Yesterday on the official Super Smash Bros. Facebook page, the wonderful human beings that do the work of gods (the game designers) have opened the doors, so to speak, to “any video game character” for inclusion as downloadable content. Yes, this character will be made available for Super Smash Bros. For Wii U/3DS, but Nintendo needs to find out who.
From the official voting page:
Do you want your favorite video-game character to join the battle in Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS/Wii U? Well, here’s your chance. If you post a video-game character’s name, we’ll consider turning that character into a Smash fighter! Please limit your vote to one per person.
Of course fans are already rallying behind their mascots like a high school pep rally. Viewtiful Joe seems like the most popular, while the unlikely Goku is getting buzz. You might even hear totally-not-happening characters like Batman, and other why-aren’t-they-already-included names like Phoenix Wright, Knuckles, and Roy.
But I’m hear to plead to you — the kick-ass, dedicated Geekscape community — to vote for one name and one name only.
Travis fuckin’ Touchdown.
From the twisted mind of punk rock auteur Suda51, Travis Touchdown is/was the anti-hero heart of No More Heroes which was one of the only reasons why anyone bought a Wii (besides, you know, Super Smash Bros. Brawl).
This 27-year-old foul mouthed nerd that would have rallied behind #GamerGate if he actually existed is the biggest asshole ever created in binary code, and a perfect fit for Super Smash Bros. Precisely because he would stick out so much.
He’s vile. He’s aggressive. He’s disgusting. His mouth is dirtier than an Atlantic City bar bathroom. He wields a god damn lightsaber (which were actually based on the Schwartz from Spaceballs) and slices people in half without mercy.
There has already been a precedent for hardcore killers in the generally family-centric Smash series before. Snake raised a lot of eyebrows with his inclusion a few years ago, but when you saw him fly on drones dangling like an idiot and fire rocket launchers right in front of himself, he fit in just fine to the bizarre cartoon. Not that the Metal Gear series are spy simulators, but if Snake could come from that world and be included and Travis can’t — No More Heroes is about as weird as it can be, and Nintendo loves weird — then we have no standards at all.
I reiterate that No More Heroes and to a lesser extent No More Heroes 2 were extremely popular titles for the Nintendo Wii (their later ports to the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 were not well-received). Playing No More Heroes was dependent on motion control, the very thing that made the Wii THE Christmas toy of 2006.
There are no immediate plans for another No More Heroes as of right now, but it’s a fondly-remembered series that deserves to live on in the hearts and minds of gamers. Travis’s inclusion in Super Smash Bros. For Wii U and 3DS would not only be extremely fucking hilarious, it would serve to remind people of these awesome games of the recent past and to hopefully kickstart that elusive next entry.
So please, Geekscape. I beg of you. Vote for Travis Touchdown.
Or else you’re a fuck head.