Longbox Thoughts: Fables, Zatanna, and American Vampire

This week, the Human Torch died. Killed by bugs and robots. Well “killed”. We don’t actually see him die. It all made no sense to me. I haven’t read a Fantastic Four book in like 10 years and won’t read any more after this one.

In other blunders, I think I might have challenged Geekscape friend and “Aliens” expert to an Aliens-trivia-off. Oh well, I’m a winner.
That’s how I live the life I do. Excuse me, while I adjust my chair so it’s not on this wayward chicken wing bone.

My credit took a beating this week! I picked up three books! Well, four, but I don’t count the poly-bagged (for no real reason, there wasn’t a card in there or anything) Fantastic Four. I’m not going to review that one, by the way. Really. Who gives a Fantastic F***?

Zatanna #9 (DC, $2.99)

The first dent in my pay came by means of Zatanna #9. I dunno. You would think that books about chicks are all lame, but this one is good. I got hooked reading the first couple for free at the shop, but I bought them and kept buying. I think we can all agree that a female hero-based comic succeeds if all of the pages are unstuck together. So, Zatanna’s a winner.

This storyline concerns a puppet and some other stuff. Issue #9 starts off with Z in her underwear, lashed onto her bed with puppet string, mouth taped up and… um. Well that’s all you really need and probably want to know. It’s a good ish. Pick it up. Oh, and it’s also the first of DCs value covers I’ve picked up. I mean their awesome cool white/logo covers. Whatever. Lower the price, skimp on the cover. I get it.

SIDE NOTE: This issue and every other issue of every comic this week (yes, even non-DC) seems to include a preview for “The New York Five”.
It apparently tells the story of five (or four, I’m not sure I care) young, hot chicks living life in New York and experiencing all that the City has to offer while learning about themselves and their world.

Written by two men.

Is it just me – or are we all expecting (hoping) it just degrades into a black and white wank-fest? I can’t be the only one irked and a little disturbed that two grown men have such a passion to be young women that they would make this (the second book) piece of “art”?
Whatever. It’s taking away pages of books I actually give a shit about. I mean, only Stephen King could write “Carrie” but that’s Stephen FREAKING King!

I applaud DC for stretching the boundaries, but between this “New York Five” thing and that “How to Survive Israel for 6 Days” (or whatever) book, the ends of Vertigo books are getting to be pretty lame. Just send out a mailer. K, thx.

American Vampire #11 (DC/Vertigo $2.99)

Staying with Vertigo, another book to be invaded by the “NY5” ß kewl abbreevz preview was “American Vampire” #11. Even though the art makes everyone look like they slept off a drunk on their faces, I still like the way Mateus Santoluco draws angry vampires. There’s plenty of blood and action in this episode. Again, though, there’s a New York Five thing at the end. At least I got my satisfaction from this one.

Finally, the story of Pearl and Hattie starts to really get back to business and I can’t wait for the inevitable showdown! This book is a great vampire book and historically-based story. The art has always been the weak point, but oh well. It’s still good.

FABLES #101 (DC/Vertigo, 2.99)

Rounding out the DC Triple: The last book to suck up my hard-earned credit was the eagerly-awaited FABLES #101. “Fables” 100 was such a masterpiece it got me to backtrack and buy up trades like mad. While reading the trades, I constantly was reminded how lucky I was to have these complete stories and didn’t have to wait through filler issues or “The Great Fables Crossover” to get back to the main story. This is one of those issues that makes me want to just wait for the trade to get back to the story of Mr. Dark and the Fables’ resistance.

This time, a wingless flying monkey climbs a tree and ends up in Oz. A pumpkin head (not Merv) and some other Oz-ians greet him. What I’m hoping is that this sets up some big reveal regarding Ozma over in the main story. No matter what, that monkey gets up to some big doings.
Maybe I’m being a little hard on the li’l guy. He did kill Baba Yaga, after all. Yeah, I take it back. This book is just too awesome to bash.

In any case, it’s a great book and I don’t regret a single purchase this week. Well, except that Fantastic Four thing. Sometimes, though, we have to do what we can to keep the great comic books companies (and Marvel) in business to protect things we all love.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll loosen up on “New York Five” if it Nickelbacks me enough. What’s “Nickelbacking” you ask? It’s a phrase I coined in the late 90s when radio stations (what we had for music before iPods) would play three Nickelback songs so many times in an hour that, after being relentlessly hammered with this stuff, one would just give in and find oneself saying “I kind of like this!”

Nickelbacking works. Try it sometime. If you love Nickelback, then tell me I’m wrong when I attribute their success to the same methods they use to drive terrorists insane. Hit me up in the comments or in the forums or wherever you lurk. See you next week.