Geekscape Random Rants: Why the MTV Movie Awards set cinema back 100 years.
On June 5 a travesty was committed. The MTV Movie Awards are supposed to display the BEST IN CINEMA, but in reality it was just who could pay Viacom the most in bribe dollars to get their movies chosen. I am going to show you each catagory, who was nominated, who won, why it is FUCKED UP and who should’ve won.
Best Movie
WINNER
Eclipse (2010)
Other Nominees:
Black Swan (2010)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
Inception (2010) The Social Network (2010)
To be fair, I haven’t seen Eclipse, but I can imagine it’s pretty much crap. Beating out great movies like Inception and Black Swan? I cannot think of any redeemable qualities of this movie that makes it better than ANY of these films.
Best Male Performance
WINNER Robert Pattinson for Eclipse (2010/I)
Other Nominees:
Zac Efron for Charlie St. Cloud (2010)
Jesse Eisenberg for The Social Network (2010)
Taylor Lautner for Eclipse (2010/I)
Daniel Radcliffe for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
Really?! Paper thin acting from someone who emotes less than a log won. Did these assholes even see Jesse Eisenberg in Facebook? PLUS! Radcliffe hasn’t put out a bad performance in ANY of the potter films. Can anyone else see why this is fucking stupid besides me? I blame Gilmore!
Best Female Performance
WINNER Kristen Stewart for Eclipse (2010/I)
Other Nominees:
Jennifer Aniston for Just Go with It (2011)
Natalie Portman for Black Swan (2010)
Emma Stone for Easy A (2010)
Emma Watson for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
I am REALLY seeing some advertising dollars at work here. WHY ON EARTH WAS THIS KNOB CHOSEN OVER NATALIE PORTMAN I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND! I AM YELLING!
Best Breakout Star
WINNER Chloe Moretz for Kick-Ass (2010)
Other Nominees:
Jay Chou for The Green Hornet (2011)
Andrew Garfield for The Social Network (2010)
Xavier Samuel for Eclipse (2010/I)
Hailee Steinfeld for True Grit (2010)
Olivia Wilde for TRON: Legacy (2010)
This one is the ONLY one on this entire list that doesnt make my blood gush. It would have been nice to see the jack of all trades Jay Chou get some recognition for a great role (The man has his own piano company for christ sakes.), but Chloe Moretz showed us that she was able to go from a crime fighting badass to scary devil child. I was just surprised Xavier Samuel didn’t win this one. I guess the pop culture giants with the wallets didn’t like this guy that much.
Best Comedic Performance
WINNER Emma Stone for Easy A (2010)
Other Nominees:
Russell Brand for Get Him to the Greek (2010)
Zach Galifianakis for Due Date (2010)
Ashton Kutcher for No Strings Attached (2011)
Adam Sandler for Just Go with It (2011)
Emma Stone is “travel-accross-state-line-to-kidnap-and-force-to-marry smoking hot” for sure, but REALLY?! Does anyone think she did even a speck above Russell Brand or Zach Galifianainakanias? Just because Easy A had a giant MTV advertising campagne shouldn’t be any reason to put it above any other nominees.
Best Line From a Movie
WINNER Grown Ups (2010): Alexys Nycole Sanchez(“I want to get chocolate wasted.”)
Other Nominees:
Easy A (2010): Amanda Bynes, Emma Stone(“There is a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.” “Tom Cruise?”)
Inception (2010): Tom Hardy(“You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.”)
The Social Network (2010): Jesse Eisenberg(“If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you’d have invented Facebook.”)
The Social Network (2010): Justin Timberlake, Andrew Garfield(“… A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool?” “A billion dollars. And that shut everybody up.”)
Besides all the OBVIOUS Twilight pandering, this specific one made me puke the hardest. Not only did they choose the most AWFUL film nominated, they chose a line that was delivered by a young girl suggesting she gets WASTED. As in, under the influence. As in drunk. As in I make bad decisions and buy tickets for a White Snake concert. Just look at the lines delivered by Tom Hardy and Justin Timberlake. Powerful, dramatic and emotionful. Even fucking Amanda Bynes was funnier than the garbage they chose.
Also at this time I would like to say, Adam Sandler, what has happened to you?
Best Villain
WINNER Tom Felton for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
Other Nominees:
Ned Beatty for Toy Story 3 (2010)
Leighton Meester for The Roommate (2011)
Mickey Rourke for Iron Man 2 (2010)
Christoph Waltz for The Green Hornet (2011)
They only reason Malfoy won here is because he was the cutest, and DAMN is he cute. Take what you want from that statement.
Best Fight
WINNER Eclipse (2010/I): Robert Pattinson, Bryce Dallas Howard, Xavier Samuel
Other Nominees:
The Fighter (2010): Amy Adams, The Sisters
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010): Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Death Eaters
Inception (2010): Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Hallway Attacker
Kick-Ass (2010): Chloe Moretz, Mark Strong
Best fight…not best action scene, best fight. Why was such a great “FUCK YEAH” moment as the fight between Hit Girl and Frank D’Amico or the flashy Harry Potter passed over by a bunch of whiny, over filtered, over airbrushed Abercrombie models.A MOVIE CALLED FIGHTER LOST FOR JESUS SAKE!!!
Best Kiss
WINNER Eclipse (2010/I): Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart
Other Nominees:
Black Swan (2010): Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis
Eclipse (2010/I): Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010): Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliffe
Inception (2010): Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt
I want to see attractive people kiss in a movie. I want to be moved. Choosing these homely crosseyed cretens over the beuty of Portman and Kunis is just plain crucifixion. At least they picked two girls anyway.
Best Jaw-Dropping Moment
WINNER Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011): Justin Bieber(Performance Spectacular)
Other Nominees:
127 Hours (2010): James Franco(Cuts Off His Arm)
Black Swan (2010): Natalie Portman(Mutilation: Pulls the Skin off Her Finger)
Inception (2010): Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page(Paris Café Scene)
Jackass 3D (2010): Steve-O(Port-a-Potty Bungee Stunt)
Let us count the ways. Bieber was more “Jaw Dropping” than possibly one of the most uncomfortable scenes in film ever. More “Jaw Dropping” than the 2nd most uncomfortable scene in film ever. Less stunning than the amazing special effects. MORE AWESOME THAN STEVE-O?!?!
I mean, that is pretty badass
Biggest Badass Star
WINNER Chloe Moretz for Kick-Ass (2010)
Other Nominees:
Robert Downey Jr. for Iron Man 2 (2010)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt for Inception (2010)
Alex Pettyfer for I Am Number Four (2011)
Jaden Smith for The Karate Kid (2010)
This one was a no brainer. Badass and Kickass had to go hand in hand. I am ok with this.
Best Scared-As-S**t Performance
WINNER Ellen Page for Inception (2010)
Other Nominees:
Ashley Bell for The Last Exorcism (2010)
Minka Kelly for The Roommate (2011)
Ryan Reynolds for Buried (2010)
Jessica Szohr for Piranha (2010)
Honestly, I should have won this after reading this list.
