A Jackass Has No Name: What One More Season Could Have Brought To The Table

I realized that with the end of Game of Thrones just 6 days away, if I didn’t write something about the series now, I never would. So here’s my contribution to the GoT Lexicon of Criticism.

I write this less than 24 hours after the airing of Season 8, Episode 5 “The Bells,” and the Twittersphere is…salty. Most of the criticisms are either in the “I-Hated-It-This-Is-A-Disaster” camp, or the “I-Liked-It-But-The-Heel-Turn-Was-Rushed” camp. Both make really legit points. I’m going to try to steer clear of repeating what people smarter than me are saying, and just put down my own reactions and thoughts on how this show has simultaneously gone so horribly wrong and yet so beautifully right.

The Moral of The Story?

One episode shy of the completion of the series, having watched EVERY episode at least twice (except last night’s, but that’ll happen in a few hours), it seems that the overall moral of the television series of HBO is: Incest is unhealthy and bad, mmmkay?

I get that the story is supposed to be telling us that war is horrible (we knew that), that people make bad decisions in their own self-interests (again, we knew that), that absolute power corrupts absolutely (we have the current political climate to tell us that) and that secrets are dangerous (that’s a good reminder). But seriously, EVERYTHING in this story stems from the fruits of incest: the hero-turned-villain is a product of centuries of incest (George R.R. Martin wrote a whole book about it instead of finishing “Winds of Winter”), the whole of Westeros is thrown into conflict because of incest, and an attempt to cover it up, and part of the catalyst for the villain’s turn is being rejected by someone who doesn’t want to commit…incest.

It’s a good jumping off point for the story, and I guess it makes sense, but my question is…what the hell happened in either George R.R.’s or the showrunners lovingly called D&D’s childhood that would make incest and its consequences the central point of their storytelling? And did we really need this much INCEST? Is there something going on in the world I’m not aware of?

Who hurt you, D&D?

The Missing Season

Let’s just cut to the chase: we’re missing a season of Game of Thrones.

I have no idea what created the requirement that seasons 7 & 8 HAD to be shortened, and HAD to finish the story. I do have an idea that a LOT of story and character development was skipped over in this mad-dash effort to condense what may be 4 or 5 books worth of material into 3 seasons. So here’s what I think we should have received in Game of Thrones: The Missing Season:

-Dany’s slow, tortured descent into madness as she slowly loses everyone she loves, and realizes she is going to fail.

-Jon’ slow, tortured handling of his base, biological instinct vs. the morality he was taught (i.e., he’s not happy schtuping his Aunt).

-Jon’s falling out of love.

-The slow march of the Army of the Dead on the South.

-The full story arc and explanation of the Night’s King and the White Walkers.

-Something something something that explains Bran’s purpose other than Vox Dei.

-An actual arc where Jamie Lannister WANTS to break good, but just can’t.

-An actual arc with Euron Greyjoy, and wooing Cersei.

-An actual arc for Cersei, as she also descends (further) into madness.

-Sansa having to lead the North.

-More of Varys and Tyrion trying to steer Dany to goodness, and failing.

-Grey Worm being molded by Dany to be…vengeful.

-Something that shows how Samwell Tarly deals with his family, and setting the stage for him to become Lord Tarly.

-SOME resolutions of what happens in Essos, Dorne and Highgarden.


I think all of these are left on the table, and have led to the correct, but ultimately unsatisfying, conclusion.

How It’s Going To EndDisappointing, No Matter What

I think the writers – George R.R. included – have written themselves into a no-win situation. This is why it’s taking Mssr. Martin so damn long to write the next book.

I look into the VERY near future and wonder…what’s the correct way to “stick the landing” in this final episode? Let’s first look at where we’re at, House-wise:

-The Stark line is, effectively, dead. Jon is not a Stark (by name). Bran is no longer a Stark (and his “root and stem” are probably non-functional, anyway). Arya and Sansa would, in this misogynistic realm, yield offspring with another family name. There was a reason Season 8 Episode 4 was called “The Last of the Starks.” That house is dead.

Sorry, Jon. It’s not going to be you.

-House Lannister is now down to one Lannister: Tyrion. He could end up on the Throne, he could end up dead. But House Lannister’s future ain’t lookin’ too bright.

-House Targaryen is down to Jon Aegon Azor Targaryen Snow. 

-House Baratheon has Gendry living large and heart-broken.

-Houses Tyrell, Martell, Frey and Bolton are gone.

-House Greyjoy is down to Yara, and probably also susceptible to the misogyny of naming progeny after the father, if she isn’t murdered Iron Born-style.

-House Tully is…I guess okay, if you ignore that Cersei stripped the Tullys of all lands and titles?

So…there’s a lot going on for the last remaining houses, and I’m going to try to answer the stick-the-landing question from 30,000 feet.

Given the history of Targaryens, especially the immediate history, a Targaryen is NOT going to sit on the Throne. The people won’t accept it. No Dany. Given that traitor/hero Varys just told every contact he knows that Jon Snow is a Targaryen…that rules him out, too, unless we think the people are going to say “well, the last two Targaryens were awful, but this one will be different!” So, how to resolve this? Jon Snow and Dany will kill each other, or Dany has to die and Jon has to renounce his Targaryen heritage. House Targaryen ends.

Given that all this horror was also brought about by a Lannister, and Tyrion is the least-liked Lannister (however unfairly), Tyrion cannot end up on the Throne. I’d like to see him live. Maybe he ends up re-marrying Sansa? Maybe he procreates? He seems like the type to understand, though, that the Lannister dynasty must end. So I think he rides off into the sunset. House Lannister ends.

It’s probably not you either, but we’d hate to see you die.

Starks don’t like the South. No way Arya or Sansa even want the job, so won’t end up on the Throne. I hope they overthrow tradition, and Sansa marries someone wonderful, and her children are named “Stark”… but no incest allowed here! If Jon renounces his Targaryen heritage, maybe House Stark lives…but again, given that episode title, I doubt it. House Stark ends.

No one is going to accept Yara Greyjoy or Edmure Tully as their leader. House Greyjoy ends. House Tully maybe lives, but who cares? Certainly not Arya, who apparently didn’t even free her Nuncle when she killed the Freys. 

So that leaves…Gendry? Technically speaking, he does have the best claim of everyone, except that he’s a bastard…but Dany made him a Lord for a reason, plot-wise. 

Gendry on the Throne. Yeah, that’s worth 8 seasons and 9 years of obsession. Maybe if Arya comes around and becomes Queen…but that would be horribly out of character.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Gendry. He loves Arya, likes to build things, and holds the world record for the North of the Wall Marathon. But the protagonist of this series, he ain’t. He spent, like, 3 seasons in a dinghy, for High Septon’s sake!

Are we getting no one on the Throne? That would suck more…it’s called Game of Thrones. At the end of a game of Monopoly, monopolies aren’t outlawed. At the end of a game of RISK, players don’t negotiate a truce. There needs to be a winner in the game. I don’t need a lesson that the aristocracy is bad for the people, and democracy is best. We get that shit every day.

So unless Jon renounces his heritage AND decides to take the throne he doesn’t want AND defeats his true love (what’s with this guy having to kill his girlfriends, anyway?), we’re looking at a potentially disappointing ending.  I guess this is the consequence of having a series that had three protagonists: Dany, Jon and Arya. They can’t all end up winning, which means you have a 66% chance of rooting for the wrong person.

So…what to do?

Well, enjoy the series for what it is, for one. All of those awesome moments were real, and the show is still one of the greatest ever made. All those feelings and emotions you had over the past decade were all legit. Understand that this is the story D&D are telling, not the story you’re telling, and take it in as an audience. Realize that the writers may, at some points, want you to feel ungrounded or heartbroken. And finally, don’t forget that the books are still unresolved…and George R.R. Martin just got the greatest market research survey ever created, to help him craft the best ending possible.