Tag: Russell Crowe

Geekscape Movie Reviews: Boy Erased

by MCDave

Actor-turned-director Joel Edgerton appeared at last night’s Philadelphia premiere of his new awards contender, Boy Erased, and proclaimed that he was pushed into making the film as an embattled inner-reaction to reading Garrard Conley’s memoir by the same name. Conley’s lifetime of trials and tribulations as the son of a pastor coming to grips with his own sexuality through a forced conversion therapy clearly provoked a bitterness in the director, something Edgerton felt compelled to bring to big screen as an eye-opening realization of this outdated procedure. And through the filmmaker’s respectful portrayal of Conley’s burdened journey into adulthood, Boy Erased highlights a still-present debate in our society’s ongoing quest for acceptance and equality.

Jared (Lucas Hedges) is a popular teen living what many would label as a “normal” life. He’s the son of loving parents (Russell Crowe and Nicole Kidman) who push him to to remain dedicated to God, while also playing on sports teams and dating a popular girl in school. Yet, despite this wholesome and envious upbringing, Jared finds deep-rooted temptation in his undeniable attraction to the same sex. And after an incident at college brings this secret to his parent’s attention, Jared attempts to correct his natural impulses by attending a gay conversion program at the demand of his pastor father.

Boy Erased’s non-chronological flow helps unveil iconic moments to Garrard Conley’s true experiences in a substantially appropriate sequence. This young man’s difficult journey, both emotionally and psychologically, is often inconsolable, scarred by tragedy and a helpless uncertainty that brings depth and moral complexity to the lead character. Rising star Lucas Hedges absorbs these wide-ranging emotions, illustrating a truly ambivalent onscreen persona that’s absolutely heartbreaking at times, and unapologetically fearless at others. It’s truly empowering to witness Jared’s metamorphosis from a scared and confused teenager to a self-accepting and resolute young adult. He faces off against his overbearing and religious father, who’s wonderfully portrayed by Russell Crowe, and even alters his mother’s stance on the family dilemma. Speaking of which, Nicole Kidman generally targets Oscar-baity roles, ones which allow her to suck all the air out of scenes. Yet, in a surprising turn of events she delivers a more tempered performance, but one that still highlights her singular talents. If anything, Boy Erased places a focus on the absurdities surrounding these conversion programs, knowing very well which audiences can and can’t be swayed by this dramatization. While I continue to waver back and forth on the film’s Best Picture prospects, Boy Erased still marks a strong and impactful follow-up feature for Joel Edgerton.

GRADE: 4/5

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Geekscape Movie Review: Tom Cruise’s ‘The Mummy’

by AllieHanley

‘The Mummy’ opening this weekend is a big tub of greasy popcorn fun starring Tom Cruise. This new take on the classic tale is filled with some twists and revamping of the core story.

Whether you are intricately aware of the original Universal Mummy films or the later ones starring Brendan Fraser this foray earnestly tries to incorporate new story elements including a female mummy, and Cruise playing a character with questionable morals.

Sidekick to Cruise is “New Girl” star, Jake Johnson who brings an excellent amount of levity to the story that seems to break up some of the action and dark scenes with solid laugh out loud moments that mostly work even when the dialogue gets cheesy. His character is often the voice of reason even when Cruise’s wants to go off the deep end.

In an attempt to provide context and avoid one and two dimensional characters ‘The Mummy” has two prologues which is kind of different but smart considering this is an action led narrative. Both mini stories do help establish Russell Crowe’s surprising character, but more importantly, gives motivation for Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella) as she becomes a mummy for crimes she committed.  Unfortunately, even with these added character prologues, both still rise to just being two dimensional.

While Admanet’s motivation is clearly set on power we don’t get to see much else of what makes her tick. To be a great villain a story needs to show more depth and this is one of the reasons “The Mummy” is more fluff than substance. In the same vein, is Russell Crowe’s character (intentionally leaving out his name). He’s a bit ambiguous and the character creates more questions than answers. This may be intentional, as I would assume to see him showing up in the “Dark Universe” films that will be featuring other Universal monsters like Dracula and Wolfman. Look for Easter Eggs in the workshop and office hinting at other famous creatures (they are not obvious).

One of the major action sequences that takes place is when the cargo plane crashes as seen in the trailers. The work that went into the scene almost makes the entire film worth going to see as well as some underwater sequences. Cruise loves his action and in that he totally delivers in this film.

“The Mummy” isn’t going to win a bunch of awards in the story or acting department. However, that doesn’t mean that it still can’t be fun. Cruise delivers on what he’s known for, bigger than life stories with gigantic incredible action scenes. For many that’s enough to make an outing to the theater worth the effort. The story does do some different things with the classic Mummy tale but the choices for some will be predictable. Those who love the traditional creature feature of yester year won’t mind but those looking for substance will find it difficult when the narrative plays second fiddle to expansive action scenes.

Final Verdict: 3 out of 5

  • Rating: PG-13
  • Genre: Action & Adventure, Drama, Horror
  • Directed By: Alex Kurtzman
  • Written By: David Koepp, Christopher McQuarrie, Dylan Kussman
  • In Theaters: Jun 9, 2017  Wide
  • Runtime:120 minutes
  • Studio: Universal

Geekscape Movie Reviews: The Nice Guys

by MCDave

Considering Shane Black broke into the the industry as the writer of the 1987 buddy-cop comedy, Lethal Weapon, there’s no surprise that he’s returning to his roots for his third directorial effort, The Nice Guys. I’ve been on record speaking out against Black’s previous entry as the visionary behind Iron Man 3, but I’m thrilled to see him transitioning back to a place of comfort. Black first stepped behind the camera for 2005’s wildly acclaimed caper comedy, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and more than a decade has passed since, Yet, Black’s able to rediscover his winning formula with a new pair of leading stars, Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling.

Set throughout 1970s Los Angeles, Jackson Healey (Crowe) is an enforcer who makes problems go away. And when a fearful young client named Amelia goes missing, Healey must team up with a binge-drinking private investigator named Hollard March (Gosling) to locate the girl. But as they dig deeper into the mystery, Healey and March become entangled with dangerous mobsters, porn stars and high-ranking government officials.

nice1

The Nice Guys stands as a refreshing new buddy comedy that delivers well-earned and cleverly crafted jokes. There is no shortage of laugh out loud moments, all of which solidify Shane Black’s latest film as a clear-cut winner. Gosling and Crowe have a natural chemistry that allows the humor to flow naturally. Their characters possess contrasting personalities that perfectly complement one another. Gosling as the clumsy and more unprofessional investigator, and Crowe as the brute muscle who operates under a strict unwritten code of the industry. In addition to a fine script that allows for the film’s talented leads to work their comedic magic, The Nice Guys has another surprising talent emerge from all of its splendor. Normally the overuse of a teenage character can be a hindrance to a movie, yet Black brilliantly incorporates newcomer Angourie Rice into the story. As Holland March’s daughter and voice of humanity in the film, Rice sets herself apart as a valuable asset. Each of these glowing attributes come together masterfully in one of 2016’s finest efforts.

nice2

Although the film’s laughter and light-heartedness keep a positive and energized tone throughout its duration, The Nice Guys does manage to struggle in a few key areas. The overall mystery of their case lacks depth and unpredictability. Furthermore, many of March and Healey’s big breaks are discovered by luck and sheer chance. Black’s work could have used a little more investigative wit to counterbalance all of the film’s accomplished comedy. And finally, The Nice Guys merely skims over any dramatic elements that it introduces. As a result, the film’s characters appear cartoon-ish and one dimensional. Perhaps a slightly deeper dive into their personal lives would have gone a long way. Instead, we’re left with a hysterical and effective caper comedy, but very little more.

Needless to say, Shane Black has another winner on his hands. Acceptable doses of action, mystery and hilariously scripted humor come together to deliver a wildly entertaining film. The Nice Guys doesn’t break any barriers or demand a place on the Mount Rushmore of buddy comedies, but it definitely makes for a worthwhile movie experience. If your in need of some genuine laughs and an engaging couple of hours at the movies, then you certainly won’t regret taking a chance on Shane Black’s latest entry.

GRADE: 4/5

Check out a list of Ryan Gosling’s Best Roles and other write-ups at MCDAVE’s host site

Geekscape Movie Reviews: Noah

by MCDave

If 2014 is any indication of where the future of cinema is headed, brace yourself for a huge religious movement. Mel Gibson’s 2004 The Passion of the Christ became such a financial success that movie studios could no longer ignore the widespread audiences biblical films attract. Fast forward a decade and films like Son of God, Ridley Scott’s Exodus and Darren Aronofsky’s Noah headline a trio of bible-centered stories that are primed for big box-office results this year. While I haven’t always been enamored with religious tales brought to the big screen, thankfully, Darren Aronofsky puts a fresh spin on the well-known story of Noah.

After the dawn of man Adam and Eve spawned many children, three of which are known as Cain, Abel & Seth. Their first-born child, Cain, killed Abel out of jealousy and god cursed the land for his unrighteous actions. Meanwhile, Seth’s descendants were appalled at the wickedness of Cain’s ruthless bloodline and segregated from them to reconnect with god.

Generations pass and Noah (Russell Crowe) is a born descendant of Seth who is surrounded in a world consumed by sin and hatred. He receives a premonition from the creator that a flood is coming to destroy all of mankind. With the help of “fallen angels”, Noah builds an ark to withstand the storm and save the earth’s creatures and his family from god’s wrath.

noah 1

Darren Aronofsky’s fascinating interpretation of the story of Noah is brought to life in extraordinary fashion. Many people have discussed Aronofsky’s lifelong obsession with this biblical tale, evident in a nationally recognized prize-winning poem the director wrote as a 7th grade student (story HERE courtesy of ACESHOWBIZ). His passion pays off as this epic adventure breeds an enormous amount of life to the film’s title character. Russell Crowe is on-point in his depiction of the psychological and emotional struggles Noah endured on his path to serving the creator. Aronofsky’s vision of an unrighteous and industrialized world is both unique and eye-opening, serving as a worthwhile bridge to the feature’s amazingly executed visual effects. The flood sequences look phenomenal and take Noah’s story down an unforeseeable path that drive the movie well past the two-hour mark. However, it’s here where Crowe works his magic and delivers yet another unforgettable character.

noah 2

For all its glory, Noah is far from a flawless effort. The Black Swan director certainly initiates some head-scratching with his fantasy-like approach to the story. In a very Tolkein-esque manner Aronofsky introduces computer-generated creatures that allow the building of the ark to make sense, but add a ridiculous mystic vibe to the film. This aspect will ruin the experience for some, and be easy to overlook by others. Furthermore, Noah‘s near two-hour and twenty minute journey is difficult to withstand at times. Although its crawling pace begins as a nuisance, the lull manages to directly elevate the third act of the film which is a magnificent saving grace to the picture. For all of its blunders and miscues, a memorable and impactful finale secure Noah as another winning project from Darren Aronofsky.

With this recent surge in biblical-based movies, I fear sitting through a non-stop “preachy” experience. Noah was none of the sorts. It’s a straight-forward interpretation that rarely (if at all) uses the word “god”. I appreciated the cumulative story and found the conclusion to pack a punch. It comes with its blemishes, but Noah is full of enough special effects and creativity to satisfy most moviegoers.

GRADE: 3.5/5

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Geekscape’s Before First Class – What If An X-Men Movie Was Made In The Early 90s?!?

by Joe Starr

With an announced sequel to X Men: First Class, and the rumors of a rebooted 1960’s Fantastic Four, retro Marvel is officially IN. This has led Geekscape to wonder: what if different Marvel franchises had actually been released in the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s?

Or, maybe you think it’s stupid to cast a Marvel movie in a different decade, justify the lineup, and pitch a plot. Well, that’s why we at Geekscape consider ourselves to be heroes, in a way. We waste our time doing the stupid things the world is afraid to do.

 The 90’s: THE X MEN

It’s 1994. X Men: The Animated Series is wildly popular, and the X Men are settling in as the most popular comic franchise of the decade. A movie spinning out of the popular Jim Lee designs of the animated series using its lineup has to happen. It just makes sense- why wait until 2000? It is only logical that the Uncanny X Men join the film legacy of 1994: The Flintstones. The Mask. Speed. Star Trek: Generations. Speed. Speed.

The pitch: All has been quiet in the mutant world since Magneto exiled himself to Asteroid M. Government tensions are at an all time high with the self appointed savior of mutantkind in orbit. The uneasy peace is shattered when Magneto is approached by The Acolytes and their leader Fabian Cortez, who manipulates Magneto and his followers into a declaration of war against the surface! And Gyrich is there, too! The only ones that can prevent a third world war? THE X MEN! Dwee do do be dooooo do do! Dwee do do be dooooooo do da! X MEN THEME SONG.

And who will play the mutants in a world that hates and fears them?

CHARLES XAVIER

Morgan Freeman? Are you crazy? SUCK IT, WORLD, YOU’RE CRAZY. There’s more to Xavier than being a bald white guy. He’s also wise, inspiring, and got his start doing Listerine commercials. Fresh out of The Shawshank Redemption, Freeman brings the cred as the telepathic founder of the X Men. Plus, it’s at least 30% appropriate that one half of Marvel’s civil rights metaphor is actually black. At least.

MAGNETO

Magneto. The exiled mutant leader and Holocaust survivor. Powerful. Intelligent. Charismatic. Handsome enough that Rogue constantly wants to bang him. Jeff Goldblum. Jeff Goldum you say? Don’t mind if I do. “Sure John, but at Disney, the Pirates of the Caribbean didn’t come to life and use their magnet powers to kill the flatscans.” Words we can all live by.

SCOTT SUMMERS

Val Kilmer. The man who would be Bruce Wayne would make a much better Scott Summers. Stoic. Serious. Handsome. He will be your wingman anytime. I can’t think of anyone in 1994 better groomed to lead the X Men into battle. Except maybe Zero Cool from Hackers. I thought long and hard on that one. Heh. Long. Hard. 90’s humor.

JEAN GREY

The woman who would be the weird character who wanted to bang Bruce Wayne. If Nicole Kidman could put up with Tom Cruise, she can deal with the enormous pressures of the Phoenix. And she can totally pull off constant fainting and shouting ‘Scott!’ and ‘Logan!’ That’s probably the audition. “Slate please. Now look right off camera here and shout ‘Scott.’ Thank you, you’ll hear from us soon.”

FABIAN CORTEZ

Is Michael Wincott super Fabian Cortezy? Possibly not. But was he the awesome bad guy in The Crow? Fuck yes he was. Can you see him being Jeff Goldblum’s right hand man and then (1991 spoiler alert) turning on him? Yes. Yes you can.

GYRICH

Gary Oldman. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, High Ranking Racist Pentagon Official.

STORM

Angela Bassett. Originally Vivica Fox, but we’ve really got to make some tough decisions about who could eventually look better with a mohawk in 1995’s sequel X Men and Jubilee (played by Angels in the Outfield’s Joseph Gordon Levitt).

ROGUE

Perhaps it’s just because I’m the president of the ‘this chick deserved a better career’ club, but Rogue goes to Kari Wuhrer. You know her from 8 Legged Freaks and Command and Conquer: Red Alert. I know her from pictures on AOL when I was becoming a man. And what stronger choice to make for the woman who can’t touch anyone than a woman that a 6th grader really, really wants to touch? It’s poetic and artistic. Like something Alan Moore would write. You guys know Alan Moore? He’s the greatest writer of all time. And he would love this movie. I’m 70% sure of that.

BEAST

James Spader was crushing the sci fi world as the geek that can also kick ass if he has to in STARGATE. Put blue fur on this man immediately! Fun fact: I bet they could have made him look better in 1994 than they did in X Men: First Class. BURN.

WOLVERINE

The Quick and the Dead’s Russell Crowe. He’s the best at what he does. And what he does is throw phones at people in 15 years.

GAMBIT

Cut from the film. Special effects weren’t available in 1994 to replicate his accent properly.

Editor’s Note: Screw you, Joe! You don’t want Van Damme in ANYTHING (except you)! And where’s my Brian “The Boz” Bosworth as Colossus?!?

HAVOK

Come on, how is this not better than Gambit? Rogue can fall in love with him AND he’s the angry younger brother of the team leader. And if the 90’s taught us anything, no one plays ‘angry young brother of the team leader’ better than CHRISTIAN SLATER. This really makes me wish that his character in Pump Up The Volume was actually Alex Summers and at the end his power manifests and he blows up all those FCC trucks. And then he yells ‘Stay hard!’

So who would direct this all out 90s X-Fest? How about a director who spent the end of the 80s making kick ass action film after kick ass action film?

KICK ASS 90s DIRECTOR

John McTiernan made Predator in 1987, Die Hard in 1988 and The Hunt for Red October in 1990. On top of his game, he then made the critical Sean Connery bomb Medicine Man in 1992 and broke Arnold’s hot streak with Last Action Hero in 1993. Ouch. We’d rewrite history to have McTiernan making an X-Men movie for 1994 instead during these dark years before he made Die Hard: With a Vengeance in 1995. How’s that for a career save? We can’t help him with 2002’s Rollerball though…

Well, we’ve learned a lot about me with this one. Mainly, that I wrote more about Kari Wuhrer than Gary Oldman, so I guess we get my priorities. Next week we’re turning the clock another ten years back to avenge the Reagan era! I want my where’s the beef! Members Only Jackets Assemble! I’m casting an 80’s Avengers movie.

The Week In Geek: Before Watchmen Becomes Official, Russell Crowe as Noah? Evil Dead Remake & More

by Eric Diaz

 

“Before Watchmen” Officially Announced By DC 

The big geek news of the week, easily dwarfing everything else, is the official announcement from DC Entertainment that the long rumored prequels to Alan Moore and Dave Gibbon’s seminal Watchmen would be coming this year, now officially titled Before Watchmen. To say this is a controversial movie on the part of DC is a massive understatement. The original graphic novel, originally serialized in twelve parts, is regarded as THE greatest work of comic book fiction by many, even some twenty five years after it was concluded. Author Alan Moore has long wanted no part in any continuation of his seminal work, and even had his name taken off the 2009 movie adaptation. In speaking to the New York Times, Moore had this to say about Before Watchmen: “It is completely shameless. I don’t want money. What I want is for this not to happen.”

The collection of writers and artists on Before Watchmen is of the highest caliber, each tackling a different mini series based on one of the characters from the original. The announced line up of series and creators is as follows: 

 

  • RORSCHACH (4 issues) – Writer: Brian Azzarello. Artist: Lee Bermejo
  • MINUTEMEN (6 issues) – Writer/Artist: Darwyn Cooke
  • COMEDIAN (6 issues) – Writer: Brian Azzarello. Artist: J.G. Jones
  • DR. MANHATTAN (4 issues) – Writer: J. Michael Straczynski. Artist: Adam Hughes
  • NITE OWL (4 issues) – Writer: J. Michael Straczynski. Artists: Andy and Joe Kubert
  • OZYMANDIAS (6 issues) – Writer: Len Wein. Artist: Jae Lee
  • SILK SPECTRE (4 issues) – Writer: Darwyn Cooke. Artist: Amanda Conner

Also included in each mini series will be a back-up series, The Curse of the Crimson Corsair, by comics writing legend Len Wein, and art by original series colorist John Higgins–the only creative person from the original project involved in any way with this new one. I’m pretty sure some or most of these mini series will be decent, hell…maybe even great. But that’s not the point—the point is that the original author sees Watchmen as a completed project, and just to satisfy the all mighty dollar, DC has chosen to ignore his wishes.  I can’t blame any of the participants for being involved in this new project; comics don’t pay that great and if this is successful, they are all in for a great deal of money. I’d say yes if I were them too. 


 

And yes…I also realize Alan Moore is being a bit of a hypocrite on this one, calling out DC for mining his work. Considering that Moore has spent the last decade of his career mining the works of famous 19th century authors, both with his League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Lost Girls books, it is the pot calling the kettle black a bit.  Nevertheless, those authors of those original works are long dead, and can’t give and opinion one way or the other; Moore is alive and has expressed his desire that they leave his work alone. Considering that Watchmen has sold more than two million copies and made a small fortune for DC, you’d think simply out of respect, DC EIC Dan Didio wouldn’t do this. When Paul Levitz was EIC of DC, he stopped any and all attempts at continuing Watchmen for 20+ years…and not out of  any love for Alan Moore mind you, as those two had plenty of bad blood between them; it was simply out of respect for the man who created their single most acclaimed graphic novel.

Since this project was announced, the other argument I’ve heard the most on the pro Before Watchmen side is that plenty of stories have been made over the decades for Superman, Batman, Spider-Man and the like, well beyond the original creator’s intentions. But ALL those creators knew they were creating characters for ongoing serialized magazines, while Watchmen was a complete work with a proper beginning, middle and end. It was not meant to go on forever.  While I agree that the world of Watchmen certainly is ripe for continuation, if the original creator doesn’t want it done, then it shouldn’t even be a question. 

 

Russell Crowe To Captain A Much Bigger Boat Than In Master & Commander

Darren Aronofsky’s next film, a big budget spectacle made out of the Biblical story of Noah and the flood, has started to take a little bit more shape this week. According to Deadline.com,  Aronofsky wants not only Russell Crowe as the titular Noah, but also Liam Neeson for another as yet unspecified part, although rumor has it that he will play some kind of villain (is there really a villain in the story of the Great Flood? I mean, aside from, ya know… God?) A few actors have been rumored for the part of Noah since this project was first announced, including both Christian Bale and Michael Fassbender, but both of those actors were booked for the next year or more solid. Noah is said to be going before the cameras by the summer of this year for a 2013 debut. Between this and Steven Spielberg’s Moses flick, it looks to be all about the Old Testament on the big screen next year. How long before Mel Gibson gets in on this? 

 

Evil Dead Remake Gains One, Loses One

The Evil Dead remake lost one cast member this past week, and gained another one. Actress Lily Collins (star of the upcoming Mirror Mirror and daughter of pop star Phil Collins) who was all set for the part of the female lead, had to drop out due to those pesky “scheduling conflicts.” Which probably really meant that she thought the movie was going to suck, and got a better part she could take instead. But while the production lost their female lead, they gained the part of the male lead in newcomer Shiloh Fernandez. The pretty boy actor was in last year’s Red Riding Hood, but before you fanboys get up have a coronary, he won’t be playing the part of Ash—the role Bruce Campbell made famous in the original films won’t even be in this remake. 

 

 

Back to the Future….The Musical? 

Lots of people, myself included, love to groan and moan about the fact that Hollywood is remake crazy lately. And while that’s true, there is really no place like Broadway when it comes to pushing product that is based on something else. Right now, nine out ten of the top grossing Broadway musicals are revivals of older shows , or musicals based off pre-existing material like Wicked and The Lion King. So..why not a Back to the Future musical? Writer and director Robert Zemeckis is in talks to bring his iconic 1985 film to Broadway. Zemeckis is in early discussion with co-writer Bob Gale and the film’s composer, Alan Silvestri, to adapt the film for stage. Despite all the negative reviews, Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark has been packing them in, so Broadway is no doubt eager for another spectacle musical based off a much beloved property. And you know what? I’d MUCH rather have a musical of Back to the Future than a Part IV or a remake. If this show saves us from either of those, then more power to ‘em I say. 

 

Colin Firth To Star In West Memphis 3 Biopic 

The sad, strange saga of the Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin and Jessie Misskelley – three teenagers from West Memphis Arkansas who have been labeled by the media as the “West Memphis Three”, has been a minor obsession of mine since I first rented a documentary film called Paradise Lost on VHS way back in 1996. Watching the film, I was outraged that such a gross miscarriage of justice could be carried out and three innocent boys could be sentenced to death for a crime they clearly did not commit. The crime in question was the  brutal 1993 murders of three little boys the local community labeled as “Satanic Ritual,” mostly due to Echol’s love of horror and heavy metal music, and not based on much else. Paradise Lost was followed by two sequels, and just this year Peter Jackson produced another documentary on the subject called West of Memphis. Thanks to the efforts of Jackson and others in the entertainment biz who fought their case, last August the WM3 were finally freed from prison, although they had to give a false admission of guilt to do so. I know, it doesn’t make a lick of sense to me either. But the admission of guilt prevents the WM3 from suing the state of Arkansas for every penny it has for taking eighteen years of their lives from them. 

Now Hollywood is producing a fictionalized version of the case called The Devil’s Knot, directed by acclaimed Canadian director Atom Egoyan. Oscar winner Colin Firth has just signed on to star as Ron Lax, the private investigator whose detective work helped get the WM3 released from prison last year. The judge freed the men based in large part on evidence that Lax found. On top of that, Lax found DNA evidence that linked the stepfather of one of the murdered boys to material that was used to bind one of the victims. According to the producers, the movie “is not about how they got out of prison, It’s about how they got in.” The film will be told through Lax’s eyes as well as through the eyes of Pam Hobbs, whose son, Steven Branch, was one of the victims. Ultimately, Lax found DNA evidence linking Hobbs’ husband Terry  to the crime scene. Terry Hobbs remains free, but If this movie helps put his ass behind bars, then it will have done its job as far as I’m concerned. 

 

 


 

 

Top 10 Worst Actors-Turned-Musicians

by Noel Nocciolo

When I first heard Scarlett Johansson’s debut album, “Anywhere I Lay My Head”, it got me thinking about how many other actors there were out there who made records. Well, there were a lot. So, I trudged through quite a few to compile this list for you. These are the worst of the worst. The repeat offenders. These songs make you wonder what the hell is going on in the recording industry, and then realize that it’s full of a lot of people who take themselves, and their singing abilities, far too seriously. Feel free to thank me later. (Seriously, this was a painful undertaking – let’s talk musical bullets…)

#10. Milla Jovovich – She lands in spot #10 on this list because her voice isn’t terrible. In fact, at some notes it can be almost pretty. However her music for the most part is an almost comical Ukranian pop. Now, I certainly understand this given her roots; but it doesn’t make for compelling music outside of her home country. Another aspect of her musical talents that is almost comical is the music video for her lone single “Gentlemen Who Fell”. The expression she makes at some points in the video made me laugh like a mad woman…her eyes almost bulge from her face, Total Recall style. And what’s with the grim reaper character? Milla is a beautiful, talented woman…she’s just not a musician.

 

 

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eSCFAxxCO7Q 

#9. Russell Crowe – Yes, Russell Crowe is in a band, well was…errr….is? The actor’s most recent band is The Ordinary Fear of God; however back in the 90’s he was the front-man for 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. However sultry and smooth Crowe’s voice may be on screen, it doesn’t translate that well to music. He isn’t able to hit a lot of notes, and the ones he does hit he can’t actually hold for any length of time. It’s a good thing that almost nobody heard his music, otherwise it might have tainted his career!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lIwKkF50tMc&feature=related


#8. Bruce Willis – Willis released three albums during his career, the first two were in the 80’s and the latest, “Classic Bruce Willis” in 2001. For some reason, as bad as his albums were, I feel inclined to not give Willis too much hell about it. Here’s why:

He seems like a pretty stand up guy in personal matters of his life. Let’s take for example his divorce from Demi Moore. The pair never fought in public and have acted like adults and friends throughout the entire ordeal. Also, Willis’ career is the stuff that dreams are made of. And finally, he’s managed to stay alive and important in Hollywood since 1980…that is a very remarkable feat to accomplish in an extremely fickle business. Now, don’t get me wrong, the man is not a singer (please, please never buy his music) and his albums are absolutely terrible – but he didn’t sell himself out as much as let’s say… Hasselhoff.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=C8mL_QM6jEU&feature=related

#7. Jennifer Love Hewitt – She broke out into the music scene around the same time that she started garnering moderate successes within her acting career…and her music is bad enough to be on this list. For some reason she made it big in Asia, so record companies let her continue to put out music; needless to say, she didn’t have too much commercial success in the US. She is talented enough to help write her own music, but it’s so damn syrupy-sweet and sugar-coated that it makes you want to gag and leaves you grasping for water. Her voice rubs me the same way. I feel as though I could get diabetes from listening to more than one song. I know a lot of people with diabetes and I don’t want to get that from a song.

And she, like the other women on this list, runs the risk of appearing to be selling not only her vocals, but her body as well. Alas, little Jenn Love’s musical pitfalls haven’t hurt her career in the least; as she continues to grace the covers of men’s magazines flaunted as a sex-symbol and has managed to stay afloat with an acting career that, while not Oscar worthy, is quite consistent.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IiNRBijQ2XU

#6. Jennifer Lopez – It is a fact that JLo can dance and sometimes she can even act; but what she cannot do is sing. The diva’s songs fall terribly short when she doesn’t have someone like Nas or P. Diddy to help her through and it seems as though she can only hit one note. Thanks to a large budget and friends in good places, her beats aren’t too awful, but the writing is ridiculous:

“I stay grounded as the amounts roll in…I’m down to Earth like this…”

I somehow think most of America might disagree. She sings these lines while wearing nothing but high heels, red lipstick and a fur coat. Her songs constantly speak of how she came from humble beginnings to finally make it big in the business, but let’s all be serious…she hasn’t been “Jenny From The Block” in a long long time, so who exactly is she trying to convince? Her music videos beg one question- what exactly is she trying to put on the market? I get the feeling that it’s not her vocal stylings….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iyZr0xBUR_E

#5. Keanu Reeves – Given that the actor has only one look (and it’s nowhere near as good as Blue Steel) what could we really ever expect from his band? Dogstar released their first album in 1996, shortly after Reeves’ film success with Speed. The band was never really commercially successful and it’s really no surprise at all. They tried to play on the grunge/ alternative rock movement that was making waves in the 90’s…but with some odd cover songs plucked from previous decades. The vocalist cannot sing…he sounds as though he is in pain when trying to do so, and the songs are boring and bland. I realize that even movie stars need to have hobbies, but why do we have to be subjected to them?

Link: No one should have to look at (or listen to) Keanu any more than necessary.

#4. Scarlett Johansson – You would think that it would be enough for one person to be both Woody Allen’s “muse” and one of the most beautiful women on the planet…not for Scarlett Johansson; she had to record an album too! I really wanted to like her record, and I swear I tried to do so, but it just wasn’t going to happen. So not only did Scarlett give herself the difficult task of recording said album, she decided that the material was going to be solely Tom Waits cover songs. This is really where she went wrong. Her voice, though smoky and sexy on screen, isn’t nearly complex enough on this album…instead it falls abruptly flat. She never came close to rekindling the fire that Waits had, even though it sounds like she really tried to. The whole thing sounds like something anyone could whip up with Garage Band – this album does not sound like a major label debut.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_27vvvStXI

#3. Steven Seagal – Ok, really. How the hell did Seagal get a record contract? Who is seeing his movies and listening to his music? I don’t get it. Where does someone get the idea that Seagal should even record an album in the first place? The “singer”, and I use that term very loosely here, struggles heavily through the vocals on both records released: “Mojo Priest” and “Songs From The Crystal Cave”- album titles that sound more like awful movies that he starred in. Seagal is heavily backed with decent musicians, so if you do decide to listen to his music, please don’t confuse the two. The worst part about the whole endeavor is that he seems to take himself seriously…trying to play guitar and sing…which seems to just be too big a feat for him to tackle – and this time he doesn’t have his stunt double.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7Qw5bKTBQE4

#2. Joe Pesci – Ok, Who didn’t love “My Cousin Vinny”? Really…classic movie. However, it seems that Joe Pesci just couldn’t let it go. About six years after “Vinny” premiered, Pesci recorded one of the worst albums ever, “Vincent Laguardia Gambini Sings Just For You”, a stereotypical and cliche homage to his character in the film. For some inane reason every song on the disc is explicit (Did they really think cursing would add something to this record?). It’s hard not to laugh as Pesci basically talks his way through the entirety, spouting nonsense such as

“I’m a wiseguy…

[insert Mr. Rogers theme song melody]

lovely day in the neighborhood

lovely day in the neighborhood

for a drive by”.

Not only can Pesci not sing…nor does he really even attempt to, but I sincerely hope that whoever wrote the lyrics for this record has never worked since. This album has no redeeming qualities and it makes you sit back and wonder how hard it really is to get a record deal with Sony.

Shortened-edited version of a song…this is really all anyone should ever have to sit through. It’s so bad, you have to watch it…maybe that’s its appeal…hmmm….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=TTKGO20nxNs

#1. David Hasselhoff- Yes, Germans know beer and yes, they know cars…but what they don’t have a clue about is music – apparently. Enter David Hasselhoff – huge in Germany, ridiculed in every other western country. This guy has recorded more albums that I originally thought, and I knew he had at least a few under his belt. Hasselhoff was clearly not meant to be a singer. He shifts between a pseudo sexy whisper and a wailing cry more than KITT shifted gears. He’s mostly off key and sounds like he is taking his singing as seriously as he did his character on Baywatch. His songs all sound like they were recorded on an old Casio keyboard with crappy 90’s sound effects strewn throughout for good measure. Even more cheesy, however, are his music videos…check out “Hooked on a Feeling” for a strong belly laugh (it totally makes you understand his desire to drink). The only time I want to be watching David is when he is on his floor eating burgers and breaking promises 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8

There are a few actors who sing and don’t actually suck. Yes, there are exceptions to the general rule. Here are some honorable mentions:

Will Smith – I don’t think he deserves a Grammy or anything, but he can sing and his songs have good rhythm. He’s very pop meets safe hip-hop, but he still deserves the airplay he got. Unarguably, Smith is a better actor than musician, but the man seems to be able to do anything with at least some charisma.

She + Him- Zoey Deschanel’s indie rock project is actually good. Everyone who saw Elf knows the girl can sing, but this album proves she’s got a little more soul than other cookie cutter groups.

30 Seconds to Mars – I think I would have less of a problem with this band if Jared Leto had less of an ego – we can wish can’t we? But, in all honesty, their songs are decent and commercially viable. And it doesn’t hurt that Leto isn’t exactly ugly. They certainly don’t deserve to be on the other part of this list…yet.