Author: dickson

CHEW

OK, so I followed the lead of London and am all caught up on what is one of the greatest accomplishments in modern comics: CHEW. I’m not supposed to mention that it’s going to be a TV show or what I think about that (it fucking rules), so I’ll just focus on the book in this initial foray into this week’s ramble.

As JL mentioned in the 2010 list of best comics, CHEW is about Tony Chu, “a stereotypical Asian guy” (according to the author’s notes). Not so typical about Chu is that he can bite or taste things and get a psychic impression from his mouth. In fact, the whole universe is food-centric and I love it! There are people who can write about food in such a way as to make readers taste it. There is a mute chef who can communicate through his cooking.

The art by Rob Guillory is very “indie” without being pretentious and every frame is filled with something fun. To me, it has a very “manga” style.

So, the first book I’m reviewing this time around is CHEW #18. This book is a real turning point for CHEW readers. We get to see the inner workings of the USDA and the demise of my favorite character of the whole series. Talk about a blaze of glory!

I just love the effortless writing by John Layman and fun that goes into every issue. This is truly a comic book done by people who love comics. Maybe it’s because I had the fortune to read all of the trades in a matter of days, but I really feel that the characters are deep and great, despite the whimsical premise of the series. Things matter in the CHEW universe and in the great tradition of the graphic medium, no one stays dead for long and even the most minor character could mean something very big down the line.

The creators state that the book will definitely end at #60 and I like that. It makes every page feel important and every twist and turn genuine, you know? Love it. Buy CHEW.

Fables

This week also saw the completion of my Fables adventure with the release of the most recent trade paperback collection “Rose Red”. Finally I filled in the gap leading up to the epic Fables #100, which is included in this volume (along with all of the extra stuff).

The story focuses on the Sisters White/Red and the history of their falling out and eventual reconciliation. It’s got all the info you need to catch up to #100 and you will want to go back and catch things you missed before. Exquisite.

Batman/Superman Annual

I am constantly amazed at both the quality of the good stuff out there and also at the sore lack of it. I broke my rules and read the Fables trade before my single issues for the week and the book I read directly after was the Superman/Batman Annual.

These days, when I pick up a DC book, I feel like I woke up riding a bicycle on a gravel road. This book is no exception.

I have really come to enjoy the old school feel of the Super/Bat-man book. The little stories it tells are sometimes right out of the Golden Age. And the story that tied into the death of Batman? It was classic and awesome.

This one is part of the “Reign of Doomsday” crossover event and I have no F-N clue what’s going on. I mean, I can infer a bit, but LOL WUT? I do know that the satellite turns into cyborg Superman and then into Doomsday? Then Doomsday turns into cyber-Doomsday. What? Then Supergirl is dying, but then she’s not dying and comes out all bad-ass. Then she gets her ass kicked and dragged off by her hair. Huh?

Plus, they yell “Doomsday” at him a lot. Is that even his name? Doomsday is a mindless brute, he doesn’t speak as far as I can tell and so has probably not told anyone his name. I mean maybe that’s why he just keeps going on rampages.

He’s like, “they can’t possibly be talking to me, my name is Aloysius”. Even Batman yells it at him and he should know better.

I will say this: the art by Miguel Sepulveda is really cool. The issue is mostly fights and they are done in a very cool and kinetic style. Lots of flips and thrusts. Very nice. The book looks great. I’m sure it’s probably an amazing chapter to those who have managed to fork the dough over to keep up with the RoD event.

BPRD & Witch Finder

Very quickly, as to save London some grief: I also read BPRD: The Dead Remembered and Witchfinder: Lost and Gone Forever.

I love Witchfinder. This new series is just so god damned manly. People stitch themselves up in this issue and there’s plenty of gore and plot to enjoy. The art is really evocative and fits in perfectly with the Old West setting. I am really looking forward to seeing this book progress.

BPRD: TDR tells the story of fire starter Liz Sherman’s first field assignment and they keep promoting that this series will depict, in apparently loving and astute detail, the incident in which Liz kills her family. It’s almost ghoulish how they keep mentioning that. I’m just happy that the art is finally clean and discernable. Thank you.

Vic Boone

Finally, Geekscape sent me issue #1 of 215Ink’s “Vic Boone” series. Right off the bat, readers will probably notice the stylistic art and the limited color palette. OK, so there’s that. But look past that and the story here is a little bit Blade Runner, a little bit Film Noir and all the way fun.

It’s a world of sentient robots and dangerous dames – a world where corporations rule and everyone has a secret. It’s also a world where an informant takes the form of a fly with a human head and heroes are fallible.

The seemingly sparse artwork by “Geoffo” is actually quite effective. It places the emphasis on the story and this time the story is solid. The problem with most noir-influenced stories is that they get bogged down in the language and trappings of “classic noir” (Marvel’s “Noir” books, I’m looking at you) and the story suffers. This time, the tone is totally Noir, but the action seems fresh and moves quickly. I look forward to reading the rest of this series.

See? I don’t hate everything. In the end, comics should be fun. These days, it seems that the tone seems pandering (Marvel) or ponderous (DC) and all of the fun is happening on the fringes. The “Brightest Day” mega-mess seems as serious as a Catholic mass and the endless movie tie-ins happening over at the House of “Ideas” really turn me off. I mean, good for them, but who cares?

Foster Broussard: Demons of The Gold Rush

I was sent a review copy of Red 5’s “Foster Broussard: Demons of The Gold Rush”#1. I could linger on the misspelling on the first page, but they spelled the same word correctly later on, so I’ll skip it. (Disappointed = one S and two P’s, not the other way around).

In any case, this book was pretty good. It’s as if the blond guy from the animated movie “The Road to El Dorado” got his own book and was a bit more of a prick. He’s raffish, roguish, and devil-may-care!

In a book where the central figure is supposed to be charismatic, detail of facial expression is key. The expressions that Dan Glasl puts on Foster are priceless at times. The look on his face when he’s being read his list of charges on the gallows is awesome. Well played. In fact, I would almost rather see this book in black and white. The heavy inks detract from what I suspect was pretty subtle pencil work.

If you’re a fan of rollicking adventure and bored to death of superheroes and robots and zombies, check this book out. It’s a very nice tribute to adventure books of the past.(EDITOR’S NOTE: Foster Broussard: Demons of The Gold Rush Hits stores in May)

Hellraiser

One other thing of note this week: the return of “Hellraiser”! In the 90s, there was this great anthology series based on the Clive Barker masterpiece and now it’s back. Boom Studios picks up the story where the old series left off.

See, even though the old series was mainly an anthology, there was a scripted, serialized story running through the pages of the book as well. The Harrowers were on the trail of the Cenobites and stand to be their only natural enemy.

I’m not sure yet if I can recommend this book. This first issue is divided into two parts and the second part has art that had me thinking it was a reprint from 1994. However, I will pick up the next one anyway and report back.

Does anyone remember the Nightbreed/Hellraiser cross-over from Epic called “Jihad”? I loved that book. A lot.

Disagree? Want to kill? Lay it on me in the comments. I can take it.

So what happened this week?
Wonder Woman got a new costume.

She just doesn’t seem very Amazonian, does she? I like my Amazons like I like my beer: Thick and full-bodied and tall. Good head doesn’t hurt either.
It does smack of crap that Wonder Woman has been relegated to a single season on TV. She’s part of the magic three of DC lore, next to Batman and Superman. She killed a dude with her bare hands.
I think Wonder Woman could hold her own in a movie. Just have a good time with it, for crying out loud.  IT’S NOT THAT HARD PEOPLE. LET ME WRITE THE DAMN MOVIE. Ok, the nude Amazon bathing scenes might stretch the ratings limit, but hey. Butts in the seats, right?

THEN Aronofsky left Wolverine. I knew that asshole was going to bail. I know what they SAY the reasons were, but I bet he was all like “waaahhh I made a ballerina movie that some hipsters liked… waaahh…. I don’t want my follow up to be a comic book movie… waaah… I want 30 million dollars… waaahhhhhhhh. Fuck you. Woops, sorry, can I say that? Anyway. I’m just sad because this guy was making Hugh Jackman LOOK like Wolverine. Sorry THE Wolverine. This movie’s gonna blow.

David Slade, a music video director is taking over Daredevil. I mean he directed alternative vampires in 30 Days of Night and vampires from an alternative lifestyle in Eclipse. I liked the first Daredevil movie. Who knows? Maybe there’s a compromise here somewhere.

I didn’t buy any books this week. Well, I bought a Doctor Who book cos I am recently into the new adventures of the Timelord. It’s not very good. I think I’m going to give it away.
When books center around properties like this, the problems come in making sure the people look like the people, you know? So the art focuses on that, but is bland otherwise. Maybe it’s just these IDW books. They’re like the old Transformers and GI Joe cartoons. Just built to sell or promote properties. They don’t really have to be good.
I guess I did skip a week. Last week was actually a pretty heavy comic flow for me. I bought a ton of books.  

Cinderella: Fables are Forever (Vertigo/DC)

Cinderella: Fables are Forever was pretty good. I like the character of Dorothy Gale, but the story is told in a herky-jerky flash back/forward style that grates a bit on the nerves. Welcome to comics, right DICKSON?!?  I’ll wait ‘til this one is over to give it any more ink. I’m sure it’ll be fabulous.

Jennifer Blood #2

Jennifer Blood #2 fills in a bit more of the story, but I’m not clicking into it as much as I should be with an Ennis book. I think this one might end up less “Wormwood” and more “Just a Pilgrim”, you know? It’s not horrible, just not engaging. Yet. I hope yet. Maybe yet.

Zatanna #10 (DC Comics)

Zatanna #10 was my favorite of the lot. I love this book. Something about it just makes me love it. This is where the TV series should be. Get rid of Wonder Woman and make a Zatanna series! It could be just as charming and exciting as Buffy. Yeah, I know, Zatanna is on Smallville now. I hope they don’t spin that shit off. The comic is where it’s at. Can I get a hollaback? FELLAS?

Wierd Worlds (DC Comics)

I’m liking the throwbackiness of “Weird Worlds”. I mean, I guess one could say that anthology books are a clever way to get around DC’s “holding the line at $2.99” edict, but that would just assholish, wouldn’t you say? Anyway, I am a huge LOBO fan (surprised?) and so I got the book just for that. Besides, there’s a story in here about a cat called “Garbage Man”. Come on… GARBAGE MAN! The “Tanga” story has some nice art, by Kevin Maguire, though.

ANYWAY… I’m just waiting for next week when I know some good books are coming out. Until then, I’m avoiding Geekscape’s stellar coverage and endless reviews of “Paul” until I see the movie myself.
I saw that Bibbiani had an interview with Bill Paxton. I met that guy at a screening of “The Dark Backward” (IMDb THAT, Geekscape) and so here is a picture of me.

What should I be reading? What do you hate about me? What do you love? Hit up the comments. 
Steve R.

Oh, Jonathan is going to LOVE my post this week. I only bought one comic again. I have a couple of cool trades I’ll be reviewing soon, promise.
 
They’re also long, so I am still reading them.
 
The comic was MIKE MIGNOLA’s Witchfinder: Lost and Gone Forever and I’ll spare J-Lo’s sanity and just tell you to go buy it. It’s the shit.
 
I was reading B-Dub’s article about Warner Bros. mucking up SD Comic-Con for a girl who was a fan of something that isn’t a comic book or even comic book-related, but oh well. The spirit of the article and her “plight” (she could afford a multi-day pass to Comic-Con. How hard could her life be?) got me to thinking about my own dealings with WB and their shenanigans last year.
 
If you want to know the full story, check out the comments section on Walton’s post. I don’t really feel like re-capping.

Dickson got pushed to the side for this guy? NOOOO. That could never happen.

For those of the MTV generation that can’t be bothered to take some time to read something, the short version is that WB screwed up the trade floor so badly that I had to leave for a while. That has never happened. I actually quite enjoy the large crowds. I make a video every year and the geeky throng provides me with tons of opportunities to talk with my brethren.
 
Things have changed recently.
 
I think it started with the inclusion of “Twilight”. Now, I don’t hate Twilight. It’s not my cup of tea (sparkly, sparkly tea) but, hey, to each her own when it comes to that. If people want to read that stuff, that’s fine with me. 
 
I’m also no Comic-Con purist who believes that SDCC should JUST be about paper and ink. I enjoy the booths and the excitement of seeing what’s coming up in the world of comic-book-related movies, cartoons and toys – the operative element being “comic-book-related”.
 
I’m cool with some technically non-comic-related things like Star Wars and Star Trek because they each spawned and have maintained comic book lines well after the initial franchises were done. I’m even cool with “Ghostbusters” for the same reasons.
 
I’m even coming to terms with the inclusion of horror movies in the greater Comic-Con sphere. It just seems like Jason, Freddy and certain other franchises just fit, you know?
 
Twilight is not a comic book. It is a novel series. It’s a movie. They can make a comic out of it at some point, but it will never be a comic-book-related thing. Vampire Diaries (Twi-Lite) is the same thing.

Are you sure they don’t like us? I mean, I don’t think I can handle the nerds not liking me.

 
These things do not belong at Comic-Con. The event is already filled to bursting with stuff and people. They have raised prices dramatically, but all that does is ensure that privileged, self-centered and entitled brats can afford to go. Mix the high prices with the ‘tween fan base of some of these newer inclusions and you have a recipe for disaster.
 
You turn the event into a place where rich, ignorant parents drop off their entitled spawn for the day as if it were a mall or theme park. They come in, have no respect for the “real” culture and start bossing people around and writing letters to people whining that they didn’t get to touch some lady-boy’s dainty hand.
 
Comic-Con should be for everyone. I get in as a pro for the hard work I do. I make my video and I go to the panels. I spend part of each day looking for cheap trades to buy and back issues to fill the holes in my collection. I love to talk to people who are into the stuff I’m into. It’s the only place where I can jump from a discussion about Star Wars to Ghostbusters to DC Comics and – yes- even Marvel Comics once in a while.
 
Even restricting ticket sales only to people with Internet access divides things even further.
 
Maybe the solution is to go the E3 route and just banish the general public from the event completely (or just about) and focus more on industry news and interest. Last year, the vendors expanded to the streets and to the hotel next door. That’s a positive step. Move the non-comic stuff off the trade floor and to another venue altogether. That way the ‘tweens and their ilk can go lick on their CW heroes and the rest of us can have some fun and not have to leave for two hours in the middle of the day.
 
I understand that the Organizers are working hard to figure out these problems. I am not someone who goes to Comic-Con to party hop or drink or be part of some group. I go because it’s the only time once a year that I can talk Geek. Real Geek. Not Twi-geek. Not Internet meme Geek. I’m talking the kind of Geek who doesn’t need to wear an ironic t-shirt to be cool.
 
Maybe it’s just the ever-growing curmudgeon inside of me, but this is how I feel. I remember my first Comic-Con as being a fun, exhausting week that I never wanted to end. Recently, someone got stabbed in the eye. Last year, we had to wait 30 minutes in a corner like bad kids while Ryan Reynolds was ushered out. This year? Well, let’s just say I wish they’d moved it to L.A.
 
See you there! 

No big news this week. Well, at least no news I can be funny about. Also, I only bought one book. So, I’ll review that after I say a few words mulling about in my head.

Last week’s LBT included a review of Red 5’s “Abyss: Family Issues”. You can go back and look at it if you want to refresh or acquaint yourself with it. I’m going to keep going. Print is static, you can pick up right where you left off when you get back.

If you don’t want to go back, let me summarize thusly: I wasn’t a huge fan of the book.
Writer Kevin Rubio tracked me down via Facebook and this is what he had to say:
 
Hey Steve-
Read your review of my latest issue of Abyss. Sorry you feel that way about it, but I realize you can’t please everyone.
But just to correct a few misconceptions: my character predates “Kick-Ass” in fact, this particular story line has been sitting on file at Red 5 for three years – the unfortunate casualty of my main (and first artist) who is so good he didn’t have time for this volume, a replacement artist who flaked after 20 pages, and a bad economy that forces smaller companies like Red 5 to have to reschedule their release dates.
The “robot” R.E.D.S., is actually based on Peter Boyle’s character in Young Frankenstein. And while I’m glad you liked the “e-bay” sequence. it is not something I just dropped in for “pop-culture” reference. That scene actually pays off in issue 4.
While I don’t think any of this will change your review, I do hope you will at least give issue two of vol. two a look. and if you like, I would be more then happy to send you the GRFX novel of the first vol. on my dime.
Thanks for reading.
-Kevin

Pretty sweet that someone’s reading, right? Seriously, it got me thinking.
I responded to Kevin that I would be answering this message in my column, so here we go.
 
Dear Kevin:
I have been a critic in one way or another for a long time. I did it professionally in the business of music for years and also reviewed plays and books for a major daily newspaper.
In those days, experiences made me come to believe the role of a critic is – well – critical to the success of art as a whole – both as protector of the artist and arbiter of quality to the masses.
Artists, by and large, get lost in their own headspace quite frequently. It is the job of a critic, in one respect, to protect the artist from the dangers of hubris and the crippling tunnel vision that goes hand in hand with passion for one’s art.
In another aspect, the critic must protect the masses from the results of these maladies. As a music reviewer, I received all of my CDs and albums for free. I didn’t look at it as a perk to be taken for granted. I was grateful and it reinforced my understanding that I was being exposed to both good and bad art in order to make sure the paying public spent their money on things worthwhile.
I never was overtly harsh on things that were simply trash. Those earned a kind word and no language that insinuated my recommendation. Regular readers came to understand and interpret my code for things I didn’t like or couldn’t recommend. My general stance is that there is always something good to say about anything – even if it’s simply to recognize that the thing happened at all.
I reserved my harshest criticisms for those art forms that fell just short of the mark. The ones that tried the hardest and barely failed (or to glass-half-full it, almost succeeded) I felt benefited the most from tough, specific criticism.
Such is the case with “Abyss: Family Issues”. It’s almost there, Kevin. I read and absorbed your justifications and I understand the plight of the indie creator all too well. I have several friends who are working very, very hard to make their own way in this business. The stories they are coming up with are wondrous with nary a cape in sight. I watch them research long hours to make sure their stories are accurate in their use of history and mythology. I watch them argue over dialogue and use of language.
I know that all of that hard work will produce something amazing.
After reading your response, I re-read “Abyss: Family Issues” and I could feel that long shelf-life chewing away at its relevance. I could palpably perceive your frustration at the artists who either could not or would not deliver 100% of your vision. I also felt your desire to achieve wonder in your own story.
You are right that it doesn’t change my review. I stand by what I said. I still see it as a mediocre work overall I don’t say that to place blame myself on any one person or factor for my opinion. In its central “Good son/bad father” story line, the similarities with “Invincible” are still too glaring to ignore and the art is less than acceptable for the grandeur of your vision.
In the end, what matters is the product, regardless of obstacles overcome or miracles performed. In this case, for all of the trials and tribulations, the product suffered and it is my duty as a critic to protect my readers from spending hard-earned money on this particular issue of “Abyss: Family Issues”.

That’s not to say that I won’t read A:FI #2. I respect the balls you’ve shown by standing up for what you believe in and for your art. For that, I am willing to at least spend my cash to see what you come up with and what that eBay payoff will be in issue 4. If and when things get better, I’ll make sure to mention that here. You have my word.
I do wish you good luck with “Abyss” and your other endeavors, Kevin. The fact that the book exists at all is a testament to your hard work. I would simply like to see the product match your efforts in what I am sure has been something short of a picnic for you.
As the Internet both increases and decreases the choices readers have in their entertainment, it becomes exponentially important to rise above mediocrity and become a beacon for good in the lives of both artists and those who appreciate what they do.
 
All the best,
Steve (Dickson)

(Editor’s note, Walton here – I don’t think Dickson has put it together that Kevin Rubio is, in fact, THAT KEVIN RUBIO. Writer and creator of “Tag and Bink are Dead” and the infamous Star Wars/Cops parody TROOPS. While this in no way should or does affect the review, it is mildly humorous. It’s safe to say Kevin is going to land on his feet. We love both of these cats. Only on Geekscape. And for the record, Dickson does not select the images for his articles. Or the videos. Like the one below. Seriously. THAT KEVIN RUBIO. Hilarity ensues.)

AMERICAN VAMPIRE #12

Has it really been a year since we were introduced to bad-ass vampire cowboy Skinner Sweet? What started off as a really cool story about Vampires in Hollywood’s Golden Age has turned into a fang-banging journey through American History.
This issue is a one-off story featuring Sweet and a washed-up Western show in 1919 and the secrets it contains. Skinner gives us the lowdown on all of the shows aging inhabitants and then burns the place down. Yeah, so what I spoiled it. If you’re a reader of AV, then you know that Skinner rarely leaves witnesses.
I love the sequence where the festival impresario is running down the list of his Western “legends” and Sweet is giving us the real story. It’s imaginative and fun.
Plus there is the usual lovely gore I’ve come to love in this book. We don’t get the usual giant-mouthed, long-fingered vamps from the previous books. At least this time we get a new artist in Daniel Zezelj. I mean, to me, the weakest part of this book has been the art. It’s messy and way too interpretive for the stories being told. I’m not saying it sucks. It just isn’t quite the right fit. Gritty, yes. Crazy, no.
ANYWAY, it’s good. You should buy it. It was my only purchase this week.
So, what do you think? Did I miss something you wanted to talk about this week? Lay it on me in the comments section. Keep in mind that part of my last column was labeled “genius” by a very attractive and intelligent woman, so I’m pretty much bullet-proof.
What did you think about my explanation of the critic’s role? I’d love your feedback. 

What’s the big news this week?
A new trailer for “Thor” – or as I like to call it, “Masters of the (Marvel) Universe”. I refer, of course to the Dolph Lundgren-powered masterpiece from the 80s with which “Thor” seems to share a lot of similarity.
This time, however, we have a lead actor with a little less personality and Natalie Portman filling in for the luscious 80s-era Courtney Cox. Oh, and no Billy Barty.
Well, for me, the biggest news is Hugh Jackman juicing up to play Wolverine. The stench of Bryan Singer drifts further into the ether. Close that hole in the ozone on your way out, BS. Thanks.
This week, I had a pretty heavy load. I also bought a lot of comics. It turned out I was reviewing too many books I liked, so I was assigned some this time around. I’m OK with that. The problem was that I left my assignment list at home and ended up only remembering two and just getting all the ones I usually get.
Without further ado, my rouge version of Long Box Thoughts!
 

HELLBLAZER #276

The first post-marriage issue! In the earlier runs of this series, Hellblazer found a good rhythm of extended arcs and one-shot stories. When Garth Ennis took over and the Age of Trades began, the arcs took over for the most part with one-shot stories pretty much dying out.
This issue is both part of the JC/Epiphany arc and a one-shot story in the best tradition of everyone’s favorite bastard. The premise is pretty simple: John is getting evicted from his apartment and works some magic to mess with the guy in charge of the redevelopment project threatening his home. There’s some other stuff about a druid that sets everything in motion, but this story is really about John messing with some twat out to screw him.
I just love the Simon Bisley art. I’m not hip or patient enough to say that I’ve been a fan of his sine the 2000 AD days, but I have enjoyed his work since “LOBO” and that’s quite a long time. The coloring by Brian Buccellato really gives the Biz’s art some weight and structure. Every frame is a treat.
Anyway, yeah. Hellblazer. Do it.
 

S.H.I.E.L.D #6

 
WTF.
 

BATMAN #707

 
THIS is some Bat-action! Swords, fighting, chicks, near-death escapes. The Bat-books have really come around since Pilgrim Batman! Sensei dons the mask of the beholder and all hell breaks loose! The art is amazing and the action is almost non-stop. I’m really liking the post-Final Crisis Bat books. I think that making Dick Grayson the Batman for Gotham was a stroke of genius. I love the new Robin and everyone on the creative staffs has seemed to really stepped up their games.
I argue often about how DC is better than Marvel. My challenge to the Zombies is always to name three iconic-level Marvel characters to match Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. I’m talking “hut-level” popularity here. Meaning that if you went into a hut in Africa and showed the inhabitants a picture of Michael Jordan, they’d probably know him. Michael Jackson, they’ve got Thriller. Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman are all hut-level characters. Marvel probably has one: Spider-Man.
I mean, Supes and Wonder Woman are kind of faltering on the quality front. Leather jackets and Forrest Kent aren’t really working the magic they should be, but Batman books have been kicking ass. Way to go to keep the character relevant, DC. I mean, I’m pretty far from picking up any Bat-title on faith (except maybe “Batman and Robin”), but to bring me back to the fold in any way is an accomplishment. I’m a hard ass when it comes to my credit-spending, so anyway.

 FABLES #102

OK, JL, I know I reviewed a FABLES book last week, but that was a miniseries. This is the continuation of the main storyline and it’s… um… yeah.
I mean, it starts off enigmatically and stuff. “Six months later…” and so on. I’ve come to learn to trust Fables when it goes off in weird directions.
I am of the belief that there is no one more passionate than a convert. I am a convert to this book.
I only mildly liked the first story arc and then skipped the rest of it until recently when I read every trade there is to catch up and then got hooked on the clever use of literature, the bold assertions about the nature of these characters’ world and the daring storytelling.
This issue finds Bigby returning to Haven to find Ozma working with Pinocchio to thwart the efforts of Mr. Dark by assembling a “super team” build on the precepts of comic books. Meanwhile, Mr. Dark is working at the borders of Flycatcher’s hidden kingdom and it looks like he might be gaining some advantage.
If this makes any sense to you, then you know you must pick up this book. If it doesn’t, then stick around for the next review. It’s probably more your speed.
 

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #654.1

 
The “.1” is supposed to mean that anyone can just jump into this storyline and be OK. I don’t see how that’s possible since there are many threads that obviously rely on the reader knowing, at least in passing, what’s been happening in the Spidey universe.
Which makes me the perfect person to review this issue. The last Spider-Man anything I read was the “One More Day” trade paperback. I will talk about this issue like anyone reading this knows nothing about Spider-Man and then see if this is really a point at which any uneducated reader can just “jump on” and be OK.
So, to recap (or introduce): Flash Thompson is a major character, legless war vet and Venom. Apparently they’ve harnessed the Venom symbiote for use as a weapon.
Flash Thompson was a bully we saw briefly in the origin of Spidey who disliked Peter Parker (Spider-Man’s real identity). This issue has a short expository note at the beginning explaining that Flash lost his legs in the Iraq wars.
Venom is an alien symbiote that Peter Parker picked up in the awesome Marvel cross-over event “Secret Wars II”. At first it was all cool and black and then it tried to merge with Peter, fell in love with him and then was removed.
I’m just going to stop with my experiment right there. This is NOT the perfect jumping-on point for anyone. It’s a way to sell older trade paperbacks and/or digital back issues by offering tantalizing tidbits about recent story developments. It’s also a blatant commercial for the upcoming “Venom” solo book (another one?).
I mean, I’m cool with that, just say what it is. No need to lie. Of course, Marvel’s demos are probably pretty susceptible to this kind of crap, so I guess it’s their fault for liking stupid comics.  
It really seems that Marvel is going for the Twilight-level readers with a lot of its stuff recently. Good for them! The key to survival is to brand people when they’re at that critical consumer age-range of 12-17. I don’t have to like it and it’s really not leading to quality anything, but when the dust settles, they’ll be on top. Just like Taco Bell was in Demolition Man. GO MARVEL.
 

JENNIFER BLOOD #1

Garth Ennis continues to skewer convention by offering this tale of a suburban housewife who has a hidden armory in her house, slips her kids valium to keep them asleep at night and uses that time to hunt down the criminal element plaguing her town.
Yeah, that’s what this book is about. There are scenes of perfect domestic tranquility and then images of abject gore and horror. In other words, it’s pure Ennis.
My eye at first seems to view the art as ugly. But the scenes of gore are pretty amazing. Adriano Batista really loves to gross out the reader and I love that. It reminds me of Steve Dillon’s work on Hellblazer/Preacher. A lot of people complained about the uniformity of Dillon’s work, but no one could draw the look of disbelief on the face of a dude with his lower jaw missing any better.
I think I like this book. I mean, it’s really weird. So far, the lead character has very little motivation for doing what she does and her “journal” entries make her seem more than just a little crazy. Plus, how does “Mrs. Mom” know how to do all of these things? I guess we’ll find out soon.

FINALLY:
 

ABYSS: FAMILY ISSUES #1

Yeah, I don’t know. This title borrows from so many other books, it’s almost shameful. It’s “Invincible” meets “Kick-Ass” meets “Iron Giant”. The art isn’t all that great and very obviously all done on computers. The backgrounds are boring and the frames are uninteresting. The characters warp and change perspective. The way the women are drawn would give Rob Liefeld a run for his money, except they have feet, so I won’t be too critical. But check out the thighs on “Quiver” as she’s sitting on her bed. I mean, I like ‘em thick, but make up your mind, which is it?
The art isn’t the only thing that gets tiresome in this issue. There are a few pop references thrown in to add flavor. The little bit at the front about a hero trying to beat an eBay sniper is clever, but unnecessary. It’s always better to further your story than throw in geek-bait. I’m sure that someone thought the Twitter thing at the end was funny, but a lot of them are poorly written. If you want to be seen as clever, it helps to be so.
I don’t hate this book. I just don’t like it. I do applaud and support indie comics. For reals, yo. I just think that if you’re going to labor for love, make it look like you love your labor. This book is sloppy and derivative. It probably gets lost on the racks every month and rightfully so.
I don’t say this hate, people. I say this to ask indie comics studios of all shapes and sizes to step up your games. There’s a bold new world coming and if you’re pounding out mediocre shit, you’re done.

That’s it! Thanks for reading. If you agree, disagree, hate, love, loathe or just want to chat, hit up the comments section below. I’m open and available for any and all flames or compliments.
Next week: MORE!

So the X-Men: First Class trailer came out this week. I watched it. All I can say for sure is that it can’t be worse than X’s 1-2. I guess I’ll know more when it comes out.
 
So, inside the long box where I do my thinking, this week was a big one. Three books chewed away at my credit, including a “chancer”. I made up that word.

Hotwire: Deep Cut (Radical Publishing)

Before I get to those books, though, I have to shout out to Radical on the “Hotwire: Deep Cut” mini-series.
 
I reviewed #3 last week and remarked that I hadn’t read the rest of the story and, blam! They sent me the first two. I still feel that, if “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” hadn’t been made, this would be a shoo-in for a great movie. As a comic, it’s still amazing. The rest of the story reveals Alice Hotwire’s ghost boyfriend and layers in the complexities of a world overrun and living in fear of hostile, energy-based beings.
 
Overall, this book is breathtaking to look at. Every frame has something great going on, as a great movie would. The art is stupefying. I showed issue #2 to a comics art snob in the shop this week and he totally loved it – and bought it.
 
I look forward to tracking down the first series and further educating myself on the Hotwire world.
 
OK, back to my purchases from this week’s rack.
 

CINDERELLA: Fables are Forever #1 (DC/Vertigo)

I only recently became converted to the “Fables” world and am at that honeymoon stage where I would buy just about anything (except “Jack of Fables”) that had the Fables name on it.
 
Aside from the dippy title (Yeah, I get it.), this is a pretty good little side story with some potential to cause ripples in the “main” story of the Fables’ troubles with Mr. Dark.
 
Rather than review right off the bat, allow me to conjecture and not explain anything: Since the main story involves the witch Ozma, I’m going to assume that Bufkin’s recent return to Oz and Cinderella’s face-off with this particular adversary in her book will all interconnect at some point. How is that going to play out? I’m excited to find out.
 
“Fables” sometimes tries hard to be clever and other times, doesn’t have to try so hard. I want to assume that the reason they use the characters they do in “Cinderella” is to make the story interconnect with what’s going on in the main book. Otherwise, it really smacks of “let’s see what popular literary character we can put a ‘twist’ on this time!” – which is tiresome to me.
 
However, I’m still sweet on the thing and will pick up the next issue and hope to be blown away. At the very least, there are chicks in bikinis. That’s pretty OK with me. Yeah, I know they’re cartoons. I’m sad in lonely in the long box, all right?
 

B.P.R.D HELL ON EARTH: GODS #2 (DARK HORSE)

It’s a return to the crazy shitball of craziness once again for fans of BPRD and Abe Sapien and so on. I have to say that I am no comics art snob. I worked through that whole early 90s period of “Hellblazer” with no problem. The art in BPRD, though… I mean. Um. I mostly can’t stand it. It bugs me. It looks horrible when compared to the other books in the Mignola-verse. It makes EVERYONE unattractive and so I don’t know whom to hate.
 
The story is so awesome and complex that the weird and messy art is distracting. I mean… I’m saying… I don’t know. My sycophantic leanings forbid me from really trashing a Mignola book, so I will say that I did really enjoy and “LOL”’d at the entrance of Professor O’Donnell and Kate’s reaction of “Oh boy”. That dude looks straight bonkos. Then, happily, he breaks everything down so we get a handle on what’s going on.
 
I don’t know really what else to say about this issue. It’s heavy on exposition and maybe it’s good cos Abe and Devon straighten things out, but Abe’s still mad at Devon in the end. By the time the issue ends, we’ve caught up with the story started in #1.
 
I dunno. Maybe someday, there’ll be an art reboot and I can be less of an asshole. I know that other Geekscapers love this art. Whatevs.
 

BATMAN AND ROBIN #20 (DC)

This was the book I took a chance on this week (“chancer”). I really enjoyed the Black Mask storyline from before, but I didn’t care much for the whole “Return of Bruce Wayne” mess. I haven’t bought a Batman book since then. I have to admit that it was the cover by Gleason and Irwin that compelled me to pick it up. Sue me.
 
This is the first part of a three-part story and I like that too. The art by Gleason and Mick Gray is hell yeah. Little details crowd every frame and the tableau with the Wayne “Family” watching Zorro is really cool.
 
Before the issue is over, someone goes splat, Damian’s a brat and there are some glowing bats. Damian Wayne has to be my favorite character in this book. He’s the greatest Robin ever, that’s for sure. He’s obviously a force to be reckoned with, but never stops being what he really is: a ten-year old boy. He’s constantly playing with his video game or looking at his phone – and the bit where Gordon puts him in his place is classic.
 
I never thought I would pick up anything called Batman and Robin, but none of the issues I’ve picked up have ever disappointed me. I am almost ready to pick up issue #21 sight unseen… who knows?
 
So, what did I miss? Is there something I should be reading? Even a Marvel book? Let me know in the comments. I love comments.
 

Let me first say how awesome it is to be writing “Long Box Thoughts” for Geekscape. Even though those guys hardly even talk to me on Facebook, I still love ‘em. Whatevs, still chums, right?
This week was a heavy week for me. Like, four books eating away at my credit. No Marvel. I just normally pass that section by. I do have to say, though, that Marvel is winning in the cover art war. Those Deadpool covers always crack me up.

WHAT I DID READ THIS WEEK by Dickson

If Mike Mignola took a piece of paper and drew a cat while blindfolded, I would pay $3.99 for it. Naturally, then, my first thoughts dwell on two books on the shelves this week: “Hellboy: The Sleeping and The Dead” #2 and “WITCHFINDER: Lost and Gone Forever” #1 (Caps intended, this is Witchfinder, yo).

Hellboy: The Sleeping and The Dead

The Hellboy book wraps up a cool story about Big Red and a nest of vampires. The art by Scott Hampton is pretty fancy pants, but it has a lot of humor. The monsters look great and it certainly is a nice change from the heavy inks of Duncan Fegredo in “The Storm”. Not to imply that I dislike those heavy inks. Sorry. Forgive… forgive…
My only complaint is that I’m paying $7 for a 2-part story that will be in a trade I purchase in the future. I got spoiled by entering the Hellboy universe via trades and so am unused to the long wait periods between stuff. Whine.

WITCHFINDER: Lost and Gone Forever

WITCHFINDER takes paranormal hunter/killer Edward Grey to the American Old West (is there any other kind? I see it written like this and being a conformist, I must obey) in search of… well, it’s never clear what he’s looking for. Upon arriving in a mining town, he finds a hag praying in a church, discovers some magic stuff inside and gets yelled at. Then, he goes into a bar to ask some questions and gets yelled at AND challenged to a gun fight, where h shoots some fools and gets yelled at. Then he’s rescued by your average buckskin-wearing Western crazy man – who yells at him. In the end, we kind of get an idea of what’s going to happen, but you know how these books work.
The art is gritty, but not annoying, but the story is almost tangibly frustrating. Again, waiting for the trade? I wish I had the patience.
NEXT ONE NOW PLEASE. Argh.

Crossed: Family Values

Moving away from Mignola-verse I picked up “Crossed: Family Values”
#7. What can I say about “Crossed”? I shall now speak in the language of “Crossed” in order to explain it. Parental guidance suggested in the following paragraphs.
This fucking book is fucked up. A bunch of people get infected by a weird disease that causes a fucking cross to appear on their faces and they go crazy. They rip off their own dicks and wear them as hats.
They rape and eat anything that moves – and not always in that order.
A mother threatens to shove her own daughter back up into her C U Next Tuesday. A (uninfected) dad rapes his own daughter. Babies are shot through the head. Heads explode, Fuck is said a million times and there is a very loving frame featuring a shit coming out of someone’s ass.
In short: Awesomeness. I have to admit I have not read the first “Crossed” series written by the great Garth Ennis, but this series stays true to the Ennis disdain for religion themed out in his other books. This book reminds me of the books my first comic book shop used to keep behind the counter. Books like “Deadworld” and “Faust”… you guys probably don’t remember those. It’s OK. My current shop doesn’t even bother to hide books like that at all – they’re just out there. I love this age in which we live.
Frankly, I’m not sure there’s much to “Crossed” than its shock value.
But, I love artistic freedom and gore and guts. There is also plenty of nudity and a guy wearing his cock for a hat.
Hm. Reading that last paragraph, I think I might be maturing… nahhhh.
I love gore and violence and cartoon nudity. I don’t get my rocks off on it, but I do enjoy the fact that the most violent acts imaginable can be played out safely on paper. So what if kids see it? It’s not the job of comics publishers or creators to educate children. It starts with the parents. I’m more afraid that parents will start reading something like “Crossed” and decide it’s OK to have sex with their children.

Hotwire: Deep Cut

Finally, I received a review copy of “Hotwire: Deep Cut” from Radical. I’m of the mind that I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member, so when someone sends something for review, I usually expect work that is subpar.

That being said (mostly to increase anticipation) Hotwire is amazing.
Looking at the stunning and beautiful artwork, I remembered that I had picked up a Hotwire book sometime last year and was dazzled by the artwork. As this was issue #3 (of 3) I didn’t expect to understand everything. Let me attempt to sum up: A futuristic Natalie Maynes from the Dixie Chicks fights the monsters from “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” with technology from “Avatar” and “Ghostbusters”. Sorry, I think best with comparison.
The story picks up with Alice Hotwire – Detective Exorcist (futuristic Natalie Maynes) trying to curb the enthusiasm of an invading horde of “blue lights” (ghosts) that are following a ghost in an exo-skeleton who is carrying a woman with a ghost head who is also pregnant.
In the meantime, she also has to deal with a “Blackwater” style private security firm with advanced weaponry, scheming team-mates, an untested proton pa- er… “soul-eater” weapon and her own mental well-being. It’s quite a ride.
Having not read the previous two issues, I can’t give a fair assessment of the story as a whole, but I sure would love to read those first bits of the story… ahem. In any case, the art by Steve Pugh (who also pretty much IS the rest of the creative staff, having written, illustrated, lettered and co-created the book) is absolutely mind blowing. It reminds me of Alex Ross at his most frenetic. The color palette is vibrant and the images of the “blue lights” are really exciting and dangerous-looking.
In short, pick up the first issues of this series (or wait for the trade) if you’re a fan of crazy action with a cute, crazy, “short-arsed” chick in the lead. Plus ghosts. Plus ‘splosions! Great work. I look forward to seeing the past and future adventures of Alice Hotwire.

Did I miss something? Why are you looking at me that way? A British Superman? Are you kidding? The Brits wouldn’t let ANY Americans in the Harry Potter movies! Oh well, Superman’s an alien anyway and it seems to be less and less OK to talk about being an American as something good these days. Don’t even get me started on “The Stand” remake. I’ll slash a screen for reals, yo. Don’t mess with my Bible.
Make comments. Me love ‘em.

This week, the Human Torch died. Killed by bugs and robots. Well “killed”. We don’t actually see him die. It all made no sense to me. I haven’t read a Fantastic Four book in like 10 years and won’t read any more after this one.

In other blunders, I think I might have challenged Geekscape friend and “Aliens” expert to an Aliens-trivia-off. Oh well, I’m a winner.
That’s how I live the life I do. Excuse me, while I adjust my chair so it’s not on this wayward chicken wing bone.

My credit took a beating this week! I picked up three books! Well, four, but I don’t count the poly-bagged (for no real reason, there wasn’t a card in there or anything) Fantastic Four. I’m not going to review that one, by the way. Really. Who gives a Fantastic F***?

Zatanna #9 (DC, $2.99)

The first dent in my pay came by means of Zatanna #9. I dunno. You would think that books about chicks are all lame, but this one is good. I got hooked reading the first couple for free at the shop, but I bought them and kept buying. I think we can all agree that a female hero-based comic succeeds if all of the pages are unstuck together. So, Zatanna’s a winner.

This storyline concerns a puppet and some other stuff. Issue #9 starts off with Z in her underwear, lashed onto her bed with puppet string, mouth taped up and… um. Well that’s all you really need and probably want to know. It’s a good ish. Pick it up. Oh, and it’s also the first of DCs value covers I’ve picked up. I mean their awesome cool white/logo covers. Whatever. Lower the price, skimp on the cover. I get it.

SIDE NOTE: This issue and every other issue of every comic this week (yes, even non-DC) seems to include a preview for “The New York Five”.
It apparently tells the story of five (or four, I’m not sure I care) young, hot chicks living life in New York and experiencing all that the City has to offer while learning about themselves and their world.

Written by two men.

Is it just me – or are we all expecting (hoping) it just degrades into a black and white wank-fest? I can’t be the only one irked and a little disturbed that two grown men have such a passion to be young women that they would make this (the second book) piece of “art”?
Whatever. It’s taking away pages of books I actually give a shit about. I mean, only Stephen King could write “Carrie” but that’s Stephen FREAKING King!

I applaud DC for stretching the boundaries, but between this “New York Five” thing and that “How to Survive Israel for 6 Days” (or whatever) book, the ends of Vertigo books are getting to be pretty lame. Just send out a mailer. K, thx.

American Vampire #11 (DC/Vertigo $2.99)

Staying with Vertigo, another book to be invaded by the “NY5” ß kewl abbreevz preview was “American Vampire” #11. Even though the art makes everyone look like they slept off a drunk on their faces, I still like the way Mateus Santoluco draws angry vampires. There’s plenty of blood and action in this episode. Again, though, there’s a New York Five thing at the end. At least I got my satisfaction from this one.

Finally, the story of Pearl and Hattie starts to really get back to business and I can’t wait for the inevitable showdown! This book is a great vampire book and historically-based story. The art has always been the weak point, but oh well. It’s still good.

FABLES #101 (DC/Vertigo, 2.99)

Rounding out the DC Triple: The last book to suck up my hard-earned credit was the eagerly-awaited FABLES #101. “Fables” 100 was such a masterpiece it got me to backtrack and buy up trades like mad. While reading the trades, I constantly was reminded how lucky I was to have these complete stories and didn’t have to wait through filler issues or “The Great Fables Crossover” to get back to the main story. This is one of those issues that makes me want to just wait for the trade to get back to the story of Mr. Dark and the Fables’ resistance.

This time, a wingless flying monkey climbs a tree and ends up in Oz. A pumpkin head (not Merv) and some other Oz-ians greet him. What I’m hoping is that this sets up some big reveal regarding Ozma over in the main story. No matter what, that monkey gets up to some big doings.
Maybe I’m being a little hard on the li’l guy. He did kill Baba Yaga, after all. Yeah, I take it back. This book is just too awesome to bash.

In any case, it’s a great book and I don’t regret a single purchase this week. Well, except that Fantastic Four thing. Sometimes, though, we have to do what we can to keep the great comic books companies (and Marvel) in business to protect things we all love.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll loosen up on “New York Five” if it Nickelbacks me enough. What’s “Nickelbacking” you ask? It’s a phrase I coined in the late 90s when radio stations (what we had for music before iPods) would play three Nickelback songs so many times in an hour that, after being relentlessly hammered with this stuff, one would just give in and find oneself saying “I kind of like this!”

Nickelbacking works. Try it sometime. If you love Nickelback, then tell me I’m wrong when I attribute their success to the same methods they use to drive terrorists insane. Hit me up in the comments or in the forums or wherever you lurk. See you next week.

Anne Hathaway’s hot. Bane kicked the shit out of Batman. Deal with it. Christopher Nolan’s done no wrong so far. Trust the man.
 
OK, enough of movie-talk.
 
This week was ANOTHER light week for me. I am so very selective with how I spend my credit. That’s right fools. I work for comics. I don’t have a sign, a golden voice or anything either. Deal with it.
 
Some people think, “If I had a ton of credit every month at a comic shop I would read EVERYTHING.” Not true. I save most of my money for when the next Fables trade comes out or a new Hellboy library collection or something. I am very choosy like moms and peanut butter. Actually I’m allergic to peanut butter, so bad analogy. I’m choosy like every girl I’ve ever asked out ever. THAT’s pretty F-N choosy.
 
Anyway, this week I picked up TWO books once again: Hellblazer #275 (DC/Vertigo, $4.99) and Superior #4 (Marvel/Icon, $2.99).

Superior

Superior is the story of a crippled kid who gets visited by a talking monkey in a spacesuit that grants him the powers and appearance of his world’s most popular comic book superhero. It’s like “BIG” with capes and swearing.
 
In this chapter the boy-turned-superhero gets tricked by a big-breasted, slutty reporter into giving his first on-camera interview. He handles it with incredible media savvy and flies away. Then he promises the president he’ll end the war in Afghanistan and flies away. Oh, and he also inadvertently creates what I assume will be his nemesis by flying a bully to the North Pole to teach him a lesson – then flies away.
 
It’s hard to hate this book. I kind of really want to. Each issue features heavy fan-oriented content, like ads for shops and – in one issue – an actor’s headshot. Even the character is named after a contest winner or something. The name itself, real or not, always makes me snicker when I see it written. I’m insensitive. Eat me.
 
But… I can’t hate it. As much as you want me to, I just can’t. I’m enjoying the sort of “what would I do” question posed by the story and the last page of this issue made me laugh – and it’s not just the talking space monkey… though I DO love a good monkey.
 
They’ll probably slap the first 6 issues into a trade, so maybe pick it up then. It’s shaping up to be cosmically weird, so that’s good. The art is a little heavy, but I got used to it. Leinil Yu can sure draw a nice set o’ bewbs. Just sayin’. It’s a way to pass the time until Kick-Ass 2 #2 comes out in any case.
 

Hellblazer

In what is probably my favorite single issue of 2011, John Constantine gets F-N married in Hellblazer #275. I’ll ruin it for you. There is a wedding. John and the smoking hot (for a cartoon) Epiphany get married. Of course, they don’t get hitch without a hitch – this IS John Constantine, after all. There are ghosts, demons, more demons, mobsters, the return of Kit and, oh yeah, demons.
 
I’ve said before that my loyalty to Hellblazer ended with Ennis and Dillon’s run. I never bought another until last year’s SD Comic-Con when the seed was planted to pick up some of the current runs.
 
Hold on a minute. NOTHING will ever be the same as Ennis and Dillon on this book. NOTHING. The main reason these newer arcs even work is by drawing on the majesty of the E/D runs (I know, that shorthand looks like two terrible health disorders combined. Deal with it).
 
That being said, this book is my pick of the year so far. It has everything a Constantine fan (?) could want. Current storylines are wrapped up and new ones are forged. The art is very impressionistic but anyone who’s read most of the current runs (I’m thinking of the incredible “India” storyline) is used to it by now. Epiphany has to be my favorite female Constantine character ever (though seeing Kit back made my stomach flip). This woman exists in real life, guys. I know her. You might think you know someone like her. I know her. Perhaps someday I’ll introduce you.
 
ANYWAY… I never thought I’d see a “very special episode” of Hellblazer, but this is it. If you are a fan, were a fan or are thinking about becoming one, get this issue and perhaps the one before it. You’ll want to backtrack, I promise. I won’t stop bugging you until you do.
 
I’m a convert and you know how annoying we bastards are hee hee.
 
To wrap up: I’m tired of light weeks. Let’s get the ball rolling here. If you guys think I should be reading what you’re reading, let me know. I’m easy and open. Just be prepared to be put on the spot if I hate it. I DON’T read “The Ultimates”. Sorry, I tried. Tried and failed? I tried and died.
 
Post in the comments if you have any. I don’t have a snazzy @geekscape.net e-mail so just go ahead and e-mail Brian or Jonathan with comments, suggestions, recipes, tirades, threats or manifestos. They’ll pass ‘em on, won’t you boys?
 
PS: Congrats GS on four years. I’m happy to be a part of this adventure and I look forward to someday being invited to the podcast. It was quite a party, from what I can remember.

So DC is setting their standard price point at $2.99. They’re celebrating this by reducing their covers to the main characters and the logo representing the comic book. Thanks, DC. I love knowing that paying less means less stuff. I guess it does make sense. I don’t know. I saw all of those white covers and thought I’d gone snow blind.

You know me – I hate everything.

It was a light week for comics – well, for me anyway. I don’t really purchase Marvel or DC books on the whole. I was briefly reading Batman and Robin, drawn in by the awesome Quitely covers, but that quickly went nowhere. Though I am liking this new Robin. He’s a little prick.

This week I picked up only two books. BOTH WINNERS! See? I like stuff.

B.P.R.D. Hell on Earth: Gods (Dark Horse; $3.50)

Of course, anything with “Mignola” on the cover is in my hand automatically. So, it’s no surprise that my first purchase was “B.P.R.D. Hell on Earth: Gods” (Dark Horse; $3.50). I am excited to see how the apocalypse will unfold. Cities have already been destroyed, a monster breathes people into smaller monsters and Ben Daimyo came back in the first part of this story. Now, we have a rag-tag band of miscreant teens headed up by a psychic hipster chick hopping trains, getting into fights and talking. A lot. The last page has Abe Sapien with a gun! AWESOME!

I still can’t get used to Guy Davis’ art. I mean, we are so spoiled by Duncan Fegredo’s work over in Hellboy that the art in B.P.R.D. looks overall like scribbles and weird faces in comparison. I don’t know.

I’m probably just a cretin. The story by Mike and John Arcudi is still unfolding, but previous B.P.R.D. storylines have been nothing short of epic. Overused word? Yes but sometimes it just fits. Your stupid Yogi Bear hat isn’t “epic”, hipster. End-of-the-world monsters are. Check.

Mate.

Infinite Vacation (Image; $3.50)

The other book I bought this week is, excuse me, F N WEIRD. Dog. It’s called “Infinite Vacation (Image; $3.50)” and it goes a little something like this: Mark lives many lives, all at once, all the time.

When something doesn’t seem to be going his way, he hops on his smartphone and buys another reality, based on lives and experiences from other Marks in infinite realities. He sometimes travels to these other realities to stay for a while with other Marks. He stays with a Mark who decided to open a surf shop in Fiji. He has another Mark for a therapist. Stuff like that.

Then, trouble comes in two forms. He learns through the infinite reality social network that Fiji Mark has been killed. Even though he explains to himself in therapy that Marks die all the time, he gets freaked because the deaths seem to be occurring inordinately amongst the Marks he has gotten to know.  Compounding his frustration is his chance meeting and subsequent attraction to a “dead-ender”.

Dead-enders don’t believe in altering your fate with infinite vacations. They just let life go the way it’s planned. I’m suspecting this girl is going to factor into his conflict, one way or the other.

So there you go. I don’t know what the hell is going on in this book.

I summarized because I don’t know what to say. Is this book too smart for me? It could be, but I think I like it. The art by Christian Ward is suitably trippy and there’s a sequence of panels done “Tom Goes to The Mayor” style with actual photographic images supplying the illustration for an explanation of the infinite vacation. The story bends me mind around like a merry-go-round on a record player, so thanks to Nick Spencer for taking the necessary creative enhancements to be able to come up with this.

Wolverine: The Best There Is (Marvel)

Ah… OK! You got it. Got what you say? A little hate, that’s what.

This week, the hate comes down on “Wolverine: The Best There Is”. What the hell, guys. Marvel. Come on. Hey. Come on. What? Guys. Come on.

OK, the book is gory. Way to slap it to the Mouse House.

In the first issue, we do get to see Wolverine try to shed the shame Bryan Singer and his merry men laid on him in the movies and chop some fools. Blood flows and ####’s are in abundance (that means a swear word). However, the first issue was mostly about Logan’s hair styling skills. My roommate summarizes her hatred for this book by telling people, “at one point, someone calls him ‘Mr. Wolverine’ and he says ‘Mr. Wolverine was my father! HAW’”, where “haw” is what is written there. That pretty much sums up the atrocious writing in this book.

The second issue, I admit, had me laughing out loud (LOL’ing) as Wolverine chopped a guys arms and legs off and the gore gets ramped up to 11. I don’t have a problem with the art or even with the gore. I mean, sure, it’s not for kids, I get that, but the writing and situations are like fan fiction come to life. Marvel is paying people to make this book? Really? REALLY? Give me some of that money and I’ll come up with something far, far stupider in half the time. It’s like they couldn’t afford to get Joss, so they got someone who wants to be Joss to badly imitate him. Dreck! I DECLARE DRECK!

That’s it for now. If you think I’m full of ####, then tell me so. Is there something I should be reading? I’ll check it out. Want to talk about what you had for breakfast? Hit me up.