Author: GeekscapeStaff

I’m going to be honest here, I really don’t know much about soccer. It seems to be getting more and more popular each day in America, yet us Yankee bastards still don’t seem to enjoy it as much as the rest of the world does. So knowing that, I was feeling pretty hesitant to watch a biopic about a soccer coach from the 70’s I knew nothing about. The first thing that drew me to this film was the well-put-together cast of such British greats as Michael Sheen, Jim Broadbent, Colm Meaney and Wormtail himself, Timothy Spall as Brian Clough’s sidekick Peter Taylor. But, what I came to realize is that this film has so much more to offer than just a great cast. Ultimately, this movie showed me that you can get behind an anti-hero entirely and that the Brits are always finding new ways to be more humorous than us Americans.

The film weaves two stories into one succinct film quite seamlessly.  One is of Brian Clough (Sheen) taking the mantle as manager of Leeds United after Don Revie had held the position for over almost a decade. The conflict here being that the Leeds team sees Clough as an outsider and they do all they can to foil him from greatness. The second story follows Clough a few years prior as he and his assistant Peter Taylor (Spall) struggle at the bottom of the third division. I like both of these stories because we get to see Clough ascend into power and what he is capable of doing to obtain whatever he wants.

It’s so much fun just to watch Michael Sheen play such a bullheaded and lovable douche bag. I don’t think that anyone else could have played this role. Clough does things like going over the board of directors’ heads and buys players they don’t exactly have money for because he thinks they will generate more wins.  The team itself was also very fascinating to watch. Sheen, along with the rest of the cast is very enjoyable to observe. Now that I’ve gotten the acting and story out of the way, I want to talk about the visual components and direction of this film.

Visually I think Ben Smithard was successful in making both the games themselves and normal dialogue scenes look fantastic. I feel like sports films have been stale as of recent. Yet I applaud Smithard for making the matches look extremely gritty and realistic. So realistic I would cringe every time a Leeds player would commit a red card worthy foul. I’m also a sucker for well done blocking of actors and shot composition and a lot of that I may have to give the credit to the director.

Tom Hooper isn’t a known name over here in America yet his last film, Longford, played Sundance in ’06 and he directed a bulk of HBO’s mini John Adams. He shows with this film that he knows how to direct actors quite well; otherwise I don’t think I would have liked the asshole Clough as much as I did. So I think it’s safe to say that this guy will keep making a name for himself. That said I would love to see him make a non-biopic. As I’ve previously stated, I liked this movie. But I didn’t completely love it like I know it wanted me to. So without further adieu I’ll fill ya in on my few problems I had with this movie.

My first issue was that Sheen was so good at playing a likeable asshole that I actually didn’t feel bad for him because I knew he would save only himself with just another feat of douchebaggery.  I mean there were some moments where we got to see Clough be vulnerable when it came to trying to tame the wild Leeds Players. But it seems like that wasn’t the focus of the film since gears quickly shift to Clough trying to win back Taylor. Which brings me to my other only complaint: the ending.

Upon getting fired and seeing what happened to divide Clough and Taylor I felt like the ending was extremely forced. I don’t know if Taylor really said the line “take me back babe” but the last scene between the two men treads between bro-mance and something much more different. Because of the back-story I am aware that Taylor and Clough are extremely good friends and that the choice Clough made strained that friendship. Yet I felt like Clough groveling on the ground in front of Taylor was a little much. Then again, I didn’t know a thing about these people before seeing this biopic so maybe I don’t know but the tone of this particular scene was way over the top in correlation to the rest of the film. Which is sad because I really did enjoy this movie but the focus of the ending made me question the entire rest of the movie. I felt like there was so much emphasis on Clough attempting to win over the unruly Leeds players so when it came that the film’s resolution didn’t focus on that, I felt let down.

However, that said, if the film focused on Clough breaking the team in there is a possibility the movie would’ve gone the typical under dog sports story. And from what I’ve read after seeing this movie it also wouldn’t be historically accurate so there’s that. Yet I still can’t help but feel that this movie sold itself short. It was so close to winning me over completely.

I don’t think this movie will finally put us on par with the rest of the world in it comes to loving and knowing about the history of soccer. But I do believe that this is a funny well done movie. Before films like this and Frost/Nixon, I really only knew of Michael Sheen for playing Tony Blair and Lucian. Now though I really look forward to seeing him in Tron Legacy and maybe I’ll even check him out in his next type-casted role as Volturi leader Aro in that damn New Moon movie coming out.

My problems with this film aside, I think it’s still worth a watch. So go seek it out indie/foreign film supporters and soccer enthusiasts. Oh and don’t worry though if you don’t know anything about soccer, this film is sharp and funny enough to keep just about anyone entertained.

A ‘Scapist reads / reviews The Lost Symbol – So You don’t have to.

Dan Brown – The Lost Symbol. Released September 15th, 2009.

Spoiler Free.

EXT. Washington National Cathedral.
Two characters approach via the shadows. They know they’re being tracked, but they have to reach their target. The fate of the world hangs on them successfully reaching their target, and finding that which must remain hidden…

New National Treasure Film? A rejected line from James Cameron’s Spider-Man screenplay? Or something potentially far, far worse…

By now you’re probably left in no doubt that there’s a new Dan Brown book out. For the last few months, stores have been enticing you to “Pre Order Your Copy” for weeks now, online retailers have been competing to undercut each other, and offer readers the chance to get our hands on the book for as cheap as possible, and Guardian newspaper readers (of which I’m one) have been busy practicing their sneers, ready to pounce on any poor sap who dared reveal they were considering buying a copy of the book.

Well now the wait is over – The Lost Symbol was finally unleashed just as summer vacations are finishing (which seems a little bit strange, given Browns previous books, especially The Da Vinci Code, were popular “Beach Books”), and now curious readers are finally able to read the book, a full 2-3 years before Tom Hanks, and more worryingly, Tom Hanks’ hair, show up in the inevitable film adaptation.

The Lost Symbol is Dan Browns follow-up to the 2003 Monster hit, The Da Vinci Code, which followed Harvard University Professor, Robert Langdon (originally described as “Harrison Ford in Tweed” – as opposed to Tom Hanks with a weird hair style.) as he’s caught up in a centuries old quest to protect The Holy Grail. This time round, the Harvard Symbologist is caught up in yet another battle between the forces of good and evil, and, yet again, he’s ideally suited to uncover secrets that have been hidden since the time of Newton. This time round, however, he’s not up against The Illuminati through the streets of Rome, or battling Opus Dei around parts of far-flung Europe – this time it’s the streets of Americas Capital, against, seemingly, a group of people who were heavily involved in the actual founding of America – The FreeMasons. The usual mix of cutting edge science (this time around it’s a branch of Science called Noetic Science) remains, as does the sense that, for a University Professor, Robert Langdon seems to handle himself pretty well in these situations.

The Da Vinci code was a huge commercial success, going on to sell over 80 million copies around the world. Fans of the book, eager for to read further adventures of the Harvard Symbologist, turned to one of Browns’ previous books, Angels and Demons, which follows the character, as he attempts to uncover the secrets of the Illuminati, and stop the potential destruction of Vatican City. As a result Browns older books enjoyed a sales bump, and eventually Angels & Demons itself received a film adaptation, though Ron Howard & co. changed the events of the books, so that it takes place after the events of The Da Vinci Code, as opposed to prior.

Not long after The Da Vinci codes’ release, Dan Brown announced that he already researching the background for his next book, which would also feature the character, and that an announcement would be made shortly. Fans waited, and waited, and waited.

Eventually, the name of Browns book was announced – The Solomon Key, and more importantly, it’s release date – 2006. I guess it goes without saying Mr. Brown was more than a little bit late – but was it worth the wait?

To save time – here’s three statements. Click the statement that’s closest to your opinion of Dan Brown & or his previous books, and you’ll magically jump to the part of the article that answers your question.

• The idea of reading a Dan Brown book makes my eyes bleed.
• The Da Vinci Code? – Yeah, I remember reading that – I’ll check this book out.
• Are you kidding – The Freemasons, a holy quest, in Washington DC – I’ve lived this book.

Or, of course, you could just read it all 🙂

It’s a straight forward question, but it’s not exactly a straight forward answer. Firstly, there’s the economy to consider (stay with me, it’ll make sense). Back in 2003, when The Da Vinci Code was first released, times weren’t quite so tough as they are now. The world wasn’t in the grip of a recession, running a car didn’t require you to sell body parts every few months, and more importantly, comic books didn’t cost $3.99 an issue – so the question is, comic books or The Lost Symbol? Luckily, Geekscape is here to supply you with the answer – comic books, of course! – less pages, more pictures, and quicker to read 😉

Joking aside, although the discounts offered by retailers mean that you can pick up the book for virtually free, the question remains – is it worth picking up – after all, it’s over 500 pages long, so that’s a commitment of at least 10 hours to read through it – time’s valuable after all.

In short, if you’re a fan of Browns previous books, and just as importantly, if you’re a fan of the 100s of similar books that publishers quickly rushed to publish following the success of The Da Vinci Code, then the answer’s Yes. Stop reading this article (but remember to come back to Geekscape regularly, ’cause it’s awesome, obviously), and when you think about it, order a copy of the book, safe in the knowledge that you’ll like it – Spidey gives it two thumbs up

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Dear reader – A Question. Is it safe to assume that you liked Browns previous books, but weren’t to impressed with the seemingly endless supply of similar books, complete with “better than The Da Vinci Code / Shows Brown how to write a true thriller / Look, there’s a symbol on the cover, you gotta buy this” tag lines? If that’s the case, then read on…

In short, I’d recommend the book, however, from my own personal point of view, it doesn’t “flow” as smoothly as either his previous Robert Langdon books, or indeed his other books (Digital Fortress & Deception Point). Part of that, in my opinion, comes down to the sheer amount of information that Brown tries to cram into the book – information that doesn’t usually come from his central protagonist.

Perhaps the biggest reason why The Da Vinci Code captured peoples imaginations, and went onto to sell the number of copies that it did, is because it managed to balance elements of fact and fiction, in a way that kept people entertained, and more importantly, guessing. Reading the book for the first time, back in 2003, I think it’s safe to say that most people weren’t all that familiar with names and organisations such as Opus Dei, The Priory of Sion, etc, etc. The reason why the book worked, or to put it more specifically, the reason why I liked the book, when I first read it, is that it managed to perfectly mix three of the key ingredients that I personally look for – interesting characters, doing interesting things, in an interesting way. The characters in The Da Vinci Code were, to me, quite interesting, they were involved in an interesting plot, and the fact Brown peppered the book with references to “real-life” historical events, and facts, made it all the more interesting.

The Lost Symbol sees Brown again attempting this, but for me, he veers to far into the “facts” side of the equation, and focuses less on the actual story. Where as in The Da Vinci Code, the historical information that Brown references, either outside of the main story, or through his central characters helped the central story, this time round it stopped the story from progressing. The following comment on Amazon sums this up perfectly:

“…The refreshing mix of fact and fiction left me feeling refreshed and exhilarated for The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons, but in The Lost Symbol, I feel that the amount of fact in the novel, and therefore the amount of Langdon’s explanations, was too much, and so it blurred the lines between fact and fiction and almost became a sequence of facts, linked together by Langdon’s narrative and the situations created in the plot. One wonders if Dan Brown is a fiction writer or someone who has an excellent researcher whom he has relied upon a little heavily in writing this book. Obviously, following the sheer success of the previous book, there must have been a large amount of pressure to make it bigger, better, more complex. He’s done this, but sadly, the narrative is strained by all the factual explanations to the point where the reader is aware they’re being lectured…“

It might also be true, that Brown, in response to the sheer number of people who complained about the historical accuracy of his previous books, perhaps focused too much of his attention on getting the facts to back up his story, as opposed to focusing on the actual story. It’d explain the 3 year delay in getting the book published.

So, to summarize – Would I recommend picking a copy of The Lost Symbol? Definitely. Although not being as entertaining as the previous books in the Robert Langdon series, it is worth a read – just don’t expect anything that’ll rock your world.

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If the concept of reading another Dan Brown book, or indeed a Dan Brown book, makes your eyes bleed, and the fact the book sold 1m copies during its first day of release, including 300,000 copies in the UK, makes you weep for Humanity, then there’s not really all that much anyone can suggest, least of all me, that’ll change your mind. It’s a fact of life, especially on the internet, that the more popular something is, the more vocal the criticism against it, even if it’s only emanating from a small minority. Harry Potter, Twilight, Jar Jar Binks, etc, etc all elicit a passionate response, both positive and negative, and Dan Browns book, in particular The Da Vinci Code, are no different.

Obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinion, that goes without saying. However, I’d like to end this article by briefly (because I’m conscious of the fact that I’m already approaching the 1800 word mark) addressing one of the more common complaints that’s made against his books – they’re not “real books”, or they’re not worthy of being classed alongside works by <>.

At the end of the day, it’s the same argument that’s made against J.K. Rowlings’ wonderful (my opinion, obviously) Harry Potter Series – “How dare they put it on the school syllabus, with works by William Shakespeare.”. I don’t think anyone would suggest that the quality of JKs books are anywhere near the level of Shakespeare’s, however, from my own personal point of view, a good book doesn’t have to be a wonderful piece of literature. To my mind the reason why books such as the Harry Potter books, and The Da Vinci Code have sold the number of books they have, obviously isn’t because of the quality of the writing, but the quality of the story. To my mind, JK Rowlings Harry Potter books, when looked at in their entirety, are every bit as good, and worthy of praise, as some of the so-called “Classics” – not because of the quality of the writing, but because of the way the books grab you.

The characters, the storylines, the sense of adventure – being transported to another time, another world, experiencing an event through the eyes of someone we’re not – these are what most people are looking for when they read a book, not the books literary value. That, to me, is why authors such as Dan Brown, Lee Child, James Patterson, and company, sell millions of books each year – because they allow people to experience these very emotions.

As for the question of rotting the soul? I’ve always had a simple way of summing up the question this raises. These so-called “Event Books” (i.e. books by the afore mentioned Dan Brown, Lee Child, etc) are perfectly fine. In short, they’re no different from summer blockbusters, or 800+ calorie desserts – if consumed in limited dosages they’re perfectly fine, and good for you – but if consumed on a regular basis, it’s a different story.

Typing about a different story – I promised the review would be spoiler free, so I won’t go into plot specifics, but what I will say, is that Chapter 44 honestly made me laugh out loud – I’m not quite sure if Dan Brown wrote that chapter deliberately, or if it was “suggested”, but I definitely liked it.

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There is a stink of sweaty spandex in the air and everyone is as colorful as a rainbow teletubby, but no you are not at comic-con, you are in Champions Online.  It is the newest MMO to feature amazing feats of strengh, lazer beams, mystical powers, and custom weaponry.  This super hero MMORPG, published by Cryptic Studios, places you in the middle of a battle for the freedom of humanity against Dr. Destroyer.  You and other champions get your feet wet by killing aliens in downtown Millennium City, the base of operations for the champions.  But before you start busting some alien heads, the first thing you get engrossed in is the insane customization that is available in the hero design.  Wings, robotic limbs, body size, body type, posture, accessories are just the tip of the iceberg.  The in depth customization rivals any other game I have played.  After much indecision I eventually went with a combination of SubZero and Iron Chef.

Comparable to other MMO’s Champions Online has a relaxed gameplay learning curve.  Each mission objective is easy to locate on the map via a green circle.  It also offers single player and group instances which are typical with all MMO’s, but early on in the game you are thrown into instances by yourself to fight bosses which will let you test out how much of a super hero you really are.  You are not confined to a class and set of powers. As you gain experience you can choose from 17 different powers at will, which each have their own set of moves along with it.  Champions Online doesn’t have the tied down element most role-playing games are fated with.

Besides the multitude of attacks and weapons, the thing that I really found most enjoyable was the travel system.  In many games walking from place to place is usually a pain, but Champions Online has turned it into a pleasure.  Very early in the game you get to pick your mode of travel which instantly makes you feel like a super hero.  As with the hero customization they offer many options for travel; super speed, rocket pack, teleport, tunneling, super jump, fire flight, ice slide, etc.  I picked the super jump just because of its Hancock style landing.

Initially, unknown to myself, Champions Online is based on a pen-and-paper game from 1981.  To some, the lack of not knowing the history of the universe might be a negative, but it isn’t necessary to enjoy the story.  Between the bright comic style graphics engine and the plethora of options, Champions Online ultimately delivers a completely original hero experience.

15 minutes. All we get of Avatar right now is fifteen minutes, and fifteen minutes wasn’t nearly enough. James Cameron’s latest opus of alien and man meeting has been in production since 20th Century Fox opened its doors in 1935. Okay maybe not that long, but this is a movie Cameron has been talking about for the last 10 years. Right on the heels of another movie he did. What was that again? Oh yeah, Titanic. It’s been far too long for him to be away from feature films, but man the wait sure looks like it has been worth it.

Avatar is the story of the human colonization of the planet Pandora. On this planet reside the indigent species of humanoids the Na’vi. The Na’vi are not quietly accepting the human occupation on Na’vi and a military presence is growing from the humans who need a new home. Into this enters Jake Sully a paraplegic who wishes to enter a program where he can occupy a human Na’vi hybrid avatar to regain his ability to walk.

Going to a sold out Imax auditorium in Universal City I got the impression I was going to a movie premiere, instead of just an extended preview of James Cameron’s new alien epic. But, when the lights went down, there was no one else in the room.

The preview opened with a brief intro from Cameron in three dimensions, greatly disappointing however was the lack of a Jim Cameron beard in 3D. The presentation consisted entirely of footage from the first half of the movie and contained in Cameron’s words, “no spoilers.” Footage from the scenes shown is what makes up the bulk of the teaser trailer, albeit extremely cut down.

The 1st scene we were treated to was a group of marines being briefed about their new hostile home Pandora. The 3D in this scene alone was threw me a little. The amount of depth added to the film in a simple briefing scene was really amazing. A security commander is pacing along the aisle way instructing the new recruits that their time on Pandora will be worse than hell. “Hell will be a vacation you can take when your time here on Pandora is up.” Col. Quatrich, character actor Stephen Lang, is visually imposing with three scars running across his face as if he just lost a fight with wolverine. In the trailer he turns so quickly he looks like an aged Michael Bien. Jake Sully, Terminator Salvation’s Sam Worthington, enters in a wheelchair and gets a cursory glance from the Colonel. He obviously was not expected, at least not in a wheelchair.

The next scene was the download of Jake into his Na’vi Avatar. Sigourney Weaver comes back to work with James Cameron for the first time since Aliens, and unfortunately the glimpses of her still leave her character pretty vague. All we know is that she is both the doctor overseeing the Avatars and she downloads into one herself. The footage of Jakes download is the only time in the 15 minute preview where the 3D seems gimmicky, but a few 1st person perspective shots as Jake awakes in a new body really show off the fun that can be had with 3D. The scene continues with Jake being so excited that he can walk, the doctors can’t control or contain him. This also showed us the Na’vi Avatars for the first time. I can only describe them as a supermodel-Smurf-cat-people. While they are gorgeous to look at, a pang of worry swept over me as I flashed back to Jar Jar Binks. Standing next to a live actor, the difference between live action and animation is still as clear as it was in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The promise of a seamless computer animated character isn’t happening in Avatar unfortunately.

Jake’s first interactions with the wildlife of Pandora were the focus of the next two pieces of footage. In the first, Jake confronts a large rhinoceros looking creature. The animal is rendered very beautifully. However, the animation feels too pretty and just a bit too slick. It borders on cartoony. Cameron’s use of 3d shines through though with the chase of Jake by a dog-esque creature that looks as if it was designed by Guillermo De Toro. The following two scenes featured our first glimpse at Zoe Saldana’s Na’vi character Neytiri. Again, a very beautiful and well designed character, but visually there is no reality to latch onto and allow you to feel connected to the Avatars and Na’vi. The characters voice is provided by Zoe Saldana, but her movements harkens back images of Legolas more than a bad ass alien. Plot wise though the scenes are used to display the Na’vi’s deep resentment of being forced to kill.

The final scene we were shown was a bizarre beast rider courtship ritual. Apparently the Na’vi have the ability to bond with flying dinosaur-like reptiles. My mind was filled with images of the “Dino-Riders” cartoon when I realized Jakes intention on a Pandoran mountain top. The flying creatures and the Na’vi choose each other and form a bond of lifetime servitude from the dinosaur, this is essentially the scene where Jake, “Dances with Wolves.” It’s in this scene that I felt as if I was watching an extended cut scene from the latest Final Fantasy or Resident Evil game. Don’t get me wrong, the animation looks gorgeous, but a week after District 9 was able to, for the most part, integrate computer animation and live action beautifully, I expected James Cameron to be ahead of the game, not lagging behind.

The rest of the preview just had tiny clips from the trailer in 3D to round it out, and some of those Marine toys look brilliant in 3D.  Bottom line, even with a few speed bumps and minor disappointments, seeing this footage has allowed me to readjust my expectations of Avatar. Avatar will be at the very least a beautiful film and now I can look forward to what it is going to be, not what my expectations had led me to believe.

For you die-hard, yet new-school Geekscape adventure gamers out there, you probably are more than aware of Wallace and Gromit’s new adventures available on your PC and XBOX Live – for those who don’t: everyone’s favorite claymation duo is finally invading your digital world!

Yeah, it’s WALLACE AND GROMIT’S GRAND ADVENTURES.  It’s the new adventure series from the guys single-handedly keeping the genre alive for modern players: Telltale Games.  It’s a fine game, whose promise is still in the seedling stages, but nevertheless, a game that will please fans and adventure-curious gamers…

Telltale, if you don’t already know, is an exemplary modern game company who strive to give gamers real value for their money.  All of their games are released episodically, meaning they put out a new three or four hour segment of a game series every month or so.  This approach  fits well with the classic adventure-style game they so lovingly build.  This is especially true for the occasional adventure fan like your truly.  It’s always been hard for me to sink many hours into a classic adventure game (think a Sierra or LucasArts type , as the pace is inherently slower and less action-focused.  When a game such as this is broken into episodes, it ensures that gamers can play a segment, get a good bit of enjoyment out of it, then move on to other types of games that might give a gamer like me a dose of less cerebral but more action-oriented thrills.  Also, it keeps the interested party into the game and it’s plot for not just a few days or weeks, but as long as they keep making new episodes (which, for the new SAM & MAX series, has been almost two years!).

We got our hands on the first episdoe of WALLACE AND GROMIT, and incorporating the classic W & G pun-riffic title, it’s appropriately called FRIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEES.  We find our heroes in the throes of their newest business venture: a honey distribution company named “From Bee to You.”  As you might imagine, honey production is down, while demand is up, leading the duo to begrudgingly fulfill an overwhelming order, while overcoming larger and larger odds.

You play as both Wallace and his pooch Gromit, alternating between the two, scouring the house on Wallaby Street, and the surrounding town square for unlikely items to combine and use to solve problems.  Controls this time around have changed a bit (from previous Telltale games), as you are given full control of the characters.  No longer must you use a pointer to have your characters move from one place to the next, as in the classic adventure games of old.  The full control adds a bit of fun to the proceedings, and makes the game feel a bit more action-oriented, though the game’s conventions are still thouroughly old-school.  All your answers lie in collecting unlikely items to keep in your inventory.  When the time comes, you must use these items together to solve the myriad of puzzles.

It all works reasonably well, as Telltale has done a great job of nailing not only the visual style so unique to the animated shorts, but the audio as well, as they have collected a fine group of voice actors to grace the game’s characters.  Sadly, the core of the series’ inherent comedy, the inimitable Peter Sallis as Wallace does not lend his voice to the proceedings, but his sound-alike does an admirable job – and by the end, I had mostly forgotten that it was someone else.  Where the game differs from its source material is the seeming effortlessness the shorts provide in pulling out gag after quick gag – Wallace ponitificating, the frazzled, hard-working Gromit shrugging off trouble after trouble…  This is not a knock against the game’s designers in any way.  Only, the conventions of the “adventure game” are difficult to meld with any pre-established source material.  As audience members, we thrill to the ridiculous, lightning-fast solutions engineered by the animated shorts’ Wallace.  Actually helping him figure out things in the game by ridiculous trial and more ridicuolous error becomes a bit of a loopy chore.

Still, if you’re a fan of adventure games at all, then WALLACE AND GROMIT’S GRAND ADVENTURES could be something you might really like.  The style and humor of the series remains intact, though the first episde is not as immediately charming and lovable as it’s source material.  This is the good thing about episodic content, of course, as we’re sure to see improvements and extra excitement as the game continues.  For it’s smaller price tag, we gotta encourage the curious to check it out!

10am – We’re back at E3 for our last day! As sad as it is to say goodbye to all of these games and have to wait until they ultimately hit shelves over the next two years, the rotating Gilmore badge is now in the hands of our friend Ben Dunn! First we had Nar. Then Zack Haddad gave us his impressions. Today, we get Ben Dunn getting down on the action!

The floor is about to open so we’re going to go check things out. I’ll be back in a few with Ben and I’s impressions of what we haven’t already covered this week! Stay tuned!

I aint afraid of no ghosts… as long as I’m with these guys.

– It’s 12:45 and we’re about to go to the Tecmo booth for a tour of their upcoming games. Real quick though: Ben and I got some hands on time with the new PSP-Go and I’ll give you some quick impressions. It is super light and feels better in your hands than the current PSP model (which cramps you up over time). As much as it feels like you’re playing on a cell phone, the gaming just feels more natural and the flip top screen looks great. This system is THE EXACT SAME SOFTWARE AS THE CURRENT PSP. The screen size is smaller so the pixels are smaller and so it gives a nicer resolution. If you’re a fan of the PSP, you won’t complain about the smaller screen size because it feels and looks cleaner. There still aren’t dual thumb pads (because it’s basically a PSP still) and there’s only one data input slot. I asked if there would be a UMD reader that you could buy as an attachment and that decision hasn’t been made yet but the launch title is Gran Turismo with a few more downloadable ones to be announced. These will be both full titles and demos. Check Ben out. He’s loving this:

Ben actually has very small lady hands… this system is pretty tiny!

I’m curious about the PSP-Go… but since I already have a PSP (with Kratos on it!) this might be a pass until there’s a real reason to pick it up.

I have to run to Tecmo but I’ll be right back! Promise!

– 9pm – Okay. So I never came back and now I’m at home completely exhausted. Please, let me explain. At the Tecmo booth, I was shown three games (which I will write up a more in depth story on for next week). The first was Undead Knights, a PSP hack and slash title with a pretty cool Lemmings/Overlord-style mechanic. You play as one of three undead characters who are out to get revenge on the king that had them killed. As you battle the kings forces on your way to and through the castle, you can turn any enemies that you fight into undead zombies that can turn and work for you. They can bum rush enemy soldiers, take down obstacles, get thrown onto bad guys or team up to build ladders. These are just some of the applications. Out of all of the Tecmo games, this one interested me the most because, while it looks like a Lord of the Rings Conquest style of game, thehumor and metal music playing is very much straight up Army of Darkness-style. The other two games were Quantum, a Gears of War style PS3 exclusive with team elements similar to the most recent Prince of Persia and giant shifting environments, and the fall PS3 release of Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2, where you can play three different characters. Full impressions are coming soon so watch this space!

From Tecmo, I headed to the West Hall for a meeting with a smaller company called Vogster. Vogster had three games to show off for different platforms and all three were absolutely different. The first one I played is a PSP downloadable exclusive being released in the next few weeks called Unbound Saga. It is a beat ’em up similar to Final Fight or Streets of Rage but in this one you play between two different characters (who you can switch between at any time) as they battle through a comic book panels on their quest to defeat their creator.

As the styles of enemies and artwork change in relation to periods in comic book history (like a golden age transitioning to a silver age and on into an Image Comics style, etc), a floating hand draws new villains onto the screen to deal with his upstart creations. The game looks great on the PSP screen and I’ll write up more very soon. The first thing that caught my eye was the Leinil Francis Yu artwork that Vogster had commissioned to promote the title.

Leinil Francis Yu Artwork = Jonny Is Interested!

The other two games were Robocalypse, an iPhone and WiiWare tower defense game and Crime Craft, an online MMO for the PC that plays differently than any other PC MMO and takes place in a near future world run by gangs and criminal organizations. I’ll write up some bigger impressions for you in a separate article considering I had some in depth time with all three games.

See that sniper scope? That’s in an MMO… honest!

The day had a lot of moments that I glazed over in my rush to see more and get updates for you. Let me use this time to bring them back for you.

Ben and I spent some serious time on Ratchet and Clank: A Crack in Time. Although I’m PS3-less and have never played the first installment or the added DLC chapter, I was assured that I could enjoy A Crack in Time without needing too much of the backstory from the first PS3 episodes (even though I’m still totally going to hunt them down once I get my PS3 to play some God of War 3 and The Last Guardian!). It was a Ratchet and Clank game, so really, I didn’t care. I wanted to play! The game is par for the course with any of the earlier Ratchet and Clank games with creative, upgradeable characters (most of them hilarious) and interesting and sometimes complicated enemies and puzzles. The build that we played still had some bugs to work through but it was still some of the most enjoyable minutes I spent on the show floor. Is it just me, or is Ratchet and Clank one of the most overlooked consistent franchises in gaming? I think it’s about time that the pair took over for the flatlined sonic franchise and the wobbley platforming experience of Little Big Planet. If Sony really is hard up for a company mascot, they have have two consistently performing employees of the month already on their release calendar. I nominate Ratchet and Clank and can’t wait to play this game again!

This is a picture of me whipping a tank’s ass… with a suck cannon.

This is lunch. It was better than yesterday’s sandwich and pretty cheap. I love finding cheaper alternatives to the overpriced convention center options. 7 dollars for a fruit bowl? REALLY? BLAH! I will pay for your $3 Diet Pepsi’s but only because those are like water to me!

I also learned that I suck at Sing Star! As if this isn’t proof enough that I’m a red blooded American male that loves a hot steak and game on the TV set every Sunday afternoon, check out this duet from Ben and I of Queen and David Bowie’s “Under Pressure”. It’s a fucking trainwreck on my part. I don’t know the song very well at all (I thought you only had to say Under Pressure a lot) and I tanked my score way behind Ben’s. When I pointed out to him that I started scoring really well at the end, he deflated my female balloon by blurting out “yeah, ‘cuz I was singing your parts”. Does his near perfect score make him a bigger man? You be the judge:

The other games that Ben and I checked out was Sin and Punishment 2 for the Wii. THIS is a good looking game! I never played the first Sin and Punishment but what I played here reminded me of the old Master System game Space Harrier but on some serious crack. The environment is constantly shifting and offering up new enemies as you run, jump and fly around the screen shooting at a countless number of enemies. You have multiple weapons with varying powers and the action is constant and fast paced. If you’re a fan of shooters like R-Type or Space Invaders Extreme but also like platforming elements, this game is a solid representation of both. I’m definitely interested in playing this game through if only to see all of the gorgeous backgrounds and challenges moving around me. You see buildings topple around you and you flying both rightside up and upside down while wave after wave of enemy forces manuever to cut you off. It’s like fighting a deadly, metal kaleidoscope of bad guys and I loved it.

Speaking of shifting environments and bad ass platforming, here’s a blatant picture of a woman dressed like the chick from Bayonetta. I cannot wait to play this game again one day. It’s humor and kinetic action teamed up to rock me to my core.

So was that it for E3 ’09? I was beat and had collected all six Monkey Island pins. I had seen and played all of the games I wanted to (some of them I will cover on next week’s show). I had built myself up for some really cool releases next year and boned up on my info for the rest of you. Was I done with E3?

No. There were 2 more games, unavailable on the show floor, that I had yet to see and I wasn’t leaving until I had played them for myself. As I cracked the door to the outside world, intent on going to my car, I stopped and turned around. I still needed to visit a guy named Threepwood…

Two minutes later I walked into Lucasarts’ private demo room. Stormtroopers were standing outside to promote the Clone Wars Baby Races Game or something like that. I had no time for that prequel Hitler: The Early Years bull-hickey. The girl at the front desk asked me if I had an appointment as she opened her appointment binder. “No” I replied, “but I want to see a demo of the Monkey Island stuff… right now.” She could tell I was serious and I could tell SHE could tell because she turned around and went to look for security. No F-ing way was I going to come this close and be ushered out. I saw another press group being ushered around the desk and around a corner and I pretended to be part of their publication. I think Guybrush himself would be proud of my sneakyness. Aren’t you?

I rounded the corner and saw two screens facing me (amongst some other Lego Kingdom of the Crystal Dull silliness). One screen offered the new XBL reskin of the original Monkey Island while the other screen presented Tell Tale Games’ soon to be released first episode of their 5 part PC and WiiWare title Tales of Monkey Island. Could I get a “hells to the mofo-ing yeah”!?! It was time! I had waited 8 years to see my friends again!

You want impressions? Here they are. The Curse of Monkey Island reskin for XBox Live is absolutely breathetaking. Now, once and for all, the younger Geekscapists will get exactly what I’m talking about every time I geek out over my favorite game of yesteryear. Not because this is an enhanced version of the old game necessarily. This is LITERALLY the EXACT SAME GAME. The Scumm engine and the old Monkey Island code is STILL THERE, running underneath the new artwork and control scheme! If you flick a button YOU WILL SEE IT! Old nostalgic gamers like myself will spend the entire game switching back and forth between the new, beautifully hand drawn rendition of Monkey Island and the old 1990 version of the game. The team at LucasArts went to huge lengths to make sure that the game we will be playing on XBox Live and the PC this summer is as close as what we experienced 19 years ago. Even the hint system has a sense of humor. The control scheme is simple and intuitive and the added voice acting is all pulled from the last iteration of the franchise. Guybrush Threepwood and LeChuck SOUND like they did the last time you saw them… except now, it’s the first all over again! The music has been rescored from the original and enhanced for current systems. No jokes have been taken out or corners cut. This game is as much a love letter to the original game as it is a fresh re-experiencing of it. And for players like Jake108, who LOVE to track their gamerscore, there WILL be achievements for this title consistent with the rest of the XBox Live DLC. Now you have a REASON to take me for my word and download my childhood so you can live it for yourself.

While everything played out in front of me and I was brought through the updates, I had to ask if there was a chance we might see other LucasArts titles re-released in this fashion. What I was told my the LucasArts producer (who was blown away (or scared) by the intensity of my Monkey Island fandom) was that if this DLC is successful, it might give them insentive to crack open the rest of the LucasArts vault. Could you imagine some Maniac Mansion or Day of the Tentacle? What about Fate of Atlantis or the rest of the Monkey Island titles? The older stuff like Grim Fandango and Full Throttle still hold up. Maybe they could be put out with just a modernized control scheme? And you KNOW I didn’t leave without gently reminding him that we are still waiting on the LAST TWO chapters in the Loom saga! Why not just release all three in this fashion? The original and the rest of the story! People… it could happen. If you think I’m dreaming, remind yourself that a re-release and added chapter to the Monkey Island series was also a dream of mine… and that dream came true!

So what about the new Tales of Monkey Island title coming to PC and WiiWare in early July? Well, for starters, here’s the backstory. It’s been five years since the end of Escape from Monkey Island and Tell Tales is giving themselves that space to distance themselves a bit from what may or may not have occured when we last saw the characters (Guybrush had just finished fighting in a giant mechanized monkey if I’m not mistaken!). Guybrush and Elaine are finishing off another adventure (the subject of a true Monkey Island 5?) when this chapter picks up. The build that I saw still had some animation issues, noticeably the voice animations of the characters mouths but the voice acting is everyone who was involved in Monkey Island 4 and the new XBL reskin. As with the earlier titles in the Tell Tale library, the animation and art quality isn’t completely top notch but it does have a distinct character design. This is a game that just started development in January, I was told. As much as I would have liked to see a smoother and nicer visual presentation, the humor from the earlier games is intact and the world seems sincerely Monkey Island. I almost stole some carved unicorns from a bored pirate but he caught me. I can’t wait to see what I need to do to successfully get those unicorns for myself! And then what will I do with them? THESE are the thoughts of a 30 year old Monkey Island addict! This is for life, baby! I was told that there won’t be any mini-games conducive to the Wii control scheme set up for the first episode of the five Tales of Monkey Island release but that they might be developed for the later chapters. Tales of Monkey Island is being released in five linked episodes over a five month period starting early July and I could not be more excited to jump on the boat and set sail.

Well, with that knowledge in hand, and not wanting security to be alerted, I grabbed myself a Monkey Island poster and headed for my car. E3 was an exhausing experience but being among good friends like Nar, Zack and Ben and experiencing some exciting games with all of them was definitely worth the derailing of my sleep schedule. This week has given me some really exciting things to look forward to and I’m enthusiastic about sharing them with you guys here on the site and on the show. Be looking forward for the rest of my impressions from the demos I was given at E3 and be sure to tell all of your friends where you can find us.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m pretty sure I have an episode of Geekscape to upload for all of you. Sorry it’s so late, but things this week have been a little busy! Just know that I did it all for you… well, kinda.

9am – Day One has come and gone and I have barely scratched the surface of E3 ’09. Yesterday got eaten up pretty heavily by the Nintendo and Sony panels. As much as I loved seeing more of The Last Guardian on a big screen, me and my fellow bloggers here in the media room can’t help but feel like Sony missed the opportunity to show off some more of Heavy Rain. Still, seeing the gamer on the floor fighting a retarded Griffin thing in God of War 3 in front of a distant fire god got me pretty excited. If the line isn’t too bad (it will be!) I’ll try and get in on that one today. The other huge line of the event yesterday was for Zelda: Spirit Tracks. Nintendo only has ONE DS (two at MOST) on the floor! What is THAT ABOUT!?! Is there a release date yet?

I want to try out some Silent Hill: Shattered Memories but I might be a little too scared. I saw a guy yesterday playing it and it didn’t seem like the controls (waggle city) were too intuitive. Or maybe he was just too scared. I was watching him get chased around a dark locker room area (with an empty swimming pool) with only a flare. The monster chasing him is kept at bay by the flare but the second that thing goes out… WAGGLE TIME! He ran around a bunch of similar looking rooms and I could hear the zombie thing coming for him. Whenever it pounces on you, your character is locked up and you have to throw or push (using the waggle skills) to get the thing off of you. As much as this constant running away felt realistic (at least to my own life), this is a video game. The second you set that flare and the thing starts cowering… give it a solid curb stomp and keep it moving. You can’t trust a lot of things in this world, Geekscapists, but you can trust that when Will Smith unleashes the zombie vampire epidemic, you’re safe with me (at least until I die in 15 minutes).

Speaking of epidemics, I was walking to the convention this morning after parking and saw THIS at my feet:

Can I get a “f#$k yeah!?!”

Are people not as excited as I am about Crackdown 2? 4 Player Co-Op is DEFINITELY the theme of this year’s E3 with games like Lost Planet 2 (which I want to play so I can kill the red fire toad once and for all!), Crackdown 2 and even Mario getting in on the action. As much as I LOVED Crackdown 1, the co-op mode was only annoying to me. I got into the game a little late so whenever someone would join in with me they’d be hopping all over the screen with their enhanced abilities and going through MY GAME and killing MY BOSSES! What is that!?! It’s RUDE is what I say! I was FORCED to play that game single player to keep myself from HATING my XBL friends list forever. Hopefully, Crackdown 2 has its own 4 player co-op missions that keep the characters at a closer skill base so you actually have to use STRATEGY and TEAMWORK instead of “HEY, I’VE ALREADY BEATEN THE GAME! WATCH THIS!” and then 10 seconds later you watch as someone else kills YOUR badguy. We’re in this together people… let’s keep it that way… or this city will eat us alive…

Today we’re starting out with a private demo from Sega. We’ll make a GeekscapePod out of that one and they’ve promised to show us both Alpha Protocol and Aliens VS Predator. I saw some sick game play footage yesterday of a Predator kill where the player put the Predator’s forearm spikes through a marine’s head, taking it clean off his body. The eyes go dead while it’s sitting on the screen, impaled on your spikes. My step-mom would DEFINITELY approve of this game! I can’t wait to see what it looks like in action.

Okay. It’s 9:30am and I’ve got to get the gear together and head to Sega! Wish me luck (on getting to play some God of War 3)!

– It’s 1pm and I’m sorry it’s been a while since my last update. I went to the Sega appointment and checked out three of their games: Alpha Protocol, Alien VS Predator and Bayonetta. I wasn’t allowed to shoot anything so the GeekscapePod I promised earlier will now be a story on my impressions of all three titles (expect that next week!). My quick impressions are though that Alpha Protocol may quickly become next year’s Mass Effect. The game is incredibly in depth. The branching system and RPG elements are the most immersive thing I’ve ever seen in an action game and the level of detail is incredible. I wanted to play it the most out of the three. Bayonetta was a game that I dismissed as being Major Boobage but not a lot of substance but it looked like a lot of fun. Believe it or not, the two games it reminded me the most of was a cross between God of War and the Saturn version of Knights. The levels run fast with some really impressive changing environments and the fights are Kratos style but with multiple combos and finishing abilities based on spells. That, and the game has a great sense of humor that isn’t blatant but more irreverent and it’s one style. I got the smallest impression from Aliens VS Predator but it’s not because it didn’t impress me. The game does look and feel bad ass and has a great sense of atmosphere. It’s just EXACTLY what you would expect (and want) from an AvP game. We saw the Colonial Marine story line played through a bit and it was pretty fast and heavy action. It did not look fun to fight aliens in close quartered dark environments! Look for my full impressions next week!

Zack Haddad and I had some lunch after that:

We were hungry…

After filling ourselves with lunch, it was time to do what we were here for… GET SOME MERCH!

Dress like a man!

Dress like a woman!

I’m sure this will be completely unreadable… and cause my nose to bleed.

Zack doesn’t F around… on his boyfriend.

It’s going right next to my Sepultura patch on my jean jacket… ‘cuz I’m Hispanic.

This is the face of defeat!

I whooped Zack’s ass in the new TMNT Smash Up game which is WAY too much like Super Smash Bros. except for one major difference… it’s not fun at all. But at least we got these head bands, right?

Less this…

… more this, Zack. But not much more.

And of course… I found my MOTHAFUCKIN’ SPECTROBES!!!

Behold: The Mothafuckin’ Spectrobes

Okay, we’ve got to run to a Beatles: Rock Band appointment where Zack is going to get his revenge on me but I’ll be right back this time to flesh this mess out with thoughts on Brutal Legend, Wii Sports Resort, Uncharted 2 Multiplayer, Dante’s Inferno and Fright Night… I promise!

They were there for me long before I ever had friends…

– It’s 4pm and it actually rained here in L.A. I didn’t notice because I’ve been indoors. I’m tired and beat up after a second day at E3. Zack is about to take another 5 Hour Energy but there’s no way I would ever put that demon juice in my body so I think I’ll just have to wrap up here, go home for a quick nap and then head to the Comedy Store for my gig tonight. The Media Center is quiet and another blogger just made a good point that they remove the coffee in the afternoon after everyone is already worn out. The only option is a lonely girl trying to hawk energy drinks at a table claiming that they are “Fata1ity’s favorite drink” and that “each can burns 100 calories.” I saw that guy 10 minutes ago. He didn’t look like he could beat a Mogwai in an arm wrestling match so I’ll pass on “the fat burning energy drink” for the BS it appears to be.

Zack and I headed to the The Beatles: Rock Band presentation and were ushered into a room that was made up to look like Abbey Road’s recording studio. Some curtains were pulled back and we were presented to one of the Harmonix developers standing among members of the PR team (all holding Beatles replica Rock Band instrument controllers).

He talked a bit about the game and then kicked off into a rendition of “I Want To Hold Your Hand” from The Ed Sullivan Show set. I’m not a huge Beatles or Rock Band fan but I was immediately impressed by both the sound of the game and the strong art style. The trailer that was revealed yesterday really blew me away and this game seems like a lot of fun. The harmonizing elements to the singing are really cool and add a layer that (to my knowledge) wasn’t as present in the earlier Rock Band games. All of the instruments are compatible from Rock Band 2 and there are 45 songs that come already unlocked in the game. An Abbey Road DLC will be available shortly after release along with “All You Need Is Love” as a downloadable single with all proceeds going to charity.

I’ve never played a Rock Band in my life (I’ve barely played Guitar Hero or it’s grandpappy DDR), but seeing this presentation definitely peaked my interests to at least visit a Rock Band bar night and maybe give it a try. I won’t embarrass myself in the privacy of my own home… but you all know I’m not shy about doing so in public. And neither is Zack (who actually rocked the rest of his band’s score with a 96% on guitar while the rest of them barely scored 80% tops):

They broke up about 2 minutes after this picture was taken…

From here we exited the presentation and were met by the gates of Arkham Asylum! The game is fun but with a limited amount of demo time, I didn’t feel patient enough to play as “stealth” Batman. I wanted to run around, say “screw the gadgets” and just punch bad guys in the face. But they were pretty keen on showing off all of the bells and whistles of this title (and there are many). If you’re a fan of stealth gaming like Splinter Cell or Hitman, you’ll go nuts for this game.

Tim Burton called looking for this thing… We didn’t pick up.

Can I just say that the line for Halo: ODST was absolutely nuts? I saw the game play in action and it looks awesome. Visually, it’s more impressive than Halo 3. I definitely can’t wait to play this game while Graham and Jake108 yell in my ear that I suck. It just looks like a hell of a lot of fun. The past Halo games have had some awesome set pieces and big moments (ask Graham about the time I jumped a Warthog off a cliff and onto the back of a Scarab in a successful “screw it, I’m going in” moment) but ODST just seems BIGGER. Maybe it’s because as a character, you are smaller. There’s no giant leaping. The environment seems more dangerous and the explosions upon touching down come quickly, often and don’t let up. It’s these kinds of Black Hawk Down moments that ODST looks to capture successfully that I didn’t feel in the original Halo titles. This is Modern Warfare in the Halo universe. Watching everyone play, I decided to sign up for service come September.

Can we talk about one of the breezed over surprises from Nintendo’s presentation yesterday? It’s called Cop: The Recruit and it was developed by TWO people on their own! When Nintendo saw this, they founded the completion of the project and the result is a game that I have not seen anything like before. THIS is what a DS Grand Theft Auto was supposed to move like. It’s fluid, the camera is a constant 3rd person and there is zero lag. On a technical level, I was pretty blown away that this is on the DS. I hope the story is as good as this game is to play because just the brief experience I had with the game landed it on my radar screen. I was pretty shocked to discover it on the floor.

“You missed a minority. Go back and beat him up like a real cop.”

 How much do you know about James Cameron’s Avatar? If the answer is zip then you know as much as I do. But did see THIS (whatever the hell this is):

My heart jumped at the promise of a Robot Jocks inspired game. James Cameron crushed it.

This mech has something to do with Avatar. I have no idea what but I guess this is a prop from the movie. Speaking of movies and video games kissing each other, making nice and taking our money in the process, someone thought that THIS was a good idea:

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do but I know that I hate it.”

This didn’t look ANYTHING like ANYTHING from that movie. Kung Fu Hustle is bad ass. This movie looked like a WiiWare download of Final Fight where Haggar has been replaced by the characters in the 8 bit Kung Fu. No me gusta! So instead, Zack and I played this:

Muramasa: The Mothafuckin’ Demon Blade! This game is a really solid side scroller in the tradition of Gunstar Heroes and Mickey’s Castle of Illusion but with some RPG elements built in. Either one of your characters (male or female) have two swords in their inventory and these spiritual blades have health bars. The more you use them, the sooner they break. You have to switch and conserve each sword’s specific abilities while the other sword “heals up”. The artwork is gorgeous, the game is fluid and the controls are tight (unlike the jumpy and not fun to play Silent Hill: Shattered Memories <— I hated this game). I saw Zack kill a giant headed monster monk that took up most of the screen and by that time I was 100% sold. The waggle in this game isn’t as important as moving around and picking your attacks mid-battle so sign me up. It won’t break my wrist (like Silent Hill: Shattered Memories threatened to <— no really, this game is miserable).

So that was my day numero two at E3. I saw a trailer for The Old Republic on a huge screen and it looked impressive. But before you get excited… I saw a trailer JUST like that which was ALSO impressive for a game called The Force Unleashed and that game was retarded, so check yourself before you wreck yourself. A lot of people got excited and clapped after that trailer and all I could think was “you poor bastards probably LOVED Revenge of the Shit“. I don’t care how many slow mo walks out of explosions Jedi or Sith do in a trailer. I’m not touching this game until it rocks a near perfect score.

Zack got a chance to play the new Ninja Gaiden and said it SUCKED. Wow. That’s a harsh statement. The framerate was super chuggy for a game that’s supposed to be near completion and the gameplay showed zero progression. So if you liked the first Ninja Gaiden for PS3/360, it might be more of the same… but I guess Zack didn’t like it.

Zack also claims that Uncharted 2’s multiplayer is great. It takes the same dynamic of the game and makes it social. It’s not the most unique experience but having different players running, hiding and sniping around one map. It’s more fluid than Splinter Cell and moves quicker. Instead of a standard capture the flag, you have to “capture the loot” which consists of a giant piece of gold that slows you down on a map while the other players are shooting at you and trying to take it back. You have to throw the heavy loot into a goal in order to score so performing all of this against faster enemies shooting you, from different levels on the map, can lend itself to a pretty intense experience.

I also witnessed a pretty flashy, giant trailer for Dante’s Inferno. As much as I’d love to comment… I really don’t know what the hell I saw except for Mr. Not Kratos fighting and killing giant demons that are Not The Big Monsters Kratos Fights. I’ll withhold judgement until the game is released but you know what? I have zero problems with God of War clones. God of War is a system seller in my household and I’ll follow Kratos into hell (which I guess for the purposes of this metaphor means buying a PS3).

Okay. I’m destroyed physically and still have a full day of E3 tomorrow for you vampires so I’m going to call it a day. I still owe you my quick thoughts on Brutal Legend and Wii Sports Resort but I promise that they are coming. Until then, I leave you with this:

Nap Time. See you tomorrow!

Hello, Geekscapists! I am at E3 with our good friend Nar Williams checking out all of the action live for you!

Yesterday had some huge announcements of its own (MONKEY ISLAND IS BACK, BABY!) and today promises to bring you some additional surprises. Nar and I will be blogging all day so be sure to check out his site as well for his thoughts on what’s going on (Nar’s show on the Science Channel “The Science of the Movies” has its second episode tonight at 9pm Eastern!): www.narwilliams.com

– It’s 11:30, the floor is about to open, and we just stepped out of the Nintendo press conference.

Some of the ridiculous things included Women’s Murder Club DS: Games of Passion… a playable James Patterson book. The people around me could definitely here me faking a snoring sound. Not for me. At all. Also, Nintendo was pretty proud of themselves for expanding the market share to include non-traditional gamers. Some of the photos they had in their presentation really emphasized this point. You know, like:

“Guy Playing Videogame at Work During the Recession”

“A Police Officer with a Dog Playing the DS while On The Job”

Oh, and Iwata took some time out of his busy scheduling of finding ways to kill Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker to show us this:

Whatever the $#% this is…

Highlights for me definitely included 2 new Wii Mario games:

New Super Mario Bros Wii is a 2D platformer similar to what we got a few years ago on the DS except now you can play live with (or against!) 3 of your friends as all 4 players work their way across a level. It looks like basic 2D Mario Bros stuff except they’ve added a new powerup… The Propellar Suit. It’s a little helmet with a beanie propellor on the top. Waggle the Wiimote and you’ll spin up in the air (similar to hitting a spring block in the DS version).

At the end of the presentation, we got a big trailer for the other big Mario release: Mario Galaxy 2. They used my favorite music track from the first game (the sky garden level!) and it’s basically a crazier version of the game we all loved. Lots of spinning planets, some new designs, bigger boss battles and what we’ve been waiting for: YOSHI! That’s right. You get to ride different Yoshi’s around and cling to them as they star-shoot from planet to planet. MG1 was easily my favorite game of 07 so I’m beyond stoked for this game to be in front of me. It looks gorgeous. Who will beat it first? Me or Ralph Apel?

The other huge trailer that Nintendo closed with was Metroid: The Other M. The cut scenes in this clip did not look Wii level. They looked like something better suited for the PS3 or 360. It started in an asteroid belt and you see some anime characters on a space ship. There’s a hot blonde character… who then zips up her BLUE SUIT. “Oh shit!” I yelled out as I realized I was watching Samus Aran gear up. This one comes out in 2010 and looks to reveal a lot more about Samus’ origins. The game play we saw looks like the Wii Metroid game but there was also some third person pieces we saw that reminded me of the 2D Metroid mixed with some Ratchet and Clank action. We’ll see what this ends up playing like but it was REALLY smooth regardless. This looks to be the best looking Wii game so far once it comes out.

Some talk about Zelda: Spirit Tracks (but not much):

A new Golden Sun game after 6 years (this time for the DS):

Reggie came out and showed us some Wii Moition Plus, which I wasn’t that excited for… until they started playing Wii Sports Resort. I’ll admit, I loved opening my Wii and playing Wii Sports. Yes, it got old, but it was a good packaged game and this new version looks like it’s going to be a hell of a lot bigger and more fun. I know Laura and I are going to have some serious competitions with this one seeing as it includes archery, a 3-point shooting contest (Reggie won with the money ball!) and wave racing. Make fun as much as you want, but I’m sold. And you know what? I’ll take some Wii Fit Plus while you’re at it! I’m not so psyched for the new Yoga and Strength exercises… but the new Balance Games! Nar is writing them up over on his site right now but I saw glimpses of something that looked like an American Gladiators-style test and I almost lost my shit. It looked like the end of American Gladiators with your Mii hopping over obstacles as things flew at his head and pushed him around. Hopefully now we can compete against other people’s times and scores online instead of just having Laura make fun of me for destroying my time in EVERYTHING.

Okay. The floor is opening and we just ate our free press lunch! I’ll be back with pictures this time!

Free Lunch

1:45 PM – Okay, I walked the floor and got a chance to play the New Super Mario Bros. Wii with Nar. As expected, it IS a lot like the 2 player aspect to New Super Mario Bros. DS. It gets competitive quickly and on top of the Propellar Suit there is also a Penguin Suit for the ice levels. You KNOW our boy Atomusk is going to wear one of those and take some pics for the forums!

We did some Ghostbusting outside:

Nar saved me…

More blogging for you…

I got to also play some Rabbids Go Home, which is kind of like Rabbids insanity meeting Katamari but not as successful in my opinion. I got a bit bored with it pretty quickly.

Nar got to play some Arkham Asylum so check his site for that and I saw the new trailer for The Last Guardian (formerly Trico… but in my household “The Game Where Rufus Has Feathers”) on a huge screen and Nar and I spied HUGE LINES for hands on time with Zelda: Spirit Tracks and God of War 3 (which looks as sick as you’d expect it to). I also got a picture with my good buddy Ratchet:

“Who needs Booth Babes!?!”

This one’s for Graham… our Guardian of the Universe. Maybe you’ll get the joke…

On the way to post this for you I saw two amazing things. One, I was accosted by pirates and handed some pins. One of them looks like this:

There are 7 of these babies. I have 4… I WILL complete my collection!

And I also saw this… one of the most amazing things I have ever seen in my life on earth. I now present to you… without further ado…

MAN ON A SKATEBOARD WITH A SHOTGUN!!!!

3:40pm – I’m back after checking out the South Hall. Microsoft, Sega and Konami are set up there and I’ll definitely check it out tomorrow. MTV Games and Beatles Rock Band have a huge set up dressed as the front of Abbey Road and Sega have a huge Alien VS Predator/Conduit rig that we’re starting tomorrow with. They’re our first appointment for Wednesday for be looking for that GeekscapePod soon. I oversaw someone playing Conduit for a bit and it looked like fun. I’m excited to play some more FPS games on my Wii only because I’m actually pointing at something and shooting at it. I told Aktrez this when I saw her on the floor and she looked at me like I was nuts. End the Nintendo hate, now!

Speak of hate, check this out… a familiar Geekscapist was wondering the press room and I angled him for a photo:

It’s Klitzy! No… really! He’s here! And soon he’ll be gone… again!

I need to spend a little more time tomorrow playing some games rather than just “taking it all in”. E3 is pretty expansive, but at least I only have ONE MORE Monkey Island pin to collect… I ran into these two Rabbids and I should have just turned around. I don’t think they were happy that I didn’t like their game so much…

“You didn’t like our game…? ATTTTAAAAAACK!!!”

And I spied someone playing some Mini Ninjas Adventure. I have zero interest in this game, but you know what? Their booth was pretty cool… if only because I imagined this giant Samurai warrior animating and stomping everyone…

“Let’s go clubbing!!!”

I have about 10 minutes before I have to run outside and shoot a segment for the June episode of Heads Up! but I’ll be back tonight to add some more thoughts and tomorrow the appointments with publishers begin and I’ll get some REAL hands on time, baby!

Eric Diaz’s take:

The first time I attended Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors Convention was way back in 1991 when I was 16 or so. The horror movie genre was in a weird place at that time; the 1980’s were the glory years of horror for sure, but by the end of that decade the Freddys, Michaels, and Jasons had burnt themselves out. Sure, Silence of the Lambs (kind of a horror flick?) had just won the Oscar for best picture, but it seemed in the early 90’s like the best days of horror were over. The convention goers at that 1991 Con were mostly a lot of dudes wearing Megadeth T- shirts and greasy long hair, but these were the horror die-hards, the kind of guys you knew in high school who had pin ups from Fangoria and Gore Zone of special effects blood and guts instead of naked chicks selling beer. But even though the con was filled with mostly those guys, it wasn’t only those guys. There was still room for people of all shapes and sizes who liked horror flicks.

Well, flash forward to the 2009 Weekend of Horrors Con at the LA Convention Center. Now it seems the only people going to this thing are those guys who wore the Megadeth shirts, although now it’s a Rob Zombie shirt instead. The long greasy hair has in many cases been replaced by a shaved head and tats, but it’s really all the same idea in the end. It was kind of a sad site seeing how few attendees there were at this convention. True, I’ve been spoiled by the San Diego Comic Con, with its 125,000 plus attendees. But I realize that is an unfair comparison, since there really is no other Convention that even comes close to San Diego in terms of size and scope. No, I guess I was hoping more for a Wizard-World-like atmosphere, nothing huge, but still something of an event. Upon our arrival at the Convention Center there were so few people I actually wasn’t sure we were even in the right place. But this was indeed what a Fangoria Weekend of Horrors was like in 2009.

We hit the dealer’s room that, although pretty cool, was also pretty small. You can pretty much hit the whole thing in less than half an hour; depending on how much money you are there to spend. Needless to say, my spending budget was zero, so it was a quick trip. But like any dealers room at one of these cons, cool shit can be found if you just know how and where to look.

I was hoping to go to more celebrity panels, always the highlight of any convention for me. But the only real celebrity panel I got to attend was the Hellraiser reunion panel, with Clive Barker speaking along with “Pinhead” Doug Bradley and original film star Ashley Laurence. I’ve got to admit this hour long panel was a real treat, as Barker is really fun to listen to. There was a nice symmetry to seeing Clive at this Con, as his panel was the first one I saw way back at the ’91 convention. He was as witty and fun to listen to now as he was back then, although now he sounds a bit like Marge’s sisters on The Simpsons, but after another few hundred thousand cigarettes. Apparently he’s had some polyps removed from his throat, hence the permanent obscene phone caller voice. I know this because in true Convention fashion, some fan (probably with Asperger’s Syndrome) got up to the mike and asked “hey man, so like, what’s up with your voice?” making everyone uncomfortable and slightly embarrassed. Wouldn’t be a true convention Q&A without one of those.

Finally, we capped off the Con by witnessing the triple threat finale of The Costume Contest, The Tattoo Contest, and finally, The Fangoria “Spooksmodel” Contest.  The Costume Contest was pretty fun, although there were probably more underwhelming outfits than great ones (and if by some chance you happen to read this: Whoever came dressed up as Fatso from Killer Klowns from Outer Space, you were totally robbed. You shoulda won. Just sayin’). The Tattoo Contest seemed to me like a “why bother?” Sure, there were some impressive tats to be seen, but it feels like it was pandering to the Fangoria demographic’s fashion aesthetic and had nothing really to do with horror movies. If you are gonna have one of these, why not have a “You’re Too Fat For That T Shirt” contest at the next comic convention? Same logic applies. Finally, we got to the magic moment, The Spooksmodel contest. Apparently being the Fangoria Spooksmodel consists of being a hot chick who likes horror and can perform some act that amuses and/or titillates the typical horror obsessed male fan. They can be a difficult audience to please, to be sure. Of the ten contestants, some were embarrassing, some were amusing, and several were both.

And so we came to the end of our Weekend of Horrors adventure, which turned out to be more of a just a Saturday of Horrors as we didn’t come back for seconds on Sunday. I’ve gotta say, I’m glad the con exists still, even though it does seem like a shadow of its former self. I love the horror genre as much as I ever did, but now this con seems more cliquey than ever, more like a club meeting than a convention. I don’t have any tats or piercings, I don’t just wear black at all times, nor do I have long hair or a shaved head. Nor am I a woman with enormous fake breasts. And because of this fact, I was given looks like I was an outsider from more than one person, even though I’ve owned John Carpenter’s Halloween on VHS, Laser Disc, DVD AND Blu-ray. Does this mean I’m not part of the club anymore, just because I don’t wear the uniform? This might have been the only real horror I came away with this weekend.

Conner S. Che’s Take:

By three o’ clock in the afternoon I was sprawled out on a table in the outside dinning area of the L.A. Convention center. I wasn’t tired, though the Southern California heat was less than tolerable that day. No, I was at the moment immobilized by the panicking concern that I had absolutely nothing to write about. The moment Eric and I arrived at the convention I knew that the Fangoria Weekend of Horrors was at the very least aptly named – it was going to be a horrifying experience. (I know it’s a crap pun, please forgive me)

We met up with friends and fellow journalists from mondocelluloid.com, Shannon and Andy Roberts and set off to explore the dealer’s floor. The floor was half the size of a high school gymnasium and had the same smell of sweat, disappointment and testosterone. It might have been small but surely its quality would make up for its diminutive size!… or maybe not. There were the pre-requisite booths that every convention by law must have: Suicide Girls, t-Shirts, and posters booth, a booth with a porn star with preposterous sized breasts and Celebrity Signings. I went over to the celebrity signing section and noticed a sign that read “Corey Feldman”, but there was no Corey Feldman to be found. Where the fuck was Corey Feldman? Was there something more important he had to do than sell his signature for twenty dollars a pop? This was a question that was left unanswered.

The last time I was at Fangoria, about a year ago, there were a multitude of independent filmmakers with booths trying to achieve some grassroots exposure for their passion project. This year there was a serious lacking of talkative filmmakers. There was, however, an abundance of scowls. It was as if they saw our press passes slapped on our chest as signs that we were interlopers sent to poke fun and insult. I felt as if I accidentally wandered into a goth club dressed in all white and wearing a Wham! T-shirt. The press badge felt a little heavier as we left the floor to attend the Hellraiser reunion panel.

Clive Barker was by far the highlight of the convention. I remember watching the introduction on the VHS release of his 1990 film Night Breed and he looked so young and brash as he looked into the camera and said that the film presented was new and different in the genre of horror – a bold statement spoken from the perspective of a youth. In the medium-sized convention hall, Clive Barker walked onto stage as an elder statesman of the horror world. Of course, Doug Bradley (who played Pinhead) was also in attendance and so was Ashley Laurence (who played Kristy and who still looked as attractive as she did back in 1987, but with a better hair style). I was a little disappointed that Andrew Robinson (who played Kristy’s father, Larry) wasn’t there but it was mostly because I loved him as Garak on Deep Space Nine. The three spent an hour fielding questions from the moderator and reminiscing about the creation of the film. Ashley Laurence recalled a pep talk and demonstration by Clive about how the maggots were totally safe because her flesh wasn’t rotted right before they showered her with the creatures. It was pretty much your standard panel until Clive Barker struck on something that actually summed up the entire event for me. Clive was asked about a possible Hellraiser remake. The question was jeered by the crowd of attendees. Clive, ever eloquent, made an impassioned plea stating that artist should look the future and create something new instead of rehashing the past. He ended his answer by sternly speaking the words, “No more remakes!” to a roaring crowd.

Of course, away from the haze of a convention, we all know the truth. The truth is that Hellraiser will be remade with or without Clive Barker’s involvement and there isn’t a person that can do a damn thing about it. The truth is the studios have gone too far with remakes and artists should look to the future, but there is also a underlining truth that a convention like Fangoria is not for fans who want to live in that future. Fangoria is for those who want to relive the past. They cannot conceive of a future remake of Hellraiser being any good because it won’t be what they saw when they were a child. We are all are guilty of it, but the fans of Fangoria seem to be fortifying the walls of the convention center against the onslaught of a world who had passed them by.

After the panel we decided to go back to the floor to kill some time before the contests that would round out the day’s festivities. We paused for a second at the lobby of Fangoria and the whole place seemed devoid of life even though the convention hadn’t ended yet. We went home that night and discussed why the convention this year seemed less like Fangoria and more like Ghetto Con. It could have been the economy or the lack of organization by the event planners or maybe it was time marching on. I did have to defend the people who attended the show when conversation such as these devolved into slamming the show, as these conversations inevitably must (I also took part in the slamming too; I’m not a fucking saint). There were fans that looked like they had waited all year for this one event; not Wizard World, not Comic Con International, not the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo, but Fangoria. The goth kids and tattooed rockabillies and punks have adopted Fangoria as a home; a place they can congregate in comfort and ease in what they love away from the prying eyes of the rest of the world. It’s a place for them now and it’s OK that it is. It’s just not for me anymore and that’s going to have to be OK too.

Welcome to Geekscape After Dark, where one week ago Brian Gilmore and I were afforded the opportunity to interview the great Sasha Grey on the set of her latest film, This Ain’t Star Trek XXX, directed by the award-winning director Axel Braun (Compulsion, The Bush Administration).

Miss Grey has been already been in make-up most of the afternoon and by now is fully decked out in pointy ears and eye make-up that can only be described as “futuristic.” She’s about to take a seat on the bridge of what apparently ain’t the Enterprise when she asks if anyone’s had sex in the Captain’s chair.

“Not yet,” someone helpfully calls out. Satisfied, she sits, and our interview with the award-winning actress, model and renowned film geek Sasha Grey can begin.

William Bibbiani (unnecessarily Python-esque): Hellooo…!

Sasha Grey (unnecessarily nice): Hi!

WB: Hiiiii… (Pause) – We are big fans here at Geekscape.

SG: Thank you.

WB: And we just wanted to say thank you for letting us interview you… Who are you playing in Star Trek (XXX)?

SG: I’m playing Chandra. She’s an alien, but I’ve been told all day she’s a Vulcan, so you know…

WB: You could be a Romulan. You could be undercover.

SG: I don’t know. Maybe.

WB: Because they’re more in touch with their emotions, really.

SG: It feels like there will be a Part 2, so…

WB: Oh, well there you go. So we can get into that a bit further. Well, that’s fantastic… I’ve been checking out your blog, and such.

SG: Mm-Hm.

WB: And you are quite the film buff. (Whispered) – And we totally respect that. That’s awesome. (Less disturbing) – I read that your original choice for a name was Anna Karina (actress, singer and Jean Luc Godard’s first wife)?

SG: It was. I was going to use that and I didn’t.

WB: Why didn’t you? Because that’s awesome. (Backpedaling swiftly) – Not that Sasha Grey isn’t awesome…

SG: I think at the end of the day it just wouldn’t have worked…

WB: It just didn’t feel right? You didn’t feel it?

SG: You know? And you Google that name and somebody else that has a great life and is very talented, that already is her name and she owns that. (Conspiratorially) – I don’t mean that like she literally owns it, but…

WB: No, you don’t want to be disrespectful.

SG: Yeah, I think that would have been weird.

WB: That’s completely reasonable. And fair. I heard you say (in an interview she had just completed) that you didn’t want to talk too much about Godard films and which one is your favorite, but you are a huge Godard fan. (Beat) – Can you explain Alphaville?

SG (thinks, smiles, laughs a little): No!

WB: I have never figured that out.

SG (laughing): Can you explain Schizopolis?

WB: I think he just had a bunch of scenes from other movies threw them all together when it was done. It was really just kind of sad, that one. (Wistful) – But cute… but cute.

SG: Well, I don’t disagree, but…

WB: That’s fine… I was also wondering: You’re twenty-one.

SG: Yeah.

WB: So you’ve been in a couple hundred movies at this point? Somewhere…?

SG (careful to correct me): Scenes!

WB: Scenes?

SG: Yeah.

WB: But you’ve been in the movies nonetheless.

SG: Yeah.

WB: You’re starring a Steve Soderbergh movie coming out.

SG: Mm-hmm.

WB: You’re modeling… Do you sell motivational tapes? Because I’ve done nothing with my life so far and it feels like in the last three years you’ve just trounced me and everyone I know…

SG (laughs): I’m very optimistic but at the same time a very cynical person. So I don’t know if I don’t know if I would be the best person…!

WB: Well, it could be negative reinforcement…

SG: It could. Reverse psychology.

WB: I think we’d all be down with that. (To Gilmore) – Gilmore, did you have anything you wanted to…?

Brian Gilmore: So that’s the only advice you have for this man?

WB (to Gilmore): “Be cynical?”

BG: How can he further his career?

WB: Yeah…

BG: How can he follow in your footsteps?

WB (honestly): Yeah. Help me out here, because I’m dying.

SG (confidently): Don’t take “No” for an answer.

WB: Okay. (Pause) – So just now when I let you get out of that question, I shouldn’t have?

SG: Yeah.

WB (sotto): God damn it! God damn it…

SG (trying to douse the flames): Nooo…!

BG: You’re learning lessons, William! You are now learning lessons.

WB (actually sotto this time): I’m a failure… (Normal) … Anyway, can you talk about anything that isn’t related to Hustler…?

SG: Well, like what do you want to know?

William: PG Porn? Can you talk about PG Porn (James Gunn’s satirical short films about pornographic situations gone awry)?

SG: Oh yeah. PG Porn… I think they’re on their fifth episode?

WB: I caught yours.

SG: Yeah.

WB: …And it was of course hilarious. Was James Gunn already a fan? Did he just call you and hook you up?

SG: He actually stalked me through MySpace. And I didn’t believe him.

WB: Right.

SG: “Yeah, whatever…”

WB: Were you familiar with his other stuff…?

SG: Yeah.

WB: And you just still thought, “Pfft! James Gunn, fuck him…”

SG (correcting): Well, I mean… he could be anybody on the internet.

WB: That’s true.

SG: I didn’t really believe it was him.

WB: What did he do to convince you?

SG: Well, I talked to Belladonna.

WB: Ah.

SG: He said, “I also talked to Belladonna about this project,” and I called her, and she said “Yeah, it’s really him.”

BG: So you actually answer people who message you on MySpace?

SG: Yeah, I have about (thinks) seven hundred pages? But I generally just delete stuff that says, “Hi,” “Hey,” “How you doin’?” That’s… What? You’re not saying anything…

BG: Anyone try to date you through MySpace? Any creepy horror stories? What’s the guy who’s tried the hardest… and failed?

SG: I generally just forget. There’s a few really funny ones that I’ve actually saved because I want to use them in some kind of compendium, like, bound-type book, which is all these weird letters. And my other favorite is getting other messages that aren’t meant for you, and it’s a conversation between two other people, and somehow in the cyber world it gets sent to your inbox. Those are my favorite.

BG: We were thinking of doing that, but just with anyone who has ever had a vagina and signed up for MySpace…

SG: …Yeah, you don’t even have to be in adult film!

BG: You just have to be a female.

SG: Yup. That’s right.

BG: Any of those you want to share with us?

SG: I mean, I can’t even remember any of them off hand. I did have, when I was brand new, I had this French guy who was manic-depressive. But his letters were so interesting. I don’t even remember because it was three years ago but I saved them, then he deleted his profile so they all got erased.

BG: So what amount of improvisation actually goes into your acting? Like, I know you talk a lot during your scenes.

SG: Mm-hmm.

Gilmore: So what exactly inspires you to do that? Is that just how you roll or do you choose to say certain things at certain times for a reason?

SG: Yeah, well I got in this business to change things and I think, you know, as [an adult] performer you’re limited. So I figured I might as well try to fuck with the person that I’m having sex with. You know (snaps fingers), psychological warfare.

Gilmore: Right. I’ve noticed that. And a lot of the time it’s hard for guys to keep up with what you’re saying. They repeat part of what you’re saying and then they start moaning or something, like they’re trying to weasel out of it.

WB: Yeah, they look like they’re a little distracted.

SG: But again, I don’t always do that… this is more thematic (gesturing to the colorful space ship set), so I might scale that back. So it’s always different and it always changes.

Gilmore: Like a lot of times, actually I was just talking to Will about it…

WB: Extensively…

BG: …I’ll hear you say something that’s seemingly random. Like you called this one guy’s “cock” “crooked,” at some point and I’m like: “Really?” I’m like, “I don’t see that as being crooked right now, but… Why would she say that?” What inspires you to say things like that?

SG: Probably my point of the view at the moment…I mean if I’m on my knees or something! (Laughs)

BG: Just probably the way it’s angling.

SG: Yeah.

BG: So essentially it’s you wanting to bring something new to the table because you’re completely naked and there’s nothing that you can…

SG: And a lot of people phone it in, you know?

BG: Yeah!

SG: “Okay, let’s get it done,” and…

BG: So it’s what sets you apart.

SG: Yeah, well I mean it’s not just the women. Sometimes the men too…

WB: Right, right…

BG: So who’s been able to keep up with you the best, do you think, verbally? You ever have anyone where it’s been an even match?

SG (thinks): This lady, Chanta Rose, but she was “Dom-ing” me, so…(trails off because she knows we can all finish that thought)

BG: Is there anything  else you’re working on that you’d want us to tell people about?

SG (thinks): My website, SashaGrey.com, will be launching in a few days (should be up by now, folks!). And I’ll be releasing my first DVD in May, most likely. And my toy line with Doc Johnson will be out in July.

WB: Exciting! Thank you so much!

SG: No problem.

WB: You’re fantastic.

SG: Thank you!

(Sasha Grey stars in Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience [which, yes, we forgot to ask about] and Hustler’s This Ain’t Star Trek XXX, both scheduled for release in May 2009.)

LIFE AFTER GALACTICA:
WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE

It’s a sad fact of life, but we gotta deal with it.

The fleet has jumped for the final time. The Opera House turned out to be the CIC. The President lasted until humanity reached terra firma. After four seasons of being an egocentric douchebag, Baltar not only did something frakkin’ noble, he finally came to his senses and realized there was no one in the universe hotter than Six, and his midgety ass is damn lucky to bang her on a regular basis (plowing fields and then getting to come home to plow her sounds like paradise to me). And after the distracting Ron Moore cameo and the bizarrely improbable robot montage, there is only one lingering question for many of us. And no, it’s not how did he have the balls to leave the Starbuck situation so nebulous.

It’s how the hell is my lame ass going to feel justified if I stay in on a Friday night?

Caprica is an unknown quantity (and hell, it could end up airing on Sundays for all I know) so I have to look for things to fill the Galactica void. This series of articles is going to try and provide some.

Dollhouse is currently a show that has been damned by faint praise. After all, this is a Joss Whedon show. If there is anyone working in TV today who inspires geeks to gush and fall over themselves like Southern belles with the vapors, it’s him. Southern belles quoting Xander dialogue, but still. To hardcore Whedonites good episodes of Buffy are like crack; and after Firefly’s cancellation, the film Serenity was like getting unexpected make-up sex from the girlfriend who moved away. So after years of absence from our tubes (or plasmas if you can afford them) you would expect Whedon to be welcomed back to the airwaves like a conquering hero. And when I saw him give a presentation for Dollhouse to a full room at NY Comic Con, he was. Hell, he just WALKED BY the audience as we were queuing up to go in and they cheered like he was a rock star.

But a lot of people I talk to, from Whedonites themselves to sci-fi nerds in general have been giving the show the cold shoulder. The reasons why:

The premise is, well, kind of icky. Dollhouse is essentially about high-tech prostitution. The ‘dolls’ have their personalities wiped, then new custom made ones are inserted. Dolls get rented out to clients, and a lot of clients have sex with them.

The dialogue isn’t as funny or sharp as Whedon’s usual standard. A few random Xanderisms aside, don’t expect to be in stitches.

The premise doesn’t even hold up to any scrutiny. A lot of people rent out dolls for jobs that would make a lot more sense (and probably cost a whole hell of a lot less) to be trusted to a security professional. Not to mention, how the hell does the place even make economic sense? Between the technology and internal security to keep the joint running, how does it take in enough from hummers and hostage negotiations to pay its employees, let alone turn a profit?

There is no strong central character, like on Buffy. The lead character, Echo, has no real personality of her own – every week she becomes a different character. How do you get invested in a show where your central character is a complete cipher?

Eliza Dushku isn’t a good enough actress to pull it off. Every week, she’s supposed to be someone totally different – but she’s not enough of a chameleon to change that much – her characters all feel the same.

Now I’m going to give you some reasons why I think you SHOULD be watching, and why the show is worthy of occupying your TIVO slot recently vacated by Galactica.

It’s about the long game, stupid. A lot of shows don’t nail it out of the park on their first few outings. Whedon shows have had some early stumbles-remember the demon robot and hyena people from the first season of Buffy? Sorry to do that to you, I try to forget them as well. But where they really succeed is in big sweeping season long arcs. Remember Buffy Season 2? Spike and Drusilla emerge as a bigger threat than can be dealt with in a single hour, and then midway through the season, Angel turns evil and REALLY made a mess of things. Despite some early clunkers (the episode where Echo is a back-up singer to a pop star in particular) the long game promises to be pretty interesting. March 20th’s episode ‘Man on the Street’ has started dropping clues that there are deeper plots at work here. The Dollhouse is only one of twenty in operation around the globe. The money and powers involved are substantial, and the technology has some other purpose beyond exploiting pretty people. There are players remaining to be seen, and agendas to be revealed.

All well and good, you say, but what about characters? The long game will probably pay some very nice dividends here too. The ‘imprinting’ process apparently isn’t perfect. Echo is starting to remember details from her assignments, and her personality is subtly beginning to assert itself. Which brings us to the big bad waiting in the wings: former doll Alpha, who once displayed similar traits, and went knife happy on several dolls and staff before disappearing to parts unknown. We don’t know where he is or exactly what his game is, but he has an interest in Echo in particular, and the Dollhouse in general, and has planted breadcrumbs for FBI Agent Ballard (Tahmoh Penikett, known forever now as Battlestar’s Helo) to follow.

Well, what about twists, you say? Whedon has nicely stolen a page from Battlestar’s playbook – sleeper agents. Since dolls are so thoroughly mindwiped that they themselves have no idea they are one, we can expect (and have already seen, in fact) that some of them have been carefully cultivated as sleeper agents. After hearing a trigger phrase the person you were talking to can turn homicidal and kill you a second later. Any character we meet could in fact be a doll, and I’m hoping the show will play more with the inherent paranoia in the core concept.

Well, what about relationships? Oh, you ignorant sluts. There are a lot of personal dynamics at play. Echo’s handler, Boyd, is getting attached to her (no, not pelvically) and his conscience causes friction over how he should do his job. And while Agent Ballard may seem the noble sort, outraged by the exploitation of the dolls, as a Dollhouse client very adroitly points out, maybe the damsel-in-distress fetish is what really motivates him. After he restores Echo to her old self is there some grateful fuck fantasy he wants to fulfill with her?

Gray = interesting. Or, to put it less succinctly, the less moral certainty we have about what’s going on, the more open answered questions of right and wrong are, the more engaging the show is; another page stolen from the Galactica playbook. Part of the reason why Whedon’s usual zingers and wordplay aren’t in the forefront is they don’t match this tone. As amoral and exploitative as the whole purpose of the Dollhouse is, the temptation and the possibilities of the place are undeniable. The dolls themselves, to some degree, have consented to become what they are. Whether or not they’ve been coerced in any substantial way is still uncertain. According to the terms of her deal, Echo will get her life back after five years of service (hey, just enough for the show to reach syndication!). Again, whether or not the Dollhouse will fulfill this bargain with her, or with any of the dolls, remains uncertain. And since the process itself reduces Echo to an ignorant, trusting state of mind, how could she fight back if they decide to renege on the deal? And since she and the others may be a willing participants, who exactly is hurt? Well, aside from her during those times when a client puts her life at risk, of course.

Co-ed shower scenes.  Weekly softcore network nudity, more than you’re going to see on NCIS, that’s for damn sure.

And, finally, shirtless Tahmoh Penikett. I’m not even remotely gay but DAMN he looks good. See for yourself.

Dollhouse is free to view on Hulu.com, seven episodes are available at any time. Go catch up then tune in Fridays at 9. Have faith in the long game. And Tahmoh’s abs.

So, let’s say you have this brilliant idea to create the next epic classic.  What exactly would you need? Well, looking back at previous epics, you can choose from any of the following: westerns, romances, war movies, social commentaries, and musical renditions of classic childhood novels. Now say you want to make it the best freaking epic that’s ever been made…easy! Make a movie that combines all of them in one! That’s what Baz Luhrmann’s “Australia” attempts, but doesn’t necessary complete.

                           The Gorgeous Australian Outback

    The story takes place in 1940’s Australia on a cattle ranch smack in the middle of the gorgeous Australian outback. Narrated by an aboriginal boy, Nullah (Brandon Walters), Australia tells of a rich aristocrat, Lady Sarah Ashley (Nicole Kidman) who teams up with a wildcard drover (Hugh “My Abs Create Heat” Jackman) to save her late husband’s ranching business by driving 1,500 cattle across the outback before the duplicitous Fletcher (David Wenham) can destroy her family’s fortune. If the movie had ended there, you would have had a perfectly good Western. But the movie doesn’t stop there; it continues on for a whopping 165 minutes. Now, for the rest of the movie you have a tumultuous love story between Jackman and Kidman, a Japanese attack on the city of Darwin, racial commentary, and a constant homage to Wizard of Oz (the music to “Over the Rainbow” appears in one form or another throughout the duration of the film).

                 Hugh Jackman’s Gorgeous Australian Outback

       Hugh Jackman’s Gorgeous Australian Outfront…in Blu-Ray!

Now, don’t get me wrong. The movie was cinematically gorgeous and is surprisingly faithful to the noisy and frenetic atmosphere that permeates all of Luhrmann’s work. The love story, however, is no Moulin Rouge. Sarah and the Drover do have chemistry, but a lot of that is Hugh Jackman’s raw sexual appeal (for visual confirmation, please see the bathing scene above) and less of it is Nicole Kidman’s acting.

                    Nicole Kidman Mourning the Current Scene

After all, Nicole Kidman flits around like a melodramatic porcelain caricature of previously played characters. It appears that she tries to add depth to the character by constantly looking like she’s on the verge of tears, a la Kristen Kreuk. Drover, on the other hand, has mountains of promise for dramatic development, only to fall regrettably short of any type of explanation or character development whatsoever. Hugh Jackman did a wonderful job for a part that seems stunted by design.
    The most powerful and interesting characters are Nullah and his mysterious Aboriginal grandfather, King George. Perhaps, I find them most interesting because they represent the most intriguing part of the film. They represent the underlying theme of the cultural differentiation and disparity that exists in Australia; the clash between the Aboriginal culture and the English Caucasian culture. Historically, this clash manifested itself in the form of the Stolen Generations: generations of aboriginal children who were stolen from their mothers and sequestered in White homes to assimilate them. This government funded program lasted from the early 1900s to 1973, with no formal apology until late 2008.  For me, this storyline was appealing because it was a part of history that, as an American, I had been relatively blind to. The idea of clashing cultures is not only universal, but is particularly poignant in the film when Nullah must go on his “walkabout” in order to become a man in the eyes of his people.

    Overall, the movie epically fails to do what Luhrmann obviously set out to do: it’s no epic anything (besides epic length). The love story is existent but not nearly as powerful as in his previous films, the Western aspects are there and exciting, but not classic status by any means, and the War flies by (yes, pun intended, see the movie and you’ll get it). All of that isn’t to say it’s not a good movie, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was visually gorgeous and laden with kitsch and whimsical moments. Also, Hugh Jackman is mouth-watering throughout. All in all, it was thoroughly Luhrmann (for me, that’s a great thing), and I appreciate his effort to take on something so ambitious, even if he does not quite accomplish it.

           This Child Was Forced to Sit Through This Entire Film

Australia is now out on DVD and Blu-Ray at a store near you! I recommend Blu-Ray for this film’s saving grace: Jackman-Skin

DC has had this problem for a while. It’s not a problem entirely of their own making, but one that has dogged them for a while now. They possess three of the most instantly recognizable superheroic cultural icons of the twentieth century.

But most people know the origins for only two of them.

Big Blue and the Brooding Batboy have been retold so many times, in so many mediums, that you could probably walk up to an eight year-old Inuit living off whale blubber on an ice floe in the Aleutians and he knows about BOTH planet Krypton AND what happened in Crime Alley. But ask him, or even some comic shop regulars, about Wonder Woman’s origin, and the most anyone will be able to give them is a recap from an old Challenge of the SuperFriends episode (‘Secret Origins of the Superfriends’ circa 1978). IF they even know that much. In short: girl is made of clay, given life by the Greek gods of ancient myth, grows up on Y-chromosome free Paradise Island, and competes in a tournament to become the island’s representative in man’s world. Wackiness and cleavage displays ensue.

If you didn’t know her origin, don’t feel bad that I was able to give it so quickly; I actually own the SuperFriends DVDs.

But, as many of you reading this are doubtlessly aware, early next month Warner Bros. is releasing a brand spanking new Wonder Woman DVD movie. The animated feature has become their latest vehicle for animated projects with DC heroes not solely aimed at the under twelves (a fond adieu to the Justice League series and its progenitors parting was inevitable). But the quality of the output has been decidedly mixed for me. Superman/Doomsday was a total yawn. Batman: Gotham Knight, while interesting, suffered from Animatrix syndrome; some good ideas not given enough room to be substantial, and hampered by an incoherent jumble of styles. And New Frontier, while having a very solid voice cast, and being stylistically well-conceived, went in too many story directions, and had about the LAMEST cartoon villain I can ever recall. A giant meteor spitting out dinosaurs? REALLY? It’s even lamer than the floating head of evil that spawned zombies in an old SuperFriends episode (Swamp of the Living Dead also circa 1978).

So as a DC animated fan, I didn’t have extremely high expectations for the new Wonder Woman movie when I saw it last Friday night. And as a DC animated fan, I have rarely been more pleased than now as I tell you how mistaken I was. The movie is smart, well-constructed, funny, adult, and also considerably more violent than I expected. As to that last, if you don’t believe me, there are more decapitations here than in the entire series run of Justice League (granted – the series had only one, which occurred off-screen in the series’ finale ‘Destroyer’-but still…).

The origin is there, and it’s more fleshed out and fully realized than expected. The movie is, in fact, all origin. Apparently the producers learned something from Batman Begins. The story starts off with a war between the Amazons, led by Wonder Woman’s mother, Hippolyta, and an army of mythological beasts led by the god of war, Ares. We learn during their battle that Ares and Hippolyta have an adult son together, and apparently that son’s conception may not have been an entirely consensual one. And while we’re still absorbing that little tidbit, Hippolyta, in order to win the battle, kills the aforementioned son. Zeus forbids Hippolyta from killing Ares, opting to remove his powers instead and make him a prisoner. At which point, Zeus gives the Amazons Paradise Island as a sanctuary, makes them immortal, and conceals the island from ‘man’s world.’ All this before Wonder Woman/Diana herself even gets introduced.

Hippolyta of course, wants to be a mother, but lacking the means to go about it the old fashioned way, sculpts baby Diana out of clay, who is then given life by the Gods. Diana gets raised in the Amazon tradition; which means she’s majoring in how to kick ass, with minors in horseback riding, wearing togas and swimming in crystal streams. This idyllic Playboy mansion grotto existence (minus the liver-spotted guy in the smoking jacket) would have gone on ad infinitum, until a fighter jock named Steve Trevor crashes his plane on the island.

And thank God for that. Seriously. Because he’s voiced by Nathan Fillion. The quality of the voice talent isn’t solely limited to this one role; Alfred Molina, Oliver Platt, Virginia Madsen, and yes, that Felicity chick all perform well. But nobody owns their character or gets as many laughs out of their lines quite like Fillion does.

Still, that’s only one good thing about Steve Trevor in this movie. He also brings a lot of life, humor, and balance to the story. Whether he’s ogling Amazons while they cavort like something out of a 50s ‘nudie-cutie’ movie, being subjected to the embarrassment of the magic lasso’s influence, or covering Diana’s back in a fight, the character adds to or steals every scene he’s in. Which is a lot of them. He also moves the story forward; his arrival convinces Hippolyta that the island can’t simply ignore man’s world, leading her to hold a tournament that will appoint an ambassador to escort him back. You can guess who wins that, right? Unfortunately, Ares also picks that moment as his opportunity to escape the island, and Diana and Steve are tasked with stopping him before he regains his full set of godly powers.

What follows ventures a bit into buddy cop/romantic comedy territory. Steve Trevor is the self-assured/womanizing/savvy Chris Tucker type, with Wonder Woman in the physically formidable/socially stiff/fish-out-of-water Jackie Chan role. Only they’re actually funny and not remotely shrill or annoying. Plus the idea of them getting pelvic isn’t in any way disturbing. Wonder Woman’s interactions and frustrations with the inequities of man’s world are played deftly, often for humor, but stay true to the feminist ideals inherent to the character. Which is a neat trick, considering that she’s also used as eye candy and there’s no shortage of sexual innuendo floating around as well. The action builds nicely; Ares schemes, mayhem ensues, and the whole thing builds to a very violent climactic battle in the middle of Washington D.C., which adds both a little urgency and some Greek architecture to the proceedings. But even with all the action, it’s the Wonder Woman/Steve Trevor romance that’s the heart of the movie. Their relationship is analogous for Diana’s mission; the coming together of Amazon and man (no pun intended), and the reconcilement of feminist ideals with the reality of the outside world.

Okay, I admit. I did mean for the first part of that last sentence to be every bit as dirty as it sounded.

Is the movie flawed? Sure, but in some small, mostly forgivable ways. A few events do feel contrived. Chief example – we have NO IDEA how the Amazons, who were cut off from the rest of the world for two thousand years, suddenly have an invisible jet. But everything moves at a brisk enough pace, and there is so much else right, that for the 74 minute run time those small things can slide.

And I was very content to let them slide, because all of this has been a considerable leap forward for Warner Animation from previous efforts. Hopefully in a year or three we’ll get to see Diana go up against her other rogues like Cheetah, Dr. Psycho, Circe, or Giganta in a sequel. Or perhaps see similar movies of comparable quality for Green Lantern, the Flash, or any number of DC’s characters. In the meantime, if you’ve been hoping for a defining, well-told origin story for Wonder Woman, they’ve delivered. This is a story that clearly has an idea of not only where Wonder Woman came from, but who she is, and what makes her unique as a superhero. Well worth watching.

Oh, Resident Evil….

You tricky bitch, you…

Remember when Resident Evil was that cute little girl in the corner?  She was all into the same geeky things you were, she was goofy, and she loved to get weird every once in a while?  She was always around, too.  She’d hit you up for some great dates every now and again.  Some quality ones – really!..  Oh, and then remember how a few years went by, and you didn’t see her as much, and then suddenly she dyed her hair blonde and lost all that weight?  That was really something!  Man, what times you had then!..  But then it turned out that deep down she was still pretty weird underneath that new coating.  Yeah, she had hottt third-person action, but she was still pulling out the living-statue-in-a-creepy-castle-owned-by-a-badly-voiced-tiny-man card…..  Eh…..

Yeah.  Well, she’s back.  And she’s bringing with her a whole new slew of gameplay tropes to rope you back in.   She’s got prettier graphics, naturally.  She’s got some co-op gameplay.  She’s got some on-the-fly inventory management.  Yeah.  The RE 5 demo is out now ( sorta ), and we’re lucky enough to have put our hands on it.  But, did we like it?

It pains me to say this, but I have to bring another game into this discussion before I can really tell you what this demo achieves and what it doesn’t: Left 4 Dead.  Without going too much into it, L4D is a stellar game.  Not just a stellar zombie game, mind you, but a stellar game.  While L4D offers little in the way of story, what it gets oh-so-right is its sense of vivid, fluid gameplay that gives instant gratification.  While also a zombie game, RE5’s shambling masses play by different rules.  RE5’s zombies, much like the ones found in RE4 are scary, yes, but slow.  They’re deadly, they’re nasty, but they require twenty slugs apiece to takedown.  They drop glowing bullet boxes on the ground.  They fill their towns with wooden barrels, also containing bullet boxes and stacks of gold…..   Ho-hum….

RE5 is a beautiful, fun third-person action game with ridiculously large muscles, and when it hits retail, I will probably buy a ( second-hand ) copy; but on the heels of a game such as Left 4 Dead, it seems to be stuck with a number of gameplay conventions that tie it to an older generation.  See, it seems to me that games are mostly an evolutionary medium.  We are more used to slow refinement than all out reinvention with every game we play – and that’s a good thing.  But, when you have a company like Valve who takes big risks with their products, it ( un )fortunately changes how we see the conventions of the now…

RE5 is a completely competent game, but I don’t know how thirlled I’ll be once it’s out.  I mean, shooting one human thirteen times only to watch them flail around oddly, then get up again, then get shot eight more times, and then disappear in a weird bloody, bubbly mess is just kinda tiresome.  I want some real action from my weapons.  I want a man to be crippled in a couple of shots.  Yeah, RE5 is more of a sci-fi game than L4D, and yeah, it may not be fair to compare the two in the sense that one is a third-person game and the other, first-person…  Still, when it comes to real fear and anticipation, a game like Left 4 Dead trumps RE5 in every way.  Chances are, the final version of Resident Evil 5 will be just fine.  A just-fine game content to have a foot in the last generation.

Oh, and on the intro screen: < really, super-creepy tone of voice > RESIDENT EVIL …5!!!!

Really??  Get out of here with that shit!  Jesus’s mother!!

 “Where maaaah cookies!?!”

You have some interest in role-playing games, or RPGs. Admit it to yourself. Unless you’re a maniacal fan of this website who must read EVERY SINGLE word on its pages, you clicked on this review because you like role-playing games. No? I hear you mumbling to yourself; “…Mhm, I like ‘em okay, I guess. I pick-up a Final Fantasy from time-to-time, but I wouldn’t call myself a fan.” No problem. You’ve never heard of Persona 4, or the Shin Megami Tensei series, but you clicked the link that lead you here because of the bright, endearing anime characters in the little picture. Well, for you part-time RPG fans, we ask you to please keep reading. (As for the rest of you – long-time RPGers in-the-know, or those who played last years stellar SMT: Persona 3, you already know you’re in the right place.) Yeah, I’m here to tell you that the new Persona 4 is nothing short of a brilliant RPG – a massive, deliciously creamy layer cake of a game that is oh-so satisfying.

See, a good role-playing game should give you choices and options out-the-whazoo, while still remaining relatable and compelling. Publisher Atlus has made sure that Persona 4 does this to a tee. It all stems from the series’ ingenious setting. Where most RPGs have you locked in some fantastic realm of magic, be it in the past or some other dimension, the Shin Megami Tensei series (and more specifically, the Persona series) takes pains to create stories that take place in the real world. Yes, the characters inevitably end up in strange places casting magic spells, but they begin as normal high-school teens. This ‘dual-life’ dynamic sets it apart from so many other RPGs. Your in-game days are spent going to class, studying, and jugging social calendars, while most nights are devoted to solving the mysteries blossoming around the town.

For those of you who would scoff at the idea of going to school INSIDE of a video-game, let me say that I didn’t imagine that it could be exciting either. But there are advantages. See, the Persona games are all about gathering around your various Personae, or ‘shadow-selves’ who do your magical bidding once you need some ass-kicking done. Your ability to wield these magical beings (who’re based on mythological creatures from all sorts of different worldly origins) changes as your character advances. While you’re at school, and in your time spent around town, your friendships with your real-life buddies grow and change. These friendships are what the game calls “Social Links,” and there are many to be found. The better your character does in school, the more friends he makes, the more your Social Links evolve, the more bonuses you receive when you collect and create your Personae, and the more ass you get to kick! I hate to use this comparison, but this dynamic is like a beefy, muscular version of P—–n (sounds like “Okee, mon.”) It’s totally addicting. There are, I believe, over one hundred Personae in the game – all with different spells and abilities, and it’s incredibly easy to pour hours into the game tinkering with combinations in order to ferret-out the ones you want.

All of this should be very familiar to fans of the series, but what makes Persona 4 a must-own for any RPG fan is the way the designers have not only streamlined their ideas and play mechanics to further perfection, but they’ve gone the extra mile in making the characters and the story relatable and interesting. Firstly, in place of Tartarus, the endless and mysterious dungeon of Persona 3, P4’s battles take place in universes that come from the characters’ minds. The same dungeon-crawling elements remain as before, but now they don’t consist of floor after faceless floor. All dungeon-crawling is literally spawned from the experiences and personalities of the characters involved in the story, which only further strengthens the themes and motions of the plot.

Which reminds me: I don’t remember the last time I actually enjoyed the sheer presentation of a group of video game characters so much. With but one notable exception, the voice acting of the game is top-notch. While a full Japanese language track is not available, the American voice cast is truly remarkable, which is impressive considering most full-blown American games can’t achieve said feat. Not only are the characters voiced well, they’re also given a wonderful script. Where P3’s dialogue was sometimes stilted and straightforward, P4’s script is surprising and exciting; Atlus’s translation is just fantastic. On top of this, the character designs of Shigenori Soejima are expressive and enchanting. (Though this reviewer does miss the stylings of Kazuma Kaneko….) To boot, the overall presentation of the menus, settings, and graphics have a beautiful, lively, and kinetic feel.

Overall, the only real thing that will disappoint some gamers is the series’ legendary difficulty. While not an otherworldly challenge, the Persona games are known for their numerous beat-downs. As with Persona 3, battles are based on using enemies’ weaknesses against them to your advantage, effectively knocking them down. Once knocked-down, enemies are easy to conquer. Unfortunately, your Personae are similarly vulnerable. If an enemy chances to catch you off-guard, battles that were shoe-ins suddenly tip radically in their favor – sometimes leading to humiliating failures versus common sewer rats. Some gamers will cry foul at the game’s liberal see-saw mechanics, but most will appreciate the attention that the game requires from each and every skirmish. Persona 4 is not afraid of involving you in a bit of trial and error as well, but the game is structured so that it’s easy to level-up your characters and score that elusive Persona you need to escape the big boss battles alive. And, when you finally do best that boss, the sense of accomplishment is often times overwhelming. (If you haven’t played an SMT game before, you’ll be happy to see that an Easy mode is selectable, though it’s in no way a cakewalk – be warned!)

Persona 4 invites you into a massive world of dual-life goodness. One part high-school drama, one part monster collecting/smashing marathon, and another part Japanese-anime-everything-but-the-kitchen-sink wackiness, it never fails to surprise, delight, and compel. It’s my RPG of the year, no question – and it’s on the PS2!

Enjoy.

Two weeks ago, I read that Beyonce is publically lobbying for the hotly contested role of Wonder Woman in the upcoming DC Comics/Warner Brothers production, I admit that I recoiled a little. Beyonce? Seriously? Sure, I’ve been known to belt “Crazy in Love” from the privacy of my car (and maybe at the occasional karaoke bar), but Beyonce’s no actress. And it takes more than extreme hotness to do justice to Lynda Carter’s iconic role. So, studio execs, before you fit Beyonce for a red bathing suit, please consider some of these other choices.

We asked the Geekscape team what they thought and here’s what our writers Caroline Collins, Eric Diaz, and Geekscape Features Editor Brian Gilmore brought to the table…

#10 Priyanka Chopra

Priyanka is a Bollywood actress that hasn’t encountered much box office success in more recent years, but has been the subject of much critical acclaim and awards. She has that exotic look that makes her almost other-worldly, which could be played up very well in her role as Wonder Woman. Of course, the accent could be a problem, but all actors love a challenge!

#9 Megan Gale

The girl was tapped to play Wonder Woman in the (now defunct…thank God) Justice League movie. She was good enough for Warner Brothers at some point, and seems to have the right look. Her acting chops are definitely questionable, but she does have that look that would translate really well on billboards – which we’re sure is very important to the WB. We think she looks good, though, and that she could possibly deserve a chance. An enormous role was ripped away from her in a matter of months! Give the girl a chance. Still, though, she’s our number nine.

#8 Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale has played a vampire (“Underworld”) and has even slain them (“Van Helsing” – although most of us would probably prefer forgetting about “Van Helsing,” right?), so she definitely has some action cred. She possesses a perfect face (seriously, as much as I like her, I also can’t help hating her a little). She has already even reportedly expressed interest in the role, which was a main reason we inluded her.

#7 Anne Hathaway

Oh, how Anne has grown up since her days playing the awkward princess of whatever-the-name-of-that-fake-country was in Disney films! Her raw and stirring performance in this fall’s “Rachel Getting Married” proved that she is one of the savviest actresses working today – and I believe she certainly has the presence to fill Lynda Carter’s boots.

#6 Mandy Moore

Okay, Mandy may seem like an unlikely choice given that she is probably best known for terrible romantic comedies like “License to Wed” and sort of awesome teen movies that I pretend to like ironically (but secretly just love) like “Chasing Liberty.” But the 5’10 beauty is poised and charismatic and flicks like “Saved” prove that she can do more than grin sweetly on camera. And she still has yet to find that career-defining role.

#5 Morena Baccarin/Charisma Carpenter

Both of these lovely actresses were batted around as potential Wonder Women when Joss Whedon was still on the project, and I would have been delighted to see either of these ladies headline. They both starred in his series: Charisma as Cordelia Chase in “Buffy” and “Angel,” and Morena as Inara in “Firefly”. Neither is a household name (well, outside of certain circles), and both are stunning, strong, and graceful.

#4 Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Winstead tested for the part in JLA, but ultimately lost it to Megan Gale. She was in Grindhouse, where she seemed a little too petite for my taste, but otherwise has the right look. She’s a little on the Wonder “Girl” side, but would definitely have the talent and depth to pull off a good, conflicted, and layered Diana.

#3 Victoria Hill

Aside from Winstead, Hill is another australian actress who tested for the part in JLA. Who knows if she can act, but she looks the part to me at least. Also, she doesn’t look like a girl, but a woman, which I really like.

#2 Monica Dean

A Romanian actress that could make you pee your pants just by looking at you. She has the perfect look. Again, who knows if she can act, but that stare screams Wonder Woman. “I veel mek you eentoo my fahckbeetch”.

#1 Taylor Cole

Taylor Cole seems to strike a perfect note as Wonder Woman in that she not only has the look to be a younger Diana, but has the character in her eyes to come off as something other than a model who wants to act. She’s also relatively unknown, which is a huge plus for us. She can be our Wonder Woman any day.

Aaand, to Wear Out That Spinal Tap Quote Even More…This List Goes to Eleven!

Our Top Wonder Woman Pick: Cobie Smulders

Sure, she doesn’t have the sexiest or mightiest name in the industry, but she definitely has the right look. Photoshops of her as Wonder Woman have surfaced all over the internet and are quite convincing. Rumors that Joss Whedon chose her for his Wonder Woman project, while he was still on it, solidified our opinion of the gir. She plays a very likable character on How I Met Your Mother and seems to have the acting chops to pull off something a little more layered than the ex Canadian pop star, and main character lover interest that she plays on the show. If she’s good enough for Joss, she’s good enough for us

In the not to distant past, 1988 A.D. to be precise, a guy named Joel got together with some of his writing buddies and put together a TV show for the local UHF station, KTMA, in Minnesota.  The premise of the show was simple enough.  A man, stranded in a space station orbiting earth, is tortured by his employers by being forced to watch the bottom of the celluloid barrel.  For companionship, he builds a couple of robot pals to join him in his hellish fate.  That’s it.  Sure, throughout the show’s 11 years on the air, and 198 full episodes, the man escaped, was replaced, the satellite escaped earths orbit and was chased around the galaxy by the employer’s mom, a cheeky man-monkey, and a pasty “Brain-guy”, but if all that sounds confusing and contrived, then repeat to yourself, “it’s just a show, I should really just relax.”  This was Mystery Science Theater 3000.

    This past Tuesday saw the release of SHOUT! Factory’s brand new 20th anniversary deluxe box set.  It includes a crow figurine, a couple of postcard-like lobby cards, a fancy pants tin box, and (most importantly) four DVD’s featuring four never before released episodes. 

    What are the episodes?  Does it matter?  Few episodes of MST3K are recognizable by name (Manos: Hands of Fate, and Mitchell come to mind), because in the end, we watch these movies for the individual jokes, not the movie.  Can you tell me the plot of “Pod People”?  Probably not, but do you remember Joel and the bots singing along to the sadly catchy “idiot control now” (it stinks!)?

    This past summer, we here at geekscape got the opportunity to sit down with a couple of the best brains behind this superbly hilarious phenomenon, Trace Beaulieu, Jim Mallon and the ever sleepy Joel Hodgson.  Trace (Dr. Forrester / Crow), Jim (Gypsy), and Joel (Duh) were kind enough to spend a couple of minutes with us to talk about the early days of creating a show, the transition to a nationwide cable station, and the circle-of-life-like way that the show remains relevant.

    Starting the show at KTMA was a down and dirty, $100 budget, work of love that survived off of the prepurchased movie catalogue that the station already had the rights for.  For those 22 episodes, this show blossomed into the underground sensation that it deserved.  It was one of the last shows I can remember that had an official fan club that offered membership cards and read hand written letters on the air.  This was a single market show that never forgot its roots.

    When Comedy Central (then called Comedy Channel) picked up the show, they initially wanted the show to move away from its Minnesota homebase and over to the cable channel’s fancy new digs in New York City.  Joel, Trace, and the rest of the crew refused.  They took a bold stance to stay where they were.  The fact that the studio CC offered had 12 foot ceilings, plus CC executives were way too busy trying to start a new cable channel meant that Joel and crew would eventually win that battle.  Luckily enough, it was pretty much the last battle they ever had with the network.  As my mom used to always say to me when I was growing up, “A network free set is a happy set.”  Wait was that my mother or my executive producer, I always get those mixed up.

    So, with a $25K budget, Trace created a new set, the bots were given a fancy new overhaul, and the first official season of MST3K began.  Throughout the next ten years, Joel left, head writer Mike stepped up to join the mockery, TV’s Frank left, only to be replaced by Dr. Forrester’s Mom Pearl (Magic Voice’s voice, Mary Jo Pehl), the show left Comedy Central and moved to the Sci Fi Network, Dr. Forester left, also replaced by Pearl, and a feature film was made of Mike and the bots bashing the shlockey  “This Island Earth”.

But what really happened during those 11 years?

Well, I was around 12 or 13 when I saw my first episode, and was 22 when the Satellite of Love sent its last transmission.  During that time, I graduated high school, lost my virginity, learned that Thanksgiving was a time to hit record on my VHS and return every five hours or so to switch tapes, laughed like a madman while lounging in the den, and tried to understand the obscure jokes that seemed to make my dad laugh so hard he couldn’t see straight.  During those years, it honestly felt like MST3K was written specifically for me and my dad.  I cannot remember how many times he and I watched that show together.  While other dads helped their kids build model planes or played catch, my dad would light up at the opportunity to turn on the heater during a cold weekend morning and watch a new (or taped if there wasn’t a new episode that week) episode of Mystery Science Theater.  Every once in a while, we would explain a couple of the jokes during a commercial, but for the most part, all the attention went to Joel and his stranded companions as they riffed on some of the worst movies ever made.

This show is a part of who I am.  I learned from this show’s “shotgun” philosophy of joke telling.  I commended the writers for how obscure the jokes went at times, and made a point to always pay attention to the obscure.  To this day, I’m known by many to be the guy that gets things.  I love making references that only one person gets.  It is such a personal way of communicating humor.  It’s one thing to make people laugh at you when you fart, it’s a completely different joy when you can make someone laugh by farting the theme song to “Small Wonder”.

The Mystery Science Theater 3000: 20th Anniversary Edition Set is in stores NOW!

FALLOUT 3 – “In a Nutshell”

Fallout 3, for all intents and purposes, IS Oblivion with guns. Generally speaking, if you loved Oblivion (and many of you did), then you’ll love Fallout. But this is not doing Fallout 3 justice, since the setting, look, feel and mechanics are just different enough to differentiate itself where it counts.

(as an aside, the next chapter in the Elder Scrolls is rumored to arrive in 2010, so here’s to hoping it’s “Fallout with swords”)

There’s plenty of info on the tubes about the graphics (good but not perfect), the sound (probably the single greatest technical aspect of the game), and the plot and story (essentially strong). But what about some of the more prevalent mechanics and aspects? Those elements that you’re exposed to from the beginning or from very early on?

V.A.T.S.

Vault-Tec Assisted Targeting System, or V.A.T.S., is damn cool. With V.A.T.S. you can target specfic body parts or even the weapons of your enemies, to great effect. Obviously, the higher your skill with a specific weapon subset the better your chances of making blood sausage, but crouching helps a little. And, frankly, seeing the bad guy come apart in slow motion a variety of interesting ways is a great stress reliever. Action points determine how many actions you can take in V.A.T.S., so keep that in mind when going for the coup de grace. Also, become a video game drug addict and take Jet to get some more action points in a hurry.

Combat

It is a good thing V.A.T.S. is included in the game because the targeting in real time is, at best, problematic. Finer corrections to aim like you’d find in a true FPS (Call of Duty 4 comes to mind) would have been nice. Unfortunately, the scrolling moves either too slow or too fast to be useful, especially when you’re being charged by a feral ghoul. I don’t personally mind that your chance to hit is skill-based even if you were to stuff the gun in an enemy’s mouth, but I don’t like feeling like I’m missing because the controls aren’t finely tuned. I didn’t find this to be a problem with Oblivion simply because you almost always fought at close range, but when range comes into play, I should be able to make minute adjustments without having to feel like I’m fighting the controller.

Perks

The perks are so diverse and so interesting, it’s almost heartbreaking to choose one over another whenever you level up. Whether it’s Bloody Mess (make things go sploosh!) or Lady Killer (make ladies love you THEN go sploosh), they provide highly specific bonuses while also giving your character some great development options. Some perks can be taken more than once, too, making  it possible to really boost specific areas of development. HINT: Take Swift Learner, all 3x. That’s a 30% bonus to xp every time you earn xp.

Pip-Boy 3000

The Pip-Boy is easy to use and stores a surprising amount of info in a nicely organized fashion. Much improved from Oblivion which was big, clunky and hard to navigate cause of the font size. It worked, but I think it the font was too big. Pip-Boy does it right. The map is also improved over Oblivion in that it doesn’t just show the end location of a quest, but a path you can take to get there. That’s useful in DC when there are often crumbled buildings blocking your path.

Karma

Karma is sort of a silent partner throughout the game, and one of the more interesting. When you do good, you get Good Karma. When you’re naughty, you get Bad Karma. Here’s what makes this interesting: the game is almost completely different based on your actions and your karma. For example, in my first go around I decided to be a saint. I’d help when I could, refuse rewards, generally be a Jesus. Some people in the wastes didn’t like that, and sent assassins to clean my clock. The storyline narrows at the end and regardless of your actions you end up at relatively the same plot point, but the journey will be totally different. This gives great replayability to an otherwise linear and finite game. Kudos.

The Rock-It Launcher

Not necessarily a prevalent mechanic, but one that’s so fun I couldn’t resist. How entertaining to go through a bunch of boxes in the metro, find some tin cans, plungers, old destroyed books, knives, forks, spoons and dinner plates and turn them into projectiles of doom? Get the schematic for this bad boy from Moira in Megaton, grab the components you need, and then become a scavenger so you never run out of ammo. The Rock-It Launcher is at least as powerful as the assault rifle. The only real drawback is the weight of the weapon and the weight of all the miscellaneous junk you use for ammo. Once you’ve blown a raider into little pieces using a book or even a clipboard, life will never be the same.

SO, in a nutshell…

You should get Fallout 3 if:

1. You like RPGs.

2. You like black comedies.

3. You want a deep and engaging game that has a lot of replayability.

4. You like blowing people and animals up in slow motion.

5. You like oldies.

6. You’re from DC and you wanna see what it would look like if Dennis Kucinich had stayed in the race.

Jonathan here. I wanted to introduce you guys to our newest writer… Mr. James Harraghy. Or for those of you who are avid forum members: Jiminy Cricket. Jiminy contacted me over Facebook about a week and a half ago offering to do some interviews at a local New Zealand con over this past weekend. As far as I’m concerned, the more of this experience called Geekscape that you guys are involved in the better. We’re a community and it only grows when community members step forward and “geek out” publicly.

James was a little nervous going into this interview with Ghostbusters and Dragon Ball Z star Ernie Hudson but I think we can all agree that he knocked it out of the park. Check it out. Our little forum member has all grown up in the Geekscape community. Show him some love. This is a fun read!

J: So let me start off with the first question I’m required to ask; Is it true that you are afraid of no ghosts?

E: It IS true that I am afraid of no ghosts.

J: Okay, you did voicework for the videogame of Ghostbusters, right? Or have you not recorded that yet?

E: Yeah we finished it, I think in May, we finished the videogame. I thought they were gonna release it this fall but it got pushed back.

J: Yeah it got cancelled, apparently.

E: Yeah, so you know I’m sure eventually it’ll come out but I hear it’s pretty good. They got some new technology in it. My son came with me and played the game and he says it’s pretty good, so-

J: Did you get a chance to play the game?

E: No, I’m not a gamer, man! I play Tetris and that’s about it for me. I never got past Tetris. But I’ll take his word, you know. ‘Cause the first one we did was like right after Ghostbusters and, uh…And it was really bad (laughs). And people still remember how bad it was, my kids definitely remember. But this one, hopefully it’ll be good.

J: Since you’ve done the voicework, do you think it stays true to the kind of dialogue that was in the movies?

E: Oh yeah! In fact, Harold Ramis and Danny Ackroyd, who wrote the two Ghosbusters movies, wrote the script for the videogame. And it’s a huge script. It’s like 600 pages and it stays very, very true. And doing it, it was like returning to Ghostbusters. I mean at one point we were talking about naming it Ghostbusters 3. We thought we’d never get another movie made, but now I hear Bill Murray, who was always the hold-off, has agreed to do another movie, WANTS to do another movie, so we may in fact be doing another actual movie, but the videogame is very, very true to [the movie]. I mean the visuals, it’s almost like being inside the movie. It’s really kinda cool.

J: So you can’t really tell us anything about the third movie?

E: Nothing more than I was in Europe, me and my youngest son were doing a tour of Europe about a month or so ago, and it first came out that Harold Ramis was working with, I think Apatow on the script so fans started coming up and asking me about it. Since then I’ve gotten nothing official, but I saw in an interview that Bill Murray said that he was wanting to do it and I saw an interview where Danny, and also Harold. I’ve known Danny and Harold have been wanting to do it for a long time, so it looks like it’s going to happen. I haven’t heard anything official from the studio and I’m making a big assumption that, if it happens, I’ll be involved in it, so you know, that would be cool. I’m hoping so, but you never know, this is Hollywood so I never take anything for granted.

J: So it’s safe to say that you’d reprise your role if you were asked to?

E: Yeah! You know, they pay me well, I want to get paid. I can’t see a reason why they wouldn’t want to ask me but, once again, it’s Hollywood so they never cease to throw new curves.

J: You’re in the new Dragonball Z movie, right?

E: Yeah

J: So what was it like filming that? I mean it’s quite a bit different than anything else you’ve done.

E: Yeah, it was a little bit different than Ghostbusters and also a very different character. I thought when I first went in to meet with them that I had a real shot at playing Lord Piccolo, which I really wanted to play. Once that didn’t work out, because they wanted to go a different way with the character, they asked me if I would do this character who’s name is Seapoo Norse (??) [IMDB has him listed as Master Mutaito] but I’ve seen stuff on the internet calling the character something else so they might have changed it, but it was cool. I play the part of a Buddhist priest who is, you know, very wise and my head is shaved. My eyebrows and goatee are, you know, very…white. So it was a little [weird] but it was a cool job, you know, I don’t do a whole lot in the movie, but what I do is fine.

J: One thing I saw you were working on is Machete Joe…?

E: (laughs) Oh yeah, a friend of mine asked me to do the movie, it’s a horror movie and I haven’t done many horror movies but I kind of did it as a favor to him, I have no idea. He had no money, I don’t know WHAT it’s gonna look like but I gave my word I would do it, so, I did.

J: Well I think you’d be pretty good at acting scared. I mean in Ghostbusters 2, when you get hit by the ghost train? You looked pretty scared there.

E: Ha, oh yeah. Ivan Reitman described the scene as like, A REAL train comes down the track and runs over me. So I played it that way, like there was a huge train that hit me. When I saw the movie I was like “What!?” it was like a little phantom train! So I always thought I overdid the moment but I think, for the humor, maybe it’s best that I did play it much more serious.

J: Yeah, that was hilarious. So, it’s a long flight to get here, obviously…

E: Yeah! Yeah, 13 hours, non-stop.

J: Non stop?

E: Yeah

J: Wow, so what did you do to pass the time?

E: Wow, I don’t know. It was hard. I mean when I left it was at night and you get there in the morning. I mean New Zealand to California, there’s a 4 hour difference but on a different day. So in other words when it’s 12 o’clock here it’s 4 o’clock there, the next day. Sorry, the day before. Like over there now it’s actually Saturday. To leave at night and arrive in the morning made it a little bit better. But uh, I’m writing a script, a play, that hopefully will be done at the North Boles Reparatory (?) Theatre and so I’m in the middle of doing a re-write now and I’ll use that time well but it’s hard to write on a plane, or do anything. It’s just big, uncomfortable and liberal (??), you know?

J: What’s the play called so we can look out for it?

E: Well right now it’s called “My Kingdom Come”, but I’m not totally set on that. It’s actually based on a shorter play I wrote about 30 years ago when I was in college. So we’re sort of expanding it and making it full length so we’ll see. Hopefully it’ll be something I feel good about. Actually, if it goes well, and I hope it does, then we’re making a movie out of it, so yeah.

J: Well, I hope that gets made, we’ve got a lot of fans of yours at the site so they’ll be glad to hear that.

E: Yeah, actually I’m at a point where I don’t want to disappoint the fans. A lot of the stuff I’m being asked to do by the studios just isn’t really worthy. I want to be able to stand behind the work and what I do, but what I’m finding is it’s really gonna require me stepping up and just taking a lot more charge of the work. Either in writing it or creating or producing or whatever, ’cause some of the stuff, you know, is just silly.

J: So you’ve been doing these conventions for a long time now, right?

E: Yeah, I mean the first one I did was probably 3, 4 years ago. Not a REAL long time, I didn’t do them back when we did Ghostbusters. I’d been asked but I really couldn’t imagine it. What I found though, is it’s a wonderful place to meet the fans, you know, it’s a wonderful way to have time to sit, people come up, you can talk, they can tell you a story and what they really thought of a movie. In Hollywood, most people never get outside of, well, Hollywood. So they don’t really know what’s going on with their fans. I mean the conversations I have here I could never have on the street because people come up on the street and you’re automatically cautious and always just try to end it, but here you’ve got no place to go and when they come up it’s kinda cool.

J: So with you being at these things for, 3 or 4 years is it?

E: Yeah.

J: Right, so do you think you’ve kind of taken in any of the geeky things that everyone’s into here?

E: Yeah, some of the stuff is interesting to see because I do a variety, my career has never really been just in one genre. I’ve done some action stuff, some comedy stuff, some dramatic stuff. I’ve done a little bit of everything.

J: Yeah, Jonathan, the guy who runs the site, he was really trying to get me to watch Leviathan…

E: Oh yeah, Leviathan. We thought that would be a bigger film than it turned out to be but I had a great time working on it, it’s one of my favourite films and yeah, so I’ve done some sci-fi and stuff, Leviathan being one and so I get invited to a lot of different kinds of conventions and it’s interesting to see how fans are really very, very loyal. I don’t think Hollywood really gives them credit. They’re finally catching on now but I don’t think Hollywood really gives people credit for really supporting and really they’re worthy of better than what Hollywood has been turning out. Hollywood really kind of can’t win with stories. I think they think they can buy everybody off with action and they’ll be fine.

J: Yeah, but with things like comic book movies, for example, they’re really stepping up the game and it’s getting a lot better.

E: Yeah, I mean ’cause it’s based on characters. I mean comics are really character driven and heavily driven by the character’s situations. So it’s not just about the explosions. You get the explosions, you get all the action stuff but it’s still about the person so that’s very cool.

J: Yeah, I mean like Iron Man and Dark Knight were amazing

E: I agree, yeah. Great.

J: So have you seen any movies recently that you could maybe reccommend to our audience?

E: Uhhh any movies recently that I recommend. I can’t remember anything I saw recently. God I don’t remember. I mean I saw those two movies but uh, nothing comes to mind.

J: That’s cool. Well, that’s pretty much all the questions I’ve got.

E: Great.

J: Thanks very much. It was nice to meet you.

E: Thanks for giving me your time. Good luck to you guys.

This was a really tough week.  Not only was I hit with 2 really good books, but I also had a hard time selecting a Worst pick.  Every book was enjoyable, which I suppose makes for a good week.  With that said, I’m going to do something unprecedented.  I’m going to review the other book I really enjoyed as if it was the worst of the week.  Did I just blow your mind?  If so, I apologize. I’ll clean up the pieces once you’re done reading this. 

Also, I have a treat for you guys this week.  The esteemed loyal Geekscape fan BigYanks has honored me with his own Haiku Review of Back to Brooklyn #1, which you can find at the end of this article.

BEST: Captain America #42

I have a firm belief in a higher power.  That higher power is Ed Brubaker.  We’ve been following Bucky through his ascension into “Cap-hood” for roughly a year on what will inevitably be a legendary story.  So rarely does a character’s death (Cap’s, that is) spawn such glory. 

This particular issue is the finale to act 3 of Brubaker’s tale.  We’re dropped right into a great wrap-up in which we get to watch Bucky throw his life on the line, mimicking his hero/predecessor Steve Rogers in a way that would make him tear up if he weren’t rotting on the ocean floor (harsh?…neh).  Sharon is finally rescued and seeds are planted for her character that I’m sure will play out in the near future.  And last but not least, we are treated to a last page that made me laugh uncontrollably for at least 30 seconds.  I won’t spoil it in case, for some ungodly reason, you haven’t read this book yet. 

Let me just say that this was an example of a perfect ending.  Everything is wrapped up, seeds are planted for the future, and of course, there is a fantastic final page.

WORST: Back To Brooklyn #1 (Actually, the other best)

Ugh, this book was awful.  I should’ve known it was going to suck when I saw the creative team.  Garth Ennis?  I mean really.  He’s most certainly not a comics genius at all.  The fact that he’s teamed up with Palmiotti just makes it even worse.  This first issue drops us immediately into a tense, thrilling situation.  Who the fuck would want that?  I like my stories the way God intended: long and fucking drawn out. They could’ve spent at least five, maybe even six issues having the FBI agent and the NYPD officer arguing about what to do.  Looks like Ennis needs to read more Marvel.

On top of that, we get classic Ennis debauchery, which I know – for a fact – everyone hates.  I’m pretty sure that obscene series he had in Vertigo got cancelled after a few issues  sucked and I have no doubt that this one will be no different. You should absolutely NOT not read Back To Brooklyn if you want high stakes crime action with a classic Ennis twist.  ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Obviously Bigyanks has horrible taste in comics and submitted this brilliant haiku review:

Session Start (Anthony : Clark): Wed Sep 17

Anthony: Howdy gang. Insta-review #2. This week, House.

Clark: Hells yeah!  House is the shiznit!

Anthony: I’ve never seen an episode. All I know is apparently Hugh Laurie is a dick, and everyone calls him on it, but he’s always right. So he’s the worst kind of dick.

Clark: And I’ve seen every episode of every season and love this dick with all of my… heart?  That didn’t sound right. Okay, are you ready sir?

Anthony: Yes I am sir.

COLD OPENING

Anthony: Pacey!? Oh wait promos.

Clark: WooHoo Geek shoutout!!

Clark: She’s shedding her skin!  It must be that time of the year.

Anthony: That can’t be good. Haha, her ant farm broke. Meeting adjourned!

ACT 1

Anthony: Is Black Adder in this episode?

Clark: DUDE, House’s rocking the 360!!!

Anthony: Nice! We need to get House’s gamertag.

Anthony: Is that Kumar?

Clark: Yes sir it is!!

Anthony: STFU! Shouldn’t he be in Guantanamo?

Clark: Hooray, Bloody POOP!!

Anthony: bloodarrhea

Clark: Yeah, this show is so right.  In practically every way!

Anthony: That’s almost as entertaining as Denethor squirting.

Clark: I’m sensing a trend in our IM commentary!!

Anthony: OMFG Jersey? That’s a great place to set a show.

Anthony: MAX PAYNE!  I’d like to think this movie’s going to rock. Considering it was an entertaining video game.

ACT 2

Anthony: So, apparently everyone resents house for some reason.

Clark: The only one that’s REALLY pissed at him is his best friend, Wilson. House got drunk last season and called Wilson to pick him up, but Wilson’s girlfriend answered instead and agreed to pick House up from the bar and in doing so got into a bus accident and died.

Anthony: Oh fuck. No wonder he’s pissed.  Did I tell you that I met Hugh Laurie at Mel’s Diner.

Clark: Was he awesome??

Anthony: He was incredibly friendly.

Anthony: It was late at night, and no one was there, and I was like “I haven’t watched House, but just watching Black Adder, I already know you’re the man.” And he was like “You should watch Jeeves and Wooster.” so I said, “Oh yea, that is incredible, too.” And he said thanks and shook my hand and then jumped on his Harley.

Act 3

Anthony: Heh, they’re talking about her rear.

Clark: I love Kumar.  He’s amazing on this show.  Such a goof.

Anthony: And his head is abnormally small.

Clark: Phantom Baby!!!

Anthony: That baby’s gonna have like 4 legs and two rectums

Clark: PHANTOM POOP BABY!!!!!!!!! See what you’ve been missing for four seasons!!

Anthony: Haha rectified!  I believe the term “rectum” is going to come up a lot this episode.

Clark: They knew you were gonna be watching.

Anthony: I have a soft spot that gets hard when hot chicks talk smart.

Anthony: This show’s entertaining.  Hugh Laurie = delightfully dick

Clark: And it just makes it better to know that in real life he’s super cool.

ACT 4

Anthony: So listen, about your rectum, there’s a baby in there and we need you to poop it out.

Clark: I love how, in this show, every patient with a “normal” disease is mildly retarded.

Anthony: If she has a vitamin deficiency, someone just go get her a fucking Flintstones chewable.

Clark: It’s disease roulette time!

Anthony: No, it’s special effects time.

Clark: She’s loosing red dye and corn syrup, doctor!

ACT 5

Anthony: So listen, we’re going to stick a prod and a scalpel up your ass and cut randomly without any anesthesia

Clark: Gross AND mildly arousing!  I do like that your first comment after every commercial has something to do with her ass.

Anthony: So let’s see if I’ve got it yet.  They all talk and scramble to come up with a diagnosis…

Clark: Every show, yes…

Anthony: And then the dicky crybaby swoops in and figures it all out right before we go to a commercial or credits?

Clark: Yeah, pretty much.

Anthony: Now that’s entertainment!

ACT 6

Anthony: They’re so gonna do it in her ass!

Clark: You’re on a roll, sir.

Anthony: Leprosy?? This show officially rocks.

Clark: I’m telling you.  You need to go back and watch the older seasons!

POST SHOW WRAP UP

Clark: Well sir, what did you think of your first House?

Anthony: I think I absolutely must see other episodes.

Clark: It’s hard to goof on this show, it’s just too damn good.

Anthony: Hugh is still the shit.

Clark: Always was, always will be.

Anthony: Even though I couldn’t get images of him in 18th century garb out of my head.

Capsule Review: A not-bad opener, but the previews for coming episodes make it look like the show has plenty of promise and is well worth the investment.

So here we go with the in-depth version…

Spoilers, so get over it.

The season opener, “Samson and Delilah” brings us back right where we left off last season: with Cameron/Terminator (Summer Glau) getting medium-rared in a Jeep that had been boobie-trapped by Generic Evil Henchmen. Of course she comes back to life and proceeds to whoop ass in the house on John Connor’s (Thomas Dekker) behalf. And for a well-deserved +1 the entire scene is done set to music, mirroring the ending of season 1 when Cromartie (played by an oddly proportioned Garret Dillahunt) wallops a bunch of SWAT dudes to music. Moving on… Then she tries to kill him ‘cause her brain goes wonky. Sarah Connor (Lena Headey) and John run, Cameron gives chase, and they eventually pull out her microchip brain. But not before Cameron’s all, “I love you, John, blah blah…” Long story short, Cameron turns evil, then good again at the end of the episode…. Mmmkay. I’ll get back to that in a sec.

Richard T. Jones is back as FBI special agent James Ellison, and Sarah’s almost husband Charley Dixon (Dean Winters) returns. The two of them team up for a while, but not in a Blazing Saddles kinda way. They both know they know what the OTHER knows. And of course Brian Austin Green is back as Uncle Derek.

Shirley Manson joins the cast of TSCC this season. Mmkay. A +1 though: Shirley nearly gets peed on in the men’s room, then proceeds to kill the dude who was about to give her prime-time television’s first broadcast golden shower. You see, she’s a T-1000 like Robert Patrick ala T-2 Judgment Day. I’ll have to get confirmation from my moles in the underground, but I think Robert Patrick had a “don’t you fucking dare pee on me” clause in his contract with Jim Cameron. I’ll confirm and get back to you…

Special(-Ed) Commentary: Back to Cameron’s “I’m good, no I’m evil, no I’m good again” bologna. One of the failings of many other shows, and now Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is the improbability of situations created for the sake of tension. At the end of the episode, John turns on his mother and Uncle Derek for the sake of keeping Cameron around. They plan to incinerate her, chip and all, and John’s on board, initially (kinda). Then decides he’s going to resurrect her, holding his family at bay at gunpoint.

That he did this is not the problem. People doing irrational things are just fine. The problem is Derek (the man who’s so staunchly against Terminator’s he’s wanted Cameron offed from the word go) and Sarah, the mother of the man who is humanity’s salvation stand there. Just stand there. Sure, John points the gun at them. But seriously? John is going to shoot his mother or uncle for the sake of a Terminator, albeit an oddly hot one? Not buying it. And then they just stand there after he hands Cameron the gun in a test of faith to see if she’s “all better.” Had the Terminator not been “born-again” John would be dead. End of show. End of humanity.

The problem was we all knew Cameron was going to be all goodie good again, so the moment’s emotional impact is kind of lost anyway. Go through the process of having even John think she’s turned so you can see his heartbreak (cause obviously he’s in love with a robot). Then, let Cameron fight her way to him (especially through Derek and Sarah), only to have her take the gun from John’s hands and then take it apart and drop it. You can still have the characters distrust her, which is a fine, if cheap, plot point. But this way they acted naturally and in character. They acted to defend John and were overpowered by the Terminator.

I notice moments like that, and I think on a subconscious level, most of us do. There’s a voice in our collective heads saying, “Something about this moment isn’t right.” Listen to that voice. It’s always right.

So to sum up: while I have a uniquely specific problem with the episode, I do like it and have high hopes that it’s going to keep plugging along and stay entertaining. There’s a lot of great material to work with, and the build up, if executed correctly, will be fun to watch. If you haven’t watched the series yet, it’s still not too late to get invested.

Session Start (Anthony : Clark): Tue Sep 09 19:17:17 2008

Clark: What up kid, you reday for this?

Anthony: I’ve never been more reday.

Anthony: Clark and Anthony here, awaiting the start of Fringe, JJ Abram’s new mysterious serial joint. Potentially a rape of Crichton, X-Files, and JJ Abrams, but also potentially fresh, new, interesting, and new.

Clark: We’ll be testing out a new idea.  Insta-review.

Anthony: Insta-AIM-review. The Simpsons have ended. Time for Pacey to save us all.

COLD OPENING

Clark: Ooooh Sexual Situations!!!!

Anthony: Omfg seriously? An airplane? Which island does it crash on? Taking bets.

Clark: I’m hoping for a crazy Island that they’ll call “Dawson’s Creek”

Anthony: I’m not certain, but I think he’s melting.

Anthony: And so are they. People are melting in foreign tongues.

Clark: Okay, I’m hooked for this episode.

Anthony: What an… interesting beginning.

Clark: Cold opening… Winner = JJ

Anthony: Yea, he has a knack for making people go “wtf?” often out loud.

Act 1

Anthony: No iPhone? Wtf agency does SHE work for?

Clark: The quick bra putter onners agency.

Anthony: The bureau of rapid disrobing.

Clark: Whheeeeeeeee!!! Superman Titles!!

Anthony: Yea, neat effect.

Anthony: Kirk Acevedo! “Jesus Christ… fucking twice.”

Anthony: Anyone who’s seen “Band of Brothers” got that reference.

Anthony: What’s your vector victor? (as FBI agents introduce one another awkwardly)

Anthony: Someone needs sensitivity training.

Clark: I never like characters that are dicks for no reason whatsoever.

Anthony: I can’t wait for his origin story.

Anthony: Um, we’re going to have the “I love you too” conversation now?

Clark: You know what this means don’t you?

Anthony: She’s going to get kicked out of the bureau of rapid disrobing for fraternizing with the terrorist?

Clark: Someone is going to DIE!

Anthony: D-E-D Ded.

Clark: Okay, I know from personal experience, picking locks is NEVER that easy.

Clark: HEY a shaved ferret!!!

Anthony: Yea, I hear he was in the makeup chair for hours.

(Explosion takes out Mr. I Love You)

Clark: Yay for us!!

Clark: Totally called it!

Anthony: Good thing she said she loved him when it didn’t matter anymore.

Anthony: Did you see that flash? The one in the white? Looked like the arecibo message?

Clark: We can rebuild her… We have the technology.

Anthony: Ha!

Anthony: Commercial commentary!!!

Clark: What the hell is with Hollywood writers?  Why is it impossible for them to write stories with intrigue and suspense with a character that ISN’T single??? I DESPISE on-again-off-again TV relationships!  Even as much as I despise will-they-wont-they relationships.  It’s so fucking contrived!

Anthony: Because romance is such a simple go-to.

Anthony: I’m also of the mind it’s gotten cheap.

Act 2

Anthony: I need a very specific reason for this guy being a dick, please.

Clark: Thank you!!

Anthony: And the award for frowning overacting goes to: Dude from Lost we have yet to positively identify.

Clark: Whoa! Titles!!

Anthony: Wow! Iraq?! Pacey’s in Iraq.

Anthony: Is that her name? Honey?

Anthony: Honey Dunham?

Anthony: Honey “Sweetheart” Dunham.

Anthony: And the contrived love triangle begins…… NOW.

Clark: JJ hearts exterior airplane shots!

Anthony: Airplanes are to Abrams as spaceships taking off are to Lucas.

Clark: Exactly!

Clark: I love that she survived a giant explosion and the only remaining mark is a small bruise on her forehead.

Anthony: TITLES!

Clark: Okay I’m kinda really digging these titles!

Anthony: Yea, I believe them. They’re something dependable in this crazy mixed up world.

Clark: Arkham Asylum shot!

Anthony: Denethor.

Anthony: is.

Anthony: still.

Anthony: insane.

Clark: I love it when crazy people talk in non-sequitors!

Anthony: Heh, I love it when crazy people talk.

Clark: When I get committed I plan on ONLY talking in non-sequitors.

Clark: Banana’s Have Potassium!!!

Anthony: Milk does my body look fat in these jeans?

Clark: My feet taste like Germans!

Anthony: I had dinner earlier than last night, but later than the night before that.

Anthony: Fear the RAZR

Clark: Oh no he di’en’

Act 3

Anthony: LOL Just a squirt.

Clark: Just a squirt.

Clark: “What should we do with the patient Doctor?  Oh just put him on the blue glowey table.

Anthony: Are the lights to your satisfaction?

Anthony: Yes I squirted once in affirmation. Did you not see it?

Anthony: They’re going to fall in love, and break transparent dude’s heart. Only on “Fringe” you can actually SEE it break.

Clark: I’m not a big fan of the smarmy retorts in this show.

Anthony: I like it better when there are peepee references.

Clark: Me too!!!

Anthony: You’ll see his pee before he goes pee.

Anthony: It’s FRINGE science.

Clark: Hooray for Fringe science!!

Anthony: In related news, Bill Nye the Science Guy’s new show started airing tonight.

Clark: Wait, why does she have to be naked to do this procedure?

Anthony: Because she’s the love interest and the new “it” girl.

Clark: Excellent, let’s make some LSD!

Anthony: Excellent! Let’s make some LSD!

Act 4

Anthony: NEKKED-ish

Clark: Hooray for nakedness!!

Anthony: Remind me again why she has to go in her underwear?

Clark: No clue.

Anthony: She chose the red pill.

Clark: TEASER POSTER!!!!

Anthony: I saw it!

Anthony: Ok, here’s one critique I can level.

Clark: Hit me.

Anthony: Joshua Jackson is not acting. He’s Pacey again. Smarmy, clever, enticing smile, blah blah. Kind of a bad boy, getting in trouble with Big “Eddy” or whatever.

Clark: I never watched that show so I wouldn’t know.  I’m more off put by the bald black guy.  There’s no need for his anger and disrespect.

Clark: I like the crazy guy!

Anthony: Any show that uses the word “squirt” so convincingly is a-ok. Plus, it’s Denethor.

Clark: Exactly.  I mean he’s no Rohirrim, but he’s close enough.

Anthony: Denethor is saving the show for me.

Clark: I like characters that eat sandwiches during critical moments.

Act 5

Anthony: TITLES

Clark: MAN I love those

Anthony: How on earth is that office feng shui

Clark: Build me a giant white office!

Anthony: Worthy of Mordor?

Anthony: Cyberarm!

Clark: Whoa, she’s a cyborg!

Anthony: A clone cyborg! I’m just helping JJ by breeding disinformation.

Clark: Hah! Crazy people love Spongebob!

Anthony: He’s surprisingly profound! $10 says he squirts again.

Clark: Dude, if he squirts again, I’m positively watching episode 2.

Anthony: Closed captioning provided by “Depends”. Depends. For crazy dads at the forefront of Fringe Science.

Clark: Yay for the science montage!!!!

Anthony: Oh sure, NOW you’re a nice guy? Nope. Not contrived at all.

Clark: Blurg!

Anthony: You know what? Let’s have this huge conversation out in the open. It’s not like the info is classified.

Clark: Classified ABOVE top secret.

Anthony: I think the proper term is tippy top secret.

Clark: You know what this show needs?

Anthony: An enema?

Clark: Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. Meanwhile, back at the house of table lights…

Clark: I’m predicting…complications.

Anthony: God I hope so ‘cause then there won’t be a Ricky Retardo love triangle.

Clark: Damn straight.

Anthony: Varicose face.

Act 6

Clark: But…but… he said he loved her!!

Clark: Fix THAT crazy doctor!

Anthony: Tell me you love me! TELL ME!

Clark: “Who are you working for?” Are you kidding me???

Anthony: WHO DOES NUMBER TWO WORK FOR!?!

Clark: Wow. If only she had an ex-teen heartthrob to fall in love with!

Post Show wrap up

Clark: Okay, well Mr. T, what did you think?  You’re not the biggest JJ fan, what was your opinion of episode one of Fringe?

Anthony: Well, it’s not JJ that I dislike. I think his ideas are excellent and, as long as he’s at the helm, they stay strong. It’s when he abandons projects to work on others (Alias for Lost, Lost for Six Degrees, Six Degrees for Star Trek…. Start Trek for Fringe?) That’s when I loose interest. This one doesn’t start out with quite the bang as Lost or Alias, BUT, the premise seems like it has better legs to stand on.

Anthony: I loved loved loved X-files. And I can see this as being a spiritual successor to it. You?

Clark: Well, I have to say I really loved Alias when it started, but TOTALLY lost interest after it started going crazy.

Anthony: Agreed. I loved loved loved early Alias.

Clark: I love Lost and have officially forgiven the crappy second season. With such a strong third season, I am totally back on the Lost wagon. I think there were a lot of interesting story elements here that I could really get hooked on.

Anthony: Well, the thing I liked was the element that Walt Disney would have called the “plausible impossible”

Clark: Yeah, I totally can get behind that. I officially give Fringe my geek blessing.

Anthony: John Noble, BRILLIANT casting.

Clark: Made the show, in my opinion.

Anthony: Lance Reddick, kind of a throwaway. Kirk Acevedo, always a good bet. Joshua Jackson IS Pacey and I think it’s best to just accept it. Blair Brown, about as creepy as Momma Petrelli. And Anna Torv, as Honey “Sweetheart” Olivia Dunham. Not bad.

Clark: I completely agree with all of that. But, you know what’s the creepiest thing of all???

Anthony: You have a crush on John Noble? 

Clark: Hole in the wall.

Welcome to Stack Attack!  In the past on Geekscape, we’ve been fortunate enough to have thorough and thoughtful comic-book commentary from our resident Martin Scherer.   If you are into an educated, well thought out look into various comic topics then Martin is your man.  You’ll find none of that here.  What you will get (other than a nose bleed) is raw  and unapologetic fanboy zeal.

Each week, I intend to read through my comics for the week and choose the best as well as the worst and provide a brief review and commentary on each.  I also hope to touch on some various topics as they come up but they will surface fairly spontaneously.  I always buy my comics on Wednesday so I hope to have this out by Thursday evening.  Also, be forewarned that there will be spoilers.  So why don’t we start this party right. On to the books…..

Best:  Final Crisis: Rogue’s Revenge #2
Geoff Johns gets the pick for best book this week.  This should come as no surprise to those of you that know me from the forums.  Geoff Johns has this uncanny knack for taking any sad, lame, crippled, worthless property and turn it into something great -nay- beautiful.  If only we could harness this power outside of creative fiction?

In the meantime, this book is taking us on the romp of our good friends The Rogues (the main group of Flash’s enemies) as they seek redemption for being duped into murdering Bart Allen.  It appears that the Rogue’s have been replaced by a new, younger group of villains all bearing similar mantles to the original crew.  They give the Rogue’s an ultimatum: Join Libra’s society or they will kill Captain Cold’s father.  This is typically the point in a story where our hero would say something noble like “I’ll never join you!” or “Do what you want to me, just leave my Pa outta this!”  However, this is the Rogue’s we’re dealing with.  Captain Cold informs the New Rogues that they are going to find and kill their young counterparts and then Captain Cold will personally dispose of his father.  And that’s exactly what they do.  These once hokey Flash pin cushions are slowly growing into the pantheon of the Jokers and Bullseyes.

Worst: Mighty Avengers #17
On the other side of the fence, we have Marvel’s top-dog Bendis bringing us not only Mighty Avengers but also New Avengers.  Those of you following Secret Invasion and it’s calvacade of tie-ins are probably aware that both Mighty and New Avengers have been hijacked as platforms for backup storytelling for Secret Invasion.  These backup stories have mostly come in flashbacks explaining how different seeds from Secret Invasion were originally sewn.  This was a fantastic idea 5 months ago.  Since then, we’ve been flashing back to the most mundane and pointless parts of Secret Invasion ad naseum.  We get it Brian.  Shit’s been going on behind the scenes.  ENOUGH.  We have imaginations, just let us use them.  Both Avengers titles this week take place months before the Invasion.  Mighty really wins the no-prize this week for showing us the least interesting portion of the entire story.

We open up with Skrull Hank Pym at a coffee shop enjoying some coffee where he is joined by Dum Dum Dugan (also a Skrull at this point).  PymSkrull tries to convince DuganSkrull that the invasion will be a failure.  Dugan tries to quell him by reminding him that he is “sharing a mind with Hank Pym”.  This escalates into a fight that leads outside and ends with a dead PymSkrull, which is promptly replaced by another PymSkrull.  I can only fathom the point of this book is to hint that some of the minds the skrulls are using are starting to conflict with the skrull minds.  Does this really need to be a fucking entire issue?  While I feel that Secret Invasion is starting to gear up I’m growing really weary of all this explanation.

Hello, gang. Jonathan here. I’ve got 4 packed paragraphs of a review for you about Pineapple Express, courtesy of our man from the forums Bnitro. I have very similar feelings about the movie and really enjoyed it. But MY review will be on this week’s Geekscape episode. You should probably enjoy both… so here’s what Bnitro had to say…

Seth Rogen must be loving life right now as it seems that he can do no wrong. Knocked Up exploded into theaters and reminded us once again that the man was hilarious. In the same year, he would go on to prove, with Superbad, that he could not only act but co-write a hilarious film. This brings us to the new film, released under the holy alliance of  Rogen/Apatow, in which the hater’s minds might not be changed, but the fans of their previous work will be rewarded once again.
    Seth Rogen plays Dale Denton a process server who spends his free time either listening to talk radio or smoking weed. After arguing with his 17 year old girlfriend at her high school, Dale makes a stop at his high out of his mind, semi-friend, pot dealer Saul played hilariously by James Franco. While there, Dale gets presented to the “dopest dope”, the rarest of the rare, the Pineapple Express.  After getting out of Saul’s place as soon as possible with the stash, Dale witnesses the brutal murder of a Triad gang member. The ones responsible are a crooked cop played by Rosie Perez and Saul’s supplier Ted Jones played by Gary Cole and from there forward the chase is on. 
    What is great about this film is that what’s supposed to be funny is funny. The action scenes are also handled with care as they are violent and truly entertaining to watch. You have brains being splattered, James Franco and Rosie Perez beating the snot out of each other, people being brutally run over, and ninjas, yes ninjas showing up. Even at it’s craziest, especially during the final battle, one is never lost and each character gets their epic moment to shine. Seth Rogen and James Franco are a hilarious team, but the scene-stealer would have to be Danny McBride, whose line delivery for example of “ I’m baking a cake…for my cats birthday” had me laughing out-loud.  
    The film ultimately does what Edgar Wright and crew have done so well; playing in the same sandbox as films before them, poking a little fun but in the end paying their respects to the films that influenced them. This is a truly funny and fun film that should not disappoint especially for fans of 80’s masterpieces. Bring on the Tango and Cash sequel!