Warning: Potential spoilers follow!
The New Year is here! Which means for many of us, it’s a perfect time to reflect on the past year and think about what you did right, what you can improve on and how you can tackle 2016 in the best way possible. Or for the rest of us, you think back on all the fictional characters you were totally crushing on through 2015.
Yes, that’s right! It’s time for the second annual waifu of the year list (check out last year’s list right here), and if you were expecting it to be a one and done feature after I would have been inevitably added to the sexual offenders list, I’m just as surprised as you are. But before we get into the list, let’s show some appreciation for the fantastic waifu candidates that just missed the cut this year.
Rise Kujikawa (Persona 4: Dancing All Night)
While in the midst of a big comeback tour, a pop idol should probably spend her time brushing up on her choreography and screaming at interns for bringing them the wrong mineral water. Yet, Ms. Kujikawa decides to spend it saving her understudies from the clutches of monsters who must be fought with the power of dance. It was hard to list Rise over the new girl, Kanami Mashita, but considering the new girl is a big reason why the crap hit the fan to begin with, her senpai gets the nod here. The only reason why Rise didn’t make the main list is because her time to shine is essentially stolen by the swagtastic Yu Narukami, but that doesn’t mean her contributions shouldn’t be acknowledged.
Toko Fukawa (Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls)
In the original Danganronpa, Toko was often rude, shrewd, and oh so smelly, to the point where her alter ego overshadowed her in every possible way. When you consider that said alter ego is a serial killer, then you must really be a special kind of awful. Then Another Episode came along, and we were reintroduced to a strong, steadfast girl who was able to be Komaru’s voice of reason when being trapped on a secluded island full of killer robot Monokuma’s become too much to bear, (pun intended af.) So much so in fact, that even Genocide Jack develops self control along the way, serving as an invaluable ally for the Future Foundation. Toko would have normally been a shoe in for this year’s waifu list, except that she still only has eyes for Byakuya Togami. Anyone else would likely wind up dead, so yeah… There’s that.
Quest Receptionist (Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate)
Always there to greet you with a smile and a bad joke right before you take off to fight towering beasts that are likely to maul you, the mission girl is the cornerstone of any successful caravan. Now if she actually did something more than sit in a chair and make fun of you, then she would definitely be top waifu material. Regardless, she left her mark on the hearts of the Monster Hunter fandom, and that’s what counts.
Ayumi Shinozaki (Corpse Party: Blood Drive)
A shy girl with good intentions, this spiritually sensitive girl will do anything for her friends, even if it means diving back into a haunted school where most of them were previously killed in the hopes that she can revive them. Such loyalty is rare these days, which is why Ayumi deserves a nod. But we should also mention that her friends are essentially dead because of her, and returning to revive them means the ones that are still alive could end up killed as a result! But you know, an A for effort, Ayumi.
The Criminal Girls (Criminal Girls)
Now we can’t compile a list as pathetic amazing this one and not talk about the Criminal Girls, a group of mostly underage female inmates that are forced to help you as a guard, (who’s essentially a Pokemon Trainer if the monsters were girls of questionable morals,) escape a prison overrun with demons. That would be all well and good if criminals had any respect for the law, but considering these girls have an NWA attitude towards your authority, the only way to get them to follow your commands is to tie them down and spank them into submission… I mean, that really says it all, doesn’t it? The girls might have made the proper list if the game they star in wasn’t an absolute bore to play, but the concept is too absurd to ignore. So here’s your time to shine girls! And we’ll see you in 2016 in the sequel!
So after asking yourself how this made publication in the first place, you might be wondering who could have made the final cut with so many great characters on the sidelines! From weeaboo bait, to some of the biggest titles of the year, we scoured the gaming landscape and compiled the definitive list of waifu’s 2015 had to offer. From ninjas, to CPUs, vault dwellers to squids, and even a dude. Crack open your ramune and curl up with your favorite body pillow as we proudly (?) bring to you the top 10 waifus of 2015!
10. Homura (Senran Kagura 2: Deep Crimson)
An evil ninja formerly of the Hebijo Clandestine Girls’ Academy, Homura and her squad have become renegade ninjas, on the run from their former allies after helping the good ninjas of Hanzo Academy foil Hebijo’s plan for world domination at the end of the first Senran Kagura. Despite being rightfully known as the game that was specifically created for 3D boobs on Nintendo’s handheld, the games have deceptively strong storylines behind all the clothes tearing and shameless zoom ins. But what makes Homura stand out beyond all of the other Senran Kagura girls is that despite her cold, distant exterior, she’ll do anything to protect her friends, even if it means putting herself at risk. Whether that means shielding her fellow renegades from the wrath of their old school, or fighting alongside her childhood friend / good ninja rival, Asuka, Homura is never one to let pride get in the way of doing what’s right. To top it off, when her 10 kitanas, (which are incredibly badass by the way,) can’t get the job done, her Crimson Mode helps her take the battle to the next level.
9. Lin (Xenoblade Chronicles X)
The girl with the Monado hair pins. Lin Lee Koo is the resident prodigy of New Los Angeles, serving as the top mechanic for the BLADES as they explore the seemingly uncharted planet of Mira. In addition to being the one who services the team’s giant mechs, or Skells in this case, she also manages to hold her own in battle, wielding a heavy shield that’s as big as she is. It also helps to be tech savvy when everyone in town is using a substitute mechanical body.
But more so than all of that, Lin finds herself on the list mostly because of all the controversy that surrounded the ability to dress her up. After Nintendo added some extra cloth to a costume that they felt was too revealing for a 13 year old in the West, a segment of Xenoblade fans had a meltdown, fighting the decision tooth and nail to protect the integrity of the original work. Others might have just wanted to see her half naked, but the point is people were obsessing over her look for a very long time. Her being awesome is just a bonus!
8. Me (Fallout 4)
After spending enough time in the wastelands of Fallout 4, I came to the conclusion that I’m a pretty awesome wife. In a time that’s easily full of confusion after waking up from a cryogenic sleep, only to find everyone who was with you has been long dead and the last thing you witnessed was your spouse getting killed as your son was kidnapped, it’s all a lot to take in. But I pushed on, hell bent to rescue my son from the monsters who ripped him from my husband’s arms, eating and drinking as much radioactive meat and water as I can along the way. But in between developing stage 3 lymphoma with every meal, maybe I can help these passerby’s along the way? Or find this missing item for this questionable traveler? Wait, who was I supposed to rescue again?
If my version of Fallout Wife wasn’t so easily sidetracked, she could have been much higher on the list, but since I play as if my kid isn’t as important as these shady strangers I keep coming across, my priorities are clearly all out of whack. Number 8 sounds like a good place since I should get around to saving my son. Eventually…
By the way, Fallout 4‘s female lead voice actor was just on Geekscape this past week, which you can listen to right here.
7. Me (Hatoful Boyfriend)
I had trouble finding a picture that captured my good side in Hatoful Boyfriend. Oh, I know, how about this?
When I’m not a decapitated robot scarecrow tied down with a burlap sack, I’m a mild mannered middle school girl attending St. PigeoNation’s Institute for birds. I also happen to be the only human attending. In Hatoful Boyfriend, I have the capacity to love everybirdie, so much so that I’m acting as a secret liaison to re-establish human-bird relationships, unbeknownst even to me! Some of my friends have weird tastes in clothes, but still not any less weird than a human dating a pigeon.
As a hunter-gatherer who has enough compassion to not only serve as the ambassador for an entire species, but to fall in love with men of other species, my Hatoful self was a no brainer for this year’s list… Especially since I spend half the game without a brain. Whether I’m going to festivals with my bird boyfriend, or curling up next to him as a head in a jar while an army of bloodthirsty soldiers look to murder us in what could be our final moments, I must say that this time around, I’m a pretty good catch!
6. Me (Amnesia: Memories)
Making the list three times!? I think I’ve set some kind of waifu record!
When it came down to all of the different iterations of “me” this year, the top waifu goes to my female self in Amnesia: Memories. Imagine being a college girl who’s memories get erased when a well-meaning demon accidentally gets trapped in your brain, and said demon is the only person you can trust as you try to piece together your life while keeping your memory loss hidden from those who might take advantage of it. Sucks, doesn’t it? But despite all this, Amnesia me has such a big heart. Despite my potential husbandos being completely awkward around me, having magical eyes that make every girl *except* me fall in love with him, being so protective of me that they lock me in a dog cage so I can’t leave the house, or even a man with a split personality, one of which wants to kill me, the fact that I’m still able to find the capacity to love these men is amazing in and of itself.
Above all else however, if I get tired of a guy and want to dump them, rather than break their heart, I can just jump to a different dimension where I never dated them at all! If nothing else, at least I’m empathetic.
5. Jonah (Rise of the Tomb Raider)
What’s the first thing you notice about Jonah?
Yes, Scott. But aside from that. Jonah is the only companion from the Tomb Raider reboot to follow Lara into her latest adventure, serving as the textbook definition of her ride or die. Anyone can say that they would follow you to the ends of the earth, but Jonah really means it. Whether he’s traveling to war torn Syria, or to the Siberian mountains to track down an ancient relic that may or may not exist, the man even takes a knife for her! Forget that he’s so deep in the friend zone that a pair of pickaxes couldn’t dig him out, because he’s always there for Lara when she needs him.
Yes, he’s a guy, and I know that I disqualified guys last year, (no matter how feminine they looked,) but I would give Jonah a shot as my waifu just on the merits of how awesome he is.
4. Plutia (Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth 3: V Generation)
In last year’s list, Neptune took the number two spot primarily on the basis that she was essentially every gamer’s dream girl. If you took those qualities and applied them to Plutia, she would be Neptune cranked up to 11. A perpetually sleepy and highly impressionable girl who will only greet the day if it means being able to play video games, knit dolls, or balk at any and all responsibility, the goddess of V Generation‘s alternate version of Planeptune doesn’t seem like much at first glance. But if you make her angry, she takes up a form that strikes fear in the hearts of friend and foe alike.
In her CPU form, Plutia’s personality takes a complete 180 as Iris Heart, a goddess that takes as much pleasure in punishing her friends as she does her enemies. Nicknamed “Sadie” for her sadomasochistic tendencies, her whip and high heels can grind any foe into submission, leading her allies to dread the occasions when Iris Heart is forced to show herself. Yet, some of you might be into that kind of thing, getting the best of both worlds from this polarizing Neptunia character. And if you are indeed that kind of person, Plutia will make her playable return in this year’s multiplayer extravaganza, MegaTagmension Blanc + Neptune Vs. Zombies. Get hyped!
3. Komaru Naegi (Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls)
Often touted as a regular girl who can’t do anything special, everything that takes place in Danganronpa: Ultra Despair Girls flies in the face of that idea. Despite being trapped on an island full of killer robots that are out to kill her, while a group of insane children turn hunting her into a game, Komaru doesn’t do too bad for herself! Armed with a special megaphone that can destroy and manipulate almost all of the machinery in Towa City, the girl who initially only known as the little sister of former protagonist Makoto Naegi, grows into a defender of hope in the face of growing despair.
Despite secretly being groomed to become the successor to the Ultimate Despair, Junko Enoshima, Komaru forsakes revenge and spares the lives of the innocent Monokuma Kids in the process, ending her adventure with both the kids and the adults out for her head. What the future holds for Komaru might still be unknown, but being able to make such a difficult choice, taking on all of the hatred of an entire town and carrying it on her back, earns her the number three spot on this illustrious list.
2. Callie and Marie (Splatoon)
Whether you’re a kid or a squid, there’s not a person who has played Splatoon who hasn’t fallen in love with Callie and Marie, collectively known as the squid sisters. Acting as news reporters who make sure to clue you in on all of what’s happening in Inkopolis each time you boot up the game, the girls are known to up the stakes every now and again with occasional Splatfests. Unlike any other waifu on this list, Callie and Marie have the power to manipulate Inklings around the world to fight in their name over such important matters as deciding if burgers are better than pizza.
However, rumor has it that in addition to keeping the world of Splatoon up to date, the two are said to secretly act under the guise of Agents 1 and 2, protecting the city from the hidden Octoling threat. As driven career women, it’s amazing that they’re able to find the time to work as undercover agents while managing to make wise cracks at each other in between discussing new stages. And if you think putting both girls on the list as part of the same entry is a cop out, it is! Because I can’t decide which one between the two is best girl. While Callie’s energetic personality would usually win out, Marie’s sarcastic wit delivered what had to have been the best line of the year, declaring that Team Science lost against Team Art because her team “had jobs to do.” Right in the feelers, Marie.
Whichever one you prefer, it’s undeniable that Callie and Marie have become the icons of what’s arguably the biggest new IP of 2015, so get used to those faces, because I expect to see them for a long time. And as always…
We’ve gone through a lot of amazing characters, but only one can stand alone as the undisputed “Best Girl” of 2015. So without further ado, the top waifu of 2015 is…
1. Nepgear (Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth 2: Sisters Generation, Hyperdimension Neptunia U: Action Unleashed, Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth 3: V Generation)
Releasing in very early 2015, we were re-intruduced to Nepgear in Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth 2: Sisters Generation, and from the moment the download started on my PS Vita, it was love at first byte. As the resident techy of the group, Nepgear rocks at tinkering as much as she rocks that school uniform, often daydreaming of all things robotic.
Being the little sister of the series protagonist means having to live up to some high expectations, especially when said protagonist and all of her friends from the previous game start off as captured and powerless. From the point of Nepgear’s escape and rise from the ashes was one of the most enjoyable journeys I played during the year. Yes, I know that seemingly the majority of the fandom craps on the second game due to it losing a big portion of the first game’s humor in favor of a doom and gloom story with heavy anti-piracy themes. From a narrative standpoint however, Nepgear and the rest of the little sisters, under her leadership, are able to rise above hate, never give up and eventually surpass the goddesses, becoming incredibly powerful in their own right.
Nepgear in her CPU form as Purple Sister
Which is more the reason Re;Birth 3 broke my heart a little when it came to Nepgear. The game regained its trademark humor, turning the fans’ dislike for the second game, turning it into a big joke, and directing it straight at Purple Sister herself. Despite the fact that her only sin was coddling Neptune way too much, that didn’t stop her beloved sister from constantly putting her down, mocking her status as former main character, and turning her friends against her to the point where she even convinces her allies from the second game that it’s perfectly okay to leave her trapped in another dimension when it came to the “good” ending of the third game. A dimension she wouldn’t have been in in the first place if she didn’t travel between worlds to rescue Neptune AGAIN!
But speaking of alternate endings, the most controversial moment in the entire series falls squarely on Nepgear’s shoulders during the Conquest Ending of Re;Birth 2. The only thing Nep Jr. loves more than her sister and friends is Gamindustri itself, and this ending proves how far she will go when it comes to protecting the world she’s come to care for so much. In a desperate attempt to vanquish their enemies once and for all, the girls learn of a forbidden weapon that absorbs the life energy of CPUs to build its strength. From here, its open season, as Nepgear travels from land to land, slaughtering all of her friends, including her best friend, Uni, and the twin girls, Rom and Ram, the former of which looks up to Nepgear like a big sister. Eventually, only Neptune herself is standing, but not for long…
What the goodness!?
After all the Re;Birth 3 shenanigans, I almost wanted this to be canon, but when she’s not slaughtering everyone she holds dear, Nepgear is a strong, reliable girl who’s managed to charm the knee socks off of us. Plus, we’re humans, so when the inevitable day comes when Nepgear finally snaps, is there anyone better to be in your corner?
So there’s your list of top waifus for 2015! Did your favorite make the cut, or were our trash waifus far too inferior to deserve the honor of best girl? Share your thoughts, picks, and all the reasons why I’m wrong with us in the comments below, and tweet me your suggestions @InuJoshua!