You read that right kids. The Wii gets a facelift, err well uhhh more like invasive fat removal surgery. Take a look at the little guy below!

That does look pretty slick, doesn’t it? Under the hood we have a drastically different machine. All GameCube compatibility has been torn out, WiFi removed and a new top loading disc drive (think portable walkman CD-Player) Nintendo has been able to scrape out most of the cost off the console. At $100 you get a Wii, Wii-Mote Plus and Chuck and that’s it.

The most interesting part of all this is that is a Canada exclusive. December 7th our friends to the North (East for me) get this little guy. At first I was confused, but looking into the though process behind it, everything makes sense. A lot of the Wii’s already out there have just devolved into a Netflix machine and Netflix not being as popular in Canada like it is here in the USA makes it the perfect place to do some retail level market analysis.  Who knows, this may be crazy successful and be sold in the US shortly.

Nintendo has a history of releasing compact versions of consoles at the end of their life cycles. Top loading NES, SNES-2, GBA-Micro and GameBoy Pocket are all prime examples of their logic.

So the world will wait, see what Canada does with this device. Hey, Derek, why don’t you enjoy this rare opportunity to have some delicious exclusivity.

December 7th the lovely Canadians can pick this up along side a stack of Tim Hortons treats. Lucky bastards.

I’ve played zero Pokemon in over 10 years so I think I’ll just let the Nintendo press release speak for me in this instant. I know that this new Pokemon title is a bit of a curiosity… but aren’t they all? The fans seem to all have their favorites. Are there any that have been unanimous duds (but still probably sold a jillion ka-zillion copies)?

Anyway, here’s Nintendo:

Following last month’s announcement of Pokémon Conquest, Nintendo has revealed even more details about the new features available in the game, which launches for the Nintendo DS family of systems on June 18. Players can look forward to exploring the Ransei region and interacting with Pokémon in an entirely new way as they take on the role of a young Warlord who is linked with a Pokémon. Together they must set out to recruit Warrior allies to strengthen their growing kingdom. Developed by TECMO KOEI GAMES Co., Ltd., the game can also be played on the Nintendo 3DS system in 2D mode.

New information includes the following:

Story: To save the Ransei region from Nobunaga, a powerful Warlord who is trying to take over Ransei, players must conquer different kingdoms to strengthen and grow their own kingdom. There are 17 kingdoms in total to conquer. Conquering all 17 kingdoms and ultimately uniting the kingdom will awaken the Legendary Pokémon and save the land from destruction. Story mode is organized by episodes. Players unlock episodes as they progress and each episode features a different playable Warlord and victory conditions.

Army Mechanics: Players can grow their army by recruiting defeated Warlords and their Pokémon. After a kingdom is conquered, players will also have access to the kingdom facilities such as training grounds, shops to buy items and mines for money. Players can also strengthen their army by linking with Pokémon. Warlords can have various linked Pokémon and switch between them before battle to strategically prepare for the type of battle they are about to engage in.

Battle Mechanics: Players will encounter a wide range of battlefields as they progress through the game. Each of the 17 kingdoms has a different type-themed battlefield. For example, in the fire-themed kingdom of Ignis, players can battle around lava flows, lava beds and fire spouts. Strategically using water-type Pokémon to navigate through this battlefield will help players conquer this kingdom. Additionally, players can use the kingdom training grounds to train their army or find wild Pokémon and link with them. After battling with a Warlord, the game automatically registers them. Using the built-in local wireless features of Nintendo DS, players can use their registered armies to battle with friends who also own the game.

Warlords and Pokémon: Each Warlord has a special ability that can change the tide of battle. For example, Warlord Oichi has the ability to heal all the Pokémon in a player’s army. Also, like Pokémon, Warlords have types that will determine how well they link to particular Pokémon. Some Warlords will have the ability to choose from and link with several different kinds of Pokémon.

For more information about Pokémon Conquest, visit http://www.pokemon.com.

Oh, April 1st. What a day you’re sure to be. One full of so many surprises, most of which people will skeptical over. Of course, I’m talking about the day of Wrestlemania 28.

On this day of days, what better way to celebrate one of the greatest games of its time? One that goes down as one of the single best representations of a licensed property since the creation of video games. Of course, I’m talking about WWF Betrayal.

This tiny cartridge was so jam packed with awesome, most gamers were intimidated to load it up into their Game Boy Color’s. But not this guy! No, back when it was released in 2001, I was up to the challenge that this game brought. And now, I’m here to right this wrong and make sure more gamers put boots to asses in this forgotten masterpiece.

Featuring a jam packed roster of four superstars, (now take that in for a moment… FOUR!) your favorite grappler was sure to be at your disposal. That is of course, assuming The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Undertaker or Triple H were your favorite grappler. After your chosen character is cheated out of the WWF title, Stephanie McMahon is kidnapped during your bout. Considering that security was too busy watching your match to do their job, Vince promises to give you a rematch. But only IF you rescue her. It’s really riveting stuff.

Traversing through the streets, sewers and rooftops as your pixelated fighter, the superstars are forced to hold their own in their toughest battles yet. Sure, they’ve faced off with masked demons like Kane, 7 foot tall monsters like The Big Show and even the temptation of necrophilia, but you know it’s about to go down when you’re face to face with the dreaded construction worker! Or the vicious security guard! Even what appears to be killer prostitutes!

This beat em up shows off each character’s extensive move-set, ranging from punching, kicking and a finishing move (kind of like Cena’s move-set today). It’s also very admirable that the developers went through so much trouble to realistically animate each attack, some even consisting of three frames of movement.

At the end of each of the three whole stages in this unforgettable gem, you’re confronted by a menacing boss. Each boss matches up with your guy in almost every way, especially since they’re automatically one of the three wrestlers you didn’t choose. There’s nothing more rewarding than trading the dreaded punch or the unstoppable kick against someone who’s exactly like you, especially when you have to do it three times. I mean, words can’t describe how exciting this was! And by the time you reach the end, it turns out that Vince was responsible for the kidnapping all along! Does it make sense? Hell no! But come on! It’s wrestling!

Most wrestling gamers will tell you that No Mercy is the greatest wrestling game of all time. Well, not only would they be wrong, they’d be stupid. I mean… I know WWF Betrayal didn’t actually have any wrestling in it. The short 45 minutes of play time is greatly extended by the multiple half hours it will take to finish the whole game three more times with the other wrestlers.

And please don’t whine about how the characters hardly looked like themselves. Four fighters that play exactly the same take up a TON of memory and you’re lucky you got any detail at all. The only thing that comes close to the greatness of this title is WWF Crush Hour, since there was nothing more innovative than putting wrestlers in a car combat game! Well, nothing except a ridiculous beat em up! So go ahead, try to find a copy of WWF Betrayal. It might be the greatest way to burn through an hour that you’ll ever find. And that’s the bottom line, because this geek behind his computer said so!

Game: WWF Betrayal

Platform: Game Boy Color

Where to Find: Garage sales, garbage dumps, in the posession of the “It’s still real to me, dammit!” guy (like our writer Joe Starr for example)