then, we’re doing Zoom readings…I’m also doing sound editing for a short film but that’s on the back-burner right now. That’s a personal project.  

Was there a time you had to pick yourself back up whilst dream-chasing? What happened?
After a while of really hitting auditions…I was auditioning for a Broadway show every day – every other day – sometimes multiple times a day…I was doing voiceover stuff. My very first paid acting job was [doing a voiceover for] a commercial for a cologne and I had to go in…It took thirty minutes. I went in wearing jean shorts and a tank top. [I] hadn’t showered. I said the same six words over and over again for thirty minutes and then I left. They gave me a check for two thousand dollars and it blew my mind. But after the novelty of that wore off and the more I did that, the more I started feeling like – okay, I’m three hundred thousand dollars in debt because I’ve learned how to craft a character and show honest emotion in the portrayal of a story…The development of a character. What I’m doing now is saying, “Buy this cologne.” So, I stopped doing that and started really hitting the ground for acting. I got an acting job that was directed by a friend of mine. We never sold out. We maybe maxed out at half capacity of the house. And the last performance, not a single person showed up…
We tried to cover up [our disappointment]. We were all making jokes about it like, “Haha, it’s fine!” But we were all pretty down about it. We went to a bar instead and just like got trashed. After that, I was like, “Yeah…I’m probably not acting for a little while.”
I kind of gave up acting. I decided to get a full-time job. And I was like, “If I ever really get that itch, I can always quit that full-time job and go back to it.” I was really struggling before I quit. I was struggling to make it work…I was getting up ridiculously early to hit all of these auditions, trying to see if anyone needed anything, and constantly trying to make those connections. And [I was] burning out doing this.
Then after I got a full-time job, after I told people they couldn’t have me, people started coming to me, being like, “Whatever your schedule is, I’ll make it work…We’ll pay you whatever.” That happened from like five or six different companies. So, that was wild and kind of an insane lesson to learn. I guess it’s like relationships, when you come on too strong and are like, “Come on! Take me! Why won’t anyone take me?” People are gonna be like, “Okay, chill out, buddy.” Ya know? That’s not a way to get someone to care about you or find interest in you. The trick is to just care about yourself, keep yourself open to stuff, and then it’ll come to you. It’s the same with parts and these projects. And I slowly but surely started being like, “Okay, fine – if you really need someone. I’ll try to make it work.” Then I just kept saying yes to everything while I was working forty hours a week. And now I’m at a place where I feel like I have sleep-deprivation down to a science. I can use it to my advantage. I can be like – okay, I’m forgetting my keys and they’re in my hand. Okay, so I know I can stay up for another eight to ten hours. And that’s when it will start to look like the walls are moving. And that’s when I need to pass out…  

What is your dream project to work on?
That’s the thing. I have so many parallel pathways. Because I do music too. Is my dream project to tour in a band? Is to have my podcast be successful?…
I remember – this will be a pretentious name drop but I remember when George Clooney came to our master class at my school. I remember one of the students asked him…Because he said he struggled a lot when he started out before he got his role on ER… And they asked him, “How do you keep going? If you’re not getting work, how do you continue to do art and get better?”
And he said, “Oh, just make your own projects.”
So my dream project [is] I do whatever I want. It’s hard for me to be like, ah man, I wish I could do this one thing because usually if it’s something I wanna do – usually I just think, “How can I do that?” And obviously there are some things that are out of your control like…I’m probably not going to be Elder Price on Broadway in Book of Mormon anytime soon. And that’s not something I would ever really want anyways. There are things outside of your control but there’s nothing to say you couldn’t do a different version of that show or a parody, if that was your dream and you didn’t fit that role. I try to find ways to bring my dream projects to me as much as possible.

What is one of your favorite inspiring quotes?
“I seek refuge in the Buddha. I seek refuge in the Dharma. I seek refuge in the Sangha.”

Buddha translates to “enlightened one.” Dharma translates to “text.” And Sangha translates to “community.” So to me it’s always been a great mantra to use in theatre if I ever feel nervous because the Buddha…is your director. They’ve a full understanding of what this project is supposed to look like. The Dharma is the text. You trust the playwright. All you have to do is go out and say the things the playwright wrote for you to say. It’s all there. All you have to do is say it. And you can trust that that text will act as a conduit for you to ride out on the wave that you need. And the Sangha is the community. In the case of theatre, I think it’s the other actors. If you flub something – if you mess something up, there’s someone across the stage from you who’s gonna be able to pick you back up. If you totally forget your line, you can trust that someone onstage is going to say, “I know what you’re thinking…” Then [they’ll] feed you your line. They’ll be able to figure it out for you.

Where can people find you on social media?

Instagram and MediaLunchBreak on Twitter. I also help out Infinite Variety Productions on their board. And the Drama Debrief! I might be a co-founder.

Where are you from originally?
How would you describe growing up there (how’s it different from out here)? 
I am from Downey, CA. Home of the original McDonald’s, and The Carpenters, haha. I was in LA county so Hollywood was close without being right in the middle of the city. I like to be involved with art, but I like not being right on top of my neighbors. I grew up ice-skating, dancing, and acting in school, but until I was a junior in high school I was planning on being a veterinarian. So I didn’t see first-hand how many people moved here for acting until I was in college and going on auditions, when most of the people I met were not from the area. Although considering I grew up in the traffic, I should have known.

What is your Hogwarts house and why?
I didn’t know until my cousin had me take the test and I was sorted into Ravenclaw. When I read, “Wise old Ravenclaw, if you’ve a ready mind, where those of wit and learning will always find their kind.”
– J.K. Rowling 

I thought that is pretty accurate, except red being my favorite color. I have always been an old soul with a babyface – which is fun when it comes to casting because I feel like I am still growing into my type of roles. I also love to be creative outside [of] acting. I love making handmade gifts for family and friends. And with the help of my family and friends, we pretty much made my wedding from scratch.           

Used with permission from Alberie Rachele Hansen

What are some geeky hobbies you partake in? Why do you like them? Rather – what captivates you about them?
I  have a couple of sides to my geek hobbies. As far as the fantasy art side, the show Supernatural is one of my biggest fandoms. I have been watching since the beginning. I love the research that goes into the show. And how even though you can tell they have a lot of fun on the show, they take their work seriously. I loved the Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse books and the show True Blood. Although I don’t like to compare them because they did differ from each. I like to enjoy them as their own entities. I also like her Harper Connelly Series of books, which are a little about solving crime and a little supernatural. And the Jeff Lindsay books for the Dexter series, which bridges the gap to my other geeky side of most things crime and murder-based. I am a Murderino. I listen to the My Favorite Murder Podcast, as well as many other true crime-based podcasts (Last Podcast of the Left, Real Crime Profile). And I enjoy reading (or listening) to true crime books. I love learning how they catch them, breaking down the profile, and trying to get justice for the victims. 

When did you remember first falling in love with performing?
Was it watching a certain movie, play, musical, or show?
Was there a certain moment?
Like I said, I grew up wanting to be a veterinarian, but it was always performing for fun. I had my first ice-skating competition at five. I started dancing in middle school with my church. And I was always putting on shows for my family. I finally decided to make it into my career in my junior year when I took anatomy and we had to dissect a cat, even though I still found it interesting, I realized I didn’t want to make it my career. I thought about what made me happy and that was performing. I started reading acting books and watching even more movies to study performances. Then the next year I was the lead in Alice in Wonderland and I jumped headfirst into making a career of performing. 

Used with permission from Alberie Rachele Hansen

If you could take the place of any fictional character from any book, TV show, comic, or film – who would you choose? And why? 
At the top of my list, my dream would be for them to turn the Harper Connelly Series into a TV show. She is a woman, who was struck by lightning and can now feel the last moments of a dead person. Her and her stepbrother, who I would cast as Matthew Gray Gubler (this is my dream right), help find missing people. The person is usually murdered and then they solve the case. The character has been through a lot before the book even begins, which is why I like her as well. I like those strong, but damaged characters. There are shows where I wish I could have been cast, like Sarah (Tatiana Maslany) from Orphan Black, Jessica (Krysten Ritter) from Jessica Jones and Fiona (Emmy Rossum) from Shameless. But part of the reason I love those characters is because of their performances, so I just stay positive knowing my role is coming.

Who is someone you look up to and why?
Feel free to name two or three. (Preferably a real person)

There are so many I will name a few and as soon as I am finished I remember five more. First, Iliza Shlesinger, she is one of my favorite comedians. She is very smart, I definitely recommend her book, Girl Logic. She is just such a force when it comes to knowing and getting what she wants. I listen to her podcast as well and she talks about her past struggles with getting cast in more acting work. Now as she is getting more acting work and got her own show produced you can see her hard work pay off. It is really inspiring and motivating.
Second, Matthew Gray Gubler, besides being an interesting human being, I love his career. He is on a long-running show, Criminal Minds, which is an amazing show, but very dark. Then when he is not filming that show, he is filming these fun interesting independent films. All the stories and characters are different, which is what I would like from my career. I want to jump into as many lives as possible. I have a lot more people I look up to and would love to work with, Michael C. Hall, Alan Ball, Kevin Smith, Adam Driver, Amy Adams, Rachel Griffiths
But a person outside the arts who I really look up is – Laura Richards. She is is a British psychologist, criminal behavioral analyst, former New Scotland Yard, and an expert on domestic violence, stalking, sexual violence and risk assessment. She is the founder of Paladin in 2013, the world’s first National Stalking Advocacy Service. Laura Richards is one of the hosts of Real Crime Profile. She is so passionate about the work she does. She is one of the reasons that even though I still want to be an actor, I am starting courses for forensic psychology. I wanted to take my love, true crime and put it into something good, like victim advocacy. I would like to help people build themselves up after the crime. There is a lot more healing to be done after the crime is solved.

Tell me about a time you had to pick yourself back up career-wise.
What or who helped you get there?

After I graduated from Cal-State Fullerton and was first starting to build a life trying to act, I had all this training, but getting out and networking is a whole other type of training I wasn’t used to.  I also didn’t have a lot of money so being able to afford classes, pictures, and driving to auditions was hard. During that time, I read a lot of plays and books so I could keep myself as sharp as possible and I did as much community theater as I could. Once I got a job as a bartender at the airport I was able to afford more things for my acting, and I was able to perform more. But I also found myself not wanting to get too comfortable that it made me fear moving forward in my acting, “Yay, I can afford things, but I want more than that out of my career.” So finding that balance was really hard, work would make me tired, but while I was at work I would think about all the art I wanted to work on. It is hard to find that balance when you are building a career that doesn’t always pay you. You want your work to feed your soul, but you also have to feed your body.
Through both of these times I had my mom, and my husband cheering me on as the loudest portion of my fan club. My mom has always been supportive of whatever I wanted to do, she gave me this bracelet from Disneyland that says, “Find your passion, take chances.” I always have that in the back of my mind when I find myself getting too comfortable and not pushing myself enough. My husband is always pushing me to work on new things and make me laugh when I get discouraged. His career is outside of the art world, so I am so grateful for his support when I have late rehearsals or a late film shoot night. 

Used with permission from Alberie Rachele Hansen

What are some current projects and/or goals you’re working on?
Before the shutdown, I finished a couple of projects that are in editing now: Real Acting Season 2. Season one is on Amazon Prime. Shameless plug, haha! Also out – Break and The Saber: A Star Wars fan film. I am really excited to see the finished product. A friend of mine is working on a short that we can film on screens during the quarantine, which will be really fun and interesting to be a part of.  I also work on as many monologues as I can to practice and post. I want to keep myself working, so I can hit the ground running when we are allowed to interact in public again. I am also exploring writing my own work. I have a couple of ideas, and what better time to work on them, than when you can’t leave the house?

What was one of your oddest performing experiences as an actress?
I have a guess, but I’m curious what you’d choose. I know I’ve a couple.
First what comes to mind is when my skating dress broke right before a competition and I almost flashed everyone during my skate. As far as acting, one time when I was doing this real fun absurdist play, which had adult content. Nothing too graphic, but it was an all-ages show in the round. The audience was almost sitting on the stage. It was such a small venue and a couple of performances there were kids in the front row, so it took some work to get my mind back into the piece, but the show must go on.  

Do you have a favorite inspiring quote (by whom)?
I have a few: “Pressure makes a pearl.” – Iliza Shlesinger (quoting her dad)    
“Failure is success training.” & “It costs nothing to encourage an artist.”
– Kevin Smith                              
                                                                                   
“(Rochester) Ask yourself what you want from the theatre. “
“(Lizzy Barry) I want the passionate love of my audience. I want, when I make a sweep of my arm to carry their hearts away, and when I die that they should sigh for never seeing me again-till the next afternoon.”
The Libertine by Stephen Jeffreys.

Used with permission from Alberie Rachele Hansen

What is your dream show or project to work on?
Well, I guess I already answered this a little bit. I would love to make the Harper Connelly Series. I would love to be in a production of The Libertine by Stephen Jeffreys. I would also love to be in a production and or a screen adaptation of Burn This by Lanford Wilson and Jesus Hopped the A Train, by Stephen Adly Guirgis. Although there are so many more! [My] big dreams are to finish my script ideas and get to star in them. I just want to perform well-thought-out interesting characters.

What is the impact you want to leave on the world?
From my work I want people to escape even if it is just for a little while. Depending on the story I want people to find laughter, catharsis, or make them see the world a little differently when they leave. I want them to really feel like they are in the world with me. From my life I want people to see that you should always push yourself to feed your passions. Even if you don’t make all the money in the world every time you do something that makes you happy, it makes your light shine just a little brighter. That is worth more than money can buy.

What has quarantine been like for you? How are you keeping yourself occupied?
Honestly, I don’t really take a lot of time off, I will switch shifts for auditions and shows, but when I take a day off here or there I am usually doing something.  So I am taking this time as a blessing of recovery. I can work on my art, workout, cook, and clean, without having the time limit, making me stop and get ready for work. I am very thankful that the money I got from my work and unemployment my husband and I are getting takes care of the bills. That is a big thing I don’t have to worry about right now.

It has been nice to clear my mind a little. I don’t have to deal with a child in school and if we are not out by June, my feelings will probably change, haha. I really have been cooking from scratch more, which is really fun and it doesn’t feel like as much of a chore since I am not standing all day at work. My cat, Jenny, and my dog, Forest, love the attention they are getting – don’t tell the cat I told you that! But I just take it day-by-day. Some days I am ready to record for hours, and others I need to rest and watch Bones with homemade cinnamon rolls.

Where can people follow you? (Social Media links)
Twitter: brierachele
Instagram: brierachele1
YouTube: http://tinyurl.com/AlberieRachele                                    
Website: https://alberierachelehansen.com

Where are you from originally?
Originally, I am from Albuquerque, New Mexico.

How did you get into acting?
I got into acting because of my father. He was a longtime theatre and aspiring film actor. And some of my earliest memories are going with him to some of his rehearsals – sitting, watching, listening, and getting into it. And one day, I was watching ­– I think I was about five and I was watching Inspector Gadget on TV…And my Dad, he noticed me running around and acting out everything he was doing – you know everything you do when you’re a kid. And he stopped me and in a roundabout way explained that that was acting. That’s what he did – it was playing and having fun. He asked me if I wanted to give it a try. I was very young. It all sort of happened very fast. I was going on auditions and working – and it was a lot of fun!

What came first for you, theatre or TV?
Um, first for me to actually do was TV – but like I said theatre was definitely a very big part of it. It was always there and in my brain getting it started. But my first job was a McDonald’s commercial on television for Tiny Toons happy meal toy.

Can you name a couple or so actors you look up to and why?
My favorite actor is probably Bruce Campbell. I’ve never been able to find anybody to impress me or entertain me more than him. He’s got a charm. We can’t deny that. And he’s a very handsome fella. I appreciate his action skills and his comedy skills. He just – I don’t how else to describe it. He’s just always been a performer I’ve been drawn to – and sometimes I emulate. And one of my favorite moments trying to capture Bruce Campbell was when I got into the fight with Benny in the first HalloweenTown. I thought here I am fighting with an animatronic skeleton. I felt like Bruce Campbell in Army of Darkness. This – this is the big time!
And despite how much their styles are made fun of, I’m a genuine fan of [both] William Shatner and Arnold Schwarzenegger. I grew up watching them and have always been inspired by the passion behind their performances.

Used with permission from J. Paul Zimmerman

What is your Hogwarts house and why?
My Hogwarts house is Gryffindor. Why? I’m actually not sure. I took the test on Pottermore a couple times being very sure that I would come out Slytherin – probably because I took the test during dark feeling times and angry times…Maybe even wanting to come out as a Slytherin. But I got Gryffindor and I think it’s because I love people too much and I’m too honest.

If you could cast yourself in any movie or show you’ve ever seen, which one would it be and what role?
One of my actual dream roles – which seems more realistic now that there’s more of it on television – is to be a Star Trek character. I would like to be on a season of Discovery maybe or Picard…Or something new… My only stipulation would be that I would want to be a new character. I would not want to redo somebody’s character or play a younger or past version. I don’t mean to be a snob, but I would just love to add something to the Star Trek universe. Other than that, I would have to say I’m a big fan of those Snickers commercials that are, “You’re not you when you’re hungry.” I would love to do one of those commercials with Danny DeVito playing me when I’m hungry. I think that would be a good match up.

Why’d you pick these choices?
Well, to be perfectly honest, I am a big nerd. I love Star Trek, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, Superman, and I could go on. I love many fandoms but you know, Star Trek I’ve been into for a long time. My sister got me into Star Trek when I was very young, so we have that to share and it’s definitely been one of my longest running fandoms besides Star Wars. And I’m just really happy to see that it’s back on TV and popular. I like the movies but I think it’s much stronger in its original television format and I would like to be a part of that history.

Okay, I know I’ve asked you about this before off the record and you were kind enough to tell me then, but I’ll ask now – how was it getting to work with Debbie Reynolds in HalloweenTown?
Getting to work with Debbie Reynolds in HalloweenTown was probably one of the best things that’s ever happened to me as a person, as a professional. It’s just something that I’ll never forget – especially getting to work with her on multiple films. The best way that I could describe Debbie is that she never seemed to take a minute off.  And from the moment anyone saw her, she was at eleven with all this energy – going from joke to joke but then would sit down with you and then give you this worldly sage advice. She was always there, always present. She wasn’t one of those people who go off to their trailer between takes. She was there with us, part of the family – and that’s what it was. As soon as Debbie showed up, we were all family. She made us all feel so comfortable with each other and there was literally never a dull moment with her. There was so much to learn.
I miss her all the time. She became so much like a real grandmother. I lost my grandmother a few years prior, so when Debbie passed, it was like losing my grandmother all over again. She was amazing… She would go around introducing herself as, “Princess Leia’s mother.”
When she introduced herself to Emily* for the first time, she said, “Hello, I’m Princess Leia’s mother. Do you know who Princess Leia is?”
Emily said, “No.”  Debbie said, “Well then I’m just some crazy old woman.”

*Emily Roeske played Sophie Piper in the HalloweenTown series alongside
J. Paul Zimmerman who played Dylan Piper.

Used with permission from J. Paul Zimmerman

That’s amazing. Snapping back to geeky things.
What are some of the geeky activities you partake in?

I love LEGOs. LEGOs, Magic: the Gathering, and Dungeons & Dragons when I’m lucky enough to be invited. I’m also a film geek. I’ve always wanted to be an artsy director like Stanley Kubrick or David Lynch.

Was there a time when you had to pick yourself back up whilst chasing your ambitions? Can you tell me about that time?
The time I had to pick myself up was a few years ago… I had retired from acting after fifteen years so I could travel and see if there was anything else I wanted to do. Eventually I realized I missed acting. I needed to come back but it took some time to save up and find a place. Then I reconnected with old friends who got me regular jobs and theatre gigs until I found my stride again…Getting started in this town is not easy, and I wouldn’t be where I am without the support of my friends.

Do you have a favorite quote that inspires you?
I always find comfort in the words of Bill Hicks: “Matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we’re the imagination of ourselves.”

What projects are you currently working on?
I am currently not working on any projects at this time but I am hoping to do some more theatre in the next couple of months. But for right now, I’m trying to catch up on some writing. I’m writing a sci-fi play that I would like to finish this year. I have a couple of screenplays in progress, TV series, and ideas for more screenplays that I’d like to make some progress on while I have the free time.

Where can people find you on social media?
Instagram: JPaulZim & Dr.Zimmerman
Twitter: @JPaulZim
Facebook: JPaulZim

When did you first know you wanted to be in the film industry?
I always knew I wanted to be a storyteller of some sort, be it film, TV, comic books, gaming, etc. And now it’s all interconnected anyway, so it’s perfect. I started writing short fiction, mostly fantasy, sci-fi, and superhero stuff when I was in second or third grade. I would also write “fan-fiction” of Norse, Greek, and Egyptian myths, basically follow up stories to established myths. Then I discovered D&D. I also started writing and drawing my own comic books. But I didn’t actually decide to focus on film until I was living in Japan, which had also been a dream of mine since I was ten years old.
So, at twenty-eight, I came back from Japan and moved out here to Hollywood to make that dream come true as well.

How would you describe your journey from the time above to creating Sushi Girl?
I had been working in nearly all aspects of film for nearly 10 years before Sushi Girl came along. Screenwriter, actor, producer, PA, talent manager, casting associate, development executive, etc. So when my buddy Kern Saxton wrote and wanted to direct for a micro-budget, I saw it as a bigger project, and jumped in as producer to finance it, help reshape the script, get a known cast, find the perfect location to film, etc.

Used with permission from Neal Fischer

Out of your own projects, which would you say is your favorite and why?
Sushi Girl. Because it was my first real film baby. And the entire cast, core creative team, and most of the crew are still like family. In fact, we just did a special screening a few weeks ago and nearly the entire cast showed up. And just yesterday quite a few of my Sushi Girl family came to my birthday party, some from different parts of the state. I am blessed. 

What projects are you currently working on?
There are several projects. I am producing a documentary on the film and martial arts legend, Sonny Chiba, and [it] will go into production soon.  I manage him in the US, so he is on board and excited about it. I am also making a new company with a close friend, and we have several projects currently in the works. We will be making official announcements early next year.   

Sonny Chiba, Neal Fischer
Used with permission from Neal Fischer

When do they [your projects] come out?
Some will come out next year, some the following year. Some will take several years to develop, finance, film, go through post-production and then distribute so everyone has access to them.

Where are you originally from?
I was born in California, but was primarily raised in the Midwest, Iowa and South Dakota mostly.

Used with permission from Neal Fischer

Is there a certain geeky event or film that you are looking forward to the most in 2020?
No. Life now is one massive nerdgasm. One awesome con after another. One great film after another.  Mind-blowing comics, both new titles and old are hitting shelves monthly. [The] same can be said for video games, new table top boardgames, and RPGs… And let’s not forgot where it all started for me – Dungeons and Dragons! So, I am loving life! There is so much to look forward to. And so much inspiring creativity and craftsmanship!

What geeky activities do you partake in?
I dabble in all of it. But my favorites are Dungeons and Dragons, in fact I just had a D&D birthday party… I also run a vampire LARP. And of course, quite a bit of my job also falls into “geeky activities” territory.

Neal Fischer, Samuel Hadida
Used with permission from Neal Fischer

What is a challenge you have faced that you think helped better you as a creator?
The beauty of filmmaking is that it is so collaborative. It must also keep up with the times, or even lead it. So, I am constantly learning, adapting, growing, on many levels. But I would say most recently the sudden and unexpected passing of my former boss, Samuel Hadida. I had worked for him for twelve years as Head of Production and Development for Davis Films Los Angeles Branch and oversaw many great films (Silent Hill 2, Resident Evil 3-6, Solomon Kane, Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Lucky Day, etc.) and developed several film/TV franchises (Vampire Hunter D, Golgo 13, Wolfenstein, House of Night, etc.). He was my mentor, one of my best friends, was like family, and one of my greatest inspirations. The loss was devastating. But it also forced me out of my comfort zone, [to] get back on up on my feet, get back to my creative roots, and extra motivated to make him proud of me!

What is your Hogwarts house?
Æsir*. Oh, wait that’s Norse. I’m a Slytherin in the Harry Potter Wizards Unite game, if that counts.

*Æsir: A Nordic tribe of gods

What advice would you give to fellow geeky creatives just starting on their career paths?
Create, create, create. Don’t wait! There are so many ways to get started, from crowdfunding and self-publishing, to just putting your creations online. So, just create your stuff, and figure out how to get it out there as you go along. Obviously, if you know people who are already doing it professionally, ask them for specific advice to help avoid common pitfalls, but ultimately Yoda was right, “Do or do not, there is no try.” 

Neal Fischer at Comic-Con
Used with permission from Neal Fischer

More sad news from Hollywood. Omarosa Stallworth, fiancé of Michael Clarke Duncan, let everyone know today that the actor has passed at the young age of 54.

Duncan recently suffered a heart attack in June and it seems he was not able to fully recover.

Duncan had a huge amount of acting credits under his belt. He was best known for his Oscar-nominated performance as John Coffey in Frank Darabont’s adaptation of The Green Mile. His popularity skyrocketed afterwards, having been involved in a multitude of projects in the years following.

His passing is quite unexpected. The actor’s IMDB page lists numerous projects still production. It’s too early to tell how those projects will be affected.

Duncan was well known in the geek world, being involved in titles such as Daredevil, the 2003 animated Spider-Man series, Teen Titans, Sin City, and most recently as the voice of Kilwog in last years Green Lantern.

Rest in peace big guy. You’ll be missed.

Michael Clarke Duncan

 

When I first heard Scarlett Johansson’s debut album, “Anywhere I Lay My Head”, it got me thinking about how many other actors there were out there who made records. Well, there were a lot. So, I trudged through quite a few to compile this list for you. These are the worst of the worst. The repeat offenders. These songs make you wonder what the hell is going on in the recording industry, and then realize that it’s full of a lot of people who take themselves, and their singing abilities, far too seriously. Feel free to thank me later. (Seriously, this was a painful undertaking – let’s talk musical bullets…)

#10. Milla Jovovich – She lands in spot #10 on this list because her voice isn’t terrible. In fact, at some notes it can be almost pretty. However her music for the most part is an almost comical Ukranian pop. Now, I certainly understand this given her roots; but it doesn’t make for compelling music outside of her home country. Another aspect of her musical talents that is almost comical is the music video for her lone single “Gentlemen Who Fell”. The expression she makes at some points in the video made me laugh like a mad woman…her eyes almost bulge from her face, Total Recall style. And what’s with the grim reaper character? Milla is a beautiful, talented woman…she’s just not a musician.

 

 

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eSCFAxxCO7Q 

#9. Russell Crowe – Yes, Russell Crowe is in a band, well was…errr….is? The actor’s most recent band is The Ordinary Fear of God; however back in the 90’s he was the front-man for 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. However sultry and smooth Crowe’s voice may be on screen, it doesn’t translate that well to music. He isn’t able to hit a lot of notes, and the ones he does hit he can’t actually hold for any length of time. It’s a good thing that almost nobody heard his music, otherwise it might have tainted his career!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lIwKkF50tMc&feature=related


#8. Bruce Willis –
Willis released three albums during his career, the first two were in the 80’s and the latest, “Classic Bruce Willis” in 2001. For some reason, as bad as his albums were, I feel inclined to not give Willis too much hell about it. Here’s why:

He seems like a pretty stand up guy in personal matters of his life. Let’s take for example his divorce from Demi Moore. The pair never fought in public and have acted like adults and friends throughout the entire ordeal. Also, Willis’ career is the stuff that dreams are made of. And finally, he’s managed to stay alive and important in Hollywood since 1980…that is a very remarkable feat to accomplish in an extremely fickle business. Now, don’t get me wrong, the man is not a singer (please, please never buy his music) and his albums are absolutely terrible – but he didn’t sell himself out as much as let’s say… Hasselhoff.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=C8mL_QM6jEU&feature=related

#7. Jennifer Love Hewitt – She broke out into the music scene around the same time that she started garnering moderate successes within her acting career…and her music is bad enough to be on this list. For some reason she made it big in Asia, so record companies let her continue to put out music; needless to say, she didn’t have too much commercial success in the US. She is talented enough to help write her own music, but it’s so damn syrupy-sweet and sugar-coated that it makes you want to gag and leaves you grasping for water. Her voice rubs me the same way. I feel as though I could get diabetes from listening to more than one song. I know a lot of people with diabetes and I don’t want to get that from a song.

And she, like the other women on this list, runs the risk of appearing to be selling not only her vocals, but her body as well. Alas, little Jenn Love’s musical pitfalls haven’t hurt her career in the least; as she continues to grace the covers of men’s magazines flaunted as a sex-symbol and has managed to stay afloat with an acting career that, while not Oscar worthy, is quite consistent.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IiNRBijQ2XU

#6. Jennifer Lopez – It is a fact that JLo can dance and sometimes she can even act; but what she cannot do is sing. The diva’s songs fall terribly short when she doesn’t have someone like Nas or P. Diddy to help her through and it seems as though she can only hit one note. Thanks to a large budget and friends in good places, her beats aren’t too awful, but the writing is ridiculous:

I stay grounded as the amounts roll in…I’m down to Earth like this…

I somehow think most of America might disagree. She sings these lines while wearing nothing but high heels, red lipstick and a fur coat. Her songs constantly speak of how she came from humble beginnings to finally make it big in the business, but let’s all be serious…she hasn’t been “Jenny From The Block” in a long long time, so who exactly is she trying to convince? Her music videos beg one question- what exactly is she trying to put on the market? I get the feeling that it’s not her vocal stylings….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iyZr0xBUR_E

#5. Keanu Reeves – Given that the actor has only one look (and it’s nowhere near as good as Blue Steel) what could we really ever expect from his band? Dogstar released their first album in 1996, shortly after Reeves’ film success with Speed. The band was never really commercially successful and it’s really no surprise at all. They tried to play on the grunge/ alternative rock movement that was making waves in the 90’s…but with some odd cover songs plucked from previous decades. The vocalist cannot sing…he sounds as though he is in pain when trying to do so, and the songs are boring and bland. I realize that even movie stars need to have hobbies, but why do we have to be subjected to them?

Link: No one should have to look at (or listen to) Keanu any more than necessary.

#4. Scarlett Johansson – You would think that it would be enough for one person to be both Woody Allen’s “muse” and one of the most beautiful women on the planet…not for Scarlett Johansson; she had to record an album too! I really wanted to like her record, and I swear I tried to do so, but it just wasn’t going to happen. So not only did Scarlett give herself the difficult task of recording said album, she decided that the material was going to be solely Tom Waits cover songs. This is really where she went wrong. Her voice, though smoky and sexy on screen, isn’t nearly complex enough on this album…instead it falls abruptly flat. She never came close to rekindling the fire that Waits had, even though it sounds like she really tried to. The whole thing sounds like something anyone could whip up with Garage Band – this album does not sound like a major label debut.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_27vvvStXI

#3. Steven Seagal – Ok, really. How the hell did Seagal get a record contract? Who is seeing his movies and listening to his music? I don’t get it. Where does someone get the idea that Seagal should even record an album in the first place? The “singer”, and I use that term very loosely here, struggles heavily through the vocals on both records released: “Mojo Priest” and “Songs From The Crystal Cave”- album titles that sound more like awful movies that he starred in. Seagal is heavily backed with decent musicians, so if you do decide to listen to his music, please don’t confuse the two. The worst part about the whole endeavor is that he seems to take himself seriously…trying to play guitar and sing…which seems to just be too big a feat for him to tackle – and this time he doesn’t have his stunt double.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7Qw5bKTBQE4

#2. Joe Pesci – Ok, Who didn’t love “My Cousin Vinny”? Really…classic movie. However, it seems that Joe Pesci just couldn’t let it go. About six years after “Vinny” premiered, Pesci recorded one of the worst albums ever, “Vincent Laguardia Gambini Sings Just For You”, a stereotypical and cliche homage to his character in the film. For some inane reason every song on the disc is explicit (Did they really think cursing would add something to this record?). It’s hard not to laugh as Pesci basically talks his way through the entirety, spouting nonsense such as

“I’m a wiseguy…

[insert Mr. Rogers theme song melody]

lovely day in the neighborhood

lovely day in the neighborhood

for a drive by”.

Not only can Pesci not sing…nor does he really even attempt to, but I sincerely hope that whoever wrote the lyrics for this record has never worked since. This album has no redeeming qualities and it makes you sit back and wonder how hard it really is to get a record deal with Sony.

Shortened-edited version of a song…this is really all anyone should ever have to sit through. It’s so bad, you have to watch it…maybe that’s its appeal…hmmm….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=TTKGO20nxNs

#1. David Hasselhoff- Yes, Germans know beer and yes, they know cars…but what they don’t have a clue about is music – apparently. Enter David Hasselhoff – huge in Germany, ridiculed in every other western country. This guy has recorded more albums that I originally thought, and I knew he had at least a few under his belt. Hasselhoff was clearly not meant to be a singer. He shifts between a pseudo sexy whisper and a wailing cry more than KITT shifted gears. He’s mostly off key and sounds like he is taking his singing as seriously as he did his character on Baywatch. His songs all sound like they were recorded on an old Casio keyboard with crappy 90’s sound effects strewn throughout for good measure. Even more cheesy, however, are his music videos…check out “Hooked on a Feeling” for a strong belly laugh (it totally makes you understand his desire to drink). The only time I want to be watching David is when he is on his floor eating burgers and breaking promises 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8

There are a few actors who sing and don’t actually suck. Yes, there are exceptions to the general rule. Here are some honorable mentions:

Will Smith – I don’t think he deserves a Grammy or anything, but he can sing and his songs have good rhythm. He’s very pop meets safe hip-hop, but he still deserves the airplay he got. Unarguably, Smith is a better actor than musician, but the man seems to be able to do anything with at least some charisma.

She + Him- Zoey Deschanel’s indie rock project is actually good. Everyone who saw Elf knows the girl can sing, but this album proves she’s got a little more soul than other cookie cutter groups.

30 Seconds to Mars – I think I would have less of a problem with this band if Jared Leto had less of an ego – we can wish can’t we? But, in all honesty, their songs are decent and commercially viable. And it doesn’t hurt that Leto isn’t exactly ugly. They certainly don’t deserve to be on the other part of this list…yet.