Top Five Most Unfairly Bashed Movies
If the internet has taught me anything, it’s that everyone is a critic. Well that and the fact that midgets do porn…with clowns. Regardless, when it comes to the crazy world of the interweb, people love to ruthlessly bash movies through the anonymity of their keyboards (guilty as charged). To turn things around a bit, the following list is for those movies that have been unfairly picked upon—the unsung heroes that have taken a heinous critical and public beating. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is the day when the punishment stops. It’s the time when the movies fight back—when they prove that they will not go quietly into the night. This is their Independence Day!
Josie and the Pussy Cats
Okay…maybe this movie isn’t as much “unfairly bashed” as it is just plain underrated. Unfortunately, Josie and the Pussy Cats got lumped in with Scooby-Doo, the other Hanna-Barbera cartoon adaptation that hit theaters around the same time. However, whereas Scooby-Doo and its sequel are cinematic abominations that might be signs of the apocalypse, Josie and the Pussy Cats is actually a funny satire of pop-culture and the music industry. Seriously, I genuinely think this movie is hilarious. I swear that isn’t just my unhealthy, and altogether creepy, crush on Rachel Leigh Cook doing the talking.
I think the reason that this movie failed is that it’s blatantly making fun of consumer culture and the ignorance of young consumers. Last time I checked, it’s probably not a good idea to blatantly insult your target demographic. That’s like me trying to pick up women with a bottle of chloroform in one hand and a dirty rag in the other. Women just love it when you play rough…
Elizabethtown
Alright. I admit it—this movie isn’t great and it certainly doesn’t hold up to other Cameron Crowe classics like “Say Anything” or “Almost Famous”, but Elizabethtown isn’t nearly as bad as many people would have you believe. Granted, I understand the criticisms—it’s too long, it gets a little sappy, Orlando Bloom isn’t a great leading man, etc. Yet, at the end of the day, I feel as if this movie got an unfair critical tongue-lashing when it came out a couple years back (maybe Cameron Crowe spit in their Venti coffees or something). There’s a lot of good stuff in here—the joy of new love, coming to terms with the death of a relative, learning to cope in the shadow failure. Any movie that’s attempting to say something about all that stuff gets some points in my book. Amazingly, I don’t even hate Kirsten Dunst in this (and I’m of the opinion that she’s a fucking hobgoblin). So, yeah…Elizabethown. Give it another shot. If you still hate it, well….Aliens vs. Predator is probably on Spike TV right about now. That may be more your speed, champ.
The Rainmaker
Ever since The Godfather: Part III, Francis Ford Coppola seems destined to direct either artistic schlock that nobody sees (hello, Youth without Youth) or movies so bad that they’re borderline offensive (why, nice to see you too, Jack). However, in 1997 he made The Rainmaker—the story of an idealistic young lawyer who suddenly finds himself head to head with a corrupt insurance company— and, wouldn’t you know it, it’s actually pretty good. This movie took a bashing from critics and a collective apathetic shoulder shrug from the general population. I say don’t listen to those lemmings. Is The Rainmaker formulaic? Hell yes. Is it super action-packed? No. Is it entertaining? You’re goddamn right it is. The performances from Matt Damon and Danny DeVito are solid. The camerawork is simple, yet effective. I mean, so what if Jon Voight over-acts the entire time? I mean, let’s face it, his career at this point is like watching a retarded person eat oatmeal—funny, but for all the wrong reasons.
Jersey Girl
I genuinely feel bad for Kevin Smith. The dude’s made a name for himself making raunchy, foul-mouthed comedies. So, whenever he tries to stray from that particular niche, people get all pissy and say he’s gone soft. Welcome to the rock-in-a-hard-place situation I like to call Jersey Girl—Smith’s failed 2004 attempt to crossover to the mainstream. This movie was hated by critics, vilified by the hardcore geek fan base, and ignored by the public. Frankly, that’s just not fair. At its core, Jersey Girl is actually pretty damned good. Sure, the story meanders into sappiness at times, but all of Kevin Smith’s movies do that—it’s just that this time we don’t get as many dick jokes to balance it out.
It’s kind of sad that Jersey Girl was so universally reviled—especially when Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are still out there making profitable movies. To make matters worse for Jersey Girl, at the time it was released Smith had to contend with the whole “Bennifer” fiasco. I’m pretty sure that a person has a greater chance of surviving a shot in the head than making it through that kind of P.R. fiasco unscathed. Poor Ben Affleck…
Hook
Much like I’m never going to quite understand the incomprehensible popularity of Dane Cook, I just don’t get the critical reception of Steven Spielberg’s Hook. When this movie came out, critics hated it. I mean, FUCKING hated it. It was maligned as being childish and stupid, goofy and badly written…Spielberg’s worst! Well, those fancy-schmancy critics can shove it. Let me tell you, as a kid this movie had it all—awesome visuals, great score, intense swashbuckling and a fat black kid rolling down ramps like a cannonball.
I mean, sure, there’s a random Korean dude with a red Mohawk, but can’t we cut Spielberg some slack? He set out to make an entertaining, family-friendly adventure movie and that’s exactly what we got. What kid out there hasn’t wanted to travel to Neverland and eat mountains of multi-colored gobs of decorative frosting? I just don’t get why this movie is so reviled. So, to all those naysayers out there, I only have one thing to say: BANGARANG PETER!
There you have it—the top five movies that have been unfairly bashed. Alright everybody, time for a group hug. Let the healing begin!
Ivan Kander is the handsome and debonair cohost of his very own video podcast. Check it out at www.lucky9studios.com/worstmovieever. He himself is also very underrated…in bed.
