Tag: expendables 2

Geekscape Movie Reviews: The Expendables 2

by Molly Mahan

With all the build up to Expendables 2, did you honestly think I wasn’t going to review it? Pssh! From the moment it was announced, I knew it would be the only movie this summer , let alone (with exception of Django Unchained) this year, that I was going to actually be excited for. The Avengers? Not a fan of Whedon. The Dark Knight Rises? Cool, I’ll happily see it, as a fan who is invested in the franchise. The Amazing Spider-Man? Another movie that exists only so a company can retain the rights, great. Expendables 2? Oh, hell yes! I knew exactly where I am going to be all weekend long: hanging out in a movie theatre watching a bunch of old men kick each other’s asses, while explosions and terrible in-jokes go off in the background. It was my first intentional midnight showing since The Dark Knight and it did not disappoint.

It’s a movie that, like Skynet, is self-aware. It knows what it is and why you have come to see it, and cuts most of the fat (“Let’s give them their money’s worth,” Jean-Claude Van Damme’s Vilain quips to no one as he and Stallone’s Barney Ross have their final show down). Like the first film, it takes the good and bad aspects of 80s action films, puts them all into a blender, and lays everything–the explosions, the terrible dialogue, the lack of plot, the misogyny, the xenophobia–on thick. The only thing it lacks is characterization (aside of caricaturization) and plot; but if you’re going to see this movie, you probably weren’t expecting those  things anyway. Lord knows I wasn’t. In fact, when little Liam Hemsworth’s Billy the Kidd tried to give us some back story on his army days and how he got involved with Sly and company, I knew it was time to turn my brain off and just ignore any other attempt at plot or cohesiveness of story.

The rest of the movie is a ride and a half. Although the best action sequences happen at the beginning of the film, there are still some solid explosions and kicks from Jean-Claude Van Damme to make the other 70 minutes of the film worth it. In fact, I realized after the movie was over, that I would watch 104 minutes of just JCVD jump kicking Stallone in the face. What’s even better about that, however, is that you know it’s him doing it. No stunt doubles, no wires; it’s all legit from the Muscles from Brussels.

JCVD kicking back at the premiere.

The cameos in this film aren’t done as seamlessly as they are in the first film: Chuck Norris’s Booker, aka “The Lone Wolf”, comes in and out of the action with no real explanation of why (“Sometimes it’s fun to run with the pack”). Likewise Schwarzenegger and Willis are there and then they’re gone, quoting each other’s own famous lines. After their early parts in the film, they are more or less superfluous (expendable, if you will), and should just let the main team do what they have to do. They should have just served their purpose to their story and head out. While it’s fun to see them doing what they did best in the 80s and 90s, they weren’t doing it any better than Lundgren, Couture, and Crews.

You know, the actual team.

That said, there was only one thing about the movie that truly irked me (not enough to keep me away or from squealing like a fangirl at the end), and that was addition of Nan Yu’s Maggie. First, who the hell is Nan Yu? From what I could tell, she existed solely because Jet Li didn’t want to do the movie if it was filmed outside of China. Their characters are inexplicably the same. Just as Li got mocked for his size and nationality in the first one, she received similar treatment regarding her gender and nationality, as well. Michelle Rodriguez would have been a better and more proper choice (what other woman, after all, is more Expendable than her?). And with Rodriguez, we wouldn’t have likely had that awkward moment at the end where she’s like, “I don’t have to leave, you know …” to Ross, even though there was no sexual tension whatsoever. While I am fine with having a female fighter, one who doesn’t use sex as a weapon or even seem to be aware of the fact that she could do that (in fact I prefer that), her addition to the team as a pure unknown (and not even an up-and-comer or someone with a martial arts background) was just weird.

Also, if anyone should have “got” the girl, it should have been Lundgren, damnit.

I know I’m not really giving you any new information or insight on the flick. If you’re going to see Expendables 2, you already know what you’re going for. It’s not the plot, it’s not the characters; it’s the nostalgia, the explosions, and the testosterone. And it has those things in spades. If you prefer a high body count to high culture, then you’ll be satisfied. Otherwise, this flick may just be expendable.

Expendables 2 is kicking ass in theatres NOW!

SDCC Round-Up: The Expendables 2 Panel

by Molly Mahan

I’m not afraid to admit that the only thing I wanted to do at Comic Con was go to Hall H on Thursday for the Expendables 2 panel. I was begging everyone I knew with any kind of work or personal relationship with the cast and crew of the film to help me sneak in. Of course, Comic Con being what it is, there is a fairly strict first come, first serve policy. Which is cool, as it puts pros, press, and fans on the same level, and that is a rarity (but not the case when it comes to off-site screening of films). Luckily, the panel took place on Thursday, meaning once Twilight was over, the hall cleared out and I was able to get in and snag a seat in the first section of chairs, with only having waited 20 minutes. Who else can say that (besides those who came in line after me)? Fans hoping to get into the Game of Thrones panel waited well over 8 hours, let alone the days and fatalities that occurred for the Twihards waiting for a glimpse at Kellan Lutz, the self-proclaimed god of wetness … and moisture. It’s insane, and there are very few things I am willing to wait for, no matter my adoration (I guess I’m not a real geek …).

That said, I was extremely disappointed about how little this was about The Expendables and more about the actors themselves. And by actors, I mean Stallone and Schwarzenegger. Dolph Lundgren answered maybe one question from the moderator and NONE from the audience–which was so appalling to everyone that when the moderator said “last question” and it was directed at Stallone, there was a mass cry of “HE-MAAAAAAAAN!” as we all left.


Five guys came to the panel, but only two will speak

Additionally, I had hoped to see more footage from the actual film and hear from the other filmmakers (where were you, Simon West?). Was I seriously the only person there that cared about the moving coming out and not the past careers of The Italian Stallion and The Governator? With two montages dedicated to the aging action stars, it seems so.

Speaking of which, let’s be honest, if you’re going to do an Arnold montage and include shots of Mr. Freeze, why would you skip out on Sly’s excellent work in A Party at Kitty and Stud’s? I mean, seriously. It’s beautiful, and the only porno I have intentionally watched (not that I have a thing against it, it’s just not really my thing).

So, I’m going to say this: unless breathing the same air as Sylvester Stallone means as much to you as it does to me, you shouldn’t feel bad about missing the panel. You missed out on nothing aside from listening to Arnold still talk about the greatness of muscles (his own and the rest of the cast’s), fail to answer even yes or no questions in a straight forward manner, and hear the duo say some of their most famous lines LIVE AND IN PERSON. For the most part, it was all fluff: pure masturbation of an era gone by.

Let me remind you that this is coming from a girl who loved the first Expendables (I say it was the best movie of summer 2010) and who literally started crying tears of joy when she read Stallone was going to be there to talk about it. There was one brief clip of an action scene, a new trailer (and nerds still apparently care about Chuck Norris based on cheers when he was featured, even though that joke has got to be at least 10 years old), and a little talk about the plot, which was so vague that it could have been the pitch for Fast Six. Not much more to it. But, hey, based on the fan questions, that isn’t what everyone came for anyway. At least those who were got to, there was a line that circled Hall H by the time the moderator was completed with his bit. It was absurd. I can only hope that someone with a like mind was up there, but unable to speak due to the time constraints. For that, I partially blame Arnold who refused to answer any questions in a straight forward way. “What’s your favorite Stallone movie?” “Oh, I like all of them. I mean Rambo is great, but let me tell you about every Stallone movie ever so Rocky here doesn’t feel bad I missed one.” And he was like that with everything. A true politician, afraid to give an actual opinion.

Eet’s not an opinion, it’s not!

I’ll admit, it was fun to hear Stallone compare his on-screen body count to Schwarzenegger’s. And their pissing contest banter was endearing (Stallone challenging the team to a spelling contest, Schwarzenegger claiming Sly was his English tutor, etc), but it’s an ensemble film and was an ensemble panel. Let the other heads up there talk.

Expendables 2 comes out August 17th.