Last week The World’s End hit theatres. I had high expectations for this movie, and though said expectations weren’t fully met, I wouldn’t say I disliked the film. I would simply say it’s an above average feature at best. Part of the problem I found in the movie is that besides the disco, all of the bars feel exactly the same. I fully understand that it was probably a conscious decision by the filmmaker to do this in order to convey the blandness of the blank’s inhabited world, but conveying blandness is just that, bland. I would have really liked to have seen at least one bar that made me perk up and say “I wish that place existed, because if it did I would so be there every night”, at which point someone in the theatre would probably tell me to shush or give me a stern look. This discovery got me thinking about exactly which pop-culture bars I wish really existed, so I decided to do what all writers do when they ask themselves a question: write a list about it.
Number 10 : The Badass Crater Bar (aka Moxxi’s bar in Borderlands 2)
This is the place you go to wet your whistle between vault hunts on Pandora. It has not one, but two slot machines. That alone should satisfy your desire to know why I put this on the list, right? Okay, maybe not so let me get more specific. Going to this bar is all about hanging out with blunt sadistic Moxxi. If this place really existed I would sure be more then happy to keep sliding dollars across the bar for hours just to hear what would come out of that Moxxis mouth.
Number 9 : Barrelhaven Tavern (Bone)
Barrelhaven is the small town in the valley that the Bone cousins find themselves in during the events of the comic book, Bone. My primary reason for wanting to attend this bar is how ridiculous this whole world is what with dragons, rat creatures and cow races. Plus, I think it would be fun to have a cup of ale and hear Phoncible P. Bone tell tales of dragons, or listen to Smiley Bone play a song on his one stringed lute (I’m pretty sure he could play at least two solid notes on that bad boy).
Number 8 : Korova Milk Bar (A Clockwork Orange)
If moving into a dystopian future means we get milk bars well then lets toast to the downfall of civilization. Sure, the milk is laced with drugs, but I feel as though I could easily get straight milk, hold the drugs (which is on most days how I prefer my milk). Other then the fact that they serve milk, they also have some of the most strangest tables and décor I have ever seen. I don’t think you really need the drugs in a place like this, because it is kind of already an acid trip fleshed out into real life.
Number 7 : The Leaky Cauldron (Harry Potter)
I could have probably put any Harry Potter bar here, but I decided on The Leaky Cauldron over the Three Broomsticks and Hog’s Head Inn. The problem with the other two is that I feel as though you’d have to deal with annoying wizard students most the year, and listening to them talk about how much they love magic can get pretty annoying over time. So I side with The Leaky Cauldron which since it is an Inn by a major location in this universe you have a more eclectic mix of witches and wizards you can meet there. Fair warning about The Leaky Cauldron though: eat the pea soup before it eats you (you had to have seen that coming).
Number 6 : The Candy Barrel (The Misadventures of Flapjack)
The Misadventures of Flapjack was a cartoon that lasted on Cartoon Network for three seasons between 2008 and 2010. I decided to include the Candy Barrel on this list strictly on account of the absurdity of its premise. The Candy Barrel is exactly what you would think it is, which is a candy bar. You enter through swinging salon doors, take a stool at the bar and order yourself a candy. A candy bar in itself is kind bizarre but The Misadventures of Flapjack took it a step further by introducing the fact that the main characters could buy one piece of candy for the price of one candy wrapper. So basically once you find one candy wrapper you will always get free candy since all candy is wrapped in more wrappers. I am a okay with that.
Number 5 : Chalmun’s Cantina (aka Mos Eisley Cantina in Star Wars)
This isn’t the place you want to go if you’re attempting to make new friends. So why go to Chalmun’s Cantina? Well apparently there is never a dull moment there. Think about it: in the ten minutes (tops) that we are shown the cantina, someone loses an arm, and a bounty hunter gets killed, and none of the patrons bat one eyelash. That leaves me to believe this place is insane with action all the time if the regulars are so unexplainably immune to such antics. Other then that, I also would really like to see Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes play and since they had to cancel their tour dates of the Deathstar and Alderaan due to destruction this is really the only place to see them.
Number 4 : Puzzles (How I Met Your Mother)
Most People would agree that Maclaren’s should be on this list, but for me its Puzzles all the way. You get the same exact environment as Maclaren’s except you swap out Carl as the bartender for Ted and Barney slinging drinks behind the bar. It’s a win win situation. Plus at Puzzles you are no longer constrained by the common annoying last call rule. At Puzzles, there is no last call.
Number 3 : Winchester (Shaun of The Dead)
If the zombie apocalypse breaks out, this is where I am heading. Sadly, if said events d0 happen I probably wont make due to the fact that it is on a completely different continent then me. So why Winchester? Well I always did enjoy the aesthetics of an English pub. The Winchester just seems like a good place to fort up in if the events of zombies ever did happen. It has beer and pig snacks to fill your belly after all the zombie battling. It has entertainment to pass the time in form of a pool table and a dart board. Its armed with a working decorative hanging shotgun which would come in handy. Most importantly what makes the Winchester great is that it has Queen on the Jukebox.
Number 2 : Flaming Moe’s (The Simpsons)
It’s the home of the drink the Flaming Moe/Flaming Homer. Flaming Moe’s was the name change given to Moe’s Tavern when, with the invention of the Flaming Moe, the bar became more of a Springfield nightlife hotspot. When business started to boom due to the demand of the new drink Moe’s got a little bit fancier what with new neon signs and all. Plus, going to Flaming Moe’s is a lot like going to Moe’s Tavern(which was originally on my list) except its more socially acceptable and Aerosmith plays there.
Number 1 : Snakehole Lounge (Parks and Recreation)
The Snakehole Lounge is as good as it gets in Pawnee. That is, until Tom Haverford finally gets around to opening his own club one day, in which he will either call Club-A-Dub-Dub or the Clubmarine. The Snakehole Lounge is reffered to as “Pawnees sickest nightclub”, which I imagine isn’t much in the way of a great feat to accomplish. Tom Haverford is the promotions director at the bar. Jean-Ralphio Saperstein is also an investor of the establishment. I like to believe that you could go to this bar on any given night of the week (except Sundays and Mondays due to the place being rented out for kids birthday parties and substance abuse meetings on those days) and run into eith Tom Haverford or Jean-Ralphio, which lets admit it is ninety seven percent of the appeal to this place. The other three percent is the ridiculous promotional parties they throw. They threw promotional parties for Tom inventing a new liquor called Snake Juice, and Dennis Feinstein launch party for his new fragrance. It’s very obvious that the Snakehole Lounge is on the up and up, and it’s only matter of time before it’s not just the cultural and social center of Pawnee but of the world in general. Plus, I heard drinking Snake Juice really gets the job done when it comes to getting completely inebriated which is generally the point of going to a bar in the first place.
Iceberg Lounge (Batman) – It’s all about the décor in this posh nightclub.
Joe’s Bar (Battlestar Galactica) – A great place to grab a drink, lite up a cigar and play some Triad.
Paddys Pub (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) – The place is a total dive but I wouldn’t mind sitting there listening to the gang come up with harebrained schemes.
The Bar in Tapper – Why? because I really want my server to sling my beer down to me, and also because some of the patrons of the establishment are aliens.
Disagree? Let us know all about your favourite pop-culture bar or tavern!