by jake108 Friday 23rd May 2008

Teabag Prevention: How to Suck Less at Halo Week #6 – The Rocket Launcher

Rockets no doubt cause explosions that leave those unfortunate to be near them massive damage, if not death, in their faces. The first and unspoken (yet not un-written) rule of Rockets is that splash damage (the damage caused by being near a rocket explosion – as opposed to a direct hit) is key to taking out just about anything with the Rocket Launcher. Sure, it’s always better to have a direct hit, but sometimes, that may not be possible – so you’ll have to enjoy that show next time. Thinking of a cheap semen joke? Neither are we. Welcome to Teabag Prevention: How to Suck Less at Halo Week #6

THIS WEEK: THE ROCKET LAUNCHER

Tip #1 – WATCH THEM SHOWER

If you have one of these fine pieces of weaponry during a team slayer match, your chances of getting an overkill or an extermination increase four-fold. One of the best things to do to the other team is to stalk them. We know what you’re thinking “Finally! This is legal!”. Well get ready for the stalk of your life because now that you have the rockets, you are a hunter. A stealthy ninja. You are not the 8ft. tall monster that you feel like. You need to use strategy and your cunning wit. You need to stalk your prey in order to get the possible best shot. There is a chance that your time to kill all of them at once may never come. But if it does, aim your crossair to the center of the huddle/squabble and hear that wonderful man’s voice say (at the very least) “Double Kill!”.

Remember: Splash Damage. Right in the middle.

It may not kill them, but that’s why you have two rockets before you have to reload. “Extermination”. Music to our ears.

Tip #2 – ROCKETS AGAINST THE MACHINE

Splash damage also works on vehicles that are light to medium in weight. These vehicles include: Mongoose, Warthog, Chopper, and Ghost. All of the above vehicles travel at a fast enough rate so that it can be hard to score a direct hit with a rocket launcher. This is why you should aim at the path ahead of the vehicle. Doing so will surely flip the vehicle or cause it to veer of its intended course.

Also, by doing this, you have a good chance at defeating the vehicle altogether.

Note: A mongoose may fly away and you may actually be saving this person from your wrath if your shot isn’t executed directly enough. To ensure death, make sure to shoot the person on the mongoose a little before unleashing your rockets on them.

Tip #3 PRE-EMPTIVE ‘SPLODIN

Take their important and potentially devastaing vehicles to the abortion clinic. Rockets have a use other than killing in Halo. In games where vehicles are very important and may give your opponents the upper hand, specifically in “Objective” games found in Big Team Battle, disabling the enemy’s vehicles will not only piss them off; it will instantly give your team the upper hand. Get rid of the vehicles before they’re even used.

Tip #4 BE PSYCHIC

Flying vehicles may be the hardest target for the rocket launcher. If you’re just crazy enough to try it because you’re a rogue spartan and your plan to foil the evil flying vehicle may be just crazy enough to work, then the best thing to do is to put your plan into perspective:

Imangine you actually go outside occassionally and that you’re a quarterback for a football team. Imagine there are no women involved. We know, We know. Bare with us. You’re a quarterback. The Banshee is your dumb-ass, yet more attractive and over-appreciated, reciever. You don’t know which way it’s going to turn. You think you know, but it may decide otherwise. In this case you’ve got to use your animal instincts (what A.I. should stand for) to make sure it makes that catch. Shoot in front of your target, but make sure you shoot at the place where you think the it’ll intercept – this may not necessarily be its obvious trajectory.

Once you think you’ve got ’em, zoom out and watch the fireworks.

Only then can you celebrate and feel good about yourself. This is extremely difficult to do – like your grandmother. And also like your doin’ sweet ol’ granny, the wait and the effort put into the end result will be well worth it. Ok that’s just disgusting.

Tip #5 TANK YOU VERY MUCH

Like step-children, tanks and wraiths can be difficult to deal with. They have tough armor and can probably kill you faster than you can kill them. The trick here is the same as with any other vehicle, aim at the path they’re going in. Luckily, wraits and tanks are much slower, so you’ll have to adjust your measuring. This should be extremely easy.

Be presistent. With enough direct hits, you CAN win – just make sure you stay out of its way and keep your distance. Apply Tip #1 and use your ninja skillz to shoot from a safe place. From Wraiths to Tanks, this should do the trick.

THINGS TO REMEMBER:

– Be stealthy. Plan your hits.

– Don’t go for direct hits on people – go for Splash Damage on people.

– Direct hits are for vehicles.

– Use this weapon against vehicles – and if you’re in an objective game, use it against vehicles even if they’re not moving.

This week’s Teabag Prevention was written by:

Edited by:

And for those of you who wondering if you should be working towards killing Mr. Gilmore, don’t worry you probably already can. He can kick your ass in “real life”, though -unless you’ve reached the national average height for men.

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