Author: Saintmort

We’re back this month to recap Wrestlemania, Greatest Royal Rumble and to look ahead at Backlash

Matt’s joined but Juan of Sunblind to discuss Episode 20 of Season 1 “The Plays The Thing”

Once again the HMN team is joined by Katie Anderson to break down 2018’s A Quiet Place. We talk spoiler-free for approximately 30 minutes before we dive into the plot in detail. Join us for a serious discussion about a very good movie as well as some fun side-tracked conversations about Jason Segal’s naked body, who will die in Infinity War and passing gas in a post-apocalyptic world.

Josh gives us the New Japan run-down and then we spend over an hour discussing NXT Takeover and Wrestlemania. It’s gonna be a big weekend and we couldn’t be more excited about it!

Matt is Joined by the host of Jersey Ghouls to discuss Episode 19 of Season 1 “Kid Gloves” which is arguably the best episode of the first season!

Matt’s joined by his Horror Movie Night co-host Scott Roger to discuss Episode 18 of Boy Meets World Season 1 … It’s A Wonderful Night

Matt, Josh and Derek recap Elmination Chamber and try their best to predict the underwhelming pay-per-view card that is Fastlane 2018

Matt is joined by Boy Meets World Superfan Fatima Harajli to discuss Episode 17 of Season 1 THE FUGITIVE

This weekend Derek, Josh and Matt break-down the upcoming Elimination Chamber and who they think will walk away with the win.

Matt’s Joined by Mike London to discuss Episode 16 of Season 1 of Boy Meets world RISKY BUSINESS

This week Matt is joined by Dork Daily’s Chris Pierdomenico to discuss Episode 15 Model Family

In episode 3 Matt, Derek and Josh sit-down to talk about what happened at the Rumble, NXT Takeover and New Beginnings. Matt and Josh try to avoid spoilers for Smackdown which Derek hasn’t watched yet and fail horribly.

Check out more music from Mega-Ran who does our theme at http://megaranmusic.com

Matt is joined by Oschlocku Podcast’s Joe Marshall to discuss Episode 15 of Season 1 “The B Team of Life”

Next Sunday we have the 31st Royal Rumble around the corner. In honor of it I (like a crazy person) have rewatched all 30 Rumble matches that came before it to make the definitive Geekscape list of the Rumbles from WORST to BEST. These are the things I do for you people. Appreciate it please.

30. Royal Rumble (95)
I see some people really praise this one and they’re crazy. This is just a 40 minute long British Bulldog vs. Shawn Michaels match where mid-carders like Mantaur or Mo from Men on a Mission come into the ring for 3 seconds. It’s made even more bizarre by the decision to have people come in every minute instead of 90 seconds or 2 minutes. It feels so rushed. It’s like watching a rumble in fast forward. There’s no drama, no story and Shawn winning is among the most predictable endings in Rumble history.

29. Royal Rumble (99)
This rumble is based entirely on taking advantage of the worst loophole in the Rumble rulebook. It seems that if you enter the ring, then slide out of the ring you have free reign to walk around for as long as you want without any risk of disqualification. This is the dumbest loophole imaginable. The Rumble is about luck of the draw and stamina. However here we have Stone Cold and Vince starting off the match, leaving the ring, Stone Cold going to the hospital for 45 minutes while Vince does commentary and then them still legally being the final two even though they’ve been MIA for at least 30 minutes. This is only made worse by the fact that the entire Rumble is based off a singular storyline. While having Vince win was quite the shock, there was no way the final two would be anyone but Vince and Stone Cold. There’s a handful of cute moments (frankly I get an erection that lasts 2 days whenever I see Gillburg’s entrance) but in general this rumble really bothers me. I think this is a great example of both how HUGE wrestling was in the late 90’s… but the front row is also filled with Frat Boys looking for lots of TV time, aka the worst kind of wrestling fan.

28. Royal Rumble (93)
Macho man might be the worst Rumble participant ever. He missed his number in 91, He eliminated himself in 92 and in this he tries to pin Yokozuna to win the Royal Rumble. He’s the worst. The only thing making it not completely unwatchable is Gorilla and Bobby the Brain on commentary (I also love that Bobby couldn’t pronounce narcissist to save his life). The Rumble itself is okay, it’s the first Rumble in the format we’ve come to know it (Winner headlines Wrestlemania) so it’s got that going for it. There’s been worse, but there’s also been much much better. You have some good moments and it’s nice to have a non-Hogan heavy rumble after he won 90 and 91 and then was one of the final three in 92. It’s the only pay-per-view appearance of Max Moon and Giant Gonzalez debuts here. If that doesn’t tell you that this rumble took place just as the roughest era of WWE was about to start I don’t know what does.This lackluster Rumble lead directly into arguably the worst Wrestlemania.

27. Royal Rumble (2015)
I’ve seen this ranked as the worst rumble of all time. I remember being disappointed with the Reigns win but beyond that I didn’t remember it being that bad. Then I re-watched it. It’s not the worst Rumble of all time (obviously) but it is pretty damn close. Bodies just get tossed left and right without a care. In the start Bray Wyatt eliminates people in seconds and spends 90 seconds in the ring alone multiple times. Besides him singing He’s got the Whole in his hands (which side note.… should come back) he doesn’t even do much with that time, just stares at the entrance ramp. Early on there’s two lackluster “Legend” returns that are quickly eliminated. Daniel Bryan shows up and then is eliminated within 10 minutes and man does the crowd turn there and they never turn back. Finally Kane and Big Show just throw people out of the ring without a care before Reigns eliminates both of them and Rusev for the least celebrated victory ever. Let’s not even mention the uninspired Rock cameo after it’s over… this was a fucking mess.

26. Royal Rumble (2012)
The year prior they had a 40 man royal rumble, it got down-graded back to the 30 men (which is a good thing). Looking at the amount of filler in this match (including all 3 commentators and various surprise legends) it’s easy to conclude this was not a great time for the roster. The 1988 rumble had more star power. When it comes down to Sheamus vs. Jericho is basically a “well obviously” type moment. Who else would it possibly come down to? Jinder Mahal? Michael Cole? Jey Uso? The only truly important moment in the entire rumble is the first of a continuing series of Kofi Kingston ALMOST eliminations (this one still being the best … the handstand). In the end Sheamus is a better ending than Vince McMahon … but not by much.

25. Royal Rumble (2002)
I do not care what the circumstances are or who the people involved are… I hate when two people fighting after an elimination takes away TV time from the Rumble. There’s 5 minutes of Undertaker beating up Maven while a Rumble is still happening. It’s infuriating. It makes me want to make this the worst Rumble but I know that’s not actually the case. This Rumble does check all of my pet peeves (I have many you’ll read about them in the next few entries) and in general does nothing for me. Other people have such extreme love for this particular show and I simply do not get it.

24. Royal Rumble (2011)
This Rumble starts so strong, but the problem is that they should never do a 40 man rumble again. It’s too long and it’s too much to juggle story-wise. Admittedly the opening is great. New Nexus and the Corre attacking the ring, a nice Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk opening, the impressive John Morrison save (which would eventually evolve into a Kofi Kingston yearly spot) … but then it just starts to drag. By the time you get to Del Rio’s win at the end and you feel nothing. I will say that the Santino fake-out is beyond beautiful and I miss that hilarious man. But after how great 2010’s Rumble is, this is quite the dud.

23. Royal Rumble  (88)
Rick Rude wrestled Ricky Steamboat while a dude in the audience screamed into a homemade Jimmy Hart megaphone. Dino Bravo “broke” the bench-press record. The Jumping Bomb Angels beat the Gorgeous Girls in a best 2 out of 3 falls tag match. Andre the Giant threw a table at Hulk Hogan … and then it happened. The first ever Royal Rumble (followed by another best two out of three falls match). It’s a historically important match and for the most part it’s a damn fun one. It’s fast pace (although a little short with only 20 entrants). Half of them are guys you know and have stood the test of time (Jake the Snake, Bret Hart, Ultimate Warrior) while the other half has been forgotten in the sands of time (Danny Davis, B. Brian Blair). Hacksaw Jim Duggan wins the whole thing which is fine. It’s a great start to the best Yearly Wrestling Pay-Per-View … but it’s far from the best Rumble match ever.

22. Royal Rumble (2009)
It’s just a bunch of bodies in a ring with no rhyme or reason. It’s one of the worst things a Rumble can be. Boring. The highlights are Santino’s less than 2 second elimination and Rey Mysterio walking on Miz and Morrison to avoid being officially eliminated. You have a bland winner with Randy Orton and very few surprises or almost no big moments. It’s not bad, everyone looks good but you walk away from this one feeling nothing. You forget everything that you’ve seen just a few minutes after its over and that’s never good. Ever.

21. Royal Rumble (2013)
This one started off so strong. I loved the Ziggler promo to kick it off, him and Jericho starting off one on one and slowly more great names get thrown in there. Santino gets some good comedy spots while Cody Rhodes and Gold-dust face off. It’s fun. It’s not great or incredible but it’s fun. But then (just like the 2009 Rumble) it just becomes bodies. I mean we get the Kofi Pogo-Stick Chair which is fun enough but really no one enters the ring with an exciting storyline except John Cena so you know he’s going to win it. When you know who’s gonna win really whats the point of watching?

20. Royal Rumble (97)
I feel like this is a fairly divided Rumble. I’ve seen people rank it pretty high because it’s the Steve Austin show and it’s the moment you saw him truly become a legend. I’d argue that the problem is that it’s exclusively the Steve Austin Show. There’s a lot of short lived bodies and/or characters who had no reason to still exist in the WWE at this time. The moments that are great (Austin looking at a non-existent watch waiting for more opponents) are great still but a lot of this is just filler while Steve Austin becomes a huge star before your very eyes. And that bothers me. I Hate when the Rumble is basically a giant one man show.

19. Royal Rumble (94)
There’s a handful of pet peeves I have with a rumble. A big one is the action leaving the ring and the camera following it. This is the first Rumble for that trope to begin. Another pet peeve I have is when one person just cleans house repeatedly and then we’re treated to person standing in the ring just waiting for the next opponent. That also debuts in this match. Those reasons alone rank this one pretty low for me. The other big issue is the ending. I always bounce between loving and hating the ending. In one element it’s unique and different and gave us one of the best Wrestlemania’s ever. On the other hand, it seems like a cheat.

18. Royal Rumble (2014)
I see people rank this one pretty low and I completely understand. Simply put. The wrong man won. This win for Batista makes zero sense, not having Bryan in the rumble at all made even less sense. There’s a lot of negativity that comes from this particular rumble. The fact it was CM Punk’s final WWE appearance certainly lingers over people’s memories. But honestly, if you step back for a second… it’s an incredibly fun match. The Shield is just straight dominating, there’s great spots and the debut of Rusev. Re-watch it, this Rumble is more fun than you remember. It’s also funny to think that had If Reigns won the rumble this year it would have been a dramatically different response then his win the following year. He was the last eliminated and his back and forth with Batista is genuinely fun. People were still so high on The Shield that if it wasn’t going to be Bryan he would have been a fine replacement. Additionally Orton vs. Reigns probably would have been a decent Wrestlemania match, maybe? Instead we got Batista who was a terrible Rumble winner but in the end built to one of the most compelling and satisfying Wrestlemania moments ever, so really, not that bad in retrospect.

17. Royal Rumble (89)
What a difference a year can make. For the second round of the Rumble the star-power stars began to really shine down and the overall potential of the Rumble was realized. This edition saw the introduction of backstage number drawing (something I love every time the rumble occurs) as well as the traditional number of 30 entrants. Before the main event however we still have to deal with non-wrestling bullshit like a flex-off between Rude and Warrior which is only entertaining because Rick Rude is one of the greatest heels ever. This certainly represents the era of Wrestling I grew up on pretty beautifully, unfortunately it’s still a new enough concept that they don’t know how to make an hour of it really compelling. There’s some ballsy moments like Hogan actually not winning something in 1989 (something that the rectified the following two years). While it’s nice to see Big John Studd with the win, it’s definitely not the most compelling thing in wrestling history.

16. Royal Rumble (91)
The rumble that gave us our first two time rumble winner. The Prize is still bragging rights which … is never that exciting. Before the Rumble started Virgil turned on DiBiase which provided a HUGE pop but the rumble match itself is just okay. There’s a lot (and I mean A LOT) of filler in the ring. If it wasn’t clear enough that Hogan was gonna win last year, the amount of fluff in the rumble this year only makes his upcoming victory all the more in your face. HOWEVER this rumble provided us with what is my absolute favorite comedic moment in Rumble history … Bushwacker Luke’s 4 second elimination. For those not familiar jump to 2:00 in the video below.

15. Royal Rumble (2003)
There’s really nothing special or memorable about this particular rumble, but it’s a damn fun time. The big highlights would be things like Jericho dominating for almost 40 minutes, Shawn Michaels being eliminated right away in a surprise start to the match and John Cena’s rap to the ring . In general I’d rather a Rumble be fun to watch then dull with one major “moment” in it. Unfortunately for the purposes of this article it doesn’t leave much room for anything worth typing.

14. Royal Rumble (2000)
This is the perfect middle-ground rumble. Rumbles worst then this are categorized as bad, rumbles better than this are categorized as good… this one just is. There’s things to like about it, Rikishi clearing the ring to have a dance off with his Too Cool buddies is easily the highlight of the match. I think it’s one of the coolest “sets” for the Rumble with the short ramp, the Car above it and the crowds super close to the entrance ramp. Also what’s not to love about a surprise appearance from Bob Backlund. The issue is that the Rumble itself is fairly bland which is only more disappointing based on how great matches leading up to the Rumble are. There’s also WAY too much interference from non-Rumble participants… it happens at least three times.  This would be a thousand times better if I got to hear Jim Ross say “Grand Master Sexay” at least 50 more times.

13. Royal Rumble (2016)
There’s so much to like about this Rumble. AJ Styles debuts, R-Truth thinks it’s a ladder match, the moment you thought maybe, just maybe, Dean Ambrose would win it all. There’s plenty of fun moments but the problem is that there’s also a lot of issues. When the rumble is about one person, that’s normally bad. As I’ve stated earlier my biggest pet peeve is when some is getting rough housed on the outside of the ring and the rumble becomes secondary to everything. Reigns gets beat up by the league of nations outside the ring and for 5 minutes that’s all the cameras film. Hell, Kofi is eliminated off camera. No one should ever be eliminated off camera. Finally I hate when someone is MIA for over half of the rumble but yet can come back for the final 5 minutes of the match and it’s just accepted. I didn’t like it when Stone Cold did it, I didn’t like Vince McMahon doing it and I didn’t like Reigns doing it. Despite this very frustrating and frankly annoying scenario… I don’t hate this Rumble. In general removing Reigns was the right decision. When he was gone for 40 minutes the show was able to focus on the actual Rumble and it got back to being a very fun experience.

12. Royal Rumble (96)
Shawn Michaels second win is a better win. This is far from a perfect rumble but it is fun enough. There are a few issues I have though. First off, Vader shows up and starts tossing bodies but none of them are considered eliminations because he’s not part of the Rumble. Just 3 years prior Undertaker was eliminated by Giant Gonzalez and it counted and in the future there will be countless “no longer a participate” eliminations that count as legit eliminations. I almost question if Michaels wasn’t supposed to be eliminated by Vadar and they had to think fast to let him back in the ring. Another issue people may have (myself included) is this is one of the first rumbles to establish the roll out under the bottom rope and avoid the rumble for an extended period of time move. I’m a fan of this when used correctly (like with a chicken-shit heel ala Miz) but hate it when a baby-face gets “knocked out” and is allowed to take a 30 minute break back-stage and then come back for the final four position. All in all while this isn’t the most memorable rumble in the world, It’s a pretty fun one.

11. Royal Rumble (2008)
There’s certainly moments to love in this Rumble. There’s also some confusing garbage (aka all the Hornswoggle/Finley stuff). The moment that matters is Entrant #30 being the surprise return of John Cena. You could not script a better reaction. What I like most is that it really avoids one of my pet peeves of too many eliminations in a short amount. This one the ring just fills and fills with a decent collective of “Hey, they could win” entrants. Finally Triple H and Cena enter and make sure it comes down to them only. It’s a perfect way for it to play out. Additionally the appearances of some random legends never over-staying their welcome is an added bonus. Gotta love when you get to see a surprise Rowdy Piper (even if it’s only for a minute).

10. Royal Rumble (90)
First off, God bless Ted DiBaise. If you ever want to know why he’s so beloved. Just watch his performance in this Rumble. He is selling all over the ring, putting in God’s work. It makes me angry that back then the Rumble meant absolutely nothing because Hogan shouldn’t be in this and Million Dollar Man should have won it. It’s a legit travesty that he never got to hold the WWE Championship nor win the Rumble but Hogan got to win back to back. If you remove DiBiase’s impressive 45 minutes in the ring the only major highlight is the Hogan/Warrior show-down setting up one of the greatest Wrestlemania main events. But I’m ranking it high because holy shit I love 45 minutes of Million Dollar Man.

9. Royal Rumble (2005)
The worst thing a Rumble can do is just feel like it’s dragging. Fortunately that never happens with this one. It moves at a good quick pace, there’s a good collective of notable names in the ring throughout and it contains arguable the greatest Royal Elimination of all time (featuring Geekscapes very own Paul London). The biggest issue with this rumble really is that excluding the London elimination and the accidental double elimination finale (leading to the unintentionally hilarious Vince McMahon quad injury) it’s not particularly memorable. It’s a very good rumble that threatens to be Great many times … but never is.

8. Royal Rumble (2007)
They say send them home happy. This Rumble is the embodiment of it. For the first 40 minutes or so, it’s a decent (but not special) Rumble. Enter The Undertaker. The final 13 minutes of this match has such a powerful and captivating build. After 28 eliminates we are treated to a fantastic singles match between Shawn Michaels and Undertaker that lays the seeds for one of the greatest feuds in Wrestling History. This is when Taker established himself as Michael’s White Whale. In general I try to focus on the Rumble as a whole, not focusing on a singular moment to represent good vs. bad, but the final two facing off makes up for 1/4 of the Rumble. It shouldn’t be captivating, it shouldn’t be incredible, but it’s such a beautiful moment putting this Rumble even one slot lower would be a disservice to it.

7. Royal Rumble (2001)
I’ve seen this listed as THE best Royal Rumble and while it’s certainly good I think it’s a little too much praise. It’s definitely a continued improvement on the previous year’s rumble and it earned Stone Cold his 3rd Rumble victory (the only person to ever achieve that) and it built to Wrestlemania X7 (widely considered the greatest Wrestlemania). I definitely have fun with this one, I love that this contains the second random appearance of the Honky Tonk Man and Drew Carey being in it tickles my funny bone. Additionally it’s nice that the winner isn’t written in the stars like many of them can be, but it lacks the thing I love most in the Rumble (as will become more and more apparent in my Top Tier rumbles) … I’m a sucker for a good underdog. In this Rumble it’s just the 3 heaviest hitters Kane, The Rock and Austin. It’s great… but for me, it’s not the greatest.

6. Royal Rumble (2017)
After multiple years of Rumbles of varying levels of quality, lackluster winners and predictable winners we had one of the most fun rumbles ever just last year. Anyone could win (thank you brand split) and it was just plain a fun time. You had another great Kofi spot, Jack Gallagher making a great little comedic moment, Jericho breaking the record for combined in-ring time in Rumble history and lots of great character moments and story development leading into Mania. I remember having a blast last year watching the Rumble but after forcing myself to binge 30 Rumbles in 20 days I now truly appreciate how great this Rumble was compared to the years that came before it. If for some reason you didn’t like this Rumble last year I strongly recommend re-watching it before Sunday.

5. Royal Rumble (2004)
I love this rumble. It’s unfortunate that the winner is a former beloved superstar turned murderer but I’m reviewing the entertainment and quality of the rumble … not which winners I’d let babysit my friend’s kids. This rumble was relentlessly fun, had the surprise win of a very non-prototypical superstar winning and (at the time) a big feel good ending. Packed with a beautifully paced final elimination and a good collection of fun entrants this Rumble will always be among the best even with WWE having to pretend it never happened.

4. Royal Rumble (92)
This is easily the best of the early rumbles. It captures all the best moments of a good Rumble. It contains the element that helps most rumbles work … an Underdog story. One could argue that Big John Studd was the original Rumble underdog … but unexpected does not an underdog make. This was the first time the Rumble was for something (The WWF Title). Prior to this it was all just bragging rights. Big John Studd winning the Rumble didn’t make him anything more than the guy who won the second rumble, this win however gave Flair his first WWF championship. The Rumble is only improved upon by the great commentary from Gorilla and Bobby the Brain and the star-studded 30 participants (including I.R.S. my favorite wrestler ever). I rarely discuss the non-rumble matches but it’s important to point out how truly great this entire pay-per-view is. As far as the late 80s/early to mid 90’s WWF goes, this Pay-Per-View is on par with the greatness of Wrestlemania X. My only complaint is that Hogan’s ego wouldn’t let Flair just win the Rumble without his assistance because Hogan had an ego the size of his gawker lawsuit winnings.

3. Royal Rumble (2010)
What makes this Rumble so fantastic is all of the storytelling it manages to pull off as well as all the moments it contains in a fairly short Rumble (all things considered). It plays out in 3 parts. Part 1 is the CM Punk Show. I must confess I didn’t get back into wrestling until right before he quit. Because of this I never really got why people loved him so much, but after watching this Rumble… I get it now. Punk just eliminates body after body and then continues to build a sermon about how you need to become straight edge. It’s so delightfully heel-ish. Then Triple H comes in and eliminates him. The Rumble drags for a bit as bodies fill the ring and then it becomes the Shawn Michaels show (Part 2). Building off the history of Shawn and Taker his defining character is he NEEDS to win this. There’s a moment where Michaels eliminates Triple H and the facial acting of both men is beautiful. Hunter looks confused and hurt and Shawn Michaels looks upset that it came to this. When Michaels is eliminated, he’s heart-broken and for a few seconds confused and in denial. The sadness that comes across his face as he walks to the back is among the most heart-breaking moments in Rumble history. Finally Part 3 is the unexpected Return of Edge. Which while also a great story falls flat compared to all the greatness of the first 2 parts. When Edge wins, it’s a nice moment but feels like something is missing.

2. Royal Rumble (98)
Above all things, a Royal Rumble needs to be fun. That’s exactly what the 1998 Rumble is. You’ve got a ton of memorable characters, three different Mick Foley appearances and the Rock tearing it up most of the show. Of the three Stone Cold rumble wins this is the best one by far. The downside is that the entire story going in is “Stone Cold is going to win” and with 95% of the people in this Rumble there was never any real doubt that’s how it would end. This Rumble does raise any interesting question for me though, How were the Goldwins a thing for so long? It’s some super 1993 Next Generation shit that is still going on without any changes for the Attitude era. This also is the first Rumble that has a completely insane surprise return with The Honky Tonk Man coming into the match (and being in there for close to 20 minutes).

1. Royal Rumble (2006)
I’ve seen people rank this Rumble as one of the worst, perhaps it’s because of what happened leading up to and after the Rumble. Two Month’s prior Eddie Guerrero died and it became the main focus of Rey Mysterio’s backstory. After winning Rey had a forgettable run before getting dropped back to the mid-card. Maybe it’s a cash-in on tragedy, maybe he’s an unworthy winner (the fact that the Rumble isn’t the main event surely implies that) but as far as story-telling goes… this is a masterpiece. You want Rey to win, when I watch it … I need him too. It’s a beautiful underdog story pulling from a very real moment of joy when you see Rey standing there as confetti rains down on him as he cries. This is what a good Rumble is about, moments like that. Feelings of satisfaction like this. That’s why to me, it’s the greatest Rumble of all time.