Fantasy Booking: Backlash 2016
Not sure how it’s possible (well mostly because of brand split) but just two-three weeks out from SummerSlam and we’re already doing another Fantasy booking. This week we’re focusing on the Smackdown centric BACKLASH. Things are already off to a bad start when the best tag team in WWE (American Alpha) and the most recognizable face (John Cena) both aren’t available, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time guessing what’s going to happen. Let’s start!
(Molly Note: I hope these brand specific pay per views are going to have a more Takeover/televised house show (Beast in the East, Roadblock, etc.) feel. Mostly cause circa late 2014 to late 2015 Takeover specials were the best and hell yeah I’m biased. But truly, if anyone could benefit from longer matches, more character development, and fewer feuds that were taken out of the trash and pieced back together like my senior thesis, it’s the cast of Smackdown.)
MATCH #1 – THE USOS VS. THE HYPE BROS
(Winner of this match will challenge Heath Slater and Rhyno to be the first Smackdown Tag Champion)
THE USOS: Part of the growing list of Rock Relatives. They wear face-paint, give a battle chant, when they say Us we’re supposed to say Oh and until last week they were good guys… now they’re a bunch of bullies.
THE HYPE BROS: The Hypos is basically what happens when a can of Red Bull and a can of Jolt become sentient and decide to pursue wrestling careers.
WHO’S GONNA WIN:
MATT: The Usos have to win this one. They’re clearly building a massive feud for American Alpha vs. The Usos. It’s insane that the first solo Smackdown pay-per-view won’t have American Alpha on it (you know the team that was so good they created new tag belts just to get them on the team) but at least this has potential for more story.
MOLLY: Usos. How? CHEATING BECAUSE HEELS NOW
THE FUTURE:
MATT: The Hypo Bros will continue to be hype and win random matches against The Vaudevillians and other less important teams. Eventually they will break up and no one will notice or care. As for the Usos see the next match below…
MOLLY: The Hype Bros are hilarious once you get past the douchebaggery, so I’m hoping they can become a top comedy team on Smackdown. Mostly so Breezango can run it’s course, break up and Tyler can take his rightful place as Prince (Pretty) of Smackdown… But that’s another write up for another time. The Usos are the more established team going into this, and they’re on a more defined path than the Bros right now, so I wanna see them winning because…
MATCH #2 – (WINNER OF PREVIOUS MATCH) Vs. Heath Slater & Rhyno
HEATH SLATER: Was skipped during the Raw/Smackdown draft but damn it… he’s got like 10 kids to take care of so he’s working his ass off to get a contract.
RHYNO: He looks like a neck with legs and communicates mostly through spears and deep exhales. He’s also the winner of a recent Republican Primary. So that’s a thing.
WHO’S GONNA WIN:
MATT: The Usos win two in one night. If American Alpha isn’t going to be our first Smackdown tag champions it better not be for fucking Heath Slater and Rhyno.
MOLLY: Heath Slater and Rhyno, COME OOOOOOOON, IT’LL BE HILARIOUS. Plus if Rhyno’s run in the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic taught me anything, it’s that two dudes that’ve never teamed together in their lives are better than teams with history and chemistry! The Usos are probs gonna go full heel and throttle them following the match anyway.
JOSH: After what happened on the go-home episode of Smackdown, there’s no chance The Uso’s don’t win both matches. The Hype Bros. don’t have a whole lot of credibility, so they can eat a clean loss. But after much teasing and some close near falls, the fan favorites in Rhyno and Heath will come up short.
DEREK: Hype Bros. vs. Rhyno and Slater for the final… with Hype Bros. definitely taking it home.
THE FUTURE:
MATT: The Usos will carry the belts until an important pay-per-view. WWE still sees them as one of their BIG gold mines. They will expect people don’t watch smackdown and won’t know that they’ve turned heel until they’re on a Pay-Per-View that matters. I could see them holding the titles into Survivor Series and winning against some low-tier tag team (maybe a now face Vaudevillians?) and lose it to American Alpha in the Royal Rumble.
Heath Slater and Rhyno will have a match at No Mercy to determine who gets the next Smackdown contract. Heath’s going to be a Free Agent for as long as Damien Sandow was a stunt double.
MOLLY: Heath and Rhyno are gonna go on a fun little run that won’t last too long cause Heath’s gotta get home to his kids and Rhyno’s gotta beat Trump for the presidency or something. Then a slightly more serious (but not that much more serious) heel team like the Vaudevillians or the Ascension will get the attention they deserve, take the titles off of them and hold on for a good long while. I hope the eventual American Alpha vs the Usos feud will be great. I don’t recall ever seeing the Usos play heel, but I have always wanted them to turn and play lackies to the mythical creature that is heel Roman Reigns in a Samoan Dynasty stable, so if they play anything along those lines, I’m in.
P.S. Sorry it’s not much, folks. But I thought it was gonna be American Alpha vs Heath and Rhyno. I didn’t learn until after writing up a fantasy booking for that that Gable is injured and this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me so I am now too depressed and can’t see through my tears to fantasy book this to it’s full extent #dicksoutforchadgable”
MATCH #3 – THE MIZ VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER FOR THE I.C. TITLE
THE MIZ: He’s awesome. He’s the best bad guy in WWE without competition. Everything about him is easy to hate but more importantly is fun to hate.
DOLPH ZIGGLER: Dolph Ziggler once mocked the Miz for being an actor. Dolph Ziggler is in a movie called Countdown, it’s terrible. He also will play Shawn Michaels and young Kurt Russell in both of their future biopics one day (at least he will in my fantasies)
WHO’S GONNA WIN:
MATT: Two weeks ago I’d have said Ziggler. If he’s going to lose to Dean he can at least beat Miz for a nice IC title run… but that was before Miz cut the promo of his life on Talking Smack. The Miz is one of the biggest reasons to watch Smackdown at this point. Him as a the cocky champ who doesn’t deserve to be champ is his perfect wheelhouse and he shouldn’t leave it any time soon. If nothing else this should continue the slow descent into Ziggler getting more heelish.
MOLLY: Dolph throws everything at the Miz that he threw at Ambrose. Miz, overwhelmed and unprepared, loses clean in a hard fought match where the crowd was super on Dolph’s side. Then have Dolph berate and turn on the crowd, the belt being the ultimate statement of “I did this without the fans’ help cause they suck but they love me anyway”
JOSH: This feud exists solely to transfer the heat from that infamous Daniel Bryan and The Miz Talking Smack segment, but they have a chance to tie this into Dolph’s character arch from last month. Because of this, (and the lack of any real build,) Miz retains while Ziggler continues to come up short.
DEREK: Though I’d love to see Ziggler get any sort of title time at this point in his career, The Miz and his never ending title run has just been too entertaining to have it come to an end now. After seeing that incredible Miz / Daniel Bryan promo (or was it) a few weeks back, it’s clear that he’s going to remain in the spotlight for some time.
THE FUTURE:
MATT: Ziggler will get more and more frustrated at his continuous loses and eventually goes heel. He’ll lose most matches he has against Apollo Crews and Curt Hawkings but will be victorious over Kalisto or Heath Slater.
The Miz will continue to be champion until they have someone else on Smackdown ready to be the 2nd face of the show (maybe Apollo Crews if they can find story for him) or until Smackdown signs another NXT talent. Can you imagine WWE signing Nakamura and how amazing those matches against The Miz could be?! The A-Lister who doesn’t like to get hit in the face vs the man who’s man offense is kicking you in the fucking face!? It’d be Miz’s finest moment since MizDow!
MOLLY: Ziggler’s been in a weird place, between forgetting his own backstory (why are you berating Baron Corbin for ‘not knowing his place’ when you knocked boots with Vicki Guerrero for years to get opportunities???? I don’t understand, bitch, I don’t understand) and the writers not being totally sure if he’s an asshole or not. Well since it’s MY fantasy booking and I LOVE assholes (the figurative kind, not- not literal… you get it), I dub Dolph the new Intercontinental champ and the title of El Hijo de Shawn Michaels. Clearly Dolph and I both are never going to be totally over Shawn Michaels retiring. Why not actually make use of the good parallels between Michaels and Ziggler? I so look forward to that rudo vs rudo rematch between Miz and Ziggler *rubs hands together while giggling evily*
What I learned from this fantasy booking write up: ‘evily’ isn’t a word… *giggling with evil intent*
JOSH: The Miz will ride this a bit longer, defending his “soft” style against the more athletic members of the Smackdown roster. Meanwhile, Dolph will finally snap and FINALLY turn heel. I mean, doesn’t he have to at this point? Otherwise, everything Dean said about him last month is true, which leaves him dead in the water. Then again, WWE has had a habit of having zero direction in the past, so direction-less Dolph isn’t out of the question either.
DEREK: It’s called The Miz’ Never Ending Intercontinental Championship World Tour. It’s going to continue forever.
MATCH #4 – THE WOMEN’S SIX PACK CHALLENGE FOR THE SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S TITLE
For this I originally wrote that I had no write-up because I didn’t have the time to write up 6 write-ups if the WWE was going to keep shoving all the women in one match. Molly pointed out this is just furthering the issues and provided the following 6 write ups.
NIKKI BELLA: Longest reigning Diva’s Champion of all time, definitely not cause she’s dating John Cena or cause WWE is trying to erase AJ Lee or anything.
BECKY LYNCH: Really likes steampunk and being Irish and making puns. Really doesn’t like being the only one of the 4 Horsewomen that hasn’t won a championship yet.
NAOMI: The girl from Just Dance
NATALYA: Should be the Ric Flair of the current women’s division, since 33 is elderly in female wrestler years, but booking still feels the need to wheel out her uncle, Bret “the Hitman” Hart, to get people to watch her matches (leavethemanaloneandlethisneicewrestlehastheHartfamilynotsufferedenough)
CARMELLA: Enzo and Cass’ former hairdresser-turned-valet cause they got her fired for dumping hair removal cream on a poodle. Now she’s gone full angry Jersey Shore girl cause she’s not over with non-NXT fans (and you can’t teach that!)
ALEXA BLISS: She was NXT’s Princess Kimber Lee, then NXT’s Sunny for the tag team Blake & Murphy, now she’s Miss Piggy if a muppet could also be a gymnast
WHO’S GONNA WIN:
MATT: Because I’m hopelessly in love with her, obviously I want Becky Lynch to win this… but the writer in me says no way it’s not going on a heel and while Alexa Bliss is more talented than anyone will give her credit for… Smackdown’s women’s division is about Becky Lynch and the best person for her story right now is Natalya.
MOLLY: Becky Lynch. Between Takeover: Unstoppable and Wrestlemania 32, Becky is gonna use the collective suffering of her fans to finally pull out the big one we’ve been waiting for… and by big one I mean a REALLY BIG TOP HAT- no seriously, give the woman a title already.
JOSH: Man, this women’s division is kind of pathetic, isn’t it? Because of how thin the roster is, I can’t see anyone winning this credibility wise than Nikki Bella. Becky would be my choice, but she’s direction-less, alongside Natalya, Alexa and Naomi. That leaves Carmella as the only other choice, who is far too new to be the top woman of the show. Then again, being the top woman in a six person division might not be so bad… You know what? I changed my mind! I’m going with Carmella as the winner. You can’t call it a new era or a woman’s revolution while making the face of the vapid Diva’s Division of old the inaugural champion.
DEREK: While I’ve been eager to see Natalya with a belt for some time now (yes, she has mic issues but I love her as an in-ring performer), Becky better win. She’s been so close too many times, and the Lass Kicker deserves it more than anyone else on the Smackdown roster. That said, I could also see Nikki going for one more title reign before she says goodbye to the squared circle for good.
THE FUTURE:
MATT: Carmella and Nikki Bella will have a match in the No Mercy pre-show next month. If there’s a god in the sky we will get Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss on that Pay-Per-View to determine #1 contender for Natalya at Survivor Series (which should be Becky’s time to shine). The rest of the women will have mini but ultimately unimportant spats over the next two months. Whoever is NOT going for the Smackdown or Raw Women’s titles will find themselves in a “Raw Women vs. Smackdown Women” survivor series match in November.
MOLLY: This is where the constant face-to-heel-and-back turns of the women’s division really grind my gears. I would LOVE to see newly crowned champion Becky forced to prove herself and fail against super powerful heel Nikki Bella. If you thought WWE was booking Eva Marie like the Terminator, then Nikki is the T-1000 of the Women’s division. But I guess I can settle for a feud with Bliss to follow a Becky win. Mostly because Bliss made a great first opponent when Bayley became NXT Women’s Champ, and cause if Becky wasn’t the #1 most deserving NXT Women’s Champ that never came to be, Alexa was definitely next in line.
Plus Bliss and ‘Mella could really use a lot of spotlight time to showcase their characters. No one cares that Carmella is apparently heel now cause they never got to see her play clueless heel in her ICONIC series of matches with Blue Pants. Alexa can say more in a snarl and an eyeroll than Seth Rollins can say in a RAW opener, and I ain’t too proud to beg a couple camera guys to start focusing in on that.
JOSH: Nikki and Carmella will continue their feud, where Nikki will inevitably win. Depending on whether or not she decides she wants to be a face or heel that week, she’ll run through the roster until Becky finally gets her moment and takes the belt off of her. Expect some NXT call-ups, or even some new girls signed straight to Smackdown. They can’t maintain a division this thin.
DEREK: If Becky wins, Nikki is coming for that championship, I can definitely sense a rivalry brewing here.
MATCH #5 – RANDY ORTON VS. BRAY WYATT
RANDY ORTON: He’s Mark David Chamption to Cerebral’s everywhere
BRAY WYATT: He’s if Charles Manson starred in Deliverance. He’s a prophet of doom and claims to be a God. He can be dope when used correctly … but that hasn’t been the case for a while unfortunately.
WHO’S GONNA WIN:
MATT: Bray Wyatt needs a win in the same way that I need a girlfriend, because it’s been forever since the last one and we both deserve it at this point… even if just out of pity. I know people are saying after Orton’s match with Lesnar he deserves a win but that is dumb thinking. The New Era shouldn’t be based on 40+ year old guys winning matches against fresh new talent, that’s just plain dumb. Bray has the potential to be the best evil force in years… but he can’t achieve that by losing time and time again.
MOLLY: Wyatt via Familial shenanigans? Erik Rowan makes a run in to try to help Bray. Just to fuck up in ways only Rowan is capable and nearly costing Bray the match. But out of sheer violent rage spite, Bray lays waste to Rowan and his win over Orton is just the collateral damage. Erik Rowan makes a run in to try to help Bray. Just to fuck up in ways only Rowan is capable and nearly costing Bray the match.
JOSH: This match feels like a no-win situation, because both guys need to come out of this match on top. Between the two however, Orton needs it more, especially with his rematch with Brock coming up soon. So unfortunately for Bray, Orton is going to take this one.
DEREK: I’ve not really had the time to grow to love either of these superstars, but after Orton’s bloody (losing) return at Summerslam, they have to give him this one. Sure, Wyatt has been out and injured as well, but Orton for way, way longer, and it won’t take long for the Wyatt family’s squash-fests to continue.
THE FUTURE:
MATT: Randy Orton continues to be a face and gets himself involved in a match against Baron Corbin by November or December. Like think about that for a second? The biggest question is what will make us scream “holy shit” louder … An End of Days attempt turning into an RKO or an RKO attempt turning into the End of Days?
Bray Wyatt will just be an unbeatable beast stomping his way throughout the Smackdown card. After taking out the viper, he should either feud with Dean Ambrose (although a little been there done that) or Apollo Crews to take away his smile a bit.
MOLLY: I’m mostly stoked that I may be getting my booking from Summerslam, and my predictions are NEVER right! (Ask Matt to reenact my NXT Takeover: London freak out when I loudly thought “But what if someone does a Jack the Ripper entrance?” And then Finn Bálor ACTUALLY DID IT). So I still want Orton to be manipulated by Bray into turning into the roughest, most calloused of heels. But following this match, Bray is going to make an example out of Rowan and show Orton how much fun it is to utterly decimate someone. Hopefully this also works to turn Rowan face and break him away from the Wyatt Family for a singles run that doesn’t feel like it’ll inevitably end in a reunion at Survivor Series or the Royal Rumble (but who the fuck am I kidding, of course it will).
JOSH: It’s hard to see either of these guys doing much else until the next big Pay Per View, so I don’t see how their feud doesn’t continue after this. Orton wins this match, loses against Brock, and Bray gets into his head after the second loss, which will lead to Bray winning the feud. This will separate them for the inevitable Orton vs AJ feud.
DEREK: Bray Wyatt is quickly going to move in for that Smackdown championship.
MATCH #6 – DEAN AMBROSE VS. A.J. STYLES FOR WWE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP BELT
DEAN AMBROSE: He’s like Uncle Jesse on Full House mixed with Killing Joke era Joker
AJ STYLES: He beat John Cena. Clean. If you don’t know wrestling at all… even you know that’s a super big deal.
WHO’S GONNA WIN:
MATT: AJ Styles needs a belt as soon as possible. I love Dean… but fuck that guy, it’s AJ O’Clock. There’s no one in WWE with a better understanding of how to be a respected wrestler and hatable heel at the same time like A.J. Styles has proven to be the master of over the last few weeks.
MOLLY: Dean Ambrose via the dirtiest of unclean finishes, and I’m not talking “dirty deeds”! … There’s a joke in here somewhere but leave me alone, I’m still sore and tired from Chikara King of Trios last weekend (now available for viewing on Chikaratopia! Yeah I did it #shameless)
JOSH: Styles has FAR too much momentum after beating Cena for him to lose. Being that he’s the most talented guy in the ring, and one of the most talented people on the mic, it’s not a bad transition to make. Unfortunately for Ambrose, outside of his promos with Ziggler, he hasn’t exactly set the world on fire with his run. For the good of the brand, Styles has to walk out with the win. What is it about AJ’s being the best at their craft, anyway? Hmm…
DEREK: As much as I’ve been loving Ambrose in his championship run, Styles simply has to take this one. He’s proven that he’s one of the best by beating ‘The Face That Runs The Place’ John Cena on not one, but two occasions, and it would simply look weird to see him lose against the (very talented) likes of Ambrose after his victory at Summerslam. Yep, Styles takes it… and I’m really glad that I’m not a betting man because I’m also terrible at predicting things.
THE FUTURE:
MATT: Dean will definitely go for a rematch which Bray Wyatt will interrupt to set up a feud between the two of them. AJ Styles will hold the belt and most likely wrestle John Cena again in November or December. AJ deserves as long of a run has humanly possible because he really is on a different level right now… I don’t know if we can thank him or the writers or have to thank both but I’m stoked to see what top notch amazing he brings us this Sunday.
MOLLY: I’m trying to build Ambrose into a pretty strong, in-it-for-the-long-haul champion. I feel like that’s necessary for Smackdown since as RAW has had to deal with so much unpredictability involving the Universal Title (by Clash of Champions there will have already been 3 matches for it and at least 5 former contenders). So I hope Ambrose holds on to the title for now, uses his status to push some guys like Apollo Crews and Baron Corbin into legitimate threats, and keeps up with this “my square, don’t care” attitude. Let him get under the GM’s skin and act more like he runs the place. I’m sure we’re all happy with Ambrose’s impression of Heath Ledger’s Joker but please let me see Ambrose get so full of his own hype that he tries to hold Smackdown hostage and go full Arkham Asylum Joker.
As for AJ, I like that this booking has him playing subtle face to Ambrose’s role of not-really-heel-but-still-
JOSH: After the inevitable rematch clause is pushed out of the way, the AJ vs Ambrose and Orton vs Bray feuds will switch opponents. Dean and Bray will give each other something to do until the Royal Rumble, while AJ vs. Orton will carry us into Wrestlemania season.
DEREK: I know that Cena is going to be out for some time (damned TV career), but if Styles takes it, I see the third Styles vs. Cena match being a championship match… with Cena bringing home the belt.
