I first met professional fighter Nate Quarry at ZomBCon 2010, when Nate was invited there to promote his new brand Zombie Cage Fighter. I was scheduled to host a panel with Nate about Zombie Cage Fighter and was told that he was a geek. After putting him in Google, I was convinved there was no way he was a geek.

A pro fighter since 2001, Nate has been many things over the years: a host, a public speaker, an athlete. He even had a zombie modeled after him in Left4Dead 2. But a geek? As we walked across the Seattle Center grounds to our conference room, I tried gauging just how big of a geek he was and whether or not ZCF was something he cared about or if he was just one in a long line of non-geeks looking to cash in on the zombie craze.

By the time we reached our conference room, I was not only convinced that Nate doesn’t do anything if he doesn’t care about it 100%, but also that, in many ways, he was a bigger geek than myself (and not just in physical size). Nate, Walton and I spent the rest of that weekend in Seattle hanging around the convention, talking zombies and becoming friends.

Tonight, Nate embarks on his latest endeavor, as one of the hosts of Spike TV’s MMA Uncensored Live, a live mixed martial arts news show featuring expert analysis, interviews, in-depth features, highlights, and an immersive social media experience. As busy as he is with the show’s premiere, Nate still took the time to talk to me a bit about the show, his path to where he is now, being a geek and Steven Seagal.

 

Nate, tell me about MMA Uncensored Live. Really, what kind of geek will watch this show?

My show is 3 guys sitting around talking about fighting. Take away the cameras and it’s basically the hardcore fans sitting around bs-ing about the upcoming fights and the state of MMA in general.

The geeks that watch this show are going to be the MMA geeks. Yes, I said it. The personality of an MMA geek is exactly the same as a comic geek. “When did Couture fight Belfort for the first time?” I have no idea but the MMA geek does. I just know Randy won. “Who wrote Hulk 181?” I have no idea but it was the first full appearance of Wolverine.

It’s the exact same personality, just the passion is different. Me, I love them both. I fell in love with comics because I needed heroes in my life. Then MMA showed me that you don’t have to be a victim. You can stand up for yourself and maybe one day someone will look at you in the same way that people look at the comic heroes. They see a man doing amazing things and it raises their own understanding of what’s possible for a human being.

What’s the most exciting aspect of being a part of it?

The most exciting part is that it’s live! One screw up and it’s online forever. I have to learn who fought who in what show. Stuff I’m not good at… How long ’til I screw up? Probably within 2 minutes of the first show.

Nate Quarry, Craig Carton and Mike Straka – The Cast of Spike’s MMA Uncensored Live

You’re a hardcore geek. I’m one of those geeks that’s pretty skeptical of people who call themselves geeks but you proved it almost right off the bat when you stumped me on some quote you said as we were crossing the street in Seattle. Do you remember what it was?

I don’t remember but I’m sure it was something awesome. From The Big Lebowski to Star Wars, I know them all. (Pretty sure it was Big Lebowski).

Also, is the replica Thor hammer still in your attic or have you brought it down where it belongs, in the living room, for everyone to see?

Haven’t brought The Hammer down yet.

Is that the geekiest thing you own?

I have much geek paraphernalia. From the life size Thor hammer to the Factory X Captain America shield. A crappy copy of X-Men #1 GDC graded. A nearly complete collection of The Incredible Hulk. No, I don’t have the first six issues. If you really want to know the geekiest thing I have I’d have to say a magazine. Not my nearly complete collection of original Star Wars action figures with their accessories. A magazine that lists every possible original Star Wars action figures that I have gone through, in my adult years, and X-ed out every figure and the accessory that I have and circled the ones I don’t have. Some day I will complete the collection and have it on display. But not ’til I’m in a serious relationship… I don’t need to scare her off before she’s committed.

Valve made you a zombie in Left 4 Dead 2. How did that even come about?

I’m friends with one of the owners, Ken Birdwell, and when I wasn’t put in the first UFC game he said he’d put me in his game as a zombie. Pretty damn cool, I must say.

What were you a fan of growing up? Specific comics? Movies? Shows? Games? What were the top things?

Comics were my passion. I read the Donald Duck ones as a kid but when I was 13 that’s when I discovered the X-Men. Every day I’d stop by 7-11 on my way home from school and look at the comics. One day they had a new book, X-Factor. But it was a whopping $1.25! I couldn’t afford that, so I hid it in a Pee Chee folder and every day I stop by to make sure it was still there.

Finally, after several weeks, I had saved up the money and was able to buy it. I ran home and I still remember laying on the carpet in my room reading it. The story just blew me away. I was hooked from then on.

Star Wars was my favorite of all time. My action figures were my friends and I’d pretend I was there interacting with them going on adventures. I didn’t have many friends being raised a Jehovah’s Witness. I wasn’t allowed to have kids from school over so I spent most of my childhood alone in my own dreamland. I could escape into the science fiction world.

I bought the first NES with my strawberry picking money. It was $120 and I went halfsies on it with my brother. I think I was 12 and he was 21. I had to loan him the $60 which took him about 9 months to pay me back. Even as a kid I was the driving force in my family with my work ethic. When I bought The Legend of Zelda with its gold case, you knew it was something special. I bought it on a Friday and I figured over the next three days I played about 22 hours. I was obsessed. I wasn’t allowed to play sports so this is where I could try to accomplish something. Super Mario Bros still has to be one of the greatest games of all time. I just downloaded it on my Wii. To warp or not to warp? That is the question…

You told me a story about a guy you ran into years later who used to pick on you in school. He was now claiming he was always your friend. Am I remembering this story right? How did it go?

He came up to me in a bar and we were bs-ing about things. This was a couple years after I had started fighting. And he knew it. He started to annoy me, nothing in particular, just being a dick. I had a buddy sitting there listening to our conversation. I look at this guy and say, “You know what? I seem to recall you gave me a pretty hard time when we were kids.” He says, “Uh… no I didn’t. That wasn’t me…” Me as I look him straight in the eye, “No. That was you and I don’t think I cared for it.” To this he just about whimpers/screams “That wasn’t me!” and is gone like a shot to the other end of the bar. I wasn’t going to hurt him. But that’s not what bullies necessarily do. They try to belittle you and take away your self respect. It was nice to turn the tables on him.

Were you picked on in school? Was it for being a geek or geek things?

It was for me being a nerd.

Did that lead you to what you’re doing now or play a part?

I was raised in a cult who wasn’t allowed to do sports. I couldn’t participate in any holiday celebrations nor could I go to kids parties or anything like that. It didn’t help that I was bone skinny with clothes bought at garage sales with big thick glasses and hair parted down the middle. When I started fighting it was me taking control of my life and building my self esteem by standing up for myself and not playing the role of a victim.

What advice would you give someone who’s possibly getting picked on in school? What do you wish you had known back then?

That school is in reality a tiny part of your life. Whatever you enjoy doing there are millions of others that like the same thing. Find those groups whether they be local or online.

Someone can’t belittle you unless you give them that power. The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference. I remember a girl coming up to me out of no where and saying, “I don’t like you.” At the time it bothered me because I didn’t have self confidence. If she came up to me now I just wouldn’t care. Who I am isn’t dictated on other people’s opinions of me. I am who I am and if you don’t like it you can go <bleep> yourself. If you do like who I am, cool.

Whether you’re gay, a nerd, a geek, whatever your flavor is, believe in yourself. Because if you don’t, no one will. There’s enough people in the world that will try to tear you down you don’t need to help them.


Let’s talk about Zombie Cage Fighter. I thought you were nuts the first time I saw you in makeup, but like when you saw Super Action Man this past summer at San Diego, it was proof that we’re going all in as creators.

That’s funny because when I saw you as Super Action Man I thought YOU were nuts but for me being dressed as a zombie, well, that made perfect sense to me. It’s all about how far you’re willing to go to follow your dreams. For me it meant quitting my job of over ten years to become a full time fighter when the most I’d ever made was about $500 for a fight. I’d rather go all in then wonder what if on my death bed.

Where’d the idea for it come from?

I don’t know where the idea came from. It just made sense to me. How would you beat a zombie? It’s just a mechanical being that likes to bite. Break down the mechanism and beware the teeth.

How’s the brand building and what’s the goal of it? What kinds of things would you like ZCF to have a hand in? Comics? Movies? More merch?

ZCF right now is mostly shirts. I have my screenplay finished and have had an offer from Hollywood to make the movie. It’s a solid story. But the offer was crap so I passed. Now I’m hoping to have an animated series on Spike. I may even launch the next phase at the SDCC this year. Have a full comic book to launch with Spike Tv’s first presence there. It’s all a rich tapestry.

What’s your beef with Steven Seagal, you know, besides the fact that he’s no Jean Claude Van Damme?

Everyone that I know that’s worked with him just says he’s a blowhard. And he proves it after fights where he runs to the camera to take credit for other people’s wins. And when someone doesn’t care who he is, like Jon Jones, after he fights, and WINS, Seagal is right there saying how bad Jones looked and how much he could help him.

Cool. You’re literally that great, come into my world. We’ll line you up a fight. Since you’re so good you should be able to walk through the competition. It’s just a fight after all. That’s what I love about this sport. Think you’re great? Then shut up and prove it. I’ve been in the game a long time and do certain things very well. But you’re not going to see me taking credit for helping a fighter or mocking a fighter for not doing what I do well and believe me, there have been opportunities for both.

I wish you’d let me post those before and after pictures from your nose being broken and it looked like you’d turned into Margaret Cho. This isn’t a question. I just want to see if you’d let me post those before and after photos.

We’ll see…

 

MMA Uncensored Live premieres tonight (Thursday the 23rd) at 11PM/10 Central on Spike TV. Check it out and maybe we’ll get a look at those horrifying photos one day!

When I first heard Scarlett Johansson’s debut album, “Anywhere I Lay My Head”, it got me thinking about how many other actors there were out there who made records. Well, there were a lot. So, I trudged through quite a few to compile this list for you. These are the worst of the worst. The repeat offenders. These songs make you wonder what the hell is going on in the recording industry, and then realize that it’s full of a lot of people who take themselves, and their singing abilities, far too seriously. Feel free to thank me later. (Seriously, this was a painful undertaking – let’s talk musical bullets…)

#10. Milla Jovovich – She lands in spot #10 on this list because her voice isn’t terrible. In fact, at some notes it can be almost pretty. However her music for the most part is an almost comical Ukranian pop. Now, I certainly understand this given her roots; but it doesn’t make for compelling music outside of her home country. Another aspect of her musical talents that is almost comical is the music video for her lone single “Gentlemen Who Fell”. The expression she makes at some points in the video made me laugh like a mad woman…her eyes almost bulge from her face, Total Recall style. And what’s with the grim reaper character? Milla is a beautiful, talented woman…she’s just not a musician.

 

 

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eSCFAxxCO7Q 

#9. Russell Crowe – Yes, Russell Crowe is in a band, well was…errr….is? The actor’s most recent band is The Ordinary Fear of God; however back in the 90’s he was the front-man for 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. However sultry and smooth Crowe’s voice may be on screen, it doesn’t translate that well to music. He isn’t able to hit a lot of notes, and the ones he does hit he can’t actually hold for any length of time. It’s a good thing that almost nobody heard his music, otherwise it might have tainted his career!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lIwKkF50tMc&feature=related


#8. Bruce Willis –
Willis released three albums during his career, the first two were in the 80’s and the latest, “Classic Bruce Willis” in 2001. For some reason, as bad as his albums were, I feel inclined to not give Willis too much hell about it. Here’s why:

He seems like a pretty stand up guy in personal matters of his life. Let’s take for example his divorce from Demi Moore. The pair never fought in public and have acted like adults and friends throughout the entire ordeal. Also, Willis’ career is the stuff that dreams are made of. And finally, he’s managed to stay alive and important in Hollywood since 1980…that is a very remarkable feat to accomplish in an extremely fickle business. Now, don’t get me wrong, the man is not a singer (please, please never buy his music) and his albums are absolutely terrible – but he didn’t sell himself out as much as let’s say… Hasselhoff.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=C8mL_QM6jEU&feature=related

#7. Jennifer Love Hewitt – She broke out into the music scene around the same time that she started garnering moderate successes within her acting career…and her music is bad enough to be on this list. For some reason she made it big in Asia, so record companies let her continue to put out music; needless to say, she didn’t have too much commercial success in the US. She is talented enough to help write her own music, but it’s so damn syrupy-sweet and sugar-coated that it makes you want to gag and leaves you grasping for water. Her voice rubs me the same way. I feel as though I could get diabetes from listening to more than one song. I know a lot of people with diabetes and I don’t want to get that from a song.

And she, like the other women on this list, runs the risk of appearing to be selling not only her vocals, but her body as well. Alas, little Jenn Love’s musical pitfalls haven’t hurt her career in the least; as she continues to grace the covers of men’s magazines flaunted as a sex-symbol and has managed to stay afloat with an acting career that, while not Oscar worthy, is quite consistent.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IiNRBijQ2XU

#6. Jennifer Lopez – It is a fact that JLo can dance and sometimes she can even act; but what she cannot do is sing. The diva’s songs fall terribly short when she doesn’t have someone like Nas or P. Diddy to help her through and it seems as though she can only hit one note. Thanks to a large budget and friends in good places, her beats aren’t too awful, but the writing is ridiculous:

I stay grounded as the amounts roll in…I’m down to Earth like this…

I somehow think most of America might disagree. She sings these lines while wearing nothing but high heels, red lipstick and a fur coat. Her songs constantly speak of how she came from humble beginnings to finally make it big in the business, but let’s all be serious…she hasn’t been “Jenny From The Block” in a long long time, so who exactly is she trying to convince? Her music videos beg one question- what exactly is she trying to put on the market? I get the feeling that it’s not her vocal stylings….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iyZr0xBUR_E

#5. Keanu Reeves – Given that the actor has only one look (and it’s nowhere near as good as Blue Steel) what could we really ever expect from his band? Dogstar released their first album in 1996, shortly after Reeves’ film success with Speed. The band was never really commercially successful and it’s really no surprise at all. They tried to play on the grunge/ alternative rock movement that was making waves in the 90’s…but with some odd cover songs plucked from previous decades. The vocalist cannot sing…he sounds as though he is in pain when trying to do so, and the songs are boring and bland. I realize that even movie stars need to have hobbies, but why do we have to be subjected to them?

Link: No one should have to look at (or listen to) Keanu any more than necessary.

#4. Scarlett Johansson – You would think that it would be enough for one person to be both Woody Allen’s “muse” and one of the most beautiful women on the planet…not for Scarlett Johansson; she had to record an album too! I really wanted to like her record, and I swear I tried to do so, but it just wasn’t going to happen. So not only did Scarlett give herself the difficult task of recording said album, she decided that the material was going to be solely Tom Waits cover songs. This is really where she went wrong. Her voice, though smoky and sexy on screen, isn’t nearly complex enough on this album…instead it falls abruptly flat. She never came close to rekindling the fire that Waits had, even though it sounds like she really tried to. The whole thing sounds like something anyone could whip up with Garage Band – this album does not sound like a major label debut.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_27vvvStXI

#3. Steven Seagal – Ok, really. How the hell did Seagal get a record contract? Who is seeing his movies and listening to his music? I don’t get it. Where does someone get the idea that Seagal should even record an album in the first place? The “singer”, and I use that term very loosely here, struggles heavily through the vocals on both records released: “Mojo Priest” and “Songs From The Crystal Cave”- album titles that sound more like awful movies that he starred in. Seagal is heavily backed with decent musicians, so if you do decide to listen to his music, please don’t confuse the two. The worst part about the whole endeavor is that he seems to take himself seriously…trying to play guitar and sing…which seems to just be too big a feat for him to tackle – and this time he doesn’t have his stunt double.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7Qw5bKTBQE4

#2. Joe Pesci – Ok, Who didn’t love “My Cousin Vinny”? Really…classic movie. However, it seems that Joe Pesci just couldn’t let it go. About six years after “Vinny” premiered, Pesci recorded one of the worst albums ever, “Vincent Laguardia Gambini Sings Just For You”, a stereotypical and cliche homage to his character in the film. For some inane reason every song on the disc is explicit (Did they really think cursing would add something to this record?). It’s hard not to laugh as Pesci basically talks his way through the entirety, spouting nonsense such as

“I’m a wiseguy…

[insert Mr. Rogers theme song melody]

lovely day in the neighborhood

lovely day in the neighborhood

for a drive by”.

Not only can Pesci not sing…nor does he really even attempt to, but I sincerely hope that whoever wrote the lyrics for this record has never worked since. This album has no redeeming qualities and it makes you sit back and wonder how hard it really is to get a record deal with Sony.

Shortened-edited version of a song…this is really all anyone should ever have to sit through. It’s so bad, you have to watch it…maybe that’s its appeal…hmmm….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=TTKGO20nxNs

#1. David Hasselhoff- Yes, Germans know beer and yes, they know cars…but what they don’t have a clue about is music – apparently. Enter David Hasselhoff – huge in Germany, ridiculed in every other western country. This guy has recorded more albums that I originally thought, and I knew he had at least a few under his belt. Hasselhoff was clearly not meant to be a singer. He shifts between a pseudo sexy whisper and a wailing cry more than KITT shifted gears. He’s mostly off key and sounds like he is taking his singing as seriously as he did his character on Baywatch. His songs all sound like they were recorded on an old Casio keyboard with crappy 90’s sound effects strewn throughout for good measure. Even more cheesy, however, are his music videos…check out “Hooked on a Feeling” for a strong belly laugh (it totally makes you understand his desire to drink). The only time I want to be watching David is when he is on his floor eating burgers and breaking promises 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8

There are a few actors who sing and don’t actually suck. Yes, there are exceptions to the general rule. Here are some honorable mentions:

Will Smith – I don’t think he deserves a Grammy or anything, but he can sing and his songs have good rhythm. He’s very pop meets safe hip-hop, but he still deserves the airplay he got. Unarguably, Smith is a better actor than musician, but the man seems to be able to do anything with at least some charisma.

She + Him- Zoey Deschanel’s indie rock project is actually good. Everyone who saw Elf knows the girl can sing, but this album proves she’s got a little more soul than other cookie cutter groups.

30 Seconds to Mars – I think I would have less of a problem with this band if Jared Leto had less of an ego – we can wish can’t we? But, in all honesty, their songs are decent and commercially viable. And it doesn’t hurt that Leto isn’t exactly ugly. They certainly don’t deserve to be on the other part of this list…yet.