Geek Road Trip! Ten Great Geek Locations to Visit
Why just dream about getting a lapdance from Nomi Malone, when you can actually get in a car or on a plane, and actually visit the strip club where she worked. Why dream about some of the RR Diner’s famous cherry pie, when you can actually go to Washington and taste some? And why only hear the legend of Orson Welles eating his weight in hot dogs, when Hollywood is only one difficult car trip away, and you may actually sit in the chair where Welles put them away, dreaming of, perhaps one day, matching both his talent and his girth.
Geeks have always spent years tracking down the sacred Meccas of their passions. Whether it be alien-obsessed nuts trying to track down Area 51, or Lincoln aficionados attending a play at Ford’s Theater, we have always wanted to be in the place our heroes once stood, and absorb the wonder, hoping, in our pleasure-saturated brains, that we can perhaps incorporate some of the magic into our beings.
For those of you keen on road trips, and are looking for a geek holiday, may I your humble journalist, suggest the following ten places to visit? Go. Become more than a fan. Try to be a part of history.
Abbey Rd., Westminster
Whether or not you’re a music nut, it can probably be agreed that you do like much of The Beatles’ catalogue, that you likely own at least one Beatles record, and that you can appreciate the sizable impace that the band had on the world of popular music. Even hardcore Elvis fans, or party-boys keen on The Rolling Stones agree: The Beatles are something to emulate, love and dig.
If you should find yourself in England, may I suggest you go to Westminster, and seek out the famous tourist destination, just outside the British offices of EMI music? It was here, of course, that The Beatles posed for the cover of one of their most famous albums, casually strolling across the street. What was an idea thought up on the fly, and hastily shot by a record producer, became the cover of “Abbey Road,” and music fans the world over have been trekking to this crosswalk ever since.
You may feel like a mook, posing for a photo like a common tourist, trying to look just like your favorite Beatle, as you stroll across Abbey rd., but the temptation to do so is far to great to resist. And the crosswalk has even been decalred a local landmark by the local township, so it’ll be protected for decades to come. Even if you can’t make it to England, you can at least check up on the intersection from time to time by visit the following website: http://abbeyroad.com/visit/, where there is a 24-hour live webcast of the intersection
The Future Birthplace of Captain Kirk
Riverside, IA is notable to “Star Trek” fans the world over as being the future birthplace of Captain Kirk. What started as a casual passing in the TV show, grew into an entire tourist bonanza for this sleepy little Iowa town, and they have erected a lovely monument where they predict, on March 22nd, 2228, James Tiberius Kirk will be born.
While standing next to the marker and trying to somehow absorb Kirk’s blustery confidence and haphazard machismo can be a grand trip in an of itself, you might want to visit Riverside in late June, when the town hosts its annual, citywide “TrekFest” Star Trek Convention. Imagine an entire city, populated mostly by Trek fans, and staffed by indifferent and angry teenagers who hate “Star Trek.” That sounds like a vacation to me.
Riverside has its own website as well, where you can learn all the local history, and try to track down the best diners.
Visit this site to learn more about the sleepy town when it’s not overrun by Trekkies: http://riversideiowa.org/
Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
There are no sites to visit. There are no markers to see. It’s just a lovely little resort town in the middle of snowy Wisconsin. There are annual snow sculpting competitions and ice skating in the winter, and plenty of watersports in the summer. There are some nice hotels, and some great restaurants.
But, for geeks, this town represents something profound, something great. This was the town where legendary geek god Gary Gygax was born. Gygax, for those who are sadly uninitiated, was the founder and creator of Dungeons & Dragons, the first Rolw-Playing Game to take the world by storm. If you have ever played an RPG of any type, online or otherwise, you owe a debt to Gary Gygax and his obsessions with fantasy, medieval lore, gameplaying conceits, and new shapes of dice.
While his homes are still standing in Lake Geneva, there are no tourist sites that I could find that would take you y them. I suppose it will have to do to stand in the middle of town, or go out on the lake, close your eyes, and try to imagine flying, fire-breathing monsters overhead, and how they burst into the popular consciousness from right where you are sitting.
Here’s the town’s website: http://lakegenevawi.com/
Skywalker Ranch
It was built in Marin country, CA in 1978 to George Lucas’ specifications, and contains 3000 acres of beautiful land, an underground parking lot, a restaurant, a racquetball court, a man-made lake (Lake Ewok), an observatory, and its own private movie theater called The Stag. If any one of us geeks had enough money, I think this is how we’d spend it as well.
Skywalker Ranch was built from the money made from “Star Wars,” and serves as a retreat for Lucas’ filmmaker friends. It’s like having a private cabin in the woods, but the cabin is a mansion, and it’s attached to its own private township that you also own. Lucas reportedly doesn’t live on Skywalker Ranch, which only proves that he has more money than he knows what to do with.
Skywalker Ranch is not open to the public, and you may only enter by special invitation from Lucas himself. If you have been, you are part of an elite circle. If you have not, well, its location Nicasio, CA is well known, and I encourage the passionately nerdy anarchists to break into the ranch, if only for the story of being thrown out by security. “I was once arrested for breaking into Skywalker Ranch” is a surefire pickup line at Comic-Con.
Arrange a legal tour here: http://www.insideskywalkerranch.com/skywalker-ranch-tour.htm
Club 33
And speaking of super-elite California tourist destinations…
Club 33 is the only place on the grounds of Disneyland (in Anaheim, CA) where you can be served alcohol. You cannot enter unless you are a member. You can only become a member if you buy a membership. A membership, at last tally was $7500 initially, and $2250 each year thereafter. This is not a club for the casual Disney fan. This is a club for the outright, balls-to-the-wall Disneyland fanatic.
It is located in New Orleans Square, right around the entrance of Pirates of the Caribbean. It looks like just another faux storefront that are everywhere in Disneyland, but contains an elite, ultra-rich drinking class inside. The interior has been photographed for their website, and it is reportedly modeled exactly off of a Parisian hotel. They don’t have mere Disney drink, but are rumored to be stocked with $10o0 bottles of wine, $90 shots of Remy Martin, and the finest beers on tap. They hire only the most expert mixologists to make your drinks.
If you are an experienced drinker (and not a wannabe teenager who drink bright blue concoctions you had to steal from Ralph’s), then Club 33 is your place to infiltrate. It is an ambition of mine to somehow get inside, either by becoming extremely wealthy, befriending a member, or breaking in outright.
Visit the website here: http://www.disneylandclub33.com/
Twede’s Cafe
North Bend, WA is well known to TV fans as Twin Peaks. David Lynch’s seminal TV series has a stirringly devoted cult, and fans the country over have made treks to North Bend to drink some coffee and eat of damn fine cherry pie at this little, real-life diner, now called Twede’s. While you may not encounter and backwards-speaking dwarfs, or doomed high school cheerleaders, you can still have a nice meal, and pretend that Agent Cooper or Harry Turman will walk in at any moment.
The diner knows about its reputation, and has converted itself into quite the tourist trap over the years. It sells “Twin Peaks” merchandise, has a “Twin Peaks” painting on the exterior, and even offers “Twin Peaks” themed meals. Not since I visited the Baghdad Cafe has a resaurant so blindly banked on its show biz connection.
This may turn off some visitors, but, seeing as you would indeed be a tourist upon visiting, it might be better to sit back, enjoy the chintziness of the place, and enjoy your pie. Take some coffee with you. Ask the waitress if there’s a fish in the percolator. If she gets the joke, give her a big tip.
Visit their site here: http://twedescafe.com/
Cheetahs
On the outskirts of Las Vegas, NV is a largely unremarkable strip club called Cheetahs. The dancers are the usual attractive topless women you’d find in any reasonably upscale strip club in any big city. The restrooms have a porn DVD vending machine. The music is better than the usual strip club bump ‘n’ grind, as they prefer to go with mellower reggae jams. There are back rooms where you can get specialty lap dances.
What’s especially notable about Cheetahs, though, is that it was where Nomi Malone worked in the legitimate American classic “Showgirls.” this was where Nomi gave her epileptic lapdance to Zack while Cristal Connors looked on. This was where Al threatened girls backstage. This is where Elizabeth Berkeley had to lick a metal pole. That metal pole is still there.
Cheetahs has not changed at all since “Showgirls” was filmed there in 1994. The stage is in the same place, the couches look the same (although I’m sure they have since been reupholstered several times), and the arranged sexy dances are the same. I went there myself a few years ago and my girlfriend was good enough to buy me a lapdance. It was more than just fun. It was sublime.
Visit the website here: http://www.cheetahslv.net/
Castle Stalker
Castle Stalker is out in the marshes of Scotland, in Argyll. It’s not near any central township, and it stands, alone and aloof, on a small island out in the middle of a loch. It is square and forbidding, and even a little bit cute, as it doesn’t have the grand majesty of, say The Duke of Marlborough’s castle (where Branagh’s “Hamlet” was filmed). To get to the castle itself, one must wait until low tide, and slog across a muddy landbridge, and it is only open to the public at certain time of the year. I can’t imagine the hardships suffered to build this castle.
But, for geeks the world over, it would be worth it to say that they visited The Castle Aaaaauuugggh from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” This was the place that those legendary bad boys of British comedy filmed the climax of their indispensable classic. Given the opportunity, which of us wouldn’t stand on the battlements of this castle, shouting absurd insults in a French accent? Or merely pound on the door below, demanding to be let in to look at the Holy Grail?
Like the RR Diner, The castle has been converted into a tourist destination, but one of a higher class than the chintzy American type; evidently the castle offers re-enactments of the Battle of Loch Linnhe. The history is daunting. The comedy is palpable. The destination, perfect.
Visit the website here: http://www.castlestalker.com/
The Portmeirion Hotel
And if you’re already in the isles, head south the Wales, and sped a week at the lovely Portmeirion Hotel. The hotel is not so much a single bulding, as it is an entire village, complete with courtyard, tennis courts, sea views, and an actual castle on the hotel grounds. It is isolated and, according to most report, a bit eerie. This little eerie village… Almost as if you’re a prisoner.
Yes, The Portmeirion was the location of the infamous Village from the cult British TV series “The Prisoner.” It was where Patrick McGoohan ran across the lovely brick walkways, avoiding cameras, conspiring against Number Two, and evading the dangerous inflatable Rovers that made escape impossible. The show was filmed in 1967, but the hotel has remains largely the same for decades.
Well, the owners of the hotel have been good enough to keep it up, and have added some of the most wonderful luxuries to the hotel, making it an expensive and posh destination. While the interiors of “the Prisoner” were filmed on soundstages, and the rooms don’t look like they did in the show, the owners of the hotel have converted Number 6’s suite into a “Prisoner”-themed gift shop. If you’re a fan of “The Prisoner” this is your Mecca.
Visit the website here: http://www.portmeirion-village.com/
Pink’s
Now come back to L.A. Go to Hollywood. Drive up La Brea until you’re nearly at Hollywood Blvd. On your left, you’ll see an unremarkable-looking fast foot joint with a line around the corner. Most anytime day or night, there will be a line at this place. The entire block will smell like cooking hot dogs and frying potatoes. The menu will be visible from the street, and you’ll see weirdly named specialties like The Guadalajara Dog and the Chicago Polish. They also offer pastrami and mushroom cheeseburgers.
This is Pink’s, one of the most infamous fast food joints in all of Los Angeles. Why is place notable? It’s hard to say. This is not the site of a celebrity death like the Viper Room on Sunset, nor is it where any famous movie was filmed. It is however, reputed as being the place where movies stars of the ’40s, ’50s, and ’60s went to get their low-rent eats when there were done filming for the day. Orson Welles is reputed to have eaten 15 chilidogs in one sitting there. Bruce Willis proposed to Demi Moore there. Michael J. Fox, before he was working regularly, is said to have used it as his office.
Are the hot dogs as good as the reputation? According to visitors, they are very good, if perhaps not perfect. The small eating area indoors features autographed pictures from the hundreds of stars who have eaten there. The spirit of Los Angeles can be absorbed through the fat-laden air of Pink’s. It’s a place to check out.
Visit the site here: http://www.pinkshollywood.com/
Witney Seibold is a well-traveled fellow who lives in L.A. with his gorgeous wife, his offbeat books, his solid video and music collections, and his festering opinions about movies and popular media. You can read a collection of his film reviews on his website, Three Cheers for Darkened Years!, where he not only pontificates endlessly on films he’s seen, but also posts links to Geekscape, and to CraveOnline where he co-hosts the B-Movie podcast.
