Author: GeekscapeStaff

On the surface, the below video is a tongue-in-cheek parody featuring a cast of Cleveland-area “celebrities” singing to our hero, Lebron James. While other politicians and celebrities make their various pitches to lure him away from Cleveland, the city that James was meant to save with our first pro sports championship since 1964 and the downtown economy that he single-handedly helped to prop for up the better part of the past decade, this is his Cleveland fanbase in a nutshell, with perhaps our last-ditch best effort. Yes, the rest of the country has been laughing at us about our Lebron situation for quite a while now, so this should (and has) really fueled the fire. This video is to our city what the John Cusack stereo scene is in Say Anything, a representation of Clevelanders standing grouped outside Lebron’s bedroom window and blasting Peter Gabriel from a boom box.  You can laugh at this desperation, but for any geeks out there that have ever been a huge fan of anything…I hope you can understand it.

We Are LeBron Video – Watch more Funny Videos

Last week Lebron James and the Cavaliers’ season ended much earlier than many expected in game 6 of the NBA playoff’s Eastern Conference semi-finals. We watched uncomfortably as the kid who grew up in Akron, Ohio shook hands and exchanged man-hugs with our rival Boston Celtics and ripped off his Cleveland jersey at what seemed like a calculated moment when he knew all of the cameras were on him. This hurt much more than hearing the media talk about how it could be Lebron’s last game as a Cavalier. We’d endured an entire season of ESPN talking about James’ pending free agency, but it definitely hit its peak as the Cavs faced an early elimination last Thursday night. Hearing ESPN talk about our city and our star caused a feeling I can only compare to being in a loud bar and watching a sleazy dude in a nice blazer hit on the girl you dig. Our insecurity has only increased now that King James’ free agency is upon us. They even referred to the elimination as “freedom” at one not-so-subtle point. Yes, everyone wants Lebron for themselves and nobody respects Cleveland. At this point, we are Angus Bethune in our purple tux, but I doubt Lebron is going to confess his bulimia to us.

I’ll admit, singing to Lebron is pretty ridiculous. Even as a huge fan, I’ve tried to keep my pride while we followed him around like the insecure boyfriend asking “what’s wrong? Are you mad at me? Why aren’t you talking to me?” every time he gave the slightest hint of unhappiness. It always seemed like it’d serve us better to be a little more confident in our relationship with Lebron. In a larger market, he’d have to worry about TMZ ; in Northeast Ohio, the closest paparazzo is an overweight dude yelling that he “fuckin’ rocks” in front of his children at one of our many Chinese Buffets. There’s also the “big fish, small pond” effect. He is our biggest and most adored celebrity (sorry, Bone Thugs!). Could he really sign with the Clippers and expect to compete with Heigi Montag for the spotlight? I figured we should not only have some pride, but look at Cleveland as the slightly unattractive boyfriend, who may be comically unemployed, but fun to be around. We might not wear designer jeans like those other dudes, but it’s just because sweat pants just allow so much more room in the crotch. Plus, we pool our small incomes together to buy stuff like:

We do all of this for Lebron AND write songs for him… Why would he ever leave? Cleveland is the kinda-charming musician boyfriend some ladies DREAM of having! Looking at that analogy realistically though, how often to do those girls sign 3-year extensions with said boyfriend?  Because I’m a bigger fan than I am confident Clevelander and maybe it IS time to worry. Lebron, please don’t leave.

Yes, other cities will always laugh at us. I’ve tried my best to put a spin on it in my own head. Chicago Bulls big man Joakim Noah pissed a lot of Clevelanders off when he said the city “sucks” and asked  “what’s so cool about Cleveland?” The bright side is… he publicly declared that someone, at some time, suggested that Cleveland was cool (was it Huey Lewis?). Even when Tina Fey dedicated a storyline on 30 Rock to Cleveland jokes, I knew it was because she was so charmed when visiting her in-laws who live in my hometown (BTW Tina, I will be waiting for you all summer, outside the Garrettsville Dairy Queen with spec scripts in hand…unlike Lebron, you are not safe here). At this point, I can spin no more. I can only join the begging. Lebron, please don’t leave.

The following days after game 6 have been a Lebron media circus that probably had Lamar Odom calling his agent to make sure the rest of the playoffs were still going to happen (just kidding, I doubt he cares). New York Mayor Bloomberg made his pitch to Lebron. Spike Lee admitted to rooting for the Celtics in efforts to deter Lebron from returning to Cleveland. And I’m even sure that Spike Jonze pitched a really clever short film where Lebron finds true love while playing a pick up game against some aliens on the Statue of Liberty. The Chicago Bulls even appeared more relevant in their pursuit of Lebron, resulting in suggestions that President Obama encourages the move and having Jeremy Piven tweeting shirtless at Lebron to show his support. Seriously, don’t you guys have more important things to do, like run a country and beat a dead horse on the set of Entourage, respectively? “Lebromageddon”, as Cavswitness on Twitter has accurately dubbed it, is upon us harder and earlier than expected. These rumors just scratch the surface: there are detailed connections to mysterious figures, Cavaliers locker room sex scandals –and yes, even some fan fiction! Lebromageddon has and will continue to have more twists and turns than any season of LOST.

So here I am, realizing at this point that the best thing I can do is join the begging and admit to being as huge a fan as any of these other Clevelanders, completely helpless in this situation. Lebron has been incredible to and for Northeast Ohio and unconditionally loved in his hometown of Akron. In the end, if these things win out over his many other bigger breasted suitors and more luxurious options, we will have won something by just being great fans and a good city (okay, so the huge contract the Cavs can still offer might have something to do with it too). We will be that lovable-loser musician boyfriend, promising to sing songs for his girl for years to come. Just don’t expect us to get a real job.

I know what you’re thinking, two reviews of Glee in two months. What is becoming of Geekscape? Frankly, I love this show; I’m down right geeky about this show. So I, for one, think it belongs on our site. Secondly, last night’s episode was directed by Geekscapist favorite and Avengers helmer, Joss Whedon. Never one to come empty handed to a party, Joss also brought along his Dr. Horrible star Neil Patrick Harris. Did the show measure up to it’s massive expectations? You bet your show choir lovin’ ass it did.

Glee rarely gets a stand alone episode. It’s formatted like a soap opera in that way and it can sometimes make the show a little to dense to jump into and out of. Luckily, last nights episode didn’t get bogged down in too many of the overarching story lines. Joss got to direct possibly the most straightforward Glee episode that has been scripted so far.

“This is going to be legen… wait for it… darily underwhelming.”

The episode starts with school board member and former Shue classmate Bryan Ryan (Neil Patrick Harris) coming into town to shut down the glee club. What thin excuse does he have for doing such a heinous deed? Apparently Mr. Ryan was given hopes and dreams by participating in glee in highschool, and when those dreams never came true, Bryan Ryan became a bitter black hole of evil. EEEEEEEVVVVVVIIILLLLL!!!! *cough*

Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, NPH. Bryan Ryan is an unfunny combination of Barney Stinson and Dr. Horrible. I loves me some Neil Patrick just as much as the next man, (gay pun not intended) but in this episode the only thing I was thankful for were his singing chops. I could guess it might be difficult to create an endearing character in a short guest appearance, but Mr. Harris is clearly in cruise control on this one. Even Bryan Ryan’s interactions with Jane Lynch’s cantankerous Sue Sylvester came up short. His redeeming performance? A duet of Aerosmith’s Dream On with Matthew Morrison as an audition for the role of Jean Valjean in a local production of Les Miserables.

Whedon’s strongest talent as a tv director so far is not forcing something in his episodes that would feel unnatural to the series. His episodes don’t stand out, and as many industry folk will tell you (if you talk to industry folk), not leaving a mark almost takes more skill than leaving one. He did it well on the Office, and he certainly does a good job of it here.

Why do they always make the handicap kid sit in the photos?

The aspects of the episode that weren’t just one offs, like NPH, were handled so well in fact, I sincerely hope Whedon returns to Glee. Whedon is the first director to choose angles and edits and lenses that don’t make Glee look and feel like just a High School Musical clone. The two other major story arcs handled in this episode are wheelchair bound Artie learning not to get his hopes up and Rachel beginning her path to discovering the identity of her mother.

Artie is easily a geek favorite in the mix of glee kids. Since they elected not to have any overweight nerds in the cast (show me one high school show choir that doesn’t have four fat guys that love a capella, I dare you), he’s the closest character to one of us we have to root for. In this ep he dares to imagine what it would be like if he ever left his chair, culminating in the most well choreographed and shot dance number we’ve had on Glee to date. Made all the more awesome as it was set to the Safety Dance, I shit you not. Ultimately the character is forced to face his limitations, but Kevin McHale’s acting shines as Artie realizes he’s not as okay with his disability as he once led everyone to believe.

The Broadway nerds just had a Wicked Spring Awakening in their Pants

The last portion of the episode was dedicated to Rachel Berry realizing she had a desire to find her mother. Anyone who’s been watching this second volume of Glee episodes can guess who it is, but for those playing catch up, New Directions biggest competition, Vocal Adrenaline, is coached by Idina Menzel. You put Idina Menzel next to Rachel Berry’s Lea Michele and they are eerily close to one another in looks. It didn’t take a genius to figure out where the producers were going with this when they cast Menzel. The way the show finally comes clean gets pretty emotional; the two perform a flawless duet of I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables (many may remember it as that Susan Boyle song). 

The two other tunes this go ’round were NPH and Matther Morrison on Billy Joel’s Piano Man, and Kevin McHale busting out Dream a Little Dream. *GASP* An episode of Glee got by with only one song from Lea Michelle and no Finn? I hope that a sign of things to come. It was really nice to see Artie get two whole songs to himself.

Quinn is barely in this episode. Doesn’t mean we can’t still appreciate her. *SIGH*

Save this cheerleader, save the world.

Overall, the episode was near flawless and by far one of the most entertaining hours of Glee produced so far. Joss Whedon’s approach to the show gave Glee a fresh vibrance I hope carries over to other episodes still to come. Overlooking Neil Patrick Harris’ phoning it in, I definitely recommend checking it out on Itunes or Hulu.

And if the Safety Dance video starts making the rounds, definitely give it a look see… Uh oh. What’s that? We’ve got it for you right here! How long ’til we’ve all learned the new Safety Dance!

The Avengers movie is now just two short years away and getting closer by the day. Joss Whedon has been brought on to spearhead the production and we’re starting to figure out who a lot of the major players are going to be. But that’s the great thing about the Avengers, it’s not just about the big three of Captain America, Iron Man and Thor. Unlike DC’s JLA, the Avengers are a team that isn’t filled with only all-stars. The Avengers’ ranks have historically been filled out by a mix of heavy hitters and (frankly) second class superheroes. We here at Geekscape decided to take some of the pressure off of Joss and take first crack at casting some of these second stringers. So Joss, kick back! For your reading pleasure we present to you the Geekscape casting round table for the Avengers Movie!

HEROES:

Giant Man/Ant-Man/Hank Pym

Brian Gilmore: A self-hating, eventual-wife-smackin’ genius. We’d need a guy who can essentially play a superhero we don’t fully respect, a genius, and someone we could see slapping his wife (which I’m sure Whedon will play up for all it’s worth). Unlike the classics, though, I don’t think Whedon’s Janet will just sit there and become the victim — it’ll look more like The Ultimates. So, we need to believe this guy’s a little bit of a monster, yet still brilliant. I’m going with Guy Pearce. He’s great at having a dark part of himself he didn’t even know he had, as we saw in Memento, AND we can believe that he’s brilliant since he has an accent.

Guy Pearce

Jonathan London: Greg Kinnear – Whoah. What the hell just happened? Did I just throw you a fastball? Good. Think about it. Cap, Thor and Iron Man have all been cast. Thor is a god. Cap is a man who has been buffed up to superhuman levels by a super soldier serum. And Tony Stark, as buff as he is, uses a suit to deal the damage. Hank Pym? He’s the nerdiest of the four. He uses size and his brain as a weapon and his best friends are bugs. Pym IS the scientist supreme after all and a founding member of the Avengers. You’re going to believe just ANY buff guy is going to ignore his wife to work day and night to be the best in his field AND have time to hit the gym? That’s just not Hank Pym. I’ll take Greg Kinnear, who played an inventor in a failing marriage in Flash of Genius, a flailing husband and father in Little Miss Sunshine and a total bureaucratic creep in Green Zone as Hank Pym, inventor, bad husband and creep extraordinaire. Can you see him inhabiting a lab coat, shrinking to avoid blame and growing supersized to toss Cap around now? Yup. Thought so. See? I’m not that crazy. And if Val  Kilmer were 10 years younger, I’d have put him right here as well.

Greg Kinnear

William Bibbiani: Hank Pym, a son of a bitch with lesser scientific talent than Tony Stark who will eventually take out his aggressions on his wife, needs to be played by an intelligent, good-looking man with a dark streak. Enter Half-Nelson’s Ryan Gosling.

Ryan Gosling

Brian Walton: Giant Douche, Ant Asshole needs to be played by an actor that can be believable as a brilliant scientist, but also take out his aggression on his poor wife. Cary Elwes Can clean up and have a super hero image, but also has the chops to pull off the two faced Hank Pym. I’d buy him as the chummy scientist to everyone’s face but when he goes home he uses his wife as a punching bag. I got to give credit to Gilmore on this though, even though it wasn’t who he settled on, when he mentioned Elwes, an imaginary smack sound rang out in my head. Elwes will be a brilliant hero until the veil is lifted and we get to see him play an abusive douche bag. I don’t mind sloppy seconds, so if Gilmore’s going to pass on him, I’m going to say cast him.

Cary Elwes

Hawkeye

WB – Hawkeye will for many people be an entryway into the group, as one of the few new characters introduced specifically for The Avengers movie. A hothead with a love of danger, Hawkeye will also be one of the members of the team (along with Black Widow and Ms. Marvel) hand-selected by Nicky Fury from his top SHIELD agents to keep the freelancers in line. Since his greatest ability is sharpshooting, an innate talent as opposed to something gained from years of experience, a younger actor well suits Hawkeye. The superstar-in-the-making Ben Foster (The Messenger, 3:10 to Yuma) is my top choice.

Ben Foster

BG – Hawkeye’s one of those iconic Avengers characters that always had a wavering fanbase. We don’t need to please too many people by keeping him blond, but we should definitely do our best to keep him believable.Maybe it was the movie Wanted or something, but I honestly believe that James McAvoy could pull off a perfectly convincing Hawkeye. As kind of a casanova, just a little bit of a dick, but someone that we completely trust. James McAvoy could pull Clint Barton, as a character, off perfectly.

James McAvoy

BW – I’m a traditionalist, I love standard Marvel U Hawkeye over Ultimates Hawkeye anyday, they replaced an iconic costume with a pair of Oakleys. Hawkeye has always felt like a character who has seen a thing or two but manages to maintain a certain level of humor, that’s why I’d go with Timothy Olyphant. He can play grim and balance it with an edgy sarcasm. His turns as the sheriff in Deadwood and a Deputy US Marshall in Justified show he has the intensity to play the purple cowled Avenger.

Timothy Olyphant

JL – We saw him as a cold blooded assassin in the Sin City movie and as a soldier trying to keep things together in Black Hawk Down. Do you think that Josh Hartnett, who is playing a can’t miss dead shot in the upcoming Gunslinger, would back down from Chris Evans’ Captain America? Hell no. And would he sleep with every female Avenger on the roster? Hell yes. I’m a Hartnett fan and a turn as the Avenging Archer would definitely help put him back on the blockbuster map.

Josh Hartnett

The Wasp

WB – I’ve always been a fan of the mixed-race rich debutante Wasp from “The Ultimates,” and I’m going that route here. The fantastically talented Dichen Lachman from Joss Whedon’s “Dollhouse” deserves a big break and I’m going to give it to her here.

Dichen Lachman

BG – Whedon’s Wasp isn’t going to take Pym’s shit sitting down. She’s going to fight back, Ultimates-style, and will refuse to become the victim. It will actually be kind of a feminist cheer moment in the film, I’m sure, and will be remembered for quite a long time. That scene needs to empower one of the only core female characters of The Avengers, which means that this girl needs to be not only tiny, look good in short hair, but still have the chops to be a little quippy. The Wasp also needs to spend all day working with Hank Pym and be believably intelligent (the hardest part about casting in Hollywood, sadly). This is why I’m going with Natalie Portman. Her body-type is perfect, she looks amazing/natural in short hair, brunette, strong woman in a lot of roles she plays, and can pull off quippy quick. Also, the concept of pissing off Natalie Portman is pretty scary in of itself, so when a character in this movie does it, we’ll look forward to the results.

Natalie Portman

BW – A lot of who I want to see play the Wasp has a to do with how I think Hank Pym should act. Trying to always compensate I think he’d go for a younger woman who also happens be a brilliant scientist in her own right. It would be part of his domineering nature. Missy Peregrym (WB’s Reaper) would be a great choice for the super hero we all know is going to be put through the emotional ringer, and then maybe find some solace in the arms of Captain America.

Missy Peregrym

JL – Man… I hate agism in Hollywood. Show me an actress under 30 (nope… make it 25) who can make you believe that she works in a lab all day mastering Pym particles and break your heart when her husband starts smacking her around. Carla Gugino (only 39 mind you and spot on if you cast my Hank Pym) is totally sexy enough to interest Chris Evans’ Steve Rogers (who is a man that doesn’t look his age either) and believable as smart, sexy and in a long term marriage. Just ask  Robert Rodriguez if she doesn’t have the action chops from having worked in Sin City and the Spy Kids movies. Yeah, she’s the original Silk Specter… but as great as she was there, she’d be even better as  Janet Pym!

Carla Gugino

Vision

JL – The poor Vision… Everybody feels sorry for him because he can never truly be like the others. Just like poor Joseph Fiennes from Shakespeare in Love… who can never really be with Gwyneth Paltrow. I think that Fiennes (who’s brother TOTALLY should have been Dr. Doom) has what it takes to play the Avengers go to  “phase through that stuff and mess it up” guy. He can interface with computers, play cold and get emotionally stranded… plus, he JUST LOOKS like the Vision and is super talented! Watch the scenes of him processing his emotions as an outcast in Enemy at the Gates (otherwise a not so great movie) and tell me you can’t read every one of his thoughts on his face. Fiennes is perfect for this role of the sad, loneliest Avenger.

Joseph Fiennes

WB – Created by Hank Pym, perhaps from parts stolen from Kang the Conqueror, The Vision is an android seeking his humanity whose personality is based on Wonder Man’s, meaning his voice should be performed by the same actor – my choice, once again, Nathan Fillion. But to capture the otherworldly nature of his movements the only choice imaginable to play the physical role is, obviously, Doug Jones.

Nathan Fillion

BW – The only man for the role of Vision is Alan Tudyk. Not only can Tudyk shift personalities on a dime (android adjusting/Wonder Man personality assimilation) but he’s also got experience on his side since he played Sonny in I Robot. Tudyk can bring the calm of Vision to the screen perfectly, but also convey a robot struggling with no found emotions.

Alan Tudyk

BG – The best choice for this character by a longshot, in my opinion, would be David Strathairn of Good Night and Good Luck fame. He has the facial structure to make the iconic Vision character work on screen visually, and the acting range to play down, VERY down, while everyone around him is dancing around. His age would help separate him from the cast a little more, even, further creating that Android vibe that we would need out of the character. He’s also pretty tall and lanky, so his body would work in a Vision suit.

David Straithairn

Quicksilver

JL – Man… what a jerk that Pietro Maximoff is. He’s creepy too, always skeeving on his sister Wanda. The guy is downright cocky and unlikable. Sort of reminds me of Vincent Cassell‘s character Kirill in David Cronenberg’s Eastern Promises. Accent? Check. Cocky? Check. Creepy as hell and acting like an entitled little perv? Yup. Vincent Cassell, who also played Francois Toulour in the ensemble  Ocean’s 12 and 13, would run circles around this role.

Vincent Cassell

WB – Quicksilver is a dick, but then you’d be a dick too if the entire world moved as slow as the line at the DMV. The usefulness of his abilities will be offset by his off-putting demeanor, making him a valuable spoiler in the team dynamic, much like Cordelia in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” or, for that matter, Jayne from “Firefly.” With a lanky build and a lot of experience playing an surprisingly sympathetic jerk, I’d cast Jason Dohring (“Veronica Mars”).

Jason Dohring

BW – The hot headed douche with some serious co-dependency issues, Quicksilver gets to be the unlikable pain in the ass that no one likes or understands. A loner, except for his connection to his sister, I’d go with Jeffrey Donovan from Clint Eastwood’s Changeling and USA network’s Burn Notice. He can play a giant dick, but in scenes where it’s just Pietro and Wanda he’ll be able to convey how much he cares about the only family he’s got. And we will completely ignore the Ultimates incest in my dream Avengers movie, thank you.

Jeffrey Donovan

Scarlet Witch

WB – Quicksilver’s sister is hot. Like, really hot. It makes things really awkward for him, and he can’t take his eyes off of her for a second, despite the fact that she’s a powerful sorceress. Yes, that’s right, we’re going with the sorcery angle here – that “probability hex” thing is just a little too confusing, and maybe a lot to confusing, to play to Joe Average. With a slightly exotic look and a lot of talent I’m casting Lizzy Caplan (“True Blood”) in the role.

Lizzy Caplan

JL – Call me a stickler, but I think that if you’re casting a character who was raised by Eastern European gypsies… it’s important that you don’t haul off and cast another midwestern actress and throw her a voice coach (or worse… ditch the voice coach all together). This would be especially tragic since there are a ton of talented and qualified foreign actresses who have already worked on heavyweight films like The Avengers! Lucky for us, Ukranian actress Olga Kurylenko, who was James Bond’s ass-kicking love interest in Quantum of Solace, can handle both big budget action movies and the stars that come along with them. She’d be spot on perfect for Wanda Maximoff.

Olga Kurylenko

BW – While the Scarlet Witch is arguably one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel U, she has always been portrayed as slightly naïve and innocent, even when she was a villain, she was a pawn. Franke Potente has that charming innocence, but also has a bit of fire to her as well, like you wouldn’t want to cross her.

Franka Potente

BG – The Scarlet Witch has to be so hot that you’d bang her even if she was your sister, if we want to like/understand Quicksilver in the movie at ALL. Also, she’s wise, arguably one of the most (if not THE most, because of House of M) powerful characters in the Marvel U, but also has a melancholy to her that Whedon will undoubtedly play up. The person who can pull that off without being annoyingly distant, distractingly “foreign” (a lot of the time foreign characters are given one dimension: that they’re foreign *cough*Nightcrawler*cough*), and still make us feel for her is Morena Baccarin, a.k.a. Inara from Firefly, a.k.a. the lead on that show people only watch because it’s on after Lost.

Morena Baccarin

Black Panther

JL – This one is easy. I remember when Wesley Snipes was rumored to play the king of Wakanda for a few years. We’ll keep him as Blade and stick in Chiwetel Ejiofor, whose roles in Inside Man and Amistad give him an honorable nobility (and whose role in Serenity as The Operative proved that he can kick ass) fit for the king of a nation that has never been conquered.

WB – We need a black man with a regal demeanor, brimming with intelligence, dignity and a hint of danger. There is no other actor but Chiwetel Ejiofor (Redbelt). Moving on.

Chiwetel Ejiofor

BW – Like everyone else, Chiwetel Ejiofor is my first choice, but for the sake of not putting all our eggs in one basket I also want to throw out Tony Kgoroge. He had an eye opening turn as Nelson Mandela’s head of security in Invictus.

Tony Kgoroge

BG – Djimon Hounsou. In a heartbeat. T’Challa needs to look and sound of African descent, for the filmverse, he can’t just be some regular American black guy. He’s going to be running a whole African nation, as well, so we need to believe that the guy will have all the power, yet needs to be a strong enough actor to play the role come to life, not just carbon copied from the comics. I think Djimon Hounsou brings the acting range, the body and the feel that the leader of Wakanda needs in the Avengers film.

Djimon Hounsou

Wonder Man

JL – Jon Hamm‘s got the movie star good looks, the charming smile and the great hair. Who else could give The Vision a total inferiority complex when he walks into the room and makes The Scarlet Witch’s heart go flutter? His stint on Saturday Night Live proves that he’s got a solid sense of humor as well as a “second only to Bruce Campbell” square chin.

Jon Hamm

WB – Since The Avengers will be a public team, public opinion will be an important factor. And since Tony Stark will apparently not be headlining The Avengers as previously suspected, it would be nice to see Wonder Man fall into that leading man role. A superstar actor who happens to have superpowers, The Avengers would give him a nice character arc in which he has to live up to his own fictional reputation. I can think of no better cocky superstar actor than Nathan Fillion (at least, now that Bruce Campbell is a bit too old for the gig).

Nathan Fillion

BG – Wonder Man’s been in the game for a while and would need to be cocksure at all times. Whedon’s Avengers could go wisecracking Wonder Man that belittles everyone around him, OR they could just go with more of a quiet, dick-ish reserved type for the filmverse. To fill that role, I think someone with a sense of entitlement that we still wouldn’t hate would have to step up to the plate. That’s why my pick is none other than the charming man known as Enver Gjokaj, a.k.a. Victor from Dollhouse. He could pull off ANY semblance of “entitled” and still make us love him.

Enver Gjokaj

BW – In my vision for the Avengers movie, Wonder Man buys the farm quick, so the actor who plays him gets to have just a fun quick cameo. Freddie Prinze Jr as a cocky super powered actor who gets in the line of fire when he bites off more than can chew would be funny, and just a little bit of wish fulfillment. And due to his being married to Buffy herself, a bit of nepotism on Joss Whedon’s part might actually get him the job.

Mr. Sarah Michelle Gellar

Rick Jones

BG – Rick Jones is that kid who gets rescued, annoys The Hulk/Bruce Banner, and then eventually gets his own powers for a little while. He’s sort of the everyman character in the franchise and could very well, next to Hawkeye, take the place of the inevitable “Joss” character in the film, as he’s fun, quippy, young and nothing ever works out for him. Joseph Gordon Levitt could take what could easily be a really annoying character and make him likable.

Josephn Gordon Levitt

JL – Jay Baruchel – Let’s face it: Rick Jones is a geek. The master of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, Jones followed The Hulk’s big ass tattered coat tails into being a part of the Avengers organization. He was always outmatched, outsmarted and outclassed. But when it mattered, and the four colored crap was hitting the four colored fan in the Kree Skrull War, Rick Jones came through in a HUGE way. Baruchel does an awesome job of playing the out of element savior (as seen in the upcoming The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) and you could see getting pushed around and forgotten by the rest of the big guns until it’s time to save the day. Comic relief? We’ve got that covered in spades.

Jay Baruchel

Luke Cage

BG – Hopefully, the Luke Cage starring Tyrese “Mayhem” Gibson will fall through the cracks and then be re-written and re-cast to include a real badass African American actor: Idris Elba, a.k.a. the dick from The Losers. This guy can be terrifying, believably huge/strong (unlike Tyrese, who’s all lean-mass), yet (given the right script) could easily be lovable. He has a great smile and a good laugh that would translate well into being a hero, yet still have that aura about him that would make you nervous after you told a joke and right before he started laughing. Idris Elba would be an amazing Luke Cage.

Idris Elba

(Editors note: Gilmore calls him African American, but Idris Elba is actually British. I could have corrected it, but it wouldn’t be Geekscape w/o publicly humiliating Gilmore. Also, while this a fantasy casting and I love the idea, Elba is already appearing in Thor as Heimdall, the guardian of Asgard, so the chances of seeing him as Luke Cage are slim. I’ll go with Jonathan’s awesome choice of The Expendables’ Terry Crews instead… but that’s a stand alone movie if we’ve ever dreamed of one!)

Ms. Marvel

WB – Another SHIELD agent given superpowers, Ms. Marvel’s iconic costume and publicity-friendly name contrast strongly with a diehard soldier’s personality. This former black ops agent is going to have a particularly hard time kissing babies and will probably find her heart with the help of one of the Avenger’s many single leading men. The Avengers needs members with combat experience, so I’m skewing a little older and going with Radha Mitchell (Pitch Black) for the win.

Radha Mitchell

JL – Alice Eve – The British actress has all of the obvious physical attributes to play Ms. Marvel… but what about the acting chops?  Well, the folks at Marvel obviously like her, seeing as she narrowly missed out on the role of Steve Rogers’ 40s love interest of Peggy Carter to Hayley Atwell. The only thing fans here in the states have seen her in is She’s Out of My League… but we’re guessing that she’ll have plenty of chances to show her stuff in the upcoming Sex and the City 2.

Alice Eve

BG – Mandy Moore – She has a great body, it’s long enough for any iteration of Ms. Marvel they want to do. She could also play a younger, glasses’d (rawr!) and believably intelligent Carol Danvers. If Scarlet Johannsen is going to be our Black Widow, still, then the age range is set and Mandy Moore is a great under-rated actress that would age perfectly with the franchise.

Mandy Moore

Jennifer Walters/She-Hulk

WB – With Henry Gyrich taken by the X-Men franchise – and already killed off, to boot – The Avengers are going to need a regular government liaison. Enter Jennifer Walters, the awkward legal expert who over the course of the series acquires superhuman abilities like The Hulk’s, albeit without the diminished brain capacity. There isn’t a single awkward woman I’d like to see come out of her shell faster than “Dexter’s” Jennifer Carpenter.

Jennifer Carpenter

BW – If the story of the Avengers movie really is going to be chasing down the Hulk for the first half, including Jennifer Walters is a natural fit. A Shield lawyer is Bruce Banner’s cousin, of course they’d drag her into it. And when she gets hurt during the skirmish a blood transfusion from her cousin will save her. I’d enlist Jessica Biel to be my Jennifer Walters. She can play a smart, nebbish lawyer & also a vibrant green amazon when she gets hit with a dose of gamma.

‘

Jessica Biel

BG – Much like Star Jones, Jennifer Walters is a lawyer. She’s smart, a little reserved and clumsily sexy. I don’t think anyone with the acting range to bring a little depth to the character would be a better pick than Cobie Smulders. For a small while she was rumored to have been Whedon’s pick for Wonder Woman, so why not bring her over to this franchise to make her another woman of steel? She’d look great in glasses, would be convincing in court, cute when she needs to be and has broad enough shoulders so that I honestly believe she could beat the crap out of me and everyone I know.

Cobie Smulders

Captain Britain

BW – To prove that they aren’t falling behind the Americans in the super power arms race, MI6 will have their own Captain to help God save the Queen. And I can think of no better actor than Colin Firth to be that captain. When clean shaven and looking trim, Firth can cut a fine figure. Put him in Captain Britain’s suit and give me a few clips of him fighting off an attack on Big Ben and I’ll be a happy lad.

Colin Firth

The Sentry

BG – The Sentry is a ticking time bomb of rage and the power of a thousand exploding suns trapped in a severely mentally damaged man who is quietly terrifying, but means nothing but well/good. Ryan Gosling would make the perfect Sentry.

Ryan Gosling

Tigra

JL – You want to put Tigra in the Avengers movie? Not really. I just want to see Vida Guerra dressed as Tigra. Can she even act? Who cares. I just want to see Vida Guerra dressed as Tigra. But wouldn’t that ruin the movie? Not really. I just want to see Vida Guerra dressed as Tigra.

Vida Guerra

BW – At first I thought Zoe Saldana would be great for this role, then I remembered she just came off of playing a cat person in Avatar, so that’s a no. So who should play the spitfire that makes every self identifying furry on planet earth blush? Emma Stone. Tigra has never had a strong identity in the comics, so it’s the perfect chance for her to be molded fresh. Let Emma Stone layer the character with wit and sarcasm while also being agile, and totally hot.

Emma Stone

Triathlon

JL – Dwayne Wade – What are you afraid of? There are tons of awesome super hero movies starring pro athletes! Like… uh… Steel! And… well… Steel! That being said, Dwayne Wade (who you’ve probably seen ribbing Charles Barkley in the T-Mobile ads) is both charismatic and fast as hell. Do we want Triathlon in our avengers movie? Probably not. Is Dwayne Wade a team player? Hell yes. He knows when to take over a game and when to support his teammates (who are usually not all that great). The current 3-D Man (see!?! Now Marvel HAS to put him in the movie! It’s 3-D) would be just the right role for D-Wade to show up, blow our minds with his quick skills for a couple minutes and then let everyone else have their fun. Just like on the 2008 Olympic team. 
Alternate choice: Kobe Bryant. Most people hate Triathlon. See? He’s perfect!

Dwayne Wade

Black Knight

JL – Nobody – I don’t want the Black Knight to ever be in an Avengers movie. But if you have to have him… Orlando Bloom. People like him when he’s got a sword and stuff. But really… nobody want’s the Black Knight in an Avengers movie.

BW – My guess is it will be a Dr. Pepper Promotion for the film. Win a walk on role as the Black Knight. Few will enter, no one will want to win.

VILLAINS:

Ultron

BW – This android, created by Hank Pym, hates daddy and is ready to commit some patricide. Ultron then in turn creates the Vision to carry out his evil plot to kill Pym and the other Avengers. Ultron could be all CG, but his voice would need to be menacing and strong. Mark Hamill could come up with something terrifying for Ultron’s voice. After doing years of voice work as the Joker, does anyone doubt he could do the Avengers greatest threat justice?

Mark Hamill

JL – Joseph Fiennes (Voice) / Doug Jones (Body) – You can’t have The Vision without having his creator Ultron and why not have Fiennes tackle double duty as the destructive Ultron, hell bent on the destruction of the Avengers and Hank Pym? That would be a pretty awesome scene in which The Vision turns on his creator and sends Ultron to the scrap heap. And when you tell an actor to play a diabolically expressive robot, we’re guessing that Geekscape buddy Doug Jones is the ONLY man on Earth who can take that and deliver completely without thinking you’re crazy.

Doug Jones

Baron Zemo

JL – Well look who decided to survive World War 2… It’s Cap’s old friend Baron Zemo. And it’s no lie that fanboys loooooove Terence Stamp after his role as General Zod. But that’s not why I picked him here. Baron Zemo is a mean son of a bitch hell bent on destroying Captain America. Watch Terence Stamp in The Limey and ask yourself if you want someone like that coming for you. No way in hell. Whatever continent he’s on… you want to be on the opposite side of the world. Add the fact that Baron Zemo wears a mask and you’ve got to cast an actor with the kind of intensity to burn you with his eyes. Do a little bit of X-Men 3 de-aging (they’ve perfected that a little since then… right?) for some flashbacks in WW2 when Cap narrowly escapes his clutches, show him taking Nick Fury’s eye out of his head and modern day Baron Zemo is not someone you want to be messing with. And Terence Stamp is right there next to him.

Terrence Stamp

BW – Baron Zemo, evil genius and deceptive mastermind. The first name to come to mind is the brilliant Christoph Waltz from Inglorious Bastards. Yes he’s taken a role in the Green Hornet, but when has that stopped Marvel. He would play evil genius perfectly and then when being evil fails, he’ll pretend to be good to meet his goals, by founding the Thunderbolts. And a spinoff franchise is born.

Christoph Waltz

Kang the Conqueror

WB – Alas, there just aren’t that many great Avengers villains. In fact, many of them are on permanent loan from various members in good standing: Baron Zemo (Cap villain), Loki (Thor villain), The Skrulls (Fantastic Four villains)… and if The Avengers movie is going to stand on its own it has to have an arch-nemesis of its very own. Kang the Conqueror comes closest, even if he did get his start in the pages of FF. This time-travelling warlord was a nobody in the distant future until he stole a time machine and used his knowledge to conquer all the great armies throughout history. Now with countless legions and untold technology at his disposal he turns to the our present to destroy the greatest fighting force ever assembled: The Avengers. It may seem like a sticky wicket to bring time travel into the mix, but we think Joss Whedon is smart enough to follow the old school Marvel “time travel creates an alternate reality” rule, allowing Kang to do whatever he wants and not have to worry about paradoxes, or someone else killing him before he was born, and so forth.
As for who should play him, I’m fond of skewing younger to allow The Avengers to outthink him, despite his obvious technological superiority. Joseph Gordon-Levitt would be just fine, and maybe this could make up for his underwhelming turn as Cobra Commander in G.I. Joe.
(Editor’s note: If we were casting the Young Avengers movie, where Iron Lad turned out to be Kang, I’d be on board with Bibbiani’s casting choice.)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

JL – Saïd Taghmaoui – I love this actor (even if he was in GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra). I first saw him in the French movie La haine when I was in high school and went crazy during the scene in Three Kings when he tortured Mark Walberg as the Iraqi Captain Said. It’s that scene above all else that makes me think that Taghmaoui is perfect for the role of Kang the Conquerer, the Avengers time jumping super villain. Oh yeah… and the fact that Kang was born in the future then went back in time and became a Pharaoh! You think the ancient Egyptians would let any old white boy from the future come in and be their ruler? Even if he did show up in a Sphinx shaped time machine? Hell no. Kang is a frustrated and angry son of a bitch. He hates the Avengers more than anything and will try any time and any place to stick it to them.  Watch that torture scene in Three Kings when he’s zapping Marky Mark’s nuts and tell me that Taghmaoui wouldn’t be a kick ass Kang.

Saïd Taghmaoui

Super-Skrull

JL – Yeah. I know the Super Skrull is technically a Fantastic Four villain. Still… an Avengers franchise is GOING to have a Skrull or two (or empire) show up sooner or later so why not cast someone who kicked total ass last summer as a Romulan in J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek? Clifton Collins can do creepy bad guy (as he did in Star Trek) or over the top bad guy (as he did in Crank: High Voltage).  Either way… if there’s a Skrull on screen, I don’t think anybody could inhabit them as well as the incredibly experienced and cerebral Collins Jr.

Clifton Collins Jr

And that’s a wrap! Thanks for reading and how do you think we did? Agree? Disagree? Did we leave anyone out? If you want to play along, tell us your casting choices by adding them to the comments below or going to the forum thread we’ve started here: http://geekscape.net/forum/topics/view/316

Or, Mr. Whedon, you can just ahead and cast your own Avengers movie. Then go make it. We were only trying to help you out a bit!

Alright, so everyone finally got to see Iron Man 2 over the weekend and couldn’t wait to run home and talk about the big extra scene after the credits. And what a cool scene it was, but that was the blatant and easy one. Iron Man 2 had a a few more shout outs to the rest of the Marvel movies in development and here’s a quick rundown.

***Spoilers Abound Below.***

#1 – The post credits reveal of Mjolnir. Not quite as good as the reveal of Sam Jackson as Nick Fury in Iron Man, but definitely a treat for those of us that can’t wait to see Thor on film, at least a Thor that isn’t fixing Elisabeth Shue’s car.

Mjolnir, Marvel’s taking it back. You hear that Halo?!

#2 – Another blatantly obvious one is Captain America’s shield. This was a bit overdone in my opinion, but what it does reveal is not only was Howard Stark a cofounder of SHIELD (As revealed by Nick Fury), he was designing Cap’s shield and may very well have been the man to discover Vibranium.

#3 – The storyline of Iron Man 2 is going on concurrently with that of Louis Letterier’s Hulk film. If you keep your eyes peeled to a news story running on a background TV set, you’ll see that it’s the same news story outlining the Hulk’s path of destruction that plays during the most recent Hulk film. So it looks like the post-credits scene in Hulk, when Tony talks to General Ross about the Avengers initiative, takes place AFTER the events in Iron Man 2, once Tony has been made a consultant to S.H.I.E.L.D in Iron Man 2.

#4 – Speaking of Vibranium, when Tony is being interviewed in a SHIELD command center about joining the Avengers Initiative (just seeing that on film made my day) there is a world map in the background with other possible candidates locations. There were several markers on the US portion of the map and one near the region of Scandanavia, which we’re assuming could be Pietro and Wanda Maximoff (Though there could be rights issues as they also appeared on Stryker’s list in X2, we’re leaning toward it possibly being just the Scarlett Witch as she is more well known as an Avenger). New Mexico is circled  designating the landing place of Mjolnir. There’s a circle around New York (The Hulk… considering Iron Man 2 is going on concurrently with the last Hulk film ) and the Atlantic (Cap on ice? Fox owns the rights to Namor under the Fantastic Four deal). The most prominent marker is the only one placed on Africa. The fictional country of Wakanda to be exact, home of the Black Panther. Yay! As Bibbiani points out, “They’ll need a black guy in the cast.” Too bad film rights issues are going to keep him single.

“Five will get you ten I’m played by the kid from Stomp the Yard”

#5 – Fin Fang Foom! You had to keep your eyes peeled for this one, because it was really quick, but artwork of Fin Fang Foom was on a billboard that Tony flies by. I’m pretty sure I caught it at the end. Super Robot Mayhem was tipped off early about the Easter egg and talked about it with lead concept artist Adi Granov spilled the beans. “This was my design for Fin Fang Foom for the Iron Man Viva Las Vegas book I was doing with Jon Favreau. But this image in particular was done for the IM movie and used as a billboard in one of the scenes where Iron Man flies past it. It’s very quick, but Jon wanted to have a kind of a cool easter egg in there.”

Fin Fang Foom as Final Fantasy Summon?!

#6 – Some Marvel comics pop up in the film. In the box of Howard Stark’s things rests a copy of Captain America #1!

#7 – It’s a Marvel movie, so you knew Stan Lee was going to pop up, and kudos to Jon Faverau for handling the Stan Lee cameo in a creative way yet again. As Tony is being ushered out of Stark Expo, Stan is introduced as Larry King. In the Iron Man films he’s now been Hugh Hefner and Larry King. The suspenders FTW.

Deleted Scenes!

We already noticed two scenes that will potentially be on the dvd extras.

#1 – A trailer for Iron Man had a brief view of Natasha Romanoff using the Iron Man repulsor gauntlets, that apparently didn’t make the final cut. Where’s our scene of ScarJo blowing shit up?

“Really? Ryan Reynolds? No shit?”

#2 – The scene where Iron Man jumps out of a plane originally had Pepper Potts in it giving the Iron Man helmet a smooch for good luck. Personally I liked that version better. Here’s the trailer that featured that scene heavily.

#3 – This is just rumor and speculation, but apparently there is a bunch of footage of nerd girl du-jore Olivia Munn that didn’t make the final cut of the film. Her role in the final movie was just a brief cameo as a reporter. (Editor’s note: Munn’s original footage was cut and redone during reshoots after the film had started to come together in editing. Maybe we’ll see it in the DVD!)

Let me just get this out of the way at the beginning: I like the look of the new Daleks. Not just because I want toys of them in each color, but because I do honestly think that they are a cool re-design. They’re not perfect. I’m not a fan of their oddly humpbacked fat asses, but in general they’re pretty cool. We got a new Doctor, a new TARDIS, a new logo and a new opening theme. Come on, people. We were bound to get a new design of the Daleks. Moffat has put his indelible stamp on Doctor Who and I welcome it.

Looks like Steven Jobs and Steven Moffat had a meeting about design.

I honestly think that Moffat is simply being true to the Doctor Who that he knows and loves. The Daleks were constantly re-designed back in the classic era. Maybe not as drastically as this time around, but whenever they’ve returned in the past they’ve always looked slightly different. And back then they weren’t even trying to sell toys! With the budget the show has now and its worldwide recognition, why wouldn’t Steven Moffat want to have new Daleks that he can say he was responsible for bringing to television? Whatever the reason though, these are the Daleks that we’re going to be living with for the next few years so we had better all get used to it.

Good on Mark Gatiss for giving us what it said on the tin, the title of this episode was incredibly accurate. The Daleks finally got one over on the old Doctor. Good on them too. After the past 5 years of the Doctor (or his companion) wiping out every Dalek from existence only for them to return in some new timey-whimey way, it was nice to have a denouement where the Daleks were able to get away intact. While I disagree with most online punters that say that this was a set-up for this season finale, I do know that this was a set-up for this era of Doctor Who. I don’t know when the Daleks will return, but I can guarantee that they will and when they do they will probably, again, live to fight another day. Far from what we had gotten used to in the RTD era.

The viewscreen from the classic TARDIS has returned!

So how was the episode? Well, first off it felt short and that’s because it was. The runtime came in at just under 42 minutes which for an episode that not only brought back and rejuvenated the Doctor’s number one foe, but also gave us Winston Churchill and the lovely tidbit of Amy not knowing who the Daleks are, is fairly short. It truly felt like a Part 1 without a Part 2. Which only solidifies my previous theory that this is the beginning of something much, much bigger.

Overall though, I’d say that I was definitely entertained. Quite a bit about the story was dodgy and maybe even a little ill conceived. Ian McNeice, who apparently is known for his Churchill impression, was pretty unconvincing. I don’t want to offend anyone, but I think it would have been better to have gotten someone who at least looked like Churchill and not someone who looks like he had just eaten Churchill. To that point it seemed like McNeice was almost a caricature of the real British Bulldog (and we don’t mean wrestler Davey Boy Smith!).

The rest of the supporting cast was great though. Karen Gillan made the excruciating bomb diffusion scene actually bearable, but that may just be the small crush on Amy Pond that I have brewing.

I swear Matt Smith has a thing for Karen Gillan.

Bill Paterson as Professor Bracewell was fantastic as well. He had just the right amount of nutty professor in him to make him enjoyable to watch. And again he really pulled through in the otherwise laughable bomb diffusion scene. Seriously… happy thoughts and positive thoughts to diffuse a bomb? Mark Gatiss… I expect better from you.

Of course it goes with out saying at this point, but Matt Smith was just brilliant. How about that uppercut? “Don’t mess with me sweetheart.” There are so many levels to his portrayal of The Doctor. His anger at the Daleks pretending to be subservient and then his utter disappointment in himself when he realized that they had duped him. To me this is a man who is essentially broken. Even when he boasts of his brilliance, there are subtle cracks that show through, whereas the Tenth Doctor always seemed almost infallible, 10 steps ahead of everyone else and making decisions that he felt were unquestionable. Matt Smith’s Eleventh Doctor is very much the opposite. He is making it up as he goes a long and seems very unsure. Word has it that Matt Smith is naturally a clumsy man, but it suits the version of the Doctor and only adds to the awkwardness that seems to be in his heart.

You could argue that Moffat is working to very much leave behind the events of the Russell T. Davies era, even his new companion can’t remember what happened during the events of “The Stolen Earth” (more on that later). But I’d say that the Eleventh Doctor has actually been deeply effected by them. How could he not be? Every choice he made in his previous body appears to have gone wrong. He couldn’t save Adelaide. He couldn’t save Donna. And he couldn’t put an end to the Daleks once and for all. What has it all been for? More importantly, how could a man who has triumphed so greatly, yet failed so miserably time and again, not be affected? It’s impossible. And I feel that Matt Smith is emoting that at every step.

You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry

The biggest question of the episode though brings us back to miss Amy Pond and how it is that she has no idea who the Daleks are. To me the answer lies in two places. Brace yourself for some speculation here. The first one is obviously the cracks that are following the TARDIS where ever it goes. Could it be that it is the Doctor and the TARDIS that are actually causing these cracks? Is time itself actually messed up? The answer to that, and my second clue, is on Rory’s hospital ID badge, shown in close-up, in “The Eleventh Hour”. Look at the issue date. No way that is an oversight or a production error. Moffat is way too smart for that. If his badge was issued in 1990,how is it that everyone in Ledworth was using smartphones, BlackBerries, and webcams? As Moffat is THE master of wibbly-wobbly-timey-whimey I am really looking forward to seeing how this all pans out later in the season.

Yes I am this nerdy about Doctor Who.

Personally I think it’s all a big rouse and Steven Moffat’s real season arc has something to do with his dream of making an all Scottish version of Star Wars. I know we’re only 3 episodes in, but these episodes are already rife with jokes about one and references to the other. The British Spitfire run on the Death Star Dalek ship was, like last weeks “Help us, Doctor… You’re our only hope”‚ almost too obvious of an homage. Even the way the Spitfires were destroyed reminded me of those parts of A New Hope and Return of the Jedi. That’s not to say that I didn’t enjoy watching those pilots take on the Dalek ship and it’s special ray that could control every light switch in London. Besides being just plain fun, the scene also had the best special effects of this season so far. What I don’t want to do is start questioning how the hell those spitfires got into space to begin with or why they had spinning propellers in a vacuum. Really I just don’t.

“I was promised a cup of tea.”

With WWII, London during The Blitz, a Jammie Dodgers used to save the planet and not so subtle callbacks to Genesis of the Daleks, I’d give this episode an 8 out of 10. Matt Smith is absolutely killing it as the Eleventh Doctor. Steven Moffat is without a doubt taking us into a brand new era of Doctor Who and so far I am thoroughly enjoying the ride. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing what the Daleks have in store when they ultimately return (and picking up one of each color at Comic-Con this year). But right now I am most looking forward to next week. River Song! Weeping Angels! Woot! My Eleventh Doctor Sonic Screwdriver just came in the mail so I’m going to go play with it now. And no… that is NOT a euphamism!

Do you remember the scene in Fight Club where Tyler and ___ were stealing human fat to make that organic soap? Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are comedy geniuses in that scene. When the bag of fat gets stuck on the barbed wire and starts pouring onto Brad Pitt, I am both hilariously entertained and positively mortified by the disgustingness that is being poured on him. Now picture if some of that had gotten into his mouth and he ate it. Willingly.

That is the scene I imagine in my head as I get my first taste of a KFC Doubledown.

Today, my curiosity got the better of me and I hoofed it over to KFC to check out their food abomination known as the Doubledown. It is a bacon and cheese sandwich that has replaced the bun with two fried chicken breasts (or grilled chicken breasts, for all the vegetarians out there). I do this for you, dear reader.

I stared into the abyss… and later I tried not puking into the abyss.

Visually, the sandwich looks like it could be tasty. The chicken breasts almost resemble two pieces of bread that were baked without being kneaded into submission. Don’t be fooled. The folks at KFC are kind enough to wrap the sandwich in wax paper so that you don’t have to handle the greasy bun substitutes directly.

I started to actually eat the sandwich. I looked at this beast and my heart sank a little. Just a little. I was about to eat the most disgusting concoction ever created since that last thing that KFC put out.

As I bit into the sandwich, I was overcome with a salty, almost sweat-like, taste. If you could make a sandwich out of grizzle and tears, it would taste exactly like a KFC double down. The cheese and sauce give the DD the most vile texture I’ve ever had the displeasure of “chewing” (forcing down). Imagine a full ketchup packet mixed with Laffy Taffy. I had an extremely hard time eating this sandwich (and writing this sentence).

This is my view while I eat my Double Down. Coincidence? I think not.

Luckily, I enjoy KFC’s coleslaw. I’m not a big coleslaw guy, but I needed a distraction from the taste of this sandwich and my Mt. Dew was not doing enough to cleanse my palette after each bite. That’s right, the taste is so gross you want to get it out of your mouth after each bite.

Apparently, there was bacon on this thing. I am going to skip the pretense of even calling it a sandwich anymore. You can’t taste the bacon, but overall the sandwich tastes more pork like than chicken. Upon being almost done with the foul aberration of Man’s nature and universe, I started to try and finish it. The last few bites were the worst. All that was left was breading and a little bit of cheese. I did the smart thing and just left it alone at that point.
As I walked out of KFC, my conscience was heavy. I was imagining the entirety of that sandwich going straight to an artery. I honestly debated whether or not finding some syrup or ipecac was a good idea or not.

The Doubledown is not a meal, it is self abuse. There should be support groups for cutters and doubldown eaters. On the walk home, on a warm, sunny day here in LA, sweat began to bead on my forehead and I thought, “I’m  not sweating, I’m oozing doubledown.”

 If you haven’t heard of Glee by now, you also have no idea what electricity is, the fact that the Beatles broke up, and that Michael Jackson is dead. Glee is the television phenomenon from Fox that is enjoying such high praise and adoration you’d think it was the final year of Friends instead of a freshman series. People can’t get enough of this show.

That fact was highly evident when I caught the season 1.5 premiere at The Grove near Hollywood, California, this past Saturday. Thousands of Gleeks (Glee-geeks, not people spitting) poured into an area designed to hold barely hundreds to catch an early glimpse of the latest episode of Glee. I try to be as spoiler free as possible, so don’t expect much detail on anything after the first 30 minutes of the episode.

The first new episode since December picks up a few weeks after the members of “New Directions” have won sectionals. Everyone is thinking with their big sectionals win the days of being the losers are over. We are beautifully reminded very quickly, that the status quo at William McKinley High School hasn’t changed in the slightest. The glee kids are still at the bottom of the social ladder and Shuster is still going to have to fight tooth and nail to get the program any respect.

In the last episode, Will Shuster (Matthew Morrison) found out his wife was faking her pregnancy, so he left her to be with the guidance counselor that was secretly in love with him, Emma (played adorably by Jayma Mays). Quinn (Dianna Agron) finally revealed to Finn (Corey Monteith) that the real baby she was carrying wasn’t his, but his best friend Puck’s (Mark Salling).  This led to Rachel (Lea Michele) finally making her move on her unrequited love, Finn.

Picking up from that soap opera climax, Quinn is now dating Puck, who is telling his pregnant girlfriend he doesn’t want to be seen with a fatty. Smooth, seriously, every girl I talk to loves this character. And I have no idea why. He is a giant ass.

Rachel is now dating Finn who has switched gears from sucking at football to sucking at basketball. I’m sure next season he’ll suck at baseball. She has even gone so far as to make crazy dating calendars, with her and Finn’s heads photo-shopped onto kitten bodies.

Jane Lynch’s awesomely cathartic Sue Sylvester is back after blackmailing her job back from the principal with a staged sex photo. She is just as funny and biting as ever, and I dare to say even more acid tongued. Her Machiavellian schemes to take down the Glee club continue as she looks to use Rachel Berry’s personal life to unravel the gang from within.

Speaking of Ms. Berry, after finding short lived happiness with Finn, he turns around and dumps her saying he needs to “explore his inner rock star.” The idea of just one girl doesn’t seem to be enough for our young Finn. He belts out The Doors’ “Hello, I love you” and goes out on a date with two Cheerios. Meanwhile, Rachel meets Jesse St. James, her counter part in the rival show choir program Vocal Adrenaline. He oozes charisma, and I mean oozes. The character is slimy as hell and you can see it from a mile away. They break out a duet of Lionel Richie’s “Hello”.

Mr. Shuster is now with obsessive compulsive Emma. The greatest thing about their relationship in this episode is that they only watch Jerry Bruckheimer movies, because that’s all the DVDs Shu’s ex left behind. We also find out that Emma is *spoiler* shock, a virgin. I was actually a little pissed about how they handled Shuster’s reaction to this. He gets disturbed and disappointed, way to ruin a good thing, idiot. Why would anyone have a negative reaction to finding out someone is a virgin? Are you that big an asshole?  

Apparently yes, because ten minutes later he’s making out with Vocal Adrenaline’s coach, played by Idina Menzel (the second witch from Wicked to appear on this show).

It comes out that Rachel is dating a member of vocal adrenaline and everyone in the choir tries to put a stop to it, while Sue sees an opportunity and tries to push it forward.

The musical numbers in this week’s episode include the already mentioned Doors and Lionel Richie covers as well as Neil Diamond’s “Hello Again”, ACDC’s “Highway to Hell” as done by Vocal Adrenaline (with some awesome/hot costuming), a far superior version of All American Rejects’ “Gives You Hell”, and lastly the Beatles “Hello Goodbye”. Did anyone spot the theme here? Yes, this week is all about saying hello or saying go to hell, depends on who you’re talking to. The disappointment from the first half of the season continues as only Shu, Rachel, and Finn do any lead vocals. I get it Lea Michelle has pipes, but I watch this show for the rest of the cast more than I watch for her. Let Dianna Agron sing, she’s only gotten what, one song so far? You’ve got a deep bench there Glee, use it!

Some of the highlights of the episode are finally seeing the inner workings of vocal adrenaline, Coach Sylvester setting up a William McKinley High’s old maids club, and Finns date with Brittany and Santana. The only quote I will ruin in advance is Brittany’s classic dialogue, “Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?” It’s dialogue like this that keeps me coming back again and again.

This episode provides a great launching pad for what we’ll be seeing the next few months. Shuster trying to figure out what (or who) he wants, Sue being cantankerous and deliciously evil, and Finn finally having to fight for a girl instead of being the prize the girls are after. We don’t really get too many details on what’s up with Quinn and Puck or how Artie, Kurt, Mercedes and Tina are dealing with the post sectionals social life let down, but hopefully we’ll get more ensemble specific eps soon.

If you watched Glee this past fall or caught the pilot a year ago and couldn’t stand it, this new episode isn’t going to change your mind. If you’ve never seen Glee, I highly recommend jumping on now, as the plots on this show only get more outrageous and this is the simplest time it’s been in months. For a show that is less than a year old, these kids have had more issues than Jonathan London’s long box. And with a Joss Whedon directed episode, featuring Mr. Neil Patrick Harris, you’ll want to be as up to speed as possible.

I am warming to Matt Smith as the Doctor very very quickly. This time the Doctor and Amy are aboard the Starship UK. Every nation on Earth boarded star ships into space when solar flares became to much for the planet and everyone was forced to evacuate. But something is afoot on the Starship UK as wind up “Smilers” judge people and send them to “the Beast Below”.           

The Doctor and Amy investigate what is happening, with the Doctor investigating a hunch in the engine room and Amy following up with a child they had witnessed crying uncontrollably earlier. Amy’s investigation proves fruitful as she discovers a scorpion like creature on one of the decks of the ship before she is mysteriously carted off by “the Winders.”

The Doctor also makes a discovery, the ship has no engines. It’s in space, moving forward but there are no vibrations and no electricity hook ups to an engine. A mystery woman comes into play, as she too knows something on the ship isn’t right. 

                                                  The Doctor as Harry Potter?

Amy wakes in a cell and is forced to watch a video about what the Brits did to get into outer space. She is given the option to remember and protest or forget and go about her life. Without being privy to what Amy sees she chooses to forget and records a video telling herself to get the Doctor off the ship. Just as she is about to leave the voting booth the Doctor arrives and out of curiosity pushes the protest button, at which point the Doctor and Amy fall into a giant pit.

To go into any more detail about the plot of the episode would reveal too many a spoiler, and I try not to do that. I will say the Doctor is forced to make a very hard decision and Amy reveals, very early in her tenure as a companion, that she knows the Doctor very well. The most recent incarnations of the Doctor have had wonderful companions, and Ms. Amelia Pond is shaping up to be my new favorite.       

With Amelia, we get a wonderful familiarity with the Doctor right away, because, as established in the “11th Hour”, the Doctor was Amelia’s imaginary friend growing up. She may not know everything about the doctor, but she knows him as she imagined him as a child. I think we may be heading down the same path of Rose and Tennant’s Doctor where romantic feelings took over, but that’s okay. I loved that aspect of the show, right up until they regenerated Rose a fake “human” Doctor. It gives the companion and the Doctor something to lose.

 “The Beast Below” is great for a couple reasons. Number one is the fact that we immediately jump into a moral quandry for the Doctor. My favorite episodes of Doctor Who have been where the Doctor has had to make a choice that has no wrong answer but both choices have huge moral impact. That is the basis of the episode. Number 2, this episode fills in some of the time line gaps from Davies’ Doctor. Remember Rose’s first journey into space, where they see the earth overtaken by the sun? This episode is part of that timeline and takes place when humans were still fresh from the original evacuation. It’s nice that Moffat is doing his own thing, but also folding it into stories told before. This episode has a perfect ending and establishes a great relationship of trust between Amy and the Doctor. Plus, we see that this Doctor is a little more needy, even though he came off as extremely autonomous and strong in the first episode when he and Amy hug, for a very long time, at the end of the episode.

Next week is looking to be freakin’ awesome though, as we get Winston Churchill, Space fighter pilots, and the return of the Daleks! Only on BBC One!

I am a fan of TV’s “Chuck.” There I said it. Which is why when I heard that the cast would be making another appearance at WonderCon this year, I jumped at the chance to participate in whatever press round tables they had planned. With the on and off again history of the show, I may not get another chance!

“Chuck” has been on the cancellation bubble since first airing on NBC in 2007. Each year, the network pulls it back from the dead at the last minute and gives it a new episode order. You’d think that this type of back and forth nail biting suspense would hurt the show, but star Zachary Levi is surprisingly positive:
   
“Being a bubble show has also kept Chris (Fedak) and Josh (Schwartz) on their toes. Pushing the season constantly forward and the mythology grows. I think that’s one of the most important things that comes out of being a bubble show, the fans get forward momentum. You don’t get a ton of episodes where you don’t learn anything.”

                          Actors Adam Baldwin, Zachary Levi, Joshua Gomez

Which is why you all should be excited about the season’s 13th episode. Originally written and shot as a season finale before the network decided to order another six episodes it is apparently going to be a big one. Exec. Producer Chris Fedak says that this is the episode that the entire season had been building up to so expect something epic. Also expect a “no reset button big enough” scenario according to Josh Schwartz.

Post episode #13, the show has 6 more episodes in the can… but after that no one really knows. Still, Fedak did give some hints about what he’d like to see in the show’s future and it sounds brilliant.

First off would be more guest stars. Being a fan of the 80’s action movies, the first thing out of Fedak’s mouth as a suggestion is the cast of “The Expendables.” His next fantasy would be to reunite the cast of “Buckaroo Banzai” for an episode. On the other end of the spectrum would be some more great comedians and fans could look forward to the likes of Fred Willard and Swoosie Kurtz making appearances.  

                                          Executive Producer Chris Fedak

And what about the Buy More? The Buy More is what centers the show and is the home-base that Chuck will always return to in the end. So instead of having Chuck just leave the Buy More, Fedak is always trying to figure out how to have a Buy More set in another country such as Rome or Costa Grava so that Armand Assante could make a return appearance.

One thing is certain though when Chuck does return: it will be with the full-on funny. Both Schwartz and Fedak said that the 14th and 15th episodes are some of the funniest the show has produced.

The end of this current story arc airs Monday April 5th (tonight) at 8pm Central and Pacific on NBC. The show then returns on April 26th to finish off the season and head into an uncertain future. Be sure to watch and help save one of the best shows on TV.

WonderCon 2010 has come to an end and all we are left with is our fond memories of the long weekend spent listening to stars and creators trying not to spoil upcoming projects while ramping up hype, fans showing off their most creative (or revealing) costumes and myself trying to figure out if that stain on my shirt is nacho cheese or something much worse. If you missed my earlier two photo essays, definitely check out Day 1 and Day 2! If anything, you’ll enjoy Nic Cage’s magic hair and Ali Larter’s assets as much as I did!

Now on to Day number 3!

To the overpriced snack bar and beyond!

Rose, The Doctor, an Ood and a Vashta Nerada. But why is The Doctor ginger? Was that on purpose as a joke?

This kid dressed as General Grievous is better than anything in the prequels.

Brent “Data” Spiner was joking with this pose. He is actually a really great guy.

Batman pushes the limits of his utility belt’s stretchiness.

You gotta catch ’em all… except this one. You don’t want this one.

Our buddy Mr. Destructoid!

There are so many things wrong with this picture that I don’t know where to begin.

This was an actual droid building company. My custom R2 unit is already on order.

Would you tap this Lady Punisher… before she double tapped you?

Mark Valley of “Human Target.” Apparently right after someone approached him and said that they love “Burn Notice.”

Human Target’s Jackie Earl Haley.

A TARDIS and a Dalek. I think that Dalek dress idea can be retired now seeing as it has been done to death.

John “Q” DeLancie

Is Snape’s hair blue?!?

Executive producers of “Chuck,” Chris Fedak and Josh Schwartz.

Adam Baldwin, Zachary Levi, Joshua Gomez express the popular “Oh… you’re with Geekscape?”

Followed by the not as popular “Gotcha! We love Geekscape!”

Here’s Day 2’s photo-essay from WonderCon San Francisco, where I’ve been on assignment for Geekscape. As you can see below, I took some photos from the Kick Ass, Nightmare on Elm Street and Losers panels as well as checked out the press event for the new Resident Evil game. It was such a star studded day, that at around 2pm, I was inclined to text Jonathan with “Ali Larter has an incredible ass” to which he replied “you’re a pervert… take pictures.” At least he’s not prone to name calling without knowing what he’s talking about.

Batman appears to be REAL cool with this…

This one was a close call.

Hell yes! We got one of these guys!

The Kick Ass panelists!

Serious Funny Man Clark Duke

McLovin’ is always on with the ladies.

Jane Goldman – Kick Ass Screenwriter

Nicholas Cage… who’s confidence in his hair was betrayed by his defensive body language.

Warner Bros.’ surprise of the day wasn’t Green Lantern but Christopher Nolan

The picture of Ali Larter I was “assigned” to take.

Ali Larter telling photographers to keep their photos above the waste.

Now that’s more like it!

Milla Jovovich standing up for Ali.

Paul WS Anderson sticking up for Paul WS Anderson.

Mary Marvel = Freakin’ Awesome!    Supergirl = A Freakin’ Dude!

Number 1 UK chat show and radio host Jonathan Ross!

The Losers panel

The Losers and director Sylvain White

Do not ask questions about Captain America.

Someone pointed out that that is NOT Nicolas Cage.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan looks like he wants to kick my ass.

Two female Johnny Depp impersonators.

It’s Rorschach… I mean Freddie… I mean Geekscape writer Brent Moore!

Kyle “I’m playing the Johnny Depp part” Gallner at the Nightmare on Elm Street panel.

I think Freddy Krueger made the extended scene they showed because it really put me to sleep…

Robin! The Boy… who was sold into underage sex trafficking.

Gilmore can has photo pleaz?

The Women of DC! And their gay male friend! And… that chick in front who we still don’t know what she’s dressed as!

Our embedded photo-correspondent Stephen Prescott was at Wonder Con in San Francisco and took these pics too share with you. Reviews and insight from Wonder Con to come in the hours and days ahead! For now, enjoy this tour of what your missing!

The View From The Mezzanine

Robin the Boy Blunder

Stephen caught this attendee red… okay. Bad joke.

The only man to ever turn down a S.A.M. interview (true story).

Riddle: When did the Riddler join the JLA?

Aaron “Chief” Douglas

She’s keeping a close eye on Arkham Asylum Scarecrow!

Deadpool and… Deadpool

Writer Jimmy Palmiotti

Batgirl

The Honky Tonk Man!

William “Greatest American Hero” Katt

Lady Deadpool, Lady Wolverine and Deadpool again… No wonder he is in every Marvel comic!

Geoff “Chief Creative Officer” Johns

It wouldn’t be Wonder Con without this…

… or this.

Helen “You Mean You People Actually LIKED The Supergirl Movie!?!” Slater

Dante’s Inferno

The Bionic Woman

There’s a Furry at every convention!

Erin Grey from Buck Rogers!

Writer Judd Winnick

Jim Lee

Comedian Jeff Garlin

Hermione knows what you did Gilmore… and so do the rest of them.

Darwyn Cooke

Blackhawk and Raven with… is that a Dazzler outfit?!? Jubilee? Jem?

It has children…

Jake108 in disguise.

Someone forgot their badge…

Michael “Holy %$#& What a Sea of Geeks” Chiklis

Come ‘N’ Get It!

I recently received an invite to participate in the Starcraft II beta test. For the sake of those of you who haven’t gotten in yet, I’ll highlight some of what I’ve been able to check out so far.

First off, the game’s polished, well designed user interface is really striking. Battle.net is completely integrated into the game client and the automated player matching is fast and painless. The matchmaking system takes player skill into account when assigning opponents/teammates but the beta’s low player population is forcing them to tweak the system a bit to err on the side of reducing wait times rather than finding an even match-up. This was a cause of some frustration, but it should work even better when the game is released. One new client feature I found really handy was the timestamped log available post-match that details each player’s build order, nice to have if you find yourself consistently pummeled early on.

Battle.net went through a relaunch early last year and players were forced to link their World of Warcraft accounts to the service a few months ago. Blizzard seems to be preparing for the end of an era of having one incredibly successful title on the market. With Starcraft II coming out soon and Diablo III to follow, they want to provide a way for players to easily stay involved with all three titles and perhaps even do cross promotion between them. Battle.net features like Xbox Live style friends lists, rankings and other goodies are hinted at in the beta menus.

In-game it doesn’t take much to top the look of the original. Starcraft came out in 1998 and used a 2D graphics engine with sprites made from prerendered 3D models. It is nice to finally play the game in a modern, 3D engine. Much like they did with World of Warcraft, Blizzard is casting a wide net with relatively reasonable hardware requirements. I use a three year old laptop, and after turning off most of the extra eye candy I was able to get it to run smooth in my native resolution. Even with dozens of units on the screen I didn’t notice any stutter.

They’ve kept the core gameplay very similar to the original and it didn’t take long for my muscle memory to kick in. I’m straining myself to recall major unit/ability differences from 11 years ago… I am pretty sure the terran supply depots didn’t have the ability to retract into the ground in the original. For better or worse, the terrans still have the whole “hicks in space” theme. It is reflected in the voice acting of the units and the soundtrack is vaguely reminiscent of the music of Firefly/Serenity. Seeing the zerg in the new engine was a real treat. Despite the economical use of polygon counts, their building and unit animations look very organic as they throb and pulsate. The lighting effects for the protoss units are spectacular. I really enjoyed building a large fleet of void rays and watching them all fire their beams on a single target.

At the moment, only a few multiplayer modes are available to play. The single player campaign is not included, there are no sneak peeks at the cinematics, and some of the Battle.net features haven’t been implemented. It seems a major purpose of this beta is to gain information for balancing the units/races. While I favored the protoss because they require a little less micromanagement, I wasn’t able to see any clear race advantage. I suppose the number of matches I played probably wouldn’t be sufficient to make a clear judgment anyway. Everything has stayed so close to the original that I expect any race balance issues are minor and what little there may be will be ironed out before launch.

While race balance doesn’t seem to be a big issue, I hope the developers use the beta to take a look at how games play out in general and maybe tweak things to ensure that winning feels satisfying and losing doesn’t feel cheap. While the matchmaking system helps with this, I don’t think it fixes everything. In the original Starcraft, pvp matches seemed to devolve into a single strategy: either rushing the opponent with low level units or getting rushed yourself.  This scenario kind of defeats the purpose of making advanced units and upgrades available to the player.  From what I’ve experienced in the beta, Blizzard hasn’t done anything about this and may not even see it as a problem. There isn’t much of a tug of war involved in a match, once you or an ally gets hit hard, it is nearly impossible to recover. Add in the fact that the ladder system gives players incentives to get in fast wins and you have a recipe for a lot of quick games that feel aborted whether you win or lose.

Blizzard has stayed very true to the original. So true in fact, that I lost interest in playing a couple days after I started. Once the novelty of seeing an old title updated to today’s standards wore off, I was left with the same game I grew tired of playing over a decade ago. The developers may have been a little too cautious in trying not to tamper with what worked the first time around. Certainly there are players that are simply looking forward for an excuse to relive their Starcraft experience in a much improved package and rest assured they will receive exactly that. I may have already had my fill of what the beta has to offer but I am still confident that I will find a way to enjoy this game when it releases. The single player campaign will have more scripting involved which should shake-up the core gameplay a bit and make things more interesting. More than anything I look forward to the wealth of community developed mods that will become available after launch because the game engine is solid and should serve as an excellent foundation to build upon.

Read any review about God of War III, and you’ll run across the word epic. It’s kind of like reading a review for Avatar and finding the words game-changer. While we have to wait and see if Avatar turns out to be the game-changer it was heralded as, it is clear from the very first instance that God of War III is truly epic; in both the modern and classical usage of the word.

God of War 3 is wonderful in how one aspect seems to complement every other facet of the game. The beauty of the game elevates its scope. The scope allows the story to go above and beyond. The grandeur of the story allows both sound and game play to draw you in that much more.

It’s hard to not to let this review take a nose dive into the world of review cliché, but that’s all I really want to do. The way this game looks is beyond amazing. I most certainly was not sitting with my jaw literally on the floor, but I did pause my game during the first level, gathered my roommates who were playing NES in the other room, and sat them down to watch me play through it. A hush quickly came over the room as they sat and watch just how far we’ve come since the game they were playing moments ago. The fact that you can see Kratos grimace a number of different ways while he hacks and slashes his way through ancient Greece is quite an accomplishment. The lighting in this game is incredible and the way you get to play around with it is absolutely delightful.

The scope of the game is also something that deserves to be marveled at. When I picked up the game, both guys at the register were incredibly excited to sell it to me. It felt weird to have someone pitch a game so hard to me that I was already set to buy before they even started. 

“Dude, this is the most insane first level of a game I have ever played. If you’ve got something planned after this, cancel it. You gotta go home and play this game.”

Well, that guy was completely right. I didn’t take him seriously because of the fact that he then tried to sign me up for a number of different cards and mailing lists, but I should have. This is the most insane first level of a game I have ever played. I’m not going to spoil it for you because it’s something that is best experienced untainted. More impressive than the first level, is the fact that the game manages to out do itself from its amazing start.

I don’t think it’s completely out of line to say that this game is the best blockbuster movie of 2010. The game is incredibly cinematic. It’s clear that the designers had camera placement in mind from the get-go, as you are continuously treated to the best view and best angle possible. The cut scenes are gorgeous and, at times, are hardly distinguishable from actual game play (in a good way). The animated cut scenes that fill in back-story take ancient Greek art and injects them with a modern sensibility. I would easily buy a print of any frame from those cut scenes and hang it on my wall.

God of War III, being the last chapter in the series, ties the story up so completely that I sincerely hope the makers of Lost take notice. The stories in the previous games were good, but it was always unclear where the story was going and how it would fit in within the world of ancient Greek mythology. It may not be the most original way to fit Kratos and his story in the world, but it works so well. You might be able to call the ending half way through the game, but I still had a smile on my face upon realizing how clever the ending actually was. Due to the game’s scope and beautiful score, the rather obvious story is lifted from mediocrity and placed upon its throne on Mount Olympus, where it belongs. (Sorry about that one, I couldn’t help myself) The only complaint is that the game runs a little short, having finished it around 10 hours. It’s hardly an issue given that the scope of the game makes it feel enormous.

Finally, we have the game play. It’s rather unchanged from the previous incarnations of the game, aside from two or three more moves, tools, and weapons that Kratos needs to get his revenge upon the gods. While not a huge issue, I did have some problems with the weapons system. Kratos gets four different weapons during his journey that you are able to change with the D-Pad. That worked out fine, but I found the quick button (L1 + X) to change weapons on the fly problematic. During heated button-mashing, I found myself accidentally changing weapons more than once. This normally wasn’t too much of a problem, but it did cause me some trouble during one fight in particular. There’s also the fact that the weapons you pick don’t seem to matter. The one exception is the gauntlets, which break up onyx and are essential on any enemy that has onyx shields. The other weapons have slight differences but they ultimately do not matter. It just comes down to which one you think looks the coolest while Kratos flings them about.

The only other gripe about game play I have is the location of the quick time events. They are now pushed to the sides of the screen corresponding to their position on the controller. While it’s something you get use to quickly, I would have liked it if God of War III took the Heavy Rain approach and put the cut scenes in the action, that way I could have my eyes glued on the screen instead of focusing outside of the action so I wouldn’t miss the correct button to press.

So, all in all, God of War III is the perfect ending to one of the best action franchises in video game history. Any PS3 owners that may be agonizing over their purchase will instantly be reminded why they wanted the system as soon as they play it. The game also has a set of challenges, costumes, and additional items to up the replay value but that’s all just gravy since you’ll be revisiting this one because of how wonderful the experience is.

Starting with last generation’s Battlefield 2: Modern Combat and working its way through this generation’s Bad Company and Battlefield 1943, DICE has done a lot of work in order to take its PC sandbox Battlefield franchise and craft it into a sleek and streamlined version that works for the console while not giving up the depth of its PC forefathers. Fortunately, Bad Company 2 seems to be the full realization of all their hard work.

            The most obvious achievement for the DICE team is their single player campaign. Both Modern Combat and Bad Company were saddled with single player campaigns that felt like an afterthought to the games multiplayer maps. Bad Company 2, however, has a campaign that actually makes you understand what it means to be a soldier in 222^nd battalion’s B company. Bad Company takes you through an impressively rendered globe-trotting journey with origins in World War II in order to keep the bad things out of the hands of the bad guys. It’s not a totally original premise, but what’s important is that your squad actually feels like a totally real and dynamic group of people. While other shooters have characters that face a hail of gun fire with stone faces and silence, Bad Company faces their impossible situation by discussing their favorite scene from Predator. They also do a fair amount of fourth wall breaking commentary and one upping of a certain other modern franchise that deals with warfare….too. The characters are so charming, hilarious, and well-characterized; it’s extremely easy to get attached. So, with a squad that is basically composed entirely of the friends of anyone who claims to be a geek, it’s super easy to forgive plot holes big enough to fly a UH-60 Black Hawk through.

             The game play is extremely well done. The levels are more linear than previous efforts, but there is still room to approach certain situations in a number of ways. Being able to destroy 92 percent of the surroundings (no, you’re not going to be able to dig a hole to china with your Saiga12) while having to also calculate for bullet drop does a lot for the game’s realism. The control feels slightly more refined than Battlefield 1943, at least in the respect that vehicles seem to handle better. The enemies in this game are smart and will not hesitate to blow apart your cover or vehicle in order to serve you a lead salad a la Tyler Durden and the rest of Team Mayhem. They certainly offer a good challenge that will keep you on your toes.

There are some slight issues that can be nit-picked at here. I got stuck in the geometry a couple of times. There were some visual glitches, mostly when things got intense. The checkpoints are somewhat far apart and will lead to some frustrating repeats of stages as a result of the more difficult firefights. There’s an odd choice to letterbox some of the cut scenes, which takes you out of the moment. Also, the sound design (which is, frankly, an unparalleled effort in realism) is so good that it unfortunately drowns out some of the interesting dialogue. All these points are extremely minor and don’t take much away from the experience.

            Now for the bit you are really concerned about. The multiplayer is wonderful and offers an experience unlike that of Modern Warfare 2. Bad Company 2 is the thinking-man’s multiplayer experience. The game is at its best when teams cooperate to meet objectives. That isn’t to say there isn’t room for the one man army approach, but there is something about alerting your team to the enemy presence so that they can take them down in a rain of bullets and secure a base that is entirely more satisfying.

            The multiplayer has several modes of play to choose from. The classic conquest mode is here to play, along with the newer rush (a stage where you destroy satellite uplinks in order to capture base points), squad death match (a 4×4 strictly shooting round), and squad rush (a streamlined 4×4 version of the 24, 32 on pc, player rush mode). Matching the four modes, is the four types of soldier classes to choose from. Assault, Medic, Engineer, and Recon classes all offer different weapons and specializations to compliment the four distinct approaches to game play that generally coincide with the class. These weapons and specializations are earned through out the game, as you gain points for a range of different tasks and achievements.

            The multiplayer is generally free of problems of the single player campaign, though I will say that it was an odd choice to have the Medic and Engineer classes start without any means of healing or fixing things. This is also a minor issue, as moving up in rank moves rather quickly, if you’re a team player.

            Here’s a pro-tip for the few of you console players that are new to the franchise and are having a hard time leveling up. Learn to play with your thumb over the left analog stick so that you can hit the select or back button on your controller to alert your team to the enemy when you see them while running at the same time. This lets you rack up points for assists while also letting the rest of your team know where the enemy is at. Unfortunately, this might be slightly more difficult for the xbox crowd. This tactic is pretty crucial for the entire game, so players unwilling to contort their hands on the controller should at least keep spotting in mind when they’re safe and cozy in a fox hole.

Let’s not beat around the bush here. We all know Mass Effect 2 is the highly anticipated continuation of Commander Shepard & Co.’s story as they fight to save humanity, and the rest of the galaxy, from the Reapers. Bioware’s initial 2007 effort certainly left me with three years of the utmost stern reflection upon the little decisions that “David Maydoney” Shepard made through out the course of the game. Were the right decisions made? More importantly, do they pay off? Mostly. Let’s not beat around the bush here. We all know Mass Effect 2 is the highly anticipated continuation of Commander Shepard & Co.’s story as they fight to save humanity, and the rest of the galaxy, from the Reapers. Bioware’s initial 2007 effort certainly left me with three years of the utmost stern reflection upon the little decisions that “David Maydoney” Shepard made through out the course of the game. Were the right decisions made? More importantly, do they pay off? Mostly.

To show my dedication to the preservation of human kind as we know it, I offer you these stats as a reflection of my efforts:
Game Play (commenced immediately upon coming home with ME2): 40 hrs
Liquids Consumed: 4 1/2 liters of Dr. Pepper, 1/2 liter of iced tea (homemade)
Food Consumed: 8 hot dogs (no buns), 5 Cadbury Caramel Eggs, 3 Cadbury Cream Eggs, 3 Double Stuffed Oreos, and a handful of those new dreadful sweethearts valentines day candies
Showers taken, post purchase: 0 showers
Sleep breaks (all taken in my living room): 10 hrs
Time spent between black living room love seat and tan pleather couch: 11 hrs/39 hrs, respectively
pairs of batteries replaced in worst controller ever designed: 5 pairs
times spent tearing up the house like a fiend and invading the privacy of others in the house so that I could find batteries to feed my addiction: 2 times

Now that you know my faith is pure and my gaming is strong, let’s continue:

It seems like, in the effort to fix everything wrong with ME1, Bioware has turned around and ruined everything right with the original. The combat in ME2 is, without a doubt, a huge improvement. Everyone seems to be whining about how the thermal clip “ammo” situation doesn’t make sense when compared to the limitless ammo weapons from the first game. While I completely agree with that, the fact that I don’t have to suffer through numerous deaths because my gun keeps overheating makes the leap in believing technology would regress absolutely worth while. Of course, the problem I had with the new system was that there never seemed to be enough clips floating around. The cover system is magic, despite how fucking slow Shepard is to get down from an open space. Even better then the cover system is the fact that my teammates actually feel like real people who show the value of their own lives by not blindly running into enemy fire and they shoot enemies with a sense of purpose. Being able to map my own abilities to buttons on the controller was also a god-send and did a lot to keep me in the action.

I think the main problem with this game has to do with the fact that it’s the shooter side of the perfectly-melded-shooter/rpg coin, and it is way too easy as a consequence. Since the rpg elements are so stripped down, it doesn’t seem like any advancement in weapons or abilities makes a huge difference. I am reasonably sure that I could have beaten this game with no upgrades or new weapons what so ever. For weapons, I only found 1 submachine gun that had a hugely noticeable difference right off the bat. The fact that you don’t get to load up specific weapons with specific perks makes the ability to choose between multiple weapons of the same type absolutely pointless. If I can just augment any weapon with incendiary or cryo rounds on a whim, why would I ever pick the weaker of two guns? Bioware doesn’t need to save face for stripping away rpg elements by pretending to give me a choice. The leveling of abilities is similarly hindered in that advancement is only really noticeable when an ability is maxed out. Even then, it seems to hardly make a difference. So, you basically start out with the best shit in the game. The only variable is your ability to play. So, anyone who is halfway decent at shooters, like myself, can steamroll through anything when you’ve got the best guns pointed at pretty weak enemies.

_{“Think it takes more than 40 thermal clips to take down a mech? You’d be surprised.”}

These problems are bad enough to hurt some of the things that ME2 does right. The scan/probe mini-game kinda sucked, but was a vast improvement from aimlessly driving around in the maco. The thing is, I could have handled the slow scanning process if my upgrades felt like they actually did something. I always had more than enough credits to buy endless probes, which totally undermines the scanning process. I could just send a probe out on a whim instead of really hunting for high concentrations of elements and it wouldn’t have mattered, because of all the fucking money I had. There is zero excuse for making me by fuel. How come it costs fuel to travel between systems in a cluster, but not planets within a system? You could probably write it off by saying some bullshit like “interplanetary travel only uses a minute amount of fuel while travel within a cluster uses considerable fuel,” but come on. There’s no consequence to flying around like an asshole and losing fuel because you’ll just FTL jump to the nearest fuel depot. Why am I not FTL jumping everywhere then, you asses? That’s pretty much what happened in the first game, right? Plus, the fuel is just a nuisance because of the previously mentioned fat stack of credits that “David Maydoney” Shepard has in his cabin.

_{“Hail the Normandy, Cerberus gave me a brand new whip. Take it past Omega 4, gonna board me a Collector’s ship”}

As for the characters and story, ME2 does a great job of making every character charming in one way or another. Everyone’s got a really interesting backstory and I found myself trying to get through missions quickly so I could get back on the Normandy to talk to people. Even supplementary characters are entirely interesting and do a great job of showing the other side of what ever dilemma you’re dealing with. So, any decision, especially those that could be potentially fatal to the beloved crew, was wonderfully difficult.

Unfortunately, the fact that the game is too easy and too stripped away of its rpg origins goes so far as to adversely effect the characters and the story. Starting with the characters, Shepard builds a wonderfully large and diverse team for his suicide mission. Each member represents a different combo of skills and weapons so that they’re totally unlike anyone else in the team. This should mean that planning a mission involves taking a close look at who is best suited to help me out, but because the game is so easy, you can pick anyone in the game and come out of a mission without having any difficulties. One of my biggest complaints of ME1 was that out of a team of 6 people, I stuck with 3 characters for all my missions. ME2 gives you a squad of 11 to choose from. Unless the game made me take a specific person, I always took the two people I wanted to have sex with the most (Miranda and Jack, because chicks that are bitchy and/or crazy do it for me). At least in ME1, I was making use of half the squad, rather than ME2’s 18%. Story issues will be more in depth at the end of this article for those of you looking to avoid spoilers. Suffice it to say that the entire mission is burdened with the weight of a suicide mission that doesn’t really exist because of the game’s incredible easy to kill villains.

Fortunately, any flaw in the game is pretty much erased by the fact that your decisions do come with tangible consequences. My house’s xbox lives in the living room, which makes playing Mass Effect an event for the entire house. So, as I was playing ME2, there was an enormous amount of the three of us in my house standing up off the couch and holding each other while saying, “Oh my god!? Is that really *person from the first game*?! It is!!!” Seeing all the little decisions I made coming back to effect the story was so amazing and totally worth enduring an otherwise simply alright game. I’m not normally one to play a game through again after beating it, but I absolutely cannot wait to play this game with totally different decisions. As for the future, I cannot wait to see how all the decisions I’ve made up till now affect the fate of humanity as we know it in Mass Effect 3. I pray the enkindlers will grant bioware the speed and diligence to deliver the finale in less than 3 years. More than that, I hope that bioware can do the seemingly impossible and get the perfectly balanced shooter/rpg coin to land on its side. We’ve seen both sides with the first two games and we’re fully ready to take this coin, toss it into the machine, and save humanity once and for all.

—beware! spoilers ahead!—

As previously mentioned, the story suffers because of the game’s ease. Shepard is on a suicide mission and at no time did I feel that kind of weight. Having fought the collectors several times before the final battle, you know that’s just going to be more of the same. Plus, the final battle is so unremarkable from the rest of the game. I spent like 35 hours gathering my team to dive head first towards death, and I take them to a routine shoot out that ends with a boss fight comparable to the thresher maw that I took down with Grunt. What the fuck, dudes? My game time rounded out at 40 hours, but that entire last bit could not have taken me more than 20 minutes. All of the side missions were entirely more complicated and interesting than this ending. The 11 member crew seems like such a weird way to have gone with this story. Why not give me a smaller but more elite crew, give me half the game to connect with them, and then send us on a hellish mission where pretty much everyone but Shepard and his baby (Miranda or Jack, for me) die. That would have been a hell of a lot more compelling than the story we got. Seriously though, they spent so much time jocking that this was a suicide mission, and there’s a fucking achievement for getting everyone out alive. I remember hearing that Shepard could die for real in the ads for the game. That gave everything a sense of drama, until I foolishly explored my captain’s quarters and saw this achievement. Great. So, not only do I now know that Shepard probably wont die, I learn that it’s possible for everyone else to not die. Fantastic. Happy endings are totally super dramatic.

I mean, this is pretty much the dirty dozen in space, right? Weren’t most of the dirty dozen killed by sniper fire in the final act of the movie? If you’re going to rip off something great, you might as well go all the way, you know what I mean? It kind of sucks that I’ll be able to go into Mass Effect 3 with a Shepard that is fully confident in his ability to pull of the impossible without consequence, since he’s pretty much done it twice already. Being able to pull off a suicide mission without anyone dying elevates Shepard from someone with that “special something” to an absolute god. Considering the back story of my particular instance of “blank” Shepard, it doesn’t even make sense. If I can take an entire collector’s ship without a problem, why did 3/4ths of my crew die in the ruthless Torfan backstory? Surely, if I can easily defeat the greatest threat to mankind, I could have easily beat several squads worth of Batarians (hell, I did it without a problem for a good chunk of ME2). At least, in the first game, we’re forced to make a decision to send one crew member to their death. That had weight. ME2 takes the cheap way out. Since they’re doing that, then ME3’s gotta be a 40+ hour ball-punching session that has almost everyone you love die in your arms while you just barely save the entire galaxy in order to really work as a successful story.

There was no shortage whatsoever of great videogames this decade, to the extent that some fan-favorites didn’t even make our lists. Did your favorites make Jake 108, William Bibbiani or Ivan Kander’s lists, or will you discover some overlooked and forgotten gems to add to your Gamefly queue? Find out in Geekscape’s Best Videogames of the Decade…

…pretty much right about now.

——- JAKE 108 ——-

BEST VIDEOGAMES OF THE DECADE

Halo 2

Don’t get me wrong, Halo: CE brought a lot to the table, but Halo 2 brought more. With the installation of ‘matchmaking’ into Xbox Live, Halo 2 was a force among video games. It’s multiplayer was in a league of its own, and that’s just the multiplayer. Halo 2’s campaign also went deeper into Halo’s story and ended with a perfect cliffhanger.

Knights of the Old Republic

Where should I even begin with this? This was the game that helped you cope with the prequels AND made you feel like a Jedi or Sith. Knights of the Old Republic was fitted with believable characters, great gameplay, and a surprising twist that multiplied it’s awesomeness 10-fold.

Mass Effect

Another Bioware classic. Mass Effect explores an original story with characters you’ll eventually have an emotional connection with because of the decision making system built into Mass Effect. By the end of the game, you WILL be satisfied.

Bioshock

Bioshock fulfilled it’s duty by creeping all of us out. In the underwater city of Rapture you’ll find yourself scavenging for weapons, Eve, and yourself. As if mad scientists weren’t enough, Big Daddies will get the better of you.

Portal

Valve hit one out of the park when they put Portal into The Orange Box. Portal was responsible for a the widely known internet meme “The cake is a lie.” Besides it’s popularity, the game wow’d gamers with it’s simple controls yet puzzling challenges. If you haven’t got it already, buy it off steam or download it off the Xbox Live Arcade, or you can just The Orange Box.

Star Wars: Battlefront

Surprised? Don’t be. This was Pandemic’s first and last great game. It’s sad to say, but it’s the truth. What’s most notable in SWBF is the mixture of ariel and ground combat. I have great memories on the platforms of Bespin and the swamps of Kashyyyk. If you don’t have it, get it. And yes, it aged well.

Left 4 Dead 2

The Left 4 Dead series was made for zombie lovers. Nothing gets better than going through cities, hospitals, carnivals, and ever neighborhoods with 3 of your friends. Left 4 Dead 2 is on this list because it brought in a slew of new weapons, infected, modes, and awesome.

GTA IV

I still have flashbacks of running other gamers over with my car or shooting helicopters out of the air. Liberty City became a gamer’s playground when GTA IV was released. It had one hell of a story, a timeless multiplayer experience, and some of the best DLC.

CoD 4

By the time Call of Duty 4 was released, the series was already in full swing. The groups over at Activision and Infinity Ward made the right choice in stepping into modern warfare. This FPS set the bar for years to come.

Batman: Arkham Asylum

This game has won the hearts of many gamers. With all the Hulk games, Spider-Man games, and X-Men games, none did the genre better than Batman: Arkham Asylum. Pick this game up, and you’ll get your money’s worth.

——- WILLIAM BIBBIANI ——-

BEST VIDEOGAMES OF THE DECADE

1. The Orange Box

Never before has so much bang been given for such a reasonable buck. For the cost of an average game, the consumer received Half-Life 2 (already one of the best games of the decade), Half Life 2 Episodes 1 & 2 (gravy, but particularly good gravy), Team Fortress 2 (one of the best multiplayer experiences of the decade), and Portal… quite simply the best game of the decade. Even if you already owned Half-Life 2, this is one double-dip no one could pass up, and certainly no one regretted.

2. Katamari Damacy

The decade’s most lunatic idea: a flamboyant God gets drunk, destroys all the stars in the universe, and guilt trips his microscopic son into rolling up everything on Earth into balls of, well, lots of stuff, in order to replace the heavenly bodies. Endlessly replayable and possessing the decade’s best videogame soundtrack, Katamari Damacy elicits giddy glee and cries of “Why God?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!” at the same time.

3. Psychonauts

There is nothing more to be said about the decade’s best videogame storytelling. If you haven’t played Psychonauts, you are dead to me.

4. Left 4 Dead

The difference between videogames and movies, fundamentally, are that videogames focus on the individual experience of the player. You may empathize with survivors of the zombie apocalypse in Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, or what have you, but in Left 4 Dead, for the first time, you actually survived a zombie apocalypse. And you kept coming back for more.

5. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

The decade’s best platformer, with (at the time) stunning graphics, perfect control scheme and exceptional story that might… just might… make the first great videogame movie.

6. Rock Band

Guitar Hero came first and to be fair was, and still is, a great franchise, but Rock Band defined the music “kinda-sorta simulation” genre with all the necessary instruments (keyboards are still sorely missed, but that’s across the board), a great soundtrack and strong customization that Rock Band 2 only improved on.

7. Red Dead Revolver

This wildly inventive, action-packed game from the makers of Grand Theft Auto offered delirious spectacles based on the most bizarre Spaghetti westerns you’ve probably never even heard of. With an innovative quickdraw game mechanic and the decade’s second best videogame soundtrack (even if most of it was directly lifted from the aforementioned films), Red Dead Revolver deserves to be rediscovered as its eagerly anticipated sequel, Red Dead Redemption, finally hits stores in 2010.

8. Shadow of the Colossus

Screw God of War… Shadow of the Colossus was the best epic videogame of the decade, and yet, somehow, its finest moments are those of absolute subtlety. An incredible achievement that perhaps only videogames are capable of.

9. Spider-Man 2

Batman: Arkham Asylum is a better game, but when all was said I done I didn’t spend countless hours after the end of gameplay simply travelling around Gotham because the controls were so effortless and perfect. Spider-Man 2 may not have had the best single-player campaign, but its oft-copied but never improved web-swinging mechanics was some of the happiest wish-fulfillment in videogame history.

10. War of the Monsters

The best fighting game of the decade was this under-the-radar 3D fighter in which giant monsters from the King Kong to the Godzilla to even the Red Ronin variety beat the living hell from each other in various cities throughout the globe. With impressive gameplay variety and exceptional use of the environment (impale your enemies on radio towers, or throw a car at a nearby UFO to cause a tidal wave that destroys the entire playing field), War of the Monsters stood head and shoulders above the impressive competition.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Assassin’s Creed 2, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Bioshock, Boom Blox, Braid, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, Champions of Norrath, Fallout 3, Halo: Combat Evolved, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, Professor Layton and the Curious Village

BEST VIDEOGAME MOMENT OF THE DECADE

“Would you kindly…?” – Bioshock

Spoiler warning, although if you haven’t played Bioshock by now there’s a good chance you never will. For over half of the exceptional videogame Bioshock you, the player, are asked if you would kindly perform certain tasks in order to achieve your goals at the behest of a friendly NPC. Then, you enter a room, where “Would you kindly?” is written all over the walls, and you realize you’ve been hearing the same phrase over and over again for hours. The most common of game mechanics – blindly pursuing goals just because the videogame says you should – takes a sudden, sadistic and brilliant turn as you realize you, and the protagonist of the game, have no free will whatsoever. The best is saved for the last, because after you’ve freed your mind an NPC still gives you orders and you blindly follow them without question anyway, because now you want these bastards to suffer.

HONORABLE MENTION: “What the hell is the Flood?” – Halo: Combat Evolved

So you’re a space marine fighting aliens in interesting locales with awesome set pieces, graphics and music. So far so good, but not exactly mind-blowing. Then, you pick up some recorded footage from a dead soldier and realize that you have no idea what this game is really about. Of course the concept of “There’s an even greater threat” is hardly an innovative plot point, but the tone of the game shifts so quickly, and so elegantly, that even this old standard suddenly felt fresh again. When the Flood finally showed up, you ran for your God damned life. Admit it.

——- IVAN KANDER ——-

BEST VIDEOGAMES OF THE DECADE

1. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

An odd choice to be sure, but when everyone else was killing people in multi-person Halo death matches, I was busy traversing the whimsical environments of ancient Persia. Stunning to play, beautiful to look at, and filled with one of the best linear video game stories since…well..…ever, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time changed the way adventure games are played. That’s a good thing, people.

2. Braid (Changed the way I think of video games as an art form. Perhaps the most innovative game of the last 10 years)
3. Deus Ex
4. Half-Life 2
5. Bioshock
6. Beyond Good and Evil
7. Gears of War 2
8. God of War
9. Halo: Combat Evolved
10. World of Warcraft (I’ve actually never played it. But, it’s hard to deny this game’s impact on an industry. So, I included it. Sue me.)

WORST VIDEOGAMES OF THE DECADE

1. Sonic the Hedgehog (xBox 360)

I remember the days when the Sonic the Hedgehog was fun. Back in my youth—since I didn’t have a Sega Genesis—I’d sneak over to best friend Timmy’s house just to get my hands on a little anti-Nintendo contraband. I’d race my blue buddy through a series of rings and loops, pushing the power of blast processing to the limit. Oh, what fun I had. So, this begs the question: What the hell has happened? In 2006’s Sonic the Hedgehog that old school platforming joy of yore was replaced by one of the worst games of all time—ridiculous load times, horrendous graphics, terrible gameplay, and a human love interest! He’s a hedgehog for crying out a loud. The only people who find this game compelling are either five-year-old kids or furries.

2. Bad Boys 2: Miami Takedown
3. Kabuki Warriors (xBox)
4. Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing
5. The Guy Game
6. Blinx: The Time Sweeper
7. 50 Cent: Bulletproof
8. Drake of the 99 Dragons
9. The Bouncer (Came out in 2001. I checked.)
10. Metal Gear Solid 2 (Yeah, remember when this game made no sense. Me too…)

BEST FRANCHISE OF THE DECADE

1. Half Life

The folks over at Valve really out-did themselves with Half-Life. Although the first game was released in 1998, the subsequent follow-ups in the 2000s were mind-blowing to say the least. Hello gravity gun! Hello physics! The Half Life series is proof that a game should, above all, be well-designed. Just thinking about it, I have an urge to pick up a crowbar and beat the crap out of some headcrabs.

2. Call of Duty
3. Gears of War
4. Rock Band/Guitar Hero (lets face it folks…they’re essentially the same game)
5. Prince of Persia
6. Uncharted
7. Halo
8. Zelda
9. Grand Theft Auto
10. Splinter Cell

BEST CONSOLE OF THE DECADE

1. Xbox 360

I don’t normally buy into the “best console” debate. Good games are just that…good games, and it doesn’t really matter to me what platform you play them on.  That being said, since I’m being forced to list crap (people love lists after all), my vote goes to Mircrosoft’s Red-Ring of Death machine. Beyond having a solid library of games, it was the system that finally made the transition from plain ‘ole video game console to home entertainment machine—something other companies had been trying (and failing) to do for years. With the power of Xbox Live, online gaming became standard fare, I can stream HD movies at the press of a button, and also watch an entire line-up of DVD movies all with one machine. How’s that for synergy? Microsoft’s white box has delivered a solid experience, and for me, that’s far more important than any form of this motion-sensing-not-that-much-fun gimmickry that is currently all the rage.

2. PS2
3. Xbox
4. PS3
5. Sega Dreamcast
6. Game Boy Advance
7. Game Boy DS
8. Nintendo Will
9. Nintendo GameCube (it did have Wind Waker after all)
10. PSP

It was a decade of epic superhero action and little comics that could, in which uber-successful film adaptation failed to bring new readers to an increasingly impressive artistic medium. With artists like Geoff Johns, Brian K. Vaughan, Grant Morrison, Dan Slott, Frank Quitely, Pia Guerra, Darwyn Cooke and insert your favorite comic book creator here constantly expanding what the medium was capable of, it may have been difficult for the average reader to separate the wheat from the chaff. Luckily, William Bibbiani, Conner S. Che, Eric A. Diaz and Martin Scherer were keeping track, and now present their lists of the Best Comic Books of the Decade.

——- WILLIAM BIBBIANI ——-

BEST ONGOING SERIES OF THE DECADE

1. The Exterminators

This overlooked Vertigo series about a group of exterminators going about their daily duties, and trying to stop an upcoming apocalypse of mystical Egyptian scarabs, was the most unexpected surprise of the decade. Sure, it was a Vertigo book – itself generally a sign of quality – but it also had a cast of fully realized, constantly surprising characters, disgusting but expertly crafted stories, and ultimately the most inventive narrative in comics in the last ten years. Cancelled too soon, but mercifully available in trade, Exterminators was the best comic book you didn’t read.

2. Gotham Central

In retrospect, the most obvious concept in the world – a comic about the police force in Gotham City, Batman’s most consistent yet unexplored supporting characters – became an exercise in comics realism that was led to one of the most exciting superhero books. Ever.

3. Y: The Last Man

The freakishly clever concept, exceptional execution, and a steady stream of the best dialogue and cliffhangers imaginable, stumbled a bit in the last few years, but overall was the breakout hit comics needed to keep non-costumed funnybooks in the mainstream. If you ever meet someone who doesn’t like comic books, this is the book to give them.

4. Promethea

Alan Moore’s most original comic this past decade – let’s face it, he’s devoted most of his time to reinvigorating existing characters in one way or another – was about a living poem using the power of narrative to expand consciousnesses and, occasionally, even beat a bad guy. Whether reinventing the superhero genre or spending entire issues examining the mystical and social relevance of, say, sexual intercourse or a tarot deck, Promethea was the thinking man’s comic to beat.

5. Grant Morrison’s New X-Men

Comics’ most valuable franchise had grown stale well before Grant Morrison took over the series, but he gave it the shot in the arm it needed to not only sell comics like mad, but also make “Best of the Decade” lists. By taking mutants out of the ghetto and making them not an oppressed minority but a pop culture phenomenon, Morrison found a new way to make the X-Men genuinely important again. With the exception of Joss Whedon’s brief but exceptional run on Astonishing X-Men, it’s been all downhill from here.

6. Dan Slott’s She-Hulk

Dan Slott made it okay for funnybooks to be funny again with this brilliant series that returned She-Hulk to her legal roots and focused on endlessly clever concepts like using Comics Code-rated back issues as legal precedent, or Spider-Man finally suing J. Jonah Jameson for libel, all while finally empowering one of the most powerful women in comics.

7. 52

At 52 issues it’s hard to call this one-year wonder a mini-series. Geoff Johns’, Grant Morrison’s, Greg Rucka’s, Mark Waid’s and Keith Giffen’s book was one of the most compelling narratives in mainstream comics, and led to any number of memorable moments involving otherwise unappreciated characters like Renee Montoya, the Elongated Man, Booster Gold and, of course, Skeets. Unforgettable and, if recent history is any indication, apparently unrepeatable in its success at a weekly narrative.

8. Brian Michael Bendis’ and Ed Brubaker’s Daredevil

Brian Michael Bendis, I give you a lot of crap, but your run on Daredevil is worth every ounce of acclaim it gets. And somehow, God knows how, Ed Brubaker managed to continue that legacy of excellence with his follow-up run.

9. Geoff Johns’ Flash

Geoff Johns’ proved his mettle as the best superhero comics writer in – geez, possibly ever – with his legendary run on the Flash. Somehow, he turned snapping one’s fingers into one of the decade’s most incredible plot points. Twice.

10. Casanova

Matt Fraction’s mind-bending series about a secret agent replaced by an alternate reality version of himself was the densest 16-page book ever written. At a fraction (Matt Fraction) of the cost of a typical comic, you got twice the content and your expectations exceeded with every successive issue.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Astonishing X-Men, Avengers: Initiative, Invincible, Manhunter, Jeff Parker’s Marvel Age Avengers, Nova, Marvel Knights Spider-Man, Darwyn Cooke’s The Spirit, Mark Millar’s Ultimate Fantastic Four, Brian K. Vaughan’s Ultimate X-Men, The Walking Dead

BEST MINI-SERIES OF THE DECADE

1. The Earth X Trilogy

Somehow all but forgotten, Alex Ross’ and Jim Krueger’s revolutionary re-imagining of Marvel continuity set in the near future, when everyone on Earth mysteriously has superpowers, retconned all of Marvel continuity from every single series ever written and not only made it all make sense, but made it seem like it was planned from the beginning. Ever wonder how The Watcher can have an oath of non-interference and interfere, like, all the God damned time? Read the book. Ever wonder how every religion somehow coexists in the same universe with equal validity? Read the book. Ever wonder how good a superhero comic book mini-series can possibly be? Read Earth X, the best of the decade.

2. Scott Pilgrim

A six-issue mini-series that, admittedly, isn’t quite done yet, Scott Pilgrim’s innovative combination of manga, slice-of-life and even videogame storytelling has struck a chord with an entire generation of young people who feel like someone finally paid attention to the way life really feels. Hilarious, insightful, exciting and touching.

3. We3

Grant Morrison’s crowning achievement was this three-issue mini-series about a cat, a dog and a rabbit turned into weapons of war despite their contrary natures. Like a children’s book written by a disgruntled Vietnam vet, this may be the most emotional writing of Grant Morrison’s career.

4. All-Star Superman

Nothing more to be said: The Best Superman Book Ever Written, once again all thanks to the skilled pen of Grant Morrison, and the incredible art of Frank Quitely.

5. Arkham Asylum: Living Hell

Dan Slott is generally known as “the funny guy,” but there’s nothing silly about this insidious and dark tale of a white-collar criminal who gets himself declared criminally insane to avoid jail time, only to be sent to Arkham Asylum instead – a fate, he quickly learns, that is much, much worse. Dramatic, scary and brilliant – this may be the best Batman story of the decade, and Batman’s barely in it.

6. The Atheist

Phil Hester may be best known for his penciling, but his writing on this incredible mini-series about a mildly autistic government agent fighting Ben Franklin from beyond the grave proved him one of comics finest renaissance men. Combined with his work on other brilliant books like Deep Sleeper, Firebreather, and the much-lamented Golly!, this book made Phil Hester my favorite writer of the decade.

7. Formerly Known as the Justice League/I Can’t Believe It’s Not the Justice League

Keith Giffen, J. M. DeMatteis and Kevin Maguire revisited their well-received but often dismissed run on the Justice League with these two hilarious, and surprisingly dramatic, mini-series following their lovable losers before Infinite Crisis tore them apart piece by piece. And they were incredible accomplishments, featuring the writers’ funniest work and Kevin Maguire’s finest pencils (and for Kevin Maguire, that’s really saying something).

8. Green Lantern: Rebirth

We already take it for granted, but before Geoff Johns rewrote Green Lantern history with this unexpected mini-series, the whole thing was kind of stupid. The weakness to the color yellow had never been adequately explained, and Hal Jordan was still an unforgivable bastard after that whole “Parallax” thing. No more. This was the start of comics greatest resurgence of the decade.

9. Runaways

Brian K. Vaughan’s unusually original take on the superhero genre, in which a group of teenagers discover their parents are supervillains and respond not by donning masks and capes but by being rebellious teenagers, was the most interesting new Marvel book this decade.

10. Tag & Bink Are Dead

This hilarious and intelligent journey through both Star Wars trilogies followed Tag and Bink, two lovable losers who Forrest Gump their way through the entire trilogy. Those stormtroopers shooting the shit while Obi-Wan shut down the shield generators? That was them. Those stormtroopers who blew C-3PO to pieces in the Cloud City? Them too. The imperial guardsmen who inexplicably walk around the elevator rather than taking it at the climax of Return of the Jedi? Them too. They even fed Anakin those God awful pickup lines in Attack of the Clones back when they were Jedi younglings. The only Star Wars story of the decade that actually made the movies look better.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Adam Strange: Planet Heist, DC: New Frontier, Deadshot, Deep Sleeper, Hopeless Savages, The Hunter, Infinite Crisis, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Rawhide Kid: Slap Leather, Secret Six, Seven Soldiers, Spider-Man/Human Torch: I’m With Stupid, Tales Designed to Thrizzle, Union Jack, Wanted

BEST ONGOING SERIES OF THE DECADE

1. Y: The Last Man

It took me a very long time to pick up Y. Everybody was talking about it, telling me how great the book was but I resisted. I guess it premise sounded like a set up for a porno comic. It sounded like something that would be published in the pages of Heavy Metal. I am glad I finally did because it became one of my favorite books of all time. It sounds like a cliché but it made me laugh and it made me cry. It was a story that was crafted in such a way that it was completely immersive. You felt as if you went on the journey as a participant not an observer. If you get to the final pages and do not cry, you are a heartless bastard.

2. Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men
3. Transmetropolitan
4. Green Lantern
5. Ex Machina
6. Grant Morrison’s New X-men
7. The Ulitimates
8. Planetary
9. Action Comics
10. Fables

BEST MINI-SERIES OF THE DECADE

1. 52

Originally billed to us as a series that would fill the gap between Infinite Crisis and One Year Later, it thankfully became much, much more. It was a story that dealt with characters secondary to the Big Three, characters that not many people cared about. It goes to show that there are no bad characters only bad writers. Who would have thought that Booster Gold would be so fucking cool? It was a year of suspense, of mystery, of twisting story lines and suck as satisfying ending that it felt like a year long orgasm.

2. All Star Superman
3. Sinestro Corps War
4. Superman: Red Son
5. Wanted
6. Identity Crisis
7. Fray
8. 1602
9. Batman: What Ever Happened to the Caped Crusader
10. Infinite Crisis

BEST INDIVIDUAL ISSUE OF THE DECADE

Final Crisis: Requiem

Yes Final Crisis was pretty much a botched abortion but there were some captivating and interesting stories, namely Final Crisis: Requiem. This single issue tie-in to what was suppose to be a mega event was the strangely the best thing that happened, and it wasn’t even written by Grant Morrison. While Grant Morrison was off on some multidimensional drug trip, Greg Rucka decided to write a story people will actually feel something for. In the world of comics heroes die and ultimately, heroes are resurrected. We know this as a fact that in comics nobody dies forever but it didn’t matter. As a funeral issue for the Martian Manhunter  it is completely effective on making a reader mourn for a fallen hero. Even though that hero only existed in funny books.

——- ERIC A. DIAZ ——-

BEST ONGOING SERIES OF THE DECADE

1. Y The Last Man by Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra

I actually read this all in one giant chunk over the course of several weeks, so I guess I sort of cheated. This was a true achievement in comic book storytelling and what it can accomplish.

2. Green Lantern by Geoff Johns and various artists
3. New X-Men by Grant Morrison & Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon and John Cassaday
4. The Ultimates by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch
5. Ultimate Spider-Man by Brian Bendis and Mark Bagley

BEST MINI-SERIES OF THE DECADE

1. All Star Superman

Grant Morrison & Frank Quitely brought back Silver Age magic and goofiness to Superman without making it dumb, in fact, they made Superman comics smarter and more imaginative than ever. This might be the best Superman story ever told.

2. Identity Crisis by Brad Meltzer and Rags Morales
3. Civil War by Mark Millar and Steve McNiven
4. Green Lantern: Rebirth by Geoff Johns and Ethan Van Sciver
5. The New Frontier by Darwyn Cooke

BEST SINGLE ISSUE OF THE DECADE

This was a tough one, since I read hundreds if not thousands of single issues this decade. But right now, I’m leaning towards Action Comics #775 “Whatever Happened to Truth, Justice and the American Way” by Joe Kelly and Doug Mahnke. This one issue sums up why a character like Superman (and what he represents) is eternal, and so many of the “bad ass” heroes that comics readers love at the moment are actually really disposable.

——- MARTIN SCHERER ——-

BEST ONGOING SERIES OF THE DECADE

Asking me to pick a favorite series from the past ten years is like asking me to pick my favorite bastard child. There are too many for me to really choose. To be fair to this past decade though, I will try and keep this list to 2000-2008. For 2009 picks see the best of 2009 article.

There were a lot of good books that ended lengthy runs in this decade and a lot of other books quickly appeared and disappeared. In the past ten years we saw the ending of Transmetropolitan, Preacher, and arguably Ennis best work, Hitman.

We saw the end, and return of a Catwoman series. The second half of volume 2 went some interesting directions. Some dark, such as the killing of Black Mask, and others such as the Helena Kyle arc was as touching as it was sad. The whole Will Pfiefer is worth checking. Remember that name, Pfiefer, its one that you should keep an eye on.

We saw the return of the crime comic, and while people will praise Criminal till they are red in the face, they should be giving love to Gotham Central. How awesome was this series? The first half was co-written by Greg Rucka and Ed Brubaker. Think about that, the two of them working together on a series… it boggles the mind that this happened! In the first story arc we are shown a interesting picture of Gotham cops. They are in competition with Batman to solve cases before he does. They also have to deal with super-villains during the daylight hours. The whole idea of the police having an underlining animosity towards the Dark Knight, was a great angle.

In the past ten years, Marvel launched their MAX line with Alias, a great series that integrated itself smartly in to the history of the Marvel U. While the series was cancelled, Jessica Jones made the hop from foul mouth private detective to mother in New Avengers. Regardless how you feel about the current version of Jessica, you need to read this series. A lot of the seeds for things in the current New Avengers arcs started here.

My love of the Joe Casey era of WildCATS is already documented on this site, but I’ll mention it again – this is perhaps the best evolution of a generic superhero team ever. Casey asked the question, how do you change the world after it no longer needs saving? The answer, you go corporate and build a better battery.

DC doesn’t get enough credit for some of the experimentation they do. They continued to mature the Vertigo line, and tried their hand at a variety of monthly anthology books. The most impressive being SOLO, which for its 12 issues highlighted some of the best (and not necessarily big name) artists in comics by letting them do the work they want to do.

And the most underrated book of the decade, was H-E-R-O. This series written by Pfiefer and various artists ended after two years of a solid run. The central concept focused on the hero dial, a throw-away device from the silver age. As the series progressed we see how people use it, become addicted to it, and react to the consequences of their actions. Should have it gone longer? I don’t know – Pfiefer manage to craft such a strong ending to this series that I can’t imagine it having gone longer. If you wish you could see the TV series, HEROES done through the HBO/Showcase lens, then its worth hunting this series in the dollar bins.

BEST MINI-SERIES OF THE DECADE

The Question

They say that every serious comic collector has a period where they leave comics. Some leave in high school, others when they get caught by the unemployment lottery. Me? I made it through high school, but got caught by the ho before bro’s factor. Sadly I stopped buying comics in 2002, but like a recovering addict, I had trouble pulling myself completely out of the scene. I continued to read the reviews of The Fourth Rail and stay on top of the comic news via CBR. And when CBR started hyping a new Question mini-series I broke. I went to the first local shop I could find, and picked it up.

The art was pretty, the story was confusing and made such radical changes to the character that they were later just ignored (not even addressed, IGNORED) by anyone who wrote Vic Sage after. Despite this confusing mess of a mini, within a year, I would be buying comics regularly again. In a year and half, I was working part time at a comic shop, and blowing my pay check on making up for those lost years.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Hitman/JLA – Reminded us how great Hitman was.

Talent – Interesting concept (lone survivor of a plane crash has all the talents of those that died) with good art that never got its needed follow up mini.

Born/Fury – Two interesting minis by Ennis and Roberston. The first Born looks at the origin of Frank Castle, and the later, Fury, examines the last days of Nick Fury. Separate they are both fine books, together they create an interesting compliment to each other.

Civil War – The mini that changed everything in the Marvel Universe, and also the event they are slowly trying to ‘fix’ (Spider-man’s identity a secret again, Iron Man and Captain America resolving their issues…)

Punisher Welcome Back Frank – A fun romp that brought the Punisher franchise back from the edge of obscurity. Without this series, they would have been no Punisher movies this past decade – wait is that a good thing?

52 – DC did what many thought was impossible, and launched a 52 part weekly series, then followed it up with 2 more years of weekly books. While the later never reach the quality of 52, they showed the market would allow such books to exist. As a direct result, we now have an almost weekly Spider-Man book.

Escapists – A love letter to comics and its fandom. Even if you never read the Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, this story will remind you why you love comics.

Local – I had a lot of issues with this series – especially over the delays at the end. After sitting down and reading the collection, all my hate is gone. This book has a lot of strong elements through out the series that, like all good stories, can only be appreciated over time and readings.

BEST INDIVIDUAL ISSUE OF THE DECADE

A toss up between Batman 603 and Batman: Gotham Knights 32. Both of these issues are part of the Bruce Wayne Fugitive story. Don’t let that stop you from reading these though, they are only tied in by name. One of the ideas that went through this period of Batman comics was ‘what if Batman lost his way? These two issues show Batman getting his mojo back.

Batman 603

Originally written to be a Legends of the Dark Knight story is by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips, who would later gone on to create Sleeper and Criminal. In this tale Batman visits a dying cop friend (if you consider him to have any). During this talk, the cop challenges Batman to solve the one case he has never been able to crack, and by accepting this dying man’s wish, Batman turns the point in the story and decides its time to clean his name.

Gotham Knights 32

The main story by Devin Grayson is entitled 24/7 and its just that. It shows what a typical 24 hour period is for Bruce Wayne/Batman. Everything about this issue reminds me about why I love Batman, and makes me long for the day when we could have good done in one issues that re-affirms status quo.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Infinite Crisis 3 – When this came out, I clearly remember reading this issue first. After the revelation about who was the villain in the Crisis, I put down and was unable to read anymore of my by books that night. I knew nothing was going to top it, so why bother reading more.

New Avengers 26 – The ballad of Clint and Wanda. What a beautiful book. Both the story and art work to create a sense of mystery and wonder, and leaves us with a haunting ending that has never been followed up on. What was behind that door? And was has Clint never told the rest of the Avengers that he knows were Wanda is? These are questions I hope they answer one day, but for now I am content with the mystery of it all. This is one of the few issues I read every couple of years.

Cerebus 300 – He did it and completed it all on time. Sure it lost its footing in the last years and became a bible study, but Cerebus was always more about Sim life at the time, and not about the Aardvark.

Catwoman 72 – The ending of Catwoman: mother storyline.

Thunderbolts 110 – The first issue of the Ellis run had a lot of promise; Thunderbolts publicly seen as heroes to the point that they are selling toys. Sadly the promise in this issue is never followed up on in the rest of the series. This could have easily been the Sucide Squad for the new century.

Green Arrow/Black Canary 4 – Beautiful book, where story and art work together in perfection. This one of the view books I can remember having to re-read immediately after finishing it the first time.

Iron Fist 16 – A solid end to the Faction/Brubaker run. Danny Rand, the Iron Fist, realizes on his 30th birthday that no Fist has lived past 30.

Ethan Hawke began his film career in The Explorers, one of my favorite movies, and returns to genre film with his first real horror movie, Daybreakers, coming out this Friday. As he sits down in this three-piece suit he furrows his brow slightly, making all of us emotional reporter types swoon a little. Look for our review of the 2010’s first horror movie later this week, and until then tide yourselves over with this roundtable interview with The Immortal Hawke:

There’s Team Edward and Team Jacob, do you think we can get Team Ethan going?

Ethan Hawke: No, I think what’s good about this movie is that it’s first post-adolescent vampire movie in a long time. So I think we can hopefully avoid that.

Were those adolescent vampire movies already all the rage when you started working on Daybreakers?

Ethan Hawke: No. It’s kind of funny about that collective consciousness. I got the script when I was doing a Tom Stoppard play and it seemed like the most radically different and new thing at that moment in time. “You know, it’s time for a good vampire movie.” I had no awareness of any of this stuff, and it’s been fascinating to watch it all explode knowing I just finished making a vampire movie. But the truth is, you know that’s how it is with genre movies. Like the Western will explode and be in style for a little while, and then there will be too much Westerns and nobody will want to see one. I think what’s kind of valuable about this movie is the first joke we make… It’s an R-rated vampire movie. I remember being a kid and sleeping over at my friend’s house and staying up late. What was that Isabella Adjani…? Nosferatu! We stayed up late watching Nosferatu. Vampire movies are supposed to be secret and bad and should be rated R.

What attracted you to this film. The Spierig Brothers wrote the film with you in mind, but rumor has it that you weren’t initially too enamored with them…

Ethan Hawke: The truth is that I had been sent the script and the script came with the DVD of The Undead (the Spierig Brothers’ first film), and I didn’t read the script. I popped in The Undead and watched about ten minutes of it, and I was like, “That movie sucks.” (Laughter.) Then it was some holiday or something and my brothers were in town, and they started watching it in the middle of the night and they just started howling with laughter. And I came downstairs and I started watching the whole movie with them and I got it. I didn’t get the sense of humor of that movie, and I had kind of forgotten the sense of humor of this genre, and what’s possible inside the genre. It got me thinking about when I first started acting with Joe Dante, and he had just made The Howling and Piranha and Gremlins, and he had a real passion for these movies and really taught me about them.

And so then I read the script, and when I read the script [I realized] that there’s… the best of what this genre has to offer. First of all it’s original. It’s not based on a graphic novel, or some 60’s TV show or comic book that came out nine years ago. It has real originality, and I think the best genre movies have a metaphor or analogy at work in the subtext of them. And this idea of people destroying all their resources and not caring until they were all gone is really powerful. It really fuels the way the Sci-Fi element of it works. So by the time I met them I was really impressed. When you meet them they have that kind of irrepressible curiosity and love of movies that I think is required if you’re going to make a good film.

What would you say is the prevalent message of Daybreakers?

Ethan Hawke: I think that when an analogy is really singing, it’s what you want it to be. I made a joke that this could be the number one movie for PETA advocates. It could be a huge animal rights champion film. And in another way, oil is the most obvious one. Sucking the blood dry. There’s a great Neil Young songs years ago, The Vampire Blues… This idea that we’re literally sucking the earth dry. The idea of oil as the Earth’s blood was not started with this movie. But the movie wouldn’t be good at all if that was the only thing interesting about it. The movie works as a badass genre movie. It just happens to have something else at play. You know, Gattaca was a similar way too. It was just a basic sci-fi movie, but there was obviously all these themes at work underneath it.

Was this a particularly demanding role for you, physically or…?

Ethan Hawke: There was nothing demanding about this role at all except how much I didn’t want to make a bad genre. I personally, as someone who has never done this kind of movie, that was part of the appeal… I didn’t want to make a bad one. I thought it would be really fun if we could do it really well… The challenge of this movie is invariably you don’t have enough money to make the movie of these guys’ dreams. These guys, they want to be James Cameron someday and make all their dreams come true… I’ve had a lot of experience in independent film and how to choose… You’ve got to be very discerning about where to put your five bucks, and where you cut, what you don’t cut. And one of the things that separates a good genre movie from a bad genre movie, I always think, ironically, is when you care about the people. The dime-a-dozen ones are where you don’t have any awareness of the character.

You take the first Blade film: Kris Kristofferson is great in that movie. You’re really sad when he gets killed. It’s hard to do that. The best example is Han Solo, you fall in love with these characters. And I’m not saying that we achieved that, but the good John Carpenter movies for example. Kurt Russell in The Thing is great. There’s something appealing about the people. That’s what’s difficult about it. I’ve done movies that are physically grueling. This is not one of them. I watched Apocalypto the other day, I couldn’t imagine. That guy must have ran for like, a year. Every time runs through the brush, the actor in me goes, “All right, that hurt.”

You’re doing theatre and writing now, and you’ve been at this a long time. Are you still passionate about filmmaking?

Ethan Hawke: That element comes into it. Part of the appeal of this movie was, “These guys really wanted me, for some reason?” And that caught my curiosity. Why in the world? Once you have an kind of quote, unquote “celebrity” or notoriety, often they just want you to be in their movie… ANY names that are just on that sheet of paper that somebody gave them. I was curious why. I like doing things that are different, and at the same time we all have what interests us, you know? The fact that these guys were so smart and so creative, I knew that they didn’t just want to make a blood and guts movie. The history, the real language of cinema has very affected by people like the Spierig Brothers, the genre filmmaking, whether it’s in Shanghai or whether it’s in Mexico, so… I know that’s not really your question…

I don’t really care about the genre so much as long as the people really care. It’s weird, I did these things back-to-back. I worked with a guy who was 70 years old, Tom Stoppard, who was just writing this nine hour play, and his passion for what was possible in the medium of the performing arts is contagious and thrilling. And then I was working these guys and it was their second movie, their first big budget movie… they were like 29 years old when I first met them, I don’t know how old they were but they were young, younger than me, and their passion was contagious. And it was a different kind, but that’s thrilling, you know? To be in a room with Richard Linklater and listen to him break down the history of cinema, and how the language of… He’s really interested in the whole international language of cinema. It’s excited to be near. I’m turning 40 this year, and the people that I know who are 60 and still really passionate and excited about filmmaking are all really good. There’s a whole other room to get to. A lot of people burn out but if you can sustain it and get into the next room… It’s fascinating. Some people burn out, some people, Clint Eastwood was a wild, international movie star in his 30’s and he’s doing the best work of his life now! Go figure!

You did another movie right after Daybreakers, didn’t you?

Ethan Hawke: Brooklyn’s Finest.

That’s another cop drama?

Ethan Hawke: With Antoine Fuqua, who did Training Day.

So not only is it a genre you’re familiar with but a director you’re familiar with.

Ethan Hawke: The thing about the cop thing that I like is that it’s one of the rare opportunities… If you’re a dramatic actor, they’re not making that many “regular” dramas. Movies have to have some other thing going on. The nice thing about the cop genre is that it’s regular people, so you get to deal with real people who eat at restaurants and… I like that genre for that reason, because you get to play characters who are recognizable human beings and I enjoy that the most.

Training Day is such a staple now, do you feel that kind of legacy hanging over you with Brooklyn’s Finest?

Ethan Hawke:  It doesn’t matter. When you do Before Sunset you know, that while it’s a limited audience, there is a small group of people that love Before Sunrise, and you feel a certain pressure to make sure that you uphold the level of quality that has been… You set a bar and you have to at least match it. This movie, Brooklyn’s Finest, is different than Training Day. It’s not the same kind of a movie, but it’s a great double feature with Training Day. There’s no doubt in my mind that someday Antoine Fuqua will be at a film festival and they will do a double feature of these two movies. It’s East Coast/West Coast. Antoine loves these people and these characters. It’s what he really excels at.

How do you feel about turning 40?

Ethan Hawke: It beats not turning 40. (Laughter.) That’s the only way to look at it, don’t you think? You know, as an actor, the Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away. This is a medium that is largely youth-oriented, and yet at the same time I’m playing characters that are so much more appealing to me now than when I was younger. Playing the guileless ingénue was… I longed for a part that was as interesting as the one in Brooklyn’s Finest, or the one in Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, or to get to play an adult role is really exciting. The downsides are that you’re not as pretty and they don’t want you to kiss people as much. (Laughter.) The upside is that I get to do the kind of work I always dreamed of doing.

Are you writing anything right now?

Ethan Hawke: I always try to.

It’s tough, isn’t it?

Ethan Hawke: (Laughs.) Yeah! You know the older you get, the more expect from yourself, somehow? I used to be like, if I wrote ten pages, I’d be like, “You guys should all read this! I did it, can you believe it!” And then you get older, and it’s “Eh…!”

I’m sorry, but we’re far too busy listening to the amazing tunes Noel Nocciolo, Nar Williams and William Bibbiani have put on their Best Music of the Decade lists to write a proper introduction.

…

…

…Oh man, can you hear that bass line… ?!

——- NOEL NOCCIOLO’S BEST ALBUMS OF THE DECADE ——-

Judging art is both painstaking and ridiculous, in a way.  It is like the comparison of pineapples to mangos, to Fuji apples, to kiwi.  In the end, you have a big fruit salad.  Kind of like this list, which caused me to have a few spats with my boyfriend, who I’m sure will be a little more than irritated that I’ve left off Daft Punks’ Discovery.  It’s such a shame that we have so many talented people making music these days, both recognized and unrecognized in the mainstream; it would just be easier if we wanted to recognize mediocrity.

My criteria is simple:  the album had to be excellent from start to finish.  No weak middle, not heavy on the first half, just start-to-finish GREAT…and you must feel something while you listen.  My apologies to Arcade Fire, Amy Winehouse, My Morning Jacket and OutKast; you fell into one or the other.

In crafting this list, I specifically chose to leave off pertinent artists.  In doing so, I’m listing a few VERY honorable mentions for the decade; albums cut by artists who put out some of the best records of the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s: 

Bob Dylan’s gorgeous Modern Times, 2006.

Paul McCartney’s Chaos And Creation In The Backyard, 2005, produced by Nigel Godrich, who had a hand in 3 of the albums that made my list.

Fleetwood Mac’s (minus Christine McVie) Say You Will, 2003. 

Neil Young’s bluegrass opus, Prairie Wind, 2005.

2002 saw Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band’s The Rising, which was the groups’ first album in eighteen years, and the final product was well worth the wait. 

We waited even longer for Brian Wilson’s lost opus, Smile, which saw the light of day in 2004. Madness?  Genius?  Both.

I vacillated between the inclusion of the idea of “everything old is new again,” with George and Gilles Martin’s new mixes and mashups of some of the most recognizable Beatles cuts, which provides the soundtrack to LOVE by Cirque du Soleil. The material is old, but the sound is new, and it was released in 2006.  I kicked it off at the last minute in order to make room for artists who helped define the music of the last ten years.
So without further explanation or qualification of intention, here is my list.  Love me or hate me, let’s go.  (Oh, and big thanks to Andrew and Coleman for both being helpful and being really annoying during the list-crafting.

1. Wilco, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, 2001.

Before 2001, Wilco released three albums: A.M. in 1995, a double-disc, (1996’s Being There) and an album that could arguably be called a pop-rock record, (1999’s Summerteeth).  In 2001, their lives changed for the better, for the richer, for the more interesting; and all of a sudden, (well, actually, it wasn’t sudden, but that story has been told and retold enough) we have Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.  It was a risky leap, but one that took a group with all the talent and chops in the world, forward; and changed the business aspect of the music business.

2. Dr. Dog, We All Belong, 2007.

Dr. Dog is what happens when the brilliant spirits of The Beach Boys, The Band and The Beatles are channeled and recorded for a new generation of on analog tape by a couple of dudes from Philadelphia.  We All Belong is everything that is good and right with music.

3. Wilco, A Ghost Is Born, 2004

If the chicken came before the egg, then the chicken is Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, and Ghost is the egg.  The cover of the album is appropriately a big white egg, which is probably why I felt compared to share that random musing.  They go hand in hand, these two.  By crafting Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, they were then able to put to music what a panic attack sounds like, and still retain a few country-influenced tracks, experimental rock and roll and piano pop, with a side of strings.  And therein is the Ghost.

4. Radiohead, Kid A/Amnesiac, 2000, 2001.

About thirty songs were tracked for Kid A.  This album duo could have been released together, but they didn’t want a double album, so they kept a portion of the material and released it as Amnesiac.  Radiohead’s fourth/fifth albums cracked open an experimental, artsy, weird, whatever egg, and influenced the next generation to let their freak flags fly.  Also, one of my best friends used to make out on a regular basis to these two in college.  I, on the other hand, listen to them when wanting to drift to sleep on an airplane.  Do with that what you will.

5. Beck, Sea Change, 2002.

One of the most depressing, and yet oddly uplifting, albums I know.  Precipitated by the breakup with a girlfriend, Beck took a leap outside of his norm, and this is what came out.

6. The White Stripes, Elephant, 2003.

This is where I admit that I didn’t jump on The White Stripes train with the rest of the world.  However, I think that Jack White is one of the greatest musical minds to come out of the decade, and Elephant was the marked start of everything great that came after, be it The Raconteurs, The Dead Weather, the production and guitars on Loretta Lynn’s Van Lear Rose, the soundtrack contributions to Cold Mountain, and the last two albums from The White Stripes.

7. Dixie Chicks, Taking The Long Way, 2006

Love them or hate them for shedding the pretense and being who they truly are, the Chicks put out an album that was equal parts beautiful songwriting and instrumental craftsmanship and middle fingers in the air, both to George W. Bush and the faction of the country who hate based on a five-second sound-bite.  The revamped girls from Texas proved that they were worthy of the hype associated with their first four albums; co-wrote every track, and sang from their souls in every song.

8. The Flaming Lips, At War With The Mystics, 2006

I could have easily listed 2002’s Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots in the number eight spot, but I think this is actually a musical and lyrical step up, though in the same psychedelic-confetti-filled-animal-costumed-vein.  Wayne Coyne and Company get downright sardonic at times, almost like a big middle finger wrapped up in a pretty pink taffeta bow.

9. Jay-Z, The Black Album, 2003

What was initially billed as Jay-Z’s last studio album, this saw the fingerprints of every pertinent rap producer, and DJ Danger Mouse’ unauthorized mash-up album with The Beatles’ White Album.  I got 99 problems…

10. Rilo Kiley, More Adventurous, 2004.

There is magic found herein, from start to finish.  Lush and poppy, twangy country, rock and roll riffs, tongue in cheek, serious stories.  It is a mini-adventure I always enjoy taking.

——- NAR WILLIAMS’ BEST ALBUMS OF THE DECADE ——-

1. Bjork, Vespertine, 2001.

The Icelandic genius has made a career of delighting me with creative ways to form beat, melody, and lyric into music that sounds of another world altogether, and I think Vespertine is the pinnacle of her ongoing experiment.  It’s a folktronica album that utilizes audio samples by Matmos, harps, music boxes, choirs, and of course Bjork’s striking vocals to create an intimate, dreamlike experience that has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. Quite simply, I think it’s the most beautiful record ever made.

2. Radiohead, Kid A & In Rainbows, 2000, 2001. (Because it’s impossible for me to pick one over the other.)

3. Wilco, A Ghost is Born, 2004. (I prefer this follow up to their critical darling Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.)

4. Boards of Canada, Geogaddi, 2002. (Best electronica of the 00s came from these guys.)

5. Fleet Foxes, Fleet Foxes, 2008. (Best folk rock harmonies since Crosby, Stills, and Nash.)

6. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, 2005. (Wailing vocals, melodic synths, and galloping guitars. What’s not to like?)

7. Marumari, Pathscrubber, 2005. (Relatively obscure electronica artist’s final record, a brilliant musician.)

8. The Strokes, Is this It?, 2001. (Scruffy retro garage pop at it’s best.)

9. Tunng, Mother’s Daughter and Other Songs, 2005. (A British folktronica gem.)

10. Sun Kil Moon, Ghosts of the Great Highway, 2003. (Dark, brooding, country rock.)

——- WILLIAM BIBBIANI’S BEST SONGS OF THE DECADE ——-

1. Hope There’s Someone, Antony & The Johnsons, 2004.

Made me cry. All I’m saying.

2. Still Alive, Jonathan Coulton, 2007.

Not only is it a great song, but coming at the end of the decade’s finest videogames it sticks with the listener because it feels like we really earned it.

3. Stan, Eminem, 2000.

There weren’t many great ballads this decade, but the winner was clearly this early favorite about the downfall of a troubled hip hop enthusiast, and the object of his affection, superstar Eminem, who at the end of the song finally sits down to write a heartfelt reply only to remember upon completing it that the recipient is dead, which is actually kind of funny if you think about it, but hey, still sad.

4. Heavyweight Champion of the World, Reverend & The Makers, 2007.

One of those rare catchy songs that’s about something interesting: making compromises for temporary convenience that ultimately sacrifice spiritual fulfillment. It’s not often that you find yourself chanting “Just be like everybody else” and feeling good about it.

5. 1234, Feist, 2007.

Another freakishly catchy song, albeit with a less interesting subject. Sweet and heartwarming, even if I will probably always associate it with an ipod commercial.

6. Paper Planes, M.I.A., 2008.

Although the trailer from Pineapple Express made it famous, the endlessly listenable nature of the song made it a classic.

7. I Can’t Decide, Scissor Sisters, 2006.

As kooky as it is malevolent. One of the happiest miserable songs ever made.

8. Hot N Cold (Simlish), Katy Perry, 2008.

Katy Perry’s bubblegum pop numbers always benefitted from a bit of tongue, firmly planted in cheek that is, but this version of the single from the Sims 2: Apartment Life soundtrack, with lyrics translated into utter nonsense, tops them all. As bizarre as it is joyous.

9. Down with the Sickness, Richard Cheese, 2002.

The only cover I’d allow myself on the list (although Gin & Juice by The Gourds belongs right up there as well), Richard Cheese’s brilliant lounge version of one of the decade’s most generic metal songs elevated both genres to new heights.

10. Hit in the USA, The Beat Crusaders, 2004.

The theme song from the merely decent anime series Beck: Mongolian Chop Squad was easily one of the catchiest rock tunes of the decade.

——- WILLIAM BIBBIANI’S BEST INDIE SONGS OF THE DECADE ——-

Giving credit to my two favorite indie bands in Los Angeles:

Her Name Isn’t Alice, Swordfights

All of Swordfights’ songs are great, but Her Name Isn’t Alice, about a guy much like yourself debating whether or not to talk to a pretty girl across the room, whose name may or may not be Alice, was one of my favorite songs of the decade. She’s So Dangerous comes a close second.

http://www.myspace.com/swordfights

Bloody Hands, Torches in Trees

Previously called The Siamese Guns, Torches in Trees’ exceptional song about… well, I’m not sure, actually… is nevertheless inventive, propulsive and unforgettable.

http://www.myspace.com/torchesintrees

——- WILLIAM BIBBIANI’S BEST ALBUMS OF THE DECADE ——-

1. Trapped in the Closet, R. Kelly, 2005.

The decade’s weirdest story, and in many ways creepiest album. Brilliant in its unbridled vanity.

2. Gorillaz, Gorillaz, 2001.

Try not bobbing that head. I dare you.

3. Volume 1, She & Him, 2008.

Zooey Deschanel was the one actor this decade who actually managed to put out a great album. Like a young Loretta Lynn, Deschanel belts out the best retro tunes I’ve heard in, well, at least ten years. Not a sour note in the whole bunch.

4. She Wants Revenge, She Wants Revenge, 2006.

The decade’s second-creepiest album included danceable, unforgettable and outright bangin‘ songs about stuff like… doing your SISTER?!

5. Roadkillovercoat, Busdriver, 2007.

For lyrical prowess, no one beat Busdriver this decade. Listen and learn.

6. Look Into the Eyeball, David Byrne, 2001.

Maybe Byrne’s best album, and I consider Byrne my favorite musician, possibly ever. U.B. Jesus, Desconocido Soy, Like Humans Do, Broken Things… every song on this album is a classic.

7. Tenacious D, Tenacious D, 2001.

The decade’s funniest album (although Flight of the Conchords came close… twice) also featured some stellar music from Jack Black and Kyle Gass.

8. Folk Uke, Folk Uke, 2005.

The funniest, and therefore best, folk music this decade came from Cathy Guthrie and Amy Nelson (Arlo and Willie’s daughters), in this infectious album featuring such instant classics as “Shit Makes the Flowers Grow” and “Motherfucker Got Fucked Up.”

9. Radiodread, Easy Star All-Stars, 2006.

Radiohead put out some great albums this decade, but this reggae and ska re-imagining of Paranoid Android only made me rediscover their earlier brilliance. Perfect party music.

10. Klein Bietje Wyn, Len Ashton, 2000.

Don’t ask how I discovered this, but this album – mostly in Afrikaans – is one of the weirdest but most joyful albums you’ll ever hear. “I’ve got a never-ending love for you-ou…! That’s all I really want to do…!”

The last decade almost spelled catastrophe for the televised medium as increasingly awful and uninspired reality series threatened to doom scripted serial entertainment as we know it. Luckily for all of us, a few breakout hits like Lost and, for a while, Heroes held the barbarians at the gate, leaving plenty of room for entertainments of all kinds.

Let’s see what kinds of shows the Geekscapists liked the best this past decade…

——- ERIC A. DIAZ ——-

BEST TELEVISION OF THE DECADE

1. Lost

Not just one of the best of the decade, but one of the best series ever, period.

2. Battlestar Galactica

Say what you want about the last season, and chances are I’ll agree with you actually, but this show was easily one of the best space based sci fi shows of all time.

3. Six Feet Under

No show has ever been more true to life, and no series finale has ever been as good or heartbreaking.  Kind of a masterpiece.

4. South Park

The merchandising and commercial heyday of this show may have been the 90’s, but it was this decade that proved how versatile and smart this show is.  It will be a sad day when South Park finally goes off the air.

5. Buffy The Vampire Slayer

The only reason this isn’t listed higher is simply that the “peak seasons” in my opinion were seasons one and two, and they were in the 90’s.

6. Angel

Yeah, Season One was rough, but Seasons 2-5 were as good as anything going on at the time on Buffy. Arguably the best live action television presentation of an ongoing super hero comic ever.

7. Justice League/Justice League Unlimited

The best representation of the DC Universe wasn’t in comics this decade, it was on Cartoon Network. If only the Comic book version of this universe were always as cool as this.

8. Dexter

Michael C Hall manages to be on not one, but two of my favorite shows this decade. Year after year Dexter makes me sympathize with a sociopathic serial killer., and I love this show for being able to do that.

9. Sex and the City

Yeah, even I roll my eyes a bit when I see trailers for Sex and the City 2, with these old bitches riding on camels in the desert and shit. But once upon a time, this show was about the best show ever about gay men looking for dick (disguised as women of course), until they went and got all domestic on us.

10. Veronica Mars

Buffy without the vampires. Seasons one and two are great, the last season…not as much. But I still miss ya V.M.

BEST TV MOMENT OF THE DECADE

The cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer burst into song, and a classic is born.

BEST TELEVISION PERFORMANCES

1. James Marsters as Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel

Originally introduced as little more than a standard vamp villain in the second season of Buffy, this decade’s most versatile tv performance of the decade goes to James Marsters. Going from bad guy, to sarcastic comic relief, to obsessed stalker, to romantic anti hero, to martyr, to straight up super hero in Angel., James Marsters made it all feel like a natural progression for his character. Of all the Buffyverse characters I miss, I still miss Spike the most.

2. Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan on Dexter
3. Mary McDonnell as President Laura Roslin on Battlestar Galactica
4. Kim Cattrall as Samantha Jones on Sex on the City
5. The Entire Cast of Lost

This ensemble is so superb, it is hard to just pick one actor to represent. So I won’t.

——- NAR WILLIAMS ——-

1. The Wire

David Simon’s The Wire takes advantage of television’s serial nature (and HBO’s commitment to creatively ambitious material) to paint a picture of an American city crumbling – from the drug infested streets to the union docks, schools, police department, city hall, and newspaper business. The result is a show that has the depth of a great novel. The Wire engages the viewer dramatically and intellectually while clearly laying forth the seemingly insurmountable challenges of our broken system of politics, law enforcement, and education.

2. Extras

Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant follow up The Office with this brilliant series about life in show business.

3. Battlestar Galactica

Redefined television sci-fi as a genre with potential for dark, gritty storytelling and top notch performances.

4. Mad Men

A stylish look at affluent advertising execs and America’s transition from the 50s to the 60s.

5. Rome

Ambitious and compelling, it ended too soon – but way better than the bloated Sopranos.

——- MARTIN SCHERER ——-

BEST TV SHOW OF THE DECADE: Six Feet Under

This show did a lot of things for the TV landscape. It popularized the idea of the short season to American TV, it made HBO a household name (at least in Canada) and redefined the hour drama.

What it also did was become a gauge of my personal relationships. The first girl that I started to watch it with would pause it and question how I felt about its portrayal of homosexuality– why she did this, I don’t know, but I’m suspecting she was projecting religious stereotypes on me.  All I know is we never saw season two together.

The next girlfriend was intrigue by the show, but never made time to watch it— this relationship was intriguing, but like our plan to watch Six Feet Under, it never materialized.

And the girl who is going to become my wife? We watched the whole show over the course of 4 months. Six Feet Under is now something we share with our friends, and want to watch again. Like a good book, this show demands to be shared and discussed.

Overall, not bad for a show about a family of funeral directors.

HONORABLE MENTION: The Trailer Park Boys

Before improv sitcoms became the rage, a small trailer park in Nova Scotia was mastering it. Much like Corner Gas, you may find it funny, but you won’t understand it unless you gave it time. And you will only truly appreciate it if you know the Canadian East Coast.

Through the 7 seasons of TPB, we grew to know the cast and characters of Sunnyvale, and took comfort in the predictability of each season; released from jail, plan is hatch, goes off the rails, sent back to jail.

Moment of the show? Rita McNeil singing Working Manwhile she was forced to harvest marijuana.
Honorable Mentions: Dead Like Me Season 1, Pushing Daises

BEST TV MOMENT OF THE DECADE

This is a tie for me. The two moments that elicited such a strong emotional response from me was the last scene/montage of Six Feet Under and the second to last episode of The Shield.

In Six Feet Under, we see the perfect marriage of music and forwardflashes to wrap up not only the series, but all the questions about these characters futures. Again, on repeat viewings I found myself tearing at this moment— making me realize how much I grew to care about each character, and wanted to ultimately see them achieve their potential and have a happy life.

In the Shield, we see the most gripping 60 seconds of television: The confession of Vic Mackey. We’ve been watching the series, and seen what he has done, and the lengths that he and his crew had gone through to hide the truth from everyone. His confession should not be a surprise, but still to hear him confess his sins, and for them to come from his mouth in such a calm, cold, manner,  reminded us for the last time we are not suppose to like Mackey.

——- WILLIAM BIBBIANI ——-

BEST TV SHOWS OF THE DECADE

1. The Wire

The best television series of the decade? Try “of all time.” David Simon’s brilliantly conceived, written, directed and acted drama covered the city of Baltimore from every dirty, violent and corrupt angle, and never made us want to look away. If you’ve seen The Wire, then there’s nothing I need to add. If you haven’t, then there’s nothing left to say.

2. Avatar: The Last Airbender

The decade’s best animated series, kids show and action program.

3. Paranoia Agent

Satoshi Kon, one of the greatest directors in the world, came up with this brilliant mini-series about a series of assaults by a teenaged boy on rollerblades wielding a dented gold bat was perhaps the decade’s most original artistic expression in any medium, and must be seen to be believed. An unforgettable story with unforgettable imagery.

4. The Daily Show

Comedy so cutting it actually changed the political landscape.

5. Veronica Mars

The wittiest series of the decade also had the best murder mysteries. The last few episodes faltered, but without ever jumping the shark, keeping Veronica right near the top of the list.

6. South Park

They can’t all be zingers, but when South Park is on its “A” game (“Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow,” “Guitar Queer-O,” “About Last Night…”) there isn’t a funnier, more insightful show on the air.

7. Dexter

Sure, the set-up is contrived, but Dexter spun the decade’s most original character into one of TV’s most dastardly series.

8. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

If the first few seasons hadn’t been on during the late 90’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer would be higher on my list. Even so, the stellar Season 5 and much-lauded musical episode “Once More With Feeling” guarantee it a spot in the top ten.

9. Battlestar Galactica

They didn’t know what they were doing when they started the series, but to their credit it never really showed until the last season and a half. Until then, this was TV at its most exhilarating.

10. Lost

They didn’t know what they were doing when they started the series, and they only made it about a season and a half before showing their lousy hand, but Lost has been on the upswing in its final seasons, and that first season is easily the best season of television ever filmed.

11. Supernatural

Like Lost but with more satisfying plot points, like Buffy but for manly men. Supernatural is the fantasy series that puts hair on your chest.

12. Star Wars: The Clone Wars

No, not that one, the 2D version that trumped the entire new Star Wars trilogy in class, character and compelling stories. You know… the good one.

13. Invader Zim

“A room… WITH A MOOSE!!!”

14. The Venture Bros.

Somewhere, beneath the obvious satire of Saturday morning cartoons and action movies, there lies a tragic layer of subtext dealing with the effects of failure on the minds of its various characters. Never mind that though, because this show is funny as hell.

15. Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace

High-concept brilliance from the BBC in which an egomaniacal horror author wrote, directed, starred in and originally whistled the theme song to a “lost” 1980’s supernatural adventure series, complete with poor production values, shoddy acting, and writing so bad it’s brilliant.

16. Justice League Unlimited

The perfect superhero series.

17. That’s My Bush!

Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s parody of sitcom clichés lampooned Bush back when the only thing people had to complain about was that he was a Right Winger who talked like he was an idiot. It probably wouldn’t have been terribly popular right after 9/11, but you’d think it might have made a comeback in the last 3-4 years…

18. Firefly

As clever and inventive as everyone says it is.

19. Zero Punctuation

Insightful and hilarious weekly reviews of videogames. The only “critics” show still worth watching.

20. Bus Pirates

The best comedy series of all time? Maybe, but placed low on the list out of respect for its more-esteemed competitors.

BEST TV PERFORMANCES OF THE DECADE

1. Dominic West, The Wire

The only television character so brilliantly conceived, so audacious self-destructive, so completely admirable, that he had everyone I know screaming his name at the screen repeatedly in any given episode. “MCNULTYYYYYYYY!!!” But really, just about any cast member on The Wire could be in this top spot. The entire cast could fill my top ten, so Dominic West will accept the award on all of their behalves.

2. James Callis, Battlestar Galactica

Baltar the Betrayer burst into the new millennium with a tragically hilarious turn by the inimitable James Callis.

3. Steve Colbert, The Colbert Report

Yes, it’s an act. No, not everyone understands that. He’s that good.

4. Kristen Bell, Veronica Mars

Quirky and brilliant without ever being superhuman, this flawed heroine was also the funniest, even when tracking down cold-blooded murderers and serial rapists.

5. Michael C. Hall, Dexter

The cleverest idea for a TV protagonist of the decade, brought to exceptional life by Michael C. Hall, one of the few TV actors to turn in not one but TWO brilliant and iconic TV performances, for Dexter and Six Feet Under.

6. Frances Conroy, Six Feet Under

But it was the conflicted and mother on Six Feet Under who deserves the most praise for her noble performance of a well-meaning matriarch.

7. David Tennant, Dr. Who

David Tennant blew about 30 years of Dr. Who performances out of the water with his instantly classic take on one of TV’s most reliable protagonists.

8. Enrico Colantoni, Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars’ improbably badass father was the best TV father figure since Archie Bunker.

9. Timothy Bottoms, That’s My Bush!

Such a spot on performance that it drastically informed my theories of what the former president is like behind closed doors, even more than Oliver Stone’s W.

10. Terry O’Quinn, Lost

Instantly iconic, even when his scripts turned to poo, Terry O’Quinn proved that nobody tells him what he can’t do.

——- CONNER S. CHE ——-

BEST TV SHOW OF THE DECADE

1. Six Feet Under

Some could say that a show that is set at a funeral home is all about death, and at first it was. In the beginning it was a show that every week there was another dead person with a story to tell. Of course there was the melodrama that surrounded the family but it really felt a little forced at the beginning. (I’m going to get shot for that comment, aren’t I?) I’m sure when the characters became real people to me but by the end of the series I was an emotional wreck for a week. I felt as if I really lost someone. It’s strange that art can do that. Six Feet Under was very much about life, the difficulties of living it, and the emptiness of loss when life comes to a conclusion.

2. Angel
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
4. Firefly
5. Lost
6. Justice League / Justice League Unlimited
7. Daily Show
8. Colbert Report
9. Rome
10. Battlestar Galactica

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE DECADE

1. Frances Conroy as Ruth Fisher – Six Feet Under

Weird choice? Yeah I guess so. This was a really had list to compile. I’ve had to dig through 10 years of memories and more hours of TV then there are synapses in the brain. So I went for the emotional gut choice. When I think of the last 10 years of show I think of Ruth Fisher losing her mind as a grieving mother who just lost her first born. The scenes were gut wrenching, tear jerking and heart breaking. I went though more than a few boxes of tissues by the time the credits rolled on the final episodes.

2. Ray Stevenson as Titus Pullo – Rome
3. Michael C. Hall as David Fisher – Six Feet Under
4. Peter Krause as Nate Fisher – Six Feet Under
5. Naveen Andrews as Sayid Jarrah – Lost
6. Nathan Fillion as Malcolm “Mal” Reynolds – Firefly
7. Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg – Buffy The Vampire Slayer
8. Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester – Glee
9. Enver Gjokaj as Victor – Dollhouse
10. James Marsters as Spike – Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel

BEST TV MOMENT OF THE DECADE

1. Joss Whedon resurrecting Firefly from the dead

Here is a man that cares about what he is creating. It’s not producing a TV show for him –it’s the creating art. Unfortunately fox cancelled Firefly after only eleven episodes, basically ripping out the canvas from his hands before he could finish his panting. After three years of single minded determination he succeeded in finishing the story he set out to do. Unfortunately nobody went to see it and his heart was crushed again. Never the less what he did was nothing short of a Hollywood miracle.

2. News Stations across the country announces that we have a president that’s not mentally handicapped.
3. Lost: They get off the f’ing Island
4. Angel ends series with final lines: “Well, personally, I kinda want to slay the dragon. Let’s go to work!”
5. Dick in a Box
6. Stephen Colbert roast George W. Bush at the Associated Press hosted White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner
7. Ashley Simpson lip-singing accident on SNL
8. People systematically finally coming to the realization that Heroes sucks.
9. News reports of all those Republican politicians having gay ass sex
10. Tivo

We may not be sure what to call the last decade (“Noughties” and “Oughties” are both ridiculous and popular, apparently), but it sure did have a lot of movies. Geekscapists all over were throwing down their hard-earned dollars throughout the last ten years, and at last, it’s time to put their mouths where their money is… or possibly “are.”

Here are our Best and Worst Movies of the Decade!!!

——- WILLIAM BIBBIANI ——-

BEST MOVIES OF THE DECADE

1. Punch Drunk Love

The decade’s best movie was also the film in which Paul Thomas Anderson finally came into his own as a filmmaker, instead of just acting like a young Robert Altman (although to be fair, Punch Drunk Love does owe a debt of gratitude to Popeye). Endlessly inventive storytelling, from the surprisingly complex sound design to the dazzling use of color, and pitch-perfect performances make this inexplicable gem the most original American film in memory.

2. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy – The next time you see a bad big-budget movie and start making excuses for its lack of quality (Oh, hello Avatar, I didn’t see you there…), remember that it can be done.
3. In the Mood for Love
4. United 93 – The best film of the decade that I never, ever want to see again. Yikes.
5. Wall-E
6. Brick – The decade’s best debut film stands alongside the best film noirs ever made. Yes, it’s a gimmick movie, but if you remove the gimmick it’s still a perfect mystery with incredible characters. Funny, exciting and most importantly sad.
7. The Dark Knight
8. Match Point
9. Battle Royale
10. Shaun of the Dead – The decade’s funniest comedy, funnest horror movie and finest coming-of-age tale.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Adaptation, The Aviator, Black Hawk Down, Casino Royale, Crank, Ginger Snaps, The Incredibles, Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World, Primer, Taken, Team America: World Police, Time Crimes, 28 Days Later, World’s Greatest Dad, Zodiac

WORST MOVIES OF THE DECADE

1. The Spirit

Frank Miller apparently got a free pass after “directing” Sin City, but after his abysmal, boring, cheap, and laughably scripted take on Will Eisner’s The Spirit, he’ll probably be barred from touching a camera ever again. Ignoring Miller’s offensively inaccurate take on the comic, still considered one of the best and most influential comics in history, his film still has enough hair-pulling ideas and sequences to wax a yeti. The Spirit is immortal (dumb in and of itself), but spends several minutes of an elaborate action sequence trying not to fall off a building… something he did on purpose in the first few minutes of the film, just because he could. Eva Mendes inexlicably photocopies her own ass and leaves it at the scene of the crime, and when The Spirit finds it he not only recognizes it – despite not having seen said ass since she was maybe twelve years old (disturbing in and of itself) – but then shows the picture to everyone in town until it’s finally recognized by a midget, because… well, you figure it out. There are some bad, bad, bad, bad movies on this list, but none of them are worse than Frank Miller’s The Spirit.

2. Rent – I still can’t figure out what the biggest mistake was: Getting a cast of 40-somethings to play a group of 20 year olds, or getting Chris Columbus, quite possibly the least bohemian storyteller on the planet, to direct this slobbery, unbelievable mash-note to the lifestyle.
3. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
4. Ultraviolet
5. The Legend of Zorro
6. The Happening
7. Rollerball
8. Crossroads
9. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
10. Domino

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS: Avatar, Babel, Blade: Trinity, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, Elektra, Feardotcom, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Happy Feet, Men in Black 2, Mission: Impossible 2, Pay It Forward, Seven Pounds, Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Swordfish, X-Men: The Last Stand

1. Spider-Man – The first time someone got a comic book movie (mostly) right

The first half of Superman: The Movie was pretty good, and Superman 2, Batman, and Batman Returns were good movies, but bad adaptations of their respective comic books. Blade got the tone right, but screwed up little things like the plot and dialogue. Then, Sam Raimi came in and knocked it out of the park… more or less. Yes, the Green Goblin outfit probably sounded better on paper, but at last we got a comic book adaptation that respected the character, didn’t take itself too seriously, and didn’t have to be apologized for. Spider-Man 2 was better, Spider-Man 3 was worse, but Spider-Man will live in my heart forever. I saw this thing five times in theaters.

2. Transporter 2 – Jason Statham removes a bomb from the bottom of his car by jumping a ramp, spinning through the air, and scraping the underside of his car on a skyhook

Because damn it, that’s what I would have done.

3. Up – A life in pictures

Try not crying. I dare you.

4. Grindhouse – The Theatrical Experience

I have no idea why we’re not allowed to watch Grindhouse on home video. I just want to see the Don’t trailer again! The coolest night at the movies may be a little bit cooler because some dickhead somewhere doesn’t want me to see it again.

5. The Dark Knight – Going into hysterics because the movie was so ridiculously good

I wasn’t the only one.

6. Shaolin Soccer – The best climactic sporting event ever

It’s more than a little sexist, keeping it well outside of my top ten, but that climax would knock anyone’s socks off.

7. District B13 – Introducing the world to parkour

Yes, yes, Casino Royale… ripped it off. Though not a great movie this energetic piece of French badassery introduced filmmakers and audiences to running really fast and not letting anything get in your way. Kind of obvious, in retrospect…

8. The Incredibles – The 500-Mile Dash

Rumor has it that David Goyer abandoned his adaptation of The Flash because he couldn’t figure out a way to outdo with incredible action sequence. I can’t say I blame him.

9. The Way of the Gun – Possibly the best shoot-out ever filmed

Perfect. Easy to follow, high stakes, and that fountain…? Dude, who could ever forget that fountain…

10. Gone Baby Gone – The debate movie of the decade

Ben Affleck’s directorial debut was a strong piece of filmmaking but not without its flaws. The ending, however, is not one of those flaws. The only movie of the decade that inspired a genuine debate afterwards… not about the quality of the film, but of the moral choices made within. Great stuff.

1. Homeroom: Heart of America – Uwe Boll films a gang rape scene… and tries to make it sexy?

Dear God, you made me watch a few minutes of this film again to get a screen cap. Haven’t I suffered enough? Uwe Boll’s movie about the Columbine tragedy was a lot like Elephant, except that it totally sucks. The worst of the worst was a scene in which a recent high school graduate tells a really cool anecdote about this mentally handicapped girl he and his friends raped this one time. And I swear, you’d think Uwe Boll didn’t know it was creepy.

2. The Exorcist: The Beginning – Paul Schrader’s version sucks too

You may remember the controversy: Paul (Taxi Driver) Schrader directed a prequel to The Exorcist which was then recut – and largely reshot – by Renny Harlin. Renny Harlin’s version predictably sucked, but when Paul Schrader’s version finally came out it… also sucked. A bad day to be a film snob.

3. Something’s Gotta Give – The movie ends but then keeps going for over an hour

Something’s Gotta Give was a beautiful movie about two people finding each other despite what they would have considered their natures. Jack Nicholson’s dating Diane Keaton’s daughter Amanda Peet because, well, he can, and after a heart attack is forced to spend time with her disapproving mother. Those then two fall in love, and finally go their separate ways because life is complicated. Fade out… then fade in and go on for another hour or so because apparently Jack Nicholson didn’t learn a valuable enough lesson. A decent film turns into incredible trash right in front of your eyes.

4. Swordfish – The most misogynistic movie of the decade

Ignore the ridiculous “hacking” and even more ridiculous “flying bus” sequence, and focus on the fact that every woman in this film is a monster. How did this film even happen?

5. Crash – Every “Gotcha!” moment is more offensive than the last

You see, everyone’s a racist, but also a victim of racism… and also an offensive racial stereotype. And every scene in the decade’s worst Best Picture winner tries to hammer these points home with all the subtlety of, well, a hammer I suppose. From the otherwise dignified Terrence Howard’s audition for “Pimp #3” on an episode of Cops, to the obvious “revelation” that a gun was loaded with blanks (which still would have killed that little girl at that range), and finally the revelation that the only sympathetic character in the film would murder any black person at a moment’s notice, there is nothing in this film that isn’t trite, offensive, or stupid.

6. X-Men: The Last Stand – We had no reason to watch this. Really.

At the end of the film, the mutant cure doesn’t even work. Why did we they even film this?!

7. Aliens vs. Predator – The decade’s biggest cliché fest

We all wanted to see Aliens vs. Predator, not Resident Evil, Contact, Jurrasic Park and Stargate with Aliens and Predators in it.

8. Babel – CSI: Morocco

So these kids shoot a bus from a mile away. The bus keeps going, ruining any possibility of discerning the trajectory of the shot, but the cops nevertheless pinpoint the location to the top of a mountain covered in bullet-shaped and bullet-colored rocks, and then immediately find the bullet. Screw William Peterson, these guys are good…
 
9. Rollerball – An entire action sequence is inexplicably filmed in cheap Night Vision

AN ENTIRE ACTION SEQUENCE IS INEXPLICABLY FILMED IN CHEAP NIGHT VISION. It’s almost impossible to tell what’s going on, and there’s no motivation for the “creative” decision. Jesus Christ…

10. Alone in the Dark – Longest text prologue ever… and it’s redundant!

Alone in the Dark opens with a title scrawl providing what vital backstory… for what feels like five whole minutes… and then the film proceeds to convey the same information anyway. Alone in the Dark isn’t Uwe Boll’s worst movie, but by God this sort of thing helps make it one of his dumbest.

——- IVAN KANDER ——-

BEST MOVIE OF THE DECADE

1. Big Fish

Some movies just hit you. Big Fish hit me. Hard. I’m sure it’s an odd choice for some…I’m sure that people will call me crazy and ill informed, but few movies have affected me as strongly as this one. Whimsical, beautiful, heart-breaking, and a warm father-son relationship…what’s not to like? This is a movie about the magic of storytelling. And, for an aspiring narrative filmmaker such as myself it just doesn’t get any better than that.

2. The Incredibles
3. Memento
4. Almost Famous
5. Requiem for a Dream
6. Punch Drunk Love
7. Knocked Up
8. Mean Girls
9. The Dark Knight
10. George Washington

WORST MOVIE OF THE DECADE

1. The Wicker Man

To be honest I don’t know if this qualifies as the worst movie of the decade. Sure, it’s bad…probably the worst thing I’ve ever seen…but for some reason I just can’ turn away. Is that Nick cage punching a woman in a bear suit? Why is he screaming about bees? How’d it get burned? More importantly, how was this movie ever made?

2. Norbit
3. The Happening
4. Transformers 2
5. Catwoman
6. The Black Dahlia   
7. I Know Who Killed Me
8. The Cat in the Hat
9. Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3.
10. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2

WORST MOVIE EXPERIENCE OF THE DECADE

1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Yeah, South Park already covered it, but Trey Parker and Matt Stone are right…Spielberg and Lucas raped my childhood. What should have been the definitive adventure movie for a new generation was a poorly-scripted mess with nuked fridges and an army of CGI monkeys. I still shudder when I think about it.

2. Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest (As a Disney fan, this felt like a kick in the nuts)
3. Catwoman
4. Fantastic Four
5. Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones (hold me like you did on Naboo)

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE DECADE

1. Christian Bale – American Psycho

Before Christian Bale was psychotically cussing out cinematographers in real life, he was busy pretending to be a psychotic in a little ditty known as American Psycho. Although the movie was practically ignored upon its initial release, over time viewers have come to accept Bale’s stunning performance as serial killer Patrick Bateman for what it is—pure genius. *Takes out engraved business cards and puts on some Huey Lewis & the News*

2. Adam Sandler – Punch Drunk Love
3. Terrence Howard – Hustle and Flow
4. Javier Bardem – No Country For Old Men
5. Ellen Page – Juno
6. Mickey Rourke – The Wrestler
7. Amy Adams – Junebug
8. Ryan Gosling – Lars and the Real Girl
9. Naomi Watts – Mulholland Dr.
10. Hayden Christensen – Shattered Glass

BEST GEEK ADAPTATION OF THE DECADE

1. Spider-Man

To be honest, I think the Dark Knight is a better film. However, Spider-Man is a more important one. Spider-Man officially knocked down the gates of Hollywood, launching comic book properties into the stratosphere. And, guess what? It was actually good! Sam Raimi took our beloved character and perfectly adapted him for the big screen. Not to mention, he sort of paved the way for all other modern super hero classics in the process. Batman Begins? 300? Kick Ass? They wouldn’t have gotten green-lit without good ole’ Spidey. Remember folks, with great power comes great responsibility.

2. The Dark Knight
3. Spider-Man 2
4. Iron Man
5. Batman Begins
6. American Splendor
7. Sin City
8. Ghost World
9. Road to Perdition
10. Watchmen

——- CONNOR S. CHE ——-

BEST MOVIES OF THE DECADE

1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

The impossible was made possible when Peter Jackson and his band of New Zealand misfits decided that it was possible to A: con a studio into giving them enough money to adapt Tolkien. B: The Technology was available to pull it off. C: It was ok to admit that Tolkien wasn’t a perfect story teller and maybe fans wouldn’t kill them for changing some shit. They were correct on all accounts but they must have had ball of brass just the have the nerve to think about doing it. What was presented was three straight years of jaw dropping effects, emotional story telling and a trilogy elevated the fantasy genre from the dregs of Hercules and Xena to something actually cool. These movies were liked by everyone from nerds to jocks to dead beat dad to soccer moms. What these movies left behind was an expanded definition of the word “epic”

2. Pixar Films:
        A: UP
        B: Wall-E
        C: The Incredible
        D: Finding Nemo
        E: Ratatouille

I know I’m cheating but if I didn’t half of my list would be all Pixar movies.

3. Amelie
4. City of God
5. Batman Begins and Dark Knight – I know they are two movies but if there was another Chris Nolan Batman movie I would have cheated with the Batman Trilogy.
6. Donnie Darko
7. Children of Men
8. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
9. The Vengeance Trilogy:
        A: Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
        B: Old Boy
        C: Sympathy for Lady Vengeance 
10. The Royal Tenenbaums

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Dancer In the Dark
The Prestige
Kill Bill 1&2
Unbreakable
Pan’s Labyrinth
A History of Violence
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood
Broke Back Mountain
Michael Clayton

WORST MOVIES OF THE DECADE

1. Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000

Everyone knows that the most powerful entity in Hollywood is not any studio but the Church of Scientology. So how is it possible with their pool of talent that are members they could have pulled from they manage to not only create the worst movie of the year, or of decade, but of all time? I remember starting up the DVD with hopes of something so awful that it turns to fun again (like the movie Showgirls) but what I got was the equivalent Chinese water torture for the eyes.

2. Lost Boys: The Tribe
3. Dragon Fly – A girlfriend made me watch this. It was an exercise to see who had better taste in movies. I brought something I loved and so did she. I won.
4. “Insert genre” Movie – Scary Movie, Date Movie, Not Another Teen Movie, and Meet The Spartans (It counts) they all prove to suck and proves that American general audiences have shitty taste because they still make money.
5. Fear Dot Com
6. Uwe Boll – I’m not even talking about his movies. He sucks.
7. Pulse
8. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
9. Transformer 2: Revenge of the Fallen
10. When a Stranger Calls (2006)

WORST MOVIE EXPERIENCE OF THE DECADE

My worst movie experience was getting into fight with my girlfriend while on vacation and while being forced to watch the horrible Whoopi Goldberg movie, Corrina Corrina.

BEST GEEK ADAPTATION OF THE DECADE:

1. Lord of The Rings Trilogy
2. Harry Potter Series
3. Iron Man
4. X2: X-men United
5. Spiderman 2
6. Batman Begins / Dark Knight
7. Watchmen
8. 300
9. V for Vendetta
10. Ghost World

——- NAR WILLIAMS ——-

NAR’S BEST (SCI-FI) FILMS OF THE DECADE

When I sat down to make my best films of the decade list, I realized that they were all sci-fi/fantasy films (with the exception of a few like There Will Be Blood, The Weather Man, Shaun of the Dead, and Traffic.) So… here’s my list for the decade’s best films, which all happen to be sci-fi!

1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

You may think it’s three movies, but it’s not. Watch Fellowship of the Ring, Two Towers, and Return of the King back-to-back (director’s extended cut ONLY) and you’ll see why it’s the very definition of cinematic bliss. Peter Jackson’s sprawling epic adapts J.R.R. Tolkien’s beloved novels by deftly balancing grandiose visuals, intimate performances, and the most spectacular battle sequences ever seen. Wizards, hobbits, elves, monsters – this trilogy has everything I’ve ever thought was cool about Dungeons & Dragons and brings them to life in a way that will make you swear Middle-Earth is a real place. FRODO LIVES.

2. Children of Men (Alfonso Cuaron’s long, unbroken takes mesmerize in this captivating tale of a future with little hope.)
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Charlie Kaufman and Michel Gondry tell a deeply personal story of love gone awry by using tech gone awry. A perfect film.)
4. Solaris (Steven Soderbergh’s cerebral thriller is a gorgeous remake of Tarkovsky’s 1972 film about a widower’s memories in the presence of a mysterious blue planet. Damn fine filmmaking.)
5. Batman Begins (Best comic book movie ever. Yes, better than Dark Knight.)
6. Moon (Duncan Jones delivers a story of isolation and paranoia like no other sci-fi flick I know of.)
7. Serenity (Joss Whedon’s action adventure is one of the most entertaining space flicks ever.)
8. The Fountain (Beautiful and haunting. Hugh Jackson’s performance is heartbreaking in this underrated rumination on mortality from Darren Aronofsky.)
9. Primer (Uber realistic and smart sci-fi that requires repeat viewing.)
10. The Prestige (Christopher Nolan turns this magician’s rivalry tale into a gripping sci-fi flick with the aid of Nikola Tesla.)

——- MARTIN SCHERER ——-

BEST MOVIE OF THE DECADE: Big Fish

Looking back at the decade there were a lot of great movies. But one movie will always stand out for me, and that is Big Fish. I have, and likely always will have a soft spot for movies that explore the father son dynamic. From Field of Dreams to Elf, there is something about narratives that explore this often complex relationship of projected dreams, hopes and fears that have will likely always touch my core. In Big Fish, I saw a movie that not only hit on this relationship, but also one the touched the idea of oral traditions from fathers to sons.

I wall always remember those seemingly long drives to my grandparents house and those nights where my father sat next to me and told me stories of his fictionalized life. I’m sure when he is long gone, and I have children of my own, I will sit by their bed and tell them the reason the Easter Bunny never visits, or the time that their grandfather literally stole candy from a baby. Big Fish is a movie that celebrates the tall tales we make of our lives and the roles they play in others.

I will also remember seeing this movie in the theatre, and the sheer joy of its imagery and its pathos. When the movie ended, and the credits rolled, I found myself having to sit in the emptying theatre and just cry.

OTHER MOVIES WORTH MENTIONING:

The Apatow Movies (especially Knocked Up and Funny People) – Sure they are marketed as comedy, but I think for my generation, they are cleverly disguised dramas.

Memento – Just for the sheer creativity in this narrative.

JCVD – You may not be a big fan of the Time Cop, but this movie is worth watching, if only for the soliloquy.

Not Another Teen Movie – Sure the whole farce movie franchise has grown out of hand, but this one, one of the first, was clever as it was crude. Where else can I watch one movie, and be reminded of all the great (and bad) teen movies from the past 20 years.

The Work of Charlie Kaufman (Confessions of  a Dangerous Mind, Adaptation, Being John Malkovich) – If you haven’t seen his work, shame on you.

WORST MOVIE OF THE DECADE: Attack of the Clones

A lot can be said about the prequels, and how these three movies made even that term a dirty word in our collective lexicon. To me the worst offender was not Jar-Jar Binks, or the whole midi-chlorians nonsense, but what they didn’t show: The Clone War.

Yes, I know they’ve done cartoons and TV series on it since, but you had one chance to make a first impression, and you wasted it by giving us a movie that had the promise of an epic war that essentially wiped out the Jedi, and what do they do? Not show it.

It was like watching a war movie, without the war. Or better yet, it was like watching George Lucas cutting corners and making a lot of money in the process.

WORST MOVIE EXPERIENCE OF THE DECADE: Memoirs of a Geisha

One time, I lived in a student town that had a great old theatre. Clearly it was at one time a focal point of the community– it was big, and at one point was a majestic building. So going there after walking by it for six years was exciting. Going with a girl made it a even bigger deal. The movie, her choice, ruined that whole experience.
I can’t really describe this movie, as I have blocked most of it from my mind. It was trying to be a sweeping epic, but wasn’t executing. It tried to have great visuals, but cinematography does not make a story. This similarly happened to a lesser degree with The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford.

After the credits rolled, I felt dirty. The ambience of this once imagined great theatre was lost to me forever, ripped by a subpar movie.

And as for the girl? Well despite her crappy taste in movies that night, I’ll be marrying her in the new year. So I guess somethings came out of that night.

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE DECADE: Philip Seymour Hoffman

I can’t really pick one performance of his that stands out, but to me his name has become associated with quality. From his sleazy role in Punch Drunk Love, to the lovable DJ, The Count, in Pirate Radio, Hoffman has shown us that he can act in a wide range of roles. Looking at his varied body of work for the decade, I think its safe to say that he is, despite being a male, is the new Meryl Streep.
Honorable mention: The cast of Frost/Nixon

BEST GEEK ADAPTATION OF THE DECAD: Iron Man

The best adaption was Iron Man, hands down. It was a tight movie, that didn’t overstay its welcome by running too long (unlike Dark Knight). The movie’s balance of humor and action is a nice mix that holds up really well to multiple viewings.

This movie also literally changed so many things about comic movies. It showed that:
        · A B-list character can be made into a franchise (which likely was one of the reasons that Disney bought   Marvel, they had proven that they had more then just Spider-Man).
        · To the public, that more superhero movies can be more then just the A-list characters.
        · Marvel Studios can and will be a major player.
        · Superhero movies don’t need to be buried deep in tragedy (Batman, Spider-Man) or dark to succeed. They can be made accessible, and not depend on familiarity of the origin story.
A big honorable mention goes to Spider-Man 1, the movie that blew open the door comic books being viable movie properties.

——- ERIC A. DIAZ ——-

BEST MOVIE OF THE DECADE

Ok, so disclaimer…these are my personal favorites here. Not necessarily the best, in the classic sense of the word. Do I really think that Kill Bill is better than an Oscar Winning film like Million Dollar Baby? (actually, I totally do, who am I kidding? Fuck Million Dollar “I belong on the Lifetime Network” Baby) These are the movies that are not only great, but get a frequent spin in my DVD player on a rainy day.

1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Only technically is this three movies-they were shot together, edited together and released only a year apart from each other. So I count it as one flick. Oh, and it really IS one story  from the get go, as opposed to The Matrix or Pirates “Trilogies”.  Peter Jackson started the decade of the Geek the right way.

2. The Dark Knight

When Batman Begins came out, I thought “well, that was awesome…and as good of a Bat flick as we are ever gonna get” So very glad I was wrong.

3. Kill Bill (Vol. 1 AND 2)

Like LOTR, this is really one movie.  Inglorious Basterds may in fact be a better film, but I think this one will always be my favorite. Kill The Bride cannot come soon enough.

4. The Virgin Suicides

Everyone always talks about Sofia Coppolla’s  Lost in Translation (which I like) but it is her debut film that cast a weird spell on me back in 2000 and never left my brain. My first indie pretentious film on this list.

5. The Incredibles

The best Fantastic Four movie ever made. Pixar spent this decade doing no wrong, and the only real reason that Incredibles is on here is that it is about Super Heroes, because WALL E, Ratotouille, Up, Finding Nemo and Monsters Inc, are all arguably just as solid.

6. The 40 Year Old Virgin

Up until this Judd Apatow flick, I hated most Hollywood comedies. When this movie hit, I finally felt there was a Hollywood comedy that fit my sense of humor, and thankfully led to many more, like Knocked Up, Superbad, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and more. But it is still The 40 Year Old Virgin that’s the best and holds up the most.

7. Iron Man

Dark Knight might be the best comic book movie, but Iron Man is hands down the most fun. This one hits every note right.

8. Mulholland Drive

My other pretentious arty flick on the list.  To me, this was a return to form for David Lynch, and echoed his creative heyday of Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks and Wild At Heart.  If his three hour long exercise in self indulgence called Inland Empire is any indication, Mulholland Drive may be the last Lynch movie I’ll ever like. 

9. Shaun of the Dead

So rewatchable and quotable. I will always stop on this one when channel flipping and it turns up on Comedy Central (which I think is like every day at this point)

10. X2 –X-Men United

The first X-men was a decent movie and a good start, but Bryan Singer brought his A Game to X2. Sure, he borrowed liberally from other great sequels of the past (Empire Strikes Back and Wrath of Khan are all over this flick) but he managed to flesh out the secondary mutants and let each of them use their powers in cool way, give Wolverine a real chance to kick ass, and even introduce a new X-Man in Nightcrawler and make him matter. OK, so Cyclops got a bit of the shaft in this one. At least it wasn’t as bad for him as it would be in the next movie.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

COMIC BOOK MOVIES

We geeks may bitch and moan about the cheesy Fantastic Four movies, and the Spidey 3/X-Men 3’s of the world all we like, but this decade not only gave us some great super hero flicks in the form of the first two Spider-Man movies, the first two X-Men, the previously mentioned Batman and Iron Man, but non super hero comic book fare like Sin City and V for Vendetta as well. So think about those next time you bitch about Ghost Rider (like you even care about that character anyway) This decade, The good outweighed the bad.

HORROR

Even though we got that whole stupid torture porn and endless remake trends this decade, there WAS some quality horror out there, like The Descent, The Orphanage, 28 Days Later, The Others, The Ring and Dawn of the Dead (and yes, I’m aware that the last two are remakes…not saying ALL remakes are shitty, just most of them) 2009 alone gave us Drag Me To Hell and Trick ‘r Treat, so maybe next decade will be better for the horror genre.

SCI-FI

2009 was particularly good year for Sci Fi, with District 9. Moon, Star Trek, and Avatar. But the rest of the decade wasn’t too shabby either, with Children of Men, WALL E, Minority Report, Serenity and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Yes, it counts as Sci Fi dammit.

BEST PERFORMANCES OF THE DECADE

1. Heath Ledger as the Joker

Maybe there were better performances, but I’m a Geek, so this one wins.

2. Daniel Day Lewis as Daniel Plainview in There Will Be Blood
3. Ian McKellen as Gandalf in Lord of the Rings
4. Julianne Moore as Cathy Whitaker in Far From Heaven
5. Naomi Watts as Betty/Diane in Mulholland Drive

WORST MOVIE EXPERIENCE OF THE DECADE

Sitting in the theater, watching the abortion of cinema known as Queen of the Damned. Where there more terrible movies this decade? Probably. But with most of them I didn’t actually pay to see them. And what makes this one worst for me is what a huge fan of the source material (Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles) I am. The closest experience to this feeling for me was watching Batman and Robin in theaters back in the 90’s. The characters had the same names as their comic book counterparts, and sort of did some the same things, but everything else was terribly, horribly wrong.  Just like Queen of the Damned. God, I hate this movie.

Geek culture began simply enough in a school, or playground somewhere, in which two young lads – or lasses – cavorted up to each other and struck up a conversation. It began something like this: “Who would win in a fight…?”

And so it was that our geek culture was formed. 

Here’s what we loved – and hated – in 2009!!!

——- WILLIAM BIBBIANI ——-

BEST GEEK MOMENT OF 2009

1. Academy Award Winner Roger Corman

Sometimes it seemed like Hollywood was a little ashamed of Roger Corman. The man alternated between directing quality entertainment (The Pit and the Pendulum) to real stinkburgers (It Conquered the Earth, perhaps the first movie with a spoiler for a title), but used his financial success to give inexperienced directors their first big break (Martin Scorsese, James Cameron and Joe Dante, to name but a few) and import classier foreign films – like The Ingmar Bergman’s Cries & Whispers – to America for the first time. He earned this Lifetime Achievement Award years ago, but finally got it in 2009, giving geeks not just a reason to rejoice, but a reason to be proud.

2. Wrastling with Ted Raimi

A personal choice, as due to a technical snafu very few have been able to enjoy it with me, but this last summer I interviewed one of my idols, Ted Raimi, and it was a blast. The man was funny, but didn’t sacrifice intelligent answers for the sake of a quick gag. We talked about his career, his work ethic, even his relationship with his father, and ended the interview by wrestling each other. Best. Interview. Ever.

3. Star Trek is cool again (Pretty simple: JJ Abrams made new fans, rather than appeasing old ones.)
4. Duke Nukum Forever cancelled (It was like having a long-distance girlfriend break up with you. Sure, your daily life isn’t changed, but hope for future satisfaction wanes. It’s time now to grow up.)
5. Dick Grayson takes over as Batman (About fucking time.)
6. Battlestar Galactica actually explains Baltar’s visions and it doesn’t suck (Be fair. They said it to our faces all the way back in Season One.)
7. Heath Ledger wins a posthumous Academy Award for playing a supervillain (Nice, but bittersweet.)
8. Uwe Boll releases a movie that doesn’t suck (Seriously. Two whole freaking stars to Far Cry. I’m as surprised as you.)
9. District 9 and Paranormal Activity give Hollywood the finger (And neither were in 3D! Hmm…)
10. Basement Jack finally released

Another personal choice, ladies and gentleman, because I appeared in this – actually pretty darned good – film as a murder victim. Yup… Living the dream. Check it out, ‘Scapists!

WORST GEEK MOMENT OF 2009

1. As the World Turns Cancelled

Helen Wagner (left) had been playing the same character for 53 years, even speaking the first lines of the series, “Good morning, dear.” Other alumni, like Julianne Moore (on the right, playing identical half-sisters/cousins) went on to more prominent places in Geek culture.

No, really, I mean this. Even if you don’t see the connection between soap operas and the rest of geek culture (if nothing else, they’re often a testing ground for acting talent, and ATWT alone introduced audiences to James Earl Jones, Mary McDonnell, Martin Sheen, Julianne Moore, Kristana Loken, Parker Posey, William Fichtner, Jordana Brewster, Marisa Tomei and Amanda Seyfried, to name but a few), As the World Turns and its endangered soap opera ilk are closely tied to our greatest passions, and they’re getting the shaft right now. Soap Operas and Comics are both visual mediums that are serialized for decades. Like Superman, Batman, Spider-Man and the rest, As the World Turns has been on the air for over 50 years, telling stories about the same characters and keeping it interesting the whole damned time. Sure, Julianne Moore somehow ended up playing identical twin half-sisters/cousins, but the next time you judge a soap opera harshly try explaining to a layperson the whole Madelyne Pryor/Jean Grey thing without sounding like you need your head examined. To put it another way, imagine if DC decided that after the Superman rights got screwed up (see #3), they’ll just cancel all Superman stories. No reboot from #1. No hope for return. They just cancel the thing as of September and, as a farewell gift, remove all the original talent from the series and give it to somebody like Rob Liefeld for the last few issues (which, essentially, is what the makers of As the World Turns have done). At least have some sympathy. “Good night, dear” indeed…

2. EVERYONE FUCKING DYING (Seriously, it seemed pretty bad this year, didn’t it?)
3. Superman rights get completely screwed up (We’re happy for the plaintiffs, sad about potential impact on the character.)
4. Avatar makes MORE money in its second weekend (How long is it going to take, people?)
5. 3D (It’s not a fad. It’s an interesting tool that Hollywood has latched on to because it needs a fad right now in order to sell tickets.
6. Dark Reign breaks my camel’s back (Read less than ten Marvel comics this year, and bought fewer than that. I really don’t care any more about their characters, because their stories are exhausting.)
7. Brutal Legend not as good as Psychonauts (We really set ourselves up for that one, didn’t we?)
8. Blu-Rays that make you pay extra for unwanted DVD and Digital Copies (Can you imagine this in books? For 30% more than the cost of your book, we give you two crappier copies of the same book! WHY IS THIS THE ONLY WAY I CAN BUY MONSTERS, INC?!)
9. Wall-E loses Academy Awards for Best Sound/Sound Editing (Not getting a Best Picture nomination is one thing, but SOUND?)
10. Crank 2: High Voltage on Blu-Ray (Unplayable unless your Blu-Ray player has sufficient memory. Many do, but many didn’t. Not cool, guys…)

1. Playstation 3 (after the price cut)

The problem with the Playstation 3 was never the system itself – it’s a genuinely excellent Blu-Ray player and has comparable perform to the Xbox 360, for the most part – the problem was justifying its ridiculous cost, especially since most people already had Xbox 360s (which, again, is comparable as a videogame console) and other excellent Blu-Ray players were getting over 50% cheaper. With a $100 price tag and a more “TV Cabinet Friendly” design, the Playstation 3 finally achieved its true marketability potential… several years too late.

2. Xbox Live Arcade (Basically its own mini-console right now, presenting great games all year like Shadow Complex, Trials HD and “I Made a Game with Zombies In It,” which I refuse to spell any other way.)
3. Netflix Streaming (Thanks again, Xbox!)
4. Classics on Blu: The General, Gone with the Wind, North by Northwest, The Prisoner… (Despite a few token releases, great catalogue titles weren’t in great supply on Blu-Ray. Thanks 2009!)
5. This Ain’t Star Trek XXX (The best porn parody so far works not just as erotica but also an amusing light-hearted parody of the original series, and can be watched without the sex!)
6. Beatles Rock Band Instruments (I didn’t actually need new instruments, but if I did these well-crafted plastic replicas would be exactly what I needed.)
7. Batman Arkham Asylum (First good Batman videogame? It’s making the list.)
8. Night of the Creeps on Blu-Ray (Never even on DVD, now it goes straight to high-definition. One of the best films ever just got better.)
9. Dollhouse on Blu-Ray (Rediscover this under-rated gem with an unaired Season Finale that’s not only the best episode of the series, but places even the weakest episode in the series in eerie context.)
10. The Maxx and The Head on DVD. (No Blu-Ray – yet – but these two excellent animated series from MTV in the 90’s finally made it to DVD this December. If you haven’t seen The Maxx, you owe it to yourself to experience TV’s most faithful comic book adaptation ever. And The Head’s just weird and awesome.)

BEST GEEK MOMENT OF 2009

1. Streaming Netflix on my 360

It’s the small victories people, it really is. Who would have thought that having the supreme online movie rental service integrated with my video game console would be so damn awesome? If anything, this gives me even less of a reason to put on pants and leave the house. Ain’t the future grand?

2. Seing Watchmen on the big screen (It may not have been perfect, but gosh it’d been a long time coming)
3. The success of District 9 (Proof that smart ideas trump big-named stars any day)
4. The success of Paranormal Activity (lame movie, but, it gives hopes to budding Spielberg’s all over)
5. The Return of Friday Night Lights (let me just say…Daddy missed you)

WORST GEEK MOMENT OF 2009

1. The Rise of 3-D

F-ck 3-D. There I said it. It’s a gimmick… always has been, always will be. If I wanted to spend three hours uncomfortably slouched, struggling to see a three-dimensional picture from an obscured viewpoint, I’d start stalking my neighbor again. Instead of 3-D, I’d much prefer a well-told story, but I guess I’m just old fashioned like that. To make things even worse, 3-D jacks up ticket prices by three bucks.  No thank you, Hollywood.

2. Transformers 2 (Painful. Just painful)
3. The Twilight/Vampire Phenomenon (Twitards. ‘Nuff Said)
4. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
5. Ace Ventura Jr: Pet Detective (Seriously, this is a real movie. I’m not joking)

BEST GEEK PRODUCT OF 2009

1. Windows 7/ Mac OS Snow Leopard

Amidst the litany of Mac hating and PC bashing, the two big boys in the world of computing both managed to release two new operating systems. And, wouldn’t you know it? They’re both pretty damn good. Each OS contains a slew of robust features. Not to mention, they both have pretty graphic interfaces, and have firmly launched us into the world of 64 bit.

2. The Canon 7D (Digital SLR and HD camcorder… hmm… oh the possibilities)
3. PS3 (Price Drop)
4. iPhone 3Gs
5. MacBook Updates

BEST GEEK MOMENT OF 2009

1.  Jackie Earle Haley becomes Rorschach

Regardless of what you thought of the movie, there is no arguing that this guy totally 100% nailed what we all thought Rorschach to look like and sound like, both in and out of the mask. There were moments when sitting and watching this movie where I had to pinch myself, and wished I could go back in time and tell the teenage version of me that one day, not only will Watchmen get made, but Rorschach was gonna be pitch perfect.

2.The Black Lanterns rise and unleash psychological hell on our heroes in Blackest Night.
3. Old Spock says “I have been, and always shall be, your friend” to young Kirk, causing a lump in the throat on all old school Trek geeks worldwide.
4. SPOILERS FOR INGLORIOUS BASTERDS – World War II Ends in a WAY cooler fashion than in real life.
5. Dr. Manhattan’s Origin – Arguably the most complicated part of the comic is translated beautifully.

WORST GEEK MOMENT OF 2009

1. Terminator Salvation 

We’ve been waiting forever for the “Future Wars”, and they were just… eh.

2. Transformers speak Ebonics
3. Yet Another Saw movie comes out
4. Not enough people went and saw Drag Me to Hell, insuring more torture porn and remakes sequels.
5. Starbuck is an Angel. Whatevah.

BEST GEEK PRODUCT OF 2009

Star Trek 2-Disc Blu Ray

Back when DVD first came out, the studios were trying to lure in the early adopters, the film geeks, into buying their product. Every movie it seemed came loaded with special features. In the last few years, DVD’s have gotten lame on us and the studios have cheaped out. Except that the new Star Trek Blu Ray is old school, chock full of special features that are actually cool. You haven’t spent this long with DVD extras since you got that Lord of the Rings Extended DVD set 5 years ago.

——- JIM PELLEGRINELLI ——-

BEST GEEK PRODUCT OF 2009

Blackest Night Promotional Power Rings, DC COMICS

When I was four, I wanted nothing on Earth more than a power ring. Now I have eight. EIGHT! And they were free! FREE! Two fists full of power rings! They make it hard to type, and forget about playing Xbox, but. TWO! FISTS! FULL! OF! FREE! POWER! RINGS!

For many of us, music in 2009 died when Kanye West claimed that a music video of Beyonce Knowles dancing in front of a white background was somehow one of the best music videos of all time. Oh, and that Michael Jackson guy. He was taken from us too soon, I suppose.

Luckily for us philistines, Noel Nocciolo had her ears perked throughout the year and now brings forth her picks for the Best Albums of 2009. And stay tuned afterwards, because none other than Jonathan London himself might chime in too!

“End of” lists time, kids, and this year, my tops were all over the place.  Hopefully, there is something for everyone.  And remember, like with most things in art, “best” is in the eye of the beholder.

10. Rocco DeLuca And The Burden, Mercy

Haunting, sexy, lustful, rock and roll from Los Angeles’ Gibson Dobro-playing prodigy, Rocco DeLuca, and his band, The Burden.  Produced by U2’s storied producer, Daniel Lanois, released by Kiefer Sutherland’s Ironworks Records.  You can read more about it here: http://www.geekscape.net/features/3e0bba20b525c0dfbd3c9d180b0e11b1/

9. Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeros, Up From Below

The story is this: boy gets sober, moves out of house, breaks up with girlfriend.  Boy meets girl, falls in love.   Boy and girl write nouveau-folk music together.  Boy and girl record album and tour the USA with a bunch of musician friends in a big white school bus.  As much as I continuously roll my eyes both at the story, (Minus the sobriety.  I back that.  Hard.) and that boy is consistently spotted at the hippest of the hip spots in LA and NYC….I have to say that annoyances aside, this is a great album.  Earthy, rootsy, hand-clapping, appropriate use of mandolins, keys, ukelele, percussion and choral background vocals.  Its reminiscent quality of an analog age in Woodstock, New York, drops it onto my list.

8. Heartless Bastards, The Mountain

The Bastards had the best opening-song-off-an-album of the year, (or maybe ever) with title track, “The Mountain.”  Check out more:  (http://www.geekscape.net/features/449d7cdbace1da686cb5bb654de2b148/ )

7. Vaneese Thomas, Soul Sister, Vol One.

Everything old is new again with the gorgeous Thomas; who I loved learning was one of the singing Muses in Disney’s Hercules!  Taking classic songs from the golden age of R&B, and singing from the bottom of her heart to an audience who is probably unfamiliar with the purity of this style, she put out a record of gems.  This is an album you and your parents can agree upon.

6. Ha Ha Tonka, Novel Sounds Of The Nouveau South

One of the freshest takes on alt-country I’ve heard in quite some time.  2007’s Buckle In The Bible Belt is bad-ass, to boot.  Check them out!

5. The Dead Weather, Horehound

Jack White kills it, once again.  In this project, he teams with Alison Mosshart of The Kills, Dean Fertita of Queens Of The Stone Age and Jack Lawrence of The Raconteurs.  It is gritty, delicious rock and roll.  Splashed hard with Tennessee whiskey.

4. Lady GaGa, The Fame Monster

Love, hate, judge, whatever….appreciate her crazy costumes, makeup and approach at being a pop star.  She is not going anywhere.  Her songs will not leave your head, but will make you dance and some may even make you think.  About life.  Or weird fashion.

3. DJ MR. F Mixtapes #1 and #2

What do you get when you mash-up Sesame Street, Butthole Surfers, Green Day and Tupac Shakur?  You get a bad-ass track from DJ MR. F.  Named after that eponymous episode of “Arrested Development,” MR F DJs around New York City, Boston and in Austin at parties during South By Southwest.  My faves include Afroman vs Jackson 5, Third Eye Blind vs Nelly, Vampire Weekend vs. Eminem and Jay Z vs Alanis Morrisette, with a splash of Abba.  Ideal for a dance party or playlist to work out to, MR F’s two mixtapes, are available for free download here: 

Mix Tape #1: http://www.box.net/shared/69f2bjennk
Mix Tape #2: http://www.box.net/shared/p9sekkudd0

2.  Wilco, (The Album)

Let the debates begin.  It is oft speculated by the very hardcore that 2002’s Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and 2004’s A Ghost Is Born are the bands’s (namely Jeff Tweedy’s) crowning achievements and 2009’s release as well as 2007’s Sky Blue Sky are Tweedy’s decline into “dad-rock.” Yankee and Ghost, in addition to being epic and experimentally gorgeous, are Jeff Tweedy and his struggle with his addiction.  If Wilco never makes another record in the vein of those two and Tweedy stays sober as a direct or indirect result…I am very much ok with that scenario.  Though I LOVE this year’s album, too; there is a kind of lyrical sadness and longing to it as a whole, whether he’s (presumably) singing about the W. Bush administration in “Country Disappeared” or about a man’s suffering, painted like a Monet painting in “Deeper Down.”  Indie-rock darling, Feist, sits in on the soul-shattering, “You and I” and delivers the hurt with tenderness.  Tweedy got sober; he didn’t get a lobotomy.  The music may have evolved, but it is still worth the listen.

1. fun. Aim And Ignite

fun. is my pick for album of the year, not to mention debut of the year.  fun. is the best new musical group to come out of 2009.  Period.  They will be on tour most of 2010 so you can see the magic in person.  Taking the individual talents of its three members, Nate Ruess, formerly of The Format, Andrew Dost, formerly of Anathallo and Jack Antonoff of Steel Train, lyrics, arrangements and guitar thrashing, respectively, and sometimes an amalgamation of all three, plus the talents of their touring musicians, they not only live up to their name, but are simply exquisite.  “Benson Hedges” (randomly named after Peter Dinklage‘s character in Michael Showalter’s ‘The Baxter’) and “Barlights” have just the right amount of soul, making you almost forget that these are the creations of three suburban white boys.  Dost’s wistful “Light A Roman Candle With Me” is the best Brian Wilson song that Wilson wasn’t well enough to write.  Buy it, and love it.

Most Anticipated Album of 2010

The Yet-To-Be-Titled Second Album from Tally Hall

Recently tracked with producer Tony Hoffer, (Beck, Belle & Sebastian) the Michigan quintet have taken a turn for the more-mature and dark stylings of quirky nerd-rock.  This is sure to be a treat.

——- AND NOW FOR TWO CENTS FROM JONATHAN LONDON ——-

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

The Leftovers – Eager to Please

It’s simple. It’s fast. And it’s fun. Ever since suburban garage born punk rockers realized they could get rich rocking out 15 years ago, it seems like most bands have clawed and scratched at each other to overwrite, overcomplicate and oversell their sound. Bands like Green Day, Rancid and Blink 182 established big careers and bigger fan bases with straightforward rock songs that they left behind to pursue more developed sounds. With Green Day it worked (once… but then they tried it again). Blink 182 capsized their band when they pushed the directions too far (you really think they’re back together and NOT just doing a reunion tour? Where’s the album already?). Rancid had to go back and reestablish their sound with an album this year that sounds almost identical to their late 90s sound. What’s so wrong with sticking with what you know and just having fun with it?

Luckily, Portland Maine’s The Leftovers aren’t trying to impress you as much as their just trying to get you on your feet and dancing. There are 16 tracks on Eager to Please and every one of them does its job well. Some people might lump this in with the slew of Ramones influenced groups from 10 years ago but give yourself a listen and you’ll find a lot more going on here. This band takes everything that was RIGHT with The Ramones, Screeching Weasel and The Buzzcocks and meets them halfway. While every young band and their mom are trying to reinvent folk music (what the FUCK kind of BULLSHIT FAD IS THAT!?! REALLY!?!) and learning to play the banjo or ukulele in order to stand out, The Leftovers are too busy delivering songs we actually want to hear. You won’t find them proving that they can grow moustaches or pull off wearing their dad’s stupid hats (and sister’s stupid pants) on stage. Thank you, Portland Maine for a breath of fresh air. I’m officially a Leftovers fan of for life.

SONG OF THE YEAR

Weezer – (If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To

Go ahead and say what you will about Weezer. I think it’ll land somewhere between “I miss that Pinkerton sound” and “they’ve sucked since Matt Sharp left”. Are you done? Did you get it out of your system? Great. Because the rest of us are living in the present day and are better off for it. I get the fact that you think no Weezer album since 1996 has felt as complete as those first two albums and that the bands’ b-sides are almost always more satisfying… BUT YOU WERE ALSO 15 FUCKING YEARS OLD! Here are some of the other things you liked when you were 15: Pogs, Final Fantasy 7, getting your head smacked into a locker because you couldn’t throw a punch and racing home after school to smack it before a) your parents got home or b) the memory of your French teacher faded completely and left you staring at a Sports Illustrated Swim Suit issue from 1992.

Now that we’re all here in the present, thank you, Weezer, for putting out the kind of song that just makes your day feel a little bit better. My friend Tony Hartman describes it as “the kind of song that animals in a Disney movie would dance to” and we both view that as a huge positive. The radio dial is crowded with bands and artists working too hard to be taken seriously and Weezer get it done just by being who they’ve always been: the kind of guys who used to be more into pogs, Final Fantasy 7 and getting their heads smacked into lockers because they couldn’t throw a punch. They’ve grown up along side us and if you find that their recent albums are only 50% what you’re looking for (then you’ll enjoy the b-sides compilation coming out in 2010… AND the Pinkerton reissue with bonus material), all I can say is go back and listen to those first two albums today and TRY not to skip a few tracks. When you’re done, we’ll be back here in the present day, dancing like animals in a Disney movie to this fun and uplifting Weezer song.

  

Critics love year-end “Best of” lists because it gives us an opportunity to spread the word about great works of art that our readers may have missed the first time around. We also love “Worst of” lists because it gives us one last opportunity to strike back at those works that made us bleed out of our eyes and genitalia. In this, the first in our series of articles looking back at 2009, Geekscape writers from around the globe contribute their lists for the Best and Worst Movies (and performances) of the Year!

——- JONATHAN LONDON ——-

BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR:

1. Red Cliff

Like thousands of kids now struggling with DV cameras nationwide, two men made me want to go to film school: Sam Raimi and John Woo. You can switch one or the other out with a Kevin Smith or a Peter Jackson, sure, but for me, those two guys told me that it was okay (and profitable!) to tell stories in the way I saw them in my head. Sadly, one of my heroes couldn’t quite make a totally satisfying movie for Hollywood studios. I worried if John Woo would ever reclaim his magic as a storyteller. Red Cliff turned all of that around. Not only is the US combination of Red Cliffs 1 & 2 a really well done war movie, it’s also a great love story, revenge story, friendship story, period piece and (if you listen to Big Yanks’ insistence that this is basically Dynasty Warriors on screen) video game movie. For those of you in the forums doubting my ability to enjoy movies or hating on films solely because they’re over two hours long, let Red Cliff be your call to shut your mouth. The movie is almost three hours long and every minute of it is completely awesome and inspiring.

2. World’s Greatest Dad
3. Inglourious Basterds
4. Star Trek
5. More Than a Game
6. District 9
7. Moon
8. Watchmen

Now your friends can say “I didn’t get it” to a movie instead of to the comic book you loaned them. Either way, it’s a very competent translation that we are lucky to have received (because there WAS going to be a Watchmen movie one way or another… now Hollywood can move on) and all it cost us was giving Zack Snyder a Superman Returns style career setback. Zack will be back and your old books are still there on the shelf. At least now we have a better ending. And yes, Snyder’s rewritten Watchmen ending is better than Moore’s original.

9. Fantastic Mr. Fox
10. The Hurt Locker

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Black Dynamite, 500 Days of Summer, Taken, Gentlemen Broncos (if only because my brother Paul and I spent 99% of the movie laughing our asses off and trying to talk like Peter York – one of the best experiences I’ve ever had in a theater).

WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR 

1. X-Men Origins: The Adventures of Jimmy Logan (AKA A Man Named Wolverine)

He’s “the best there is at what he does” even if all we’ve seen up to the 15 minute mark in which he says this is Jimmy Logan catching a bunch of bullets, standing there while the rest of Weapon X (or more like Alpha Flight) do all the work and yell “Victor! No!” And you know what? The movie doesn’t do much more than that (although it DOES have a plot twist that succeeds in making our main character DUMBER… “fake blood? huh? really? Did he just LEAVE HER IN THE WOODS!?!”). This was a Wolverine story only for the reasons that he popped his claws and hung out with a few people named from characters in the books. I think that our episode review pretty much covers everything that needs to be said about this misstep (and there’s a lot). Sorry, Hugh. You’re still the best at being our Jimmy Logan… just bring a better script with you next time. 

2. Gamer
3. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li
4. Terminator: Retardation

McG thinks that people hated on this movie because they don’t like him or his name. Come on, McG. You’re no Bret Ratner. We don’t hate you at all. We just think that this movie is a complete mess… It’s actually ranked higher on my list of Worst Movies than GI Joe because I had HOPE that it would be a good film and that McG would pull it off (where as I knew from seeing Snake Eyes’ rubber lips that THAT movie was doomed)! I was rooting for you, McG! And somewhere deep down, I still do… just maybe the whole Terminator thing isn’t your bag. Sincerely, your friend, JLo (I hear people hate that name too but I can’t imagine why).

5. G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra
6. Friday the 13th
7. 9 (the CG animated one)
8. 2012
9. Land of the Lost
10. Avatar (amazingly impressive sprinkles on an impressively lame piece of $#!@)

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR (MALE/FEMALE):

Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds

You know what? It’s already been said a million times. He made an already incredible movie even better. From the second he first asks for a glass of milk, you knew that you were watching the US arrival of an incredible talent.

——- WILLIAM BIBBIANI ——-

BEST FILMS OF 2009

1. Taken

In a year of special effects extravaganzas, brilliant animation, and spine-tingling instant horror classics, the film that had, and still has, the greatest impact on me was this beautiful tale of a man’s love for his daughter, expressed in bullets, brutality and bloodshed. Liam Neeson gives one of his finest performances as a man who abandons a violent career to care for his daughter, who after years of coming in second to national security now wants nothing to do with him. When she’s kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery, it’s up to him to use all of the talents that originally destroyed their family in order to save her life. Expertly directed, elegantly written and surprisingly plausible, this is that rare action movie that’s as dramatic as it is thrilling, and in my book it’s the best film of the year.

2. World’s Greatest Dad
3. Inglourious Basterds
4. Up
5. The Fantastic Mr. Fox
6. House of the Devil
7. District 9 (Original ideas, sharp writing and balls to the wall action, all for $30 million? Take that, Avatar!)
8. Up in the Air
9. Coraline
10. Drag Me to Hell

HONORABLE MENTIONS: The Brothers Bloom, G.I. Joe: Resolute, The International, Moon, Star Trek, State of Play, Trick ‘r Treat, We Live in Public

WORST FILMS OF 2009

1. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

It’s easy to give brainless big-budget blockbusters a pass these days, but is it really too much to ask for good brainless big-budget blockbusters? Stephen Sommers, who can direct a decent movie every once in a while (The Mummy, and I’ll even give the idiotic Van Helsing a few stars on a good day), made one of the most inept films of the decade in this tired mish-mash that has as little to do with G.I. Joe as it does with coherent storytelling. Super soldiers engineered to feel neither pain nor fear that scream in pain in fear throughout the entire film, a master of disguise whose biggest talent is his uncanny ability to steal hats, Snake Eyes dying in one scene and then back – without comment – in the next, a weapons manufacturer who can’t activate his own invention, and a training montage clearly spanning days that’s supposed to take place in a few hours? There is nothing about G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra that doesn’t make me want torture the filmmakers in the worst way imaginable: by making them watch their own damned film.

2. Avatar

The more I think about this film, the more its glaring flaws piss me off. From a protagonist who could have prevented countless deaths by having a quick conversation at some point over the course of three months instead of fucking around in the woods riding horsies and making doe-eyes at a girl who is engaged to someone else, to constant portrayals of bestiality (often with those same horsies), to the ending that doesn’t make any sense if you have the slightest understanding of human nature (you do know that they’re coming back with nukes, right?), to a message of white supremacy only thinly veiled by its already problematic message of liberal guilt, this is an awful movie with excellent special effects, and it’s only #2 on my list because G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra didn’t even have excellent special effects.

3. Year One
4. Adventureland (While not actually the worst film of the year, it does get my vote for the dullest.)
5. The Unborn
6. Crank 2: High Voltage
7. Obsessed
8. Duplicity
9. The Girlfriend Experience
10. Fast and Furious

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS: Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, The Burning Plain, Ninja Assassin, Public Enemies, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, The Taking of Pelham 123, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, 2012, X-Men Origins: Wolverine

BEST PERFORMANCES OF 2009

1. Robin Williams, World’s Greatest Dad

Sometimes you have to give credit where credit is due. Robin Williams, who still spends most of his time catering to the lowest common denominator, gave the performance of his career as the loving father of the most unlovable child imaginable, who makes a series of horrifying choices over the course of Bobcat Goldthwait’s brilliant dark comedy. It is a testament to Williams’ formidable (and often unexercised) acting abilities that some of the most incredible and unthinkable acts that occurred on camera in 2009 aren’t just believable, but downright lovable. Though destined to be underappreciated, World’s Greatest Dad and Williams’ stellar lead performance are not to be missed.

2. Sam Rockwell, Moon
3. Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
4. Tom Hardy, Bronson
5. Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
6. Jocelin Donahue, House of the Devil
7. Kim Basinger, The Burning Plain (Recipient of this year’s “Bad Movie, Great Performance” Award.)
8. Tom Felton, Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince
9. Sharlto Copley, District 9
10. Liam Neeson, Taken

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Eric Chase Anderson – The Fantastic Mr. Fox, Emily Blunt – Sunshine Cleaning, Vera Farmiga – Up in the Air, Chris Klein – Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, Betsy Rue – My Bloody Valentine 3D, Zachary Quinto – Star Trek, Patrick Wilson – The Watchmen

——- NAR WILLIAMS ——–

FAVORITE MOVIE OF 2009:

1. Moon

You can keep your D-9, for all the talk of its social themes it was no more than an adventure flick with a refugee camp as a backdrop. For smart sci-fi in the Kubrick tradition, I turn to Duncan Jones’ brilliant Moon, a film that deftly covers the most interesting and pressing questions about our world – unpleasant corporate practices, natural resource consumption, relationships with Artificial Intelligence – all while lunar miner Sam Bell is faced with a serious existential crisis. Everything about this film was excellent: from Jones’ handling of what must’ve been very complicated staging, to Clint Mansell’s original score and Nathan Parker’s screenplay, to Sam Rockwell’s virtuoso performance. BRAVO.

2. Inglourious Basterds (Fuck you, Hitler!)
3. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (The most fun I’ve had at the movies all year.)
4. Food, Inc. (Required viewing. And people wonder why I’m vegetarian…)
5. The Road (A faithful adaptation that is almost as powerful as the source material.)

LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE OF 2009:

1. The Watchmen

Watchmen is not the worst movie of the year – but it was my least favorite experience, given my high expectations and respect for Alan Moore’s masterwork. Perhaps Zack Snyder’s 2.5 hour slow-mo music video will make future graphic novel adaptors take heed: you can’t just copy comic book panels frame for frame and expect to make a faithful and satisfying adaptation. The film also suffered from being way too pretty — the movie’s design gave the book’s dark and gritty world the gloss polishing of an Entertainment Weekly cover shoot.

2. Twilight Saga: New Moon (Glitter and emo: the kids love it.)
3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
4. Year One
5. Old Dogs (Travolta + Mork = Stop making movies.)

BEST MOVIE PERFORMANCE OF 2009

1. SAM ROCKWELL, “SAM BELL”, MOON

I honestly don’t know where to start – if you haven’t seen the film, it’d be unfair for me to go too in depth here. Let’s just say it’s a career performance in an already impressive career. Remember how boring and uninspired I Am Legend was? That’s because Will Smith just isn’t interesting enough to watch in every frame of a 2 hour movie, all alone up on screen. Few actors are. But Sam Rockwell has the nuance, charm, and acting chops to do it here – drawing you in to every angle we see Sam Bell’s multi-faceted personality from. Rockwell’s performance will be studied by students of acting for decades to come, believe me. Awesome.

2. Nicolas Cage, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (I’m a Nic Cage fan, and you need look no further than this gem to see why.)
3. Christopher Waltz, Inglourious Basterds (He’s creepy evil in four different languages.)
4. Sharlto Copely, District 9 (From goofy and light-hearted to tortured and desperate, he’s great.)
5. Viggo Mortensen, The Road (Absolutely inhabits the role.)

——- HONG S. CHE ——-

BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR

1. Star Trek

When people ask me what my favorite thing in the entire planet I respond with, “blow jobs”. The favorite thing I love after oral sex is Star Trek.  (Yes I even love it more than Star Wars, if you have a problem with that you should shove it right in the hole where Lucas raped your childhood in.) How ever after Deep Space Nine (Best Star Trek series ever. Why? Because it had a black Jesus) the franchise from every possible angle was being totally and utterly screwed. From shows like Star Trek: Voyager and Enterprise to the Next Generation Movies the stories went from suck to shit. Star Trek was dead. Then in 2009 J.J. Abrams decided to add something that was missing in Trek for years; he added fun. I actually shed a tear at the opening sequence not because it was emotional but because my favorite franchise was treated with care and respect.

2. District 9
3. Up
4. Inglourious Basterds
5. Moon
6. Fantastic Mr. Fox
7. Black Dynamite
8. Zombie Land
9. Drag Me To Hell
10. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR

1. Tranformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

I just sat here staring blankly at the computer screen like a Vietnam Vet having a flashback and frankly it hurt. I didn’t want to relive the horrible, illogical plotline, the terrible racist characters and the nearly 3 hour running time that made the movie less like entertainment more like an endurance test withstanding torture.

2. Disney’s A Christmas Carol
3. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
4. Terminator: Salvation
5. Friday the 13th
6. Underworld 3: Rise of The Lycans
7. 9 (the CG animated one)
8. Monsters Vs Aliens
9. G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra
10. Twilight Saga: New Moon (Okay I admit I haven’t seen this one but I’m just taking a wild guess that it sucks.)

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR

1. Christoph Waltz as Col. Hans Landa – Inglourious Basterds

Waltz manages to some how at the same time to be chilling, funny, deliciously evil and cunning. He manages to do this while speaking in German, French and English. Waltz manages to do all of this in the first twenty minutes of the movie! Words flow from his lips with such ease and joy of craft of acting that he is destined from an Academy Award.

2. Gabourey Sidibe as Precious – Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
3. Paula Patton as Mr. Rain – Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
4. Mo’Nique as Mary – Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
5. Sam Rockwell as Sam Bell – Moon
6. Sharlto Copley as Wikus Van De Merwe – District 9
7. Michael Jai White as Black Dynamite – Black Dynamite
8. Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach – Watchmen
9. George Clooney as Mr. Fox – Fantastic Mr. Fox
10. Chris Pine as James Tiberius Kirk – Star Trek

——- ERIC A. DIAZ ——-

BEST MOVIE OF 2009

1. Star Trek

2. Up
3. Inglorious Basterds
4. Zombieland
5. Watchmen (Zack Snyder proved you can take the “unfilmable” and make it pretty damn filmable. Maybe not a masterpiece as a film, but a masterpiece in ambition and sheer gall.)
6. District 9
7. Coraline
8. Drag Me To Hell
9. Paranormal Activity
10. Black Dynamite

WORST MOVIE OF 2009

1. Transformers 2: The Revenge of Michael Bay on the Public

First off, I actually liked the first one. In wasn’t great cinema, but like 80’s movies like Gremlins, it was silly and fun and knew what it was. Transformers 2 is atrocious, insulting, racist, and never, ever seems to end. And it is also so far up it’s own ass with its whole mythology, one that doesn’t even make sense. And again, It is also atrociously racist. The things wrong with this movie are too numerous to list.

2. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
3. Terminator: Salvation
4. Obsessed (Terrible in kind of an awesome way though.)
5. A Haunting in Conneticut
6-10. Would probably be filled with the likes of Twilight, GI Joe, Paul Blart, and other surely terrible movies, but I didn’t actually see them so I can’t justify adding them to any list.

BEST MOVIE PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR

1. Chris Pine as James T. Kirk

I always figured when they inevitably rebooted Trek that whoever would play Kirk would do nothing but a bad Shatner impersonation. So happy I was wrong. Chris Pine captures all the charm of 60’s Kirk, with a dash of Han Solo and a tinge of Bond, and creates his own charming persona that still echoes Shat without being an imitation. He also gets the #1 slot in my book because he is smokin’ hot and spends a good two minutes of screen time in his undies.  Thank you God.

2. The rest of the cast of Star Trek
3. Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach
4. Sharlto Copley – District 9
5. Christian Bale as himself on the set of Terminator Salvation. Not so much in the movie itself.

——- IVAN KANDER ——-

BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR

1. Up

Damn those folks at Pixar…can they screw up just once to prove that they’re actually human? Up is the next film to join the ranks of what has quickly become one of the greatest cinematic pedigrees ever. Once again, Pixar delivers an exceptional narrative filled with deceptively simple storytelling, beautiful animation, and layers of honest emotion. Now, there’s something worth getting your hopes Up for.

2. The Hurt Locker (Should win best picture. It won’t.)
3. (500) Days of Summer
4. The Brothers Bloom
5. I Love You, Man
6  The Princess and the Frog
7. Inglourious Basterds
8. District 9
9. World’s Greatest Dad
10. State of Play (Most underrated movie of the year. Seriously, check it out folks).

*Note: I still haven’t had a chance to see many Oscar-buzzed films (Precious, Up in the Air, Avatar, A Serious Man, Crazy Heart, Nine, Invictus, Avatar, etc.)

WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR

1. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

What’s big, loud, dumb and has big boobs? The answer (besides your sister) is Michael Bay’s Transformers 2.  Here’s a movie that represents all that is wrong with the world today—it’s vapid, far too long, annoying, poorly written, and has about as much subtly as one of Elton John’s jumpsuits. This, ladies and gentleman, is why the terrorists hate us.

2. The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (More shooting and praying for douches)
3. Dragon Ball Z: Evolution
4. Paul Blart: Mall Cop
5. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
6. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
7. Obsessed
8. I Love You, Beth Cooper
9. Twilight: New Moon
10. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR

1. Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds

What more can be said about Christoph Walts’s electrifying turn as Nazi Col. Hans “Jew Hunter” Landa in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds? This is one of the best performances I’ve seen in years…and it’s filled with such range! He’s scary. He’s charming. He’s funny. He speaks three languages. If someone told me that he could walk on water, I think I just might believe it.  Waltz is easily the best thing about Tarntino’s film, and thus he tops my performance list for this year.

2. Jeremy Renner – The Hurt Locker
3. Robin Williams – World’s Greatest Dad
4. Zach Galifianakis – The Hangover
5. Chris Pine – Star Trek
6. Adam Sandler – Funny People
7. Michael Jai White – Black Dynamite
8. Meryl Streep – Julie and Julia
9. Paul Rudd/Jason Segal – I Love You, Man
10. Sasha Grey – The Girlfriend Experience

——- JIM PELLIGRINELLI ——-

BEST MOVIES OF 2009

1. Up

THIS. IS. PIXAR. Unless you have no soul, Up is guaranteed to make you cry during the first fifteen minutes. If you did not cry, check the nearest mirror to see if you have a reflection, and consult a priest. Bittersweet, funny, and poignant, this is a better film than the multiplex deserves. If Pixar were a God, I’d be tossing virgins into a volcano in its name.

2. District 9
3. Zombieland
4. Adventureland
5. Coraline

WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR

Jennifer’s Body

Nearly naked Megan Fox. Follow-up screenplay by Oscar winner Diablo Cody. Gory horror movie. Lipstick lesbianism. Sounds like a recipe for success, doesn’t it? But on every conceivable level Jennifer’s Body misfires more profoundly than a wet forty-five with a rock lodged in the barrel. Self-congratulatory when it thinks its clever, ludicrous where it means to be scary, and flat where it needs to pop, the film fails to deliver one tenth of its promised goods. If you still need to look at its star, do yourself a favor and download some pics off TMZ or WWTDD for free.

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR

Woody Harrelson, Zombieland

Sometimes only a Twinkie will do. And when you need a countrified, gun-toting, banjo swinging, zombie killing machine, only Woody Harrelson will do. Treating the end of the world as an opportunity to cut loose, Woody’s Tallahassee made a zombie apocalypse look like fun. Sure he’s a little sad and soulful on the inside, but that doesn’t stop him from treating the newly empty world as one big playground. Zombies may be out to eat him, but the only thing really dragging him down is missing his favorite snack cake.

——- MARTIN SCHERER ——-

BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR: Zombieland

I’m not one who views many movies in the theatres– I tend to wait for the rental disc get to me in the mail, and that can take a long time. Point is, that I have to go out of my way to see a movie in the theatre, and I’m glad I did for Zombieland.

Zombieland was the one movie I heard nothing about until I saw its trailer before D9, and it became the one movie this summer I wanted to hear more about.  Sure, Star Trek may have restarted the sci-fi genre, D9 showed us what you can do with a small budget and Inglorious Basterds reminded us that Tarantino is still a master— but Zombieland, what could have easily been a genre flick, reminded me that you can still have pure fun at the movies.

From the moment in the opening credits when a zombie stripper is chasing down a victim, to the search for a particular hostess snack at the end, I found myself with a non-stop smile on my face. There were parts that made me squirm, there were parts that made me laugh, and parts that made me feel for the main characters. More movies need to be made with the energy and creativity that this movie showed.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Inglourious Basterds, Star Trek, Up, District 9

WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR:  (500) Days of Summer

Dear (500) Days of Summer,

You didn’t suck hard, after all you had Joseph Gordon-Levitt and referenced Joy Division and the Pixies. But you were just the bottom of a list that was about 12 movies long. It’s nothing personal, it’s business.

Actually, on second thought, it is personal. The reason I put you so low on this list is because of about 15 seconds of film– specifically the last 15 seconds.  Your director, editor, producer, or someone in your life should have reminded you that cute on paper doesn’t always translate well to the screen.

With much respect,

Martin

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR:  Paul Rudd

I’ll admit it, I have a man crush on Rudd. While he didn’t put on the best performance this year (that goes to our favourite Nazi, Christoph Waltz ,from Inglorious Basterds) he continues to impress me with what he does in the roles that he is casted in. To me Rudd is the amazing mirror of my life. In Knocked Up, I sympathized with his need to do things away from the family, and in I Love You, Man! I sympathized with his plight to find a wedding party, and to make friendships be more then just a series of acquaintances. Paul Rudd to me is a lot like Jimmy Stewart, when he wants to, he can make you (or at least me) feel what his character is going through and want to cheer him on.

Of course you can argue that my whole judgement is not based on his abilities, but with the work of Hollywood casting agents. To you I say: ‘Sir, you are a jackass’.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds, Sharlto Copley – District 9

As the year draws to a close, it’s time to take inventory on what we’ve experienced together as a community! What were the highlights? What were the low lights? We are taking these categories (for which you can post your nominations in the Geekscape forums) and awarding the winners later this month at the 3rd Annual Geekscape Party!

Post some of your favorite nominations in the forums and send in YOUR votes to jonathan@geekscape.net with the Subject Heading: 3RD ANNUAL GEEKSCAPE AWARDS!

• Best Episode
• Best Guest Host
  
• Best Show Moment
  
• Best Movie
  
• Best Comic Book
  
• Best Audience Moment (Comic Con, Off Camera Shenanigans, etc.)
  
• Best Geekscape Team Moment (Gilmore, Dunn, Jake108)
  
• Favorite Forum Member
  
• Favorite Geekscape Features Writer
  
• Best Geekscape Article
  
• Best Video Game
  
• Best Forum/Thread
• The Worst Thing That Happened This Year!

Pretty simple! All votes need to be in by midnight on DECEMBER 15th PST! You don’t have to vote in every category… but you DO have to vote… It’s your Geekscapist duty!

This guy wins at life. Every time.

I REALLY hadn’t planned to spend $12.50 and 2.5 hours of my life on Twilight: New Moon, I swear. I could have eventually seen so far as to make it a part of my Netflix queue, but don’t consider that as testament to actual enthusiasm on my part – my queue is topping out just under three hundred titles at the moment. And as for being a discerning Netflixer, in my queue I have crap like Scarecrow Gone Wild and Starrbooty (starring RuPaul!).

Add to this my wholeheartedly BLAH feelings for the first installment, and the dead last thing I thought I would be doing this Friday was contributing to what I felt would be a bloated, undeserved, record-breaking gross. In fact, I felt a little duty bound to NEVER see New Moon in a theater at all. Because while the franchise itself is a juggernaut and the sequels are no doubt inevitable, my own cinephilic integrity demanded that I not tacitly endorse this film in a monetary fashion.

But then Jonathan London came to New York this week and my resolutions went out the window.

We were supposed to go see John Woo’s Red Cliff at New York’s Sunshine Cinema on Thursday night. But instead of being allowed to go to the box office to get our tickets, the NYPD held us back, because the New Moon premiere screening was just getting out. For those of you not from New York, the Sunshine is an independent/arthouse theater, the kind of place where you’d see a Coen Brothers or Wong Kar Wei film. The last thing we expected was to be stuck in the rain, ears assaulted by the shrill shrieks of estrogen addled 15-year-olds swooning over Robert Pattinson’s bony ass as he photo-walked to his waiting Escalade. But there we were. It occurred to me that some PR flak who scheduled the Twilight premiere had picked the Sunshine cinema out of a sense of irony. While I was momentarily stunned to think of Twilight and irony in the same sentence, Jonathan, with a Geekscape episode to tape the next day, suggested I go see it.

And now, a multiple choice question:

Jonathan wanted Jim to see Twilight: New Moon because –
A) Given the movie’s huge hype and fanbase, it would be timely to talk about it on a Geekscape podcast with someone who had actually seen it. Jim is unemployed and will add the cost of the movie ticket to his deduction on his 2009 tax return anyway.
B) Jim, like Jonathan himself, is a bit of a cinephilic masochist who enjoys bad/mediocre movies, especially for the express purpose of busting on them mercilessly, and ESPECIALLY busting on them in a public forum like a podcast.
C) Jim has an old school/traditionalist preference in his vampire stories. Accordingly, Jonathan realized Twilight’s wimpy vampires/campy teen melodrama/Christian overtones/overall mediocrity might incense Jim and result in a florid, expletive filled review/diatribe.
D) Jim had recently told Jonathan about the vampire sexual fetishism that Twilight inspires, as evidenced by a Twilight style dildo that has been successfully launched in the adult novelty marketplace. Jim gave Jonathan jaw-dropping product descriptions of the device including (but not limited to) its pallid coloring, sparkling glitter (take it out in the daylight!) and temperature retaining silicone composition (stick it in the fridge for that authentic vampire experience!). X-Rated unauthorized cash-in product + Outwardly wholesome Christian PG-13 rated movie = Hilarious Podcast!
E) Jonathan thinks Jim is gayer than a spring lamb. You know, the one in that Disney cartoon. Not only does Jim inexplicably know about Twilight dildos, he will lustfully enjoy New Moon’s tribe of muscular half-naked wolfboys, and especially shirtless Robert Pattinson in all his milky white glittery glory!

If you’ve seen the podcast, you know that the correct answer is all of the above, EXCEPT E. And although I am not gay, if I had any proclivity whatsoever this movie could have pushed me over. I haven’t seen so much gratuitous Native American man-flesh since Oliver Stone’s The Doors.

For those of you who have seen/will see the podcast, I won’t reiterate its content for the sake of redundancy, except to say that I am wholeheartedly sorry to the staff and customers of Forbidden Planet for reading the aforementioned explicit dildo product descriptions in so public a setting. To those juvenile consumers whose parents whisked you out of the anime section that evening, I sincerely hope they have not subsequently prohibited your further purchases of Pokemon cards. And to those same parents, let me add that when your child ultimately graduates from Pokemon to Urotsukidoji, I admit no legal culpability. There is no causative link between my words and your nascent adolescent’s sudden addiction to anime tentacle porn. Your lawsuit is with Bandai, not with me.

Clearly, I am NOT part of the core target audience for the Twilight films. But judging by the placement of the film’s advertising and promotions at places like comic conventions, the folks in the Summit Entertainment marketing department sure seem to THINK that an older male geek like me would be interested. I’m older and maler than the tween and teen hardcore fangirls in their Team Edward and Team Jacob shirts, but still they want me and my money anyway.

On the surface, I will admit there are a lot of good reasons to think that the Twilight Saga might cross pollinate to the my segment of the geek community. So why the hell do Edward and his sparkly brethren make me cringe the way regular vampires do from crosses and sunlight?

To start with, Twilight’s genre and stylistic elements are definitely friendly and familiar ground. Big budget supernatural fantasy stories, with lots of characters and complex mythologies? Um, yeah, I love those. The Lord of the Rings extended edition DVDs are a prominent part of my DVD collection, complete with the collector slipcase (available by mail with ROTK if you had purchased the first two already). The Star Wars movies were so intrinsic to my development between the films and toys that I can’t imagine my childhood without them (the prequels are another matter). The Harry Potter movies, while not a personal favorite, often prove intriguing enough (and are typically well cast, which helps) that I’ll venture into a theater, and even when the results are middling, it’s still pretty enjoyable. What’s so different with Twilight?

Well, for starters, the plotting and logic of the story is convoluted, inconsistent, and thoroughly ludicrous. New Moon begins at Bella’s birthday party she accidentally gives herself a paper cut. Edward’s twitchy brother hasn’t discovered the vampire equivalent of methadone yet, so he joneses for her blood so badly that Edward shoves her out of his way like a linebacker. Never mind that Bella weighs eighty-five pounds and he launches her directly into a glass table, this is his way of protecting her. Naturally it makes everything worse, Edward decides it’s too dangerous for them to be together, but rather than just leave himself, his entire family packs up and leaves town and cuts off all contact from her – according to him, it’s because people have started to notice his dad isn’t aging, but since the entire family returns to town at the end of the story anyway, it seems like VERY specious reasoning. His departure makes Bella depressed beyond mopey-so depressed we get a montage dedicated to her mopeyness, which takes about three months of story time and two minutes of screentime, during which Bella sits in a chair while the camera spins around her, and emo music plays while the seasons change. We’ve just started getting into the story, and we’ve already got Edward hurting Bella in an effort to protect her, and uprooting his entire family with his decision to split off from her. Oh, and by the way, the family is her only protection from those evil vamps from the last movie, but I guess the Cullens just forgot about those guys, huh?

Fortunately, Jacob and his Fabio-esuqe hair happen to be a werewolf who can protect her from them, and Bella starts spending time with him to rebound. But first, to get the mopeyness out of her system, Bella discovers that when she’s in danger, like say, by getting on a motorcycle, she gets a fleeting vision of Edward telling her to not do things. Who wouldn’t want to see Ziggy Stardust Jr. chiding them like a Sunday school teacher every time you do some chancy or morally ambiguous activity? So Bella’s big strategy is to buy a motorcycle and not wear a helmet, and in the lingering moments before her concussed brain turns into something resembling a head of cauliflower, she’ll get to see Mr. Sparkle acting wussy. She recruits Jacob to fix the junky mud rocket she bought, because, well, why not, and of course she can take advantage of his free labor because he’s into her. Then Jacob gets initiated into the wolfpack with the other reservation boys, cuts his hair so he looks like an underwear model, and decides to put bros before hos. Apparently Bella hasn’t been watching the same movies as the rest of us, because she has to literally see one of these guys change right in front of her to figure out what’s going on. It turns out that guys in Jacob’s tribe have werewolf genes, they hate vampires, and oh yeah, there’s a real danger that if one of them gets pissed at his girlfriend he might wolf out and claw half her face off. Just ask Sam the pack leader’s girlfriend, Emily Half-Face.

Reviewer pang of liberal conscience/political correctness:
Um…does anybody else have a problem with an allegory that basically suggests that Native Americans might be genetically predisposed to be wife-beaters? Show of hands?

And now, back to our story:
Bella is still hung up on Edward. Guess once you’ve had glitter, everything else tastes bitter. She goes cliff diving to get another look at him, Jacob dives in to save her, takes her home, is about to get some, when Edward calls her and cock-blocks him. But since Jacob answered the phone, Edward thinks Bella is dead, and decides to travel to Italy to make the most convoluted suicide attempt ever.

Let’s begin. There are these three Italian vampires who dress like tasteful Renaissance pimps. One looks like Macaulay Culkin after a hard weekend, one looks like Geoffrey Rush after swallowing a bottle of Vicodin, and the leader appears to be the bastard love child of Bronson Pinchot and Paul Reubens. These guys, the Voltroni I think they’re called, are the vampire government, and they kill vampires who break the law. So Edward has decided to break the vampire law by walking shirtless during some Catholic ritual where everyone in town is wearing red robes so he’ll look extra extra pale and sparkly. First of all, if Edward had picked any major city in the world to do this in, NO ONE WOULD BAT AN EYE. Pale skinny shirtless guy covered in glitter? He’s just a gay club boy finally coming down from last night’s second tab of ecstasy. Secondly, anyone truly serious about killing themselves wouldn’t do it in such a passive, wishy washy way. If Edward REALLY meant to do it, and if it were to have any chance of actually happening, he would’ve broken off the nearest table leg, held it to his chest and fallen on top of it. Bam! DONE! The whole suicide attempt is done purely to create something resembling suspense, but there’s one problem: no one in the audience in their right mind believes there’s any chance that he’s actually going to succeed. At my screening, people actaully laughed, renewing my faith in humanity in general. So Bella prevents Edward from offing himself, he Voltroni are still pissed, which results in some inconsequential fisticuffs in which no one gets klled. Then one pointless argument about who gets to do what to whom, the Voltroni decide to leave them alone, and Bella and Edward get to go home, but for such morally upright vampires they don’t lift a finger to help the American tourists who will be their lunch.

They get back home, and Jacob is of course pissed off at being cock blocked, but that’ll wait until the next sequel. Meanwhile, rather than go through all of this BS again, Bella just wants to be made a vampire, finally displaying the only thimbleful of common sense present in the entire movie. She then makes Edward’s family vote on whether or not they turn her into one. Imagine a family taking a vote on whether or not their son gets to (metaphorically) pork his girlfriend. As the movie started to come to a close, I thought to myself, ‘Only a Mormon could write something like this.’ And then Stephanie Meyer finally did something I DIDN’T expect. She one-upped herself, and not in a good way.

Edward tells Bella that OK, he’ll turn her into a vampire. But he wants her to wait three years. And he’ll only do it if she MARRIES him. As I laughed in the theater (and I had plenty of company) I could imagine Stephanie Meyer in her little writer’s room in her house, probably complete with needlepoint samplers of Bible quotations, smiling sanguinely as she wrote those words and her magic Mormon underwear rode up on her. I can imagine her there even now, rewriting the Frankenstein story so he’s a nice doctor who wants to make a pure perfect boy for some pretty deserving girl to love, but he only harvests parts from people who fill out organ donor cards. And that boy will be so lovely, a patchwork quilt of hunky goodness without the pesky existential torment that makes him want to kill everyone.

This was, is, and ultimately, will always be my problem with the Twilight series, in whatever form and medium: Meyer and her fans think it’s Romeo and Juliet meets Dracula. But in order for there to be tragedy and horror, there actually have to be, y’know, tragedy and horror. And pretending something is epic and Gothic when it is, in fact, just insipid, makes it pretentious in addition to being insipid. This is what it does instead: Twilight takes what is at heart a Gothic idea and gives it a warm, sanitized Christian heart. It’s like making an ice cream sandwich by taking a scoopful of vanilla and putting it between two slices of garlic bread. It takes all that dark, violent sexual death energy, makes it wear a promise ring, and tells it ‘True love waits.’ It takes a myth that is, at its heart, about blood, and makes it completely bloodless. It’s appropriate that none of the vampires in Twilight sport actual fangs; this is a story with no real teeth, just the kind of adolescent sturm and drang that only seems important when you’re fourteen. Unfortunately for Stephanie Meyer, many of those fourteen year old girls will grow up to be eighteen year old girls who will go to secular colleges and have bisexual roommates. But unfortunately for the rest of us, there are more fourteen year old girls every single day, and so long as they spend money, Edward and his family will continue to sparkle on.