The Week In Geek:Jay and Silent Bob Make A Porno! More Oz! Smallville Actor Arrested! + More!

Jay And Silent Bob Make A Porno (Kinda)

In the last few years we’ve been inundated with porn versions of everything from Avatar to Star Trek to the Brady Bunch, to most recently even The Justice League of America. All of course under the guise and protection of parody.  But pretty soon, geeks everywhere will be able to see XXX rated versions of beloved geek icons Jay and Silent Bob officially sanctioned by creator Kevin Smith himself….albeit gay bear porn. (“bear” as in hairy, larger gay guy, not beastiality, for those of you who don’t know better) I imagine about 90% of you got a little less excited right about now.  

Among Kevin Smith’s podcast network of shows is Blow Hard, audio home to Kevin Smith’s good friend and fellow film maker, Malcolm Ingram.  The openly gay Ingram has made such Smith produced movies like Drawing Flies and Small Town Gay Bar. Well, now Smith has persuaded Ingram into directing porn, all male bear porn to be exact. And for his first feature, it looks like the basis will be gay versions of View Askew mascots Jay and Silent Bob, as they fuck their way through equally queer versions of Bill and Ted, Cheech and Chong, and God knows who or what else.  All of this was revealed on this week’s episode of Blow Hard, and Kevin has set a date for this time next year for the premiere of Ingram’s “Gay and Silent Nob” movie. Kevin Smith said that he and Jason Mewes would even have a non sexual cameo (and thank God it is a non sex cameo, I’m not sure I can handle a naked Smith these days) in the movie, although he said that if this movie had been made during Jason Mewe’s heroin addiction years, he would have likely starred in the movie himself just to get money for drugs. Oh, If only.

 Miramax Prepares To Milk Library, Lose Dignity

So in an effort to capitalize on the library of Miramax films they just paid 700 million dollars for, the new owners of Miramax Films have contacted the Wesinstein Brothers, founders and presidents of Miramax films until former owner Disney pushed them out, to help produce and distribute a slew of sequels to many of their most famous films.  Some of the sequels announced –Bridget Jones, Bad Santa, From Dusk Till Dawn, Amityville Horror, Clerks III– make a certain amount of sense. But also announced were sequels for movies like Copland, Swingers, and even Shakespeare in Love.  I can’t even begin to fathom how a sequel to that would work, and I really don’t think that Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn are very interested in Swingers 2: The Alcohol Bloated Face Years at this point in their careers.  Well, ok… maybe Vince Vaughn is game.

On the plus side however, the new owners of Miramax have enlisted the help of the Weinstein Company to help get their vast catalogue of films out there on Blu Ray and prepped for digital download, and this means that a lot of movies we geeks have been waiting for (among them Pulp Fiction, The Crow, and mostly the long awaited Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair) will finally be out in high definition.  And that is enough to make this all good news for me.

 Yet Another Oz “Re-Imagining”

Another week, another Oz project in development.  Aside from Sam Raimi’s Wizard centric prequel Oz, The Great and Powerful,  an animated version from Excalibur director John Boorman, Drew Barrymore’s Surrender Dorothy, and of course, the inevitable big screen version of Wicked, we now have yet another movie to throw into the mix. This time, it is to be a stop motion film called Oz Wars, directed by the guy who co-directed Corpse Bride. (the one who isn’t Tim Burton) The script is said to be “a transformation of the Oz narrative, with Dorothy caught up in a whirlwind of warrior witches, black magic, martial arts and monsters against a contemporary backdrop.”  Supposedly, this take on Oz is  “dark, slick, sexy and dangerous.”  Ugh. So in other words, expect a lot of Hot Topic merchandise. I don’t care how bad this is though, I would rather this get made than a shot for shot remake of the 1939 classic that was rumored a few weeks back.

What Would Kal-El Do? (Answer: Not This)

Superman would be ashamed of his best buddy Pete Ross right about now. Sam Jones III, who played Clark Kent’s best friend Pete on the first three seasons of Smallville, pleaded guilty in Los Angeles federal court to conspiracy to sell more than 10,000 oxycodone pills. Oops.

Jones, 27, was busted at his Canoga Park, California home last year for allegedly trying to unload some hillbilly heroin. This week he pleaded guilty as a co-conspirator in the drug ring, according to the U.S. Attorney’s Office. Jones was arrested after it was determined he was the “Hollywood connection” involved in the ring’s illegal purchasing and distributing of the drugs. He now faces up to 20 years behind bars when he is sentenced in June. On the plus side, when he gets out of jail he is sure to get a reality show on A&E.

Winona Rips On Mel

I know that I pick on Mel Gibson a lot here in this column, but let’s face it… the fucker makes it so easy. And this week I’m joined in picking on him by non other than Ms.Winona Ryder. While doing press for her small (but great) role in The Black Swan, Winona spoke to GQ Magazine about a run in with a drunk Mel circa 1995:

 “I remember, like, 15 years ago, I was at one of those big Hollywood parties. And he was really drunk. I was with my friend, who’s gay. He made a really horrible gay joke. And somehow it came up that I was Jewish. He said something about ‘oven dodgers,’ but I didn’t get it. I’d never heard that before. It was just this weird, weird moment. I was like, ‘He’s anti-Semitic and he’s homophobic.’ No one believed me!”

 Well, I believe you Winona. I also totally believe you “forgot” to pay for all that clothes at Saks 5th Ave. that day. I got yo back gurl.