With the recent addition of Mark Wahlberg to the cast of the fourth chapter in the Transformers franchise, we should probably start expecting more news to come from that film very soon. The first details to the film were revealed to TMZ [via BleedingCool] where the director talked about just where the next film would take place after Transformers: Dark Of The Moon. The director revealed:

“The movie is going to continue 4 years on from the attack on Chicago which was in the last movie. So it’s going still to have the same lineage but going in a full, new, different direction and it actually feels really natural how it is going in that direction.”

So, this definitely means they won’t really have to address Chicago too much being that it’s gone and over and the Decepticons (Come on…obviously they’re going to be in it) will have had time to regroup and plan out their attack. Fingers crossed that we’re going to be getting some of the cooler ‘cons that haven’t been used yet.

What started off as a rumor ended up becoming something real. Not too long ago it was rumored that Mark Wahlberg was up for the lead role in the next Transformers film but that rumor was quickly debunked by Michael Bay. Earlier this week, director Michael Bay thanked the internet for the rumor that Mark Wahlberg was up for the male lead in the film and now Bay’s official website had issued the following press release confirming that Mark Wahlberg has indeed joined the cast of Transformers 4!

HOLLYWOOD, CA (November 8, 2012) – After an exceptionally successful collaboration on the upcoming “Pain and Gain,” Michael Bay has cast Academy Award®-nominee Mark Wahlberg in the highly anticipated “TRANSFORMERS 4.” The film will hit theaters June 27th, 2014.

“Mark is awesome. We had a blast working on “Pain and Gain” and I’m so fired up to be back working with him. An actor of his caliber is the perfect guy to re-invigorate the franchise and carry on the Transformers’ legacy,” said Bay.

Bay will direct the next installment in the “TRANSFORMERS” series, which begins shooting next spring. From Paramount Pictures, a division of Viacom, Inc., in association with Hasbro, the film will be produced by Don Murphy & Tom DeSanto, Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Ian Bryce, and executive produced by Steven Spielberg, Bay, Brian Goldner and Mark Vahradian.

Bay’s first “TRANSFORMERS” film was a box office sensation in 2007, opening at #1 and earning more than $700 million worldwide. His second installment “TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN” in 2009 grossed more than $830 million worldwide. In 2011, “TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON” was an even bigger hit worldwide, grossing more than a billion dollars to become the 5th highest grossing film of all time. To date, the franchise has earned more than $2.6 billion worldwide.

From acclaimed director Michael Bay comes “Pain and Gain,” a new action comedy starring Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson and Anthony Mackie. Based on the unbelievable true story of three personal trainers in 1990s Miami who, in pursuit of the American Dream, get caught up in a criminal enterprise that goes horribly wrong. Ed Harris, Tony Shalhoub, Rob Corddry, Rebel Wilson, and Bar Paly also star. The film is based on magazine articles by Pete Collins, with a screenplay by Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely and produced by Donald DeLine, Michael Bay and Ian Bryce.

“PAIN AND GAIN” opens in theaters everywhere April 26th, 2013.

Personally, I think Wahlberg is a fantastic actor and definitely a great addition to the next film. How about you guys?

Transformers 4 is set to transform and roll out on June 27th, 2014.

Source: MichaelBay.com

Not too long ago it was rumored that Mark Wahlberg would be joining the cast of the fourth Transformers movie. Word spread quickly but just as quick Michael Bay came out denied the speculation, saying it was for an entirely different film. Now it appears that Bay has actually changed his mind and we may just see Wahlberg rolling out with the Autobots after all.

“I squashed a rumor that was on the internet last week. It was about Mark Walhberg. Mark was rumored to be starring in Transformers 4. We are working on another movie together, not T4. I had such a great time working with Mark on Pain and Gain, and he gave such a great performance – well let’s say that very internet chatter gave me some ideas. We are at the inception of our story process right now on T4. Let’s say some ideas are gaining traction with me and my writer – so I’m here to say thanks internet chatter.”

Source: Michael Bay.com

Word is that Mark Wahlberg (Ted) may be “having early conversations” with Michael Bay that would set the actor to star in the next installment in the Transformers movie series. But besides that they don’t have too many details regarding the role minus that the story would “revolve around an adult star (the part being discussed with Wahlberg) and his teenage child.”

The idea would be that the child would then grow to be the focus of further entries in the series. Earlier this week there were two roles revealed for the film, one being a female high school student and the second being her race car driving boyfriend. Could this be the role that was mention? Guess we’ll find out soon with production set to begin on the film pretty soon. I actually don’t mind having an actor like Wahlberg on board with this film at all. He’s a fantastic actor and could really bring something fresh to the franchise. What may also help seal the deal is the fact that Wahlberg and Bay just finished working together on the body bulding flick Pain And Gain, but of course only time will tell as far as this one goes.

Source: Twitch

The quite popular Hugo Weaving, who voiced Megatron in all three of the Transformers, recently commented on the franchise in an interview. Well, let’s just say it wasn’t the most positive of comments. The actor stated the following:

“That’s a weird job for me because it honestly was a two-hour voice job, initially. I was doing a play and I actually didn’t have time, anyway. It was one of the only things I’ve ever done where I had no knowledge of it, I didn’t care about it, I didn’t think about it. They wanted me to do it. In one way, I regret that bit. I don’t regret doing it, but I very rarely do something if it’s meaningless. It was meaningless to me, honestly. I don’t mean that in any nasty way. I did it. It was a two-hour voice job, while I was doing other things.”

Earlier today Michael Bay chose to give a response. While Bay doesn’t name any names…it’s pretty obvious who it’s directed towards.

“Do you ever get sick of actors that make $15 million a picture, or even $200,000 for voiceover work that took a brisk one hour and 43 minutes to complete, and then complain about their jobs? With all the problems facing our world today, do these grumbling thespians really think people reading the news actually care about trivial complaints that their job wasn’t “artistic enough” or “fulfilling enough”? I guess The Hollywood Reporter thinks so.

What happened to people who had integrity, who did a job, got paid for their hard work, and just smiled afterward? Be happy you even have a job – let alone a job that pays you more than 98% of the people in America.

I have a wonderful idea for all those whiners: They can give their “unhappy job money” to a wonderful Elephant Rescue. It’s the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Africa. I will match the funds they donate.”

So, I am going to just go ahead and assume that we will not be getting Megatron as the villain in the next Transformers flick.

Source: MichaelBay.com

In 2010 it was reported that Rob Coihen, who produced the original The Monster Squad, was hoping to direct the planned remake. Cohen would be producing the film with Platinum Dunes partners Michael Bay, Bradley Fuller and Andrew Form.

Well, it appears now that the film has taken a bit of a kick to the “nards”. It seems that a script is written and everything is ready to go but Paramount won’t give Cohen and Bay the green light for the film. Cohen recently spoke to ComingSoon and revealed what was happening with the stalled project.

“[The original] is one of the best things I’ve ever produced and I wanted to direct [the remake]. It’s sitting at Paramount. It’s a great script. I’ve been kicking them. Michael Bay has been kicking them. They don’t roll over… I don’t understand it. I’m hoping that one day we just get a call that they’ve finally seen the light of day.”

Howver, Cohen is still quite optimistic about the film happening:

“It happens all the time. They get onto something and they go, ‘The biggest audience we can get is young males between 12 and 16. What do you have that’s for young males between 12 and 16?’ Somebody says, ”Monster Squad’! Let’s do it! Let’s do ‘Monster Squad’!’ It’s that crazy.”

While I am sure there are some die-hard fans that are entirely against this I can see it happening and working out. They did a great job with the remake of Fright Night, so why couldn’t they pull this one off? Gues we’re going to have to wait and see if this one will ever actually see the light of day.

It’s undeniable that the Transformers movies are fun as hell to watch. I’ve been a die-hard ‘former fan since I got my first toy back in the mid-80’s and I am one of the fans who does enjoy Micheal Bay’s films. Well, minus Revenge Of The Fallen which I pretty much have just blocked out from my mind.

And love them or hate them they have gone on to be some of the highest grossing films of all time so it’s a no brainer that we would see a fourth entry in the franchise. Michael Bay had stated that Dark Of The Moon was going to be his final time at bat with the Autobots and Decepticons but to many peoples surprise signed on to direct the currently untitled fourth film. He recently spoke on his reasons for returning to helm the fourth film with The Huffington Post.

“I thought I was done, then the ride came out and the two-and-a-half-hour lines. And then you’re thinking, ‘Oh my God, someone’s going to take this over?’ And you start doing a lot of soul-searching… I’m thinking that if I do this last one, we set it on a new footing and we change a lot of things, but we keep the history of the three in place. But we broaden it so it can be set up and be carried on — it would have a better chance for survival, I guess… The bottom line is, when you go to Universal Studios and you have the two-and-a-half-hour line, it’s hard to give it up. You birth a baby and you want to carry it on.”

After stating that this fourth chapter would “probably” (let’s just say right now that he will probably be back) be his last one, he also seemingly reveals that those previous rumors of a whole new start for the franchise may not be entirely true.

“We’re basically taking from the history of where it was, or where we left it in Chicago, and we’re going to carry it on from there.”

I’m actually glad that they’re not going the sort-of reboot route with this one and hope we get something bigger this time around and hopefully more screen time for some of the fan favorite Autobots. No more Megatron please. Who would you guys likes to see as the villain in the next ‘formers flick?

Today at the UBS Best Of Americas 2012 Conference Hasbro President Brian Goldner discussed plans for the fourth installment in the highly successful Transformers film franchise. Due to the drop in toy sales between movies due to recurring cast of robots Goldnew stated that “Transformers 4 will have a new cast of [robot] characters and it will be a story revolving around these new characters.”

While this doesn’t exactly mean that won’t be seeing the return of Optimus Prime and Bumblebee in the sequel to Transformers: Dark Of The Moon we should expect characters such as Ratchet and such to take the bench. What’s a Transformers movie without Optimus? Oh, wait they did that in the 80’s. Does this mean Sideswipe won’t be back and getting more screen time? Well, damn it. Could we finally see the Dinobots this time around? It has been rumored for quite some time now that they were trying to find a way to introduce the bots into the movies. Is there an Autobot or Decepticon that you would like to see introduced in the fourth installment in the film franchise?

Source: Bleeding Cool

Not too long ago it was announced that we would be would be getting a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Fans were excited until they saw Michael Bay’s name attached to it. However, since day one co-creator Kevin Eastman has been telling us not to worry about it, stating how much he was loving it and that he was on board. He even did an hour long Geekscape in which he allayed our fears.

Last June it was announced that the movie would be pushed back until May of 2014 thus leaving many wondering what was going on with it. Well, Eastman has given a bit of an update as to the reasoning behind the decision.

“Essentially they pushed it back for two reasons: One is the director, Jonathan Liebesman, wanted to make sure he could do the effects to the level he wants them at, and the fight scenes to the way they should be. Also, their release date is almost exactly on the 30th anniversary. May 5, 1984 is when the first Turtles comic came out. May 16, 2014, is almost exactly 30 years after. So basically it’s an anniversary movie now.”

“I tal”ked to [producer] Scott Mednick yesterday, and he’s seen the most recent 50 [script] pages and said it’s as good as the last version — they’ve really knocked it out of the park,” Eastman said. “I’ve seen a chunk of it, and it’s going to be a great movie, despite what everybody thinks.”

And apparently Eastman is busy working closely with Liebesman, Mednick and writers Josh Appelbaum and André Nemec.

“Doing sketches, drawings and character designs, bouncing stuff around with the writers, talking with the director and the producers — I’m actively involved.”

Source: CBR

Cine1 has just posted an image that they are claiming to be a provisional poster for ‘Transformers 4’.

Could this be fake and fan-made? Sure. It totally could be.

Wait…has this movie even started production? No? Then why the hell am I posting this? Because this site actually has been reliable in the past and with San Diego Comic-Con less than a month away. Why wouldn’t Paramount start advertising now? Especially when their movies come out a year after the dates they originally set. I kid I kid. Kind of.

Well anyway…here it is!

Honestly as great as some of those fan posters are…this kind of looks real. And even though its not that great i’m a huge Transformers fan in general so I love everything TF related….except ‘Revenge Of The Fallen’. One of the only movies I refuse to ever see a second time. But ‘Dark Of The Moon’ was great and fun. I’m definitely looking forward to a fourth film. More Sideswipe please?

For those who were looking forward to seeing the pizza loving turtles return to the big screen in 2013…I have bad news for you. THR is reporting that Paramount has decided to move the film back to 2014. This makes the third Paramount movie to get a massive delay.

Sources are claiming that the reason for the delay is due to the script which is being written by Kevin Eastman and Andre Nemec. Jonathan Liebesman (Wrath of the Titans) is set to direct and the movie is being produced by Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes. Could this be like GI Joe: Retaliation where there is more to the story than is being told? I mean…what could be wrong with a TMNT script written by well…the creator?

UPDATE: Deadline is reporting now that Paramount pushed production back 10 weeks in order to cut the budget down $10-20M to $125 million. Also, the new release date is going to be May 16th, 2014.

If you haven’t played ‘War For Cybertron’ by now you’re missing out on what is hands down the best ‘Transformers’ game out there. Well… High Moon Studios are back with their follow up ‘Fall Of Cybertron’ (Their ‘Dark Of The Moon’ game was so rushed and sloppy that I ignore its existence) and here’s a look at the epicly awesome Metroplex heeding the call of the last Prime!

‘Fall Of Cybertron’ transforms and rolls out on August 28, 2012.

The sci-fi genre (including science fiction, fantasy, and horror) has a long history of unofficial equal rights advocacy. As far back as the 18th and 19th century, sci-fi stories like Gulliver’s Travels and The Time Machine subtly touched on topics of racial intolerance and class disparity. The 1950s brought us The Twilight Zone, an anthology of morality plays, many of which dealt with racial injustice. In the 1960s, Star Trek repeatedly championed the civil rights movement, airing television’s first multiracial kiss and producing episodes like “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield”, a deft allegory of the consequences of racism. In the late 60s and 70s, George A. Romero put strong black characters in leading roles in his socially conscious zombie films.

A member of the noble race of aliens from "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield", seen here next to one of the dirty, inferior race.

So how is it that after two centuries of progressive, forward-thinking literature, racism has begun to pervade sci-fi? Since the turn of the millennium, there have been a few prominent examples of bald racism in the sci-fi world. These may be isolated incidents, but they do have one glaring common aspect: they were all defended by fans. Rather than a public consensus shaming the offenders into apology, which has become the protocol in these situations (see: Michael Richards), in each of these cases fans mounted a counter-argument denying any existence of racism. These have not been good arguments, but they have, like creation “science”, been enough to muddy the waters for those who don’t want to see the truth.

POD RACE WARS

In 1999, the lifetime of anticipation millions of Star Wars fans had built up waiting for Episode I finally ended. And it ended the way every lifetime does: with death. The pristene sense of wonder and joy that was born out of seeing Star Wars for the first time died that day. And out of its ashes grew a bitter cynicism from which society will not recover until the only ones left are the kids who saw the prequels first, carefree and ignorant without a frame of reference for what should have been.

I believe the children are our future. At least, I used to...

On a laundry list of complaints about The Phantom Menace, the use of racism as a storytelling device certainly takes priority. At least three different alien races in the film, in voice, dress, and manner, are indistinguishable from specific racial stereotypes. The Neimoidians, leaders of the Trade Federation, with their large-sleeved robes, bowing, and thick Asian “r” and “l” switching accents are clear corollaries for the Japanese. Watto, a hairy, big-nosed, money-obsessed junk dealer is an overt Semitic caricature. And then there’s Jar Jar Binks and the Gungans, with their definitive Porgy and Bess accents are obviously stand-ins for native Caribbeans. All of these characters are depictions of racial stereotypes, and all of them are bad. The Trade Federation are in league with the Sith, Watto is an unscrupulous slave owner, and Jar Jar is a rude, lazy fool.

"Meesa ashamed of reinforcing negative racial preconceptions."

Some fans refuse to believe these characters are the product of racism. These fans contend that the alien races are original compilations of traits, and racially sensitive people pick out specific traits they associate with races and extrapolate racism that isn’t there. But it isn’t just one trait; it’s the whole package. There’s a reason the Anti-Defamation League hasn’t ever voiced serious concerns about the anti-Semitic undertones of gold-hoarding dragons. Because that is extrapolating association from a single trait. That’s not what they do. No one came to Star Wars looking for racism. They saw it because it smacked them in the face.

There were several offensive characters in Phantom Menace, but this one wins by a nose.

Another common defense is simply to ask why Lucas would put in racist stereotypes. In other words, these fans are demanding the prosecution show motive. Well, the motive is simple and sad: lazy writing. A thoughtful, creative writer will spend time developing characters, but a lazy writer can import easily recognized stereotypes in place of unique characters. Essentially it’s like stealing a stock character from another work of fiction, only this time the fiction is the magical world that racists live in.

Compare the races of Episode I with those of the Lord of the Rings series. J.R.R. Tolkien practically invented what we think of as elves and dwarves not by recontextualizing pre-existing stereotypes but by creating a world and considering how that world’s history and landscape would affect how societies developed. Each race has a specific set of culturally inherent traits, but even if they share any history with or bear any resemblance to real peoples, they don’t stick out as identical with persistent stereotypes. And Tolkien was part of the tradition of promoting racial unity as Gimli the dwarf found friendship with elf Legolas. Of course their common ground was the hunting and killing of a third race, but hey, Orcs are jerks. Even Dr. King said we could judge people by the content of their character.

The ACLU isn't goin' anywhere near this one.

You don’t even have to leave the Star Wars universe to find an example of well-done race introduction. A New Hope‘s Mos Eisley Cantina is full of many different alien races, all distinct and imaginative variations on basic animal features. Their manner and clothing tell us immediately that these creatures are sentient despite reminding no one in any way of any human race or even the human race.

Scum? Sure. Villainy? You bet. Stereotypes? No.

The “shorthand” of racial stereotypes is unnecessary to convey an individual’s personality or even the cultural identity of a recently introduced alien race; good storytellers are able to give us this information through good writing. Lucas clearly used to be a good storyteller, but he got old, tired, and lazy.

REVENGE OF THE APPALLIN’

About a decade after Episode I, sci-fi race relations suffered a very similar setback with episode 2 of the Transformers franchise. We’ll just call Jazz’s breakdancing in the first Transformers a misguided homage. But he was replaced in the second film by the duo of Mudflap and Skids, robots that used rap slang and sounded “street”- one of them even had a gold tooth (I’m not sure which one- the movie Transformers all look alike to me). Once again, we’re talking about lazy writers using offensive stereotypes in place of original characters, but this goes even further. These obvious black analogues are rude, gross, craven, and even, despite presumably having advanced alien CPUs for brains, illiterate. And even this was not universally acknowledged as racism.

Robo-jangles of Cybertron

The defense here was similar to that of The Phantom Menace. Fans who jumped to the film’s defense said, “They’re not black men, they’re robots! They’re not even black robots! How can it be racist?” But racism is more than meets the eye. It doesn’t have to be a black man to be a depiction of a black man. Amos ‘N’ Andy were two white guys in minstrel makeup. The caricature already exists in our culture and can be depicted via cartoon bird, CG robot, cave etching- it’s still making fun of black people.

Note: THIS is blackface. That Billy Crystal Oscars thing was simply using makeup to enhance an unfunny, outdated impersonation. Completely different thing.

FAN BLACKLASH

So are fans racist? Well, yes and no. Obviously there’s nothing inherently racist in sci-fi to promote extra intolerance, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some fans who bring their racism with them. You might think sci-fi’s myriad fables against discrimination would discourage ethnocentrists’ interest, but even in their religions people hear what they want to hear. Sci-fi’s biggest deterrent to racism is its innate intelligence; the often complex rules and sophisticated storylines of new universes tend to naturally repel those of lower intelligence, whom studies have shown are more likely to hold racist beliefs. So sci-fi fandom probably has a slightly lower proportion of racists than the rest of society, but they are there.

Unfortunately, in the Venn diagram of society, the circles of racial intolerance and genre enthusiasm do have some overlap. Two recent examples made me ashamed of my people. The first is the rejection of a black Spider-man. When Sony announced in 2010 that it would reboot the Spidey franchise with a new Peter Parker, a sharp-eyed fan suggested writer/actor Donald Glover for the role. Glover is a smart, funny young actor with a slim, muscular build; he would have been a strong choice for the iconic character. As an excited fan himself, Glover retweeted the idea, causing a flurry of Internet excitement. But not all of the buzz was positive. Hundreds of fans denounced the idea, saying they would never see a movie with a black Spider-man.

Fear of a Black Daily Planet. What? It's Bugle? Crap. That was such a good joke. OK, how about "Parker Brother"?

Some argue that this was not a racially motivated disgust. They argue that die hard fans’ ire is notoriously easy to provoke by adaptations straying from the source material, and that’s a fair point. Fans were also annoyed that John Constantine was played by a brunette American instead of a blond Brit. However, those that tweeted death threats and epithets at Glover were not pre-occupied with comic accuracy, but were clearly a different kind of purist altogether.

The more recent example is also in casting, but this one isn’t merely hypothetical. The Hunger Games movie adaptation broke box office records, but a vocal minority soured the occasion. These readers apparently missed the indication to beloved character Rue’s dark skin in the book and were shocked and disgusted by the decision to cast a young black actress. Naturally, these fans vehemently denied that their outcry was in any way racist. All they said was that they couldn’t see a little black girl as innocent or be upset when a little black girl’s life was in peril, because she’s black. Nothing racist about that.

Where's Kanga, am I right? But no, in all seriousness, this totally made me cry like a baby.

For the most part, I don’t think all that many sci-fi fans out there are racist. The Hunger Games and Spider-man franchises have much larger audiences than most genre works, and a bigger crowd always means a bigger, louder fringe. I don’t even think those who denied the racist elements of Star Wars Episode I and Transformers 2 are themselves racist. I just think they’re in denial. they’re choosing to believe that the things they love so much could not possibly be so flawed. They’re like abused housewives attacking the cops who are trying to protect them. The reality is just too hard to face.

But we have to face it if we are going to move forward. Sweeping this under the rug is not acceptable. The only way we will ever remove racism from sci-fi in specific and society in general is to stop denying that it exists. The first step in recovery is admitting that you have a problem. And right now we do.

If you’d have told me at age 10 that Kevin Eastman would be hanging out in my living room talking to me about co-creating the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, my head would have exploded! And you know what? It’s just as fantastic today! Kevin emailed me last week about coming on the show and we get right to business, talking about his upcoming Heritage Auction of original Ninja Turtles items, the new TMNT series from IDW, creating the Turtles, the Michael Bay controversy and his return to making comics! We also talk about his ownership and publication of Heavy Metal magazine, the different interpretations of TMNT over the years and why he really disliked the 2nd Ninja Turtles movie! This is a pretty awesome interview that is definitely going to be a favorite if you’re a Ninja Turtles fan or not! Cowabunga!

Find it on iTunes

Look everyone! A new reason to hate Michael Bay! Yeah, and you thought that whole Ninja Turtles business was bad. But according to Bloodydisgusting.com, Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes studios, the studio behind semi-recent horror remakes like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Amityville Horror, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street is looking to handle the next installment of the Halloween franchise for Dimension Films.

But wait! Didn’t Rob Zombie remake Halloween already you might say? pffffttt. That is SO five years ago. True, Dimension Films had a Halloween 3D scheduled for this October, which was set to be directed by the team behind  My Bloody Valentine and Drive Angry, Todd Farmer and Patrick Lussier.  But that quietly dissolved recently, and Halloween 3D was pulled off the 2012 schedule. Now Dimension is said to be looking at Bay’s company to relaunch Michael Myers the way they relaunched Freddy and Jason and Leatherface.

The real question is whether or not this is going to be a continuation of the Rob Zombie Halloween series, as Halloween 3D was going to be, or be yet another reboot. I’d put money on the latter, as I’m sure Bay will want to put his own spin on this franchise and not just do a part three to someone else’s series. And before you even say “but five years is too soon to reboot!” I remind you that The Amazing Spider-Man is coming out only five years after the last Tobey Maguire installment; never underestimate the short attention spans of  the American public.

Honestly, I can’t even get riled up about this too much. Rob Zombie’s Halloween remake was already the polar opposite to John Carpenter’s classic film in almost every respect, whatever Bay ends up doing can only be as bad, but probably not worse. It’ll just serve as a reminder to everyone how brilliant the original was. Again.

This was an April Fools joke… but it will still probably happen one day exactly as written!

Sunbow Productions has officially announced their plans to work with Michael Bay on a live action Bucky O’Hare film. Bucky O’Hare was created in 1978 by Larry Harna and Michael Golden. The comic and TV series told of a parallel universe (the Aniverse) and a war between the United Animals Federation and the Toad Empire. However Michael Bay has a different idea:

“The Aliens that are talking earth animals is becoming a played out idea,” said the director/producer/explosion enthusiast. “What we’re thinking is that perhaps it’s possible that ordinary animals like toads, bunnies and duckies could be mutated by some type of toxic waste.”

How’s that for irony? Oh, Michael. You’ll never learn… What do you guys think?

My friend Leo (irony?) brought these images to my attention on his Facebook wall. They are the work of Dave Rapoza and the guy is seriously talented. Just check out his full lineup of TMNT characters in the below gallery.

Seriously, why isn’t this guy a part of the new film? With designs like these, presenting cartoonish characters taken seriously on a level that both adults and kids can appreciate, this would be a Hollywood adaptation that we’d actually want to see! If the filmmakers like the idea of aliens so much, can we get them seats on the next satellite launch off planet (permanently)?

Check these out and try arguing that these wouldn’t make a bad ass TMNT movie:

First they put nipples on the Batsuit, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Batman fan.

Then they reduced The Force to midichlorians, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Star Wars fan.

Now they’re coming for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I am speaking out. Shouting in fact. And I’m not alone.

In case you haven’t heard, Michael Bay recently announced that his 2013 reboot would redesign the Turtles’ origin as extraterrestrial. Instead of ordinary pets mutated with ooze, Bay’s Ninja Turtles will be aliens. From space. Turtle-shaped aliens.

As you might imagine, the blogosphere lit up like a mannequin covered in light bulbs at the news. Nerds all over the Internet gathered to bay at Bay, voicing their vitriol at the change to their beloved TMNT.

The anger was so widespread, in fact, that Michael Bay was forced to address it head-on with an official statement on his website:

Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.

Bay doesn’t understand why people are so upset when they haven’t even heard the full pitch of his changes. So I will explain it to him in a language he understands:

OOM-BAY!!

But seriously, the reason we aren’t happy is obvious. These are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If you are willing to change something as fundamental as a descriptor in the title, how can anything be safe?

This is the type of mercurial change thrown out by a suit that doesn’t get the importance of art in pop culture, that doesn’t see how committing to and enriching a story is better than tossing it out and using a new one. The decision was clearly made by someone who was not a fan of the Turtles, only of the money that can be made off their name.

Michael Bay doesn’t have any love for the Turtles; if he did, he wouldn’t be doing this. Besides, after the inglorious debacle that was the Transformers trilogy, how can we be expected to trust this guy with our favorite franchises?

Which face do YOU trust?

So why don’t you chill, Michael Bay. Because that’s what people do when they don’t care one way or the other. I’ll be over here with the nerds, worked up into a frenzy and telling anyone who will listen. Because I do care. Because it matters to me.

People often confuse nerd rage with Internet trolling, but the two couldn’t be more different. Trolls draw from a place of hate, a deep dark well of dissatisfaction that they can’t release in their public lives. They wait until they can hide in the high grass of the Internet and let their bile fly.

The Secret of the Ooze

Nerd rage, on the other hand, comes from a place of love. Our aggression is that of a mother protecting her child. We love things so much that we can’t stand to see them destroyed.

Because that’s what defines us nerds. Love. Forget all of the descriptions you’ve heard; we don’t need to be hyper-intelligent, socially awkward, or technologically inclined. Nerds are people who love something so much that they examine it obsessively in an effort to completely understand it, and thus to ultimately understand ourselves.

I love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I grew up watching the cartoon, collecting the action figures, playing the video games. I even played TMNT with my brother and some kids around the neighborhood. The Ninja Turtles gave me countless hours of pure childhood joy.

Michael Bay gave me racist robots.

Tyler Perry's Mudflap and Skids

Even if the Turtles aren’t your thing, if you’re a nerd like me, I guarantee something you love has been tampered with, tainted, or destroyed by non-nerds. The Rise of Cobra, the gentrification of The Last Airbender, whatever 2003’s The Cat in the Hat was supposed to be- something has been marred forever thanks to the tinkering of people who don’t love the characters the way you do.

Or maybe your favorite story is next.

If we don’t tell the Michael Bays of the world exactly how we feel every time, they will take our silence as implicit consent. And without a solid phalanx of dissent, the suits will interpret a mix of negative and positive comments, no matter how lopsided, as “indeterminate”. We have to band together under a common nerd banner and cry “NO” to Darth Vader crying “NO.”

We need to speak up for the Turtles, or they won’t be there to speak up for you. Because they’ll be on Ork or something.