Tag: Star Wars

Amos ‘N’ Anakin: Sci-Fi and Racism in the 21st Century

by Matt Blackwood

The sci-fi genre (including science fiction, fantasy, and horror) has a long history of unofficial equal rights advocacy. As far back as the 18th and 19th century, sci-fi stories like Gulliver’s Travels and The Time Machine subtly touched on topics of racial intolerance and class disparity. The 1950s brought us The Twilight Zone, an anthology of morality plays, many of which dealt with racial injustice. In the 1960s, Star Trek repeatedly championed the civil rights movement, airing television’s first multiracial kiss and producing episodes like “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield”, a deft allegory of the consequences of racism. In the late 60s and 70s, George A. Romero put strong black characters in leading roles in his socially conscious zombie films.

A member of the noble race of aliens from "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield", seen here next to one of the dirty, inferior race.

So how is it that after two centuries of progressive, forward-thinking literature, racism has begun to pervade sci-fi? Since the turn of the millennium, there have been a few prominent examples of bald racism in the sci-fi world. These may be isolated incidents, but they do have one glaring common aspect: they were all defended by fans. Rather than a public consensus shaming the offenders into apology, which has become the protocol in these situations (see: Michael Richards), in each of these cases fans mounted a counter-argument denying any existence of racism. These have not been good arguments, but they have, like creation “science”, been enough to muddy the waters for those who don’t want to see the truth.

POD RACE WARS

In 1999, the lifetime of anticipation millions of Star Wars fans had built up waiting for Episode I finally ended. And it ended the way every lifetime does: with death. The pristene sense of wonder and joy that was born out of seeing Star Wars for the first time died that day. And out of its ashes grew a bitter cynicism from which society will not recover until the only ones left are the kids who saw the prequels first, carefree and ignorant without a frame of reference for what should have been.

I believe the children are our future. At least, I used to...

On a laundry list of complaints about The Phantom Menace, the use of racism as a storytelling device certainly takes priority. At least three different alien races in the film, in voice, dress, and manner, are indistinguishable from specific racial stereotypes. The Neimoidians, leaders of the Trade Federation, with their large-sleeved robes, bowing, and thick Asian “r” and “l” switching accents are clear corollaries for the Japanese. Watto, a hairy, big-nosed, money-obsessed junk dealer is an overt Semitic caricature. And then there’s Jar Jar Binks and the Gungans, with their definitive Porgy and Bess accents are obviously stand-ins for native Caribbeans. All of these characters are depictions of racial stereotypes, and all of them are bad. The Trade Federation are in league with the Sith, Watto is an unscrupulous slave owner, and Jar Jar is a rude, lazy fool.

"Meesa ashamed of reinforcing negative racial preconceptions."

Some fans refuse to believe these characters are the product of racism. These fans contend that the alien races are original compilations of traits, and racially sensitive people pick out specific traits they associate with races and extrapolate racism that isn’t there. But it isn’t just one trait; it’s the whole package. There’s a reason the Anti-Defamation League hasn’t ever voiced serious concerns about the anti-Semitic undertones of gold-hoarding dragons. Because that is extrapolating association from a single trait. That’s not what they do. No one came to Star Wars looking for racism. They saw it because it smacked them in the face.

There were several offensive characters in Phantom Menace, but this one wins by a nose.

Another common defense is simply to ask why Lucas would put in racist stereotypes. In other words, these fans are demanding the prosecution show motive. Well, the motive is simple and sad: lazy writing. A thoughtful, creative writer will spend time developing characters, but a lazy writer can import easily recognized stereotypes in place of unique characters. Essentially it’s like stealing a stock character from another work of fiction, only this time the fiction is the magical world that racists live in.

Compare the races of Episode I with those of the Lord of the Rings series. J.R.R. Tolkien practically invented what we think of as elves and dwarves not by recontextualizing pre-existing stereotypes but by creating a world and considering how that world’s history and landscape would affect how societies developed. Each race has a specific set of culturally inherent traits, but even if they share any history with or bear any resemblance to real peoples, they don’t stick out as identical with persistent stereotypes. And Tolkien was part of the tradition of promoting racial unity as Gimli the dwarf found friendship with elf Legolas. Of course their common ground was the hunting and killing of a third race, but hey, Orcs are jerks. Even Dr. King said we could judge people by the content of their character.

The ACLU isn't goin' anywhere near this one.

You don’t even have to leave the Star Wars universe to find an example of well-done race introduction. A New Hope‘s Mos Eisley Cantina is full of many different alien races, all distinct and imaginative variations on basic animal features. Their manner and clothing tell us immediately that these creatures are sentient despite reminding no one in any way of any human race or even the human race.

Scum? Sure. Villainy? You bet. Stereotypes? No.

The “shorthand” of racial stereotypes is unnecessary to convey an individual’s personality or even the cultural identity of a recently introduced alien race; good storytellers are able to give us this information through good writing. Lucas clearly used to be a good storyteller, but he got old, tired, and lazy.

REVENGE OF THE APPALLIN’

About a decade after Episode I, sci-fi race relations suffered a very similar setback with episode 2 of the Transformers franchise. We’ll just call Jazz’s breakdancing in the first Transformers a misguided homage. But he was replaced in the second film by the duo of Mudflap and Skids, robots that used rap slang and sounded “street”- one of them even had a gold tooth (I’m not sure which one- the movie Transformers all look alike to me). Once again, we’re talking about lazy writers using offensive stereotypes in place of original characters, but this goes even further. These obvious black analogues are rude, gross, craven, and even, despite presumably having advanced alien CPUs for brains, illiterate. And even this was not universally acknowledged as racism.

Robo-jangles of Cybertron

The defense here was similar to that of The Phantom Menace. Fans who jumped to the film’s defense said, “They’re not black men, they’re robots! They’re not even black robots! How can it be racist?” But racism is more than meets the eye. It doesn’t have to be a black man to be a depiction of a black man. Amos ‘N’ Andy were two white guys in minstrel makeup. The caricature already exists in our culture and can be depicted via cartoon bird, CG robot, cave etching- it’s still making fun of black people.

Note: THIS is blackface. That Billy Crystal Oscars thing was simply using makeup to enhance an unfunny, outdated impersonation. Completely different thing.

FAN BLACKLASH

So are fans racist? Well, yes and no. Obviously there’s nothing inherently racist in sci-fi to promote extra intolerance, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some fans who bring their racism with them. You might think sci-fi’s myriad fables against discrimination would discourage ethnocentrists’ interest, but even in their religions people hear what they want to hear. Sci-fi’s biggest deterrent to racism is its innate intelligence; the often complex rules and sophisticated storylines of new universes tend to naturally repel those of lower intelligence, whom studies have shown are more likely to hold racist beliefs. So sci-fi fandom probably has a slightly lower proportion of racists than the rest of society, but they are there.

Unfortunately, in the Venn diagram of society, the circles of racial intolerance and genre enthusiasm do have some overlap. Two recent examples made me ashamed of my people. The first is the rejection of a black Spider-man. When Sony announced in 2010 that it would reboot the Spidey franchise with a new Peter Parker, a sharp-eyed fan suggested writer/actor Donald Glover for the role. Glover is a smart, funny young actor with a slim, muscular build; he would have been a strong choice for the iconic character. As an excited fan himself, Glover retweeted the idea, causing a flurry of Internet excitement. But not all of the buzz was positive. Hundreds of fans denounced the idea, saying they would never see a movie with a black Spider-man.

Fear of a Black Daily Planet. What? It's Bugle? Crap. That was such a good joke. OK, how about "Parker Brother"?

Some argue that this was not a racially motivated disgust. They argue that die hard fans’ ire is notoriously easy to provoke by adaptations straying from the source material, and that’s a fair point. Fans were also annoyed that John Constantine was played by a brunette American instead of a blond Brit. However, those that tweeted death threats and epithets at Glover were not pre-occupied with comic accuracy, but were clearly a different kind of purist altogether.

The more recent example is also in casting, but this one isn’t merely hypothetical. The Hunger Games movie adaptation broke box office records, but a vocal minority soured the occasion. These readers apparently missed the indication to beloved character Rue’s dark skin in the book and were shocked and disgusted by the decision to cast a young black actress. Naturally, these fans vehemently denied that their outcry was in any way racist. All they said was that they couldn’t see a little black girl as innocent or be upset when a little black girl’s life was in peril, because she’s black. Nothing racist about that.

Where's Kanga, am I right? But no, in all seriousness, this totally made me cry like a baby.

For the most part, I don’t think all that many sci-fi fans out there are racist. The Hunger Games and Spider-man franchises have much larger audiences than most genre works, and a bigger crowd always means a bigger, louder fringe. I don’t even think those who denied the racist elements of Star Wars Episode I and Transformers 2 are themselves racist. I just think they’re in denial. they’re choosing to believe that the things they love so much could not possibly be so flawed. They’re like abused housewives attacking the cops who are trying to protect them. The reality is just too hard to face.

But we have to face it if we are going to move forward. Sweeping this under the rug is not acceptable. The only way we will ever remove racism from sci-fi in specific and society in general is to stop denying that it exists. The first step in recovery is admitting that you have a problem. And right now we do.

Battlefront 3 Devs say Lucasarts refused to pay them, intentionally sabotaging the release!

by Shane O'Hare

Another story of companies messing with developers. Like our last story on the topic, it looks like Lucasarts is just as guilty as Ubisoft.

In writeup by EuroGamer, which reads like a scene out of Michael Clayton, Free Radical said the executives at Lucasarts purposely used delaying tactics to keep the studio from meeting certain deadlines, and then used those as grounds to refuse payment.

The devs say new executive at the time, Darrell Rodriguez, had a goal of killing Battlefront 3 without breaking contract.

This kind of business practice is ruining great studios and screwing gamers out of games that they ACTUALLY REALLY WANT TO BUY. We need to start taking a bigger stand when it comes to this bullshit.

Please, take some time and read the whole story, inform yourselves and lets keep this shit from happening.

Obiwan Kenobi Arrested And Charged For A Hit-And-Run?!

by Scott Alminiana

Saw this article on Yahoo and thought it was too good not to share. It would appear that some idiot, who legally changed his name to Obiwan Kenobi, was arrested and charged with a felony hit-and-run in Roseville, California. The charge came following an investigation by the Roseville PD that determined that Mr. Kenobi was the douche bag responsible for a  five-car accident that happened on March 19. The article sadly doesn’t say how it was that the police found their Obiwon, so I can only hope that it went something like this…

A long time ago ( like two months ago), in a place not too far, far away….the intergalactic police department of Roseville, CA found midichlorians  at the crime scene of a five hoovercraft pileup. Not having the proper equipment in their CSI crime lab, PD had no choice but to turn turn to George Lucas to help determine whom the midichlorians belonged to. Faster than he fucked up the prequels, George was able to determine that the midichlorians belonged to Obiwan Kenobi. But of course we all know that the real Obi-Wan died years ago aboard the Death Star and thus he was not the Obi-Wan Kenobi they were looking for. So, PD did the next obvious thing and looked in the phone book and wouldn’t you know it, they found their culprit. 

The 37-year old Obiwan was arrested on April 21 and was also wanted on an outstanding warrant for a misdemeanor petty theft. He was released from custody without bail on April 26, but was placed “on electronic monitoring” from the Placer County Jail, according to TSG. He is due to appear in court on April 30.

Kenobi as it turns out, was born Benjamin Cale Feit, and changed his name as part of a  radio station contest in 1999 that offered $1000 to the first listener to legally change their name to Obiwan Kenobi. Now being the geek that I am, I was curious just how much it actually costs to legally change your name and come to find out it’s not cheap. After what appears to be a some-what lengthy process it would cost at the very least $500 to change your name.  So Benji Feit spent at least $500 to become Obiwan Kenobi and earned himself $1000, which makes him an official idiot. I’m sorry but if I’m going to go through the hassle of changing my name, A: I’d better be getting more than $1000 for it and B: you can be damn sure that I would be sure to use the correct spelling of Obi-Wan!

This is the Obiwan Kenobi we're looking for

Brave Nerd World: Robots! Robots! Robots!

by Stephen Prescott

Is it a robot, an android, a cyborg, a mechanoid? Heidi and Stephen get to the bottom of this question while also discussing their favorite mechanoids from pop culture and their feelings on the impending Robo-Apocalypse.

Creepy humanoid robots:

http://www.geminoid.jp/en/mission.html
http://mashable.com/2011/03/04/lifelike-robot/
http://mforum.cari.com.my/viewthread.php?tid=635499

Subscribe to Brave Nerd World on iTunes.
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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 52:50 — 24.2MB)

Han Solo Dancing to Just The Way You Are: Star Wars Kinect Has killed Star Wars for Me for Good

by Shane O'Hare

I love Star Wars. I enjoy the prequels. I love the games. I love the universe that has been created around these movies, but today, today is the end for me. I officially HATE Star Wars. The memory of lying to my Mom, telling her I was at my friends house studying so I could go see Episode III in theaters, and getting caught and grounded is useless. After I saw what I am about to show you, the taste of hatred finally overtook the joy I had. Fuck Star Wars.

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS DOUCHEBAG?

I’m a DJ, I understand that its becoming really cool all of a sudden BUT FUCK THIS SO HARD! FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK!

Make a New Website For Us? Geekscape Pays in Legos!

by Jonathan

I’ve been feeling guilty about something for the past month or so… just about the amount of time that we’ve had this great new website. And now I’ve got to get it off my chest.

Confession: We paid for this website, all of our fantastic coder Paul’s hard work, in Legos.

That’s right. Legos. It’s not our fault. I tried to give him money. But when I asked Paul what he wanted for building the site, Paul, being the modest, sweet guy that he is,  just replied with “I just think it’ll be fun.” But then I caught him lamenting that his AT-AT toy was still back in the UK.

So we bought Paul a Lego Motorized At-At. And Paul, being the awesome, amazing guy that he is, made this sweet little stop-motion video clip in tribute to a job well done.

We love you, Paul. Next time, we’re paying you in Lincoln Logs and Playmobil.

Post in the comments below just how much you love Paul.

Michael Bay VS. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

by Matt Blackwood

First they put nipples on the Batsuit, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Batman fan.

Then they reduced The Force to midichlorians, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Star Wars fan.

Now they’re coming for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I am speaking out. Shouting in fact. And I’m not alone.

In case you haven’t heard, Michael Bay recently announced that his 2013 reboot would redesign the Turtles’ origin as extraterrestrial. Instead of ordinary pets mutated with ooze, Bay’s Ninja Turtles will be aliens. From space. Turtle-shaped aliens.

As you might imagine, the blogosphere lit up like a mannequin covered in light bulbs at the news. Nerds all over the Internet gathered to bay at Bay, voicing their vitriol at the change to their beloved TMNT.

The anger was so widespread, in fact, that Michael Bay was forced to address it head-on with an official statement on his website:

Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.

Bay doesn’t understand why people are so upset when they haven’t even heard the full pitch of his changes. So I will explain it to him in a language he understands:

OOM-BAY!!

But seriously, the reason we aren’t happy is obvious. These are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If you are willing to change something as fundamental as a descriptor in the title, how can anything be safe?

This is the type of mercurial change thrown out by a suit that doesn’t get the importance of art in pop culture, that doesn’t see how committing to and enriching a story is better than tossing it out and using a new one. The decision was clearly made by someone who was not a fan of the Turtles, only of the money that can be made off their name.

Michael Bay doesn’t have any love for the Turtles; if he did, he wouldn’t be doing this. Besides, after the inglorious debacle that was the Transformers trilogy, how can we be expected to trust this guy with our favorite franchises?

Which face do YOU trust?

So why don’t you chill, Michael Bay. Because that’s what people do when they don’t care one way or the other. I’ll be over here with the nerds, worked up into a frenzy and telling anyone who will listen. Because I do care. Because it matters to me.

People often confuse nerd rage with Internet trolling, but the two couldn’t be more different. Trolls draw from a place of hate, a deep dark well of dissatisfaction that they can’t release in their public lives. They wait until they can hide in the high grass of the Internet and let their bile fly.

The Secret of the Ooze

Nerd rage, on the other hand, comes from a place of love. Our aggression is that of a mother protecting her child. We love things so much that we can’t stand to see them destroyed.

Because that’s what defines us nerds. Love. Forget all of the descriptions you’ve heard; we don’t need to be hyper-intelligent, socially awkward, or technologically inclined. Nerds are people who love something so much that they examine it obsessively in an effort to completely understand it, and thus to ultimately understand ourselves.

I love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I grew up watching the cartoon, collecting the action figures, playing the video games. I even played TMNT with my brother and some kids around the neighborhood. The Ninja Turtles gave me countless hours of pure childhood joy.

Michael Bay gave me racist robots.

Tyler Perry's Mudflap and Skids

Even if the Turtles aren’t your thing, if you’re a nerd like me, I guarantee something you love has been tampered with, tainted, or destroyed by non-nerds. The Rise of Cobra, the gentrification of The Last Airbender, whatever 2003’s The Cat in the Hat was supposed to be- something has been marred forever thanks to the tinkering of people who don’t love the characters the way you do.

Or maybe your favorite story is next.

If we don’t tell the Michael Bays of the world exactly how we feel every time, they will take our silence as implicit consent. And without a solid phalanx of dissent, the suits will interpret a mix of negative and positive comments, no matter how lopsided, as “indeterminate”. We have to band together under a common nerd banner and cry “NO” to Darth Vader crying “NO.”

We need to speak up for the Turtles, or they won’t be there to speak up for you. Because they’ll be on Ork or something.

The Ultimate WonderCon 2012 Cosplay Round-Up!

by GeekscapeStaff

We had an awesome time at WonderCon 2012! But now it’s all over and reality has set back in.

Luckily, we still have our fond memories of the past weekend… and all of these amazing photos of the cosplayers we met at the Geekscape booth! From uncanny X-Men to beautiful Wonder Women, this year’s WonderCon cosplayers really went all out, creating every costume that a geek could ever want to see!

Our youngest (and most awesome) cosplayer!

Check out our amazing gallery below and see if you recognize a few!

Topher Grace Gives Star Wars Fans a New Hope and Re-Cuts The Prequels

by Matt Blackwood

If you’ve ever prayed to the geek gods for a Star Wars prequel that didn’t make you want to commit light-seppuku, get ready to say Grace.

When That 70s Show star Topher Grace decided he wanted to learn how to edit (presumably after watching Spider-Man 3), he decided to dive right into his dream project. He was going to do for real what fans everywhere have been doing with selective memory for the past 10 years: re-cut the Star Wars prequels.

Grace has cut The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith into ONE MASSIVE film telling the story of the life and “death” of Anakin Skywalker. And how much of the three films’ collective 7 hours of material made it into the supercut?

85 MINUTES! That’s right. According to neophyte editor Grace, only about 20% of Lucas’s vision was worth saving.

Vaguely racist aliens? Gone!

So what got left on the cutting room floor? According to folks who have seen the finished product, everything you’d expect. No podracing, Jake Lloyd, or “death sticks”. But, in an attempt to create a lean but cohesive narrative, Grace has also sacrificed a lot of the prequels’ great action sequences in order to focus on Anakin’s descent.

Jango Fett inherits the Windu- gone?

So when do fans get to see Episode 3.5: The Editor Strikes Back? Unfortunately, probably never. Less than a hundred people were handpicked by Grace to attend the screening, so no chance of a pirated copy, and Grace says he does not intend to release the cut online.

Unless we can get him to change his mind… Come, young Foreman. Give in to your anger over midichlorians. Think about Jar-Jar and let the hate flow through you. No? Oh well. So be it… editor.

Ralph McQuarrie, Lead Concept Artist For The Original Star Wars Trilogy, Dies At 82.

by Eric Diaz

It was announced on March 3rd, 2012 via facebook that legendary artist Ralph McQuarrie, best known for designing the look of the original Star Wars trilogy, has passed on at the age of 82.  There are no words to describe how instrumental McQuarrie was to the overall popularity of Star Wars. George Lucas may have come up with the names and places and ideas, but it was McQuarrie who gave them their unique visual signature. If Lucas was Stan Lee, then McQuarrie was Jack Kirby, bringing what were just silly words on paper to vibrant life with style.

Born in Indiana, McQuarrie moved to California in the 1960s. Originally he worked as a technical illustrator for Boeing, as well designing movie posters and animating the news coverage of the Apollo space program for CBS. Impressed with his work in all these fields, a young George Lucas approached him about creating illustrations based on his upcoming science fiction script. McQuarrie designed many of the characters, including Darth Vader, Chewbacca, and drew many concepts for the film’s sets. McQuarrie’s concept paintings, including such scenes as the droid duo R2 and 3PO arriving on Tatooine, helped convince 20th Century Fox to fund Star Wars. Ultimately, The looks for almost everything in the classic trilogy was conceived of by McQuarrie.

Besides the original Star Wars trilogy, McQuarrie also contributed to such legendary movies as Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Raiders of the Lost Ark, E.T., Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, and Jurassic Park. But it is for defining the Galaxy far, far away that McQuarrie will be remembered for most.

Ralph McQuarrie 1929-2012

Simon Pegg to play Dengar in Star Wars: Clone Wars

by Shane O'Hare

This Friday, Simon Pegg who is probably best known for his appearance on Geekscape #215, takes the role of Empire Strikes Back bounty hunter Dengar on Cartoon Networks Clone Wars.

The episode, “Bounty”, has Dengar teaming up with Boba Fett, Bossk and Ventress as they protect some precious loot on its way out of a planet.

From the press release over at Entertainment Weekly we learn that during the Clone Wars   Dengar received cybernetic enhancements and his odd choice of clothing is to hide them from others.

The Clone Wars continues to impress me. Growing from the crappy kid movie to the proper Star Wars fan series it is now, and the clip is giving me flashbacks to the Train Level in Shadows of The Empire.

If you are interested in more on the character Dengar, check out the first of the Bounty Hunter Wars novels. It’s a great read and the first few chapters tell us of Boba Fetts fate after being eaten by the Sarlacc

Why We’re Not Seeing Star Wars in 3D

by SaxCarr

by Sax Carr and Tim Powers AKA Fandom Planet

There’s a LOT of talk of late about why anyone should, or should not, go see the recent 3D re-releases of the Star Wars films. The argument goes something like this:

“I’m not going!  George Lucas RAPED my childhood!”

“…but… its Star Wars!”

Cute.

While we agree that the artistic merit of the prequels is questionable at best, that is NOT why we won’t be going to see the films in theaters over the next few months or years. We’re not going because the medium of the 3D movie is horrible, and 3D re-released films cheapen the movie industry. It sets a dangerous precedent of attaching a gimmick to a crappy film and re-packaging it to gullible consumers.  We’re not going, and you shouldn’t either. We’ll explain:

There have been more then enough complaints online about the recent Hollywood trend of almost exclusively remaking films. “Where is the creativity!??!” cries the Internet. Well, the reason this keeps happening is because people continue to SEE these remade films. In fact, a remake is an sure-fire favorite to make MORE money than a new property because name recognition means so much in this wildly over-saturated era. (The concept is that the more familiar the public is with a film’s premise or hero, the more likely people will see it and the less selling the studios will have to do to convince you to go.)  Hollywood is not invested in making new, artistically viable, movies as much as its into making MONEY. Remakes make money, and thus there are MORE of them. Simple.

Crappy, but simple.  This is why there have been THREE “Alvin & The Chipmunks” movies.

There is a pretty effective explanation in this amazing review of the ‘09 Star Trek by Red Letter Media:

So, a couple years back when the 3D craze was really taking off (again), which we blame mostly on the lack of magic shows in small towns, which means Americans were dying to see stupid film parlor tricks. “Watch me pull a rabbit out of my ass and then toss it slowly at the  camera.”

 Ta… fucking… DAH!

Somehow the 3D film moved from being a gimmick reserved almost exclusively for the 3rd movie in a series (Jaws 3?) into a MUST have for any movie that comes out. (Green Hornet) Really? 3D is a must have? What’s next Smell-O-Rama? Cinemascope? Personally, We credit this all to the Back To The Future supporting villain “3D Glasses Guy”.  Billy Zane, the actor who played the 3D Glasses Guy (editor’s note: the below photo obviously shows Billy Zane standing next to 3D Glasses Guy, not playin him… no one has heard of Puke Yellow Sweater Guy in front of him since though) was also “The Phantom” in that 90’s Blockbuster Dud.

In the back you’ll see the greatest villain in cinema…

We think 3D films do NOTHING for audiences. They add nothing to the film experience.  They don’t impress us. Plus, a fair amount of the population either can’t see modern 3D (because of eye issues, Tim Powers included), find them nauseating, or can’t afford the extra five or ten bucks attached to the ticket price. Very few films are truly benefited by 3D, including Avatar and a few others that we can think of. Sadly Avatar also sucks.

It requires pointing out that the gimmick of 3D films was a fad in the 1950’s and used to sell such stinkburgers as Gorilla at Large, Robot Monster, Fantastic Invasion of Planet Earth and this winner:

(In full disclosure, Tim loves “Robot Monster” but does not consider it great cinema.)

Sigh.  Back to the point.

In  the middle of making EVERY film 3D, the folks at Disney hit on the idea of re-releasing some of their popular films again in 3D. Predictably this led to a huge amazing WIN. (read:  “money”) Gen X folks, eager to connect with their children (for once) brought them out to see these films again, and suddenly it was a huge success. Now every studio is trying desperately to find their old films to push back out on us with a quick 3D retooling. THIS CAN NOT HAPPEN!

In the days before home video, Disney would re-release one of their “classic” animated films to theaters every few years so new generations could see Robin Hood or Sleeping Beauty but that practice is no longer necessary.  Although we would rather see the amazing animation in Dumbo than the cookie-cutter Tangled.

Our objection has  less to do with George Lucas and how much money he needs to bleed out of his eager and devoted fans. This is is not about the movies sucking, nor not living up to the original trilogy. That is an argument settled years ago.  This is about not allowing the most profitable thing in cinemas to be yesterday’s cinematic leftovers. Why, you ask?

BECAUSE THEY WILL DO IT!

If Hollywood can just rehash  old movies, especially before cast and such signed contracts that gave them a piece of the action, and put them back in theaters,  why would they take a risk on new movies? Why risk anything when say Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, Labyrinth, Howard The Duck, or Porky’s II can be put back on the screen in 3D or smell-a-vision or whatever. Hollywood is about managing risk. When we march like zombies into any theater with a picture of a light-saber on the door…  we’re giving them ammunition for the gun that kills new creative endeavors.

By the way… this is the same principle as when you click “like” on a video in the “Shit BLANK says to BLANK” format. You are making more of those videos happen. Why create new Internet sketches when that existing format is still marketable.

Shit nerds say to other nerds who are PART OF THE FUCKING PROBLEM!

We digress. And, sadly, We’re also part of the problem, too, sometimes.

We understand these movies had a deep and powerful impact on most of our childhoods, or at least we wanted them to. Many people live their lives to cosplay, explore, and enjoy Star Wars cannon. That doesn’t give you licence to simply walk into these traps for nostalgia sake. We get it:  you love Star Wars!  But if you just eat up whatever crap they feed you, then you make sure then next thing they create is also going to suck. Worse, and this again is the point of this article, if you just consume perpetual reworks of the other films, when will other movies like it be made again?

Get it? Star Wars for the next generation! HA! HA! HA!

New films, even if they are re-makes (and we’ll discuss that in a second), do a lot for our society. They contribute to our general artistic growth, and they give young actors, writers and directors a chance to break out as well as giving established talent some well needed work. The same goes for people on the other side of the camera.  New movies do better for more people than re-released films shoveled down our throat because we can’t let go. George Lucas does not need any more money. We promise.

(Note: We know the 3D engineers that re-master these films need work too, but trust me, there are other, NEW movies, going into 3D.)

Re-Makes work differently in our opinion, but mostly because we enjoy the story telling options available when we revisit the well worn territory of something we all know and love. By and large we support the trend to adapt or re-make intellectual properties because it’s no different, to us,  than having two different people tell you a famous fairy tale. The new author leads to new insight It’s a good thing. (Did you know “The Maltese Falcon” with Humphrey Bogart was the THIRD remake of that story?)  Of course there is a very broad line between the ‘09 Star Trek reboot and the upcoming movie Battleship. Still, we support remakes on principle.

 I’m from a GOOD remake! Also… I look like a date you had once!

A 3D re-release is not the same. Its being served the same film we had before. That does nothing to retell the story. 3D effects are not going to change our perception of the Star Wars universe. We will not be fed our childhood at an premium cost. Fuck that.

We are all way smarter than this. (We hope.  We know YOU are, right?)

Plus, and this is a minor point, we thought putting old films back in theaters was the job of the little 3rd run indy theaters we all know and love. This is another attack on the brick and mortar mom and pop shops in favor of giant multiplexes. We love those little theaters. They exist to show you the films that no multiplex would ever bother to show. They make a little money by putting the Princess Bride back up for a weekend. Lets not handicap that. Just say NO.

So in short, we are not going to see this film because cheapens film in general. We won’t see it because every dollar the film makes puts us in danger of a almost creatively devoid film market. Seeing this film contributes to cheating future generations or their own iconic films and instead keep repeating our own fandom forever. Of course we are supporters of Fandom, but everyone deserves their own. We aren’t going to see this movie. Neither should you.

This and all 3D re-releases are off our dance card.

And, as we discussed earlier, the movie sucks Wookie Balls.   

Geekscape 240: Scott Klopfenstein

by Jonathan

The first episode of the rebooted all audio Geekscape! Jonathan sits down with musician and geek Scott Klopfenstein to talk his experience in Reel Big Fish, being a dad, the music industry and what he’s been up to since leaving the band. Jonathan talks about the movies he liked this holiday and Scott plays a couple songs! Plus! An interruption from Danny Blaze and Q-Man?!?

Find it on iTunes

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:17:25 — 47.4MB)

How to Take a Punch in the Stomach: Gilmore Interviews Ray Park

by Gilmore

Ray Park is one of the most skilled martial artists in the entertainment industry today. Even with his British accent, his designer t-shirt, and his youthful enthusiasm about everything he does: most people know him as Darth Maul. For those of you who don’t know he was in a little movie called Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. He was arguably the best part of the movie. He was also Toad in the X-Men movie.


Most recently, though, he has been cast as the black ninja (and always the hardest toy to find in stores) known as Snake Eyes in the upcoming GI Joe live action movie. When I bring it up, he lights up like a kid who wore that toy’s joints out as much as you and I did:

One of the reasons I always wanted to play Snake Eyes is because I played as him when I was a kid. Star Wars fans and the fans I’ve met at conventions have said “You’d be the best Snake Eyes ever if they did a GI Joe movie!” So when I heard they were actually going to do it I did everything possible to try and get in a meeting or try and get an audition cause I wanted to do it for myself, I wanted to do it for the fans and I wanted to do it for my cousins and all my nephews and my kids. It’s great to be here and to be able to tell those stories.

So that was your favorite GI Joe character?

That and Storm Shadow, believe it or not. I actually liked Storm Shadow a lot because whenever you saw a ninja movie with a white ninja or a red ninja. He always looked different…and I like Snake Eyes because he was different as well. He was a commando. He reminded me of the British special forces – the SAS. That’s why I like that kind of stuff.

I’ve always been fascinated by anything special forces, you know? Anything that’s military, or warrior or…really just anything to do with weapons. Especially traditional weapons. I loved [them] as a kid.

When did you actually start actually playing with weapons? Well not “playing” with weapons, but training with them?

When I was 7. That was the first time I started to get into martial arts. And I got into martial arts purely because I saw Star Wars and I was blown away by the lightsabers and my dad introduced me to Bruce Lee and kung fu movies and I’m like, “I didn’t know it was all special effects”. I thought it was really real [at the time]. So I wanted to do what the guys were doing in the films, so I thought, “how am I going to do that?” – through martial arts. So that’s why I got into martial arts.

So you got into martial arts specifically to be in film.

Yeah.

Sweet.

Well I got into martial arts to do what the guys were doing in film and when I got to about 13 or 14, I realized – I want to be an Arnold Schwarzenegger, I want to be like Van Damme and Rocky. I want to be like Rambo.

Van Damme, eh? What’s your favorite Van Damme movie?

Actually, No Retreat, No Surrernder was my favorite one to see because he was a bad guy and that inspired me as a kid to train a lot and work a lot on my skills.

Fighting skills or acting skills?

On my martial arts skills. Acting? I really hadn’t even thought about acting school then. I just wanted to do my martial arts in movies. I had to do drama at school, but I never went to any special or specific acting school.

Just Martial Arts training, then. Nice. So did you ever get into any fights as a kid? Have you ever been in any actual fights?

Not really, I try and walk away from them. The more you do martial arts, the less you actually have to use it, which is great.

A lot of kids, like when I did karate when I was little (I stopped because i was too fat) are just into it because of the ass-kicking. I started doing karate at that age because of Kickboxer.

[excited] Oh yeah, actually! Bloodsport was one of my favorite movies as well!

Remember in Kickboxer when they get those sticky gloves and rub them in glass instead of using gloves for the last fight? How bad ass is that?

You know what I loved about Kickboxer? It was the guy who trained him in the forest. I always wanted that.

So, I did that with Daniel the other day [Daniel Logan – who was standing a few feet away from us. You might know him as young Boba Fett from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones]. He was in my trailer and I had the medicine ball. I was trying to teach him, because Daniel trains with me every now and then. I was trying to teach him how to breathe. I said “look, you can take a blow and you can take it well if you breathe properly.” So I got a medicine ball and at first he wasn’t gettin it and I said “look, you’ve got to just concentrate on your breathing.”

I said “throw it at me. Just do it.”

Then I started thinking about Kickboxer in that scene when that guy was up in the trees and he drops the coconut on him – and we [started] doing that the other day as conditioning. It was more about the breathing, rather than the actual ball hitting him in the stomach. I wanted to just teach him a little bit more about breathing for sport.

How do you breathe if you’re going to get hit in the stomach?

Well, hopefully you’ll know it’s coming [we both laugh]. But most of the time, you don’t really know it’s coming, so the best way to prepare for that is probably just to not get hit in the stomach.

That’s probably good advice, I think.

Yeah, just avoid it and don’t get into any situation where you know you’re going to get hit in the stomach. Or anywhere you think that might happen to you. At all [laughs]

What I always do when I think someone is going to hit me in the stomach is I flex. Is that right? Will that kill me?

You know, sometimes flexing can do more damage than good if you’re not breathing properly. If you push your stomach down and tighten it in – pull it in -[while] flexing at the same time, [then] there’s a lot of pulling and tugging that actually makes your stomach a lot harder. It also lowers your center of gravity. But you don’t need to know that, right?…

[both laugh]Oh yes, well, of course! So, growing up as a GI Joe fan – is this movie staying true? Will it make all the GI Joe fans who played with all the toys, read all the comics and watched the cartoons as kids (or full grown adults) happy?

Oh definitely. Yeah, definitely. You should be big time excited. I’m excited and I’m on set. The sets are unbelievable! The costumes, the wardrobe, the look is unbelievable and it’s such a nice, fun set to be on. I mean, I’m lucky – I’m playing Snake Eyes! I get to live out [the character] that I’ve been playing since I was a kid and now I get to actually be Snake Eyes! It’s just bizarre. I feel very lucky.

And you also got to wield the coolest lightsaber in the Star Wars universe.

I’m very very lucky. They’re all coming around. My childhood dreams. I’m grateful to my parents and my martial arts teachers and anyone that’s been in my life that has actually had the patience to help me and to guide me. Even if it was a small bit here and there, I’ve taken that, and I’ve learned a good lesson from it.

You’ve played one of the coolest new Star Wars characters, an X-Men character, and now Snake Eyes. What’s your dream character? If you could play any character ever, which one would you play?

It’s funny, I always said I wanted to be Batman. It’s funny because I grew up with Batman and the Hulk when I was a kid. Thinking about it now, though, I would love to play Danny Rand – Iron Fist. I’d love to do that. Even though I’m supposed to be doing it – I would love to actually get to do it [laughs], because it’s a traditional story. My dad used to read the comics, so I’d also like to do it for my father. So I’ve become a fan of Iron Fist. I would love to do it because the fans have really supported me in it and I’d love to do it for the fans as well.

What I really want, though? I’d love to do a movie where I goof off – but I use my martial arts skills as well. Not like Jackie Chan, but [I’d like to] do something stupid and be funny.

So like a Rush Hour?…Or…[both laugh]

Something…more…different than that.

Like early Jim Carrey?

Yeah! Yeah!

So do you want your own Ace Ventura?

Well, not so much like an Ace Ventura, but…I’d like to do a period piece where I’m a circus performer or something like that. Where it’s got a lot of comedy and romance and boyish charm. I want to do something different. I love doing movies where it involves wardrobe of a [different] time. You can really get to sink your teeth into those and have a good time.

Right now, Snake Eyes is my favorite character, though. I mean, I’m more excited about that than I was about Darth Maul and I’m really lucky to be able to say I’m Darth Maul and now I’m going to be able to play Snake Eyes. It’s my first good guy role. Ever. I get to be a good guy.

And now kids won’t be scared of you when they see you at conventions. When their parents show them who you were [speaking about Darth Maul and Toad] and then they just kind of run away.

Yeah, it’s really hard for the kids to put two and two together sometimes unless they get to see the behind the scenes and stuff. I mean, I wouldn’t want to know who the guy [who played these characters] was at all!

When I found out who the guy was on Nightmare on Elm Street I wasn’t scared anymore. I got to see what his personality was like – the real person – and it all went away.

That character scared me to death. That was the worst movie I could have ever seen as a kid. I couldn’t sleep at night. That scared me the most.

What scared you about it so much?

Well, just, the character! The fact that he could come out of the bed at any point and just take you away! Just because you were dreamin!

Then when I saw the behind the scenes and they did an interview with Robert Englund, I wasn’t scared anymore. Then I could sleep. Before that, though, it really scared me. It really did scare the pants right off me.

Any other messages for the Geekscapists? Anything you’re working on?

There’re some other things…There’s a piece called The Descendants – Joey Andrade and Dark Horse are putting something together. We shot a trailer and the comic is already out there. I’m looking forward to doing that.

There’s also a good friend of mine, Kevin VanHook. We’re doing Aries: God of War, which is another story of Jason and the Argonauts – there’s a period piece!

What’re you playing in that?

I’m playing Phileas. He’s Jason’s best friend, and, of course, he’s an awesome swordsman as well. It’s a good script cause Kevin knows how to write a good story and make it fun. He’s a friend of mine and I like working with friends and good people, but…I just feel really blessed because, well…Snake Eyes. I can’t believe it.

Well we’ll definitely keep our eyes peeled for that.

Thanks! I want to say thanks to the fans as well for all the support. I wouldn’t be at any of these conventions I go to or anywhere if it wasn’t for the fans. It really means a lot.

Well thanks to you for kicking some ass, my good man.

Thank you!