Check out Noel and Rory’s reports from Day 1 and Day 2 of Voodoo Fest!

All Photography courtesy of the peerless and fearless Rory O’Neill.

The final day of the 2008 Voodoo Music Experience started out with Rory and I retrieving Sweet Leaf Tea (who generously donated their delicious beverages to the Noo Moon Stage’s backstage area, thanks y’all!) out of a coffin.  Only in New Orleans would someone have the foresight to fill a coffin with ice, tea and beer, making thirsty music-folk open the lid of a coffin retrieve a cold one.  ‘Six Feet Under’ might be my favorite television series, but even I’m weirded.

Coffin

Tea

We also took in the bizarre-ness known as the fest’s only hearse, trimmed with the finest in tacky plastic accoutrements.

Hurse

The first set of our day is Ozomatli with Chali2na from Jurassic 5.  Rory and I have seen their live shows multiple times over the years, and it fits like a broken-in pair of jeans; always a good pick, if not always your favorite thing to wear (sorry for the clothing analogy, I AM a girl, you know…).  If you’ve somehow missed them over the last fifteen or so years they’ve been on the road, by all means, go to a show.

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I had a deep, very non-geek-like conversation with Asdru Sierra, vocalist and trumpeter, after the set, which I will be sharing with y’all soon.

After Ozomatli finished up, we checked out local New Orleanians, Hands of Nero, who served up some rock and roll straight up and got us pumped for our afternoon.  New Orleans may be known for its jazz, but it can bring the rock.  Check these guys out!

Nero

Find Of The Day:  ManWitch!

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What do you get when you take four strong New Orleans women, who have families and real-person day jobs, but love to rock out on the side?  You get ManWitch. “A sandwich may be a sandwich, but a ManWitch is a motherf***in’ meal” to quote their press bio.  Their debut album is in the works, but you can check them out at www.myspace.com/manwitch (and add them!) to curb your appetite until then.  I’ll be sure to let the Geekscapists know when you can beat to the meat in album form.  I chatted with Rachelle, Sue and Laurie after the set, and that will be posted soon!

Festival-goers pulled out all of the stops the last day.  Here are some of our favorite costumes:

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Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings brought the noise, brought the funk, and brought random festy-girls out onstage to dance.  They also flew on my JetBlue flight back to New York City today, so I was thrilled to tell Sharon that she killed it, as well as compliment her Barack-Obama-head dangly earrings. 

Sharon 1

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Sharon 3

If all you know about the Dap-Kings is that they sometimes pull double-duty as Amy Winehouse’s band, then get yourself to a record store (if yours still exists, mine closed, so I now go to Best Buy…) and purchase.  Then, keep your ear to the ground for a show near you. Put on your dancing shoes and Sunday best. And GO. Trust me.

Between Grace Potter, Marva Wright, Joss Stone and Sharon Jones, this festival had some serious soul. Maybe the now ten-years defunct Lilith Fair will emerge a la Lollapalooza, as a festival and these fierce birds will take flight?  (Are you listening, Sarah McLachlan? If you build it, they will come.)

We ended our day with R.E.M. Stipe and company treated us to the new and the angry, a.k.a. tracks off of new disc, ‘Accelerate.’  We also (surprise surprise) were treated to the proclamations, “We hate the Bush administration.”  And “We also really hated the Reagan administration, too.”

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They ended their show on a positive high, with ‘Man on the Moon.’

And so did we.

Solid performances, thought-provoking interviews, killer photos and crazy levels of fan-dom.  Suffice it to say, it was a great weekend in New Orleans.  I can’t wait to do it again.

Thanks for checking out our coverage of VoodooFest!  Until next festival season…

If you missed it, check out Noel and Rory’s report from Day 1 of Voodoo Fest!

All Photography courtesy of the incredible Rory O’Neill.

Day two of the 2008 Voodoo Music Experience started with my alarm’s inability to go off.  Regardless, we were woken up at the very non-rock-an-roll hour of 9:33am in time to hustle frantically to prepare for a very full and festy day.

We hurried from press parking to the WWOZ/Southern Comfort stage to catch Drew Smith’s Lonely Choir’s 11am first-set-of-the-day set.  It was worth every ounce of not sleeping in to experience.

Drew Smith

Find Of The Day:  Drew Smith’s Lonely Choir!

This is the best band you’ve probably never heard.  I mean that with all of the love in the world, because every band starts out with only a handful of listeners outside of their hometown.  I have to say, in my multiple occasions over the last few years at large-scale music festivals, there are very few occasions when I see something that blows me away before I’ve even had my morning (or afternoon…) coffee.  Drew Smith gives me hope that good music, regardless of the label of ‘pop’ or ‘rock’ or ‘alternative’ exists in the twenty-first century.  He put together a group of some of Austin’s finest musicians, hours of work, and dollars out-of-pocket, and released an album that not only is a work of art to view, but a work of art to experience in a stereo or in headphones.  Drew and I share a love of Harry Nilsson and Randy Newman (which we uber-geeked out to at the conclusion of our interview (coming soon! -Ed.)) and that influence is apparent in his songs, the obvious title, “Nilsson Sings Newman,” and “Are You Lonely?” as well.  I just can’t stress enough how much you need to buy his record, and keep the name, Drew Smith’s Lonely Choir in your periphery.  The record is available on iTunes, but I recommend for those of you who cherish every last liner note like I do, to contact Austin’s Fat Caddy Records to purchase a copy.

After the set, Drew, Lonely Choir’s keys-master and arranger, Matt Russell, Rory and I headed over to the quiet oasis known as the Miller tent, to enjoy Miller High Life and do an interview on one of their cozy couches.

 

Matt Interview

We headed over to the Fuse TV tent to claim the iPod’s we won yesterday in music trivia!!!  Fuse TV is re-capping VoodooFest on Monday, October 27th at 8pm/7pm central if you’d like to tune in.

After beer and jambalaya for breakfast, Rory and I decided on a double scoop from the New Orleans Ice Cream Company.  It was delicious, as was the name of the dark chocolate ice cream with chunks of white chocolate; the Chocolate City.  Take that as you will.  We spotted this cute couple in line for ice cream as we were leaving:

couple

Part of the fun of having time to amble around aimlessly in an enormous crowd at a music festival is to people-watch.  Here are some of our favorites from Saturday:

warlord

chicks

 

Purple

Rivers

chickmagnet

Nola

hots

Oh yeah, and Playstation is a Voodoo Music Experience sponsor!  I checked out their trailer filled with toys for all you hungry nerds.  The last video game I played was Super Mario Bros 3 on the original Nintendo gaming system, so I’ll let the photos speak for themselves.

PS3

LBP

We’re learning that Preservation Hall’s tent is always a good bet for New Orleans flavor and for a break from the rock and roll national touring acts.  We caught the Treme Brass Band.  Laissez les bons temps rouler.

Treme

We then went to meet the very talented and kind Eric Hilton and Rob Garza, better known as Thievery Corporation.  It’s very hard to define what they are… because they are everything.  The ultimate do-it-yourself guys, they started a company with pressing vinyl ages before every Tom, Dick or Harry started an indie label.  It isn’t really about categorization; I do not know how to begin to specifically label the kind of music they play.  They combine flavors of music from all over the world, from many different languages, from many different instruments, all executed by many different guests.  It is an unparalleled live show and recording that will get you dancing, or zen-ing out in a corner, contemplating why every other “electronic artist” (haha, there’s that pesky label creeping in again!) isn’t as cool as what these guys consistently mastermind.  I asked Eric and Rob what they would like us Geekscapists to know about their new record, “Radio Retaliation,” and their answer was so complexly simple:  “There’s nothing really to say then just to listen to the music.  It’s a Thievery record.  We wrote the songs, we played the music.  I think we’re really proud of it; it’s our first record in almost four years and the guests on it are great, people like Seu Jorge, who was in The Life Aquatic, Anoushka Shankar, Fela Kuti and Chuck Brown.”  If that isn’t an honest-to-God invitation to experience something unique, then I don’t know what is.

Speaking of unique, here’s what Rory and her lens captured during their electrifying set:

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Day two was awesome.  We’re ready to rest up and rock the final day of the Tenth Ritual.  More to come!

Read on for Day 3 of Voodoo Fest!

 All Photography courtesy of the amazingly talented Rory O’Neill.

Day one of the 2008 Voodoo Music Experience, in New Orleans, Louisiana started out with my friend and photographer, Rory O’Neill, myself and Papa O’Neill, Rory’s Dad, chowing down eggs and biscuits at Slim Goodie’s Diner on Magazine Street.  Once we were fueled with enough butter to give a child a coronary, Rory and I headed out to City Park to start our day.

 

Breakfast!

Breakfast!

After driving in circles trying to find the press parking lot, we checked in and hurried off to meet up with my new favorite person in music, Grace Potter, and her rad tour assistant, Nicole.  Grace Potter has a band called The Nocturnals; three deliciously crunchy dudes, jaunty in their dress, who play their instruments as though life may possibly depend on it.  Over the last while, she’s toured with Gov’t Mule, The Black Crowes, Dave Matthews Band, to name a few.  If anyone is curious as to hear the 21st century version of a young Bonnie Raitt, it’s Grace.

Ham

Grace is a ham.  Bless.

After an unsuccessful attempt to conduct an interview on her bus (which is sponsored by Cabot; Vermont’s finest cheese…..clearly, a girl after my own heart!) we found the next best thing; the back of a vintage black pick-up truck.  (We later discovered the owner of the truck is none other than Frenchy; well-respected local artist.  When Frenchy came to the truck to retrieve something from the passenger side, we quickly apologized for trespassing in the back of his vehicle.  His response?  “Keep creating, keep creating.”  God I love this town.)  Grace and I spilled into the back of the truck to chat, and I found that she is a Jane Austen nerd who loves cheese and sleeping naked.  I know that tantalized you all, but a full interview will follow a bit later!

Truck

Noel and Grace Potter classin’ it up in the back of Frenchy’s truck

VoodooFest tends to fall on Halloween weekend, which gives festival-goers an excuse to dress up.  Actually, some New Orleanians dress up on a weekly basis.  Sadly, this time it’s a bit early for the droves of Halloween costumes Rory was hoping to photograph…..but these guys were ready:

Couple

Clown

Local Flavor

Miller is a sponsor of VoodooFest, and set up their yearly cushy area with plenty of complimentary Miller Lite, Miller High Life and jambalaya for friends and family of the Miller company, of which we are.  And couches.  And a treehouse.  And a hot-tub?  For a second, I thought I was going to see Bret Michaels stroll in with a gaggle of big-haired bikini-clad skanks, but it just sat idle.  Sad.

Toilets

By the way, the johns are this way….just so everyone is clear!

Local R&B singer Marva Wright played at the Preservation Hall Stage.  She was sure to let everyone knew that she is not Etta James, nor is she Irma Thomas.  She is “a brown-skinned woman from New Orleans, Louisiana.”  And boy can she sing.  And with a sparkly hat and outfit to boot, matching the power in her pipes.  No wonder Grace Potter sites her as an influence.

Marva Wright

Marva Wright with her band The BMWs at the Preservation Hall Stage

Joss Stone was next at the Playstation/Billboard.com stage.  The only recognizable qualities of the performance I could decipher from the first time I’d seen her perform, at a small club in New York in 2004, was her hippie-flower-love-child dress and bare feet.  Then, she was akin to a skittish colt who couldn’t figure out how to speak to an audience, how to move her body and how to gallop around a stage.  Now, goodbye colt, hello sexual little filly!  This girl was winking a la Sarah Palin at the male photographers flanking both sides of me in the photo pit.  She was interpreting emotion with her hands.  She was moving around the stage with the confidence of a seasoned professional.  What a difference four years makes.

Joss Stone

Joss Stone likes to sing.  She likes to SING.

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SING Joss, SING!

Find Of The Day:  The Fuse TV Tent!

Way to go, Fuse!  We stumbled into the Fuse tent, who are a sponsor of the festival, for a little shade.  Instead, I made a music video for M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes.”  I picked my backdrop, lip-synched into a microphone, and had a blast.

Fuse

Noel actin’ a fool in the Fuse TV tent

There were computer stations lining the tent for the kids to check their treasured Myspace and Facebook accounts.  Good times.  In the center of the tent, opportunity for ridiculous competition, with a gong for good measure. Clearly, I’m in.  And I drag Rory to join me as my partner.  We completed a round of music trivia against another twosome, hosted by a cute Fuse VJ from Brooklyn.  And WON!  Who, seriously, doesn’t love winning something?  We won t-shirts, and put ourselves in a “winner’s raffle” for an iPod.  Woot.  (Fast forward to later on today after dinner at Camellia Grill when Rory receives a text message from Fuse saying that we have WON the iPod.  Best day ever?  Possibly….)

After more gratis Miller beer, we head to the backstage area at the WWOZ/Southern Comfort stage for Grace Potter and the Nocturnals’ set.  Grace rolls up in fierce fringed pseudo-Pocahontas boots.  Dammit, I love her.  High-fived Grace Potter.  Rory found a spot onstage for some killer photography.  I chillaxed.

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The show starts, and a few songs in I smell smoke and, oddly enough, it’s not marijuana or cigarette.  Song ends, and Grace announces that her organ has caught fire.  She’s such a little organ-playing bad-ass, that it catches fire.  Somehow, makes sense.  She plugs in her guitar and the amp is also not working.  What do you do when you are a multi-instrumentalist and you can’t play any of your instruments because of crazy outside elements? You sing.  You, your band, a mic, and a Nina Simone cover. 

Potter 8

She could have said screw it, and recited bad poetry or Prague’s phone book; the audience would have totally been down.  But instead, she sang.  And we were thrilled.  In introducing her spiritual, “Nothing But The Water (1)” she acknowledged Hurricane Katrina.  In acknowledging what happened, like each of the other artists we saw today, it gave power to the words that would not necessarily be felt otherwise.  The song brought chills to my arms and tears to my eyes.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day, so we retired early.  

Continue on for Noel and Rory’s reports from Day 2 and Day 3 of Voodoo Fest!

If I could be a fly sitting on anyone’s Steinway piano bench, absorbing the process, the humor, the chord structures, the brilliance of any living person, it would be Randy Newman’s. As a songwriter, there are few finer. As a singer, there are many finer. He is one whose flaws make him more appealing. He is old enough to be my Dad. I am old enough to have babysat his youngest child while I was in high school. When (because I believe in the ‘whens’ rather than the ‘ifs’) I meet him someday, I will have to take a lot of deep breaths and check the crazy before opening my mouth and extending my hand.

I love him. I love that he is likely one of the only artists ever to say the word, ‘fuck,’ onstage at Carnegie Hall. I love that he openly talks about cocaine and underage girls in songs. I love that he co-wrote Three Amigos! with Steve Martin and Lorne Michaels, and subsequently voiced the singing bush. I love that he’s been nominated for fifteen Academy Awards and finally won for Monsters, Inc. I love that he calls home to two of my homes, Los Angeles and New Orleans. The background of my MacBook is a candid photo my friend, photographer Erika Goldring took (that ended up in Rolling Stone) of he, Fats Domino and Dr. John backstage at Fats Domino’s 80th birthday party. I love Randy Newman. A lot. Clearly.

Last week, I saw Randy Newman in concert at Carnegie Hall. My friend, Roger, and I mused that we were the youngest people there. (Turns out, we weren’t; a few people brought their elementary-aged children. I’d be willing to bet that their knowledge of Newman’s catalogue was limited to Disney/Pixar.) The last time we were some of the youngest in a sea of baby boomers was when Roger and I saw Boz Scaggs; except that for Boz, The Strokes and their model-girlfriends were in the row behind us. Boz Scaggs more hip than Randy Newman? Guess so.

If there were some sort of award for setlist-making, the winner would be Newman. When the man makes a setlist, he pairs his songs to compliment one another, and to bring out a theme, whether we realize its subtlety or obvious tie. Songs about the south, like “Rednecks” and “Louisiana 1927” are played back-to-back. After speaking of the South, he then spoke to us about God, or a lack thereof, or a lack of one who actually exists to care about humans, in “God’s Song (That’s Why I Love Mankind”). It’s one of my favorites, which is saying a lot. His political songs were in pairs, too, as were his ballads about the women of his life. His transitions from story to story are seamless, and make you feel like you’re listening to some tunes, sitting around a small club, like the Largo on Fairfax (which a lucky few got to do in August, the jerk-faces) rather than in a formal concert hall in New York City named for, and funded by, a robber-baron.

The story-telling quality of country-western songs has always intrigued me. Stories, no matter how trite, are told, and you are left feeling angry or sad for the person in the song. Newman writes songs much in the same kind of quality. He personalizes them by referencing events, specifically, like his Father telling the woman who was to become his second wife about the time Randy walked fourteen kids at a ballgame. Do I have any idea if the story is true? Nope; don’t know, don’t care. He put it in a song from his point of view, and that’s good enough for me. In the next breath, he’s channeling a redneck from Georgia, outraged at Dick Cavett for disrespecting Lester Maddux on late-night television, and writes an entire song, racial expletives non-withstanding, from that person’s point of view.

There’s also that kind of “oh-well-if-you-don’t-like-it, this-is-who-I-am, and-I’m-going-to-give-everyone-a-truth-enema” quality that my Mother employs, (it’s an over-60 thing, I suppose) on the new songs he plays from 2008’s Harps & Angels. I mean, this stance is nothing new for Newman, but it seems like he makes it a mission with the current record, on songs such as ‘A Piece Of The Pie,’ ‘Laugh And Be Happy,’ and ‘Korean Parents.’ I hope that young artists look to him to write what really is on their minds, and care less about a major recording contract. At the end of the day, it’s about not being afraid to assert who you are that changes an art form.

As I listen to a buffet of narratives from the family-friendly, to the offensive and funny, to the heartbreaking, to the groundbreaking, all in the course of one night, I am truly astounded at all that this man has accomplished. I mean, do other people think that he’s ridiculously amazing, or is it just me? It’s totally cool to publicly dig and quote Bob Dylan, and Tom Waits, and Neil Young (which I totally do, dude) and all, but Randy Newman? We can’t really tag the man as “under the radar;” I did change my plane ticket to be sure to see him at this years’ JazzFest in New Orleans, and he drew a large crowd. Is he the nerd music-equivalent of being more moved by Iron Man than by The Dark Knight? Meeting heroes can be some of the weirdest experiences ever, but I think it might be more weird for Newman, the self-proclaimed “froggish man, unpleasant to see” to meet someone so young, and female, that desires nothing more than sharing a pot of tea and learning his secrets to life. Someday, Randy. Until then, keep blowing us away with your art.

Songs By Randy Newman That You Probably Know (Or Didn’t Realize Was His Work):

  • “I Love L.A.” (“We love it! We love it!”)
  • “Short People” (“They got little noses, and tiny little teeth, they wear platform shoes on their nasty little feet”)
  • “Mama Told Me Not To Come” (was a hit for Three Dog Night)
  • “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” (from Toy Story)
  • “I Think It’s Going To Rain Today” (Bette Midler sang this in Beaches and was also covered by Nina Simone, Dusty Springfield, Audra McDonald, etc etc etc. Your mother probably owns a version of this on vinyl.)
  • “Feels Like Home” (Recorded in the early nineties by Linda Ronstadt and also by Chantal Kreviazuk, which was in How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. Why do I know that? Right, because this is a website called Geekscape. Clearly.)
  • “Louisiana 1927” (Written before Hurricane Katrina, as a commentary on the flood of 1927. Post-Katrina, it has become an anthem, covered by a multitude of New Orleans musicians)
  • “Mr. President Have Pity On the Working Man” (Even more relevant under the current administration, this song was featured on the soundtrack to Forrest Gump)

Noel’s Recommended Randy Newman Playlist:

  • “Little Boxes” (Weeds fans unite!)
  • “It’s Money That I Love” (“They say that money can’t buy love in this world, but it’ll get you a half-pound of cocaine and a sixteen year old girl)
  • “The World Isn’t Fair” (Who doesn’t love a song about Marxism? “I’m glad I’m living in the land of the free, where the rich just get richer and the poor you don’t ever have to see”)
  • “Real Emotional Girl” (“For eighteen years she lived at home, she was Daddy’s little girl, and Daddy helped her move out on her own, she met a boy, he broke her heart, and now she lives alone, and she’s very very careful, yes she is, she’s a real emotional girl”)
  • “Love Story” (Sorry Randy, but I’m recommending Harry Nilsson’s cover instead)
  • “God’s Song (That’s Why I Love Mankind)” (I warn you that if you are ultra-religious, you won’t love it, so please move to the next…)
  • “My Life Is Good” (Where else can you find a song that name-checks Bruce Springsteen, mentions adultery, a parent-teacher conference and getting good coke for out-of-town guests? Thanks, Randy.)
  • “A Few Words In Defense Of Our Country” (Which I mentioned in my story on New Orleans JazzFest. I’m still maintaining that you download.)
  • “Political Science” (“No one likes us, I don’t know why, we may not be perfect but heaven knows we try, but all around even our old friends put us down, let’s drop the big one and see what happens”)

 

  • “A Piece Of The Pie” (“It stinks here low and high, some get rich and others just get by, Bono’s off in Africa—he’s never around, the country turns its lonely eyes to who?—Jackson Browne”)

 

Who is Dr. Dog?  The answer is probably so simple that it is complicated, and so complicated that it cannot help but be simple.  In a world that is saturated by the heads of media telling us how we should feel about a movie, a Presidential candidate, the nutritional contents of our lunch, our human experience, it is the moments where you stop and truly observe what has happened around you, that make it worth getting from your bedroom to your front door each day.  In the case of music, a piece of kismet can exist when it seems like nothing else can ever be the same after you hear a new album.  In music, like fashion, like politics, everything old is new again.  Dr. Dog can’t help but be compared to The Four Guys From Liverpool Who Changed Pop Music, The Canadians Who Backed Up Bob Dylan and The Dudes From L.A. Who Liked To Use Crazy Instruments And Harmonize, but then again, they also weren’t raised in an isolated world without music, given instruments and subsequent formal classical and jazz training, and taught how to use Pro-Tools.  They did, however, create something beautiful and real, called “Fate,” which is now available on Park The Van Records.

Unless you make a habit of attending large-scale music festivals, reading  hip magazines, and paying attention to best-of lists for 2007, you probably haven’t heard of them.  It’s totally cool, though; because this is the kind of band that will renew your faith in the cream rising to the top, regardless of how humble a beginning, or how lucky a break.

“Best” is a word that I hesitate to use in life, which probably stems from the fact that my only official ‘best friend,’ Abbey Edwards, broke my heart in elementary school when she not only ditched me for cooler girls, she discarded her half of our ‘best friends’ necklace.  I would say, without hesitation or hyperbole, that Dr. Dog is the best band from Pennsylvania, and one of the best bands of our generation.  “Fate” like 2007’s critically acclaimed, “We All Belong,” takes you in from the first few measures, and demands that you keep listening. 

“Fate” is a smorgasbord of what you need in a record.  Killer opening guitar riffs?  Check! (“My Friend”) Hark!  Is that a metronome?  Whoa!  And some fierce drums?  (“Uncovering The Old”) Tasty shakers and sultry vocals? (“Hang On”) Lyrics that are effectively simple: ‘If you’re always on the go, make an angel in the snow, and freeze…If nothing ever moves, put that needle to the groove, and sing’ (the gorgeous, “The Breeze”)  There is an abundance of lush orchestrations, enhanced by the not-at-all-overbearing presence of woodwind, horns and stringed instruments, driving drums and bass lines, but with an almost-choral sounding harmony vocals.  This record is a delicious new treat.

When I first heard Scarlett Johansson’s debut album, “Anywhere I Lay My Head”, it got me thinking about how many other actors there were out there who made records. Well, there were a lot. So, I trudged through quite a few to compile this list for you. These are the worst of the worst. The repeat offenders. These songs make you wonder what the hell is going on in the recording industry, and then realize that it’s full of a lot of people who take themselves, and their singing abilities, far too seriously. Feel free to thank me later. (Seriously, this was a painful undertaking – let’s talk musical bullets…)

#10. Milla Jovovich – She lands in spot #10 on this list because her voice isn’t terrible. In fact, at some notes it can be almost pretty. However her music for the most part is an almost comical Ukranian pop. Now, I certainly understand this given her roots; but it doesn’t make for compelling music outside of her home country. Another aspect of her musical talents that is almost comical is the music video for her lone single “Gentlemen Who Fell”. The expression she makes at some points in the video made me laugh like a mad woman…her eyes almost bulge from her face, Total Recall style. And what’s with the grim reaper character? Milla is a beautiful, talented woman…she’s just not a musician.

 

 

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eSCFAxxCO7Q 

#9. Russell Crowe – Yes, Russell Crowe is in a band, well was…errr….is? The actor’s most recent band is The Ordinary Fear of God; however back in the 90’s he was the front-man for 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. However sultry and smooth Crowe’s voice may be on screen, it doesn’t translate that well to music. He isn’t able to hit a lot of notes, and the ones he does hit he can’t actually hold for any length of time. It’s a good thing that almost nobody heard his music, otherwise it might have tainted his career!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lIwKkF50tMc&feature=related


#8. Bruce Willis –
Willis released three albums during his career, the first two were in the 80’s and the latest, “Classic Bruce Willis” in 2001. For some reason, as bad as his albums were, I feel inclined to not give Willis too much hell about it. Here’s why:

He seems like a pretty stand up guy in personal matters of his life. Let’s take for example his divorce from Demi Moore. The pair never fought in public and have acted like adults and friends throughout the entire ordeal. Also, Willis’ career is the stuff that dreams are made of. And finally, he’s managed to stay alive and important in Hollywood since 1980…that is a very remarkable feat to accomplish in an extremely fickle business. Now, don’t get me wrong, the man is not a singer (please, please never buy his music) and his albums are absolutely terrible – but he didn’t sell himself out as much as let’s say… Hasselhoff.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=C8mL_QM6jEU&feature=related

#7. Jennifer Love Hewitt – She broke out into the music scene around the same time that she started garnering moderate successes within her acting career…and her music is bad enough to be on this list. For some reason she made it big in Asia, so record companies let her continue to put out music; needless to say, she didn’t have too much commercial success in the US. She is talented enough to help write her own music, but it’s so damn syrupy-sweet and sugar-coated that it makes you want to gag and leaves you grasping for water. Her voice rubs me the same way. I feel as though I could get diabetes from listening to more than one song. I know a lot of people with diabetes and I don’t want to get that from a song.

And she, like the other women on this list, runs the risk of appearing to be selling not only her vocals, but her body as well. Alas, little Jenn Love’s musical pitfalls haven’t hurt her career in the least; as she continues to grace the covers of men’s magazines flaunted as a sex-symbol and has managed to stay afloat with an acting career that, while not Oscar worthy, is quite consistent.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IiNRBijQ2XU

#6. Jennifer Lopez – It is a fact that JLo can dance and sometimes she can even act; but what she cannot do is sing. The diva’s songs fall terribly short when she doesn’t have someone like Nas or P. Diddy to help her through and it seems as though she can only hit one note. Thanks to a large budget and friends in good places, her beats aren’t too awful, but the writing is ridiculous:

I stay grounded as the amounts roll in…I’m down to Earth like this…

I somehow think most of America might disagree. She sings these lines while wearing nothing but high heels, red lipstick and a fur coat. Her songs constantly speak of how she came from humble beginnings to finally make it big in the business, but let’s all be serious…she hasn’t been “Jenny From The Block” in a long long time, so who exactly is she trying to convince? Her music videos beg one question- what exactly is she trying to put on the market? I get the feeling that it’s not her vocal stylings….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iyZr0xBUR_E

#5. Keanu Reeves – Given that the actor has only one look (and it’s nowhere near as good as Blue Steel) what could we really ever expect from his band? Dogstar released their first album in 1996, shortly after Reeves’ film success with Speed. The band was never really commercially successful and it’s really no surprise at all. They tried to play on the grunge/ alternative rock movement that was making waves in the 90’s…but with some odd cover songs plucked from previous decades. The vocalist cannot sing…he sounds as though he is in pain when trying to do so, and the songs are boring and bland. I realize that even movie stars need to have hobbies, but why do we have to be subjected to them?

Link: No one should have to look at (or listen to) Keanu any more than necessary.

#4. Scarlett Johansson – You would think that it would be enough for one person to be both Woody Allen’s “muse” and one of the most beautiful women on the planet…not for Scarlett Johansson; she had to record an album too! I really wanted to like her record, and I swear I tried to do so, but it just wasn’t going to happen. So not only did Scarlett give herself the difficult task of recording said album, she decided that the material was going to be solely Tom Waits cover songs. This is really where she went wrong. Her voice, though smoky and sexy on screen, isn’t nearly complex enough on this album…instead it falls abruptly flat. She never came close to rekindling the fire that Waits had, even though it sounds like she really tried to. The whole thing sounds like something anyone could whip up with Garage Band – this album does not sound like a major label debut.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_27vvvStXI

#3. Steven Seagal – Ok, really. How the hell did Seagal get a record contract? Who is seeing his movies and listening to his music? I don’t get it. Where does someone get the idea that Seagal should even record an album in the first place? The “singer”, and I use that term very loosely here, struggles heavily through the vocals on both records released: “Mojo Priest” and “Songs From The Crystal Cave”- album titles that sound more like awful movies that he starred in. Seagal is heavily backed with decent musicians, so if you do decide to listen to his music, please don’t confuse the two. The worst part about the whole endeavor is that he seems to take himself seriously…trying to play guitar and sing…which seems to just be too big a feat for him to tackle – and this time he doesn’t have his stunt double.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7Qw5bKTBQE4

#2. Joe Pesci – Ok, Who didn’t love “My Cousin Vinny”? Really…classic movie. However, it seems that Joe Pesci just couldn’t let it go. About six years after “Vinny” premiered, Pesci recorded one of the worst albums ever, “Vincent Laguardia Gambini Sings Just For You”, a stereotypical and cliche homage to his character in the film. For some inane reason every song on the disc is explicit (Did they really think cursing would add something to this record?). It’s hard not to laugh as Pesci basically talks his way through the entirety, spouting nonsense such as

“I’m a wiseguy…

[insert Mr. Rogers theme song melody]

lovely day in the neighborhood

lovely day in the neighborhood

for a drive by”.

Not only can Pesci not sing…nor does he really even attempt to, but I sincerely hope that whoever wrote the lyrics for this record has never worked since. This album has no redeeming qualities and it makes you sit back and wonder how hard it really is to get a record deal with Sony.

Shortened-edited version of a song…this is really all anyone should ever have to sit through. It’s so bad, you have to watch it…maybe that’s its appeal…hmmm….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=TTKGO20nxNs

#1. David Hasselhoff- Yes, Germans know beer and yes, they know cars…but what they don’t have a clue about is music – apparently. Enter David Hasselhoff – huge in Germany, ridiculed in every other western country. This guy has recorded more albums that I originally thought, and I knew he had at least a few under his belt. Hasselhoff was clearly not meant to be a singer. He shifts between a pseudo sexy whisper and a wailing cry more than KITT shifted gears. He’s mostly off key and sounds like he is taking his singing as seriously as he did his character on Baywatch. His songs all sound like they were recorded on an old Casio keyboard with crappy 90’s sound effects strewn throughout for good measure. Even more cheesy, however, are his music videos…check out “Hooked on a Feeling” for a strong belly laugh (it totally makes you understand his desire to drink). The only time I want to be watching David is when he is on his floor eating burgers and breaking promises 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8

There are a few actors who sing and don’t actually suck. Yes, there are exceptions to the general rule. Here are some honorable mentions:

Will Smith – I don’t think he deserves a Grammy or anything, but he can sing and his songs have good rhythm. He’s very pop meets safe hip-hop, but he still deserves the airplay he got. Unarguably, Smith is a better actor than musician, but the man seems to be able to do anything with at least some charisma.

She + Him- Zoey Deschanel’s indie rock project is actually good. Everyone who saw Elf knows the girl can sing, but this album proves she’s got a little more soul than other cookie cutter groups.

30 Seconds to Mars – I think I would have less of a problem with this band if Jared Leto had less of an ego – we can wish can’t we? But, in all honesty, their songs are decent and commercially viable. And it doesn’t hurt that Leto isn’t exactly ugly. They certainly don’t deserve to be on the other part of this list…yet.

This past weekend, Kanye West thought it was a good idea to piss off an entire audience full of people by starting his performance at 4:30 in the morning after they had waited for hours. While Geekscape can’t save you if an artist dicks you over, our very own Noel Nocciolo (aka Ears on the Pulse) is here to offer some friendly advice to keep you from getting beat up by girls this summer.

I recently attended a concert and had one of the most bizarre experiences I’ve ever encountered at a show of ANY kind, ever. As a result, I started thinking about Concert etiquette, and how it is not really something you learn in cotillion, or from books; like when I read Tiffany’s Table Manners For Children in my youth. With the emergence of modern rock and popular music, the times have changed us. Whether we realize it or not, or even CARE to realize it, our experience as a spectator changes with the times.

The event, which precipitated my writing this, was seeing Jakob Dylan and his band, the Gold Mountain Rebels, at the Blender Theatre At Gramercy in New York City. I was invited by my friend, Stefanie, who manages bands and runs a record label, and as a result of both of those things, (as well as an overall love for music) she attends an enormous amount of shows annually. Stefanie is a huge fan of Jakob Dylan and his Father, Bob, respectively. After having what proved to be a religious experience with her months prior, in the front row for Bob Dylan (with Elvis Costello opening, solo-acoustic) at which time we actually made and held eye contact, no joke, with the Man Himself, I was thrilled to come with her to another Dylan Family Experience.

In case you are unfamiliar, Jakob Dylan = Smolderingly sexy. Talented. Wears a crisp suit or suit-like outfit. And chill. This is not a trip to the Warped Tour. This is a crowd that would be at home seeing Counting Crows. Granted, the venues’ air-conditioning was out in New York City’s record-breaking June heat, but the show was also sold out, and people were there to be entertained. We dealt with it, and frankly, I’ve experienced worse heat for great art (cough cough, AUSTIN CITY LIMITS).

I am voluntarily becoming the Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt for Rock-Concert Etiquette. I shall highlight some things to consider when venturing out of one’s home for a show. Let us begin.

1) The first point I shall make known is a kind reminder that a concert in a public place is not a private jam-session in your living room. If you have a half a million or more dollars sitting around to pay your favorite artist to come over and play for you in the privacy of your own home, then you may disregard. Sorry folks, but this is not how it works for (most) of us. There are other people watching the show, too. You do not have to purchase drinks for these other people, become best friends or braid their hair, just acknowledge that they, too, paid money to come out to the show (or they, too, are on someone’s guest list and have a vested interest in the artist.)

2) Since this is not a private jam-session, in which you’re choosing the set list, the artist is NOT obligated to play the songs you scream out in the quiet in-between-songs portion of the show. If you are in the front section of the venue, chances are that he or she will hear you the FIRST or SECOND time you yell for a particular tune. To continue to yell out a request, not once, not twice, but FIFTEEN TIMES THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT, is not only obnoxious and disrespectful to those around you, it is disrespectful to the artist who is fulfilling his or her end of the bargain and is playing for their allotted time. They picked a set list! Though they do not travel with a stone carver who etches such set lists into permanence each night before the show, it still exists! And the artist will play whatever they darn well please! If you are not feeling it, you may leave, or go to another stop on the tour and hope for your Dream Show. But please, pretty please with sugar sprinkles on top, do not continue to yell for something, be it the obscure or the Top-Forty hit. The artist knows how he or she wants their show to go. This is their job, be it glamorous or unconventional, it is what puts money in their pocket, and breakfast cereal on their kid’s table. Do outside people enter your office job and demand you change the font on your Word program?

3) I’ve been ‘That Person Holding Up Their Cell Phone At A Show’ and I’m sure you have, too. The backlight of a cell phone has become the lighter-in-the-air of our generation, except that with a cellie, you’re sharing the experience of the show across the miles with your unlucky friend who either 1) wasn’t so lucky on ticketmaster.com when the show tickets went on sale or 2) lives elsewhere but still wanted to hear *insert song title here* if, like, ohmygod they played it. If you choose to be that person, please be discreet about calling and holding up the phone. Not everyone around you wants the vibe to be compromised by your cell phone backlight. It’s just not as sexy as the lighter-in-the-air.

4) My friend-from-college, Mariel, with whom I’ve shared two Bonnaroos and two Langerados, and many miles on the road to and from, thought I should definitely mention how this ‘humble’ writer took the pen that was holding my messy summertime hair in place, and deflated several beach balls during the first few songs of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers’ headlining set at Bonnaroo 2006. While you might be shocked by this, yes, I do realize now that I was being a pain in the ass (sorry, Emily Post, but this is rock and roll) and ruining people’s fun, but when a living legend is trying to perform, is it so wrong for him not to be distracted by beach balls? And is it so wrong for him to not have to dodge stray balls while he’s playing? Is it so wrong for us, who have waited patiently for his set to begin to not be hit in the face by your “summer festival fun props?” These are all important questions of Concert Courtesy, kids.

Though I’ve related the Bob Dylan concert with Stefanie to be a ‘religious experience’ (I can count Tori Amos, Tom Waits, Wilco, Bjork, Arcade Fire, and on and on and on among these experiences) we are not in church. No one is suggesting that you be muted in your prayer. You can talk! You can laugh if the artist makes jokes! You can clap and yell appreciatively! You can be psyched when he finally plays that B-side that only the hard-core fans know after you’ve seen ten shows this tour! But how about when you do all these things, you don’t carry on a conversation with your friend as though you are in Starbucks having a venti double no-foam latte, without coming up for air whatsoever. Please do not be this person. You are only going to irk everyone around you and be shushed like a kindergartener. We are not in kindergarten. We are all adults. Why spend money on concert tickets when you can put their album on at home and talk incessantly with your friends? Please spare us all and stay home.

Respect the artist, respect your fellow fans, and have a wonderful, polite experience. Please tip your bartender, and get home safely.

The above photo is compliments of the indie band Racing Kites, currently on tour this summer. Check out their dates and music at www.myspace.com/racingkites and on a near future episode of Geekscape.

Editor’s Warning – I’m telling you now. This review has spoilers. It does not fuck around. It does not pull punches. I got about 2 lines into it before I was like “no way. spoilers. everywhere.” and I do NOT want to ruin this experience for myself. When I one day have it. In a magical world called Never. But luckily, our own Noel Nocciolo was incredible enough to dig down deep and write this up for you all…

When Sex And The City aired originally on HBO, I was in college in New York City. Looking back, the series provided major memories for me, both good and bad. It seemed fitting that I attend the 12:01 a.m. screening on opening night, with Rachel, a close friend from college, at the movie theatre within walking distance from where we went to school. Granted, the theatre is on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, hotbed of the kind of people who make up the target demographic, but it was still shocking to see that we weren’t the only ones who got there with much (two hours) to spare, to snag our six seats together in the back of the theatre. The crowd was a sea of twenty and thirty-something New York women and the gay men who love them, and Rachel’s Mom, Shira, Nate, Rachel’s boyfriend, and Andrew, our friend, who proudly represented the straight male sub-group in the crowd of rabid ‘Sex’ fans.

I warn you, Do NOT see this movie in the theatre unless you were a fan of the show. It’s not worth your (in our case, a few days’ advance purchase price of twelve dollars; everything is more expensive in New York) money if you didn’t have investment in the lives of these four women. I can imagine the movie, in its two hours and thirty minutes, would suck your brain into designer vapid-ness unless you actually really cared. I cared, and I was still caught thinking about how many outfits, shoes, accessories and product placement went into the movie.

I’m going to have to see it again, by myself, in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, a few weeks from now. For the present, let me share with you a few likes and dislikes. There will be spoilers, so be sure your girlfriend isn’t reading over your shoulder.

The Men:

STEVE: Sorry, but I’ve never really liked Steve. I know he was written to be this great guy for Type-A-Miranda-The-Harvard-Law-Graduate-Attorney, but there was just something about him that annoyed the living shit out of me during the series. I actually felt badly for him when it was revealed that he and Miranda hadn’t had sex in six months; especially since we had been privy to them having sex, (and a lot of it, as a monogamous couple), during the series. I took my feelings back when he revealed that he had cheated, once, on Miranda. I wished that he would have then faded into the proverbial sunset, but instead, they reconciled through marital counseling, overall forgiveness, and a scene on the Brooklyn Bridge that had one of our straight-male friends weeping. I say…..ok, whatever, Steve.….But sometimes the cheese stands alone.

HARRY: He’s a sweet guy, but don’t expect too much out of him in the movie. Not to sound like an art-school jerk, but if the director gave him ‘objectives’ in which to act, his overall objective in the movie would be “to be really sweet at all times.” Boring, yes, but this has always been a show about the relationships between the four friends.

SMITH: He’s a sweet guy, and gorgeous, but don’t expect to learn anything at all about him other than the fact that he’s now Big In L.A. and has a sweet beachfront mansion in Malibu. He stepped up to the plate the last season of the show in his support for Samantha and her battle with breast cancer. Don’t expect anything else remotely exciting here.

BIG: I Always liked Big over Aidan and The Russian, even if he broke Carrie’s heart (on the series and again, as I discovered, in the movie) and acted like an asshole. (Sorry, feminists everywhere.) Big Problem? (pun intended) How can you expect an audience (mostly female, of course) to be satisfied with a happy ending when two hours earlier, you left your forty-plus-year old, never-been-married intended at the altar (or in this case, the ballroom of the New York Public Library) in bridal couture? Sorry dude, you’ve always had a supporter in me, but WTF? I’m supposed to be psyched when he pulls his head from his ass, when its finally resolved and they have the simple City Hall wedding like they had previously planned? It’s hard to be supportive if, like Carrie said over and over, regarding the day of their wedding, “he couldn’t get out of the car?” To then be ok with the show’s central character getting married, as a happily-ever-after resolve? I’m not ok with this. Please don’t deposit my bare, exposed, backside on fresh cement at the beginning of the film and expect me to still like you at the end.

Things That Caused Me To Raise An Eyebrow:

–What happened to Marcus, Stanford’s Broadway-dancing, Hamptons summer-home co-owning Mensch of a boyfriend? No mention at all. No cameo at all.

–Why did Anthony and Stanford, both bitchy, both obviously not into one another during series, share an awkward New Year’s kiss?

–Who is Jennifer Hudson’s Agent/Manager/Publicist/Personal Fairy-Godmother/Guardian Angel, and how did this person guide Hudson, who looked like she was reading her lines off a teleprompter next to the camera, into a role with so much screen-time next to Sarah Jessica Parker?

–Where was the “Carrie” necklace that had so many scenes in the series?

Things That Made Me Happy The Movie Was Made:

–Charlotte ran away with the film. She, quite literally, poops her pants in Mexico, tells Big off in grand style, and provides the ‘Lioness Protecting Her Cub’ facial expression and loving arms for Carrie when jilted by Big. Way to work it, Kristin Davis.

–Carrie Bradshaw started the series a writer, and ended the series a writer. She provided her signature fly-on-the-wall narrative of her life and the life of her friends. She sat in front of her laptop. She published books. She stayed Carrie.

–Though a total bummer of a “New Years Sadness/Happiness Montage With God-Awful Cover of Auld Lane Syne in the background” we got to see Miranda alone with Chinese food. It brought me back to the gems of scenes in the series when, though cross-town, Miranda and Carrie would share profound phone conversations before bedtime.

–Seeing Samantha stand up for the woman/slut/fierce bitch that she is, in L.A., in New York, in Mexico. We see that she fought breast cancer and came out swinging, and the girls finally revealed/acknowledged her age on the show. (Samantha is 50, in case you were thrown by all the frame-by-frame airbrushing for all four women)

This was a nostalgic two hours and thirty minutes. Though I laughed aloud quite a bit, it was not as funny as it could have been, and heavier, perhaps, than it should have been. This is not Academy-Award winning art, but instead a mark of the end of an era of over-the-top fashion, frankness of sexual encounters and interpersonal relationships between four strong, intelligent women living in the wonderful metropolis of New York City. Carpe Diem.

And now here is our very own Eric Diaz (who you may all know forum-style as Eric AD) with his review of this powerhouse that puts the “jugs” back into the words Box Office Juggernaut. Use the comments below to answer truthfully: Which Sex & The City girl would you go for? You know I’m a coug man so Kim Cattral is in. And the other one (Kristen Davis) that’s not Kerri or the Red Head is cool in my book too. Here’s Eric’s impressions:

For tons of men all over the world, the likes of Iron Man and Indiana Jones were the most anticipated movies of the summer season, but for millions of women and gay men like myself, tt was Sex and the City: The Movie that we were counting down to ( OK, I was counting down to it quite a bit less than the super hero popcorn flicks…I guess even for me, Geek trumps Gay. But it was close! ) For those few who don’t know, the show was about four women in their thirties and forties in Manhattan and their various sexual and romantic adventures. There’s nympho forty – ish ad exec Samantha Jones, ( Kim Cattral ) acerbic lawyer Miranda Hobbs ( Cynthia Nixon ), prudish Charlotte York, ( Kristen Davis ) and at the center of it all, sex columnist Carrie Bradshaw played by Sarah Jessica Parker.

Much of the show’s drama unfolded around Carrie’s on again/ off again relationship with the elusive “Mr Big” played by Chris Noth, as well as several other men in between. When Sex premiered on HBO back in 1998, there had never been anything like it before. Here were women who talked about sex the same way men do, who were accomplished and witty and not just the sidearm to the male characters. Single urban women all over the country embraced the show as theirs, and gay men realized that at least on occasion, some of these women were really gay men in disguise ( no doubt because the show’s creator and at least two head writers were gay, including future comic book scribe Allan Heinberg ) the show was an instant pop culture phenomenon, not just among women and gay guys, but a lot of straight men loved it too, or at least pretended to back when it was the “It” show.

Now however, four years after Sex and the City went off the air, straight men act like it’s the bane of their existence…like watching the show will make their dicks fall off or something. It’s lumped in with “chick shows” like the stuff they show on the Lifetime Network. But I don’t think any of those shows ever had women talk about whether or not they should make their man take wheat grass shots to make their semen taste better. Or whether or not they should shave their pussies into cute little shapes to please their fellas, or the politics of letting someone pee on you in the shower. I’ve always detected the stench of misogyny whenever a guy greatly dislikes this show, as if women can only be sexual if A: Men are the ones doing the sexualizing or B: The women are ridiculously hot in a non real way and under the age of 25. How any guy could dislike a show that encouraged a whole generation of girls to casual sex is beyond me. Of course, I will give some men the benefit of the doubt if their only exposure to the show has been in it’s greatly neutered syndication run. Every time I chance upon a rerun of the show on TBS or something I cringe. It reminds me of the TV edits of The Breakfast Club when I was a kid, and I get flashbacks to Judd Nelson yelling “Fail You!” instead of just saying “Fuck You” to the Principal. What’s the point? The crassness is a great part of the show’s charm…without it, it’s not really the same show.

But as much as I love the show, I have to admit I kind of hated how the series ended. For all the ridiculousness of the sexcapades on the show, it actually was pretty realistic in it’s portrayal of relationships. So when the notoriously non committal and frankly kind of selfish “Mr. Big” suddenly decides to change his ways and sweep Carrie Bradshaw off her feet in a fairy tale ending….I secretly hated it. All the women of America gushed, bet as a viewer I kind of felt betrayed. Whatever it might have been, Sex and the City never fed their viewers that kind of bullshit before. After spending six years telling their mostly female audience that it’s ok to be single, even if your are in your thirties, and not to settle for some asshole just in an effort not to be alone, the show kind of betrayed it’s own premise.

So I was prepared for the worst when they announced the movie. The trailer didn’t help either; it looked sappy and hokey, and worst of all neutered, as if it was trying to cater to all the fans that only discovered the show via it’s virtually sex-less syndication run ( In other words: Your Mom ) Not to mention, reunions are more often than not at least somewhat disappointing, missing that certain something that the ensemble had before. Sure, I missed the girls, but thanks to the magic of DVD, they had never really gone away for me. Did I, or the world, really need a Sex and the City Movie??

Well, no…probably not. But I’m sure glad we got one anyway. Sex and the City is not a great film, or really even a film in the traditional sense. It’s essentially 4 or 5 episodes strung along to a 2 1/2 hour running time. Nothing is structurally changed from the way the show was written or shot or acted, except maybe the title credits. But while Sex may not have been a great film, what it was was the Series Finale I wanted four years ago and didn’t get. Instead of everything being tied up in a nice convenient bow at the end, the movie actually shows that fairy tale endings are indeed bullshit…but that doesn’t mean that the ending has to be an unhappy one either. The ensemble never misses a beat, and their chemistry is there like it was just yesterday that the show wrapped. The one fear I did have however, that the big screen version proved to be a more neutered version of the show proved to be totally true. There was very little Sex in this particular City, even from stalwart Samantha, who you could always count on for at least one raunchy scene. Or three. And the addition of Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson to the ensemble as Carrie’s new assistant is kind of pointless. She’s not around long enough in the movie to really become “one of the girls” and her whole role could have been easily filled by say, Charlotte, who had the least amount of screen time of the four women. And while the TV show was famous for name dropping labels, the move takes it to a whole new level. But whatever, these are really minor quibbles for me. It was great to see the girls again, and if this is the last time we see the four of them together, then I’m ok with that. I think it’s best to go out leaving people wanting more, and that’s just what Sex and the City does so well.

As I mentioned in a previous article, my Mom saw the Beatles three times as a teenager.

The first time, August 1964 at the Hollywood Bowl, was a night of firsts. It was The Beatles’ first United States tour and also the first time Mom borrowed her parents’ car to drive into Hollywood. She would later do this often and don a fake-ID to go dancing at the Whiskey-A-Go-Go, but that is for another article. She left around noon for an 8:00pm show. The drive from Pasadena, where she lived, to the Capitol Records building on Hollywood and Vine (where the label had provided buses to the Bowl) took about forty minutes, but she and her friend, Marian, wanted to be sure they arrived in time, so they allowed the entire afternoon. As they were on the freeway, the radio DJ revealed the address in Benedict Canyon where the Fab Four were staying, so they pulled off and drove up the canyon to try their luck. Other eager young ladies did the same, and by the time Mom and Marian arrived, the grounds of the house were littered with nothing but sad fans. I found out years later that one of my Mom’s best friends to this day, also attended this show, and had also driven up the canyon to this mystical house. She, though, took her fandom to a whole new level and filled up a vial with water from the swimming pool where George, her favorite Beatle, had supposedly swam in earlier that day. I wonder where that water ended up… But I digress. Before the show, Mom kept reiterating how she didn’t understand why people screamed at concerts; it was SUCH a silly thing to do. Of course, she ate her words when the band opened with her favorite song, “Twist And Shout”- she was on her feet dancing and screaming at the top of her lungs for the entire duration of the show.

The second time was in August of 1965 at the Hollywood Bowl, also with Marian. This tour, there were two shows of which she only attended one. (In recounting this, she was chided by Her Dear Daughter that she wasn’t a very good fan. Clearly, I would have attended both shows, and seriously contemplated borrowing the car to drive to the Cow Palace in San Francisco the next night…) She also had no details to offer from this show; a result Smartass Daughter Noel said was due to her (non-existent, actually) pot-smoking.

The last time was in August of 1966 at Dodger Stadium, with Marian and two other friends, one of which flew home early from Europe to attend. This was to be the second-to-last Beatles show ever (third-to=last if you count the roof of Apple Studios) and Mom and her friends were among the group who famously rushed the gates of center field to get at the band. They didn’t get very far, but if you ever see the archival footage, you can see my teenaged-Mother and her posse of friends whom she still has to this day.

On Thursday night, May 15 into Friday morning, May 16, 2008, I partook in fandom that was the closest thing I have ever seen, or probably will ever see, to resembling Beatlemania. New Kids On The Block (or NKOTB, depending on which era and which record label we’re choosing to recognize) gave their first public performance in fifteen years on the Today Show, and I, among hundreds of other die-hards, went to witness all of the glory… about seven hours before it even began!

Noel in the Crowd

Now Listen Up: I Am Not, I Repeat, AM NOT Comparing The New Kids To The Beatles. I’m not stupid, people, and I sure as hell know better than that to go down that road. (Oh, and Snobby McMusic-Snob; if you’re reading: I may have attended an N’Sync concert, and Britney ((twice)) but I also went to Cream’s reunion on opening night at Madison Square Garden, AND have seen Radiohead ((twice)) so nyah…. I know what’s up, biatch, and I don’t think you wanna play).

What I WILL compare is the level of fan-dom of the two groups. The word ‘fan’ is derived from ‘fanatic,’ which causes people to react in fanatical ways. Like my Mother and her friends trekking to the house on Benedict Canyon, New Kids fans are die-hard. Period. They will wait in line for a full two days before the show in order to be in the front row. They will insist that their Mom in Canada search through the boxes in the basement to find a New Kids sweatshirt and send it for them to wear to the show. They will dig out their over-sized buttons, hats, silk-screened t-shirts and acid-washed jean jackets. They will finally open the package containing a New Kids flag for the occasion- a flag that, until now, had remained untouched in its pure form and with price-tag attached, waiting for an occasion such as this one to debut its glory. These fans have been waiting fifteen years, still harboring the love from their youth. In this fickle world of ours, especially in a music climate that goes from trend to trend, God bless us for holding on.

The show was really, really fun. They played a medley of the hits, “(You Got It) The Right Stuff” (But this time with a dancehall backbeat… odd? To me, yes.), “Hangin’ Tough,” “Please Don’t Go Girl,” and “Step By Step.” When I hear ‘medley’ I think, ‘cheesy junior high choir concert,’ but somehow it just worked. We heard the new single, (yes, there is a new album coming!) “Summertime” and fan-favorite, “Tonight” in its entirety. “Tonight” prompted the fans to fill Rockefeller Plaza and its surrounding area with insanity, in the vein of my Mom and “Twist And Shout,” over forty years ago. It also prompted a text message from a friend (whose first concert and love was New Kids On The Block. Upon them breaking up she became an even bigger Fleetwood Mac fan) which read, “OMFG-today is the second-best day of my life.” (The first for her was when she saw the Mac perform “Sara” off the “Tusk” record…again, fodder for another article, I’m sure).

What touched me the most about the show, was just before their interview, when I noticed how taken aback Jonathan Knight was by all of the signs, screaming and sheer number of people. Granted, in the hey-day of this group, it was blaringly apparent that there were millions of fans worldwide, but that was a long while back. He is the only member who has not pursued a career in entertainment after the New Kids. Watching him take all of it (us) in was like watching a kid on Christmas morning opening an XBOX. And not THIS kid:

If nothing else, the tour is going to be a whole lot of fun, not to mention the guaranteed college tuition for the kids of the New Kids.

Myself? I am still recovering from staying out all night. Clearly I’m not the kid I once was. Judging by the fact that the keys of all of the songs have been lowered to fit their changed-voices, neither are they. Tired or not, I couldn’t help but giggle in joy at the sight of it all; we may all grow up, but some things will always make you a Kid again.

Major, major thanks to my friend, Kasey Gomien, for taking all of these pictures and filming the video portion of this piece. Kasey Rocks! Enjoy the visual journey that is The New Kids on the Block Reunion!

Dedication Baby!

Anyone Else In Line for a Wii?

Psycho Killer

Bankrupting Yourself

Being Sad

Ready to Rock... like Godzilla

The Answer is No

Sweater


Donny

Jordan?

Joey

Joey2

Jonathan?

Lookin' old...

Jordan... right?

Jordan again?

DANNY!!!!!

They call him Donny... and Danny.

Donny!!!

Goodbye!

 

 

It would be remiss for anyone not from New Orleans who attends the annual New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival, (presented by Shell, lest you forget) or speaks of their experiences at the festival, not to, at the very least, mention the atrocities left in the wake of 2005’s Hurricane Katrina. It is everywhere. In Arthur Miller’s Death Of A Salesman, Mrs. Loman utters the phrase, ‘attention must be paid.’ It must.

I have no need to get political; the inaction of our government under the current administration in the aftermath of the hurricane speaks for itself without the need for commentary, least of all, mine. On my walk to Surrey’s for breakfast my first morning in town, I came upon a bumper sticker which read, “I Never Thought I’d Miss Nixon.”

It is not over down here. It is not even close to being over. Fortunately, annual events like Mardi Gras, JazzFest, Voodoo Music Festival, and various business conventions bring tourism, which puts money back into Orleans Parish and those who inhabit it. These trips, hopefully, cause tourists like myself to discuss what they’ve seen upon returning home, which causes conversation, action and change. (I know I’m the Queen of Wishful Thinking, but it can’t hurt to put in print.) Unfortunately, our national media, for the most part, is no longer covering the wake of Katrina with any sort of consistency and our country has a fairly short attention span as it is. The woman who sat next to me on my flight from New York City to Dallas, (where I met my connecting flight, as well as my Mother, to continue on to New Orleans) was surprised when I said that my visits to New Orleans are always “great, but bittersweet.” “Why bittersweet?” she asked me. I’m floored. I want to be a smart-ass in my response because ‘oh-my-god-how-can-she-not-understand???’ but instead I’m kind. I may be only one person, but President Andrew Jackson was elected by a margin of one.

I’m opting now to stop being a bummer for a bit, and report on JazzFest itself, which is definitely far from a bummer. JazzFest is AWESOME. When I hit the ‘shuffle’ option on my iPod, what it gives me is schizophrenic at best, or downright puzzling…..and I find value in all of it. If you even remotely love music, the mixed-bag of everything that is out there, then the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival (presented by Shell) is the festival for you. On any given day, you can hear a huge country/western star, a Top 40 rapper, hip-hop groups, dj’s, Cajun and zydeco, a bluegrass band from Tennessee, a gospel church choir, jazz legends, rock legends, and brass bands. The diversity in music is unparalleled; there is truly something for everyone. If you want a festival experience where you’ll hear the newest indie buzz-band, and buy five-dollar bottles of water, go to Coachella.

Day one saw Robert Plant and Alison Krauss playing most of the tracks from their beautiful collaborative “Raising Sand,” as well as a bluegrass version of Led Zeppelin’s “Black Dog” and Krauss’ popular track, “Down By The River To Pray” from “O Brother Where Art Thou?” with Plant and T-Bone Burnett providing the harmonies. Krauss, in her demure way, seemed to provide the perfect antidote to the fact that at nearly sixty years old, Robert Plant is still every bit the rockstar he was in the 1970s (minus the mudsharks) even if he is playing toned-down Americana bluegrass.

Sheryl Crow wasn’t holding back at the start of her set, playing songs off her new record, “Detours” which is in part inspired by Katrina. Her passion and conviction in delivering the new songs was beautiful to watch. She lost me when she started in with her old hits, “Leaving Las Vegas” and “A Change Will Do You Good.” I’m sure the fair-weather fans wanted to hear something they could sing along to, but it paled in comparison to her new material.

My Mom loves Ozomatli. We caught them at 2005’s JazzFest, and she never passes up an opportunity to dance, so from Crow’s set we ambled over to the Gentilly Stage. We walked up just in time to catch their new track, “Magnolia Soul” which is unabashedly written about New Orleans with in-your-face verses like: “saw your crescent smiling place/all the way from uptown-downtown-lakeside-to-river/heard ‘W’ don’t care about them/gotta watch who you make your friend/otherwise people come through and backstab you again” and chorus, “let the good times roll/the sad times gone” name-checking the motto of New Orleans, “Laissez les bons-temps rouler.”

Day two was an unbelievable downpour, which resulted in a soggy, muddy mess and a stream running through the crowd, to which children responded by floating on plastic rafts. You may take that metaphor as you will. Sadly, I did not have the pleasure of watching the stage crew squeegee Billy Joel’s piano. Thankfully, we did head to Tipitina’s that night to see the Blind Boys of Alabama. Important Fact To Know: They Are Indeed Blind. My Mom, the gospel music neophyte, was incredulous as these dapper gentlemen were walked to the stage and positioned for the show. The music was the stuff of angels. The men, ranging in age from 70 to 85, brought the crowd to their feet, and although the show was slower paced than most, (they were filming a live DVD and frequently stopped) it kept the crowd. Dr. John ‘made a house-call’ and played a song, as did local R&B singer Marva Wright, pianist Henry Butler, and the Preservation Hall Jazz Band. Susan Tedeschi sat in on a few songs, as well. She looked as though she were playing dress-up in her Mother’s closet with a sparkly cocktail dress and heels. Still, there was nothing childish about her voice (or the playing of her guitar for that matter). When she sang her verse in “People Get Ready” I thought I was listening to Bonnie Raitt’s alter-ego.

Day three was one of choices. Having perks at a festival are a beautiful luxury. Since we were blessed with access to Miller’s ‘hospitality tent’ (which would have been even more hospitable if I actually enjoyed the taste of beer) we found ourselves in a dilemma. Do we stay in the tent since it’s raining pretty hard, and chill out on the couch and watch the screen of the main stage? Or do I go see an old friend play his trumpet to a few thousand people at another stage, and not be able to get back into the tent because everyone with a tent pass will have clamored their way inside and it’s now way past capacity, and closed, and we’ll be stuck in the outside crappy weather for the rest of the day? Tough call. The couch won. My Mom may be awesome (she saw The Beatles three times, and was invited by Marvin Gaye to be his date to the Grammys… truth) but she’s also sixty. Couch. Shelter. And Irma Thomas, a hero of the local scene who recently won a Grammy, on the mainstage owning it.

My time spent in New Orleans is one filled with duality. On Saturday before the festival, my Mother and I went to the famed Commander’s Palace for their three-course Jazz Brunch. On Sunday before the festival, we took a drive through the Ninth Ward and Lakeview. My stomach, still full from the delicious gourmet cuisine we enjoyed the day before, miraculously kept from vomiting as we looked at the wreckage. You would think that the storm had occurred maybe a month prior by the looks of the Ninth Ward. It is nearly three years later as I write this. It is only as we turn off Claiborne Avenue to signs marked “Habitat For Humanity” and various church organizations that we begin to see small shreds of hope in streets still piled with debris from August of 2005. The bright colors of the houses which make up Habitat for Humanity’s Musician’s Village are welcomed signs that things are slowly moving forward, but there is so much still to be done.

Punctuating the weekends of JazzFest, I volunteered with the Tipitina’s Foundation to help with two silent auctions and benefit concerts, held at Tipitina’s Uptown music venue. The first was for “Instruments-A-Comin’’ to raise money to keep music programs and instruments in Louisiana schools. Locals Rebirth Brass Band and Galactic performed, as well as Little Feat, whose live show is every bit as thrilling as their recordings from thirty years ago. The second was for “Injuns-A-Comin’” to raise money for the Mardi Gras Indians; for their instruments and beautiful costumes, without which a subculture within this town would cease to exist.

Thursday of the second weekend of JazzFest is known as “locals day” with reduced-price admission and smaller crowds. 2008 marks the first year after Katrina to have seen a locals day, and what better act to commemorate the event than Louisiana/L.A. native, Randy Newman. Randy is one of my favorite songwriters ever; his stuff is snarky, truthful and entertaining. He is also proof, like Tom Waits, Neil Young and Bob Dylan, that God plays fair and gives the Gift Of Profound Songwriting Talent to those who have weird, and at times un-listenable and conventionally god-awful voices.

Talented or not, I often wonder if before Disney/Pixar gave him the green-light to provide music for “Toy Story” if they’d actually listened to his back-catalogue (case in point, ‘Guilty’: “Got some whiskey from the barman/got some cocaine from a friend” and ‘Rednecks’: “We’re rednecks, rednecks/don’t know our ass from a hole in the ground.”) Luckily for Randy, though he works for the mouse, he isn’t an icon for tweenage girls, and Disney does not need to comment on his past like they comment on Miley Cyrus’ present. Before playing his most (family-suitable, sarcasm-free) widely-recognized song, “You’ve Got A Friend In Me,” he revealed that some folks from Disney were in the audience, and in town for work. Disney has a new animated feature in production, “The Princess and The Frog” which is set in New Orleans, and features music by Newman and Dr. John; music that was recorded, in New Orleans, the day before this show. For the record, in addition to his song from “Toy Story” he did play both “Rednecks” and “Guilty” as well as tongue-firmly-affixed-in-cheek, “I Love L.A.” and “Short People” for his bosses at Disney, his kids, the media, me, and the rest of JazzFest. Maybe there are some balls left in Hollywood after all. (For further evidence of such balls, spend 99 cents and download “A Few Words In Defense Of Our Country” on iTunes.)

My last day of JazzFest, I took the streetcar to City Park with my friends, Rory and Dasan, in town from San Diego, and Mr. O’Neill, Rory’s dad, whom I’ve been staying with all week. It was on the streetcar that I encountered Completely Bizarre Celebrity Spotting Number One Of Three: Kristen Schaal, a.k.a. Mel, the stalker-super-fan from “Flight of the Conchords” a show that amuses me to no end. Walking around in search for food while at the festival, Completely Bizarre Celebrity Spotting Number Two Of Three: John C. Reilly, perfectly blended in with crowd in a hat and sunglasses. Grooving to Stevie Wonder, Completely Bizarre Celebrity Spotting Number Three Of Three: Michael Cerveris, who in all honesty, is only a celebrity to the community of Broadway geeks. (This prompted me to text my friend, Rachel, and her mom, Shira, who share an unnatural, mutual crush after seeing multiple performances of Cerveris as the botched sex-change chanteuse Hedwig in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch.” Shira’s text response? ‘Fuck You!! Lol!”) Upon consulting IMDB, turns out all three are in town filming “Cirque du Freaks” with Salma Hayek. Maybe not so random after all, but still arresting for someone who doesn’t expect to see what is commonplace around my neighborhood in New York City, or in L.A., or at Coachella for that matter, at my annual outing in New Orleans.

Stevie Wonder headlined on Friday. Once announced, instead of playing, he instead introduced his daughter, Aisha, who sings back-up, and said a few words about the recent death of his Mother, and called for a moment of silence for “all of those we lost during Hurricane Katrina.” He then proceeded to play three songs that I, and most of the crowd, didn’t recognize; an odd way to start a show, especially to a festival of tens of thousands. He later had the crowd dancing and singing along to “Higher Ground,” “Ma Cherie Amour,” “Signed, Sealed, Delivered, (I’m Yours)” and “Living For The City,” and brought up Irma Thomas to sing with him on “Shelter In The Rain,” which was one of the most profound unrehearsed moments I have ever had the privilege of witnessing.

As I attempt to re-read and edit this piece, which I have done often in the week following my experiences in New Orleans, with hopes of finding a way to end it, I am interrupted (of course, of all things) by my friend Alex’s MySpace bulletin, which simply states, “Katrina and New Orleans.” I obviously click it, and Alex writes that he “…just got back from a few days in New Orleans. I wasn’t there for Jazz Fest but a life-changing journey that took me to the front lines of poverty, racism, government ineptitude, and an extreme need for volunteers to bring hope, love, and labor to the city. I need some more time to further understand everything I experienced and then do a better job communicating why it is important for you to care and ultimately be involved.” I immediately dial his number, and we proceed to have an hour-long conversation that I am still having issues wrapping my brain around. Alex attended Coachella, like he’s done the past few years. Except this year, instead of returning on Monday to his job and life back in Venice after a weekend of fun and music in the desert, he boarded a bio-diesel bus with 150 or so other volunteers, bound for New Orleans. Sean Penn spoke at Coachella, because during Katrina he was in New Orleans, in a boat, pulling people from the water. He wanted to provide opportunity for a new generation of volunteers to be challenged to look and work beyond their day-to-day life. (His speech can be found on youtube if you are so inclined.) He paid for three buses, food, camping and provided volunteer experiences as well as transportation back to Southern California, in exchange for these 180 people to have their eyes and hearts opened to an experience that would be undoubtedly life changing.

The blessing and the curse of the essence of New Orleans is that it is not like anywhere else in the United States. (Post-Katrina, my mom has taken to calling it a developing nation) Hearing live music is not a privilege reserved for the wealthy, people drink on the street, cook with an amalgamation of spices specific to the region, bury the dead in above-ground plots because coffins cannot stay in the below sea-level flood grounds, and plan social events around crawfish boils, fishing trips and LSU football games. In speaking of life before The Thing, as many locals refer to it, it would be easy for any average-Joe American to understand New Orleans if it were like what we all know. It is even harder to understand after The Thing, because this mystical, unlike-any-other place has now had its insides torn apart, and is trying to sew, or have them sewn, back together into some semblance of order. Most of life would be easy to comprehend if it were in black or in white. It’s the grey area that makes it frustrating, irritating, uplifting and profound. Whether it is relating with others on the idiosyncratic-wonderfulness that make us who we are through an internet forum such as this one, or talking to visitors from all over the country about what is going on in this community, understanding is the component to how we connect to one another. New Orleans is looking for a little understanding. How we interpret and change what we see, be it my small contribution to raise money for the Tipitina’s Foundation and the musical culture of New Orleans, or Alex’s experience with the Dirty Hands Caravan to ‘inspire revolution as a job for the young,’ is up to us.

The outline of experiences that were offered to volunteers can be found on www.thedirtyhandscaravan.com and updates may be found on www.dosomething.org

If you want to read a beautiful account of the storm and its aftermath, check out Times-Picayune columnist Chris Rose’ 1 Dead In Attic, now in wide release, published by Simon and Schuster.

Donations can be made to Brad Pitt’s charity, www.makeitrightnola.org and Habitat for Humanity’s local chapter, www.habitat-nola.org, and to the Tipitina’s Foundation, www.tipitinasfoundation.org to help preserve the musical culture of Louisiana.

In 2005, Ludo released a five song rock-opera entitled Broken Bride, in which the protagonist builds a time machine to go back and save his love from her eminent death. In 2008, I’d like to build a time machine and go back to the other night at the Trocadero Theatre in Philadelphia and save myself from asking five guys I’ve known for the last five years the wrong questions. It’s not about how they were raised or how they feel about the state of our union. At the core of it, it is really just about five guys from Missouri, Texas and Nebraska, (three of which are vegans and no one, tour manager notwithstanding, own an iPhone). It’s also about their music, and more specifically their live show.

Ludo’s new album, recently released on Island Records, You’re Awful, I Love You, is well-recorded and a lot of fun, but to truly appreciate the band you are hearing, you have to see them live. You’re Awful is on heavy-rotation in my life, much like the last three albums from the Flaming Lips, but like fellow Midwesterners, it is all about the stage show. Granted, Ludo does not currently have dancing Santas and aliens onstage, but I am not ruling out that possibility, nor something similar, for the future. Ludo will be on the road most of 2008 and you must go see them. Period.

On stage left, there is guitarist Tim Ferrell. Tim is what you might get if you cross the guitar genius of Eric Clapton with the lightning-quick fingers of Dimebag Darrell. His vibe is understated: “I’m Not Putting On A Show, I Am Playing My Instrument Because This Is Who I Am And This Is What I Have Always Wanted To Do.” His demeanor is calm and thoughtful. When we talked in their dressing room after the show, he wore a Frank Zappa t-shirt and feasted on vegan junk food (I was as shocked as you that it exists!). Someone mentioned Perez Hilton and Ferrell truly did not know who that was. However, he did graduate from Notre Dame. This is refreshing and without irony.

On drums and bass guitar are Matt Palermo and Marshall Fanciullo respectively. Matt is the youngest of the group and possesses the kind of dry sense of humor found in a Christopher Guest movie. Marshall might be one of the most polite men I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Their contribution to the Ludo Live Show is understated and completely perfect.

In the center of the stage is singer/guitarist Andrew Volpe. Another member of the band described Andrew to me years ago as a “human cartoon character.” He is indeed this, but it is not a slam. Gregarious, talented, and prone to the f-word and licking his guitar, Andrew is all that, and a bag of Wavy Lays. His way with words is humorously unlike any other modern band in pop music, case in point lyrics of single, “Love Me Dead”- ‘Kill me romantically, fill my soul with vomit then ask me for a piece of gum, bitter and dumb, you’re my sugarplum, you’re awful, I love you!”

On stage right is Moog player Tim Convy. In life and onstage, you get the sense that Convy is glue. He offsets the antics directly to his left with a sense of groundedness in introducing the band’s members, and saying hello to the city in which they are playing. He says to me just before walking onstage, “We’re in Philadelphia, right?” He is not joking or trying to come off as a rockstar who is too cool for school. Simply put, their tour in support of the Presidents Of The United States Of America, and the work that they and their label are accomplishing to fully break into the mainstream, is absolutely exhausting. Convy pulls double-duty as the business liason of the group, and the player of its quirky Moog. He works his ass off with a smile that cannot help but warm you.

If Ludo were a term paper, its thesis (like its press bio) would be “to entertain people without making them dumber.” The thesis is supported by smart lyrics and a solid stage presence. The conclusion is that they accomplish their thesis and the footnote is that you simply must buy their new record and go to a show.

When I think of Irving Plaza in New York City, I think of a hip-hop show I attended, circa 2000. MC Supernatural played a game with the audience called, “three words,” in which he solicited the crowd for three random words. Anything. Everything. The only stipulation was that the words had to fit into the concept of the rhyme he was freestyling. I know one of the words was “antiseptic” and I believe another might have been “prophylactic.” Whatever it was, it all worked, and it was an extraordinary feat.

I recently returned to Irving Plaza (newly re-christened The Fillmore at Irving Plaza, like so many of our nations’ mid-size music clubs) as a guest of my friend, Phil Kosch, to see his band, Treaty of Paris. I decided that an abridged, more interview-like, version of Supernatural’s three word game would be a different, if not better, way of conducting an ‘interview’ with someone I know, whom I feel weird ‘interviewing’ in the first place. Here’s what Phil had to say:

Three Words:
1) To describe Yellowcard: acoustic. pop. tour.
2) Best Things About The Road In General: freedom. monotony. food.
3) Worst Things About The Road In General: not. seeing. friends/family.
4) To Describe The 2008 Presidential Race: too. much. press.
5) To Describe Your Hometown Of Woodridge, Illiniois: twenty-five. thousand. people.
6) That You Think When You See A Hot Girl At A Treaty Of Paris Show: my girlfriend. is. sexier. (I gave him four words on this one)
7) That Sum Up Your Experience(s) In Las Vegas While Making Your Record: I. cannot. tell.
8) People You Want To Invite To Dinner: Don Cheadle. Ghandhi. Sylvester Stallone.
9) Wishes That You Have For This Year: Spain. success. touring.
10) Things That Get You Out Of Bed In The Morning: music. the girl. the family.
11) Reasons You Think People Should Take The Time To Listen To Your Band: new. fresh. sexy.

Treaty of Paris recently released their label-debut, “Sweet Dreams, Suckers” on Andrew McMahon’s (Jack’s Mannequin/Something Corporate) Airport Tapes And Records. They are currently on tour with Yellowcard.

Wilco. One simple word evokes hyperbolic fodder from journalists. It seems as if every rock writer has commented in print on this band, and if they haven’t, they most definitely have commented loudly and boisterously in a bar over a round of drinks with their friends. Be it writing about Jeff Tweedy and his stint in rehab for prescription pills, or the oft-asked question in music magazines: “Is Wilco “’The American Radiohead?’” Or the most jaw-droppingly ridiculous Wilco-fact; that Warner Music Group refused to release 1999’s Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and when it was released, (under Nonesuch Records, which, hey! is under the umbrella of Warner Music, so Warner actually DID release it, after they bought their way out of the deal…so ironic and funny, huh?!) it sparked more hype than anyone could imagine, critical acclaim, x-amount of copies sold, changes to the lineup of the band, blah blah blah.

Yes. We know all of this. (And if we did not know this, I just gave you the Cliff’s Notes Version Of The Tired Facts About Wilco.) So let’s get down to it, shall we?

Ok, here goes: I love this band. I geek-out hard-core to this band. There are scores of others like me, thankfully; sanity in numbers. I am a Wilco-geek, and I blame my friend, Jack. It’s really all his fault. Two years ago, Jack’s band, Steel Train (which are also amazing, and if you have not yet heard them, you should…immediately, and you can blame this article on your newfound Steel Train geek-ness) played a festival in Florida that I attended. Wilco was on the bill, too, and since Jack had talked them up for awhile, I figured, what the hell, I’d check them out. Jack’s taste is (for the most part) pretty great. (He geeks-out to the soundtrack to Wicked……different strokes for different folks.) Their set knocked me on my ass, and the next day I bought Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and for one solid month, it did not leave my stereo. Every couple of months I would trek to my local record store and buy a new Wilco-journey. (Yes, I just wrote ‘Wilco-journey.’ Get over it.) The journey was a beautiful one; filled with the repeat button on my iPod for certain tracks that would remind me of the many fucked-up boys in my life who also love Wilco. Like evangelical Christians who want to coerce new churchgoers to their congregation, I then made mixed-cds for my parents and planned my summer trip home to California around when I could take Mom and Dad to see them at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley. (Mom and Dad actually really loved them, and have now told all their friends, which, I’m sure, has contributed directly in AARP members adoration for Wilco, and to Starbucks’ soaring record sales of 2007’s Sky Blue Sky.)

It probably will come as no surprise that when I heard the announcement of a five night residency in their hometown of Chicago, in which they promised to play everything they had ever recorded, I knew that my inner geek-dom had found a new level and that I needed to be there. The TicketBastard gods smiled upon me, and I scored tickets without issue for the two nights I wanted. I booked my flight, bought long underwear for the below-zero Chicago-in-February-weather, and I went.

And I cried. And I text-messaged fellow Wilco-geeks from the show. And I drank lots of whiskey. And I laughed at Jeff Tweedy’s admittedly lame in-between-songs banter. And I debated with my girlfriend which member of the band was more delicious. And I got irritated when she told me that they’re all married and (mostly) with children, minus one who is (apparently and rightfully so) a total player. And I worshipped at the altar of greatness. The shows were awesome. They played a core set of songs each night, along with a sprinkling of randomness. My first night, Monday, opened with “Blue-Eyed Soul” off A.M.; the song that happened to be playing the moment over a year ago when I realized that drama with one of the opposite sex in which I had become entangled was not worth the stress. From there, the beautiful “Remember The Mountain Bed” from the Mermaid Avenue sessions with hipster-violinist Andrew Bird sitting in for embellishment and “Bob Dylan’s 49th Beard”; a B-side from the Yankee Hotel Foxtrot era. My tears flowed during the absolutely unexpected “We’re Just Friends” and “My Darling”; songs from Summerteeth which had not been played since 1999, and songs that for me, were heaven. They brought out a horns section, which enhanced the beauty in “Walken” and “Monday.” Start to finish, it was pure bliss, but the icing on the cake was the fans. Every single person in that theatre could not imagine being anywhere else. It was nearly a three-hour show, and I sincerely doubt that anyone left early. Even the security guards were pleasant as a result of the overall energy of the fan-ness of the room.

My second show, I arrived early and snagged a spot in the front, stage left, against the railing, so that my photographer-friend could dip in and out of the photo pit, and so that I could really get in touch with my inner-crazy. The guy in front of me sported a LebowskiFest “Achiever” tee and a positive attitude which was unparalleled. Every couple of songs he would say to my friend and I, “Ladies! Are we still having the best night ever?” His joy was completely without sarcasm. The guy behind me arrived solo and said that he had “moved heaven and earth for a ticket,” and offered to buy a fellow fan a drink; which I declined due to the fact that there was no way I was sacrificing the killer spot for a trip to the ladies room. During the second part of the set, the horns came out for “The Thanks I Get,” “Hate It Here,” “I’m A Wheel” and most notably “I’m The Man Who Loves You,” at which time Jeff Tweedy looked up to the stage left box, about fifty feet above me, and said, “I love you, Susie!!” to his wife. I noticed that during “Hate It Here,” Mrs. Tweedy shook her head as if to say, “why does my husband lie to millions of people?” during the verse, ‘I do the dishes, I mow the lawn.’ Case in point, behind every great man is one hell of an amazing woman.

As I close this bit of remembrance, I am reminded of something Jack once said. When asked about hanging out in New York City’s most “in” neighborhoods, he said that he would choose the Lower East Side over the Meatpacking District, because at least the cool-kids drinking over-priced cocktails had heard of Wilco. Where the Riviera Theatre differed from the Lower East Side, was that the “cool” was shed, and gave room only for joy. It bubbled over and I felt like I was a part of a club of people who were there solely for the music, not for the hype of journalists. The music was a part of them, and it was a ComiCon-esque pilgrimage for Wilco fans.

I continued on my “Let’s-continue-to-fly-cool-places-to-see-Wilco” trip, and went to both performances at Tipitina’s; a small club in uptown New Orleans. And when I say small club, I’m talking small like the El Rey Theatre in LA or Irving Plaza in NYC. I’m talking up close and personal, in my case, five feet from the stage on the right, making sex-eyes at the delicious guitarist.

But I digress.

I went to the second of the two shows with my friend, Rachelle: New Orleanian, wife, beer company executive, bass player of ManWitch; all-female punk rock outfit and mother of eight-month-old, Ruby Rose. Simply put, Rachelle is punk-rock. Wilco shows are not punk-rock. At the end of the day, what are you gonna do?

The shows were great. The vibe in the club was not. We heard unbelievably popular “A Magazine Called Sunset” and New Orleans-native John Stirratt’s “It’s Just That Simple” with Jeff Tweedy backing him up on the bass. We also got more marijuana smoke than The Dead or Widespread Panic at Bonnaroo, and people who, literally, elbowed you out of their way with not as much as an acknowledgment, so that they could check the caucus results from their iPhone. The vibe was so palpably not the norm, that Jeff Tweedy made a comment the first night, (regarding the weed) something to the effect of “whoa….you guys are really stoned……is that legal down here?” His tone was that of simple straight-forward-ness, NOT the tone of ‘yes it’s cool to be high, someone please pass me the joint.’ On the second night, Tweedy asked if the crowd was performing some sort of voodoo-like shape-shifting, and asked drummer Glenn Kotche, to “get us out of this.” Judging by both the intangible vibe and the tangible setlist, ‘this’ must have meant, “I’m tired of being mellow, let’s rock and maybe this weird crowd will rock with us?” Kotche began “Heavy Metal Drummer,” which began the set’s rock and roll finish.

After being shushed by a fan taking Rachelle and my (very VERY brief) conversation personally, and having the girl next to us, literally, pass out and drop to the floor, she decided that the Wilco crowd needed…something…perhaps a bit of punk rock? She ran into a friend who accidentally spilled beer on her (red, poufy, very loud) head of hair, and decided that we were not going to beat it, OR join them, it was going to be something else entirely. We were going to become the people that I loathe at shows; it was really to be the night’s only salvation. Rachelle’s friend poured his Miller High Life all over himself, all over Rachelle, and all over me. We laughed at the spontaneous ridiculousness. Those around us did not. I made devil horns and repeatedly yelled “Punk’s Not Dead!” On that note, we decided that we were done stirring the pot, and clawed our way to our rightful place at the side of the stage, away from the (lame) crowd.

Wilco is magic, but my checking account, and emotional availability, is thankful that the band’s next stop on the tour is Sydney. After all, at the end of four shows in two different states, how many more times can you laugh, cry, jump up and down, and have beer spilled down your chest?

Do Australians get this worked up over Wilco? Maybe I should find out sometime…