With all the build up to Expendables 2, did you honestly think I wasn’t going to review it? Pssh! From the moment it was announced, I knew it would be the only movie this summer , let alone (with exception of Django Unchained) this year, that I was going to actually be excited for. The Avengers? Not a fan of Whedon. The Dark Knight Rises? Cool, I’ll happily see it, as a fan who is invested in the franchise. The Amazing Spider-Man? Another movie that exists only so a company can retain the rights, great. Expendables 2? Oh, hell yes! I knew exactly where I am going to be all weekend long: hanging out in a movie theatre watching a bunch of old men kick each other’s asses, while explosions and terrible in-jokes go off in the background. It was my first intentional midnight showing since The Dark Knight and it did not disappoint.
It’s a movie that, like Skynet, is self-aware. It knows what it is and why you have come to see it, and cuts most of the fat (“Let’s give them their money’s worth,” Jean-Claude Van Damme’s Vilain quips to no one as he and Stallone’s Barney Ross have their final show down). Like the first film, it takes the good and bad aspects of 80s action films, puts them all into a blender, and lays everything–the explosions, the terrible dialogue, the lack of plot, the misogyny, the xenophobia–on thick. The only thing it lacks is characterization (aside of caricaturization) and plot; but if you’re going to see this movie, you probably weren’t expecting those things anyway. Lord knows I wasn’t. In fact, when little Liam Hemsworth’s Billy the Kidd tried to give us some back story on his army days and how he got involved with Sly and company, I knew it was time to turn my brain off and just ignore any other attempt at plot or cohesiveness of story.
The rest of the movie is a ride and a half. Although the best action sequences happen at the beginning of the film, there are still some solid explosions and kicks from Jean-Claude Van Damme to make the other 70 minutes of the film worth it. In fact, I realized after the movie was over, that I would watch 104 minutes of just JCVD jump kicking Stallone in the face. What’s even better about that, however, is that you know it’s him doing it. No stunt doubles, no wires; it’s all legit from the Muscles from Brussels.
JCVD kicking back at the premiere.
The cameos in this film aren’t done as seamlessly as they are in the first film: Chuck Norris’s Booker, aka “The Lone Wolf”, comes in and out of the action with no real explanation of why (“Sometimes it’s fun to run with the pack”). Likewise Schwarzenegger and Willis are there and then they’re gone, quoting each other’s own famous lines. After their early parts in the film, they are more or less superfluous (expendable, if you will), and should just let the main team do what they have to do. They should have just served their purpose to their story and head out. While it’s fun to see them doing what they did best in the 80s and 90s, they weren’t doing it any better than Lundgren, Couture, and Crews.
You know, the actual team.
That said, there was only one thing about the movie that truly irked me (not enough to keep me away or from squealing like a fangirl at the end), and that was addition of Nan Yu’s Maggie. First, who the hell is Nan Yu? From what I could tell, she existed solely because Jet Li didn’t want to do the movie if it was filmed outside of China. Their characters are inexplicably the same. Just as Li got mocked for his size and nationality in the first one, she received similar treatment regarding her gender and nationality, as well. Michelle Rodriguez would have been a better and more proper choice (what other woman, after all, is more Expendable than her?). And with Rodriguez, we wouldn’t have likely had that awkward moment at the end where she’s like, “I don’t have to leave, you know …” to Ross, even though there was no sexual tension whatsoever. While I am fine with having a female fighter, one who doesn’t use sex as a weapon or even seem to be aware of the fact that she could do that (in fact I prefer that), her addition to the team as a pure unknown (and not even an up-and-comer or someone with a martial arts background) was just weird.
Also, if anyone should have “got” the girl, it should have been Lundgren, damnit.
I know I’m not really giving you any new information or insight on the flick. If you’re going to see Expendables 2, you already know what you’re going for. It’s not the plot, it’s not the characters; it’s the nostalgia, the explosions, and the testosterone. And it has those things in spades. If you prefer a high body count to high culture, then you’ll be satisfied. Otherwise, this flick may just be expendable.
Expendables 2 is kicking ass in theatres NOW!