In 2006, my favorite film was Casino Royale. It took me from being a 007 fan, into becoming a HUGE 007 fan. That movie took everything I loved about James Bond and threw all the bad parts out the window. Five months ago, Eon Productions released the follow-up to Casino Royale and I really enjoyed it. I thought that it took what was established in Royale and took the next logical step. It was a great follow up. 

Back in 2006, just a few months before Casino Royale was released, Lionsgate unleashed my second favorite film of that year. CRANK! After being totally disappointed with the recently released Snakes on a Plane, Crank came along and showed me, that with a lame enough premise, any movie could be made. Crank was a HUGE surprise to me. I knew being a Transporter fan, that I would go into this movie and have a good time. I did not know that it would turn into one of my favorite films ever. It was fast, brutal, hilarious and unapologetic. They set up the rules and did not let up once. Crank was what it was and didn’t care what anyone thought.

After seeing the sequel to my favorite film of 2006 just 5 months ago I got to see the sequel to my second favorite film of 2006 today. CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE. I have to be honest, I was a little disappointed in it, but just a little bit. All of the ingredients of the film seemed to be set into place. All of our main characters were there: Chev, Eve, Orlando, Dr. Miles, Don Kim and even Ricky Varona (more on that later). The premise of the film was set up in the first few minutes, just like the previous film. In the last one, the Bejing Cocktail was injected into Chev and he was off and running. In this film, they tie up any loose ends, literally tell you to deal with anything illogical and go along for another ride. After all, it is a video game. So after we get a news update on the events that happened in Crank, we see a very alive Chev Chelios laying in a hospital getting his new Electronic Heart! BAM, the “story” is set up, and now we are ready to do this!

My main problem with Crank: High Voltage is that we do not follow Chev throughout the entire movie as we did in Crank. The fun of the first Crank film was that we got to follow a man who would stop at nothing in order to survive the day. He was on a bender and needed to fulfill his bucket list within’ the hour timeframe he was given. Crank: High Voltage does not have that same sense of urgency; especially when the “story” strays away from Chev and goes and shows you what other characters are doing. That sense of danger is not there. It does not keep your heart racing as much as the first one did. I never really felt like the Electric Charge to the heart was that important. I never felt like he really needed to get to that next electric source. I think a lot of what made the first film so good was that, even though we can tell Chev is a superhuman, he still had to protect Eve. There was a sense of danger. This film did not have any stakes. Chev was out for revenge and there was nothing stopping him from going on his rampage. He had nothing to protect, so he was not vulnerable. I know that this is a Crank movie, but every movie needs that sense of drama.

I understand that these events seem far fetched (Kalo’s twin brother Venus), but for the most part, these movies play out in a real world. When Eve says that she saw a man on youtube fall from 40,000 feet without a parachute and survive, it shows you that this story may just work in real life; but when you see the return of Ricky Verona, it just throws all of the rules out the window and I don’t think that I like it. I know that these movies are supposed to be over the top, and I like that they took it way too far in this installment, but I didn’t feel that the absurdity of Ricky Verona’s return was eased into at all. I felt that the rules established in the first film were still pretty much followed until we saw him. It turned very Sci-Fi, very very quickly. Maybe that sort of thing does exist, but God damn if it was not set up in a way that let me to believe it could actually happen. As funny as it was, it did take me out of the movie for a while and the unfortunate thing about it is, it happened way to close to the end. Before I could wrap my head around what the fuck had just happened, the movie was over.

There are a lot of odd choices made in this movie, and they grew on me more later on. A few that I thought were strange at the time were the “Godzilla scene” and the talk show scene. Let’s get to the Godzilla scene. In this scene Chev Chelios grabs some high voltage coils in a power plant and starts to hallucinate, in his hallucination he imagines himself in an epic Kaiju battle vs. the baddy. I was actually okay with this scene. I think that it was really well executed and I loved that we get a glimpse into the mind of a madman. It works for me the same way that the hallucination elevator scene worked in the first film. As for the talk show scene, I thought that was really great. It was a cool way to show Chev Chelios’ past and it was awesome that he was just as bad ass as we had hoped!

All in all, I was satisfied with the movie. I wish it just stayed with Chev the whole time instead of showing scenes without him and I definitely could have liked more time getting used to Ricky Verona’s return. I hope that they make a Crank: Part Three, just so they can do a balls out action epic, but i am not sure that will happen. If they do a part three I hope that they give Chev that ability of flight (as a friend of mine once suggested of Statham’s Frank Martin character in the Transporter films).

Crank: High Voltage had all the right components and characters, it just didn’t quite stack up to the first installment. Make no mistake, I am in favor of giving Chev Chelios another quarter for a third life and even though I did not like this film as much as I wanted to, it was still better than Shoot ‘Em Up, by leaps and bounds!

 Normally, I would qualify true gauntlet movies as those which are of the lower-budget, less-publicized variety. However, it has been said, and I think everyone can affirm, that you can’t polish a turd. No matter how good your production values, some pieces of cinema are turds of such magnitude that they splosh like depth charges, forever soiling the rim of your TV with the brownest, nastiest, most feculent audiovisual poo-water imaginable. For the sake of completeness, I have such a movie for today’s gauntlet.

Title: The Happening

Genre: Shyamalania – a genre of contrived plot twists and tepid horror writing all its own.

Tag Line: We’ve sensed it. We’ve seen the signs. Now…it’s happening.

Filmed In: The great state of Pennsylvania.

Year of Release: 2008

Cast: Marky Mark ‘Boxer Briefs’ Wahlberg, Zooey ‘Anime Eyes’ Deschanel, John ‘The Violator’ Leguizamo, Betty ‘I was the gym teacher in Carrie’ Buckley, Alan ‘Ferris Bueller, you’re my hero’ Ruck

Director: M. Night Shyamalan

Writer: M. Night Shyamalan

Producer: M. Night Shyamalan

Raging Egomaniac: M. Night Shyamalan

Running Time: 91 minutes

Plot: One morning people throughout the Northeastern United States start doing a dance that shall henceforth be forever known as the ‘Happening Hokey Pokey.’ You stop and stand still. Then you take a couple steps backward. Babble to yourself randomly (this is optional). Then you kill yourself with whatever’s handy. If nothing obvious comes to mind immediately, improvise with whatever elements are around…the side of a house (great for headbutting!), a shard of glass (for you eco-nerds, it counts as recycling!), or a handy caged lion (tapirs are not a recommended substitute) will do nicely. If you’re a high school science teacher like Mr. Wahlberg, stop flirting with your fifteen your old male students long enough to flee Philadelphia with your wife, your best friend and said friend’s six year old daughter for points west. On the way there, run from 2nd unit footage of trees swaying in evil winds. Randomly conjecture about what may be causing all this with fellow ignoramuses, and for the sake of convenience you all happen to be right – the trees are doing it! Oh those evil heartless trees are the ones making innocent people off themselves! We’ve befouled their air and water, and the trees are mad as hell, and they’re not going to take it anymore!

Breaking Point: Oh dear God, where do I begin? The WHOLE FILM stretches credulity so badly, I can’t believe my head didn’t cave in just from watching it. But the worst moment has to be the scene where Marky Mark talks to a houseplant, and tries to convince it not to kill him.
 
Similar Films:
  The Day of the Triffids, The Trigger Effect, various Twilight Zone episodes

Pain Equivalency: Like killing yourself by using a potato peeler on your face. Hey…if I ever do a movie where people randomly start killing themselves, that’s totally going in there.

Review: For a movie called ‘The Happening,’ there isn’t one event, one character in the whole damned mess who feels important. As in, something happens to them, and it matters. If you’re watching a movie featuring mass suicides and it feels like nothing of consequence is going on, somebody really wasn’t doing their job.

The movie opens in Central Park. Two extras from the Sex and the City movie are reading on a bench when…something eerie happens. That something eerie…is the wind blowing. That’s the scariest thing that they could come up with for this movie…trees swaying in the breeze. You see it LOTS of times, and the music and editing lets you know that it’s evil wind coming from evil trees.  Unfortunately for one of SATC girls, she kept a knitting needle in her hair, which she abruptly uses to pierce her carotid. If only she’d worn a less fashionable scrunchie instead, she might still be alive…it’d be pretty hard to strangle yourself with one of those.

So we cut to Philadelphia, and Marky Mark is teaching his 10th grade science class. It’s hard to say WHAT he’s teaching them exactly, because he yammers on a bit about the mysterious honeybee die-off that occurred, then teases a 15-year old about his looks, ultimately reassuring him that he’ll always be handsome. When we later learn that Marky Mark and his wife are having marital difficulties, it’s not at all surprising since in this scene it’s not hard to imagine him performing other kinds of experiments with his teenage male students. Pretty boy has the one theory about the bee die-off that Marky Mark likes, that it’s an act of nature and we’ll never fully understand it. I wonder if that idea will pay off later.

The vice principal shows up, and after mocking her like one of the asswipes he teaches, Marky Mark goes to a special meeting held by the principal, played by none other than Ferris Bueller’s best bud, Cameron Frye. I don’t know which makes me sorrier for Cameron, the fact that he wrecked his asshole dad’s Ferrari, or the fact that this movie is the first time in ten years that I’ve seen him in anything.

So the meeting tells the teachers about the mass suicides in New York, and that the school is closing down in response and everyone is going home. After Cameron explains it I was half expecting all the teachers to leave, then Matthew Broderick would duck out from behind a curtain, look into camera, and say, ‘They bought it.’ But no, instead we get Marky Mark and John Leguizamo planning to leave Philly for Laguizamo’s mother’s house in Western Pennsylvania. Because nothing makes more sense in a global disaster then leaving in a half-assed hurry for a place over a hundred miles away on public transportation with no provisions whatsoever. And bringing Leguizamo’s timid six-year-old daughter into that situation is ever so much more commendable.

And despite the fact that terrorists may have concocted some evil suicide poison, Marky Mark is worried about his relationship with his wife Zooey Deschanel. Which he should be because…gaspshe had tiramisu with some guy from her office! Apparently, this guy thinks that having tiramisu entitles you to other things that are moist and delicious. He’s continually calling her on her cell phone, but the big surprise isn’t that we never see him…it’s that his character was supposed to be M. Night’s big cameo moment in the film! But even though M. Night doesn’t appear, he still gets a screen credit somehow! Is it because he was off camera speaking into a prop phone, telling Zooey how much he wanted to eat more tiramisu with her? How he was the best at eating tiramisu, how his tongue was so nimble and didn’t miss a dollop of the creamy filling, how he could go on and on eating tiramisu for an hour and a half and his jaw wouldn’t get tired? M. Night clearly thinks a lot of himself as a director…I wouldn’t be shocked if he considered himself a world-class tiramisu eater. Or at least a good enough one to make Zooey’s big blue eyes roll back in her head.

Before Marky Mark and Zooey flee to the train station, he makes sure to bring his mood ring. Which, believe it or not, turns out to be a recurring though unimportant plot point. The TV reports how in NY the world’s fastest autopsies were performed and indicate the people were poisoned. So if the sight of people jumping off buildings in groups hadn’t evoked 9/11 before, it should be obvious to even the most fundamentally challenged.

Marky Mark, Leguizamo and his kid and Zooey get the fuck out of Philly in the proverbial nick of time, because as their train pulls out of the station…the evil wind shows up. People stop and stand like they’re extras in an old Radiohead video before taking turns using a cop’s gun to blow their own brains out. But more importantly, Zooey is getting another call from M. Night’s tiramisu stalker while she rides the train! Because awkward unwanted romantic advances are much more interesting than mass suicide any day.

On the train, the news hits that Philly is now victim to the evil wind, and so is Boston. Does the evil wind figure that Connecticut and New Jersey already suck enough that most people already want to kill themselves?

So Marky Mark and the other passengers get stranded by the train crew in an East Bumblefuck style town. But he isn’t worried; he reasons ‘We’re in a small town. Nothing will happen to us here,’ thereby inviting God to dickslap him across the face with a cock the size of a sequoia. No one from the train can think of anything better to do than go to a diner, which is where we see the most epically stupid moment of the movie thus far (don’t worry, it will top itself before long). A cell phone video is apparently in circulation from the Philadelphia zoo of a keeper feeding himself to the lions. The scene encapsulates what is wrong with the video perfectly. Instead of being scared, or shocked, or grossed out, I was laughing. The footage, while undoubtedly better shot, looked like it could have been an unfortunate outtake from a Jackass movie; swap in Steve-O for the zookeeper and you’re there. The bonus features on the dvd include an extended cut of the lion attack, which was obviously trimmed to keep the audience from laughing themselves into hernias.

The people in the diner all freak out and decide to keep moving west as fast as they can. Rather than ride with Marky Mark, Leguizamo decides to go look for his wife who was in Princeton the last time she texted him. His daughter goes with Marky Mark and Zooey but you don’t need to see the next ten minutes to know that he’s on a one way trip. And to make us extra certain he even says ‘I’m gonna find you guys soon.’

So Marky Mark, Zooey and Leguizamo’s kid hitch a ride from a bearded guy who owns a plant nursery. Plant guy conveniently has a theory, because M. Night can’t think of a better way to give his characters a clue than to have someone explain things to them, no matter how contrived it sounds. Plant guy of course thinks it’s plants. Plant guy also digs hotdogs. ‘You know hotdogs get a bad rep? They got a cool shape. They got protein.’ I was half-hoping for the evil wind to get plant guy during the above dialogue so we could see him use a hotdog to kill himself somehow, ideally by inserting it into his windpipe in an act outwardly resembling fellatio.

But now it’s time for the obligatory check-in with Leguizamo. Of course all the people in Princeton have been hanging themselves from trees like human piñatas. And Leguizamo and the people in the jeep are screwed because a hole in the roof lets in the evil wind! The driver attempts to take all of them out but Leguizamo lives long enough to take some glass to his wrists instead. Silly Leguizamo, even dopey poetry majors know that you cut down the road, NOT across the street!

Meanwhile, plant guy has to stop his car because there may be bodies in the road ahead. Fortunately, his wife reminds him that he’s a peeping tom and they have binoculars in their car (seriously, I’m NOT joking, it’s in the dialogue!). And yes those are bodies. So they turn around but before they can go down the other nearby roads, people come down them telling them that people are offing themselves in those directions too.

So Marky Mark and the highest ranking military presence, a private in a humvee, try to formulate a strategy. Plant man theorizes that the plants are putting out the poison as an evolutionary defense against extinction caused by humans. He’s full of useful bits like that for no justifiable reason. Their solution, in a nutshell, is to go where there aren’t any people. So rather than take relatively airtight cars, including a humvee which can go offroad, everybody standing in the road starts marching across an empty field to see if they can find safety someplace deserted. Which won’t be deserted when their group of fifty fucking people gets there.

So when they’re all fleeing for their wives, Zooey decides it’s the perfect time to tell Marky Mark about her almost infidelity. About which even he doesn’t seem to give a steaming crap. But hey, it’s a good thing he didn’t let that slow down the pace for him and his smaller group, because the evil wind has caught up to plant guy, the private and a bunch of nameless collateral damage. The evil wind isn’t enough to warn plant man they’re in trouble, though, it takes the private shouting ‘My firearm is my friend!’ like Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket to do that. Adios plant man, but don’t fret, for the rest of the movie Marky Mark will provide all the unjustified exposition from here on.

So Marky Mark and his group hear the people killing themselves and realize the evil wind is close. Then they can see it coming for them! AND THEN THEY FUCKING RUN FROM IT! Like a group of five year olds on a school playground, Marky Mark, his wife, the daughter, and two random fourteen year olds run through the fields trying to outrace the wind. Boy they must have felt silly for leaving THEIR WORKING FUCKING CARS BEHIND!!!!!!

So the group takes shelter in a model home for a housing development, but quickly realize they have to move on. At which point Marky Mark spots a houseplant sinisterly squatting in a corner. And he talks to it like it’s a jihadist wearing a suicide vest. ‘Please don’t kill us Mr. Plant, we’re just here to use the bathroom and then we’ll leave you in peace, I’m sorry for carving my initials into your great grandfather, I swear.’ Or words to that effect. The he realizes the tree is plastic, and despite being completely inorganic, it still proves to have a more interesting character arc than he does.

Marky Mark informs the group that the nature of events like these is that they will crest and stop-see, I told you the contrived plot point bullshit would start coming out of his mouth! Another large group in sight of Marky Mark and co. fall victim to the evil wind soon after they leave the house, resulting in our most novel and humorous suicide yet-one of the victims starts a riding mower, then lays down in front of it. At this point, the violence has progressed from Jackass to being on par with Itchy and Scratchy in terms of both conception and humor.

The two fourteen year olds are obviously Sex and the City fans, the way they question Marky Mark about his relationship. And speaking of unnecessary bullshit, Marky Mark decides to put Zooey’s tits in the wringer by telling her a story about an imaginary pharmacy girl he never flirted with. Yes, the world may be ending, but it’s still the perfect time for petty revenge by fucking with his wife’s head.

Then they arrive at a boarded up farmhouse inhabited by isolationists who won’t help and clearly do NOT want to be fucked with, so of course the two fourteen year old boys fuck with them. Hey, Marky Mark and Zooey are about as far from parental authority as you can get, so calling strangers ‘bitch’ and ‘pussy’ is the least they could be doing. I’m surprised they weren’t doing bumps of crank off each others’ ass cracks. Marky Mark meanwhile acts like a pussified bitch and tries to prove how normal he is to the hostile people inside by singing ‘Old Black Water’ (again, I’m NOT making this shit up, it actually happens!). But before the Doobie Brothers’ lyrics can work any magic, the fourteen year olds push their luck too far and get shohtgunned off the front porch. Time to run again, but at least it’s from something FUCKING TANGIBLE this time.

At this time the action gets interrupted for some exposition that Marky Mark can’t possibly provide, so it comes from a TV network anchor, whose dialogue we hear over shots of old ladies wearing gas masks, families huddled together, survivalists getting ready for Armageddon by loading up guns, and scenes of general assholishness. The helpful news anchor tells us that the event will likely intensify overnight and then abruptly cease around 9:30 the following morning. End of contrived plot bullshit interlude.

So Marky Mark Zooey and the kid find a farmhouse occupied by delightful old bat Betty Buckley, who doesn’t care at all for electricity, other people or modern conveniences like mail delivery. She moved to the middle of nowhere to get away from all those things. And after playing the stepmom on Eight Is Enough, who could blame her for never wanting to see another human being? If I had to look after eight miserable brats who weren’t mine I’d probably set up a mine field in my front yard. So when Marky Mark shows up on her porch and eyes her lemon drink suspiciously (her words! I don’t have to hyperbolize so much of this fucking review, thank you M. Night!) it’s her first human contact in a long while. So while she remembers the basics of social interaction, she’s a paranoid old bat who hates them all and thinks they’re going to murder her and steal some bullshit dusty old thing she has hidden away. She shows them the house, including the ‘speaking tube’ used to communicate with a nearby shed during the underground railroad days in a bit of foreshadowing more obvious than the ending of Titanic (oh yeah, if you haven’t seen that one, the boat sinks).

The next morning, after Marky Mark goes to talk to her and commits the unforgivable sin of finding the lifesize mannequin she keeps in her bed (it’s in the movie! I fucking swear!) she flips out on him and runs into her garden, at the precise moment the evil wind shows up. Now it’s going after individual people, so Marky Mark dare not go outside. So Betty Buckley starts headbutting the house to kill herself and bring the evil wind inside to get him, but he closes the door on it all scientific-like. But oh no, the voices of his wife and the little girl weren’t coming from the next room, they were coming from the speaking tube! They’re trapped now in the shed where he can’t get to them! Oh Horror! But he can’t bear to live without them, so he goes outside to face the evil wind and end it all! But Zooey can’t bear to live without him either, so she goes outside too! But sadly, it’s after 9:30 am, so the two people I was honestly hoping to see kill themselves in some freakishly horrible, disgusting, disfiguring manner get to live. This is the movie’s single greatest sin.

Then the movie cuts to three months later, and the three of them are living in Philadelphia which looks like NOTHING HAS FUCKING HAPPENED. The kid goes to school, people are walking around, and it looks like not enough people died to even make a sizable dent in the population! Zooey is of course pregnant, and I couldn’t possibly give a fuck that their personal lives are better now.

On the TV, a science guy confirms all of plant guy’s theories. As to why it started now, he says it was an act of nature and we’ll never understand it. Thank you M. Night for the obvious payoff to that obvious foreshadowing in the science class at the beginning. The scientists in the movie are still skeptical though, and won’t believe it until it happens somewhere else. Which leads us to…

Cue the evil wind blowing into Paris, France. Say au revoir, froggies, time to beat yourselves to death with copies of Sartre and loaves of crusty bread…

Title: The Bronx Executioner
Cyborg Executioners (Philippines)
Genre: Science Fiction Action Drama
Tag Line: Born to be wild. (I swear to God, that’s what the tagline is)
Filming Location(s): New York City
Year Of Release: 1989
Cast: Alex Vitale, Woodie Strode, Gabriel Gori, Margie Newton
Director: Vanio Amici/Romolo Guerrieri (Trust me, this will all make sense soon)
Writer: Vanio Amici & Piero Regnoli / Roberto Leoni
Running Time: 92 mins.

Plot: Futuristic New York! A rookie sheriff begins his new duty as the keeper of a colony of rejected humanoids. Unfortunately for him, the humanoids are under constant attack from the savage and evil androids. Soon the officer finds himself teaming up with the humanoids to stop the terrible reign of Margie and her android gang and (apparently) bring peace to New York.

Breaking Point: It will become abundantly clear in the last act that the filmmakers shot about 4 kills and somehow looped it to make it 20 minutes long. Take special notice when Shark and Dakar kill the same guys 4 times each.

Pain Equivelancy : Getting hit with a hammer repeatedly in the same exact spot: your crotch.

Similar Films: Robocop, Escape From New York, Mad Max, Warriors Of The Wasteland.

In this reviewer’s eyes, The Bronx Executioner could be the greatest Gauntlet film of all time. There actually may not be words in the English language to describe its “greatness” so I must rely on the Italian vocabulary to describe this film: SANTO. FOTTERE. MERDA. That roughly translates to: “Holy. Fucking. Shit.”

Like monsters and sexually transmitted diseases, to fully understand this film we must know where it came from. Back in 1984, Romo Guerrieri made an Italian knockoff of Mad Max called The Last Executioner (L’ ultimo Guerrieri) starring former Olympic athlete Woodie Strode. Like any good low-budget science fiction action film in the 1980s, the footage was bought and chopped together with new footage to create an entirely new experience. Today, this experience exists as The Bronx Executioner.

Pitchfork

The bracelet is for looks. The pitchfork is for killing.

The film opens with a rookie sheriff named James Crowley being chased through the woods of New York by a floating gun. Yes, a floating gun. First-person-shooter style. If you want to stop reading this review now, it’s okay, I’ll understand. There’s only so much awesome you can take. Anyways, James is rescued (I guess) by his new boss, Warren (credited racial-appropriately The Black Man). James has just finished what appears to be a training situation for his new job: protector of defective humanoids.

At some point in history, humanity not only created realistic robots, but also fucked up enough batches of them that it had no choice but to banish them to the outskirts of New York City. Humanity also dressed all of them like they were in C & C Music Factory. And don’t go trying to tell them apart because according to the logic of this masterpiece, they’re the only ones that can tell each other apart. We’re supposed to feel pity for the humanoids because they are constantly attacked by the evil androids and their leader Margie (“She’s got power!” – The Black Man (“And my aunt’s name” – Editor)). 

Margie

“I only love death. Other people’s death, naturally.” – The Evil Margie

But worry not. Leading the fight against the androids is Dakar. Let me describe Dakar for a moment because he is easily the main source of comedy in this film. I’m pretty sure Alex Vitale didn’t do his own voice-over and for this I am grateful. The dubbed voice for Dakar can easily be described as a mix between Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean Claude Van Damme and tourette’s syndrome. Basically every time he opens his mouth, cinema gold comes out.

The viewer then meets said humanoids and androids. Margie sends her faithful lackey Shark (think Kyle MacLachlan from Twin Peaks but with the gayest leather jacket ever) to ambush the humanoids. Meanwhile Dakar and his men raid an android hideout looking for supplies. Dakar never explicitly says what they’re looking for because he’s too busy yelling “Get the stuff! The stuff we need!” and knocking shit over with a shotgun. They are attacked by a small group of androids and are distracted as basically 90% of their colony is wiped out by Margie and her crew. In a breathtaking 6 minute long massacre, we see some of the worst deaths ever acted out. One thing I learned from this film is that apparently when robots die, they must do acrobatic flips. Keep a look out for Shark’s awesome battle moves and his proficient single-shot machine gun. Dakar and his men race to save them but it’s too late. This sequence is a good gauge for the type of action you can come to expect from the rest of this film.

The next portion of The Bronx Executioner relies on the awkward chemistry between James and The Black Man. The Black Man brings James to a dump site where the government drops off food for the humanoids and androids. You read correctly: food. After you’ve finished wrapping your head around the fact that the androids eat, allow me to tell you what it is that they eat. Worms. They eat motherfucking worms! We see two small groups of humanoid and androids battling over the food. The humanoids prevail only until The Black Man approaches them and beats the shit out of them for no reason. Now to the training montage!

You didn’t think you’d get out of this film without a montage did you? Shame on you! The Black Man puts James through a rigorous test including the following. Crawling under barbed wire. Doing sit-ups while being held down by The Black Man’s crotch. Dodging sandbags. Being attacked by a flamethrower (for the sake of brevity, I’m gonna move on while you ponder that). After failing a target practice that consists of shooting projected pictures of guys on a brick wall, The Black Man deems James unworthy. He then immediately gives him the job in the next scene. And then vanishes for the rest of the film. Yes, The Black Man is gone. Maybe you’ll miss him.

The Black Man
“I don’t dig on third acts!”

 

In the next scene, Dakar surveys the massacre and gives us a heartfelt voiceover as he calls out to the human woman he is in love with. Mind you, this is never mentioned before this scene. He goes out to search for her and has the greatest conversation in movie history with his partner Ned (think Saul Rubinek with a studded leather headband). It would be a crime for me to spoil some of the gems of this beautiful dialogue, so I’ll skip ahead to where Dakar’s love is. Oh… she’s just being raped by the androids. It’s a pretty odd rape scene, y’know, cause she has her pants on the whole time.

Margie then murders her because she later goes on to explain that violence is the greatest aphrodisiac. Dakar is heartbroken as he reports back to Ned of his findings although he wasn’t heartbroken enough to actually bring her body with him instead choosing to leave it in the middle of nowhere. Dakar knows that the only way to end this madness is to team up with James. He finds James at the sheriff’s office which looks like a fake locker room set for a porno (make special note of the poster of New York City behind the desk. I hope to God, for the sake of cinema, that it’s really supposed to be a decoration and not a window). After some awkward joking, the two formulate a plan.

Pants
Pants make the man. Leather pants make the man Italian.
What’s the plan? Raid the headquarters of the androids, which happens to be a palatial mansion somewhere in the outskirts of the city. You might be asking, “But Dave, if they’re savages in a wasteland of broken robots and mediocrity, how do they have a palatial mansion?” And I might answer you with, “You’re watching The Bronx Executioner, motherfucker. That’s why.” Basically the last chunk of the film takes place here. If you’ve made it this far, you’re a trooper and you will be rewarded with one of the greatest last acts ever!

Buckle up too because we’re now treated to genius editing that includes the blatant re-using of the same sequences repeatedly. I’m not talking about re-using shots. I’m talking whole entire parts of the film. I shit you not. The same person dies three fucking times. We get James and Dakar as stealthy killers doing awesome sneak attacks on unsuspecting androids (and then blowing stealth to the wind and shooting the control panel with a shotgun). We get androids getting their necks broken. We get…some guy with a mustache and sunglasses looking at circuit boards that are screwed to the wall. For anyone who was uncomfortable with the bit of nudity shown in the rape scene, fear not, cause the android Margie’s getting naked. I know, the nonstop action is enough in its own right but robo-titties? Somewhere, Vanio Amici is polishing some type of award. Or he’s dead.

Margie

You sunk my battleship!

After Margie has an awkward titty-grabbing session with one of her lackeys (which seems to span 8 minutes plot-wise), she is alerted about the humanoid intruders. What does she do? Unleash the radio-controlled dogs on them, that’s what she does. You need to pay close attention to this scene for a few reasons. For starters, both the hairstyles on Margie and Dakar have changed. Margie’s change is minimal but Dakar’s pretty much looks like they hollowed out a coconut husk and glued it to Alex Vitale’s head. Also look at the faces of the attack dogs. You’ll thank me.

After Dakar kills the dogs with his bare hands (or put’s them in sleeper holds… who the fuck cares at this point?), a huge battle ensues. This battle has everything. Exploding doors. Dakar taking androids out with a shotgun. An athletic Shark doing gymnastics while he kills humanoids. Some guy who looks like Kevin McDonald from Kids In The Hall calmly explaining that “there’s a battle outside. Lots of people are dying.” There’s even an android on a dirt bike that completely explodes into a fireball after being shot once.

Dirtbike

In the future, humanoids and androids fight over worms to eat. Maybe they should sell the bikes.

Eventually all of the androids (who look like a retarded version of the cast of Fame) are killed off which leads to the two big showdowns with James, Dakar, Shark and Margie. I’m not going to ruin the gripping climax because it contains some of the shittiest dialogue ever written (although something tells me this shit was made up on the fly). Just know that the good guys win and absolutely nothing is resolved.

The Bronx Executioner is one of those exceptional films that, while making no sense, will leave you laughing until you cry. Or you maybe just crying. I urge you to find out your own copy to add to your own Gauntlet collections. You won’t be sorry, friends. This is Dave Losso signing off and looking forward to a future where humanoids and androids who look like extras in a Right Said Fred video battle each other over worms and robo-titties.

FOR THOSE KEEPING SCORE AT HOME:

TITTIES: Yes (extra points for Robo-Titties!)
TERRIBLE OVERDUBBING: Yes
TERRIBLE OVERDUBBING OVER ALREADY-RECORDED ENGLISH: Yes
AWKWARD RAPE SCENE: Yes
JUNGLE?: No
SET IN THE FUTURE: Yes
UNNECESSARILY LONG CLOSE-UPS: Yes

GAUNTLET(n) gawn – t – lit : A marathon of the worst movies, preferrably VHS, that you, your friends, your family, and your enemies have ever seen. This marathon must last all night. Those who survive the night will live on to tell the tale. Those who don’t will not regret a single thing, except staying asleep while the survivors screw with them. The following is a Geekscape-Approved Gauntlet Film. Enjoy.

 

Name of the Gauntlet Film: For Your Height Only

Genre: Spy Comedy

Tag Line: Bigger than Goldfinger’s Finger – Bigger Than Thunderball’s …

Year of Release: 1981

Cast: Weng Weng, Yehlen Catral, Beth Sandoval

Director: Eddie Nicart

Writer: Cora Ridon Caballes

Running Time: 88 minutes

Plot: Mr. Giant kidnaps Dr. Van Kohler and is going to use the doctor’s “N-Bomb” to hold the world hostage. That is, if agent ‘00 doesn’t stop him first!

Breaking Point: It depends on how long before midget humor gets old. For me, never.

Similar Films: Thunderball, Goldfinger, Dorf on Golf

Pain Equivalency: Getting kissed on the kneecap by Gimli. It won’t hurt you, but it is a bit on the creepy side.

 

Review: Imagine if James Bond was from the Philipines. Imagine if Derek Flint was 2′ 9″. Imagine a movie that will change your stance on dwarf tossing within the first ten minutes! For Your Height Only stars the shortest leading man ever to be captured on celluloid. With his Anton Chigurh hair cut and dapper white suit, Weng Weng brings life to Agent ’00, a secret agent with all the gadgets and all the girls.

For Your Height OnlyThis one-and-a-half hour midget joke is the definition of Gauntlet. How long can you handle a one-note film? There is really no other entertaining value to this movie other than the fact that this is all about a tiny guy with a poorly dubbed imp voice. For me, I can make it pretty far into For Your Height Only before I get bored, but that is only because I think short people are hilarious – I guess that’s where Randy Newman and I differ.

Weng Weng For Your Height Only Gauntlet

 

The story in For Your Height Only is pretty simple, Mr. Big is trying to get the plans for the “N-Bomb”. It is up to super secret spy Agent ’00 to stop Mr. Big from dropping an N-Bomb. on the world and controlling it. I am not sure what an N-Bomb is, but I am pretty sure that it is not what I’m thinking. I hope. The plot of For Your Height Only follows the James Bond formula, including the theme song. One of the problems that comes along with following the 007 formula is the fact that there has to be a love interest. This girl who plays Weng Weng’s love interest could not be any less interested in doing a love scene with a two-foot-nine little person. I have never seen a woman on screen kiss anyone with her lips puckered so tightly. Not that I blame her, but seriously, she knew what she ewas getting into ahead of time.

For Your Height Only

For Your Height Only: Weng Weng Gettin' His Swirve On

 

 

This film is seriously a one joke wonder that really has to be seen to be appreciated. Jokes span from Weng Weng crawling on bad guys, to parachuting from a seven story building using a patio umbrella. After about the fiftieth short joke, things start to get pretty old, but just when you think you’ve had enough, Agent ’00 straps on a jetpack and is thrusted into one of the most bizaar climaxes to ever take place under a table. You see, Mr. Big is actually a regular sized little person, who happens to tower over Agent ’00.

For Your Height Only Action Shot

 

When I first saw For Your Height Only, it was only available on videotape in a liquor store. Nowadays it is readily available on any online DVD retailer. Until I get my hands on the second ’00 adventure, ”The Impossible Kid”, For Your Height Only will remain the greatest film I have ever seen come out of the Philippines. Everyone must see this film at least once in his or her life. Keep your head down and don’t let Weng Weng pass you by.

Bye Bye Weng Weng!

Bye Bye Weng Weng!

 

-Ralph

 

Title: Fireback
Genre: Filipino Action Revenge Movie
Tag Line: “They thought he was dead- They thought they were safe..They were wrong…DEAD WRONG!”
Filmed In: The Philippines
Year of Release: 1978
Cast: Richard Harrison, Gwendolyn Hung, Ann Milhench and Ruel Vernal
Director: Teddy Page
Writer: Timothy Jorge
Running Time: 85 minutes

Plot: Jack Kaplan is a U.S. weapons expert in Vietnam who is rescued from a P.O.W. camp, only to return home to find that his wife has been kidnapped. It is up to Jack to take matters into his own weapon-constructing hands.

Breaking Point: At about 50 minutes in, I finally thought to myself that Fireback is losing it’s thunder. It was about 5 seconds later that things really started to pick up. I hate to say it, but the pacing of this film is quite good.

Similar Films: Rambo: First Blood Part 2, Born on the Fourth of July, MacGyver: Trail to Doomsday.

Review:  Any film that opens up with a poorly dubbed American actor describing an advanced handheld weapon of ultimate destruction only to be followed by a scene involving multiple explosions and Filipino soldiers flying through the air to their deaths is screaming to get put in any upcoming gauntlets.

Fireback has to be one of my greatest Liquor Store video bin finds in a long time. Although I felt that the five dollar price tag was a bit steep, i soon realized that it was well worth every last penny. As mentioned in the plot, Jack Kaplan is captured by the “bad guys”. They never really say what country Jack is in so i will just say Vietnam. The first thing I noticed about Fireback is that the opening credits use music from Jerry Goldsmith’s score to the O.J Simpson, James Brolin classic Capricorn One. Thanks to this illegal choice of music, if the film ever starts to slow down, I could still listen to some great music by one of cinema’s greatest composers. 

It isn’t until after Jack gets rescued and fully recovers in a U.S. hospital, that he decides to ask the authorities about his wife. You see, apparently he has been calling her since his return to the States, but the phone is continually giving him a busy signal. After being back for a while, he finally decides to head home from the hospital, only to find the phone off the hook and his wife missing. I guess nobody felt the need to try to get her to the hospital after her P.O.W. husband was rescued or even let her know that her husband was safe. 

So of course Jack decides, instead of calling the police, to go to a bar. There, he has a drink, takes in a couple lap dances and leaves to kick some dude’s ass in an alley for no good reason. As it turns out, the man that Jack just kicked the shit out of is Digger, a small time thug and informant for Jack. Digger is a fantastic character who is dubbed exactly how you would expect a Filipino production company to dub a black man in the seventies. Thanks to information that Digger has to offer, Jack starts off on his mission to find his wife’s kidnappers. 

At the twenty three minute mark Jack fights a man in a hotel room as a topless woman stands by. Did i mention that the man that Jack is fighting in the hotel room has a GOLDEN HAND!? That’s right, folks, a golden fucking hand. As i mentioned before, the pacing in this steaming pile actually keeps your interests going throughout. And random moments like this can only help. There is a fantastic scene in which Jack is taking a break from his busy schedule to clean his gun. As he cleans his gun there is a knock on the door from a toilet repair man. The toilet repair man leaves his tool bag in Jack’s bathroom, so the ever suspicious Jack Kaplan grabs the bag and tosses it at the fleeing villian. The bag explodes as the toilet repair man falls down. He dies, but not until he is able to give information of the next person on Jack’s hitlist. Jack must seek out a man with one eye, named Harry Johnson. That’s right, a one eyed man named Harry Johnson. The villains in this movie are all great. There is this phenomenal scene in which a female villain named Eve has a conversation with the big boss about Jack Kaplan which includes my favorite piece of dialogue from the film: “I’m really worried so far none of your men have been able to kill him what if he finds out that i am involved with his wife’s kidnapping he just might want to kill me that worries me.” I know that I left out some punctuation there, but that is exactly how Ms. Micro Machine’s Man talks.

After a fight with a bad guy with a retractable cane-sword (yup, this movie is officially incredible) we get to a really bizarre scene that shows Jack’s wife being “raped”. I am not a big fan of showing rape in movies. It is uncomfortable and in poor taste, especially if i am trying to watch a fun action movie. But this rape scene is a bit different. You see, the whole scene is in slow motion. I am talking about as soon as the big boss comes into the wife’s room. It is all slow motion. The big boss, known as Duffy Collins, chases Diane Kaplan around her room for a bit, up until the point where he pins her on a bed. This is the point where Duffy decides to continually rub his cheek on her stomach and that’s it. This is about where we hit the 50 minute mark. After an uncomfortable face to stomach “rape” scene, i started to get a bit bored, but just as I was about to give in to the pain, things got way interesting when Jack Kaplan finds his wife Diane in the middle of a sewer. Dead. Yep, she’s dead. In a fucking sewer. The goddam humanity.

Because you have to have a “I’m getting some payback now” montage, this is the point in the film where Jack gathers all of his weapons and after a couple of bad edits and a quick nap, infiltrates the enemy compound armed with a gadget car and a handful of things that go “boom”. But wait. The cops show up. Well, let’s be clear. There are two guys dressed as cops while the rest of the twenty or so men wear Starter jackets and pimp outfits. This culminates in a quick shootout and a seven minute long chase through a jungle where Jack murders everyone in sight with a fucking high powered harpoon gun. Once all of the Cops and their Pimps have been sent to Cops and Pimps hell, Jack puts on stolen Ninja assault gear and goes after Duffy Collins.

 

But the plot, already pushed to bursting, thickends yet again! As it turns out, before Jack was married to Diane, Duffy was in love with her. Whaaaaaat!?! After an hour and twenty minutes of non-stop gauntlet amazement, Jack comes face to face with his wife’s murderer and kills him within 5 seconds with five swipe of his sword. What the fuck. It’s a good thing that they show the shot in extreme slow motion, over and over and over again, because that was some bullshit. Cut to an obligitory freeze frame, then comes one of the best parts: the rest of Jack Kaplan’s life is told to us through text. That’s right. It’s not enough that he avenged his wife’s death, but now we get an epilogue that spans years of his life. I guess this means no “Fireback 2: There’s Plenty of Boom Left In Me”. Damn.

 

My only complaint with the film is that the super secret advanced handheld weapon of ultimate destruction that was described in the opening scene and painted on the VHS cover did not make it’s return in the film. What an F-ing blue ball that was. Other than that small gripe (we did get a retractable cane-sword after all), Fireback is one hundred percent Gauntlet for any action fans out there. To all of  those pirating individuals involved in getting this film smuggled out of the Philippines and into my local Liquor Store, i salute you. 

iChat with the Creators of “The Roberts”

The Boston Strangler and Zodiac Killer are alive and kickin’. These days, they reside in Shady Lane Retirement Home and comic book creators Wayne Chinsang (aka Justin Shady) and Erik Rose reveal, in their new book “The Roberts”, what the two “old farts” have been up to all these years. “The Roberts” is a new two issue series from Image Comics’ Shadowline that hits the shelves this week (9/4). I had the opportunity to sit down with Wayne Chinsang, the writer of the book as well as artist Erik Rose. You’ll be as surprised as me to see just how MUCH of themselves the guys chose to put into their work.
We now take you to our instant Message conversation already in progress…
Wayne Chinsang: Join me in this buddy chat!
Geekscape.: Thank Jesus. I was just trying to figure out how to make a room for the last 2 minutes.
Erik Rose: Hey everybody.
W.C.: OMG! What is everyone wearing?!?! Anyone in here want to go PRIVATE?!?!?
W.C.: LOL!!!!
W.C.: Just kidding.
W.C.: People who talk like that are toolbags.
W.C.: And hello.
G.S.: I am wearing stripes and plaid.
W.C.: I am wearing a suit made out of a woman’s flesh.
W.C.: too much coffee.
E.R.: It’s hard to chat and look at all this porn at the same time.
G.S.: Ooooh!
G.S.: Should I call you Wayne or Justin?
W.C.: ou can call me whatever you want. I mean, we can even talk about the “Wayne/Justin” thing.
G.S.: what is it on the book?
W.C.: Well, it’s both, but I explain it. I used “Wayne” as a pseudonym but my real name is Justin. You can Say that, or whatever. No biggie.
G.S.: I will use whatever is on the book, so people aren’t confused???
E.R.: Actually our book will sell more copies if you call him Alan Moore.
W.C.: Yes! Say “Alan Moore” and “Frank Miller”.
G.S.: I am struggling reading Watchmen.
E.R.: Just wait for the movie — books are hard to read and harder to fuck.
W.C.: I hate books!
W.C.: We should burn them!
W.C.: You know what? I hope everyone buys up all of our 
copies of the Roberts and BURNS them!
W.C.: The Roberts is SHIT, literary TRASH and every copy 
should be bought and BURNED
E.R.: I hope they stab the Roberts, then fuck it, then burn it.
G.S.: so the value can go up?
W.C.: shhhhh, dude!
G.S.: are you guys doing Foil Covers?
W.C.: Foil covers = no. Holograms = fuck yes! We’re going OLD SCHOOL IMAGE.
E.R.: Ralph, You know about the covers?
G.S.: I saw an alternate cover on your myspace page.
E.R.: The original art is drawn in our blood.
G.S.: Is that for real?
W.C.: Yeah, that’s totally for real. I have pictures of me getting my blood drawn for the book.
W.C.: The first issue’s linework was done in my blood, the second issue’s in Erik’s.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Issue One

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Issue Two
E.R.: Yep, Issue one is in Wayne’s blood issue two in mine. I t’s not watered down or mixed with anything it’s straight blood — inked with a crow quill hunt 102 nib.
G.S.: did you go to a blood bank, or did you just fucking go to town on yourselves in a bathtub?
E.R.: We know people.
W.C.: Well, my aunt is a nurse.
W.C.: So she had all the shit to do it.
G.S.: Fucking nuts!!
E.R.: It’s surprisingly easy to work with.
G.S.: where are the originals?
E.R.: Right next to me — but they are for sale if anyone wants a piece of us.
E.R.: We’re hoping that old dude from Jurassic Park buys them so Goldblum will come over.
G.S.: Nice! So you did it in pencils then inked it in blood.
E.R.: Yeah pencils on one page an lightboxed up for the bloodwork.
G.S.: was there more pressure on you not to fuck up the art?
E.R.: So I– was afraid it would coagulate but I ink pretty fast.
G.S.: did you fight over who’s blood would make it on the first issue?
E.R.: I try not to think of it that way — I knew If I totally screwed up I had an extra vial of blood to work with.
E.R.: It made sense for Wayne to be on issue one.
G.S.: You should have told Wayne that you fucked up and that you needed more blood.
W.C.: You’re trying to get me weak so you can take advantage of me!
E.R.: Book one’s character Sprunger is basically him drawn as an old man. He really has no blood it’s just red colored booze. At least that’s what it smelled like.
G.S.: Can you give rundown on what the Roberts is all about.
W.C.: Well, the book is about an old guy who lives in a retirement community Robert Sprunger. He’s anti-social, a little bit of a curmudgeon, and keeps to himself and he is the Boston strangler, but has never been caught. He has just gone through life getting away with his crimes. So, this other guy moves into the home and he’s the opposite. His name is Robert Steib  and he is very social, talks all the time, makes an effort to become friends with Sprunger. He’s the Zodiac. Both of these guys are killers. It’s what they are  and they can’t help it, but life and aging keeps them from doing what they’re best at, which is murder. So these two old farts hit it off and Sprunger doesn’t understand why they have this connection, but it’s Because both of them are killers.
G.S.: Do they find out who the other is?
W.C.: Yeah, by the end of the first book, both guys know exactly who the other is.
G.S.: Cool.
W.C.: So these two guys have a lot in common in that they’ve both lived their lives faking it but they’re both still extremely different in their social structure.
E.R.: In fact Sprunger doesn’t really have friends which is what throws him about meeting and getting along with Steib.
W.C.: Right, Sprunger has no FRIENDS. In fact, he’s never had a friend. He’s “faked it” a few times (his words), but he’s never really been close to anyone, never been married, no kids.
E.R.: But Steib is this outgoing Eddie Haskal kind of guy. Everyone’s friend.
W.C.: Whereas Steib was married, has a kid, grandchildren.
E.R.: But also a cold blooded killer.
W.C.: Right which, to me, makes him MORE creepy.
G.S.: Sounds great!
W.C.: I’d had the idea for awhile, but the capture of BTK really started my thinking on what if he had NEVER been caught. It seems like our society pays no attention to the elderly either. The elderly are ignored, so there could be some seriously sinister shit going on and no one would ever know.
E.R.: You’d just think — Aw, look at hat cute old lady.
G.S.: sorry, BTK?
E.R.: BTK stand for Bind Torture Kill. BTK was a serial killer named Denis Rader who lived in Kansas.
W.C.: He killed people DECADES ago and then disappeared. He was just arrested a few years ago, finally, after he started leaving clues around for the police and people suspect that he WANTED to get caught.
W.C.: So, yeah, if he would have just played low and kept his fucking mouth shut, he could have EASILY lived out the rest of his life without anyone ever knowing.
G.S.: how much research did you do to tell the story of these guys?
W.C.: I read up a lot on the Boston strangler and the Zodiac, obviously.
W.C.: But Erik and I-
E.R.: Oh, we’re fans.
W.C.: We have this morbid fascination with serial killers so We knew a lot about them already. I interviewed Charles Manson a few years back.
E.R.: Field trips to Ed Gein’s grave — that kind of thing.
W.C.: I’ve been to the spot where Dahmer’s apartment complex stood, Ed Gein’s grave, John Wayne Gacy’s house, etc.
G.S.: Really?!
W.C.: Oh, and I also have mailed back and forth a bit over the past few months with Richard Ramirez, the night stalker.
G.S.: Oh shit! I grew up in LA county. I was fucking scared of that dude, BIG TIME!
W.C.: Ha!
W.C.: Yeah, Ramirez is an odd one, to Say the least
E.R.: He had a look and a name for sure.
W.C.: His letters are creepy. They’re like, “Do you have a sister?”
G.S.: Dude, I remember my mom would go to the store and leave us at home and tell us to lock the door. I think I Actually hid in my closet.
W.C.: Whoa!
W.C.: I’ll let him know! He’d be flattered!
E.R.: A real life boogy man.
G.S.: I am at a loss for words.
E.R.: In the second issue Sprunger and Steib talk about their favorite killers.
G.S.: you are obviously a fan of the Mind of Serial Killers, are you hoping that the book will bring these “Roberts” to have a IM chat with you? What if they get pissed?
W.C.: Well, then I’ll be hiding in the closet along with 
you!
E.R.: Well, like Wayne says — they’re all impotent pathetic losers. And Wayne’s address is…
W.C.: HAHA!
G.S.: Nice!
W.C.: I thought about that, Actually. Like, what if the zodiac is really out there still. He’d be, like, 300 years old or something and probably isn’t reading comic books.
G.S.: If they are still around, they probably have google alerts, right?
W.C.: Damn. Right!
E.R.: I think he’d go after Fincher first.
W.C.: Exactly. And Fincher’s address is….
G.S.: LOL
E.R.: It is a little freaky– if you think about it too long. Like the entire 5 months you’re drawing it.
W.C.: But yeah, doing this book was fucking great, especially with Erik. We’ve been friends for a long time, and I’m glad a project came along that We could work on.
E.R.: It has been the single most challenging and rewarding thing I have ever done.
G.S.: Is this your first Comic book?
E.R.: Yeah, first full length book.
W.C.: Quite a task: first book and 96 pages.
G.S.: Awesome. The art looks great!
E.R.: Thanks. I’m really proud of it — I think book two looks even better.
W.C.: Yeah, book two for some reason, I think for both of us just seemed to click.
G.S.: What would you classify the book as? Horror, Dark Comedy…?
W.C.: I’d Say it’s more of a dark comedy than it is horror.
E.R.: It’s like if on Golden Pond had serial killers.
W.C.: Well, I’d Say the book is mainly a dialogue-driven story about these two old guys and their past, but there is action, too. I can tell you this: in book two, the Roberts agree to playing a game, a contest of sorts and that leads to some mischief.
G.S.: So, strangling vs. calendars!?!
W.C.: It’s got murder, for sure.
W.C.: I mean, you can’t have a book about two serial killers and not have it be about murder
G.S.: And they’re are old people and We all know they need to go!
W.C.: Damn right. Some sooner than later.
G.S.: So you mentioned that it was 96 pages? It’s two books, how long did it take you to draw and ink, Erik.
W.C.: Yeah, two 48 pagers.
E.R.: It took me about 5 months.
G.S.: I really like the black and white was it a style choice or a budget choice. 
E.R.: Shadowline talked us into black and white and I think it really suits the book.
E.R.: Color probably would have killed me.
G.S.: A lot of blood.
E.R.: Yeah, I would have been light headed the whole time.
G.S.: Are you the first guys to make your covers in blood. I think I heard about a Saw poster that did something similar, but is the first for a comic?
E.R.: I think so — I’m sure someone out there will correct us if we’re wrong.
G.S.: Some Little Lulu fan probably.
E.R.: Kiss put blood into their red ink for that comic in the 70s.
E.R.: But everyone who touched that book had AIDS now.
W.C.: Yeah, I was going to Say KISS did it but that was in the ink during the printing process this is just during the original art stage.
E.R.: I’m going to have to head out Ralph — any last questions for me?
G.S.: I was just going to suggest the same. I realized that We have been chatting for a while.  Congrats on the book! Thanks for chatting.
G.S.: I may ask Wayne a few more.
E.R.: Okay — cool — thanks so much!
G.S.: I think I will only ask one more.
W.C.: Okay, shoot.
G.S.: how long has it been from the time that you came up with the concept until the 4th when the book comes out?
W.C.: Ah, Well, I’ve had the idea of two old serial killers. Wait, no, let me back up. Originally,  I had this idea about two old ladies who meet in a retirement home and become friends. Both of their husbands are gone, their kids have grown up, etc. and they’ve always played the role of perfect 1950s housewife. But both of them are Actually lesbians, even though they never acted on it and they fall in love and start dating, and it’s about the transition and how their families react, etc. Because I thought what would be MORE CHALLENGING than a story about lesbo grannies so that idea was in my head, like, four years ago and then BTK got caught and I thought, what if the secret wasn’t about the present and their sexuality, but about their past and being a serial killer so the women became men, the lesbians became serial killers and then what happened was, I was at a Christmas party this past December and Erik said that Image had started a new line, Shadowline, and that Jim was in charge Well, Jim and I always got along really Well. he signed me for both of my previous books. so I emailed him and said, “hey, I have this idea.” he dug the idea, and asked which artist I had in mind and I sent him to Erik’s site and they were like, “cool. We’ll send you a contract.”
W.C.: So…
G.S.: Just like that? Wow!
W.C.: The book got picked up before Erik even KNEW about it.
G.S.: Wow!
W.C.: And then I was like, “hey, I got us a book.”
G.S.: that’s great.
G.S.: Erik mentioned that it was a dream come true, that is cool that he got the chance to do it.
W.C.: Yeah, and it’s always great to work with friends. It sometimes makes shit rocky, but it’s easier to get past shit when you Actually like the person.
G.S.: yeah.
W.C.: The thing is, this book is Erik’s book too, not just mine and I have to keep that in mind, that it’s a marriage of both of our visions, and that’s going to conflict at times, but you just push through it. I mean, we’re able to make a comic and do it with a friend. What’s better?
W.C.: I wish I could write and draw, but that’s why I’m going to get into other projects like TV and film, Because you don’t have to draw.
G.S.: So you would be all for making a the Roberts film?
W.C.: Heh. Well…
G.S.: shhhh….. Don’t Say anything  that will get you in trouble. I will go ahead and leave the readers on that very mysterious note and let you go.
W.C.: Alright, thanks, man! This was fun!
G.S.: I had a blast. Can’t wait to check out “The Roberts”..

In 1994 I started to stray from the world of Comic Books. It seemed like every title that was being produced had a tone that, for me, was too dark to be considered escapism. Amongst a sea large breasted scantily clad women with hand guns the size of cannons, I found myself coming across a bright and colorful world known as Snap City. In Snap City, a man known as Frank Einstein (former hitman Zane Townsend) was brought back to life by scientists Dr. Flem and Dr. Boiffard. With his limited memory, Frank donned an outfit that resembled a childhood comic book hero, Mr. Excitement as he takes on the persona as the Madman of Snap City. Along with his friend Mott the Hoople, lab assistants Bonnie and Gale and his devoted girlfriend Joe, Madman enters in a world of inter stellar adventure and intrigue.

The pop art style of Madman comics is created by writer and artist Michael Allred, who, along with his wife and colorist Laura, has continued to captivate readers for almost two decades. With the production of the first Madman motion picture months away and a brand new comic book series from Image, Jonathan and Brian of Geekscape gave me the opportunity to discuss all things Madman with the creator himself.

Ralph Apel: All right, I’m a little nervous.

Mike Allred: Well, don’t be.

RA: All right. I’ll try. I’ll do my best. I’ve been trying to figure out all weekend how to ease into this interview. I think probably the most obvious way is to just ask you about Madman. The origins of Madman and maybe get a little insight on why Frank Einstein and how he became who he is today and what your original idea of the character was.

MA: Where do you want me to start?

RA: Where does he come from? In your mind when you first started what was the concept of your character and where did it come from?

MA: Originally it was kind of a crossroads in my budding career. I had fallen in love with the art form and was making an attempt at it and was also having some surprise success at it. In other words it was a hobby that started to pay off. So I was just kinda playing with the art form but my first serious attempt was illustrating a screenplay called Dead Air and a friend who was a big comic book fan knew that I was an artist said, “Why don’t you, it’s like you’re storyboarding the screenplay, why don’t you draw it in comic book form?” And so I was reintroduced to this art form which I loved as a kid, was always around as a kid and took for granted as a kid; but I now seriously studied it. I studied the history of it and drew my screenplay, was published by Slave Labor Graphics, and by the time it came out it wasn’t just a one-off thing any more; I wanted to pursue it. So I started drawing other ideas out, still not really sure of what I wanted to do.

Then when I realized that this was what I wanted to make my career and dedicate my life to it I had to kind of just throw everything out. I guess I had to reset everything. And with that I had to figure out what I really wanted to do. What was important to me in the medium, and also what kind of niche, if any, I wanted to make for myself as a creator.

My kids had become school age at this time and I wanted to do something that they could tell their friends what their dad did. In other words I started looking outside of myself and made a master list of what I wanted to do and also the kind of material I wanted to show to people as an entertainer, or an artist, a creator. So I thought of all the things that I loved when I was a kid and things that I was gaining appreciation for or learning about then as an adult. So I was re-exposed to Plastic Man, the Spirit, and Alex Toth’s The Fox.

My good friend Bernie Morrow did this great character called The Jam. So I pretty much just kind of put everything in a bag and shook it up. Then I already had a pre-existing character with my favorite character, Frank Einstein which was kind of like a contemporary Frankenstein and also was the closest thing to my sensibilities, reflecting my personality. So it really just came down to throwing the costume on him. That’s, in the most simplified way, the best explanation I have for how Frank Einstein in costume became Madman.

RA: Awesome. At the time that you were deciding to start making a career of your comic books, what did Laura think of all of this? Was she behind you one hundred percent? Was it a bit strange to her?

MA: She really was behind me completely. She was an art major in college. That’s where we met and so she understood my passion for art and was always interested to see what comic book stuff I brought home. And it was a crash course.

I think all of my comics as a kid had been thrown away or lost or stolen prior to meeting Laura, except I had the Barry Windsor Smith Conan collection. I had everything he had done. And Red Nails, which today is on of my favorite comic book stories ever. And my first serious attempt as an adult, you know as a kid I’d be on the floor with my brother, folding paper, making little books of comic books. But as an adult, my first serious attempt, just before college, was trying to draw a Conan story. You know, in a Barry Smith style.

She saw later when I was really making a focused attempt at it I was borrowing stuff from my friend Charlie and buying stuff which excited me and reading books on the history of comics and rebuying books that I had as a kid like Jules Pfeiffer’s superhero book and Stranko’s History of Comics and just looking through price guides to read about how many issues of this series or that series and who was the artist on this series and who created that, on and on and on. It was just a really exciting time because all this wonderful, thrilling material was in the home and she was right there. Even when I was in broadcasting, I was a TV reporter in Europe when we really made the move.

My friend Steve Seagal, the first comic book pro I ever met in Colorado Springs when I was teaching TV Production at the Air Force Academy he gave me my first real pointers and he also gave me my first real break when I was a TV reporter in Europe he got me this gig called Jaguar Stories for Comico which was twelve monthly issues. And it was such a generous page rate that it was safe for me to say, “OK, we have a year to try to make this happen.” So we pulled up our roots and came back to Oregon which where we ultimately wanted to retire and here we got a head start at being able to settle down in Oregon and from that moment on it was no looking back.

I took my work ethic that I had in broadcasting and spilled it all into my artwork and storytelling knowing that this was the best chance that I was going to have and we just really made a play for it and so she was completely behind me. Not only because she knew I was passionate about it but also once we had made that commitment that if I failed or didn’t have her complete support it could go very badly. She’s always been the best thing that ever happened to me on every level.

RA: I completely understand. My wife is also a saint. I have a question. I’m a huge fan of your work, by the way. I visit your boards almost every day.

MA: I’ve taken note of your posts on the message boards. I’m very appreciative.

RA: My wife told me once that she was going to start getting jealous of the character Joe every time she pops up on my wallpaper, which got me thinking. I was wondering what does Laura think of some of the female characters you create and some of the outfits you put them in? Does she ever maybe think that there might be too many curves? Does she get jealous or does she just smile?

MA: Actually, her attitude is, I try to make all my characters more realistic so that they’re not muscles on muscles that don’t exist in human anatomy and so the scales are more natural and she’s mentioned that she’s appreciative of that. My effort to do that. And when I have the ideal females, they’re almost always inspired by her. Specifically Joe and It Girl are to me they’re direct mirrors of Laura. In the same what that if any character I’ve created is of mine it would be Frank Einstein. For instance I kind of have, I’m always having this battle with self deprecation so Frank with his scars and that’s something that’s directly from my head and the way that I perceive Laura with her unquestioning devotion that’s absolutely inspiration for Joe. And It Girl has those same qualities as well.

She’s never had any insecurities about the characters. Bonnie, who is my buxom blonde, very typical buxom blonde, for me that’s a way to kind of play up and make fun of the fanboy mentality that gets excited about a woman with large breasts. Which you know I think is silly, but at the same time there are women that have large breasts and if I’m disappointed in myself, Laura’s certainly never criticized me about this but that I don’t have more characters that are super skinny or more overweight so I’ve kind of went down this happy medium of comic book idealism and reality and what I’m trying to do more and more is to stretch my comfort zone. And that includes characters. Letting go of characters and putting more real life disappointments and tragedies to further contrast the joy and excitement of the adventures and good vibes that I like to have in my work. So I’m really hoping to throw in some twists and turns, cartwheels and loops in the future and I’m just hoping that people that have supported our work are going to stick with us and enjoy the ride.

RA: This last weekend I picked up one of your latest trades, which is Madman and the Atomics volume one. Which I just started reading. I hadn’t read it before and you mention there’s light-heartedness to your work but every once in a while you’ll throw a curve ball and it almost heightens the impact. In an issue I just read over the weekend the Cadaver is in an alleyway with It Girl and Metal Man and he picks up a cat who is innocently walking through an alley and he completely melts the flesh off the cat, killing it. Is that a conscious effort to, for certain scenes like that, knowing that you have such a light-hearted storytelling style that these kind of moments will have a stronger impact? Is that a real conscious effort?

MA: Well, it is in that it’s really important to me to show the contrasts of life. Also the fact that bad things often happen to good people. And some people when bad things happen to them it’s really where they’re tested. And I think that’s why we’re here. I think that’s what life is about, to get tested. To see where we hold up and also to see where we appreciate the good things so in other words, if only good things ever happened to us, we wouldn’t really appreciate it because we wouldn’t have ever felt the other side of it.

The pain and the tragedy and so we wouldn’t appreciate love if it wasn’t for hate, we wouldn’t appreciate peace if it wasn’t for violence, and so it’s important for us to have these reflecting contrasts so that we can have our thoughts provoked and to expand our consciousness and to fully appreciate what’s going on around us.

Also to look outside of ourselves. You know it’s not like it’s all about us. I’ve found that the most happy a human being can be is when they’re actually concerning themselves with somebody else and it’s kind of a joyful paradox that the most selfish thing you could do is to help somebody else because that’s the ultimate joy. That’s why here we’re having this discussion right before Christmas, which is just my favorite time of the year. It seems to be a time when people are eager and enthusiastic about being kind and looking towards other people and helping those that are less fortunate than themselves and that’s sort of thing. So when people talk about wouldn’t it be great if that’s how it was the year around, well it can be and it should be and I make that effort. Failing miserably most of the time, but it’s all of these things that when I sit down to flesh out the outline and write my stories and work with my characters I have a list of priorities.

First and foremost, to entertain and get people excited about what I do and what I’m presenting but also to make sure that they experience is unpredictable yet to have characters that you’re going to want to revisit and be comfortable with and familiar with.

There’s stuff that’s happening in the issues that haven’t quite come out yet that I’m really concerned with because I know some people are going to be very upset and I’m making some really crazy left turns that I know maybe it might be too much too soon but I really have been building up to these levels of impact and it’s important to me to not compromise too much, as much as I’m concerned about the readers and the people that are fans of the work I don’t want to betray them but at the same time I think it’s even worse to betray them by soft-pedaling things and not showing the ugly and tragic side of life. And it’s almost silly to talk about these kind of things when you’re talking about funny books but where I embrace the innocence and the simplicity of those early inspirations and the classic material that started the medium; I also don’t want to deny its potential.

So while I enjoy having this kind of light, entertaining, adventurous surface, I still want to have these deep existential, philosophical, emotional notes in the work. So for me it’s always a balance, it’s always fine-tuning and figuring out what notes to play and when a note is too loud or too in your face and when it’s just right and subtle and works everything naturally. These are things I’m constantly concerning myself with and whether it’s showing it’s a short cut to show a bad guy is bad when he kills a cat, at the same time where that may not be as subtle there are other things that I’m hoping people won’t immediately recognize or see the structure for something that I’ve been building towards so when I play the bigger notes that they have as much impact as possible.

RA: Madman Atomic Comics #2 comes to mind where in Frank’s mind he is trying to construct his own world, his own reality and it’s Warren who takes on the form of our current President. It’s moments like that where as a reader it really makes you think. Especially in the Madman comic which to me has always felt like an old Saturday morning matinee style serial. To see something so grounded in reality it’s really interesting to see something like that put out in front of you in such a medium that may be regarded as kid’s entertainment. But I definitely believe the impact is there.

MA: I’m glad you mentioned that. The angriest letter I’ve ever received was because of that moment and the writer of the letter was upset that I broke the barrier of this fantasy world which I’ve created and brought in this realistic, not only this realistic contemporary figure that reflects our time but also revealed possibly my politics. That through Frank I was showing that I thought the Bush administration was a disaster. And he was upset that I was using my comic book and that for him it took him out of the story because of that.

And for me, I agree with that and I respected what he had to say, but it was a moment for me to show that this wasn’t Frank’s reality, this wasn’t Frank’s universe, that if I was going to have any social commentary that this would be the moment to show it and some of that was reflected in the letter column, my feelings about that.

Especially since my older brother, who has been in the Guard and sent to Iraq three times, and there have been months and months when we haven’t heard from him or known what’s going on. So for all those reasons and for the fact that Laura and I from day one couldn’t understand why all of a sudden we were putting our resources into Iraq it’s just been this frustrating thing for us and so I took this self-indulgent moment in this alternate reality and threw that in there. I don’t regret it, except for the reasons I said before and that I did understand and respect this person’s point of view and how it took them out of the story. And I don’t want to take people out of the story but at the same time I want to kind of express these ideas and make people aware a politician is a politician. And if you’re looking for a savior in a politician, you’re always going to be horribly disappointed. This is what I was trying to get across in that my idea of a savior, but specifically a comic book savior would just be the kind of person who wanted people to follow the golden rule and treat another person like you would want to be treated: which I think is the one element that most faiths seem to have in common.

But as individuals we don’t follow that rule as we should. If we did, we won’t be looking out for interests that would allow us to make money off of war, which has always been the case. And in my mind there have been very few wars that have been justified or to use an extreme word, “righteous.” Whether it’s freeing slaves or fighting for your freedom or defending yourself.

So all of these concerns and ideologies and passions and disgust of politics all kind of filtered into that one moment. That’s why it was there. But it was a learning experience for me because on the one hand I have to kind of set some rules for each of my projects. In other words, with Red Rocket 7 there were certain rules I had to follow and having real rock and roll history and contrasting it with my fictionalized clone characters. And in Madman I have to kind of set the boundaries too and I think that I have probably cheated with that George Bush moment. These are the kind of decisions that you’re constantly coming up against, especially when your set goal is releasing a book every month and I haven’t been completely successful at keeping my monthly deadlines. I mostly feel successful about staying true to the rule that I’ve set for myself, that would be one moment where I bent those rules considerably, justified them, but at the same time in retrospect I don’t know if I would have done that.

On the other hand I was able to communicate what I wanted to communicate in one moment, but maybe the Madman series wasn’t the right place for that, maybe I should have used another project to reflect that. I try to make it clear also that I don’t belong to a political party and I have really high standards for any politician to ever have my support. I’m wary of politicians, I’m wary of government, my faith is always in the individual. So on the one hand I’m very protective of my ideologies, of my faith, of the things that I believe and I never want to seem preachy, or condescending. I want to be the everyman when it comes to philosophizing, but with my work I want to be as unique as possible. So all these things were in consideration and are in consideration when making those decisions and every time you do make a decision also about the stuff I’ve already decided, committed to, just hasn’t reached the stands yet, in your local comic shops…

RA: I’ve seen some of the covers.

MA: You’re just never going to please everybody all the time. I guess that’s the best way to sum up this topic.

RA: Well, as long as you’re happy with the books. That’s all that matters. You can’t please everybody all the time. I think the books are great. On the lighter side, there’s a question I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while. It’s about the new series. Frank’s reality is really twisted now, a lot of stuff going on. I was wondering if we were going to see or revisit Frank from the first three issues of Madman. The Madman where he’ll rip a guy’s eye out and eat it or something will snap in his head where he becomes a violent monster almost.

MA: There is an ugly side, and we will see elements of that. The new series, what I’ve tried to point out is that the extremely violent moments that he’s had actually never happened. The first series and it’s a happy accident that it was released in that dreamy, two-color format, because in retrospect and especially context of the gargantuan collection it plays like a dream. It has this different, almost close to nightmarish quality.

And then with Madman Adventures and the pop art covers I think that’s when the character really found his soul and revealed who he really was which is this individual that has done questionable things in his past life but in his new life had really tried hard to rise above his natural tendencies. There’s a scripture, I don’t know exactly where but it’s “The natural man is an enemy to God.” That’s a theme that has always fascinated me where we look at people and go, “They were just born that way,” like murderers and serial killers, and there’s this justification for it. Or you blame the parents, when somebody does something horrible. “Oh, it was the way they were raised.” Like I said before, my faith is in the individual.

I also say that because I think each of us are capable of overcoming our selfish natural impulses. It’s why somebody as a child might go into a store and grab a fistful of candy, but later when they learn that that’s wrong they make a conscious decision never to do that again. Going back to my philosophy and belief that we’re here to experience life and to look at the extremes and the contrasts of human existence and we make choices of where we’re going to fall in there. Are we going to be part of an evil corporation or are we going to be part of a charitable organization? Or are we just going to be concerned with our sphere of influence and just be the best people we can be or do we follow those selfish tendencies and give into our natural base impulses that hurt other people but benefit us. These are things that are really important to me and ultimately what I’m most passionate about is give people choices. I think the most evil thing you can do is to take someone’s agency away from them to where they’re not allowed to make choices, where they’re not allowed to rise up from whatever position they might find themselves in.

There should always be a hand reaching down to lift up. So many wonderful things happened in my life because someone reached down to me. We all need to do that. We need mentors. we need guidance. we need role models. we need inspiration. As soon as we think we’re as good as we can be, we are. We’re done, we’ve made that choice. As long as we’re constantly striving to improve ourselves then there can be progression.

As a race, as people, as human beings. These are all the ideals that I can boil down and like sunlight through a magnifying glass, that’s what Frank Einstein is to me. He’s clearly not a perfect individual, he’s done horrible things. Not as bad as he thought he had, and what I tried to get across was that these really horrible violent things that the body did were the fear of being this very shadowy individual in a previous life and learning that and trying to get across to show that he’s learning, and to get across to everyone that we’re not who people perceive us to be, we’re not who our past shows us to be but we are who we decide to be right now today. It’s always about now.

There’s this great song by Flaming Lips, “All We Have Is Now” and that’s a really important idea to get across. We learn from our past, we have hope for the future and we have right now to decide who we are and that is ultimately who we are. So we’re not the guys that insulted somebody at a party last week, we’re the guys that apologize today and make a commitment to not do that sort of thing again. So that’s who we are, right now, what we decide to be so we don’t need to regret the past as long as we learn from it and move beyond it and are trying to improve upon it.

That’s who Frank Einstein is for me and by having that contrast of his violent past it’s important also to show that he’s moved beyond that and he’s found more esteem and matured considerably from those early issues. And as childlike as he remains he’s much less childlike than he was say in the early issues of Madman Adventures. So he is maturing and growing as he experiences life, but having said that, just like each of us we have our bad moments. As hard as we may struggle not to lose our temper doesn’t mean we won’t ever lose our temper again.

For me with Laura, if my relationship with her is beyond anything I think I deserve and I think I only deserve it because I realize that the things that I’ve said before, that if I’ve made mistakes or treated her less than she deserved to be treated it’s not like you should just throw it out the window and get divorced or whatever, but move beyond that and the greatest moment in our life and in our relationship was when we realized, you know what, we’re going to fight. We’re going to have arguments, but we’re also going to love each other more in the future than we do right now if we maintain our commitment and when we had that moment of consciousness our commitment increased and now we’re living in that reward. That to me is just the perfect example of what makes life wonderful. When you don’t just throw your hands up and say, “Oh forget it, I don’t want to try anymore.” But when you do sweat it out, it’s wonderful to be living in that realization now. That’s why I think I’m loving life more than ever because I’m tasting the benefit of holding on and sticking it out.

There were times when it would have been real easy for Laura and I to say, “Forget it, I’m calling a lawyer, let’s just call it quits and stop.” It’s so easy to get divorced, it’s so easy to quit anything in life anymore and we didn’t. So because of that our love for each other our commitment to each other is more fulfilling and enjoyable and now we look back and here there’s somebody who’s shared over half of our life, the good times and bad times and it’s not like I’m having to start new with somebody and, “Well now I’m going to be a better person with this person.” No, I’m with someone who’s seen the worst of me and can appreciate the progression that I’ve made as a person.

Again, all this stuff, if anybody says that I fool myself and that none of this stuff is seen in the comic books, that is fine, but the intent is there. I want these kind of moments to reflect these things that I’m learning in my own personal growth as a human being. I have this perfect little playground to, in subtle ways I admit, hopefully subtle ways, filter this stuff into my comic book work.

RA: Right now I’m actually looking at the five-page preview for MAC #4 with Frank and Joe in the park. I think it really does come across. I think your relationship with Laura really comes across in the books. I definitely see that.

MA: That was a fun moment to be able to make. Especially where we see Frank healing. The mask is slowly been reducing his scarring. The scarring to me is symbolic of a damaged soul but unfortunately for Frank he was just dreaming, but it still does reflect his hopes and his goals, what he’s hoping to get out of life.

RA: It seems that it’s something that he’s going to bring back with him if he makes it back to Joe. This experience with him envisioning himself as “normal” in his mind and being happy with himself if he does make it back to Snap City and reunite with Joe it’ll be good to see him almost accept himself and understand why she actually loves him.

MA: Boy, are you in for some surprises.

RA: I don’t know, I’m really interested in seeing where this story goes. The new series has been definitely interesting and there’s definitely tension there.

MA: I’ve never been happier. I’m more happy with the work now than anything I’ve done. I’m very excited about what we’ve got planned and also the leaps we’re taking artistically. I was afraid that some of the experimentation I’ve been doing might have been too big of a leap, but so far people seem to be responding positively to it.

RA: The art is great.

MA: Thanks. If you look at Gargantua, you’ll see that we’ve been experimenting all the way. That we’ve never settled on one specific style that we’ve made little changes here and there, tried new techniques here and there, some less successful than others but with this new series I think the experiments have been a little more noticeable but hopefully the reaction we’ve been getting runs parallel with how the masses feel about it. I’m hoping there aren’t disappointed people that just haven’t been vocal. I’m enjoying it, that’s really important for an artist to please themself first, to follow their artistic impulses but at the same time I don’t want to alienate anybody by abandoning a particular style or feel that somebody has gained affection for. I’m hoping that ultimately if people like our work and are drawn to what we’re doing it’ll be because of that and this need to progress and improve upon it and be constantly excited about what we’re doing and we are that. We’re very excited about what we’re doing so if that is reflected in the work, then wow, we couldn’t be happier.

RA: It looks great. Not saying that the other stuff didn’t.

MA: I’ve had people say, “My favorite stuff you did was such and such,” and it was like ten years ago or something and I just kind of plaster a smile on my face. Glad I did something that you liked, but that’s kind of disappointing that you don’t like what I’m doing right now as much as you did then because I feel like it’s night and day. But everybody’s entitled to his or her own opinion.

RA: I started reading this series before I was able to pick up Gargantua. It was interesting looking through the new books and then going back to close to the beginning of Madman and seeing that artwork and how much it’s changed, like you said it’s definitely night and day. I’m going to ask a few more questions, just a couple more, because it’s something that I’m really, really interested in and as you were talking about experimenting with Madman, and different art styles, I need to ask you about one of the latest experiments with the character which is the movie. I know you guys are in the writing process, is that correct?

MA: It’s really frustrating because we’re right at the tail end of the writing process, but we didn’t have a lot of script and so the writer’s strike has completely shut us down. But I’m really happy with what we’ve got. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the screenplay is right on and it’s exactly the movie I want to see.

RA: I know there’s probably not much you can talk about as far as the movie’s concerned. I know that I’ve heard on a different interview that you’ve mentioned you have a clear vision of what the film should look like.

MA: Yes.

RA: I’m wondering if you have done any screen tests.

MA: Oh no, not yet.

RA: Not yet?

MA: Makeup type tests, design, but nothing on film.

RA: Can you say what kind of makeup tests you’ve done?

MA: The mask for instance. The best way to describe it is that it’ll be prosthetic to where it will go around the actor’s head, but then have an opening above the eyebrows and around the chin, but then it’ll be this kind of grayish white that will blend in with the face.

RA: Kind of like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz?

MA: Exactly. The Scarecrow is a good example of that. If you’ve ever seen the Blue Man Group.

RA: Yes.

MA: Where they don’t have ears, their head is just one, you can see their nose and their eyes…

RA: I’ve never noticed that they don’t have ears.

MA: It’s like that. There will be shots where a hand is in front of the mask and stretching it out to further cement the illusion. It’s always fun to see how people make their homemade costumes and stuff, they’ll put a sock over their head with the eyes cut out, but where the mask has evolved into this second human skin in the comic books, Frank has full use of his expression, so that’s what I’m really happy with, the actor will be completely unhindered. It’s going to be a really cool, surreal look to it. It’ll have that second skin look to it.

RA: That’s good.

MA: And it’ll be seamless.

RA: And what about the eyes? Are they going to be white?

MA: The eyes? Yeah, the color part of a person’s eyes, you’ll be able to see where he’s looking, but it’ll be that kind of dead, washed out, colorless look. What hasn’t been decided yet is if it’ll be these pale, white contacts or if we’ll just use it with computers. I guess it’ll depend on the comfort, the actor’s going to be in the Frank Einstein makeup for the majority of the film. There are these moments of the Zane Townsend character without the makeup but also then with the mask off you will see the scars and the stitches and the plate in his head, so there’s that as well.

RA: Have you done that makeup yet, has that been done?

MA: No, but that’s pretty standard stuff, nothing you need to experiment for that. Some badly mangled stitches and that sort of stuff, pretty easy to do.

RA: What other characters will we be seeing in the movie? Is there anyone? Joe, will obviously be in it.

MA: Oh yeah.

RA: Boiffard and Flem, I’m assuming.

MA: Joe, Boiffard, Flem, Monstadt, Gail, Bonnie, it’s pretty much an enhanced version of the original. It’s the non-dream version of the first three issue series.

RA: Oh, that’s great.

MA: It’s like what really happened. The mask always has the hair out of it, for instance. The main reason why Frank had that full head mask was for one reason only and that was because for people that had followed Graphic Music and had seen Creatures of the Id, I thought it was here I had this very small loyal following with my early work, and I didn’t want to reveal that my favorite character Frank Einstein was this new character Madman until the third issue, so I wanted there to be this reveal, so for people that liked Frank Einstein, who was by far my most popular creation at that point, and that remains so to this day, I believe, I wanted to have this reveal and his hair was so distinctive at the time. It actually used to be this wild, curly hair, and it’s kind of become more of a flipped out, windblown thing.

RA: A friend of mine refers to that curly hair as the nineties hair.

MA: But that was it, I always wanted to have that, one of my favorite characters as a kid was Kid Flash who had that mask with that open top with the hair coming out so that when Kid Flash was running his hair was blowing back and I always loved that look and so that was it, the only reason. For me that’s how we established that and if we were that faithful to the original series, then we’d have him in the full head mask all along, and I don’t really want to do that. Why? Also, when we find out the reason for his mask, it’s beyond the superhero identity which Frank Einstein wants for himself because of the self esteem issues.

The real purpose of the mask is it’s chemically treated and it’s a healing thing. So why would you have that over your hair? If anybody’s expecting the full head mask, that’s not happening. Which, the only person I know that’s incredibly disappointed about that is Alex Ross, for some reason. He just absolutely loved the original full head mask and is always giving me a hard time about it. Here’s a classic example of I gotta do what I want to do and the Madman costume you see now is the definitive Madman costume as far as I’m concerned. He’ll play with the Exclamation Bolt, the version you see now is the one I prefer.

There’s the one where the dot is square, and there’s the version that the bolt comes to a point. I may change my mind again at some point in the future, I don’t know. But the one you see now in the current series is the definitive one as far as I’m concerned. And we want to get as close to that as possible so I’m assuming we’ll use the same kind of material that’s been used for the Spider-Man costume, although if you notice when I draw the costume you’ll see little bags, it’s a little bit baggy sometimes, you’ll see the folds in the knees.

I like it kind of loose-fitting, but I want it to look good. The fit of it is something we’re really going to have to figure out cause you look at superhero costumes over the years, over the decades and I think on-screen we’ve finally found this material that really looks good. The same material was used in the Fantastic Four movies, and it looks pretty good. But you’ve gotta be really fit to pull it off and these are all things that we’re going to nail down, what looks best, what’s most comfortable, and I want it to have a charming look, I want it to have kind of that realistic, real-world look, but I don’t want it to look cheap, so these are all things that we have yet to decide on.

RA: I have two quick questions about the film. Because it’s going to be the first three books, does that mean we won’t see, which is my favorite character, Mott the Hoople?

MA: Yeah, Mott hasn’t come into it yet, we’ve talked about sequels, hopefully it’ll be successful enough that a sequel is justified and we would go right into Mott and probably bring in the mean street beatniks and maybe bring in their Atomic identities too, that’s something we don’t know yet.

RA: Would you do Mott CG or in a suit, if you were to do it.

MA: I think he’d be pretty easy to do with prosthetic makeup. He’s kind of your classic monster character. I look at the Alien movies, I’ve never seen any CG creation that’s anywhere as cool as the Alien. Even when you see it full on. It’s great with those movies that the Alien is always in the shadows, and always you just briefly see it, where Mott will be out in full, there’s that shiny part of quality with the Alien character that I really like. I’d like some amalgam of that, where Mott looks all slick and shiny. I don’t know, we’ll see. I just don’t see why we would go with CGI. A character like Shrek in the comics, and I’d like to point out that I’d never heard of Shrek the cartoon when I created my Shrek, so what a bizarre coincidence, in fact, I named the character after one of my best buddies, my Madman editor at Dark Horse, Bob Shrek, I spelled it differently so it wasn’t a clear, direct tribute to him and here it turns out this cartoon character, it was really wild and it followed right on the heels. That character would have to be CGI if we did it in a movie. Insect thing.

RA: I was looking at that and I was thinking of a big lumbering man in a suit, kind of a Godzilla character.

MA: Right.

RA: And then have him put in digitally, but I expect…

MA: That would be easily done too, the way Robert’s got this state-of-the art green screen. He’s got the largest green screen outside of Hollywood in his Austin facilities and he’s breaking ground any time he does anything, he’s really tight with George Lucas, he’s worked directly with him, he’s been a champion of his digital process. At any level, if Robert says this is what’s going to work best, that’s all I need to know, because Robert knows what he’s doing. He’s done his homework and he’s also worked everything out, so it’s all good, he’s the man.

RA: Excellent. I don’t want to take up more of your time but I’m just dying to know more about this movie. I guess I could just ask you on the boards. Before I go, one last question, you mentioned at the beginning that you wanted your kids to be able to say what their dad does for a living, now many years later, what does your family think of your career on a whole, and what you and Laura are doing now, over the course of the past twenty years or so?

MA: It’s almost scary to talk about this kind of stuff because life is just so darn good right now and our family has never been tighter, we just love spending time together, there’s actually a lot of stuff that my kids were never interested in looking at or reading and now are, and it’s really enjoyable on every level. I just feel like in most cases we’ve made the right decisions, made the right moves, and there have been enough tragedies in our life that I’m hoping I’m not due for any more because we’re really just enjoying everything right now and my dad who is the biggest inspiration to me, died a couple of months ago and that was really hard and that has had a direct effect on my life and my work and my philosophy and it’s also been a very keen learning experience and also has been a reason that our family has grown even closer together. There’s just a lot of good times happening.

Recently Marvel did this series called Legendary Heroes, an action line figure and here we were able to go to Wal-Mart and see Madman on an end cap. Right there, first thing you see as you turn into the toy department and here we are all together, enjoying this moment.

So I’m really hopeful that in many ways the film would be the ultimate expression of that, to all sit together and to enjoy something that we’ve all dreamed about for so many years, it’s almost exhausting to talk about the film anymore because it was optioned almost immediately when it was the first series at Tundra. Kevin Eastman was my publisher and he at that time was having great success with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles films and the Crow came out and was hugely successful, that was published at Tundra, so the phone started ringing and right out of the box we were getting offers, first from 20th Century Fox, then we had our first deal with Universal Pictures, which was during the Dark Horse era, then Robert picked it up. Just next year it’s going to be ten years that Robert Rodriguez has personally optioned it, and there’s a whole list of reasons why it hasn’t been produced yet, but I think ultimately we’re benefiting from all these delays and these other projects that we’re going to benefit from. But it’s been so long in the making and we’ve talked about it for so long, it just seems like a surreal possibility.

Even now, most recently when we were actually talking about a March or April start date and the writers strike happened, and it stopped everything, so I can honestly say I’m not crushed by it. I’m steeled up by it, and in many ways I have a deeper appreciation and higher priority for the comic book series itself because of that. The huge detour I took on X-Force and X-Static, and then prior to that Red Rocket 7 have allowed me to realize how important the Madman universe is and waiting for the film to happen I was able to pull away from it and think, Ok, when we get back to Madman we’ll do it with a major motion picture behind us and we’ll be launched to the top of the sales charts and I eventually realized I can’t wait for that.

The comic book has to succeed or fail on its own merits and that’s why finally it was, ok, I’m coming back to it and I’m putting everything I can in it and the result of that has been Madman Atomic Comics, the most satisfying experience on paper I’ve ever had. So when the film happens it’ll be on the tail of the definitive series, as far as I’m concerned, as opposed to the series coming on the tail of a film, and whatever kind of level of success it has or doesn’t have. Now I’m in a much healthier position where I’m not going to live or die based on the success or failure of a film because I’m doing exactly what makes me happiest.

RA: It’s icing on the cake.

MA: Exactly. A successful, faithful film is just that icing, that bonus. It’s not the ultimate be-all end-all anymore which is kind of where it was building up to, so it’s a really good place to be.

RA: Well, I’m definitely excited for that moment as well. I had this vision of seeing your artwork opening the movie over credits. I don’t know if that’s going to happen or not, similar to Sin City.

MA: I’m pretty sure it won’t, we did that with G-Men From Hell, I did the artwork, and I drew a comic book sequence for the opening of that movie. I really want this film to be as real world based as possible. I want it to have its own reality, I don’t want to wink at the audience and say, “Hey, this is based on a comic book, folks.” So that’s something I really I’m pretty sure I don’t want to do.

RA: What about the logo?

MA: I don’t know how we’re going to do that. I’m hoping the logo will be exactly the same thing. I want it to be the definitive logo, but again if Robert or any of the design team comes up with anything better, hey my mind is open to that. If you look at the logo too, that’s evolved over time. So the logo that we have now is for me the definitive logo. There was at least two if not three incarnations before now and it’s been a good ten years since I’ve felt the need to improve upon it so I think it’s right where I want it to be.

I think the only nod to comics in the Madman film will be when Frank’s looking at the Mr. Excitement comic books, and I haven’t decided whether I’ll do the artwork for those, or bring in some of my friends like Nick Derington who did a Mr. Excitement strip in the King-Size Special, and other people like Jay Stevens, I see different incarnations of Mr. Excitement, which I’m very excited about so, we haven’t decided about that, but you will see comics in the movie, but they will be the comic books that inspire Frank Einstein.

RA: All right. I really should get going, but what about even maybe a poster? Would you do artwork for a poster? Maybe a variant of a poster, not the definitive poster?

MA: It’s possible. It’s possible. Years ago, Alex Ross and I did a huge man-sized, it’s like a six foot tall, I’m not exactly sure how tall, just a giant poster based on the Madman Comics 10 artwork, and for me that was like, “Wow, wouldn’t this be cool to see in a movie theater,” and we actually, in my indy film Master West, there’s this scene where the characters run past a movie theater and we managed to get that poster inside the glass display in front of this classic old theatre so I was able to live out that moment, but all this stuff is fun and I’m open to all of it.

From Dusk Til Dawn, a film that Robert Rodriguez did with Quentin Tarantino, you know the original classic photo montage movie poster, but they actually commissioned Frank Frazetta to do one and it’s like, “Wow, wouldn’t that be amazing, to get Frank Frazetta to do a version for the film,” you know I’m actually more interested in getting somebody that I’m really like “wow” with, like Frank Frazetta or another hero of mine, to actually have them move on paper or something. And also, you’ll see films that have different versions of posters, so they will maybe one of them will be based on artwork of mine, or a collaboration ,or artwork by some of my heroes, maybe we’ll get Barry Windsor Smith to do one, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll do over a hundred of them, in Madman Atomic Comics 3 get everybody who survived that. But that’s why I love the comic book industry so much, there’s just so much to get excited about.

RA: It’s just really exciting being a fan of Madman right now, so much going on and it’s great talking with you.

MA: Nice talking with you.

RA: Do you have any final thoughts, anything to say to the folks out there who are checking out this interview?

MA: Naw.

RA: Naw?

MA: No just, I love you deeply and intensely and always will.

RA: And keep those letters coming in?

MA: Yeah, keep those cards and letters coming.

RA: Well, thank you very much for taking the time. It was a pleasure. I can’t wait to see what comes out in the future.

MA: Good, I’ll do my best to keep that going.

RA: Thanks a lot, I’ll see you on the boards.

MA: Okay, take care.

RA: All right.

MA: Bye.

RA: Bye.