Geekscape After Dark Reviews ‘Batman: A XXX Parody’

“Gosh Batman, that Ron Jeremy sure has excellent taste in girls!”
“That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum!”

Welcome to Geekscape After Dark, where we have apparently developed a reputation for being a little facetious. I suppose writing parody reviews of pornographic parodies lends itself to putting your tongue somewhere… namely your cheek. What began as a simple gag – overthinking pornographic films from a critical perspective – took on a life of its own as we rummaged through new releases and old classics to find the story, the humor, the missteps and occasionally even the deeper meaning and social relevance of X-rated movies. Maybe it was funny, maybe it was dumb, but people still ask about the series so I suppose it could be considered something of a success. Thank you for reading, and thanks to all of the fans who have officially brought the series back “due to popular demand.”

Yes, we took a pretty long sabbatical, largely due to the fact that I felt we had pretty much run the joke into the ground. “Pornographic movies aren’t traditionally worthy of critical praise, so let’s praise them critically” can only go so far, after all. So what brings us back from our self-imposed hiatus? Axel Braun’s Batman: A XXX Parody from Vivid Pictures, which is a legitimately good movie. No, don’t put that statement in mental “air quotes,” because I mean it. We’ve seen some pretty good erotic storytelling before (Braun’s own This Ain’t Star Trek XXX was especially entertaining), but this Batman is something of a marvel: a camp parody of a camp parody, which averages out into a solid filmmaking effort on the part of everyone involved.

Suffice it to say, pretty much everyone gets “zlonked” in Batman: A XXX Parody.

The old Adam West “Batman” television series is something of an embarrassment to modern comic book fans (who want their superhero stories taken seriously), but let’s not blind ourselves to the original show and its many charms. Reasonably faithful to the tone of the Bill Finger era of the Batman mythos, the over-the-top theatricality of the “Batman” television series was matched by some very clever writing by people who weren’t deliberately trying to insult the character or the audience. It would seem that they simply thought that a man dressing up as a bat – particularly in the flamboyant and impractical Batman costume of the era, painted-on eyebrows and all – was kind of funny. Plus he inhabits a world in which criminals don’t really do anything terribly evil, they just want to dress in silly costumes and attract attention. It’s hard to take that idea seriously without completely revamping the concept, which probably wasn’t an option… Fans, after all, would want a faithful representation of the series at the time, which back in the Silver Age wasn’t exactly The Dark Knight Returns.

And so as much as fans might want to forget all the “Bams!” and “Pows!” ever existed – or at least want the mass media to finally move on (the show was on in the 1960’s, and the reference really isn’t funny anymore) – it’s time to finally admit that the Adam West series was actually pretty good, or at least highly entertaining. As fans of the comic are no doubt aware, there are many valid interpretations of the character. So even though Christopher Nolan’s acclaimed series of Batman movies are making all the headlines, there’s still room for a pornographic parody of the original television series.

“Riddle me this, Miss Carson: What is the difference between you and Bruce Wayne’s bank account? There is no difference! You both ‘pique’ his interest!”

But is “parody” really the right word? Batman is another in the latest crop of pornographic “parodies” that bend over backwards… in an effort to remain faithful to the source material. Not the Bradys XXX, This Ain’t The Munsters XXX and This Ain’t Star Trek XXX are just a few examples of these new films, which present not broad caricatures of familiar characters but close facsimiles. Because really, why would a Batman fan want to watch “Buttman” have sex with “Vaginawoman” when he could instead watch the “real” Batman and Catwoman get it on instead? Or Kirk and Uhura? And so on?

It’s okay. You don’t have to watch either of these men zlonk this poor woman.

How do these films get away with this? Well, the title helps. It’s called Batman: A XXX Parody, not just Batman. And there’s plenty of legalese to browse through if you really want to pause the DVD at the appropriate times. Certainly, concessions were made: Although they could call the character Batman (presumably because he could be any ol’ Batman, not necessarily the “real” one), the actual Batman logo is heavily trademarked and had to be replaced with a “XXX” on actor Dale Dabone’s chest, making him look not unlike a bottle of hard liquor in an old Loony Tune. But otherwise the production design, costumes, lighting, writing and performances are all either spot-on recreations of the original series or at least fair representations, and the effect is both charming and impressive. 

Randy Spears even grew a mustache to paint over with make-up. Like Tori Black, we find that attention to detail “purr-fect.”

Dale DaBone (2001: Big Bust Space Odyssey, Cheeks and Thong’s Up in Stroke) stars as Bruce Wayne, aka “Batman,” who at the start of the film/episode is playing five games of chess simultaneously with his youthful ward Dick Grayson, aka “Robin,” played by James Deen (30 Rock: A XXX Parody, Celebrity Porno Poker).  Soon, Bruce Wayne’s fiancé, played by Kimberly Kane (The Sex Files, Erocktavision 6: Get Cha Freak On) has been kidnapped by the Riddler, played with particular manic glee by Evan Stone (Rawhide, Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?). But he doesn’t want ransom… No, it’s all part of a “dastardly twisted plot” to lure Batman and Robin into a trap set by The Joker and Catwoman, played respectively by Randy Spears (Rawhide, Good Things Come in Small Packages) and Tori Black (This Ain’t the Partridge Family XXX, Scrubs: A XXX Parody). The plot is little more than a contrivance to set up both the comedy and “action” sequences, and that’s pretty accurate to the original show. It’s intentionally silly fun without a hint of cynicism.

Robin is played with wide-eyed enthusiasm by James Deen (30 Rock: A XXX Parody, Celebrity Porno Poker) while DaBone, who according to director Axel Braun offered to lose weight for the role but was convinced to remain barrel-chested for the sake of historical accuracy, has a particular knack for Adam West-ian dialogue readings, providing pregnant pauses where no ordinary actor would ever conceive them. The smugness with which Batman admits, “Yes, Mister Wayne has graced me with his friendship, and we’ve had meaningful conversations from time to time,” would feel right at home on the original series. Lexi Belle (Who’s The Boss: A XXX Parody, Not the Bradys XXX: The Bradys Meet The Partridge Family) plays a particularly spirited Batgirl, who teams up with Robin after Batman gets tied up, and Ron Jeremy makes a brief cameo appearance, presumably to lend the film an air of credibility. Rounding out the cast are Alexis Texas (This Ain’t Beverly Hills 90210 XXX, This Ain’t Star Trek XXX: The Butterfly Effect), Andy San Dimas (L.A. Pink: A XXX Parody, WKRP in Cincinnati: A XXX Parody) and Syren Sexton (Stormtroopers 1) as The Riddler and The Joker’s molls.

“Is that a batarang in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” (Actual line of dialogue.)

The characters in this film do, admittedly, have sex, which isn’t exactly in keeping with the original series. In the old “Batman” TV show women men could wear speedos in public and women could wear skintight fetish outfits, but romance was unrelentingly innocent. That ingenuous motif continues here to the best of Braun’s pornographic abilities: Batman might have sex with the Riddler’s best girl, but he was drugged so that makes it okay (apparently). Robin and Batgirl fornicate with a youthful naïveté and the bad guys, well they’re supposed to be doing naughty things aren’t they? Luckily for the purists out there, the DVD comes with a “non-sex” version which ends up running the average length of an actual episode of the series. Most of the actual sex scenes are built up to and then hilariously abandoned just before “the good part” with a jarring Bat Logo transition sequence.

The DVD contains a variety of special features including casting sessions, including those of actors who didn’t actually get the part (a rarity on any DVD), and a behind the scenes feature that runs a little long but does show some interesting footage, including some of Evan Stone choreographing the big fight sequence (let’s see Frank Gorshin do that). Kimberly Kane gets the MVP Award for cutting down the interviewer for asking ridiculous questions like “Have you ever been kidnapped on purpose before,” and then ripping him apart for suggesting that she was too young to have seen the original series. “You know what? You’re right. Because people only watch stuff as old as they are. So technically I should only watch The Breakfast Club.” Well done indeed.

Dale DaBone deserves extra credit for learning the “Batusi.”

Ultimately, it would be remiss not to mention that a big part of why Batman: A XXX Parody works so well is because the original series played like a pornographic parody itself. The acting was broad, the jokes were blunt and the sets were overtly stagey. But Axel Braun’s film is no less easier to admire: If nothing else, the man picked the right source material… and the right cast, and the right production designer, and the right costume designer, and so on. It’s quite an accomplishment, this movie that manages to evoke the innocence of youthful wonder and the naughty thrill of pornography simultaneously, and it’s highly recommended to geeks everywhere, not just fans of adult cinema.

We’ll see you next time on Geekscape After Dark, where we’ll really try to be funny again (we promise).