Tag: Madonna

Dick Tracy (1990) Movie Review

by AnalogJonesTOF

Analog Jones starts their 90’s comic book marathon! This week we dive into our Dick Tracy (1990) movie review by talking about Warren Beatty controlling everything on set, Madonna looking sizzling hot and Al Pacino going off the rails in an Oscar-nominated performance!

Quick Information
Directed by Warren Beatty
Produced by Warren Beatty
Screenplay by Jack Epps Jr
Story by Jim Cash
Based on characters created by Chester Gould
Music by Danny Elfman

Starring
Warren Beatty as Dick Tracy
Al Pacino as Big Boy Caprice
Madonna as Breathless Mahoney
Glenne Headly as Tess Trueheart
Charlie Korsmo as The Kid
Dustin Hoffman as Mumbles
William Forsythe as Flattop 

Distributed by Buena Vista Pictures
Release date: June 15, 1990
Budget: $46 million (approx)
Box Office: $162.7 million

Dick Tracy (1990) VHS Box
Dick Tracy (1990) VHS Box

Demo Tape Introduction
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twP3Uw3oBxA

Making of Dick Tracy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alm2DaKFYv8&t=94s

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Email us at analogjonestof@gmail.com with any comments or questions!

Four Rooms (1995) VHS Movie Review

by AnalogJonesTOF

Analog Jones visits a random hotel and mildly enjoys their visit in our Four Rooms (1995) VHS Movie Review.

Four Rooms (1995) VHS Movie Review

Quick Facts
Directors: Allison Anders, Alexandre Rockwell, Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino
Produced by Lawrence Bender
Writers: Allison Anders, Alexandre Rockwell, Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino
Starring: Tim Roth, Antonio Banderas, Jennifer Beals, Paul Calderon, Sammi Davis, Valeria Golino, Madonna, David Proval, Ione Skye, Lili Taylor, Marisa Tomei, Tamly Tomita

Production Company: A Band Apart
Distributed by: Miramax Films
Released date: December 25, 1995
Budget: $4 million
Box office: $4,257,354 million

Four Rooms (1995) VHS Movie Review | VHS Box
Four Rooms (1995) VHS Box

VHS Box Description
Don’t miss the fun in this hilariously sexy comedy that has Antonio Banderas (Interview With The Vampire), Madonna (A League of Their Own), and a sizzling all-star cast checking in for laughs! It’s Ted the Bellhop’s (Tim Roth – Pulp Fiction) first night on the job…and the hotel’s very unusual guests are about to place him in some outrageous predicaments!

It seems that this evening’s room service is serving up one unbelievable happening…after another! Also featuring Marisa Tomei (My Cousin Vinny), Four Rooms is a wild night of highly original comedy entertainment you’ll enjoy…without reservations!

Four Rooms (1995) VHS Movie Review
Four Rooms (1995) The Man From Hollywood

Trailers
Spike, Mike, Slackers & Dykes: A Guided Tour Across a Decade of American Independent Cinema
Trainspotting
From Dusk Till Dawn
French Twist

How to find Analog Jones
Discuss these movies and more on our Facebook page.

You can also listen to us on iTunes, Podbean, and Youtube!

Email us at analogjonestof@gmail.com with any comments or questions!

Madonna: The MDNA Tour- Los Angeles / Staples Center 10/10/2012 Concert Review

by Eric Diaz

Thirty years ago this week, Madonna’s first single Everybody hit the radio. It got some decent airplay, but nothing huge. The video cost $1,000 dollars to make, and looked it. Based on that extremely cheesy (yet extremely catchy) little ditty, who could have guessed Madonna would become one of the biggest pop music acts of all time? Who could have guessed that she’d be playing to a packed Staples Center crowd of 18,000 people, and that her current tour is on track to be one of the biggest grossing tours of all time? Certainly Madonna herself could have never predicted it, even though it is exactly what she wanted.

There has always been something about Madonna that makes people love her or outright hate her, but maybe now more than ever her haters have the loudest voice. Her refusal to retire and just go away drives her detractors crazy (I don’t see similar rallying cries calling for the retirement of the equally 50-something Bono, or the 70-something Rolling Stones, I should add. I’d have to guess it is because Madonna is a woman, but we’re beyond that kind of sexism in this culture… right?)  Maybe it’s because of the great pop icons of the 1980’s, she’s the one who was viewed as the lesser talent, and yet she’s the one who not only survived, but thrived. Michael Jackson’s career self-destructed a good fifteen years before he himself did. His sister Janet, who once rivaled her brother for popularity, seems to have up and vanished. And poor Whitney Houston, the wholesome “girl next door” alternative to Madonna’s scandalous ways, ended up being way more scandalous in real life than Madonna could ever hope to be, and drowned in a foot of water. Prince has still got it, but he tours so infrequently, it’s like he pops his head out once every six or seven years and reminds everyone how badass he is, then drops off the face of the Earth again. And Mariah? Well, you can catch her on Home Shopping Network on the odd Sunday afternoon. Madonna is still the one who stayed famous for actually doing what she became famous for in the first place, performing great pop music and putting on a hell of a show. And she’s still doing it, as evidenced by her brilliant show at the Staples Center last night.

Madonna’s MDNA Tour (not the most inventive name, I sort of hate when Madonna names her tours by just using the album name, but that’s just me) went on at 10:30 P.M, a good two and half hours late, in typical diva fashion. We did get a pretty awesome DJ set from French EDM artist Martin Solveig for a good hour prior, and as I happen to be a big fan of his, that didn’t suck. The show is split into four acts, which is how Madonna has been doing concerts now since The Drowned World Tour in 2001. (choreographer and creative director Jamie King has had a hand in all of her tours since then, and they all bear his style) The first act, Transgression, opened with a giant thurible swinging over the stage, a chorus of monks chanting, and Madonna doing an act of contrition in a floating confession booth. Behind her, a giant Gothic cathedral was constructed on the massive video screens, and about half way through the chanting, Madonna smashed it open with her fist. The booth shatters, and she starts threatening her poor dancing monks with a rather large gun. All the Catholic imagery is very reminiscent of her Like A Prayer/Blonde Ambition era, but at this point Madonna has been around long enough that she can reference herself if she wants to. The first song is the Britney Spears-esque Girl Gone Wild, followed by Revolver, one of the newer songs from her most recent Greatest Hits package Celebration . Things get swiftly darker and more Tarantino-esque as M goes into Gang Bang, one of the more fun and ridiculous tracks off MDNA. The idea behind the song is a revenge saga where Madonna kills her ex (who is totally former hubbie Guy Ritchie, who is all but named) Considering their two sons Rocco and David are on tour with Madonna, I gotta wonder if she sat down and explained about “this is the song where Mommy just pretends to kill Daddy”  The whole song takes place in a moving seedy motel room, where various masked rapists and killers come in through the window and M takes them out one by one (“now drive bitch/and while you’re at it die bitch!” she lovingly croons) The whole song and performance of it is very tongue in cheek.

This portion of the show ends with her first classic song of the night, Papa Don’t Preach. For this one, her dancers dressed in military clothing and masks and tie her up, leading into her 2005 dance anthem  Hung Up, where Madonna utilizes slacklining while her dancers slide under ropes. This portion of the show is pretty spectacular and very Cirque de Soleil. She closes the first section performing another MDNA track, “I Don’t Give A…” on guitar while Nicki Minaj is seen in the video screens sitting on a throne declaring “There’s only one queen, and that’s Madonna….bitch.”

The next portion of the show is entitled  Prophecy, and things take a less murdery vibe. In a nod to her Superbowl performance, Madonna, decked out in Cheerleader gear, does a soaring version of Express Yourself, with a marching band drumline performing while suspended in mid-air. It is pretty spectacular, one of the most spectacular things M has pulled off in any of her tours to date. One of the more controversial aspects of her show is when she mashes up Express Yourself rather seamlessly with Lady Gaga’s Born this Way. Well, controversial to Gaga’s “Little Monsters” mostly, who bristle whenever someone reminds them that with their idol, a good portion of her schtick Madonna did first, and sometimes more than twenty years ago. M continues the cheerleader vein with her lead single from MDNA, Gimme All Your Luvin’. Now, I pretty much think GMAYL is one of her weakest singles ever, but the drumline version she does here is pretty damn great, and it almost becomes another song entirely. Another MDNA track is next, and while I think Turn Up The Radio is one of the better tracks off the album, the live version doesn’t do much for me. The video interlude right before this features snippets of Madonna classics like Lucky Star, Into the Groove, Ray of Light and Music. I sort of feel bad for the casual Madonna fans in the audience right now, because you know they would rather hear any of those songs over anything from MDNA, but Madonna only teases them with brief snippets.

What comes next, though, either pleased or frustrated some fans, as M performs one of her biggest hits that she has not performed in over twenty years, Open Your Heart. But she performs it in a heavily altered form with the Kalakan trio from the Basque country of Northern France. Personally, I love it when Madonna re-invents her classic songs in a whole new way; if I want to hear exact versions that came out back in the day, I have the originals for that in my iTunes. But I know there are a lot of fans who don’t feel this way.

After this, Madonna spoke to the audience and said it was “time to have our serious chat.” And Madonna started to speak about Malala Yousafzai, the young Pakistani girl who currently clings to life in hospital bed, after being shot by Taliban extremists for daring to advocate for the rights of girls to be educated. “This made me cry, the 14-year-old schoolgirl who wrote a blog about going to school. The Taliban stopped her bus and shot her. Do you realize how sick that is? Support education! Support women!” The crowd roared in approval. “One thing I’ve realized during my travels is how lucky we Americans are. We are for sure an imperfect country with an imperfect government. But I tell you — the shit I have seen in the Ukraine and in Russia… May I remind you that two members of Pussy Riot are still in jail. In St. Petersburg, 75 men were arrested for being gay.” But before things got too serious and bummed everyone out too much, she launched into one of her first and most iconic hits, Holiday. Seriously, you just can’t go wrong with Holiday. Instead of ending this act here, she goes into her sappy ballad Masterpiece from her movie W.E. Yeah, for me this is a good time for a bathroom break.

The third portion of the show, Masculine/Feminine was by far my favorite portion. The video interlude is an updated version of her 1990 #1 hit single Justify My Love, shot in glorious and grainy black and white, just like the original. Madonna is smart enough to know that with just the right amount of filters and with black and white footage she can just about pull off looking twenty years younger, at least on film. When she returned to the stage, it was for an elaborately costumed Art Deco version of Vogue, costumed by longtime collaborator Jean Paul Gaultier. Gaultier re-imagines M’s infamous cone bra, and costumes her dancers with 1920’s style dresses, including many of the male dancers. Next up is a much improved version of  Candy Shop, the opening track from M’s so so album Hard Candy, remixed  with snippets of Erotica integrated into the song. Next, Madonna segues into her 1995 hit Human Nature, all while removing articles of clothing as shifting mirrors move around the stage. This number is brilliantly and elaborately staged, but her vocals really started to suffer in this section. After much of her clothes has come off and ended up on the floor, we see that Madonna has written “Malala” on her back, and she dedicates Like a Virgin to her, which is re-imagined a slow and sad waltz.  This third portion of the show ends with an acoustic version of  Love Spent, easily my favorite track from MDNA. The final video interlude features a remixed version of Nobody Knows Me, from Madonna’s much hated 2003 album American Life. Even though I hate that album rather passionately, I respect the fact that Madonna doesn’t give a crap and uses a song from this album, her biggest flop of her career. And honestly, she recreated it rather spectacularly, as the video is stunningly put together, and includes a tribute to teens who took their lives after being bullied and ridiculed, including Rutgers University student Tyler Clementi. I would say overall, this was the most interesting, cohesive and successful part of the show.

The final act of the show Redemption starts with my two other favorite tracks from MDNA, I’m Addicted and I’m A Sinner. During I’m A Sinner, Madonna’s dancers, many of whom are clearly double jointed, hop from moving box to moving box. While it is pretty clear that at 54, Madonna can still get her groove on more than many half her age, her days of doing things like singing Vogue while arched backwards on a moving platform are behind her. So Madonna has compensated by getting what is possibly her best and most accomplished troupe of dancers on any tour to date for this one. The show’s penultimate number is one of M’s most iconic songs Like A Prayer, performed with a gospel choir backing her. This is much as was done on the original recording. This was almost identical to her rendition of LAP from the Superbowl, only instead of a snippet of it, we get the song in its entirety. Madonna closes the show with Celebration, the title track of her most recent Greatest Hits compilation. It’s kind of an odd choice, as it isn’t one of her iconic hits; I would have figured Music would have gone here, but maybe M figured after performing Music in her last four tours and the Superbowl, she’d give that one a well- deserved rest. Celebration is more than good enough though in the end, and ends a spectacular show rather spectacularly. And as a cute added bonus, the final number has Madonna’s 12-year- old son Rocco join the party, and he is clearly following in his mother’s footsteps and has the dancing gene. Everyone has always expected Madonna’s daughter Lourdes to follow in her footsteps, but I think it is Rocco who might be the heir apparent.

So the final verdict? I’ve seen five Madonna concerts in the past eleven years. I would still say this doesn’t rate as high as her 2006 Confessions Tour, which is the best of her modern concerts in my opinion. This is certainly superior to the Sticky and Sweet Tour, which was her last tour (and the highest grossing tour by a solo artist of all time, I might add) and probably on par with The Re-Invention Tour from back in ’04, which was the closest thing that M has ever come to a Greatest Hits tour. As I mentioned earlier, M can’t quite move like she used to anymore, but man can she find the people who can, and combined with the incredible theatrics she takes the concept of pop music concert to a whole other level.

It will be interesting to see what the future brings for Madonna. She has two tours and two albums that she must deliver by 2018 to make good on her massive Live Nation contract that she signed in 2007. But as she gets older, it gets more and more difficult to find new ways to top herself and re-invent herself. And let’s face it, after thirty years and 38 top ten hits to her name, it is likely that Madonna will never have another Billboard top ten hit again, especially as she makes youth oriented dance pop, and the airwaves are not exactly looking for a dance pop diva in her 50’s. Unlike equally legendary artists like her frenemies Elton John and Cher, Madonna flat out refuses to do a straight up  Vegas style Greatest Hits tour, even if that is what parts of her ever-aging fanbase wants. In the end, though, Madonna can and will do whatever she wants, and the faithful fans who have loved her since childhood like me (and Youtube “bar mitzvah boy” sensation Shaun Sperling, who was in the front row last night) will follow her wherever she takes us.

Madonna’s MDNA: The Geekscape Review

by Eric Diaz

Divorce might be a bad thing for Madonna, the human being…but it turns out to almost always be a great thing for Madonna, the artist. When Madonna first emerged in the early 80’s, she was instantly capable of making infectious pop tunes that rightfully earned their place on the charts. Her albums, however, well…. that was another story. Aside from the hit singles everyone knows and loves, the first few Madonna albums were filled with capital F Filler material. There’s a reason her first greatest hits compilation The Immaculate Collection is the biggest selling “best of” from any solo artist; no casual fans wants those early, amateurish Madonna albums like Like A Virgin just for the hit singles.

That all changed after her 1989 divorce from her first husband actor Sean Penn, when she unleashed her first great album Like A Prayer on the world. It was the first entirely listenable from start to finish Madonna album, and showed that she was more than just another generic Top 40 hit maker.  Maybe it took an abusive marriage and a painful divorce to bring that out of her, but after that, there was no turning back.

Flash forward to Madonna’s last album, 2008’s Hard Candy. Although an overall fun, fluffy album, in hindsight the whole endeavor reeked of desperation. Instead of working with little known European electronic music producers (as she had done since her critically acclaimed album Ray of Light) she made a desperate attempt at getting airplay on American radio by teaming up with an assorted collection of the top hit makers of the moment. Justin Timberlake, Kanye West, Pharell Williams and Timbaland all contributed to that album, and while it was fine for what it was…it just didn’t sound like Madonna. Madonna always follows the beat of her own drummer, and for once, she didn’t.  Yeah, she got a fairly big hit out of it (4 Minutes) but the album was one of her lowest selling to date.

Madonna's pop legacy at this point is indisputable, but can the 53 year old icon keep up with the new crop of pop divas?

And then there is the elephant in the room;  in the four years since Hard Candy, Madonna’s slot in pop culture has been filled by Lady Gaga, who has done a better job at being Madonna than Madonna herself has these past few years. So with her latest album MDNA, Madonna has a lot to prove. Can she compete with the pop ingenues that are single handedly keeping the music business afloat? Does she even need to compete with them at this point? After all, with nearly thirty years of top ten hits behind her, she can rest on her laurels and just tour with her greatest hits forever and rake in the cash.

But it seems its as if she viewed the arrivals of the Gagas and the Rhiannas and the Katy Perries over the past few years since her last album as a throwing down of the gauntlet, and with MDNA she has truly responded in kind with one of her best albums yet. Never quite reaching the creative heights of Ray of Light and Confessions on a Dance Floor, MDNA is still up there with the best of them, and sounds more creatively fresh and new than someone who has been this long in the business really has any right to.

With MDNA, Madonna has re-united with William Orbit, the producer for her seminal 1998 album Ray of Light on six tracks, and teamed for the first time with hot French electronic artist Martin Solveig on another six tracks, and rounded it all out with Italian Ministry of Sound producer Benny Benassi.  Instead of a giant mish-mash, instead MDNA coheres into something wonderful, if not always perfect. Both old and new Madonna fans will be eating this one up upon release.

So, without any further ado, is my track by track assessment of MDNA (standard version)

1. Girl Gone Wild  (3 *** out of 5 *****)

-The second single off this album should have absolutely been the first. It is far from my favorite on this album, but it sets the tone for what follows well enough.  MDNA is mostly up tempo club beats, and GGW lets you know what you’re gonna be in for in suitable fashion. The album version of the track opens with the Catholic prayer the Act of Contrition (how very Like A Prayer of you Madge) and then descends into total Britney Spears land. In fact, GGW could have easily been a track on Britney’s last album Femme Fatale. But that’s not really a bad thing. Plus, we got a really homolicious video out of it. So I’m ok overall with GGW.

Choice Lyrics: The room is spinning/It must be the Tanqueray/I’m about to go astray/My inhibition’s gone away  (I sure hope Tanqueray  gin gets a cut of the profits)

You’ll Like This Song If You Like: Britney Spears music from the past five years, Madonna’s 2009 single Celebration.

Madge, you really need to lay off the Photoshop filters; you didn't even look like a 22 year old Victoria Secret model when you debuted, and that was thirty years ago.

2. Gang Bang (4 1/2 **** out of 5*****)

-Despite the title, this song is not about group sex (she covered that subject pretty well back during the Erotica/Sex Book era) But like the song Thief of Hearts on Erotica, where she threatened to kick ex hubby Sean Penn’s new wife Robin Wright’s ass, this song is Madonna at her bitter and angriest. (Believe me, compared to Guy Ritchie in this song, Robin Wright got off easy) Essentially, this song is a fantasy of an angry woman  shooting her lover in the head, going to Hell for it, and shooting her lover in the head all over again once they both get there. This is the first of many songs that are so clearly about her ex husband as to almost be uncomfortable. But Madonna’s bitterness results in one of the hottest, grittiest tracks on the album.

Choice Lyrics: 

And I’m going straight to hell/And I’ve got a lot of friends there/And if I see that bitch in hell/I’m gonna shoot him in the head again/Cause I wanna see him die/Over and Over and Over and Over and Over and Over and Over and Over

You’ll Like This Song If You Like: Thief of Hearts from Erotica, 90’s Old Skool techno music, the Kill Bill movies.

3. I’m Addicted (5 ***** out of 5 *****)

-Easily my favorite track on the album. Some artists are their most emotionally compelling and real when they are singing heartfelt ballads and love songs. A few songs like that aside (Live to Tell, Take A Bow) that sure ain’t Madonna’s strong suit. Madonna is most resonant when singing about the joys of losing yourself to the beat on the dance floor, and letting the groove carry you into euphoric oblivion. Whether it is Into the Groove or Vogue or Ray of Light or Music, killer dance music is what Madonna does best. And I’m Addicted is right up there with the best of ‘em.

Choice Lyrics: Now that your name /pumps like the blood in my veins /Pulse through  my body /igniting my mind /it’s like MDMA /And that’s ok 

You’ll Like This Song If You Like: Dancing. Plain and simple. Also, if you like Daft Punk’s TRON: Legacy score. (and ecstasy)

4. Turn Up The Radio (4 **** out of 5*****)

– Not sure why on Earth Madonna didn’t choose this as her first single, as it is a perfectly wonderful little radio friendly dance tune. French electro artist Martin Solveig’s hand is heavily felt throughout this track. A fun song about getting in your car, turning up your speakers really loud and driving fast as you sing along. A simple song about simple pleasures, but done well. If this were ten years or so back, this song would be a Summer radio anthem, but at Madonna’s age it will be difficult to get enough signigicant radio play in the States for that to happen. Oh well, our loss.

Choice Lyrics: Turn down the noise and turn up the volume /Don’t have a choice cause the temperatures pounding /If leaving this place is the last thing I do /Then I want to escape with a person just like you  (I never said this was a complex ditty folks. Just a fun one)

You’ll Like This If You Like: Martin Solveig’s current hit song Hello

5. Give Me All Your Luvin’ (feat. MIA and Nicki Minaj) (2 1/2 ** out of 5 *****)

-This first single landed with a giant meh, and while it isn’t offensive by any means…it sounds way too much like most modern pop hits today for my taste, as it is the same first minute or so just repeated for the duration of the rest of the four minute song. I’ll say it is less offensive as album filler than as a single. And at least we got a cute video out of it, and that whole awesome cheerleader section she did during the Superbowl. But this is one of the weaker tracks on the album, and when some of the fan made remixes are better than the final product, you know you’re in trouble. I think the only reason it became a single is she realized she was doing the Super Bowl and saw a cheerleader tie in and saw a marketing opportunity. Madonna the business woman won out over Madonna the artist.

Choice Lyrics: L-U-V-Madonna! (I know, I’m reaching here)

You’ll Like This Song If You Like: Mickey by Tony Basil?

6. Some Girls (4**** out of 5*****)

– And now we’re back to form again. Some Girls is a killer dance track, where M reminds everyone that unlike “some girls” she’s never gonna become a hot mess, have a public nervous breakdown, or any of that nonsense that seems to plague so many of these pop princesses these days. If Madonna wants to show you her vajayjay, it will be because she wants to, not because she was a sloppy drunk mess coming out of a limo. And she’s never gonna pull a Whitney and drown in hotel bathtub (too soon?) Bitch has got way too much shit to do, like making sure everyone gets down on the damn dance floor.

Choice Lyrics: Some girls got an attitude/Fake tits and a nasty mood

You’ll Like This If You Like: Ladytron, Lady Gaga’s Heavy Metal Lover. 

7. Superstar (2 1/2 ** out of 5 *****)

In my opinion, Madonna doesn’t really do cutesy and cuddly very well (I’ve never much liked her attempts at doing so with songs like Cherish) And this song is a little too cutesy for my taste. The song doesn’t really go anywhere, and is just M comparing her latest love (presumably her thirty years younger boyfriend Brahim Zabat) to the likes of Marlon Brando, John Travolta and Abe Lincoln (for reals) by the time the song is over, I’m eager for her to go back to talking smack on her ex husband and being slutty on the dance floor. I imagine a lot of fans will think this song is cute, and frankly it could be worse. But to me, this one is pretty much filler material.

Choice Lyrics: You’re Bruce Lee with the way you move/you’re Travolta getting into your groove

You Might Like This Song If You Like: Cherish, Little Star

8. I Don’t Give A…

– This is probably my second least favorite song on the album. This is also the second song on the album where Madge works with current  “it girl”  Nicki Minaj. Madonna “rapping” brings back too many bad memories of her awful song American Life. (note to Madonna- you can’t be good at everything. Rapping is one of those things…kinda like acting.) Around the halfway mark though, the Nicki Minaj totally takes over and the song becomes more fun and interesting, with Nicki standing in for M and rapping much better than she ever could, saying cheeky things like “I’m not a business woman, I’m A BUSINESS, Woman!”  Minaj’s second half of the song kind of saves it in my opinion.

Choice Lyrics: Madonna’s still the only queen…bitch. I can’t wait for Gaga’s little monsters to have aneurisms over that line.

You Like This Song If You Like: Nicki Minaj.

9. I’m A Sinner (4**** out of 5*****)

– If Madonna fused her 1999 hit William Orbit produced song Beautiful Stranger with say, some of her more blasphemous sentiments from Like A Prayer, then you’d get I’m A Sinner.  Channeling some of her “fuck you” attitude she displayed towards her critics from her song Human Nature, Madonna cheerfully sings “I’m a sinner/And I like that way/All the boys and girls/Wanna be like us tonight”  Madonna is always political even when it isn’t obvious, and I can’t help but think this is her way of giving her finger to all the Santorums and Rushes of the world, who thrive on their hate of gays and “loose” girls. At the end of the day, they’re just jealous, cause they wanna be like us, but don’t have the balls to be “sinners who like it that way.”

Choice Lyrics: Jesus Christ hanging on the cross/died for our sins/it’s such a loss

You’ll Like This If You Like: Beautiful Stranger, Madonna’s song Amazing from Music

10. Love Spent (5 ***** out of 5*****)

– My second favorite song on the album. Just the kind of pure pop magic that can happen when Madonna gets in the studio with William Orbit. The song starts with some country banjo of all things, then some disco-esque violins. This is another pointed song at ex hubby Guy Ritchie, where she pretty much accuses him of marrying her for her massive bank account. (oh, who didn’t think that?)  More than anything, I love this song for the fact that at the halfway point, it just becomes another song entirely. With most pop songs, you know what the entire three to four minutes is gonna sound like by the time you hit that one minute mark; repetitiveness is the key to selling. Hell, Give Me All Your Luvin’ is a perfect example of this, and one of the reasons I hate most modern Top 40. I love that this song does not do that. I just adore this one.

Choice Lyrics: I want you to hold me /Like you hold your money /Hold on to it /Till there’s nothing left 

You Will Like This Song If You Like: Don’t Tell Me, another Madonna hit William Orbit produced. Actually, if you loved either of the albums Ray of Light or Music, you’ll likely fall for Love Spent.

 11. Masterpiece (2 1/2 ** out of 5*****)

– the song that won Madonna her Golden Globe for Best Song and made frenemy Elton John so very irritated. It’s a pretty song, but Madonna and William Orbit have done much better together, on this album and others.  It’s vibe doesn’t match the rest of the album really, and it shouldn’t, as it was written for her movie no one saw W.E. It was a last minute decision to include it on MDNA, and actually, the whole song feels last minute. It’s not bad, its just…there. There are at least two tracks on the “Bonus Songs” that should have been included instead of Masterpiece. Ultimately, this is my least liked song on MDNA.

You’ll Like This Song If You Like: Sappy Madonna ballads like This Used to be My Playground. 

The song Masterpiece was ultimately worth it, if only for the look on Sir Elton John's face when it beat out his song at the Golden Globes.

12. Falling Free (3 1/2 *** out of 5 *****)

A much better, more interesting ballad than Masterpiece. Kind of a downer way to end the album proper, but its really quite beautiful, very melancholy without being cheesy. William Orbit’s fingerprints are all over this one, in fact it sounds like it is a missing track from Ray of Light. But again, that’s not really a bad thing. As far as break up songs go, this one’s a classic.

Choice Lyrics: When I loose a certain claim/That tries to know and needs to blame/Whatever ever runs the ground/It turns my hate and washes down

You Might Like This Song If You Like: The Power of Goodbye & To Have And Not To Hold from the album Ray of Light.

 But Wait! There’s More!

The digital “Deluxe” version of MDNA has the option of having five extra bonus tracks. Some of these are great and deserve to be on the album proper, and some I totally get why they were left off. Since these are just bonus tracks, I’ll keep these reviews more brief:

13. Beautiful Killer

-Very 80’s inspired, this could have almost been a hit Madonna song in 1985. Well, except maybe for the part where she seems turned on by a gun being put in her mouth.  That probably wouldn’t have flown on Casey Kasem’s America’s Top 40  radio show back in the day. I would have replaced Masterpiece with this.

14. I Fucked Up

-Not really a great song, but an interesting coda to a whole album where she spends so much time blaming her ex-husband for all her marriage’s problems. Here she admits, that despite it all, it was she who fucked up royally. But as an actual  song, its not that great. Has its moments.

15. B-Day Song

-Her other collaboration with MIA. Rumor has it after the whole Super Bowl “flipping the bird” incident with MIA, Madonna pushed this off the main album. (She’s vindictive like that, so I believe it) Or, it could be that’s it’s just filler at best and never had a chance. This song is pretty much just about how Madonna loves to celebrate her birthday (yeah right. Maybe when she was a teenager.)

16. Best Friend

-Another song where she cops to missing her ex, you know…the one she tried to kill and called a bitch several times at the top of the album. With lyrics like your pictures off my wall/but I’m still waiting for your call/because every man that walks through my door/will be compared to you forever more. It shows M is more than a little conflicted when it comes to her feelings about one Mr. Ritchie. 

17. The LMFAO Remix of Give Me All Your Luvin’

-I really hate to say this, but it is way better than the regular version.

And there you have it. If you’re a Madonna fan, there’s no way you won’t get this one, but if you’re a lapsed Madonna fan or even a new Madonna fan, get on iTunes and order this puppy already. MDNA officially comes out on Monday, March 26th from Interscope.