Eli Roth’s long-awaited cannibal flick The Green Inferno hits theatres tonight, so of course I thought it’d be appropriate to list off some people-eating-people movies that may not spring to mind as quickly as the film Roth is aping – 1979’s Cannibal Holocaust. Skip the popcorn and grab one of those plastic bibs, this might get messy.
15) Soylent Green
The obvious first choice when you’re hungry is a big helping of Soylent Green. If you’ve been living under a rock since 1973, you may not know this, but the secret ingredient is people. Shocking!
14) Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUyEaYxTI2U
Human meat is a central theme in all of the TCM films, but especially so in the second installment. The current ruling member of the hungry Sawyer clan, Drayton, mixes people parts with other animal parts to make his award-winning chili. Totally ridiculous and over-the-top, this one is more about what they could get away with than how scared they could make you.
13) Motel Hell
“It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters!”
If you’re wondering, most of those critters are people planted up to their necks in a “secret garden” and fattened up foie gras style. If the last film didn’t make you swear off Slim Jims, this one might.
12) Cannibal! The Musical
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86rxyJMXv5o
Before hooking up with Matt Stone and creating South Park, Trey Parker wrote and starred in a musical about eating people. Thrill to the song and dance produced by consumption of human flesh, and laugh at the horror of it all. There’s gold (and half-eaten skeletons) in them thar hills!
11) We Are What We Are
It’s sort of a spoiler to put this one on the list, but yep, family of cannibals. I mean, it’s heavily implied from the very first scene, so I don’t feel bad dropping that bomb here. This is the American version, adapted from the Mexican original, which borrows heavily from the Donner Party (much like Cannibal! The Musical) and the legend of Sawney Bean.
10) Ravenous
Another tale of murder and the other white meat during the U.S.’s early days. Wendigo lore, some black humor and a drunk David Arquette make for a wholesome viewing experience. I bet that stew they made was delicious.
9) The Road
If the movies mentioned so far haven’t been sufficiently bleak for your palette, take a bite of The Road. Viggo Mortensen and his son spend 2 grueling hours evading cannibalistic gangs in a post-apocalyptic America; Guy Pearce shows up later on after apparently surviving Ravenous. Who knew? This is not what I’d consider “lighter fare,” so come to this one ready to dig in.
8) The Hills Have Eyes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edn5EzHXVBU
Didn’t get enough roaming cannibals in need of a bath yet? Then Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes should fill you up. Less bleak than Last House on the Left, it still leaves you with a similar feeling after watching. You may want to grab the Tums right about now.
7) Wrong Turn
Most of these cannibals seem to be degenerates with no understanding of basic hygiene – how are they not dying of food-borne illness? These are the thoughts I use to numb myself from the depravity inflicted upon poor Eliza Dushku in Wrong Turn. More gross hillbillies than you can shake a human femur at!
6) Wolf Creek 2
While the first installment of the Wolf Creek series dramatized actual crimes committed in the Australian Outback, this sequel serves up a juicy slice of fantasy by fleshing out Mick Taylor’s sadistic appetites. Imagine Freddy Krueger with a thick accent (but the same hat) and a lair full of booby traps, that’s all you need to know about WC2.
5) Parents
I love the use of 1950s suburbia for social commentary, so of course Bob Balaban’s Parents is perfectly seasoned for my tastes. The film is both plucky as Leave it to Beaver and as dark as blood pudding. I’m sure you’re salivating over the Blu-Ray on Amazon already.
4) The Burbs
Another suburban satire, this time helmed by the mighty Joe Dante and starring Tom Hanks, this one is low on gore and high on social commentary. If you’ve never sat down to this smorgasboard of a movie, you’re in for a treat.
3) Delicatessen
Take equal parts Amélie and Sweeney Todd, and you get 1991’s Delicatessen. The film is also directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet (of later Amélie fame) and is set in a similarly abstract place and time, except everyone here is very hungry and people go missing quite frequently…
2) Silence of the Lambs
This one’s a gimme, as I’d never live it down making a list like this without Silence of the Lambs near the top. You’ve likely all seen it so there’s no point skinning the plot for you. Toss on Bach’s Goldberg Variations, let that chianti breathe and chew someone’s face off with Dr. Lecter.
1) Fried Green Tomatoes
The only cannibal movie I can say I’ve watched more than Silence of the Lambs has got to be Fried Green Tomatoes. You know the only thing better than the Whistle Stop Café’s fried green tomatoes is its open-pit barbeque – just ask that nice investigator from Georgia, he’ll tell you.
So, barring Cannibal Holocaust and the rest of the Italian exploitation flicks it spawned, how does this list hold up? Did I miss anything? Will you be checking out The Green Inferno? What does human flesh really taste like? Asking the important questions here.